www.indrani.net

Back to office report

rani — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 02:21:28 +0000

The picture above is the toilet of my new office. I took the picture because I think the signage is unique. Where else in the world could you get a signage forbidding you to put your feet into the washbasin (which is quite a normal practice here, since people need to wash their feet for praying)

It has been over a year that I returned to full-time work after five years being a homemaker. Interesting to see that one of the last blog entry is about the transition from an office worker to full time mother. And now I'm writing about the other way around, from a homemaker, into an office worker. As a disclaimer, both work and being a SAHM is equally demanding, equally hard work. I consider it as a different phase in life, and moving from one phase to the other is a major undertaking.

The photo above marked the time when I decided to quit and became a homemaker, five years ago. I was saying goodbye to my colleagues. How time flies, and now, I had started a new chapter. In the process of adjusting to the new office setting I learned a few things.

Adjusting to office

I personally felt it was an easier transition for me going back to work from being a homemaker, than the other way around (stop working to be SAHM). It’s probably because I had worked in an office in the past, while being a mother is a totally new and shocking experience to me.

For five years, I was so used to doing things to my own rules, standards and timeline. And all of a sudden, a new, merciless, set of structure was imposed upon me. It’s quite an adjustment, but a network of supportive colleagues and, of course, my dear husband’s support, helped in the transition.

More interestingly, I realized that when I was a homemaker, I tended to avoid conflicts and maintain as little contact as possible with difficult people. Going back to work, this became unavoidable. Again, the support of trustworthy colleagues and people around me, has been imperative in keeping me sane.

Linked to the above, it’s best to spend time to map office situation and identify the factions in the office politics, to avoid falling into its trap and dragged down your productivity. Often time, office politics can be so immature and trivial, of course it is best to be avoided. But if it’s not possible, taking the time to observe and reflect the surroundings should be the best way to cope. Remembering that the world is much much larger than office environment, and that there are many other things that can be done outside office, really helped me to cope. I too, still need to learn a lot about this, and it’s not an easy skill to acquire.

What I miss out from being a SAHM

I felt, the kids have more difficulty adjusting to the new situation. Despite thorough preparation, the change has some impact to our kids, which did not immediately become apparent, but accumulated over the course of time. Imagine, mommy has been constantly around them in their young lives, and suddenly they only see mommy for 4-6 hours per day, sometimes less. Bear in mind, my first job has been of a quite long hours. One day, Noe’s pre-school principal called me and told me that Noe shared his anxiety that “Mommy comes home at night everyday”. It struck me like a bolt of lightning. At the end I moved on to my 2nd job which allowed me to work for normal hours, and hence gives me more time with the kids.

What do I miss after restarting office job? Before, the constant level of interaction with kids had allowed me to delve really deep into their thoughts and personalities. Right now, the connection is not as close as before, and I needed to be more patient and more efficient to maintain close connections with my kids. But I think it is important not to compensate the kids with material rewards just because I feel guilty about going back to work. I would rather spend the time to talk as much as possible with the kids, to nurture the connection that we have, and where possible, do activities together, while maintaining rules of the household with consistency. For me, right now the most valuable thing that could happen to me is if my kids could just talk about their daily lives without any restraint to me.

Spending weekend just us, the family, and doing daily activities without household staff (they’re off at night and weekends), really help to maintain the bond between us. Moreover, despite negative comments from a few people, we are still co-sleeping with the kids. The sight of our kids sleeping, when we wake up first thing in the morning, is the most beautiful sight that keeps us alive.

A Restart

rani — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 02:10:03 +0000

Guilty. Guilty as charged

This blog has been abandoned for one year.

Sad, sadness.

The last blog entry was done on 19 July 2009, the week that JW Marriott and Ritz Carlton was bombed, and my former boss’ life, Timothy Mackay, was taken away by the terrorist. I have been meaning to write about him too. And isn’t it sad, too, that my former colleague Benny Napoleon, 34 year old, passed away almost exactly one year after Pak Tim? Maybe it is timely to resurrect this blog again, but, why deaths have to mark the new beginning? I didn’t mean to be morbid, but it just so happen. The cycle of life starts again, also, for this blog again.

Setting aside the sad note now. ..

Busy, yes we have been busy.

Excuse us, we’re sorry. Somehow, writing has fallen far behind in our list of priorities. Indi really enjoys his new job, which he assumed since March last year. He has been posted in places far away from Jakarta and officially becomes a weekend husband. As for me, I started to work full time again, since May last year. Kids started schooling and spends afternoons in daycare close to home. It has been quite an adjustment to our lives. Now the dust has settled, more or less, perhaps we could try to write again? Maybe. But no promises. My little green writing-aide fairy seems to have flown away..

The thing with Jakarta, and Indonesia, is that we are blessed with proximity to family and friends. When not working, we are spending time with our families or friends. You see, previously we set up this blog to update our family and friends with our news from Singapore. Now, that we’re back in Jakarta, updating family and best friends are done over coffee, dinner, or nongkrong. And of course, the appeal of facebook and twitter has drawn us to present quick updates there, instead of spending a few hours writing articles for blogs. So, why are we resurrecting this blog again? Well, the blog used to be a close part of our life in Singapore, it’s just a shame to kill it. So… just because.

New Chapter, New Friends

For myself, starting to work full time is a new chapter of my life after five years being a full-time homemaker. In the course of adjustment, I get to know new friends who are exciting and admirable, and new best friends, such as L & D, who are so wonderful and precious that I hope the sisterhood would last forever. I only got to know L & D in the last few months, but enough for me to thank them for being friends who are trustworthy, non-judgmental, open-minded and sincere. Me, L & D shared the similarity of being a juggling-working mother of two boys under 7 and from the same horoscope group – The Fire. The difference is that I met L in my first job and D in my second job.

L was in the same team as me in my first job, where we both tasked to do the impossible job of executing an international event in a timeframe of less than four month. At first, she was skeptical that she could work with me, partly due to internal office politics. But then we realized that we both fell into the same trap of challenge that no matter what, we needed to get the project done. In the course of the project, our similarities in life and complementarities created connections that translate into a sisterhood. As it was my first job after a long hiatus, I was very much clueless, but L is the one who untiringly reintroduced me to the nuts and bolt of getting things done in a corporate setting, showing me ways of being street smart and how to get things done. Not only that, she would also go an extra mile to execute things well and spent time to help me getting organized. In this day and age where people prefer to save their own asses in the mercy of other people’s failure, L is a rare breed. We spent long hours in the office together. She is known in the office as Madam L for her uncanny ability in giving unsolicited tips on love life and sex, but deeper than that, she is a loving mother and devoted wife.

When the impossible job was completed (quite successfully I hope), I moved on to my next job where I met D. Joining a mammoth institution with an established working environment, was not easy for two freshmen like us. Starting out by the urge to avoid the pressure of conformity, we established a trusting friendship with a few other friends. With D it evolved into sisterhood since we found out that our lives are so untypical compared to the mainstream, that we easily understand each other. As I got to know her, D does not cease to amaze me, and I consider her as a role model. While she’s witty and cheerful, she is certainly one of the toughest women I know, having gone through a lot in life that I cannot imagine myself going through. And because of that, I know that she could achieve anything she wants. While she is sensitive to the surroundings and continues to selflessly help others, but she’s also able to always look at things at the bright side with positive attitude and eagerness to learn new things, to improve herself and her environment. She taught me a lot through what she’s done and just being herself. She taught me on the importance of being grateful and the great value of family.

It has been more than just collegiality. Sisterhood, we just met, but I can’t stop thanking you. Hope the bond lasts.

Early Detection

rani — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 21:24:27 +0000

when the bomb finally blasted, it is easy to say that the perpetrators have mis-used religion, and people are quick to condemn. But the real question is, how do we detect the men and the ideologies which are on the course to transform themselves into bombers? most people don't have the guts to condemn them at that early stage. so how?

Blogging Again

indi — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 00:31:34 +0000

I am sure nobody misses my blogging but the creator of this website. The truth is: I forgot my login password to our blog entry system. Lame excuse, eh?

I don't work for Vopak Asia in Jakarta. Starting April 2009, I have been taking care of two start-up companies under Ancora Group, which is a new breed of Indonesian organization established by Indonesian entrepreneur Gita Wirjawan.

The first baby of the two is Ancora Sports. Its goal is to develop Indonesian Golf Champions both amateur and professionals, by providing the necessary platforms of training, local tournaments, International events and player management. Under the same umbrella, we run Ancora Golf Institute in Jakarta and Bali where talented golfers receive proper training by our PGA Teaching Pros from New Zealand and Australia. We have a dormitory where our Asian Tour (see: Indonesia President Invitational ).

The second baby of mine is Omega Pacific, a music production and distribution company which was set up to serve as a platform for musical talents in Indonesia and the Southeast Asian Region so that they can network with each other as to enrich their creative capacities. If you went to Dwiki Dharmawan's World Peace Orchestra concert in Jakarta recently, you would have seen Omega Pacific logo appear as the producer of the music recording itself. Come to think of it, we also produced Nial Djuliarso's music.

All of the above businesses were founded by Gita himself and all I am doing now is to ensure the babies are nurtured and growing according to Ancora's mission.

Among other things, Gita has also established Ancora Foundation, offering scholarships to Harvard, NTU and Paramadina as well as creating kindergartens all over Indonesia. If you'd like help other Indonesians (or obtain a scholarship to an Ivy League), please feel free to visit the website.

Finally, I have had the courage to ask my wonderful wife for the password to the world of indrani.net just to share with you what I have been doing lately.

How to Quit Your Job and Be a Happy, Professional Mom

rani — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 23:46:45 +0000

"Career doesn't define me. What I do in my life defines me. I am a mother first. A career is one of the many things I do in my life" Michelle Obama

Yesterday I called a friend of mine who just had a baby three months ago. From what was intended to be a quick phone call turned into an hour, since my friend decided to share her worries and anxiety. She is currently in the first weeks of being a SAHM (Stay at home mom) and still grappling with her new life, with some difficulties. Having been employed in a prominent Indonesian bank for more than six years, her new life at home is too surreal for her.

A job, a workplace, or a career, has provided her with a sense of identity and sense of purpose. When she was no longer attached to a job, she became lost (and she didn’t realize that). Indeed, being part of a corporation gives a person an easy sense of identity, because the “sense of purpose” was injected by the corporate structure and the job description. There’s no need for a journey for self-discovery. In a corporation, who you are, where you stand, what you do, what’s your rank, it’s all instantly imposed on oneself. In fact, it’s generally what people do. People join a group, or a club, or an affiliation (religious, political, hobby, whatever), because it gives affirmation of one’s identity, necessary for one’s “survival”.

And now, my friend is a stay-at-home mom. But she’s not happy (yet). And she’s confused, why she’s easily irritated by her children, why she’s easily snapped up to her husband. Basically being a SAHM turned out not to be a bed of roses at all. And when I highlighted that it may be because of her losing her sense of self-worth, which has been provided by the corporation for a very long time, it was like a revelation for her.

I am not claiming to be an expert in this field, not at all. Nevertheless I decided to share my own perspective and experience of the situation to my friend. I decided to take a break from career when my first baby was about four months old. At that time, it was more practical that way. We were living in Singapore, and having a nanny or a maid was totally outside our budget, so we decided to take a leap and I quit my job. I can totally relate to my friend’s feeling during the early days of being a SAHM. Embarrassingly, it took me about one year to reconcile and make peace with the fact that I am, indeed, a SAHM first and foremost.

Although people may think that it is not, quitting job and becoming SAHM is actually a big change. Especially if one have been employed or have a more-or-less settled way of life. It is not an easy process. So, it is totally normal to go through a soul-searching process. I personally find some tips and tools that I wished I had known before, to make my own transition easier. And I hope it can be useful for you who want to take the same leap of faith.

Keep up the rhythm, dress yourself up

Just because you don’t commute to office every day, you’re excused to waking up late, not taking a shower, and dozed off. You can do that on the weekends, but we’re talking about weekdays here. It is good, and I found it necessary, to maintain a basic structure in daily life, because other things (such as projects) can be fit into the puzzle when the structure is there. It’s easier to do by just keeping a daily rhythm similar to when I was working in the office. Wake up the same hour as when you need to get ready to go to office. Determine that, say, from 9-5, will be a “productive” hour which you can spend by setting small tasks and goals for yourself, or doing projects, even though you’re now doing it from home instead of office.

Don’t stay in the sleeping gown (I stayed in my sleeping gown all day for the first few months of being SAHM, and really, it has kept me low in the mood). Dress up neatly, nothing fancy, just neat enough so that you can easily go in and out the house, or receive guests without having to excuse yourself. When done in the morning, it sets out the mood for the day.

Write a Journal

With a jumbled emotion during the adaptation process, my friend was confused and stressed out, and she doesn’t know why. I found writing has brought three-fold benefits for me: One, it is therapeutic because it helped me untangle my feelings and thoughts. Two, it helped me separate real issues from emotion-laden freakiness. Separating issues from feelings is really important in order to maintain smooth communication, especially with the spouse. If you like, you can let your spouse read the journal too. Third, the writing process itself gives a feeling of “productiveness”, that helps to return the feeling of self-worth and speed up the process of self-discovery. If anything, you can always password protect your Microsoft word document.

For me, the following journal structure helps. First, I write everything about my feelings, everything. Just pour it out. Then, I read it again, and proceed to write the second part, on why I feel the way I’m feeling. Third step, I read it again, and start to write conclusion, outlining the real issues and the emotional impact. The last step, I can figure out ways to address the real issues, but only keeping the emotional aspects on the sidelines.

Make a Name Card

Make a name card with your name, email address, cellphone, and whatever you define yourself to be. You can write “Professional Domestic Manager” or even “Mother”. Or you can put your projects or plans, like “Freelance E-Commerce Entrepreneur”, “Child-Rearing Researcher”, or “Early Childhood Education Specialist”, or “Breastfeeding Counsellor”, whatever. When one works in a corporation, the name card is a projection of him/her who represents the corporation in the public sphere. As a SAHM, you are representing yourself. The name card is a tool that depicts and projects your aimed identity or goals. It also gives the SAHM an “equalizing” factor when socializing in a diverse group of people. When talking to your husband’s colleague, for example, instead of weakly and diminutively present yourself with “I’m only a housewife” presentation, you can confidently say, “I AM a professional housewife”, reach out your hands forward, shake hands firmly, and hand out the name card.

Yes, I am a housewife and mother first and foremost, but I’m also doing it professionally (although I’m not paid a salary). And please, it is not an easy job to do. Every day I do my homework of doing research on child-rearing, household management, ensure everything is in order, ensure my kids have balanced nutrition, source for good pre-school, sit in parent teacher association, etc etc.

Hopefully the tips above can help the transition into SAHMhood easier for you all, who has been so used of being an employer. And hopefully you can be a happy, professional SAHM!