I’m writing this on Sunday, so Happy Mother’s Day from the past!

My daughter, who is eight, insisted for days that her dad go buy the card you see here for me. There’s nothing here for scale, but the card itself is about two feet tall. It’s a massive card. And, when I saw the envelope, I thought, “Oh, wow. Where am I going to stick that so it doesn’t hurt her feelings?” I know, I’m terrible. But, a mom. A mom who has to figure out what gets kept and where things go if they do. Still, her determination made it much more than a card. That I had to have this card meant something to her, so it meant something to me.

It wasn’t until I saw the inside that I teared up and decided (as I often do) that my kids are amazing. Here’s the inside:

My oldest daughter is sixteen, but she made a connection with me. People who are very close, who love one another, they have that ability. A phrase, a look can speak volumes. In this case, it’s from a song lyric. Pink’s Raise Your Glass:

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs, we will never, never be
Anything but loud and nitty gritty, dirty little freaks

Ignoring that the song is basically about partying, that’s us. Wrong in all the right ways.

My youngest daughter… wow. I’m a sentimental person. No one else in my family is. But, I think she’s like me. It is important to her that I know how she feels. And she can already write words that elicit a strong reaction. In my case, crying. A lot.

I’m pretty sure the card should’ve read that I have the world’s greatest kids. How was your Mother’s Day?

I’m blogging over at Heart-Shaped Glasses today about the first book I read that made me want to write romance. It was a Jennifer Crusie book where the heroine can’t…um, finish up what she and the hero start. If you know what I mean. (I feel like I should be winking suggestively here.)

Please go check it out and say hi!

Storytelling to Take Your Breath Away

I can turn anything into a learning experience…

C to P: You’re annoying.
P: Mom! She called me a name.
Me: No, she called you a verb. It would’ve been more polite, and grammatically correct, if she had said, “You’re being annoying,” but–
My Mom: Do you have to turn everything into a grammar lesson?
Me: Yes.
C and P: Yes.
Background: C is my oldest daughter, P is my youngest.

I’m one of those people.

I don’t mean to be. I correct copy in news articles in my head. The typist at our office refuses to let me near reports, because I rip them apart, adding commas and correcting grammar. Bad grammar makes my eye twitch. Poor spelling makes me cry in the inside.

And the people who know me, know I’m this way. They make their, they’re, there jokes. I feel like I should be wearing a scarlet G for being a member of the grammar police, but I just can’t help myself.

The least I can do is make sure my children can speak properly, right? Put my gift/curse to good use… or annoy them so much they’ll never call and I’ll die old with twenty cats who never meow incorrectly.

“I earned my badge with the grammar police | Rules I Live By #2: There’s Always a Lesson” ~ Click to Tweet

Photo from Someecards.com.

On May 1st, eleven other romance writers and I will be debuting our blog. The title of the blog – Heart-Shaped Glasses – is about the way women who live to write about happily-ever-afters see writing, stories, and the world. I’m honored to be in some extremely talented company writing at this blog.

Heart-Shaped Glasses

From suspense to sweet or sinfully erotic, or in the past, present or future…we write to entertain our readers. From aspiring to multi-published, we are romance authors, seeing life through our own heart-shaped glasses. Enjoy the view!

My posts here will continue on the usual basis (every a lot of Mondays), but I’m very excited to see what twelve very different women can create.

Please visit us on May 1st, and every other day after that. I will always blog there on the 7th of every month if you want to check me out.

Truly, for those of you who read this blog and support me, I appreciate you more than you can know.

“‘I’m a chain!’ Random Steel Magnolias quote to celebrate my being a multi-blog writer.” ~ Click to Tweet

So, life has been pretty intense the last month or so. I’ve been somewhat absent. Let’s move on.

My daughter turned sixteen this month. She asked for a party. She has never asked for a party, much less an event party, such as sixteen would be. Sweet Sixteen.

And, because I can’t ever not overdo and micromanage and perfectionist the hell out of everything–it’s was a big deal.

She wanted a spa party theme sleepover for seven other girls. And so, you see that this would already be somewhat complicated. But, reference the above paragraph.

There were spa stations. Four of them (mani, pedi, facial, and makeup). They were self-serve, but each contained gifts for the girls to fill their swag-bag bento boxes with. (My daughter loves Asian culture. And orange. And black. I tried my best to incorporate all of this that I could.)

After was pizza, a door prize, and cupcakes.

Then, there was the drinking game. If you made it this far, I’m going to include my modified drinking game that I created for the movie Pitch Perfect. My eight-year-old played along. I think I was pretty successful at turning something crazy inappropriate into a good time. I think that might actually be my writing philosophy as well.

Aca-awesome Movie Game

• Drink* every time someone acca-fies a word
• Drink* every time Lilly (the crazy Asian chick) is creepy and you understood what she said
• Chow down on a Sour Patch Kid every time Fat Amy says something awesome
• Eat a chocolate kiss anytime there is a lesbian innuendo
• Jell-o Shot at each projectile vomit.
• Mmm. Have a Starburst every time the male announcer is sexist
• Suck on a lemon wedge at every magic trick
• Put your hands up anytime someone raises their fist in the air
• Wolf down a Reese Cup anytime someone says the words “mashup” or “remix.”

*The drink in this case was a punch I made, using a recipe from allrecipes.com which is basically 1/2 gallon fruit punch, 1/2 gallon pineapple juice, 1 2-liter ginger ale, and 1/2 gallon of orange sherbet. Yeah. There was a lot of sugar at this event. I think I may have made them sugar drunk.

Being a writer is hard. First they expect you to learn spealling and grammer and shiz.

Then, the whole charcter building and showing and point-of-view. Like, for real, can’t I just tell you what everyone is thinking and doing and feeling? Seems more efficient, if you axe me.

So, that’s it. No. More. Writing. I’m out.

:) Hope your April Fool’s is going swimmingly.

You, valued reader, may call me Ayaka. Before I lose your interest, let me tell you our topic: video games. Yeah, I went there. They are my passion and my future career.

I don’t really have a specific type, to be truthful. My game quest is simply to find a few good things: good storyline, great main objective, and an engrossing protagonist back story. Even… no, wait–especially an engrossing antagonist back story. (What? I like psychopaths… You don’t?) It makes up for any bad graphics or glitches.

I have many games to discuss, recommend, or tell you to avoid. I’m going start with one fairly known to gamers and even people who play games that are ran by trash talking ten-year-olds. *cough* Call of Duty *cough* (I’m joking! …mostly). Ahem… As I was saying, we will be discussing Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim!

The So Many Reasons I Love Skyrim

1. It’s fantasy! I love escaping life into my own little fantasy. <3

2. I get to make my own adventure. I’m very violent which is not okay in society. This game let’s me become an assassin. I don’t like someone, I just kill him! Easy as that.

3. I am Dovahkiin! I like being the only hope for humanity. Makes me feel special in ways reality can’t.

4. My shouting kills people. You piss me off? I’m going to shout, which will throw you against the wall and slaughter you without me even touching you.

5. Politics can suck it. I. Am. The. Freaking. Dragonborn. If I tell you to give up your full-of-weapons city to your enemy I may or may not favor, you better do it, with a smile on your face. And, when I kill your Emperor, your guards better look the other way or I’ll let a dragon eat you.

It’s all about the choices

So I may be a bit power crazy… but all these choices, man! With all the possibilities, choices, beautiful graphics, well-made characters, and an amazing main storyline, this game is literally for everyone. Unless you’re like my mother and just can’t comprehend that you walk and turn your head with two different controls.

That’s it for me. * nonexistent boos* It’s all right, my lovelies. I shall return! If you guys want to send me (find my contact info below) links to free downloadable games, I’ll play and review them for you. Or, you can send me videos of you playing games, I’ll review them, and you! I’ll even share you on my Facebook page and website if I like them enough!

Note from Lori: In the future, only games that focus on storytelling or characterization will be mentioned on this site. However, Ayaka has her very own Twitter, site, and Facebook pages (above) where she will mention whatever she likes–or doesn’t.

“My Shouting Kills People, or Why Skyrim Owns Me” ~ Click to Tweet

Photo absolutely lifted from a Google image search. Since it’s used in a review, it’s probably fair use. Probably.

We are finally at the end of what heroes and heroines do and don’t do for love. Because that title was such a mouthful, I broke it up into 4 segments. Again, I welcome all comments and thoughts below. Without further ado:

Five things your heroine should never do because she’s in love and that makes everything okay (because it, in fact, does not):

1. String two guys along. Not speaking of menage stories here. I’m saying a heroine does not spend the entire story unclear on whether she loves the hero enough to cut loose her backup guy. I don’t like women who do this in real life, I don’t respect them. I will not respect a heroine who pulls this trashy crap.

2. Run away. I know, I know this one happens all the time. I’ve read them. And enjoyed them. But… it’s not entirely satisfying. Yes, he chases her down and she knows he really cares. But… what did she put on the line? She’s gone. It’s all on him to solve the black moment. What’s going to happen the first time they hit the next crisis in their relationship? Because happily ever after doesn’t mean easy ever after. It means this couple has proven they will stick it out and make their relationship work.

I have to clarify, though, that this isn’t the same as the heroine offering him her sacrifice and giving him the choice, then going so that he can make his decision. On the other hand, I’ve also read books where the heroine arced and ran away for no other reason than that it was time for a black moment. If that’s the big crisis they need to solve, there’s no motivation for her to run–it’s not really a crisis. Your story already ended and you forgot to write it that way.

3. Stalk him. Caveat: Stalk him in a way that doesn’t involve an external plot detail. For example, if she’s a detective hired to follow him around, then that’s not stalking. She’s doing her job. If she’s sneaking around to see what he’s up to because she’s a jealous psychobeast or she doesn’t trust him–there’s not a happy ending in their future.

4. Belittle him. Remember, I’m describing actions after the two have come to care for one another, whether they admit it or not. She doesn’t have to realize she likes him yet, she doesn’t have to stop with the witty banter. But she does have to not be cruel, demeaning, or humiliating in the way she speaks to him.

People have arguments, you say. Might these things not slip out? I suppose they might. But she’ll feel bad for it. And when we truly feel remorseful, we make sure not to repeat the mistake. You’re supposed to be writing a character who is growing, who is learning from her mistakes. This is a mistake.

5. Trade sex/her body for anything. I don’t care if it’s the house her grandmother grew up in. I don’t care if it’s the last jelly doughnut. Don’t do it! Don’t send the message that the heroine’s only worth, especially to the love of her life, is her body. It’s demeaning and sad. Do you think it’ll crank up sexual tension? Yeah, someone having sex they don’t want to have because it’s a trade-off for what they need, because that’s the only shred of power they have left, is not at all sexy.

Sure, it happened in Pretty Woman (a romantic comedy). But, the writer made a distinction between the sex she was paid to have and the sex she wanted to have (with the kiss). Not to mention that she spent the entire movie fighting against everyone’s belief that she held no worth because she traded sex for money. And, come on. You know and I know, that was prettied up for a story. Sex workers don’t do that job because it has perks. They do it, often, because life or bad choices have led them to a place of desperation and, more often than not, a man takes away their choice. I could rant all day on this. But, I won’t. Just don’t do it.

But writers break these rules all the time!

That’s because they’re not rules. First of all, I made them up and who am I to give anyone rules? Second, like most of writing’s rules, they can be broken with wonderful results. But you better be good. And I don’t mean talented. You don’t send the fella who is a genius at filleting fish to the hospital to remove a brain tumor. Talent does not equal skill. Skill is acquired through learning and practice. So, you’d better be good skilled.

And you don’t break any rule because it makes the story easier to write or it puts this character where you need them to be. There are only three reasons to break a rule: character, character, character. Yeah, I lied. There’s only one reason. Because your character is well-motivated, fleshed out, and it serves their story. Good writing never serves the writer.

And this concludes my whackadoo ideas series of blog posts on how heroes and heroines should and should not show love. Next week, my fantabulously brilliant daughter will be guest blogging (unless she stands me up) about stories in video games. I’m excited.

“Lady love gone bad in romance | The Black Moment is a Restraining Order P2″ ~ Click to Tweet

“Five things your heroine should never do in romance” ~ Click to Tweet

More on this topic:

• Previously: Romance Writing Don’ts– The Black Moment is a Restraining Order, Part 1
• Related: Show Me More Love: Writing Heroines
• Related: Show Me the Love: Writing Heroes
• Related: What is love in Romance

–Credit for suggestions 1,2, and 3 go to my critique partner, Landra Graf (Twitter, Site). She thinks way faster than I do, apparently. Because, while I was coming up with 4 and 5, she was rattling them off.

Photo used with permission from stock.xchng. Photo by: Przemyslaw ‘env1ro’ Szczepanski.

Last week, I added a parenthetical remark to my list of things a heroine should do. That aside sparked the idea for this post. I’m limiting myself to ten randomly chosen ideas (broken into two weeks–my words go on and on!), but there are probably a million more. Please  add yours in the comments.

Five things your hero should never do because he cares (in no particular order)

1. Beat her. I would have believed this self-explanatory as well as perhaps negated by the-hero-is-flawed-but-always-acts-heroically rule. I was wrong. Sophia Martin (Twitter, Site) shared a story she remembered in which “the hero BEAT the heroine for a transgression AND SHE FORGAVE HIM.” Then, she (the heroine) found herself charmed by a promise to beat their children and send them to her for comfort.

Heroes never assault women. Any women, but especially the heroine.

2. Cheat on her. Nothing says, “I couldn’t care less about your feelings,” like cheating. I’m not talking glittery hoo-ha here. There’s a line where the couple starts the you’re-my-potential-mate dance. Heroes don’t step outside that line.

I might, and that’s a doubtful might, forgive a hero who cheated in the past. But a hero, in the story of loving the heroine, who has sex with someone else after they’ve kissed, declared their intentions, or become intimate? No. Just no.

3. Dump her because he has trust issues. And is a stupid ass-hat. This, and the one above, were shared by Carinae L’etoile (Twitter, Site). She read a book where the heroine has a twin. That she doesn’t know about. Who stars in porn. See the big misunderstanding coming?

Hero sees new, unknown twin in porn (how did he explain that?) and, according to Carinae, “viciously kicks the heroine to the curb.”

What?? So, heroes with trust issues? That’s fine, if it’s fear of the future or of being hurt. The fear that his heroine is a big whore? That’s abusive, not heroic.

4. Manipulate her. I’ve read lots of books where the hero or heroine try to make the other jealous. And I’ve enjoyed them despite the fact that this is a form of emotional manipulation.

In real life, as it should be in romance writing, it’s never okay to act in a non-genuine way to force an emotional response.

All I can say is that there’s a line. As a subplot, intended as a comedy, or maybe even as a flaw the character arcs from, you can pull it off. But, be aware, that’s a fine line. Go over it, and he becomes an emotionally abusive asshole.

5, Dismiss her. Does he misjudge her at the beginning? Fine. He doesn’t even know her and maybe he has really valid reasons to dislike her.

But once he beings to care for her, once she shows vulnerability, then don’t treat her like she’s not smart, or capable, or enough.

Do you know how many women have felt this way? Pretty much all of us. I know I don’t want to identify with a heroine because the future/current love of her life makes her feel that way. That drives me right into wallbanger territory.

Disclaimer: I’m sure these have all been done. Some of them even successfully. I’m not criticizing anyone or calling anybody out. It’s just… my blog, my opinion. But, I’d love to hear yours! Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.

Tweet about this:

“The Black Moment is a Restraining Order – P1.” ~ Click to Tweet

“Five Things Your Hero Should *Never* Do ‘Because He Cares’” ~ Click to Tweet

More on this topic:

• Next: Romance Writing Don’ts– The Black Moment is a Restraining Order, Part 2
• Related: Show Me More Love: Writing Heroines
• Related: Show Me the Love: Writing Heroes
• Related: What is love in Romance

Photo used with permission from stock.xchng. Photo by: Przemyslaw ‘env1ro’ Szczepanski.

Last week, I went into ways to show your hero’s feelings for the heroine, despite engaging in conflict. A lot. This week, I’m flipping things around.

Ways to show your heroine cares, even though the hero is the most arrogant/insufferable/stubborn man she’s ever met.

1. Men have a tendency to get caught up in themselves, in this persona they’re showing to the world–macho, manwhore, major asshole. Whatever. The heroine doesn’t take him too seriously.

She knows he’s strong and virile–and he’s a big baby when he’s sick. Maybe he has been spreading his love all over town–but she doesn’t sweat the girls who came before her. Okay, maybe a little. Who wouldn’t, a little? But, she knows he wants her. Insecurity? Please. And that alpha who can make people cry with a withering stare? She’ll step up and give it right back to him. He doesn’t intimidate her.

She calls him on his BS because she sees right through it.

2. Life has knocked her down, in some fashion, like it does all of us. Maybe she had a rough childhood, maybe she was deserted, left holding all the responsibility, by another man. Maybe she’s just been a doormat her whole life and needs to grow as a character enough to stand up for herself. It doesn’t matter how she learned it, she knows that most people let you down. But there’s something about this guy. A thousand things scream to her, he’s a good man. And even though part of her tells her she’s crazy to believe it… she does.

She trusts him, even though a lifetime of experiences have taught her that people suck.

3. When he screws up (and I don’t mean by being unfaithful), when his back is against the wall, when the whole worlds hangs in the balance–she doesn’t wait at home and hope he can put everything right again. She’ll be right by his side, standing up for him or wielding a gun and shooting it out with the bad guys. It’s not about him needing her help–though he does, we all need help when we reach our biggest crises–it’s that she wouldn’t dream of letting him face it alone.

She will always stand by her man.

Again, I’d love to hear ways that struck you that a heroine showed her true feelings or even examples from your own stories.

Got ideas on all the wrong ways characters show their true feelings?

Next week, I’ll be writing a post about absolutely messed-up ways to have your characters show that they care. If you care to contribute your ideas, please email me, tweet me, or PM me on my Author page. You can find all of those links on my contact page. I promise to give full credit next to your ideas!

“Show a heroine’s feelings for her hero–no telling required!” ~ Click to Tweet

More on this topic:

• Part 1: Show Me the Love: Writing Heroes
• Related: Romance Writing Don’ts– The Black Moment is a Restraining Order, Part 1
• Related: Romance Writing Don’ts– The Black Moment is a Restraining Order, Part 2
• Related: What is love in Romance

Photo used with permission from stock.xchng. Photo by: Viktors Kozers.