T-minus two hours and I will be on my friend Chase Jarvis‘ great show, Chase Jarvis LIVE, along with My Goodness, talking about creativity, drive, and of course, not giving a fuck.

Chase is a great host and always frank and cool with guests. Previous ones have included my doppelgänger Ryan Holiday, Tim Ferriss, and Survivorman Les Stroud. Check it out live by clicking here.

Update: Here is the video, below.

I know who I want to be. Do you?

An important part of discovering / creating your own future is to find out, or plan, who you are going to become.

This sounds kind of obvious– doesn’t everyone think about this?– but in reality, it isn’t often done.

That’s because exerting your will on the universe is hard.

It is a constant push– back and forth– between you creating the world you want through your actions, and the world pushing back on you saying “nope,” or deflecting you, like a soccer ball hitting a goalie.

You can get distracted or upset by this. Over time, life takes over, so you spend more energy on management and juggling what exists vs creating what doesn’t exist at all.

Eventually, you lose track of exactly who you want to be. You forget about it. Momentum eventually goes to zero.

I met with Dale Stephens yesterday, who I was mentoring while he was at the Thiel Fellowship. He knows exactly who he is planning to become in the “new” education movement. In comparison to Sugata Mitra, Sal Khan, etc., he has to know or he will be forgotten and/or trampled.

I also saw Ryan Holiday say “don’t plan too much” on Chase Jarvis’ show (which I’m going to be on next week btw), but I don’t agree. A deliberate positioning in regards to the future is, I think, ultimately necessary.

As you get older (if you’re ambitious), you realize this. Yes, I just played the age card. :)

So ask yourself: who is it that I want to become?

Do you know? If you do, great! It will help you find out who to meet, what you need to know, what skills to obtain, and everything else.

It’s if you do not know that you have a problem. I wouldn’t know how much money to raise for our company if I didn’t know how our company worked. I wouldn’t know who to hire if I didn’t know where we were going. It’s craziness that I ever would.

Yet people let the ocean of the universe move them in whatever direction fate “intends” (as if fate really intended anything).

Well, I have news for you. No matter who you are, I know what your future is.

Your future is to grow older, slowly become irrelevant and have outdated views, eventually die and become food for the living.

That is what the universe “wants.”

I heard a great quote the other day from Horace Mann:

Until you have done something for humanity, you should be ashamed to die.

So get to it. Thank you.

People always talk about “missing the boat,” but I think differently.

I think of opportunity as a series of subways, running through a station, one after the other.

What station you are in doesn’t matter. You could be near or far, but that’s irrelevant. Where you start is just a matter of chance, and isn’t something to worry about at all.

What time you arrive doesn’t matter either. You may have missed the subway, and that’s fine. It’s a missed opportunity, but nothing to really worry about, because after all, another subway is coming.

The reason this metaphor is important is because a missed subway is physical, and it’s an easy thing to accept. Seeing things in this way helps you accept the present.

What happens when you get to a station and the subway has gone?

Well, you definitely don’t run. There’s no point.

What you do is wait for another subway to pass.

Be patient, it’ll get here.

Then, get on that one. After all, you have places to go.

Where to even begin?

So, I’ve been away a long time. A few people have noticed.

Most probably haven’t. That’s ok.

There were times a while back where I was blogging often. Others where I blogged only once a month.

Maybe it evens out. Because of some posts, the new visitors and subscribers keep coming in. Sometimes at a rate of thousands a day– not bad.

But that’s no reason to be lazy. I promise– I haven’t been.

In October, Chris and I published a second book together. It got 100 reviews on the first day– almost unprecedented. And my previous book Flinch has been in top Kindle books downloaded for over 18 months.

But since mid 2012, I’ve also been working on a company.

The name of that company is Breather.

I am co-founder and CEO.

Wow– I can’t believe I’m finally talking about this. Crazy.

The incredible founding team

The team we are starting with is truly amazing.

Our CTO, Alex Payne, is the one who most recently joined. He is a behemoth.

Alex built the API for one of the world’s biggest web services, Twitter. He was one of the first people there, in 2007, and helped Twitter become what it is today.

After that, he helped start a bank, Simple, that is now helping to change the way banking is done. Simple went on to raise $13M in funding and has had over 100,000 people on its waiting list, ready to use the service.

Alex said to me recently, “I knew I wanted to do this 10 minutes after you first told me about it.”

Caterina Rizzi has been around almost since the beginning. Without her it would probably still be a stupid idea in a single crazy person’s brain.

Cat is a powerhouse of a different sort. As you get to know her, you’ll see what I mean. She truly helps make a vision into a reality.

Together, the three of us are going to turn this crazy idea into an amazing, real thing.

Hey, that’s great, Julien— but what the @#$%is it???

Well, at some point soon, we’ll talk about that. It shouldn’t be much longer. :)

With the starting team complete, though, we did feel it was time to announce something, so that is what you’re looking at. Feels good.

If you really feel you can’t wait, SXSW is about to start, and some people do know. Feel free to ask around– I’m sure you’ll learn a thing or two. :)

In the meantime, stay tuned. And if you’re looking for a new challenge, get in touch. Maybe this is it.

We live in a time where more information and resources are available than ever.

The Internet has made it possible to connect with people you would have never been able to otherwise. Social media provides us with the incredible power to reach out to anyone.

With all the resources that come with the so-called “information age” we live in, many of us squander the benefits of access by reading useless websites or following celebrities– a huge waste of time.

Think about it. There are hundreds of people out there who are either doing what you want to be doing. There are thousands you can learn from. It’s easier than ever to find and meet these people. All it takes is a little time and effort.

This week I am challenging you to do something we often talk about, but rarely act on: find a mentor.

Here’s how you will do that.

Homework.

Today’s homework is to reach out to someone you don’t already know and ask for advice.

Even though this can be scary and uncomfortable, the returns can be enormous. People are hesitant because it feels “forced” and they don’t want to look like they’re taking and not giving.

One way to alleviate this is to ask: “What do I have to offer this person?”

The value that you offer could be anything from user experience feedback, to talking about a shared interest. When you think of it as a shared give-and-take, it’ll feel more natural and less like some kind of networking exercise.

Take a minute a write down a few things you have to offer someone.

One great place to find potential mentors is at events. Go to events, conferences, and meet-ups, ready to ask questions. If you show genuine enthusiasm, you’ll have already established a good rapport and connection, which will make everything that much easier.

If going to an event is too scary, you can also build a relationship from email or Twitter. Almost everyone responds well to tweets–sometimes even better than email. Even if they don’t, you won’t have lost anything by reaching out.

Don’t forget to use the network that you already have. Make a short post on Twitter or Facebook, asking your friends if they know anyone who is an expert in knitting, coding, writing, or whatever else.

As you do this, you’ll discover that it’s not actually that painful. Most people are more than willing to share their knowledge with someone who is interested. There is absolutely no risk in reaching out – and who knows, you may find an invaluable life-long mentor just by taking this one step.

So choose someone. Reach out to them and offer to meet them. Today.

###

This assignment was sent to me by Dale Stephens, who I mentored at the Thiel Fellowship over the past year. His book, Hacking Your Education, is out now.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning after a weird dream about Professor X and Wolverine.

It was one of those mind reading things. Wolverine was trying to save the day from something (whatever it was), but Professor X knew about it and wanted to stop him. Wolverine was trying to sneak out.

I think I was Wolverine, maybe. I don’t remember.

Anyway, I got asked the other day on Facebook about my habits:

Would love to see a blog (or just a reply) on your morning routine and nightly routines…

I know the epic 5,000 post covers this is some details.. but I’m noticing how “good” days and “bad” days can largely be guided by how we start and finish the day.

PS Let’s see a picture of the finished ink!

Right. Here’s what I do.

My life is structured around a set number of goals to complete every day. Some of those goals are tiny, others are large. Here is an incomplete list in picture form:

As you can see, I have tiny habits, like ”Smile at a stranger” (which breaks my usual pattern of looking grumpy all the time), and then I have large ones, like “Finish all to-do’s,” which is a pointer to a another HUGE list in another app.

When I finish all of my habits for the day, like the ones in the list at right, I’m done. But there’s more to it than that.

I also deliberately plan the order in which I will do these, and the reason I do this is because it helps keep me cheery and motivated to do more.

So I wake up and immediately floss and weigh myself. These are like little wins that get me started on my habit building. Then I go into “Process mail“ and maybe ”Take fish oil“ (very good for you btw).

Then my day is started and I’ll go into my calendar and see what my day is going to look like.

I also force introspection every day through a habit of free writing, which helps me think about my own path, or my work, or whatever else I feel like putting some thought into. You cannot trust yourself to think through important stuff in your head only. Because we are so distracted, it simply does not work. So this forces it to go on paper, where I won’t quit until I hit like 750 words.

So it’s almost like my day is structured with easy win > hard win > easy win > hard win-style loops that will keep me from feeling exhausted. Some stuff is easy, others are hard. With breaks obviously. And of course I forgive myself if ever I don’t get everything done. I draw a lot from Alcoholics Anonymous style ideas so that I can think one day at a time.

The final thing I wanted to mention about this is that often, at night, it is a great idea to just do one more thing. It can be small or big, doesn’t matter, but it helps set you off on the right foot and feel like you were extra productive today. For you that could be anything, maybe doing pushups, or writing a blog post.

It’s like bitch slapping tomorrow’s to do list with a kind of “OH YEAH? I GOT IT DONE TODAY” type attitude. Not sure why, but it works.

P.S.: The tattoo he’s talking about above, by the way, is a memento mori sleeve I got done by Yann Black, a well-known tattoo artist who happens to live 5 blocks from my house. It’s early in the morning right now, so I’ll put a picture of it in another post.

(Submitted by Markus Almond, who sent me this cool book a while back and runs this thing.)

Every successful person does something that absolutely terrifies them. Whether it’s public speaking or giving your boss a resignation letter, no one has ever made it to the other side without taking a stumbling leap of faith.

But how do we deal with those monsters and demons that pop up at every corner telling us that we’ll never make it, that we’re not good enough, that we don’t have what it takes?

Answer: You suppress the hell out of it.

I’m not talking about lying to yourself or losing touch with reality. I’m talking about deliberately steering the direction of your mind during high-pressure situations. You know that expression people say whenever someone is on a tightrope or high in the air? Those 3 little words of advice that people have used over and over again – “Don’t Look Down”. You don’t ignore the danger or pretend that you’re not a thousand feet in the air. But you do put one foot in front of the other and stay focused on where you’re going. If you forget to “Don’t Look Down”, you draw your attention away from the goal and head straight towards failure.

Adam Carolla, who holds the record for Most Downloaded Podcast Ever, once said “My job is to talk like nobody is listening”. We should all be that lucky to adopt a life-philosophy as freeing as this. Pretend your actions are being completely ignored. Pretend that no one is around to judge you. A networking opportunity is a thousand times easier when you have nothing to gain. A product release is a million times more fun when you have nothing to lose. Pretend that no one is listening.

The most loved and popular people in the world also receive the most hate-mail.

To focus on negative outcomes and hurtful criticism is a good way to ensure failure. Giving power to our doubts is an invitation for our feet to slip off the tightrope.

I used to think that my fears meant something. I used to think it was important to ‘get to the bottom’ of these negative thoughts and find out where they were coming from. I was wrong. Like George Clooney said in Three Kings, “The way it works is, you do the thing you’re scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before.”

So whatever it is you’re worried about – horrifying failure, people who don’t like you, or plummeting to your own gruesome death – suppress that shit and move forward.

And when you make it to the other side, remember to pat yourself on the back and take a deep breath.

“Louder is not the answer. More is not the answer. The important moments in life happen with your friends and by yourself. Nothing important won an Academy Award. If everything in life is getting louder, I’m going to get quiet.”

Everyone is flawed. No single person has every answer.

Success, as a process, comes from learning as much as you can. As you figure out what your weak points are and correct them, you will become better. Your patterns will get more efficient. You’ll get more done in less time. Finally, your patterns will change.

Over the past few months I have had certain goals– different ones than I usually have for a totally different kind of project. All of these goals are things I have never really done before, and I wasn’t sure how to achieve them.

It was during a meeting a while back that it clicked. I was too stuck in my own patterns and making decisions based on my own worldview. As Bruce Lee would have said, my prison was my own ideas. I needed a change.

Here is how I did it.

Homework.

Today’s homework is to make decisions, for at least one day, as if you were a totally different person.

Find someone you admire. You may not like everything about them, but in at least one capacity, find someone you feel does things right.

Take the quality you like about them and, in that quality, act exactly like they do.

Here are two examples of ways I have done this recently– but you can use this for anything.

One guy I know is amazing at connecting people, and I needed to meet more people, more often. So I set myself two goals– one, to meet two people every day, and two, to connect others as often as possible.

One of the advantages of this being a person you know is that you can literally text them– as I did, often, and ask– “hey, how would you behave in this situation?”

Turns out, this works. They answer the text, and they dictate the behaviour. You change your pattern as a result.

A second quality I wanted to emulate was to be more aware of my spending, and I had recently been reading a book about John D. Rockefeller Sr, Titan. (Ryan Holiday also recommends this one.) One of his primary attributes was to carry around a book in which he recorded all of his spending– even though he was wealthier than almost anyone around him. So I started doing this with the Traveling Salesman Field Notes edition. It works.

Do this today.

Choose someone. Act like them. It really is that easy.

I strongly believe that all people are addicts.

No matter who you are, you’re addicted to something. It may be booze. It may be drugs. It may be doing fuck-all with your life.

I have a lot of friends that are in AA, and at least one that is going into rehab this week. So with respect, here is my 12 step program for procrastinators.

This works. I am not kidding.

Procrastinators such as myself have done the following things.

1. We admitted we were powerless over procrastination – that our lives had become unmanageable.

You know this already. You are doing nothing with your life and it disgusts you. You have good taste, you have big dreams, but you do nothing. You will never be good at this. Admit it. Accept it.

2. Came to believe that a system greater than ourselves could put us back to work.

I have been talking about this for years. You have to let go and let the system do its work. A good system tells you what to do and makes you into a better version of yourself. Find such a system, it exists for everyone.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our work over to the system

Give up on the myth of “making decisions.” Only ask the system (which you chose) what it wants you to do, and do it! Since you built it, you will be doing what you want to do at any given time.

Again: this works.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

You have accepted your errors and are not trying to avoid them. Personally, I used to be late and cancel appointments all the time. I accepted that I was being an asshole and moved on from it. Accept and admit your flaws and move on.

5. Admitted the exact nature of our wrongs.

Ditto what’s above.

6. Were entirely ready to have the system remove the defects of our work.

You know, as I write this, it’s fascinating to me how much this really applies to all facets of life. Lift (and its dead predecessor Leap) work very much on this system. One day at a time. Let the system do its job. Get support from those who care.

7. Humbly ask the system to take care of our problems.

Since you have designed this system (or chosen one that works), there is no fear of problems with productivity or letting a system make you into something you’re not. You chose it, you filled it with work. Now you just have to have faith in it.

8. Made a list of all persons we have promised work to, and became willing to make amends to them.

Your own flaws must become totally apparent to you. Consider yourself 100% weak because it’s the truth. You’re a human being, not a machine, and you will never be able to behave like a machine. So just do your best each day, accept your errors and admit to them.

9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible.

Repeat after me: “You know I promised you that I would do work for you last month, and I was late/never delivered? I’m sorry about that.“

10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we procrastinated, promptly admitted it.

Keep yourself honest at all times. Don’t lie to yourself or the whole thing will begin to break down. The human mind is a very self-deceiving thing if you let it. If you fail, that’s ok, just start over tomorrow.

11. Sought through practice to improve our contact with the system.

Always look back to it. Have it on your phone. Remind yourself to use it. Make it the only thing on your home screen. Whatever works. Just keep it in contact at all times.

12. Having had an awakening as a result of these steps, carry this message forward to those in need.

I have believed for at least a year now that absolutely everyone can benefit from using the 12 steps on their productivity problems. I’ve subconsciously been using them for a long time, and only recently did I realize it.

So that is why I’m sharing this.

There, I’ve done it. If you think it can help, please share it too.

All successful project come in phases, and since human beings follow patterns, these phases are pretty universal. Everyone, at some phase, goes through obstacles, finds mentors, etc., so knowing the phases ahead of time can be extremely helpful.

A lot of this can be learned, so here is an impression of how they work. I hope this helps you get through a block of your own– it definitely has helped me.

1. The crazy idea

It occurs to you in a brief moment and you probably dismiss it– but somehow, it’s interesting and it sticks with you. It’s crazy but it doesn’t matter. You feel like it could be real. You could be utterly stupid but you can’t help yourself.

Seek out this stage if: You have no quest and/or little meaning.

How to do it: Get new stimulus. Meet new people. Travel and experience the world. Read furiously.

2. The refusal of the call

Yes, ok, you have this idea and it seems interesting, but who cares? You already have a good life. You’re already fed and clothed. You have friends and perhaps a spouse who loves you. You don’t really need anything big in your life. Who really changes the world, anyway? No one. And hey, nobody ever talks about the failures, but they happen, don’t they? Don’t mess with a good thing.

Seek out this stage if: If you haven’t passed this, you must. You need to progress through it deliberately.

How to do it: Rediscover things you have abandoned. Go back to your childhood. Find your archetype.

3. The private conversation

After perhaps days, weeks, or even months, the idea is sticking. You can’t help it and you’re thinking about it all the time– in the shower, during meetings, everywhere, damn it. So you make the call, and you get a meeting with an old friend who knows a thing or two.

During this time, this mentor hits you in the face with how crazy some of what you say is. But if you’re lucky, he also says something else: “This has promise.” You’ll probably screw it up, of course, but the truth is that this is all you really wanted to hear.

Seek out this stage if: You have accepted some craziness but aren’t sure if it’s even possible.

How to do it: Informational interviewing. Asking people who might have even a tiny chance of knowing.

4. Faking it

Maybe you’re at a party or with some friends, but really, this could happen anywhere. Someone asks you what you do, maybe, or you are just casually talking.

This is when it happens. You throw it out, and you’ve been practicing. “Oh, I’m working on this new thing. Here’s why it’s going to rock etc.”

The truth is, you’ve done no work and you have no idea if it’ll even fly. But you’ve just made it public. You’ve identified with it.

Congratulations. You’ve just chosen a side.

Seek out this stage if: You need the courage to move forward.

How to do it: Practice a short pitch. Don’t try to get everything in like an idiot. Make it conversational. “You know when X? Well right now I’m Y.” Do this with a quasi-friend, not a total friend, but not a stranger either. Maybe someone you haven’t seen in a while. Then, tell them to keep it quiet.

5. The transformation

As time goes on, you begin to identify with your crazy side more and more. Your identity becomes one with it. You adopt new ideas, meet new people, and find out just how much you didn’t know. You look stupid a few times, recover, and then look smart after googling for a while and meeting the right people.

You’ll notice after a time that you are changing. You’re no longer seen as what you once were. People are talking about it, maybe. You’re showing progress. It’s starting to seem real, and this is the point of no return. Beyond this, real failure is possible and very real.

Seek out this stage if: Usually this just happens. It’s slow and you suddenly realize you’re there. But seek it out if you see yourself deliberately stalling.

How to do it: Take a leap of faith. Make a big meeting where you talk ambitiously. Make a promise you can’t take back.

6. The trials

Success is like a road. You are constantly reaching new thresholds you need to learn to pass. This phase always happens and can often happen in sets of threes. You may need to hire an employee and you have no idea how to do it.

As you do this you are encountering constant challenge to your work, and because it isn’t real yet, so there is very little faith. That, by itself, is also a trial. This phase continues as long as it needs to.

Seek out this stage if: You need to grow and you are avoiding it. 

How to do it: Seek out small decisions and make them, as often as you can. Notice bottlenecks and get through them. Ask yourself what would help you cross each threshold and act deliberately, even if an imperfect decision is made.

Part 2 incoming. :) Subscribe below to get it into your inbox!

Thank you. In the first day of release, The Impact Equation has received over 100 reviews, almost all of which are 5 stars.

Thank you for your support, your attention, and your help in making a book like this succeed. Chris and I could not have done it without you.

Beyond anything else, it really goes to show that you can really bring people together if you are giving, helpful, and deliver value again and again.

I hope that I’ve been able to help you by writing this blog. If you’re new here, I look forward to being able to deliver more as time goes on. I have lots left up my sleeve. :)

Writing here is actually one of the most rewarding parts of my career, in this little internet box. :)

If you have not had a chance to pick up the book yet, I hope you’ll pick it up today. Click here to order it, and thank you for taking part in making this an amazing week for us.

Thank you.

P.S.: Here is an amazing review that was created by Keith with some help from the book. It’s a great example of how amazing content helps you stand out.

Ok, this post may be a mistake… but I’m going to publish it anyway.

After 3 years of building, selling, writing, and editing, October 25th is the date when our next book, The Impact Equation, will be released.

It was a behemoth endeavour as well as a labour of love, and now, with your permission, I’d love your help.

Here’s why.

The book industry is always trying to predict what’s going to be a winner. Even at the best of times, they don’t always know– but they are always watching.

What this means is, when a book starts to move, people in the industry react. When the Amazon rank goes up, they take notice. They start to stock the shelves. They order extra. The marketing and PR people start to make calls. Etc.

In short, when a book starts to move, the industry moves with it.

So we want to make the industry move– and I mean really move– in the coming days, and so we’re offering a ton more than we probably should.

Chris has already made crazy offers on his blog. I’ll list them below and then add on to them (I’ll explain why later).

Offers!

BAM! #1. If you pre-order the book and are among the first 100 to do so, we will literally gift you one other ebook of your choice. Kindle or Nook, we’ll send it to you.

BAM! #2. For the first ten people who pre-order 10 books or more, we will help run a giveaway on your site, and gift you either a Kindle Fire or a Nook to give away. Yes, really.

BAM! #3. Now this is the real thing. If you are among the first 500 people to pre-order 20 books or more, you will get a ticket to a secret event we are hosting. The only way to get into this private event is to order 20 books. Think of it as the cost of a conference ticket– for a damn good conference. We actually already have some speakers signed up and they’re going to be great.

(You can go here to place your order any claim these.)

My own crazy things

Chris actually tried to dissuade me from doing these because he thinks I’m offering too much… I’m not even kidding.

To tell you the truth, I’m not sure why I’m doing this except I’m always worried about how well launches will go. So I want to make sure it goes great. :)

Offer A. If you pre-order our upcoming book, and on the first day, post an honest review of it, on the day of launch– October 25th– I will set up one 30 minute call with you anytime you like. We can discuss anything. I’ll brainstorm with you on projects, help you figure out productivity, etc.

I’ve done this a few times before (it’s very rare), but when I do, it always fills up quickly. So for this one I would act fast. (Email chel.pixie [at] gmail [dot] com with your pre-order screenshot once you do this. Obviously, you also have to use your real name on the review.)

Offer B. In addition, if you pre-order 5 copies of the book, I will personally give you a complete review of your site over 30 days. You actually cannot buy this normally and I’ve only done a few in the past, but here’s a 140-character testimonial I asked for from Marc Ensign who I impulsively decided I would help out. He was really happy– ask him if you want.

Btw– these offers stack

This means that if you pre-order 10 books, for example, you not only get a complete review by me, but also a giveaway which we set up on your site and a Nook or Kindle Fire to give away. Plus if you do this and review it on day one, you’ll also get the phone call, etc.

Anyway, you guys are smart, I’m sure you can figure this out.

For any of these offers, once completed, please send a SCREENSHOT of the pre-order offer to chel.pixie [at] gmail [dot] com (my lovely and amazing assistant) who will help set the whole thing up, and fill out this form on Chris’ site. Use the subject line “pre-order offer” to help her sift through it.

Good Lord I can’t believe I’m doing this. It may be dumb.

Ok, I’m pulling the trigger… yeesh. :)

Love you guys, and thank you immensely for the support. You guys help me produce some of my best work and I couldn’t do it without you.

Thank you, thank you.

Be the hero of your own story.

Whatever mistakes you’ve made up until now are off the table – the only thing that matters from this point on is how you move forward starting today. 

Imagine you’re the main character in a video game, or you’re playing the starring role in the supremely megafantastic movie called YOUR LIFE – act accordingly.

What would they do? What choices would they make?

Don’t wait around or expect anyone else to create your own success or happiness – that’s entirely yours to make.

The princess is in another castle and nobody is gonna save her but you.

“Be your own hero, it’s cheaper than a movie ticket.” – Douglas Horton

The two major reasons for doing absolutely anything in the world: happiness and duty.

If something gives you happiness, even if slight, then it’s probably worth doing. You’re with someone (hopefully) because they make you happy. You have a job because doing it (or at least its results) make you happier. You take trips because you get to experience happy moments, either by yourself or with other people.

Duty is the second only in name. You take on a mission because it’s the right thing to do. 

If something gives you happiness, in general, you do it. If something is your duty, you also do it. If it does neither, it’s safe to say that you can probably avoid it.

There are two major conflicts here, though. The first is making the distinction between short term happiness and long term. Sometimes something makes you miserable in the moment but feels great later. My books are generally like this. I work through them but they’re rarely enjoyable in the moment – in comparison to, say, blog posts, which are generally really fun to write as I do them. Sometimes, you have to sacrifice short-term happiness for a potential in long-term happiness through either achievement, or satisfaction, or whatever else. Here the trick is to know when to make that decision.

The second problem occurs when happiness conflicts with duty. Then you have a decision to make, and in my opinion, these are among the most difficult and straining situations you can experience.

The best situation, of course, is when duty and happiness come together into purpose. Then, you know you’ve really got something.

“You have your Bibles, don’t you?”

She was right– I do. Bibles is exactly what they are. They help me live my life well, help me make decisions, and make sure I am heading in the right direction.

It’s exactly like a religious book– except I wrote it.

If you don’t have a Bible, your daily decisions are probably based on mood, or if you’re lucky and you’ve thought it through, maybe they’re based on values. But I’m deeply impulsive, so even values aren’t good enough. I need something written down, telling me what to do.

You know when you go to a store and it says cash only on the cash register? It’s like that. Something that’s written down is more powerful, somehow.

So when I go to my apps, they say “go home and do 10 minutes of cleaning,” and I listen. That’s my Bible. Without that, my whole life would be in disorder. I’d have no idea what to base my decisions on.

But there’s something else, too. A Good Book actually isn’t enough– you need more. Because behind every Bible is actually another thing, a kind of meta-belief, that keeps the whole thing under control.

Mine is deceptively simple. It says: “Don’t trust yourself with decisions. Trust me instead.”

Or in other words, emotions are good advisors but bad kings. So you should never trust how you feel in the moment.

Any holy text is basically the same. It’s telling you “decide based on what I say, not based on how you’re feeling.” There’s a lot of power in that.

I firmly believe that all people are, in a sense, addicts. Everyone is an addict of a different type, to a different degree, with different problems. We all need help; we just make different decisions about how to get it.

Long ago, I got what worked for me. I didn’t let go and let God, but I did let go and let… something.

Everyone knows something important, but getting it out of them is difficult.

I’ve come across a bunch of people recently who are having professional or personal problems that others around them could solve. Yet, they don’t know how to ask those people. They don’t even know who to ask.

Hell, I am one of those people. I have trouble with it all the time.

One of the biggest obstacles to progress is finding out what your contacts know. If a friend of yours knows the director at your bank branch, while you’re trying to get a mortgage, you’d want to know, right? But unless you know to ask, you miss out.

Everyone is constantly missing out on opportunities like this. Little ones, big ones– all the time. It’s a huge passive time waster.

I’m trying to solve this problem now. I’m learning to ask people what they are working on and what they care about– about the things they know how to do that others don’t. But it took me years.

A big question I’m asking myself is why I do not have at least the skills of those I know– if not more.

Some are restrictions of personality or intelligence, sure.

But the real answer is simply that I don’t know how to ask or to learn as well as I should.

So what is the most effective way you have of learning? What is the most valuable thing you know? If you’re willing, please tell me in the comments below.

If you’re anything like me, you probably hate waiting on hold.

Hell, if you’re really like me, you probably hate being on the phone altogether. This is particularly true when you’re dealing with customer service.

So I’ve made it into a game, and that helps.

Everybody knows that one of the best indicators of success is calm persistence. So I use any conversation with customer service employees in order to train myself in relaxed, firm determination.

(In my case, I really need to do this, because I am by nature profoundly impatient and intolerant of stupidity.)

Yesterday, for example, I was on the phone with Videotron switching accounts from my girlfriend’s name into mine.

The guy on the other end of the line, at this point, says that this particular task is $29. To switch a name, in a file, on a computer.

Twenty-nine dollars. I suspect this is a side effect of Canada’s quasi-monopolistic practices in the communications industry. But I digress.

At this point I simply decide that I will not budge.

My theory is that we get very few opportunities in life to practice getting what we want, firmly and calmly. So we should practice as often as we can in environments like these, when it doesn’t matter.

If you’re paying attention, you’ll also notice that there are quite a few other circumstances where you have one-off opportunities to talk to people with no consequences, of which customer service is but one. You can actually use each of them to practice something– small talk, negotiation, anything.

Here are some of my favourites from yesterday. I used them to get this quasi-criminal fee waived in 10 minutes.

“I would like you to waive the fee.” (“Sir, we cannot, it’s procedure.”)

“So you’re saying you’ve never waived the fee, ever?” (Here you’re just trying to get him to admit it can be waived. And of course he says yes.)

“Ok, since you’ve admitted it can be waived, I would like you to waive it for me.”

“I just want you to know that I’m willing to stay on the phone as long as it takes to get my way.”

“I do not want a callback, and I will not waver until you waive the fee.”

Remember to always be polite when you do this. In fact, compliment the guy on what a good job he’s doing, and tell him it’s nothing personal. He will give. Time is money. He has to.

Remember not to go through life letting people trample you. It can be easy to give up. You know this– but more importantly, they know this. Therefore all you need to do is practice persistence. Literally, call it practice. It’ll work.

The process of book writing is way different with a co-writer.

First of all, it would be impossible without Google Docs. We simultaneously write into a document and edit each others’ work all the time. Some sections stay recognizable; others, not so much. Sentence structure changes. Jokes are added. Sections are moved.

At the end, when you’re reading the book in galley form, it’s almost like you’re reading it for the first time.

In fact, my co-author Chris texted me a few weeks back and he was like “The book is the best thing we’ve ever written. Just an FYI.” Both he and I were genuinely surprised by this because the process of co-authorship can result in all kinds of things. :)

Anyway, in about six weeks, Portfolio/Penguin will be publishing The Impact Equation, my third book and Chris’ fourth. We’re pretty excited about it. Like him, I think it’s way better than our previous book together. I’m proud of it.

The book distills basically everything we know about how to make bad ideas into good ones, helping them spread, and building audience and community.

Basically the book is about making yourself an online powerhouse, something that Chris figured out early on and I, due to laziness, only figured out much later. :)

If you’ve gotten anything out of this blog in the past little while, I hope you’ll give the book a chance and pre-order it. You’ll probably get a lot out of it. Or hey, at the absolutely minimum, it makes a great thank you if you appreciate my work. :)

It’s not always easy to breathe.

Breathing—the intake of oxygen and the exhalation of carbon dioxide—is life’s essential force. It’s the first step our physical bodies take towards making all other actions possible, including thinking.

In swimming, the rhythm of breathing is essential: you only have a few opportunities to catch a breath; it’s about timing your intake with your arms, kicks, and rotation. Without air, you can’t work the water.

Breath happens before anything.

Out in the open water, in the waves of the ocean, with the salt water sprays and the swells that take over, sometimes I turn my face upwards and a wave slams me in the face. I close my mouth, pass by that opportunity, hold the air in my lungs, and try again on the next cycle. Sometimes it takes a few turns before I get to suck in some oxygen.

My relationship with breathing has always been tenuous: when I was eleven, I was diagnosed with asthma. I learned my lungs were restricting my airways—and it would jump on me like a sudden cold, onset in minutes, causing breathing to be painful.

I would hide my inhalers, because I didn’t want something that gave me a crutch or a reason that I couldn’t be as good as anyone else. I learned how to push my back open against a floor, to rub my lungs to clear them, and how to hold my breath to stop my body from panicking.

I also learned how to hold my breath for a really long time. Getting into the pool every day gave me an intimate familiarity with the ways my lungs worked.

So swimming actually taught me how to breathe again.

Today, three years later, I’ve become an open water swimmer, chasing longer distances with each ocean adventure I find. I will routinely be late to work or leave for long lunch hours just to spend those hours in the ocean, my friend, the place where my soul is restored.

I need to touch the water, to splash, and to feel the curve of a wave beneath my hands. I’ll grab a board, and float out to sea, heart and head against the board, listening and feeling the rhythm beneath my body. My breathing will inadvertently sync up with the ocean swells, and the anxiety of my digital, corporate life gets left ashore. I’ll get up early, earlier than the sun, wander down to the ocean, and get into the water just to tune my body back into the rhythm of the earth.

But I had to learn how.

Homework

First, right now, as you’re sitting at the computer or staring at your screen to read this post: what does your breath pattern look like? Do you notice it? Are you breathing? Some people stop breathing while they are reading, and they raise their shoulders and hold tension in their bodies while at the computer. (A telltale sign is if you let out periodic sighs. Listen to others if you’re in a room, or set an audio-recorder on yourself for an hour. You’ll forget about it and can then listen to the breath sounds play back. It’s fascinating.)

Next, find a space to lie on the floor. Take a deep breath. Take ten slow breaths, with your eyes closed. Push the air all the way in and out of your lungs. Where are the bottoms of your lungs? Where are the tops of them? Can you fill the space entirely?

Practice changing the cadence of your breathing. Take 10 very quick micro-breaths. Feel your rib cage move in and out. Feel your heart race, your pulse jump, feel the reaction.

Breathe again, slowly.

Your breath is the foundation on top of which every other activity takes place. You can train it, just like you can train everything else. Change your body rhythms by controlling your breath.

Breathe.

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This assignment was sent to me by Sarah Kathleen Peck, a swimmer, writer, and adventurer, who’s swimming from Alcatraz—without a wetsuit… or a swimsuit.