Insane Asylum Blog - Social Commentary Off Meds

EYEBALL LICKING: THE NEW CRAZE IN JAPAN

2013-06-18T11:29:00.001-05:00

Fetishes, we all have them. Whether we want to admit it or not, there is some strange thing that we love that gets us off and starts our motors ticking. Pretty feet, a nice round booty, bulging crotches and big boobs used to suffice when it came to "getting off", but apparently I've been trapped in the dark ages of fetishes because I came across some really weird shit today.

Now, I've heard of some crazy fetishes like people loving balloons so much that they get off on rubbing up against them, blowing them up, watching them get big and popping them. Harmless, right? How about Sploshing? That's where people get a kick out of rubbing food all over each other for sexual gratification. I'm sure it can get a bit messy. Then you have those people that call themselves "Plushies". These are those that take innocent little stuffed animals, add vaginas to them and actually have sex with them. Yeah, they get their rocks off by boinking Binky. Weird, huh? Wait, there's more...

Formicophilia is the fascination with having insects, bugs or worms crawling all over your body until you achieve orgasm. Sounds like some Fear Factor type shit, eh? Well, how about some more extreme cases... Autassassinophilia is getting off on the thought of dying during sex and Erotophonophilia is getting off on murder. Period. Now, there is Beastiality, having sex with animals [insert gag here], and then there is getting off sexually by inflicting pain upon animals which is known by the name Zoosadism. Both are just disgustingly wrong all the way around. Then it gets really crazy: Guro porn is watched by people who like to see people be maimed or tortured. It's incredibly gross and is big in Japanese Hentai art. But, the craziest shit is those that are known as "Bug Chasers". No, these people do not go around trying to catch lightning bugs, ladybugs or collect ants for the new farm they've purchased. These dumb ass mofo's actually go around sleeping with people that are infected with the HIV virus in hopes of getting it themselves. It's big with gay men, or so I've heard. Either way, these dummies want to die and in the mean time, they are probably sleeping with others and risking their lives too. Not fucking cool, dudes.

As crazy as those fetishes may sound, they are sometimes big among people at least over the age of 21. Well, as I was perusing the 'net, I came across a video of the latest craze. It's not as extreme as some of the examples mentioned above, but it's crazy as hell because it's big among high-schoolers. Oculolinctus, an eye-licking fetish, seems to be a big thing in Japan these days. Also known as "worming", students are getting off by licking each others eye balls, or having someone lick theirs. Teachers were tipped off when students started showing up for class wearing eye patches. Apparently, due to the number of nerve endings in the cornea, the eye is very sensitive [ya' think?], and the feeling that some get from having theirs licked has been compared to the feeling you get when having your toes sucked. I'll just have to take their words for it.

Some have said that the craze stems from a music video by a Japanese emo band called "Born". I don't know because I haven't watched it and I won't link to the video because that shit is sick and aside from the mention of their name, they get no publicity from me.

Well, with dumbness comes consequences and now there have been reports on a rise in cases of conjunctivitis (pink eye) and eye chlamydia. Yes, you read that correctly. What do they expect with all of the damn bacteria in mouths and let's not leave out the fact that you live in a country where at any given time your mom may be preparing marine life spermatozoa for dinner. (It's called Shirako, and it's real. Google it, I can't make this shit up.) Aside from these infections, there is the possibility of scratching the cornea or maybe even going blind if the infections go untreated. Whatever happened to kids just giving each others hickeys?

Okay, readers... How many of you freaks like to get your rocks off by doing some extremely crazy shit to each other? Have you ever tried any of the fetishes that were mentioned? Do you get your rocks off some other kinky way? Do share, we'd love to hear them.

Deuces, Smooches...
Nena Grace

MAN STABS BROTHER OVER MAC 'N CHEESE

2013-06-16T02:00:00.001-05:00

We've all been there. Something happens and we get angry. I've even heard people say that they were mad enough to kill someone. Personally, I've gotten angry enough to fight but, I don't think that it's in me to kill, especially someone who I'm supposed to love. Well, maybe Randy Zipperer had been pushed too far, because he got so mad at his brother that he stabbed him in the stomach.

Daytona Beach News-Journal reports that 49-year-old Zipperer of Volusia County, Fla.and his 47-year-old brother Edward started arguing over Randy's missing macaroni and cheese. Randy's younger brother began to help him look for it, but during the search, Edward knocked over a beer that Randy had been drinking.

Well, I guess that put the icing on the cake, because this made Randy even angrier... So angry that he ended up putting a knife into his younger brothers stomach. When deputies arrived at the home they saw that Edward had a small puncture wound in his abdomen and they saw that there was a trail of blood between the kitchen and the bedroom. Randy admitted to the officers that, "I poked him a little with the knife, but I didn't mean to." Really, Randy? So, was this one of those moments where anger takes over and you black-out and come to later on, only to find that you've committed a crime? Yeah, I thought so. Maybe it was all about the alcohol that was being consumed and not about the macaroni and cheese after all, huh?

Randy, who has been arrested on numerous occasions over the past ten years, was arrested and has been charged with aggravated assault and obstructing an officer without violence.

How about you guys, readers... Have any of you ever gotten so angry that you acted before thinking, only to regret it in the end? Share your stories here, we'd love to hear them.

Deuces, Smooches...
Nena Grace

MAN CALLS POLICE ABOUT UGLY PROSTITUTE

2013-06-15T08:39:00.003-05:00

It's not uncommon and it's happened to all of us at least once or twice in our lives. You make a purchase that sounds like a great deal, only to find out later that it wasn't exactly what you thought you'd ordered. That dress or those shoes that you mail ordered, that set of power tools that you couldn't wait to receive or even that super-sized burger meal you couldn't wait to get home to enjoy. You rip open the packaging and then comes the disappointment as you find it's not exactly what you'd imagined.

That dress looks hideous on, those shoes are cramping your toes like sardines in a can, those power tools are anything but powerful and that burger? Well, it looks like it belongs in your child's happy meal. Yes, we've all been there and we can relate. But, what do you do when such a thing happens? You contact the store or customer service, complain and expect a refund or replacement. Simple, yes?

Well, according to one man who answered an ad that was placed by a prostitute seeking out 'johns', he wasn't satisfied when he received his 'package' either. Maybe someone should have told him that calling 999 (the U.K.'s equivalent to our 911) to complain wasn't quite the right thing to do.

West Midlands, England police received a call from a man who says that the woman "misdescribed herself and misrepresented herself totally. ... Basically, she was ugly." According to the man, he and the woman agreed to meet up in front of a hotel, but when the woman arrived he wasn't pleased with what he saw and expressed it. This caused the woman to take his car keys and throw them at him. Which in turn caused the disgruntled man to call the police. Here is an audio clip of the phone call...

How many of you have ordered something, only to be disappointed when it arrived? Did you contact customer service, or were you as mad as this man and called the police? We would love to hear your stories. Please share!

Deuces, Smooches...
Nena Grace

MAN MOLESTS, URINATES ON WOMAN IN HOSPITAL

2013-06-08T08:30:00.000-05:00

As if there aren't enough crazy things going on in New York, police say a mentally disturbed man molested and urinated on a patient at a hospital in Harlem. 49-year old Tyrone Brown was being treated for an undisclosed injury at the hospital last week. While unattended, he wandered off and found his way into the room of a 45-year old female patient.

The victim, who was being treated for a foot injury, had fallen asleep after being given pain medication.

Brown stood over the woman, unzipped his pants and rubbed his penis on her mouth. That's when she awakened.

The woman, whose name will be kept private because she's a sex crime victim, screamed and scrambled to get out of the bed. That's when Brown urinated on her.

Hospital staff quickly came to the woman and detained Brown.

Brown was arrested and taken straight to Bellevue Hospital for a psych evaluation. He's being charged with first-degree felony committing a criminal sex act, but something tells me that an insanity plea is in the works.

Can you imagine waking up in the hospital and a guy is standing over you with his junk on your face? Then he urinates on you? What kind of security does this hospital have? Hell, I think their security is still better than that at the hospital in my town. Yes, "the hospital" as in we only have one, and "town" as in not quite a city yet. You walk in the main entrance of that thing and there are hospital rooms right there on either side. The desk is way up in the middle of the hall. If I tried to kill someone and they went to our hospital, I could go right in and finish the job before anyone knew what happened. Let alone put my junk on someone's face and pee on them.

TEXAS MAN STEALS SLAB OF RIBS, GETS 50 YEARS IN PRISON

2013-06-03T16:03:00.002-05:00

I'm no judge, but I have friends who are. With that said, I can't wait to get their opinion on the 50-year sentence 43-year-old Willie Smith Ward received last week for stealing a slab of ribs.

In my home state of Michigan, more specifically Washtenaw County in the city of Ann Arbor, Retail Fraud is a misdemeanor or felony offense punishable by between 93 days in county jail or up to 5 years in prison, depending on how much is stolen.

A person who steals something in a store during store hours that is worth $1,000.00 or greater is guilty of first degree Retail Fraud, a felony punishable by imprisonment for up to 5 years and/or a fine of not more than $10,000.00 or 3 times the value of the property stolen, whichever is greater. A person convicted of first degree Retail Fraud will normally be sentenced to 1-6 months in county jail with 3 years of supervised probation with jail work program or community service.

If the merchandise is between $200.00 to $1,000.00 is guilty of second degree Retail Fraud, a misdemeanor punishable for up to 1 year and/or a fine of not more than $2,000.00 or 3 times the value of the property stolen, whichever is greater. A person convicted of second degree Retail Fraud will normally be sentenced to 2 years of supervised probation with jail work program or community service.

If the stolen property is less than $200.00, they are guilty of third degree Retail Fraud, punishable by imprisonment for up to 93 days and/or a fine of not more than $500.00 or 3 times the value of the property stolen, whichever is greater. They will normally be sentenced to 1-2 years of supervised probation with community service.

So what happened with Willie Ward? Well, this ain't Michigan for starters...

Back in September of 2011, Ward stuffed a slab of ribs underneath his shirt at a grocery store in Waco. When a store employee stopped him in the parking lot and asked him what was underneath his shirt, the ribs fell out. The employee asked what else he was hiding and Ward told him, "I have a knife", thus turning this petty crime into a robbery. Ward went on to say, "if you don't leave me alone, I'll show you what I got". He then ran off.

Because the jury didn't appreciate his five previous felonies and four misdemeanor convictions, it only took them two minutes to convict him on robbery charges. Also, it only took the jury an hour to recommend the 50-year sentence for Ward.

His previous convictions include burglary, attempted robbery, aggravated assault, leaving the scene of an accident, possession of cocaine and the four misdemeanor convictions, two of them being thefts.

He was offered a plea deal of 20 years in prison, but he turned the down. Now, he'll have to do at least that before becoming eligible for parole.

Maybe pork really is bad for you.

THE WORDS "DOGGY STYLE" ARE NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY...

2013-06-01T12:36:00.000-05:00

Stephanie Mickles (pictured left) is a behavioral specialist and special education teacher from Maryland, who, according to police, has been arrested for having sex with a dog.

How do the police know that Ms. Mickles has been helping Fido bury his bone someplace other than the backyard? Why, she was thoughtful enough to apparently photograph herself in flagrante delicto with the family pet, of course!

Read more »

MAN ARRESTED FOR HAVING SEX WITH PEACOCK

2013-05-16T12:59:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, I came across a story that had me in stitches. I will never understand the depth people will go to, to satisfy their sexual hunger. As gross as it is, I've gotten used to hearing stories of people having sex with animals. Beastiality used to be something that was kept secret, but it is more common than we may believe and here lately, you hear about it everywhere.

I can remember the story that emerged in February of this year about Texas native, Andrew Mendoza, who was caught having sex with a neighbor's horse. In a signed statement Mendoza stated, "I was trying to make the horse have a baby. I was thinking it would have a horseman baby. I ain't going to lie, I blew a nut in the horse." o_0... Whatever gave him the idea that he could do anything for a horse is beyond me but, I digress.

As I read the story of David Beckman, 63, of Chicago, Ill., I couldn't help but to laugh because this was a new one on me. Beckman had sexually abused a peacock, which was later found dead in his garage. But, what makes this story even more weird is the fact that it was his pet peacock named Phyl. Guess he's more attracted to plumage than boobage...

Police discovered the dead bird while investigating Beckman on allegations of indecent solicitation of a child. Beckman was arrested and was being held on $10,000 bond. He is facing three charges of harassment by telephone, unlawful possession of drug paraphernalia, two counts of marijuana possession, attempted indecent solicitation of a child, cruelty to animals, and two counts of battery. His arraignment is set for June 12th.

WOMAN STABS TWO-YEAR-OLD SON IN THE TESTICLES TO GET BACK AT HIS FATHER

2013-05-02T13:05:00.000-05:00

For years I've been saying that everyone should just be single. Living your own life is hard enough, and trying to combine it and its uncertainties with someone and their uncertainties sounds ridiculous. Also, you never know how crazy the other person is until they start stabbing the child you had with them in the nuts for no reason.

23-year-old Krystal Thomas of Syracuse, NY did just that after having an argument with her boyfriend, Ron Craven.

According to investigators, on last Wednesday they began arguing early in the day. Craven decided to leave, thinking that his absence would make things better. When he returned, Thomas was holding a butcher knife. They began arguing again and it spilled outdoors. That's when Thomas jumped into her car and ran Craven over. Thomas attempted to hit him a second time, but she crashed into the house instead.

Um, I need to say this - anyone who stands there and watches the person they're arguing with get into a vehicle and points it in their direction deserves to get ran over. Just saying.

After crashing into the house, Thomas left the scene. When Craven went into the house to check on their 2-year-old son, he noticed that the boy was bleeding uncontrollably from his crotch. Craven rushed the boy to the emergency room where he learned that he had been stabbed in the testicles. He had a 2-inch stab wound that he was treated for.

When officers caught up with Thomas the next day, she told them that she stabbed her son to "stop him from multiplying". Can you imagine that? She was so pissed off at Craven, that she tried to stop the baby from carrying on his dad's name. That's outrageous.

Thomas was arrested and charged with felony assault, attempted assault and reckless endangerment. I guess stabbing your son in the nuts to prevent him from having children of his own isn't child abuse in New York. She remains in jail in lieu of $500,000 bond.

TETRIS USED TO HELP WITH LAZY EYE

2013-04-29T00:17:00.000-05:00

As a child, I knew a girl in my classroom who was very pretty. She dressed nice all the time and her hair was always in neat pigtails. There was one thing though: she had a lazy eye. Not just a little lazy either. That thing acted like it didn't even want to be bothered with what the other eye had going on. I sometimes imagined myself taking my index finger and thumb, jamming them in her eye socket and setting that bad-boy straight.

I remember asking her if she could see out of it. She said "a little bit", but she wished that she see out of it more. I don't know where she is now, but if I did, I'd probably tell her about this new study from researchers at McGill University.

They found that the video game Tetris helped 18 subjects who have adult amblyopia (lazy eye). The researchers had half of the subjects wear a patch on the stronger eye while playing the game. The other half played with special goggles designed to see the falling blocks out of one eye, and the blocks on the ground out the other.

After the subjects played the game for two weeks, the researchers noticed that the goggle users had better vision in the weaker eye including better depth perception. The other half who wore the patch showed marginal improvement. When that half used the goggles, their vision and depth perception improved as well.

Now I wonder if they'll come up with something to help fix lazy "ass", since video games seem to only make it worse.

5 THINGS YOU DO ON FACEBOOK (BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO KNOW BETTER)

2013-04-24T16:00:00.000-05:00

I remember when people knew that giving out too much information could get you in trouble, maybe even killed. For example, a latch-key kid at home alone would get in trouble if they told a caller or visitor that their parents were gone. The phrase was usually "he/she's in the bathroom" or "he/she's asleep". The idea was to not let people know that they were alone. It was the only time a child was given permission to lie, and it prevented robberies and possible abductions. You see, keeping your information to yourself was a good thing.

Nowadays, as I look through Facebook, I wonder how people are willing give up so much of their personal information. There's so much "tmi" going on, I put together a list of my top five things people should stop sharing on Facebook.

1. Stop complaining about your boss/job/co-workers

If you're lucky enough to be able to get on Facebook at the job, please stop telling us how big of an idiot your boss is. Your boss is a person too, and probably has a Facebook page. And look, we know that your co-worker smells like feet and throw-up. All co-workers smell like feet and throw-up. Finally, don't diss your job's policies. The last thing you want is someone in charge seeing you bash their mission statement online.

2. Stop posting your kids' information

You know, some people you just can't talk to about this. If I had my way, my children wouldn't be on the internet at all. Since that isn't the case, I do have a major caveat for those of you who plaster your babies' faces all over Facebook. Those of you whose young children are old enough to know their name: stop putting their names on Facebook. I know, you gotta have a name to go with the face, but if I were a pedophile, I'd clean up. You not only give me their names, but you tell me what school they go to. Now, all I need to do is go up there armed with a name and a face, and do my thing.

3. Stop checking in everywhere

Really? Do I need to know that you're at T&D beauty supply? You must don't care about people rolling up on you everywhere you go? What if someone on your friend's list hates your guts, and you check into a place that they can get to before you leave? You just might get yourself in some trouble. Oh! and stop checking in at home and calling it "the spot" or "the crib" or something like that. Your home address? Really? Not to mention that pedophile from #2 might be waiting to get that kid whose name and face he already knows.

4. Stop giving home tours

If you're not on MTV doing it, don't do it on Facebook. Yeah, I know it seems cool to show everyone your jewelry and money and televisions and how many rooms you got, but the last thing you want to do is give people a friggin' layout of your home. You might as well invite everybody over to see for themselves.

5. Stop telling everyone the details of your vacation

It doesn't stop there though. Your "I'm going on vacation" is more like this: "okay we're going on vacation everybody! I'm videoing myself walking through my house because I want you to see what I have to go through to get prepared. I'm going to narrate as I walk. After this I have to go to *enter child's name and school* to let them know that *enter child's name* will be gone. I'm not even going to put in for the time at work. I'll just call off Thursday and Friday, use the Saturday and Sunday, and since Monday isn't technically three consecutive days off, I'll be alright. My stupid-ass boss will be none the wiser." Then when you finally hit the road: "ok we're 150 miles from *enter city*. Getting hungry. Gonna stop." Then you check in at *enter restaurant*. Meanwhile everybody knows how far you are from home and destination, everything in your home, oh - and your home address.

Staying clear from these five no-nos could be the difference between safety, danger and your children being stolen from you.

Did I miss anything? Do you know a violator of one of these rules? Are you a violator of one of these rules? Are you mad?

WOMAN ARRESTED FOR BEATING NEIGHBOR'S DOG TO DEATH

2013-04-23T01:35:00.002-05:00

It's not uncommon for neighbors to argue. Hell, I remember seeing two people argue because one's grass was getting wet by the other's sprinkler. It was funny until one of them got hit in the head with a paint can.

It is however uncommon for someone to beat their neighbor's dog to death with a broom stick. That's what happened in Philly when 21-year-old Lynda Bernhisel and her neighbor, Dana Cassidy were in a heated argument just the other day.

Since journalism sucks nowadays, the details of the argument is unavailable. It does state that Bernhisel made some remarks about Cassidy's father dying from cancer. She probably said, "that's why your dad is dying from cancer" or something like that.

According to investigators, Bernhisel then grabbed a broom handle and began beating Cassidy's 10-year-old Yorkshire, Max in the head until it was smashed.

By the time police arrived, the dog was dead and Cassidy had a few cuts and bruises.

Bernhisel was charged with animal cruelty and aggravated assault and being held on a $5000 bond. She has a court date for May 17 for that, but she has a DUI case from February on April 24. Bernhisel also missed a court date last August for child abuse in which she left her then 1-year-old daughter in a hotel room while she slept inside a nearby restaurant back in 2011.

WOMAN ACCUSED OF SHOVING VIBRATOR UP TWO-YEAR-OLD SON'S ANUS

2013-04-15T13:46:00.002-05:00

I would expect something like this to happen in some tasteless movie...or in Florida, but Rickesha Burns of Phoenix, Ariz. has done the unthinkable. She was arrested a few weeks ago for shoving a vibrating sex toy up the anus of her two-year-old. The vibrator was completely lodged inside the child, and surgery was required to remove it.

According to police, officers were sent to the 21-year-old's home after receiving a report of 'unknown trouble'.

When officers arrived, Burns' son was "crying hysterically" and bleeding uncontrollably from his anus. He was rushed to Phoenix Children's Hospital for examination.

After the examination, doctors told investigators that a vibrator or similar object was lodged deep inside the child's rectum. They also noticed injuries around the boys anus that resembled someone using a clothes hanger to possibly remove the object.

During the interview with detectives, Burns said that she was at a park with her son earlier in the day. She said an unknown 12-year-old boy walked up to her son and made him cry, but she didn't know exactly what happened because she was looking at her phone. All she knew was that he started crying, and that was it. Burns, possibly referring to 2011, when the same child was taken from her, went on say that she worked hard to get her son back and that she wouldn't do anything to hurt him.

Officers found no evidence of Burns being at a park that day or that a 12-year-old could have rolled up on Burns, take the two-year-old, remove his pants and diaper, shove a vibrator all the way up his anus until it disappeared, put the diaper back on, put the pants back on, and leave in ten seconds.

Burns was only charged with sexual conduct with a minor and child abuse. Wow.

BABY MAMA STABS BABY DADDY'S BABY MAMA

2013-04-11T11:04:00.001-05:00

17-year-old Samia Jones appeared in court after stabbing her baby daddy's baby mama in broad daylight. Are you with me so far?

The unnamed 21-year-old stabee was lured into meeting her baby daddy, 17-year-old Daquan Sparks near a train station in Savin Hill, Massachusetts. He told her that he was going to give her some shoes for their 8-month-old baby.

So when the unnamed 21-year-old baby mama approached the meeting spot with the eight-month-old baby in a stroller, Sparks and his other baby mama, Jones jumped out on her. Sparks held her down while Jones stabbed her six times in the face, leg, back and torso with a 12-inch butcher knife. The baby was not hurt.

The 21-year-old managed to get to a nearby ice cream shop for help. She was then rushed to Boston Medical Center where she underwent emergency surgery.

Jones appeared in Dorchester District Court last week and was held on $50,000 cash bond after pleading not guilty. She is charged with armed assault with intent to murder and assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. If she is released, she will wear a GPS bracelet and prohibited to go near her victim.

Sparks will also face charges if the police ever catch up with him.

No one knows the motive for the attack, but I can scrounge up a few in my head. Actually, I want to know why a 21-year-old woman having a child with a 17-year-old boy anyway? And why is that not being questioned? Isn't that a crime? Just asking.

FIVE-YEAR-OLD SUSPENDED FOR WEARING MOHAWK TO SCHOOL

2013-04-11T07:00:00.000-05:00

If you live in the hair capital of the world for as long as I did, you'll see all kinds of hairdos. Big hairdos, little hairdos, hairdos with candy in it, hairdos with pieces of chicken in it, even hairdos with a radio in it.

Despite all of the hairstyles that I've seen, the mohawk is by far my favorite. Hell, I rock the 'hawk every chance I get, and when I do, it always gets its fair share of comments.

The same went for 5-year-old Ethan Clos of Springfield, Ohio. After begging his mom repeatedly for the haircut, she finally let him get it. When he showed up to Reid Primary and Middle School with his new 'do, his kindergarten classmates thought it was pretty awesome. They looked and touched and commented on it so much, that the school administrators deemed the cut "too disruptive" and made him go home until the mohawk was cut off.

According to the report, the superintendent, Gregg Morris said that Ethan's hairstyle was "disruptive to the learning environment", therefore his suspension was justified.

Hey Gregg, you know what's disruptive to the learning environment in a kindergarten setting? Naps, watching cartoons, playing with animals, playing with toys, and eating junk food.

That boy's hair got a few minutes of attention and they act like he did something horrible. It's no wonder why school officials (teachers, principals,superintendents, lunch ladies) are on my short list of people who grind my gears along with animal rights activists and people who are insecure. Their logic is backwards, and the more they speak, the dumber they sound.

Of Pit Bulls and Pinheads...

2013-04-09T12:40:00.002-05:00

There was a tragic event on Staten Island this past weekend, in which police found themselves obligated to shoot someones 'pet' pit bull terrier.

The story seems to be constantly evolving, as one side accuses the other of gross misconduct, and the other accuses it's opposite of being uncaring, unfeeling little dictators with guns, so I figure the truth must lie somewhere in the middle.

So far as I can tell, the general outline of this sordid tale goes something like this:

Some complete ignoramus decided to take her three pit bulls out for a walk in a public park. At least one of the animals was unleashed. As is common when multiple dogs are in such close proximity, a fight broke out among at least two of the animals, and at least one of them turned on it's owner who tried to break the fight up.

Read more »

MAN GETS SLAP ON THE WRIST FOR SEVERELY BEATING HIS NEWBORN

2013-04-08T16:27:00.001-05:00

A grand jury has indicted 30-year-old Joseph McFall for beating his 8-week-old baby so bad that it has permanent brain damage and is possibly blind. In addition to the brain damage and the possible blindness, the baby was left with broken arms and ribs.

The incident happened between August and October 2012 when the mother - McFall's wife - was in the hospital for pneumonia. She said that her mother was helping him care for the baby while she was away. The mother - who didn't want to be identified - said that McFall was with the baby in a room when he ran suddenly out of the house. Minutes later the grandmother found the baby to be unresponsive, so she called 911.

McFall has been in the Cobb County Jail in Georgia since October when he was first arrested on child cruelty charges. The grand jury indicted him last week.

Although McFall beat a newborn into brain damage and possible blindness, he was only charged with two counts of child cruelty and two counts of aggravated battery. Wow.

SEX-ED TEACHER IN TROUBLE FOR TEACHING SEX-ED

2013-04-04T07:00:00.000-05:00

Meet Tim McDaniel. He's a Biology teacher at Dietrich high school in Dietrich, Idaho. In the nearly 17 years as a biology teacher, McDaniel has taught the sex-ed portion of what's supposed to be health class. And he says that he teaches it the same way every year - right from the course syllabus.

The health teacher wasn't comfortable with the subject matter, so McDaniel agreed to add it to his tenth grade Biology class. Year after year, it has been smooth sailing, so it was a big surprise when McDaniel found out that a group of parents on behalf of students filed a complaint against him and the way he teaches his sex-ed course.

Most of the parents were upset because he didn't send any notification home with the students. Other complaints include McDaniel showing a video of a genital herpes infection, teaching forms of birth control and making jokes during the lessons.

I don't know about your sex-ed class, but we were shown videos of diseases. Lots of videos of diseases. How are you supposed to know what herpes looks like if you can't see it? And I remember how our teacher made jokes about how we don't want our parts looking like cauliflower. It was an awkward time, learning about sex in school, from a woman so old, she looked like Mick - Rocky's trainer. So the jokes eased the tension. At least with us.

Now I do remember having to get a permission slip signed before we could participate, so I see the gripe there. The content is graphic and it contains the truth. The fact of the matter is, if parents stopped lying to their kids about sex, this course would be helpful to their version of the birds and the bees.

As of yet, McDaniel has not been suspended or fired during the investigation.

So ... do the parents have a legitimate beef, or are they and their kids a bunch of weaklings? What was your sex-ed class like? How about that health teacher who didn't want to teach it? Shouldn't they have been fired before getting hired?

ONLY IN FLORIDA: TEACHER MAKES 8-YEAR-OLD PULL FECES FROM BACKED-UP TOILET

2013-04-01T10:51:00.001-05:00

I don't think I've ever seen a school distance themselves so far from an incident that occurred within it's walls.

A substitute teacher at the Dinsmore Elementary School in Jacksonville asked a third-grader to pull poop from a clogged toilet last week, and when the parents went to the school for answers, they were told that there was nothing they could do. You see, not only is the teacher a substitute, she's also a temp employed by Kelly Services.

According to school officials, they rely on Kelly Services to hire the best, and since the teacher isn't technically a Duval County Employee, they can't discipline her. They did however assure the parents of the little girl that the appropriate action had been taken. The substitute will no longer work at Dinsmore, but will still be allowed to work at other Duval County schools.

I can't believe their school system. They totally shifted the blame and responsibility to Kelly Services. I wonder what would happen if one of those temps inappropriately touched a student. Would they still assign blame? My guess is yes even though the school system is responsible for the childrens' safety and well-being.

Personally, I feel that Duval County shouldn't allow anyone to work in their schools that they can't discipline at any given time. Their temps may feel like the rules don't apply to them which may be the reason the teacher asked an 8-year-old to unclog a backed-up toilet with her hand in the first place.

And those parents are good ones. Let me find out that one of my kids were forced to do something they didn't want to do. I don't care what it is. I wouldn't be on TV looking all hopeless, that's for sure.

MAN CONVICTED OF DROPPING TV ON NEIGHBOR'S HEAD AND STABBING HER 54 TIMES

2013-04-01T08:16:00.000-05:00

When Nena Grace asked me if I had heard about what Lashon Hollman did, I almost laughed. Not because I thought it was funny, but because it just sounded funny. It's no laughing matter though, and the jury who only deliberated 15 minutes before finding him guilty didn't think so either.

Authorities say that the 21-year old from Saginaw, Mich. dropped a "fatback TV" on his neighbor Cassandra Nelson's head then stabbed the 27-year old in the back and neck area 54 times before leaving her for dead back in February 2012.

Details are scarce, and although Hollman maintains that he didn't kill Nelson, his DNA was found on a bloody bread knife that was found underneath her mattress and a beer can near the body. Hollman admitted that he was in Nelson's home with Nelson and another man. He left for a few minutes and when he returned, the other man was assaulting Nelson. Hollman also told investigators that he sat with Nelson for 10-15 minutes while she begged him to not let her die.

but he never called for help

Quamay Henne, listed as Hollman's best friend, was visiting from out of town and told detectives that Hollman confessed that he "stabbed the *expletive* out of her". However, on the MLive website, a friend of Hollman's who isn't named, made some comments that may have been useful to the police:

and why were you not at his trial defending him?

This "friend" goes on to say:

so you have a letter from the one person who said that Hollman confessed to killing Nelson saying how sorry he is for lying and you're not doing anything more than defending your friend's "honor" on websites?

In the words of my 18-month old son, "Really?"

Hollman was convicted of first-degree premeditated murder, felony murder, torture, larceny, and carrying a dangerous weapon with unlawful intent, but whoever dropped the TV on that woman's head and stabbed her 54 times had to have been pretty damn mad. After the TV on the head, that should've been it. How tiring must it be to stab some over 50 times?

The TV alone did her in, according to the medical examiner, and the 54 stabs were overkill...literally.

FATHER ARRESTED: KEPT ONE CHILD IN DOG CAGE, LEFT ANOTHER OUTSIDE NAKED IN THE COLD

2012-11-17T09:07:00.001-06:00

The picture on the left is a graphic example of what a mixture of crystal meth, prescription drugs and alcohol can do to a human being. This man hardly looks alive, at all. If he were to be buried today, no one would need any embalming fluid, I reckon.

And certainly he must have been at least brain dead, because neighbors called the police when they found his three year old son, naked and shivering on the front porch, crying to be let back into the house.

When the cops arrived, they not only found the naked three year old outside, they also found a 16 month old girl locked in a dog cage, covered in feces.

A further search of the house found this miscreant, identified as William Lewallen of Tulsa, Oklahoma, in bed with another naked three year old, and passed out in a stupor of drugs and beer.

Read more »

BECAUSE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW: THE SEX LIVES OF CONJOINED TWINS

2012-11-17T08:30:00.001-06:00

Because what man in his right mind wouldn't want to have sex with these two, right?

I had meant to write about this a few weeks ago, but with hurricanes and elections and all sorts of other tomfoolery to deal with, I didn't get around to it.

My apologies: for it is our mission here at the Insane Asylum to bring you all the weirdness humanity has to offer, and I have been remiss in my sacred trust.

Anyways, it seems that someone has actually written an article on the subject of the sexual urges and feelings of conjoined twins.

Read more »

I KNEW IT! POLICE SAY SHARMEKA MOFFITT SET HERSELF ON FIRE

2012-10-24T10:46:00.000-05:00

Why do you think our tagline is "social commentary off meds"? Have you wondered that? It's because our views on certain issues are so out there, we must be off our meds. There's a method to our madness though, and dammit you witnessed it yesterday when I said that if the KKK set Sharmeka Moffitt on fire, I'd be surprised.

In case you live under a rock, Sharmeka Moffitt is the Louisiana woman who said that three hooded men doused her with a flammable liquid and set her on fire Sunday night in a park as she walked on a paved trail. The 20-year-old also said that they wrote a racial slur on her car along with the initials, "KKK". The story goes on to say that she was able to put herself out with a water spigot that was conveniently nearby before calling her sister and 911.

While everyone was outraged at the Klan for doing this horrible act, Nena Grace and I put our "Black cards" on the line and called bullshit, poppycock and shenanigans. We saw right through her story.

I asked some very straightforward questions about the situation. Questions that apparently no one else thought about since it was pretty etched in stone that the KKK did what she say they did:

1. Why were you at a park after dark anywhere in Louisiana alone? You live in Louisiana. You know better.

2. Three men set you on fire. You say you couldn't tell their race yet they wore white hoods. Why did you need to specify that you didn't know their race is they wore white hoods? What did they say to you? Did they do this in silence?

3. They wrote on your car. How did they know it belonged to you? You were on the trail.

I got a commenter who helped me out with 2 more questions:

4. You were able to call 911. Why wasn't your phone damaged from the fire or the water you say you used to put yourself out.

5. How did the Klan conveniently not set your face on fire? You were burned from the neck down.

After investigating the scene, police say they found a lighter and lighter fluid with Moffitt's fingerprints on them. That was proof enough for them to determine that she was not attacked by KKK members, and that the injuries were indeed self-inflicted. They also determined that Moffitt used toothpaste to smear the message and the KKK initials on her car.

She's in critical condition with over 60% of her body burned, and when she gets better, she'll probably be facing charges for lying on the Klan.

All I can think about is her poor mother who got on television pleading for justice against her aggressors. She's the real loser in this whole ordeal. The embarrassment she must feel. Now she has to see about getting mental help for her daughter, the one who set herself afire and blamed the KKK.

IF THE KKK BURNED SHARMEKA MOFFITT UP, I'D BE SURPRISED

2012-10-23T14:10:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking about the story of Sharmeka Moffitt, the Louisiana woman who was set afire in a park. As the story goes, Moffitt was at a park on Sunday night in Winnsboro when she was doused with a flammable liquid and set on fire by three men who wore white hoods. They wrote a racial slur and the letters "KKK" on the hood of her car, symbolizing the group that was behind the act of violence.

She was burned over 60% over her body and that was only because she was able to put herself out with a water spigot that was nearby.

I know that it's easy to blame the Klan for crimes against Black people. It's no secret that they don't like us, and saying that the Klan is behind a hate crime garners a lot of sympathy.

I remember the Black man in Florida who went as far as setting up a cross in his yard and torching it just to save his marriage with his White wife. He blamed the Klan, it was believable. But he messed up, and it came to light.

That brings me to my questions.

Knowing that the KKK presence is prevalent in Louisiana, why would you go to a park at night alone to walk on a paved trail? I know that here in Alabama, you don't go to parks or any secluded areas at night alone. You just don't do it.

You say that three men did this to you. What did they say before setting you afire? Did they silently do this? Did they say something like, "hey n*****, whatcha doing out here by yourself"? or "hey n*****, where's your pimp?" You know what I mean? What did they say?

They wrote "KKK" and "racial slurs' on the hood of your car, which wasn't near where you were if you were on a paved trail. How did they know that it was your car?

You say that that you couldn't tell their race because of the hoods and the darkness. Maybe if they said something, you could get a better idea of what kind of people did this.

I'm not saying that this didn't happen. Obviously the woman is burned and in critical condition. I'm not saying that she set herself on fire either. I'm saying that it doesn't seem like that Klan was behind this. I hate to say that it was someone she knew, but things doesn't add up to me. Like it was staged to make it seem like the Klan did it or something.

My heart goes out to Moffitt and her family, and I hope they catch those who did it. I'm waiting on more details, but if it indeed was the Klan who was behind this, I would be surprised.

9-YEAR-OLD GIRL SHOT SEVERAL TIMES BY FAMILY MEMBER, MISTAKEN FOR SKUNK

2012-10-22T14:11:00.000-05:00

Okay patients, listen up. Today I want to teach you the difference between a skunk and a 9-year-old girl. The skunk (rearus stinkamus) is a mammal that is known for excreting a liquid with a strong odor from its rear, hence the Latin name provided above. They are categorized into four groups: hog-nosed, hooded, striped, and spotted.

According to Encyclopedia Britannica, skunks range in color from the typical black with a white stripe to brown to cream-colored. Skunks vary in size depending on the type, from 16 to 37 inches long and from 1 to 16 pounds.

The average American 9-year-old girl (spoilous bratimus) is also a mammal. They do not however walk on four legs and excrete a spray from the rear. At least most of them don't. The average 9-year-old ranges in height from 4 feet to 5 feet tall, although it has been documented that some are taller. The average 9-year-old weighs from 60 to as much as 90 pounds in some instances.

There's no way to mistake the two, which bring us to our story.

A 9-year-old in New Sewickley, Pennsylvania went to a Halloween party Saturday night wearing a black costume with white tassels and a black hat. A man who is described as a male relative thought she was a skunk in the distance, and shot her several times, striking her in the shoulder, arm, neck and back. The girl was allegedly playing on a small hill nearby when she was shot. It isn't clear whether the girl was returning from the party, whether or not other kids were around, or where the party was. It is determined that the male relative had not drinking at the time of the incident.

The girl was taken to the hospital where doctors operated on her. At the time of this article, she was in critical condition. There was no arrest, but the case has been handed to the district attorney for further consideration.

My thing is this: how do you mistake a girl for skunk? If you can see black and white at night at a distance, how can you not tell the difference between the two? He may not have been drinking, but in rural Pennsylvania, I wouldn't be surprised if meth or pills were involved.

WOMAN FAKES KIDNAPPING TO GET OUT OF WORK

2012-10-21T00:17:00.000-05:00

I remember when we wrote about the teen in Florida who faked his own kidnapping to get $50,000 from his father. I also remember the woman we wrote about who faked her own kidnapping because she felt that her boyfriend gave their child more attention than her.

There's something telling about a person's mental state when they fake their own abduction - for whatever reason. That brings us to Sheila Bailey Eubanks of Texas. Eubanks told police that a man jumped into her car while she was at a Credit Union ATM in San Antonio. The man allegedly made her drive around the city at knifepoint, so he could make what she described as drug deals.

After he made his multiple drug deals across San Antonio, he tied her up and left her in a field.

When detectives searched her purse, guess what they found? They found a lottery ticket that was purchased during the time she was supposedly being held hostage. They went to the store of purchase, checked the surveillance tape, and yep, there was Eubanks buying a ticket - alone.

The detectives also checked the tape at the ATM where the man allegedly jumped in her car. There was no man. They only saw her driving away alone.

When they showed her the lottery ticket, she admitted that she wasn't abducted. She said that she didn't feel like going to work, and she wanted a little attention. She was charged with aggravated perjury, and was held on $10,000 bond.

Yeah, if I were a cop, I would've been aggravated too.