Insane Mind Power

I've been labeled but I forgive you.

2008-04-23T20:05:00.002+08:00

Excellent. There always has to be someone labeling you some time in your life. For some it happens frequently. For others, it is seldom. For me, it hasn't happened in a while, until recently. But it is quite puzzling when someone you're closely acquainted with does the same due to a misunderstanding. Or rather, a communication error. Speaks a lot about where I stand and where that someone sees me. What the fuck that person meant about me saving my own ass, I haven't a clue. That person seems to not want to reply via a form of communicative medium? With all due respect, that is a little disturbing. Just because the person didn't seem to get what they wanted at that point in time, doesn't constitute labeling someone. It is far from necessary. If you have a problem with the way I handle things, then speak to me. I tried to probe but no response thus far. And I have always had this person's best interest in my interest. And now I am labeled as such. I am disturbed. This is how things are handled. I have my own issues to handle as well. I am also bogged down with a few issues. If I had caused a delay in providing you with the information you had required, you speak of that issue. You don't speak of something which is unrelated because you're having some issues on your own. What kind of logical approach to problem solving is that? Criticize and condemn me all you want. I am open to such things but let it be for the issue at hand. Not send me a message and ask me to go decrypt something about getting the inner meaning if I have the caliber. I am not a psychic to know what you're rambling on about. In fact, I haven't a clue. Yet you made it seem like I committed the crime of the century. This better not be a method of escapism by blatantly blaming me for any of your shortcomings. I am sorry but I am also human. I also have issues at hand to tackle. Do I judge you or label you for your actions/inactions? Then what right do you have to label me as you wish? Please, act with an open heart. Don't be biased because of a previous incident which I was involved in. That is far from being a just human. And you acting this way is most disturbing. Here, I have deep respect and love for you, my friend. But you put across messages in such context. Sigh. Albeit, I have stayed away from practically everyone for a while now, I believe I know what I am doing and why I am doing it. It is absolutely necessary for me. I am a man. That is what men do when they have a major issue they need to settle. They go into their caves and remain silent. They back off from rest of the world until the issue is resolved. That is what I am trying to arrive at. It is a normal psychological behaviour for a male. At what rate I get over this ultimately depends on how fact I act on the solution that is yet evading me. But I believe it will come in the right time. I have screwed up way too many times and this is just another one of them. I need this space to re-evaluate my purpose in life. As I have mentioned before and will do it once again, I am sorry if my words came out wrong and it was not my intention to do so. But you failing to understanding and blatantly throwing such words at me is far from justified. I wish you will get back to me at the soonest. I will do my part to try to get through to you without annoying you. i believe this issue can be resolved. It has been a rough year thus far. Why make it rougher by having this grudge with me, my dear friend. Talk to me, please. Love you, my good friend. Take care. Peace. And yes, I am sorry, once again.

NB: Normally I post something trying to sound grammatically correct but I am mentally exhausted and not going to make an effort to correct myself. If you do notice any errors, do bear with me. If it really annoys you, let me know. I'll change it the next time I update.

Oh and thanks for listening to my musings. Peace.

Hooray for my government and to me, too

2008-04-15T14:33:00.003+08:00

Apparently, my government is giving away some money, again, to all its citizens. Albeit its not much but I could sure do with some extra cash right now. But the problem is, how am I going to get that money into my online account? I don't have a credit card. And I need money in my online account in order to apply for a VCC. Argh. I'll find a way. I always find a way. Maybe I'll just convince someone I know to transfer me the cash and then I'll rip them off later on. Shhh, it's our little secret. Don't tell them. No, they won't read my blog entry as well. Nah, I'll pay them when I have some extra cash. I'm a nice guy. Honest to Google, I am! See, I really need to start a decent porn site (ironic, eh?). You know, porn, but with all the juicy details cut out. If you haven't a clue, then never mind. I'll show it to you when it is up. I am looking for male actors to audition for me. Send me your videos, minus your crown jewels. And ladies, ladies, need I say more? Send me your videos! I'll make you famous, I swear!

P.S. If you're a NSFW or NSFK or NSFH website lover, stay away from this site. Don't come here to whine and bitch about my cool content. Bugger off. Thank you, come again.

Overwhelmingly Insane

2008-04-13T16:24:00.003+08:00

In my last post, I mentioned I'd do a write up on the top 9,999,999 things about Social Bookmarking. Unfortunately, due to overwhelming response within myself, I am unable to list down all of them. Why? Simple. There are more than 9,999,999 reasons. So I didn't want to do injustice to this article by only listing so few.

That aside, I am slowly starting to lose my sanity. Here is my current predicament. I am currently on a conquest to become overwhelmingly rich but my resources are at an all time low. My unemployment status and massively low bank account isn't helping me, as yet. Trust me when I say low. I don't have a credit card and I cannot even afford to buy a domain name or paid hosting. Plus I am bogged down by huge debts. Oh, don't ask how much. This is not a confession. Just me ranting away to satisfy myself. You see, writing helps me to relax and think. Immediately there is no solution.

But there is a workaround. I just need the community to support me. No, I am not asking for donations. But if you wish to donate, please contact me asap! Why the community, eh? The idea of working for someone or under someone isn't pleasing at all. Albeit, I have been working professionally, for six years, I have grown tired of it. The rat race isn't my thing. It is also a little disappointing that everyone around me is in a similar situation. Has it got anything to do with me?

Yes, I am afraid it does. Everyone else around me have their own set of calculated/miscalculated issues. It is discomforting and discouraging for me to seek help from a closed door and not-so-rich social circle. So I have, well, theoretically, moved away from everyone I know. Come on, you're still online, how can you be in a state of solitude, you may ask. I agree. But I rather not talk about my current predicament to these people. All they do is question why I didn't perform better in the past and keep my current job, grit my teeth and just live like the rest of them? Well, I wish to live comfortably. Enough said. If it takes me a while to make it big, I'd gladly do it. No more 9-5 job for me. Condescend and criticize me for all I care. I've heard enough bullshit already.

Time to take action. The time has come. The time is here. The time is now.

Top 10 Things I Hate About Social Bookmarking

2008-04-10T04:28:00.003+08:00

Ahhh don't we all love tits? I mean lists? So here is my list about the Top 10 Things I Hate About Social Bookmarking. Why Top 10? Cause I only have 10 and they are the top. So shove it and read.

1. They're everywhere. In every blog, every website and every toilet.

2. They don't come with tits. Wait ... some do. I am just not that lucky, yet.

3. Too many of them. Last I checked ... wait I never checked. Probably in the range of 100s.

4. You spend way too much time sitting in front of your screen, waiting for replies.

5. You do it cause all your friends think it's cool. You haven't a clue.

6. You still go ahead and do it even if you have no idea what you're doing.

7. You sign up for too many accounts not knowing its purpose.

8. You tend to focus on one or two coolersocial bookmarks, abandoning the rest.

9. You get people to join in, even if they don't want to or have no idea what social bookmarking is.

10. You're a victim of it. It's addictive but mommy still loves you.

So there. What are your Top 10 reasons? Feel free to post them here. Come on, guys! Get involved. That's why we posts lists, right? We secretly believe that our readers will get involved in the fun if we post lists, right? So step right in!

Plus, in the upcoming post, I will list out the Top 9,999,999 reasons why I love tits. I mean social bookmarking.

Pregnant Men

2008-04-06T21:50:00.002+08:00

This has to be the weirdest subject to hit the Internet since the Internet itself. So much hype has been going around this story. There is no hard evidence that this is even real and that the tests conducted are even real. Anything can be conjured up to be 'true' these days. Probably just a story for some major propaganda and to get the public involved. It sounds massively insane and these radical scientists are thriving on people like us. They need people to actually discuss such issues to create more hype about it. Theoretically speaking, some of their ideas/ideals are not just their own manifestation but are some that certain human beings have 'always wanted' so they're satisfying their needs for a sum of money.

That aside, why do you think the Chinese dude Mr Lee went on Oprah? Simple. To get the word out and empathy (more like sympathy and bullshit love) so that more people will talk about it and embrace/condemn him. Publicity stunt. And as much as Oprah has done her fair share of good for society, such publicity is certainly unnecessary, especially for children, and it will only create more rumors surrounding this story. Sure, we can all raise our opinions and views on the standing issue but theoretically it isn't going to change anything drastically by discussing about it here or anywhere else for that matter. Unless people physically vote down against such weird experiments, these people will continue to size up such acts of i-don't-know-what-to-call-them. Seems all like some melodramatic reality tv to me with an added boost of salt.

If these couples really want to have their kids in whatever fashion, please, for the love of humanity, keep it under the sheets. No need to publicize. What use is this bringing us by going public? Sure, we adults can somehow adjust our mentality to accept such things but how are we to explain such 'unnatural acts' to our young ones? Isn't such events going to steer them into a different path as compared to what they deem possible and acceptable? Wouldn't this alter their state of mind even further and cause conflict in their heads. The world has enough problems already. We are just finding ways and means to pile them up together. Hasn't anyone though of this?

To make the issue even more ridiculous, more the Ex-Man and Mr. Lee are only concerned about how they have always wanted to have a baby and how fulfilling it will be for them as its their lifelong dream, blah blah blah. Once again, some of us have truly showcased that we are indeed the selfish species and that we only care for ourselves. Absolutely no one in their silly experiment seem overly concerned about the children that are going to come into existence and how they will grow up in 'Strangeland'. Once again, the children are left to suffer. When will these people ever, ever think of the children? Now bear in mind that I am pretty open to bi/transgender relationships but anything concerning and putting the survival and livelihood of children at stake is something I'd rather not tolerate.

The $25 Contest from ThaGuru.com

2008-04-05T18:20:00.002+08:00

It seems our friend at ThaGuru has some money to give away, so he has setup a contest to write a post about that contest and comment on his blog and he would drop by and check to see if you have actually done it. Contest ends on April 30 2008. What an ingenious way to gain traffic to his site and get the blogging community involved. Now, if only I had $50 to spare. Oh well, here is the entry you requested ThaGuru. Now I wish you good luck in choosing the winner!

April Fool

2008-04-01T00:02:00.002+08:00

In the heart of April Fool's day, here is an overused, not rated article about April Fool which I conveniently decided to steal off the net. Thank you God for your assistance. We love you too.

"The history of April Fool's Day or All Fool's Day is uncertain, but the current thinking is that it began around 1582 in France with the reform of the calendar under Charles IX. The Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year's Day was moved from March 25 - April 1 (new year's week) to January 1.

Communication traveled slowly in those days and some people were only informed of the change several years later. Still others, who were more rebellious refused to acknowledge the change and continued to celebrate on the last day of the former celebration, April 1. These people were labeled "fools" by the general populace, were subject to ridicule and sent on "fool errands," sent invitations to nonexistent parties and had other practical jokes played upon them. The butts of these pranks became known as a "poisson d'avril" or "April fish" because a young naive fish is easily caught. In addition, one common practice was to hook a paper fish on the back of someone as a joke.

This harassment evolved over time and a custom of prank-playing continue on the first day of April. This tradition eventually spread elsewhere like to Britain and Scotland in the 18th century and was introduced to the American colonies by the English and the French. Because of this spread to other countries, April Fool's Day has taken on an international flavor with each country celebrating the holiday in its own way.

In Scotland, for instance, April Fool's Day is devoted to spoofs involving the buttocks and as such is called Taily Day. The butts of these jokes are known as April 'Gowk', another name for cuckoo bird. The origins of the "Kick Me" sign can be traced back to the Scottish observance.

In England, jokes are played only in the morning. Fools are called 'gobs' or 'gobby' and the victim of a joke is called a 'noodle.' It was considered back luck to play a practical joke on someone after noon.

In Rome, the holiday is known as Festival of Hilaria, celebrating the resurrection of the god Attis, is on March 25 and is also referred to as "Roman Laughing Day."

In Portugal, April Fool's Day falls on the Sunday and Monday before lent. In this celebration, many people throw flour at their friends.

The Huli Festival is celebrated on March 31 in India. People play jokes on one another and smear colors on one another celebrating the arrival of Spring.

So, no matter where you happen to be in the world on April 1, don't be surprised if April fools fall playfully upon you."

The next time you feel naughty, kinky or horny on April Fool's, please look for me. I am willing to make your butt my personal throbbing joke. Yay.

I stumbled upon face book and it was delicious and I totally digg it but it got slashdotted

2008-03-23T23:51:00.006+08:00

Either I am totally lost on what is happening in the Internet world or I am really totally lost. Gone were the days when Friendster was the king of social network sites. Or was it Adult Friend Finder? Others like Hi5 and Ringo and some others which I am too lazy to find out popped up here and there to spice up the already lost competition. And then we had Multiply which seemed to reign for a while until Facebook came and conquered them all just when MySpace was leading the race. And for the niche community of students, there is Yearbook. And then came along the Blogs and the Wikis and etc. I might have missed out a lot of other stuff. Hey, I'm no tech junkie, you know. Just an informant for the uninitiated who always ask me questions when they can easily get a faster and better answer on Google. Oh, unless you consider me a guru, say in the subject of the female species or sex, then please consult me. My email address is here.

Now unless you're a stranger to the internet world, (you're not alone, I am as strange as you are), you must have realized there are all these social network or social bookmark sites and blog/article submitting directories. The original one I believe that started this is Slashdot. Readers target mostly tech websites links and they post them on Slashdot and the amount of hits they to the site that gets posted is so massive that the sites literally encounter downtime or even crash. This was and is still popularly known as being Slashdotted or the Slashdot Effect. These social bookmark sites are everywhere. A quick Google Search will churn out the results. Hey, I've already given you the search link, go click on the links. Okay back to social bookmarking sites. For starters, the more common ones I can think of are StumbleUpon, Digg, Reddit, Furl and Del.icio.us. Best part is, joining is FREE! Weeeee!

Yes, you read that right. Del.icio.us. So what do these sites do? Well they allow the posters to surf the internet and favourite their sites online, so that they can access it anywhere else in the end, and rate these sites and the more popular the site becomes by bookmarking it, it naturally becomes a hit and more traffic gets to that site. If most of the internet users out there in this world and Mars think that your site sucks, then it is time to go and die. No, of course not. Just ask for people on how to revive your webpage. The online or rather faceless community is pretty friendly and always there to lend a helping hand. All you have to do is put aside your ego and ask. Most of them will be willing to help you at almost or even zero cost.

Disclaimer: Subject to their availability. I am not their guardian, so don't go firing at them cause you took my word for it that you might get free help. There is no free lunch. If you're lucky, you might get lunch or dinner. That's it. Now quit whining. Bitch.

So if your site gets stumbled or digged (congratulations!), assuming you have one kick-ass site/blog unlike mine (insert heh sound here), make sure you have enough bandwidth to keep it online in case it also faces the Slashdot Effect. If you don't know what bandwidth means, it simply means that it your site get crashed and it cannot be accessed, you obviously don't have enough bandwidth. Simplest way to explain things. Then you will become an instant famous and/or infamous person online! Only for a while till the hype dies off. But who cares, your shot at becoming popular online is there, so go get your site crashed! You might even get featured on CNN/BBC! Okay, okay, so it seems that all these stuff are leaning towards Web 2.0, which I will not go through here, go and read at the given link. This is the future of the web, to what I know. I do not have access to the cosmos to know if there will be a Web 4.5 Ver 6 available but if you get any informating from God or his sidekicks, keep me posted. So move aside just friend finding networking sites, enter social networking/booking marking sites! For those who are wishing for the worse to happen to me, no, I will not get slashdotted. Thank you very much.

How to save the world - Part - III - I'm kidding, really I am

2008-03-21T08:39:00.011+08:00

Okay, so you're all geared up to save the world now or later, right? Wrong! No, I don't mean that you don't possess the capability to save the world. I am just here to say that you don't just pack a few stuff and pretend you're some super-hero and read this post and do the whole saving the whole thing. I mean, like, what are you, an idiot? Straighten up, man! There is just so much to do. Here's what we will plan out. Hey, I mean, if you're going to save the world, you need a plan, right? So hold on to your horses and grab that pen (working one, please) and paper and let's write down those world saving pointers! Right on, mate!

Right. And you actually read all that and almost believed I didn't have the much anticipated answer? I mean, if you were actually reading this far, you were waiting for some mambo jambo or miracle, right? Well, here it goes. The way to save the world is in you. There. I've said it. Yes, in you, you dweeb. Oh, you don't get the whole in you thing, right? Just as I thought. I mean you came all the way here to find the answer to saving the world, right? I almost forgot my saviour status. So I will hold your hand and let you know what I meant by in you. Time to get a little serious here, so pick up the phone and get ready to dial your local ambulance hotline in case you're about to flip.

Okay, okay! Enough already! On with it! Sure thing, mate. You're the boss. Right. So, as I was saying, the way to save the world is in you. Literally in you. Somewhere in that amoeba or sub-atomic particle in you. No, don't cut yourself up to find out. I'm dead serious. Some people will literally take what I am saying, literally. Yes, I meant literally in you. Not physically in you. It's in the way you think. Oh no! Not another positive minded save yourself and save the world theory you scream! Dude, you're here to friggin' save the world. You clean out your friggin' thoughts and acts first! You can't go and save the world if you're a closet masturbation expert, right? I don't know what that means either but you get the point. Rest assured, I am not here to sell you some ebook for $97 or $47 and have an extra special super discount page for $7 or take a 30 day course for $997, $497 or have an extra special super discount page for the $297 one-of-a-kind-super-advanced-never-heard-before-but-was-used-by-people-
ages-ago-and-used-by-all-the-top-internet-marketing-gurus-
or-experts-kind-of-meditation with my iron,steel, metal, silver, gold or whatever metallic substance I can find 30, 60 or 90 days money back guarantee for you to get attuned in first before saving the world. (Was a really long sentence, I know.) The world doesn't have 30 days. The world only has its people. The world only has You. Touche? Yeah, I know.

Here is the your ultimate world saving plan. Approved by every known world saving guru out there on and off the internet! Heck, it's even approved by Superman! Now you have absolutely no fear of doing your part to save the world! The gist of it is simple. It's always simple, isn't it? You clean out your thoughts and acts starting from today. Yes, no secret mantras involved! No one is asking you to be a saint or hermit. Those are for guys and girls who wish to look like Himalayan monkeys and don't wish to get laid, like ever. Do a small good deed today. Like read this blog and tell someone who really deserves help. Just reading this post won't help him/her, you moron! I mean, tell them the good stuff I am writing out here. Hey, this is hard work, you know. It's not a sit down and meditate and expect the rest of the world to help you concept. You help yourself first. You be a better person from today onwards. You treat that little bitch in the park with kindness. No, not hit it on with that hot mama/milf. I meant the dog. You give your food, preferably leftovers, to your neighbour. Never mind if it is not halal if he/she is a Muslim. They usually won't eat it or give it away, anyway. It's the thought that counts. Yes, they have angels on your left and right to count your brownie points for you! Yay! How cool is that? Stop dreaming and listen up! You give that guy/girl on the streets who is faking an illness or a handicap and give him/her your last 10 dollars and pray to your favourite God, who looks much better than you by the way, that your good deed will come back to you in ten fold. Hey, karma, remember? What goes around comes around. Do not try that by throwing a knife or shooting a bullet at someone. That person will be dead and the wound or shot won't come back to you. Okay, maybe if you're a ghost lover, they might but ghosts have better things to do than to look ugly and haunt people.

At the end of 30 days like how they all like it, see how much a better person or loser you've become. If you're a better person, than good. See if you can be featured on your local TV show to advertise yourself and gain instant pop status! If you've become a loser, at least feel proud that your loss has resulted in something for the greater good. After all, it is always about the greater good. Every guru propagates that fact that you're one with the rest of the Universe. Sure you are. No really, you are. Just don't fuck it up for others cause you're only going to fuck it up for yourself. And no, I am not fucking kidding here. Now go ahead and dial that ambulance hotline and tell them that some deranged fella has given you instructions to follow but never asked you to buy anything. Or call your nearest child-loving priest or self-help line to seek further help. You've been served. Peace.

P.S. Nothing to see here. This part is usually the most noticed in any letter/post, eh? Yeap, you just proved it. Sheesh.

Pay-Per-Play Media

2008-03-20T03:24:00.002+08:00

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How to save the world - Part II - Truth

2008-03-03T23:23:00.000+08:00

So what is the truth or rather, Truth? If everyone of us have our own variation of the Truth, what constitutes the real Truth? Perhaps, there is one such Truth that exists. At least, to me is does. One that is free from falsehood and error. We shall call it Ultimate Truth or Absolute Truth for now. We all like to label things, don't we? So where do we find this Truth? Well, we shall find out. I ask too many questions for your own good. So read on if you're interested.

Ever had one of those episodes where you're scratching your head out to resolve a long outstanding issue and there just doesn't seem to be any way to overcome it? So you spend way too much time trying to get around it and eventually you just give up and let it go. At least most of us do. For those who are mentally strong, you know where I'm headed. So you go about your usual mundane routine after some time, and one day you're dumbstruck with the most obvious (but not so obvious then) solution and you'd slap yourself silly for thinking, "Why didn't I think of that before?" So the solution had come to you. (If such a thing has never happened to you, either you're unaware of yourself or you simply refuse to believe anything that you'd deem as ridiculous or out of the ordinary or you just got to wait for your turn). But where from? Divine intervention, I'd say? So all we have to do was whenever we had a standing issue, to just let it go and wait for the solution and it will pop out at an unknown time? Seems like it does, at times, if we let it come to us. Whether we have the patience for it is another issue. We're too caught up with our current predicament to actually wait for this solution. Perhaps. We're always on the lookout for that instant solution but the solution doesn't arrive oh-so instantly. We're far too impatient to wait and just give up. Fair enough. I mean if you have a massive debt to resolve, you'd spend time worrying about it day and night and focus on that as compared to waiting for the solution to arrive, right? Come on, we're just human, you'd argue. Well, for argument's sake, yeah we are but are we really human or is there more to us?

So what does all this have to do with the Truth, Ultimate Truth or Absolute Truth? Simply put, there lies the Absolute Truth in us. Yes, right inside of us. Huh? Where? Beats me, buster. If I knew, I'd be richer than all the richest people in the world. So just know it is inside of us. In came from inside of you somewhere, right? It is this Ultimate Truth aka Divine Intervention that provides the solution to us when we're ready to accept it, as some enlightened people would say or have you believe. We'd love to disagree with that but at the same time we'd easily nod our heads to that too. Desperate times call for desperate measures. So now that we know that the solution provider is labeled as Truth, Ultimate Truth, Absolute Truth, Divine Intervention or whatever uber cool term we'd love to give it, how do we go about being in sync with so that we can solve all our problems and some day save the world? This is about saving the world, right? You mean, it is not? It is? Fine, fine, I will wait for Part III to find out more.

Disclaimer, well sort of: We're all suckers for believing someone who seems to know better than us. So we either condemn them or embrace them depending on what happens to us after we believe them and take action based on their words. Take the initiative to do your own research first before coming to your own conclusion about anything. Don't be too quick to blame others for your own shortcomings. We're all 100% responsible for our own actions. Peace.

Well, what do you know?

2008-02-27T23:03:00.000+08:00

I'm evaluating a multi-media course on blogging from the folks at Simpleology. For a while, they're letting you snag it for free if you post about it on your blog.

It covers:

The best blogging techniques.
How to get traffic to your blog.
How to turn your blog into money.

I'll let you know what I think once I've had a chance to check it out. Meanwhile, go grab yours while it's still free.

How to save the world - Part I - Us

2008-02-11T06:10:00.000+08:00

We all wish we could one day save the world. Well, at least some of us do. But truly, most of us, rather live in our very own resigned state. Perhaps, it was ingrained into our minds from our early childhood, if any, that the world's problem is well, up to the rest of the world to resolve. But are we not of this same world? But of course, we are. We're just separated by our own idealistic and somewhat realistic theologies, that we just proclaim to be true. If there is even an inch of truth in our claims. Truth is, we all have our own versions of the Truth that we think of as the Truth. We all believe we know what is best for everyone else around us, from this preconceived and preconditioned version of the Truth. Somehow we seem to know what is best for someone else, as compared to knowing what is best for ourselves. Maybe it has not dawned upon us that we are merely stroking our own ego, or as some people would like to spell it, Ego. Our Ego feels an adrenaline rush, when we spew out 'words of wisdom' to others and they shine in its glory. Naturally, we feel good making others feel good. Or so, we think. For the rest of us, we rather listen to others and see what they deem fit for us. For what can we possibly know about something that we have no idea how to resolve, other than to seek someone who has gone through that experience or has the necessary skills to do so? Do we really not know? Are we that ignorant or have we been conditioned that way to listen to someone else 'better' to solve our own problems for us? For quite often, we are hesitant to listen cause deep down inside, something tells us that we can do this on our own. But their version of the Truth somehow seems to rail its way into our hearts and minds, rather reluctantly but forcefully without our conscious awareness. And we fall prey to this altered version of the Truth and we proceed to dig deeper into our own graves. And this, this is the start of a growth. A cancerous tumor. It starts from within, then it eats you from the inside and slowly finds its way out of you and leeches itself onto others. But the arising pandemic already has a cure. A single, most potent and most powerful cure that will not just save the world but it will also save you. We are here to save us from ourselves. Do we really not know?

Monkey Dance Melon Mamas

2007-06-19T21:56:00.000+08:00

Catastrophic. Just what I've always wanted to avoid. It happened. She cried. After having gone for a short time, she has to do this. To cajole me into doing what I will never do partake in. It's the emotional aspect of these things that surround my every echo. Am I deserving of this? Or maybe I should ask, do I deserve this? Perhaps, I deserve this. The dead loyalty speaks for itself now. Regain the respect or lose every aspect. Fucking balls. I know where I stand now. It was never about the fire or utmost desire. It is about not ignoring ignorance. Rest on my lap and let me die. For I have chosen the path that you will never tread. I am forgiven.

Solitude

2007-02-04T23:17:00.000+08:00

It has been creeping up inside of me for far too long. Maybe I've just pretended it was never there or maybe never gave it a second thought. But after having a chat with a friend of mine, things started to flood my thoughts. It's the constant feeling of being lonely within the four walls on your own home. Or rather, house in my case. Perhaps I was too caught up with seeking family love elsewhere. But I did attain lots of it. Too much for my own liking. Too much that it has made me reflect on my own home. The little things like having a meal together, family talk, hugging and arguing over asinine things are as good as dead. It was hardly, well, never there in the first place. My nephew is a blessing, no doubt. He brings about the love from everyone but directed to him. What about the rest of us? Has what I've done and not been doing made them nonchalant towards me? Or is it the deranged thoughts in me that is seeing things as such?

I've been told to initiate the actions. Yeah. Perform my role as a son. The thing is, this isn't a performance. I don't want to indulge in all those family related stuff if it doesn't sincerely come from the heart. I don't want to fake it. Why should I be the one to make the first move? Why not them? Contemplating on who is going to make the first move isn't going to do anything for me. Will I be ready to face their music and vice versa? Admittedly, I come from a rather, oh-so-they-believe, pious family. Is it my actions and failure to commit myself to a religion that I have no faith in that is causing the problem? I hail from a religion which believes religion is far above everything else and the rest is all secondary. I guess I'll be able to accept the hard hitting fact that if they say they're acting this way towards me for not following their religious views. But the aftermath is utter disappointment on my end. Why must religion be above everything else? Where is the humanity in us all? I know I can't change their beliefs that they're the only ones going to heaven in the end but have they been so brainwashed that they forget the essential needs of any human? Love. Am I supposed to live with their rigid beliefs and accommodate to their sickly ways?

I'm not different from anyone out there. I just do what every other person does. Question stupidity. Faith is one thing. Stupidity is another. Why are people so caught with blind faith that they fail to see that stupidity in them? The elders, we can't blame. They've been brainwashed and brought up in such an way that they refuse to change. Even if they do, they still will have difficulties to digest certain things we youngsters will say. Why brand us as modern and open-minded just because they're old-fashioned and narrow-minded? We're not futurists to be declared modern. We're just contemporary. I'm using the words in their aspect. It's upsetting to see such families where I come from that they will look at you suspiciously if you sit too close to your own cousin sisters. For fuck's sake, I'm their blood brother. I'm not going to fucking molest or impregnate their daughters. Can't a brother be close to his own sisters? Is a hug going to arouse us and make us wet and want to fuck one another? We know where we stand and how we see each other as. No need to try and separate us because your stupid fucking religion says so. When will these people first learn to be human?

I have far too much anger in me to write everything out. This is nothing. I will write out every possible stupidity that I've seen in this religion, some day. Wait for that day or keep bugging me to write more, if interested. And I just might do so. Peace.

Shit. I forgot the title of this entry.

2007-01-31T22:19:00.000+08:00

So I decided that I'd pity myself and blabber something along the way before I start my disappearing act again. I'm doing this just so to appease my senses. But when I dwell into these things, it makes me ponder who I really am? Who am I? Rather, what am I? Am I a collection of other people's thoughts, emotions and feelings? Or am I just the result of being their punching bag? I do not remember speaking in my real voice. Everything that I utter is somehow influenced or manipulated by someone. Anyone. How does one go into the whole soul searching of oneself to discover who one really is when everything he or she has ever heard, seen, touched, smelt, felt or fucked is the result of another's dump? What is it that is original? What defines originality? What defines reality? Am I just a product of misery? Am I just here to listen to everyone wallow in their own self pity? Not that I'm concerned about it. I'm too bored to do anything else. So I just start hearing. Then I get engrossed and start to listen. Then I start to feel what they feel. Then it becomes worthy of every penny. Trust develops. Well at least for them. I wish I could just be a bitch to everyone and tell them to fuck off and quit whining about their self thought pathetic lives. I can't quite do that, as yet. Perhaps, I may have influenced their choices too. Perhaps, they want to blame me for their shortcomings. Perhaps, this is just a test. Yes, like what good old God likes. Tests. Everything is a test. Everything I do, be it good or bad is a test. So if I pass these tests, I become honoured and remembered. And if I fuck things up wholesale, I get remembered too. So I'll take the simpler and more approachable way. But I can't go on fucking everyone up. There are people I care about. People I love. People I love more than they will ever know. Okay, some of them do know. I do tell them. No, I'm not obsessed with their titties or ass. It's more than just love. An inexplicable bond. If I were to explain, I'd need to setup an entire blog site. Fuck no, I'm not kidding. It's that complicated yet it's the simplest and smallest thing that everyone tends to overlook. A bond so strong it differs from every other relationship there is. Unique. You would know what I'm referring to if you felt the 'Fuck! I know what he is referring to!' feeling. If you didn't do try to read from the beginning and try to decipher what has been said. Random things come to random people at random times. Hah. What the fuck just happened, I don't know. But one thing is for sure. I know exactly what I'm getting at here. Oh. And one more thing. I think I'm done.

Choices

2006-11-28T22:33:00.001+08:00

Suppose you were given a choice to tread two paths. One, a life of controlled happiness where everything your parents want you to do has to accomplished by you failing which you're quick to be disowned. And the other where happiness is measured by events that occur in your life periodically but most uncertainly. Such happiness is of utmost importance to you. Which would you choose? Have we really been given a choice to decide what we want to do when we reach a certain age in our lives or has everything been predetermined?

By predetermined, I mean our parents deciding things for us to benefit their happiness. Of course, as parents they would reduce you to a nanoscale and have supreme rights over you. Not forgetting that they would jump at every opportunity to stop you from growing up and always endearingly address you as their loved ones. They blatantly will lie that they love you and care for you and want the best for you. But sure they do. No, I mean really they do. But most often they're concerned of what someone else would have to comment about you as it will affect their honor. We know parents these days are not like that except that we say that to merely convince ourselves. Parents try too hard to adapt to modernization. Everything they see that which is not within their control and advancement to them is being modern. So to curb such extra-terrestrial activities from affecting us, they mould us from ground up to ensure that we grow up according to their world. How they perceive the world to be and how everything that is evil in their eyes is automatically accepted as evil elsewhere. This is all in their benefit as I've mentioned earlier but they will deceive you with their love and say it is for your own good. Not having a choice in what you want to do is somehow good for you in their eyes. Catch is, if you realize their evil, okay noble intentions, the path that you're going to travel is going to be a bumpy one. Be prepared to be admonished for everything that doesn't concern you. Slight variations in your examination results affect their blood pressure. Cool friends are always the parent's enemy. The homely, I-will-not-masturbate kind of friends is what they would want you to have. Even your friends have to be screened before you're given full administrative rights. If all goes well and you score well with the girl in glass, exams I mean, they will love you and brag to others about how their child is God's blessing to them. One little fuck up and out comes the belt or sometimes the ever popular rattan stick. Kinky as it may seem, it's not something that you'd want to end up getting whipped with. Nothing creamy there. To add to that, if you start to fuck up, they will curse you first, and then say that you've been cursed. What's up with that anyway? They would be the embarrassment in the family and their high or low flying society. They will have nothing to say when the extravagant ones meet up for high tea. They will become ultimately humiliated. All thanks to you. Unless they somehow, by grace, realize that you're after all something called a human and can't do superhuman feats all the time. But before such realizations hit them, it is their ego that speaks to them first. In colour mind you. When everything goes down the drain, they finally disown you. Okay maybe I'm being a little extreme here but it has happened before. Not to me but many I know. And no this is not a solemn tribute to them. One should feel sympathy for a child with parents like that. It's like having all the 'luxuries' in the world and yet everything is precisely calculated. After a certain age, sleep time shouldn't exist but in certain families, practices are regimental than we can believe. No wonder the boys from these families seem to have a love for the army in more ways than one. When the time comes and you finally make it and marry someone that looks like a half baked fuck face to them, they scorn with you words your mum has never heard before. First they blame you and then they blame your spouse for the misery that you have put them through. What the fuck did we do to deserve such treatment? Nothing. Just being born in such a household. Fun at times when times are good. It is no surprise that children from such families turn to the dark side. Can't blame them. They seek solace in 'new discoveries' that they have been sheltered from for so long. That is why everything would seem so new to them. To them, this is what they've been longing for. The freedom to do what they wish. Once they have 'matured' in such a fashion, they do things to spite their parents, knowing well the effect it will have on them. Pressure rises, casualties occur and the jailbird sings. The perfect ending couldn't have been well put. But that all could be avoided. Writing on such a grand canyon of a topic will leave me here for a lifetime but I have to move on to other scenario.

So your parents are most of the modern type, well according to their definition of course. So they care about your well being and do whatever is in their power to help you attain that goal of yours even if it's against their wishes. They tend to see that what you want in life is important to you. Blessed you must be if such parents bore you. But is such freedom really beneficial to you? How much do you know about what is out there for you to make a well informed decision? This is regardless of which age group you fall in. You may seek parental advice but they will refrain from giving you advice knowing well that you don't do too well with them. They often wait for you to fall and then give you their piece of mind. Accepting what they have to say all depends on the specific scenario that you're facing. You do realize that their experience will help you but your ambitious or rather pompous nature will stop you from learning. You are determined to learn things the hard way and they don't go according to plan; you crumble and stumble upon every imaginable dead end. Still the good times exist as and when you make them to be. Misery may strike you at any time because you haven't reached the capability to overcome them. And when it does happen, you try not to appear weak in front of your parents. But if they're the intelligent sort, they'd realize but still they would leave you be. The vast difference in the concept between the modern you and your old parents may sometimes overwhelm you. Differences in opinions may result in conflicts and you worry more about yourself because you're aware that they're not going to be around for long and what they expect from you doesn't matter. You know that by doing things to momentarily appease them in their golden years isn't going to help you in the long run. Sometimes your comprehending parents wish you were the child they dreamt of but you have other matters to think of. It may seem pretty unfair that you may chuck them aside and be more concerned about your own goals. Educated beyond your ability, salary beyond your expectation and a spouse everyone would die to get hooked up with. Your life may seem fruitful to you and if it's appealing to you, your parents are prepared to understand. But what happens when you start to fuck up knowing well you have all the freedom that they have given you? What if you flirt with the dark side often and end up causing shame to them? Some situations can be avoided. Specific ones, which I need not mention cannot escape. If shit happens, you're answerable for it. As long you don't fuck up anything that causes them grief in this time, it should be okay, right?

The interesting thing about this topic is that the experience with the former is pretty fixed because the parents have been accustomed to their lifestyle and refuse to grow out of it. They have been told to live their lives in such a manner. They were also told to raise their children in order. The difference between this and the latter is that flexibility is there. If the parents understand where you're coming from and you don't do something that drastic, they would rejoice that they had a child like you. Else, they'd disown you like those damn motherfuckers out there. Choosing the second option may seem like the better choice in every imaginable scenario but it is the people who matter in the end as they make or break the choice. It is the feeble human mind that needs to adapt to the surrounding and not vice versa. It is the feeble human mind that has to learn that whatever choice that is made, it is beneficial to both parties. Don't forget to be selfish of course but let others gain as well. Stop the autocracy. This may lead to a better but never a perfect life for both parents and the child. However do not expect things to be colorful all the time. For what is life if it is mundane and routine?

Say What?

2006-11-19T22:30:00.000+08:00

Hello. Perhaps one of the most common greeting when you meet someone new or someone you know. Even when you acknowledge them. But the thought that has occupied my mind of late is that, why the necessity to greet someone? Have we been cultured to do so or are we just doing so that the other party won't count us in as being obnoxious? No matter the definition or rationale, it is rather inevitable that greeting someone has become commonplace. So much that when one fails to do so, one is looked at differently. However, we do at times put ourselves in predicaments where greeting someone upon first contact becomes far from mandatory. On first touch, the point is put across. Very often, in such situations, both parties are aware of the matter at hand. Unless, of course, if one of them chooses to ignore the question, then this scenario becomes null. That aside, let us assume that both parties have communicated willingly without having the need to greet one another. Let's call it mutual understanding for argument's sake. Not that we are going to argue about it but you get the drift. So when the conversation has ended, the need for the parting greet arises.

That begs the question, why the utmost necessity to say a parting greet to someone when they're leaving but it is optional to greet someone upon first contact? Are you able to properly end a conversation without having the need to bid farewell to the person? Are you able to leave without saying anything and performing any form of gesture? Seems pretty impossible when you put yourself in such a situation. One may claim that such a feat can be done but when you're the person involved, are you able to do so? Would you take the risk of being called snobbish? What is true is that people are going to end up being alarmed at your actions. This is one social behaviour which has been recognized everywhere that failure to comply with these rules and regulations makes you a hardened criminal.

When the time comes and you meet anyone you know, just walk up to them and get straight to the point. Wait for the lengthy pause that will occur to signify the end of another (fruitful) conversation. Then just walk away without saying anything to them. Let someone else be there with you observing every reaction that is released from the one you're making contact with. Let your friend tell you, if possible take snapshots, of how alarmed and lost they may look when you just leave the place. Sure you may have a chuckle or two but in the long run, you're going to have a lot of people question your new found self. Lectures and advice will also be sailing your way, though far from being smooth. You may even upset and hurt quite a few people but you're not supposed to feel for them. Rather, question their need to maintain such a cultured society. Tell them some kind of bullshit that you're breaking away from traditional beliefs. Tell them that you've attained nirvana in a way that only you and your kind can understand them. In short, they will end up being irritated. Good news for you, isn't it? Well, you should be rejoicing when others feel miserable. Okay maybe I'm taking this a little too far.

So the next time someone like me is going to walk up to you to say something, be wary. Prepare yourself for extreme shock. Don't end up being the last to laugh. But when you've been there and you know how it feels like, you could do yourself a favour and return the kindness to someone else. Show them how much you love them by being as conceited and obnoxious as possible. They would love you, for sure. If they don't, think of it as their loss. Everyone wants someone else to be different. So make that change today. In time to come, you will realize that 'hi-bye' friends will no longer exist. The world will be a safer place. Trust me. I only speak the truth but I seldom express it in words.

Grandma's Blueberry Pie

2006-11-17T18:54:00.000+08:00

You have committed that act, yet again. You do it with such religious fervour. It was as if paper cuts were exhilarating to you. You have chosen this path and promised yourself not to look back. Your conscience begs for your fullest attention. But all you do is allow yourself to be penetrated deeper and harder. It was as if he was smitten by your gargantuan breasts. Spellbound and asinine, he knew not where he was headed. Maybe he knows. You would want him to know. You lured him to you with your empathy. You loved everything about me then and now you despise everything about me. Yet you had the heart to allow yourself to make the same mistake. You do not think of me. Perhaps you do. Perhaps thoughts of hatred surround your lower body. Disgusted you may be in having me in you again. I deserved it but I no longer deserve it. I am only human. You have always sought after the imperfect perfection or was it perfect imperfection? It doesn't matter anymore. You have travelled the choppy roads before. Do you deny what you have become? Do you seek to hide that in the end sex was all you wanted? You live a life of denial and lies and yet you fault me for being a bastard. You expected the perfect imperfection. What you ended up with then was no more than a fulfilment you thought you had found. You concluded that was the end. That your miserable life had some meaning to it. Where were those words which you held onto so dearly? Do they not prick you anymore? I reckon it doesn't. You have found for yourself a new prick. Orgasms aplenty? Better be if not he isn't the best choice. You should seek the bigger, harder and stronger one amongst us. I wasn't your Sex God. Never was. Scrawny and puny I am. You've always had better. Thanks for stroking my ego then. The ride was fun but the obstacles were overwhelming. You claim to have forgiven me but truthfully you have not. You are one who lies to yourself to appease yourself. Do not speak to me about truthfulness. Didn't you stereotype men like how you always have? Have you found the perfect man? Jesus would be happy if you had found him but you completely missed because he doesn't exist. Just what on earth were you thinking that you even allowed him to touch you so soon? Mishaps occur. Does that really justify another man being in you in such short span? Do you feel the itch and miss being pitched? Finally ended up getting hitched not realizing you will be ditched even before the real orgasms start. But that you will never see. It is your hatred for me that has brought you to such a volatile state. I gladly accept the blame. Do you enjoy many manly parts on you and in you? Are you finding one who fits perfectly into your black hole? The perfect man doesn't exist. Stop looking for one and quit thinking you have found him. You have only found someone who succumbs himself to your utmost brilliance. He is enjoying every tissue in your body more than you will ever imagine. Who doesn't mind a free fuck in the name of a relationship? I did. You did. You always used that to want me back yet you vehemently deny that it wasn't about sex. Well, there you go. Face the consequences now. It is you who put up the act of suffering in that period and now you're oozing with ecstasy? When will you learn to think for yourself and stop being so naive? You claim I'm irresponsible and immature when it is you who fits those qualities. Failure to co-operate in your wants and needs doesn't qualify me as a prick. So fuck you. I wish I could but I wouldn't. You think you're enjoying life now? You have yet to see what is going to come to you. History has this habit of repeating itself. I will then see what you and him will do. What you will do to him. What he will do to you. It will almost be fun. Sadistic as I am, if you turn around and want me, I will fuck you and leave you again. I have done it before. I fear not repeating myself once more. Re-enactments are always welcome. Just spread the words and I will spread your legs. Fucking sex hungry bitch. Quit your decent one man woman love affair. If you're a one man woman, you'd stick to one cock and not many. They're all waiting out there somewhere for that opportunity to fuck you. You've wanted to fuck them too. That's why they love to fuck you because you're a fucking horny bitch. Yes, you're fuckable. Tits and ass. A cock hungry blowjob queen. Kudos to you. Fuck you bitch. Fuck you. Fuck.

I'm kidding. I still love you. Bitch.

Life Signs

2006-10-26T18:05:00.000+08:00

Expose yourself to others and let them know who you really are. That is what many of us fail to heed. We put on many facades in our lives, far too many times. We often have our personal reasons or vendettas but sometimes it may result in us doing so just to spite someone. But we still go ahead and do it. Do we not care? Looking at one perspective, we don't. Very often, if not always, we only care about ourselves. Who will come forth and deny this factual statement? We do things purely for our own benefit. The altruist doesn't exist. Well, it wouldn't be too far fetched to say, never existed. If they do, they're lying. Yet, we often try to prove to others that we're being selfless. Unfortunately, a lot of them believe you. They trust your genuine nature. A minor percentile of those you know will see through you. But it is we who make ourselves out to be who we want to be. How is that in any way natural? Each path will result in us being different. No matter what the directive or objective, we're still selfish. But doing so isn't a sin. Everyone does it and why must it become something carnal? The one who mocks your selfish nature is being selfish too. He or she wants to prove to you that he or she is being the greater person since they're unlike you. But it is you who is unlike them.

As much you try, you're being yourself. Isn't that what everyone is raving out and about? For someone to accept who you really are, isn't it about accepting all their flaws? Isn't that what all of you want? Well, you have to learn to grow with it. But being selfish isn't a flaw. As a matter of fact, it's human nature. Feel free to disagree. Only you know what you're really hiding. So what use is being selfless? Just to make yourself and the other party feel good for that period of time? Perhaps, it does have some benefit for others. You're at the losing end. Try being selfless for a long time to come and see what happens to you. You start to feel less appreciated and more wanted. Wanted in the sense, where people love to take advantage of your sensitive nature. Try that with being selfish. You stand to gain. Never mind that the other party is feeling the pinch. They too will slowly come to their senses without realizing it. They too will become selfish. Then they will point their fingers at you to fault you. Have you become the sole reason for their change? You may choose to gladly accept it. It is, in fact, what you wanted them to become. But aren't they really being themselves now as compared to putting on a false front all this while? They will choose to blame you for their transformation as long you're around. Perhaps, even after you leave. They will always reflect that they've become an animal like you but they will never comprehend that it is they who have been lying to themselves.

The selfish person prays to imaginary gods but sleeps with real devils. They roam around earth to make love and yet kill the ones who doesn't see eye to eye with them. They preach about peace yet they wage war. They're civilized yet they behave in barbaric fashion. They're friends with you yet they backstab you. Parables aplenty. We are such people. We may despise such things but we do them all the time. So let us cease finding fault with others. Are we not imperfect? Why do we constantly criticize others when we're not and can never be perfect? Perhaps we should learn to accept that, whatever happens around us is for a reason even if we're not capable of understanding it. I was once told, 'war destroys, war creates'. Makes a whole lot of sense to me. Sometimes we have the need to destroy something useless or outdated and make something new or improvise. That is how we have progressed. That is how it will be. If everyone was to fake selflessness, we wouldn't have moved forward in life. Everyone would be content with what they had. No one will branch forward. Civilization would have crumbled. Wars would never have happened and that would have caused a mess. Yes, a bigger mess would have happened if not for war. History may have been different but fuck that. No use arguing that it may have been different if people chose a different path. It has already happened. Quit bitching. Never mind that many lost their lives in the struggle. It's over. Don't fake your mourning for them. They probably weren't interested to fight anyway. All that manipulation to fight doesn't make you a real hero or martyr. Those that compel you to fight, want you to die for your country. Your country wasn't even yours to begin with. So who are you taking ownership and partnership with? Did your country from the ground up, come forth and told you to fight for freedom or freedom? It is men. Ruthless, selfish men who want the riches of this world. Nothing wrong in wanting and attaining such massive wealth. You always question the means of collating such wealth but is it not what you would've wanted? Would you have said no to such magnitude? Perhaps, you might deny in the current day but when you realize that selfishness is mandatory to survival, you would have gladly nodded your head. Fear not, I'm with you. I would have said yes sir myself. We're only going to live once, so we think. Might as well live an extravagant, luxurious life.

Selfishness may have divided the world but selflessness will never rectify that damage. It will always be low in numbers. Best if it stays that way. Unless you have a shit load of money to waste and you're living a uneventful life and want to start a charitable organization, selflessness is not for you. For fuck's sake, you gain nothing. Peace of mind? Fuck no. Having miserable people suffocating you endlessly with their mundane, heartbreaking life stories are not going to give you inner peace. Sitting there, listening to their pathetic tales isn't going to give you a spiritual uplift. No, the gods won't favour you for that. Admittedly, you may become renowned and famous. Were you expecting something else? You knew you were going to get the recognition anyway. Come one, quit denying it. You may try and refuse but the critics will call you names. Will that not bring you out of your seat and into the outside? All that attention and fame will get to you. You will primarily live to maintain your name. Any fuck up you do and that will end your road to spiritual enhancement. Go ahead and proclaim that you're not selfish at all here. Do try. Deep down inside, you know that you're somewhat selfish. Be it in the smallest of quantities but it is true. Nothing you can do about it. Everyone is selfish. Once you've learnt to accept that divine truth, perhaps you will know what to do. Where to go from here and how to accomplish what you've wanted. As with all things, everything needs a balance. Rather than denying your selfish self, accept it with open arms but avoid drowning into the pool of selfishness. If that happens, it may have disastrous consequences but you already knew that the moment you indulged in self-realization. Nothing you can't handle, really.

So, start today. Live a new found selfish life. At least, finish what you need to do for yourself. Never mind if it is at the expense of others. I'm sure they wouldn't mind when they have realized it too. That is how the others would have you do it. That is how others have done it. That is how others will do it. That is how others must do it. Stop denying knowledge when it has come to you. Do not be left behind. Do not be fooled. Dare to be different. Dare to break away from traditionalist behaviours and patterns. Mould yourself to accept any form of criticism. Everyone you know will be happy you've realized the real you. They will stop advising you that you're being too nice and selfless to people. Do you not remember the close ones who mention that all the time? Give them some credit. They did know what they were talking about at that time. Perhaps, not to this extend but you should get the point. If the close ones mock you, you will retaliate valiantly. You will inform them that this is what they've wanted of you. You will inform them that this is the reality. Smile at their startled look. They will smile along later on, if not now. Remember, that you have nothing to fear in that aspect except yourself.

Beginning

2006-10-22T01:45:00.000+08:00

The end is near. Will you run? Will you hide? Will it get you? Will you get it? Will you get to it? Will it get to you? Questions. Questions. Questions. Answers. Answers. Answers. None. None. None. You panic. You run. It's dark. Cold. You shiver. You stop short of breath. You reach the gate. You struggle to open it. You tear yourself apart. Limbs galore. Ripped clothes. Sweat. Colder. You gasp for breath. You widen your eyes. Your belief is stronger now. You break open the gate. You break free. Freedom at last. Freedom. You rejoice. It rains. You're drenched. Your clothes reveal you. The real you. The free you. You race to the end. The end that you seek. The end beyond freedom. But they have come. They got there before you. You freeze in fear. They eye your every part. You feel the chill. You were fooled. This isn't the end. Your freedom is over. They will get you. They feel you. You feel them. They give chase. You can't move. They get nearer. Nearer. They pounce. You fall. You know they will finish you. This is the end. Your end. But they don't. They pick you up. Shelter you with an umbrella. They embrace you. You feel disgust. They soothe you. You slowly feel comfort. Warmth. The same warmth you have been longing for. It's real now. Everything is real. Everything they said was true. You close your eyes and dream. You feel them lift you over their heads. They sing your praises. They gently sit you on their shoulders. They fling the umbrella. You feel the rain. You embrace it. Warm. The rain is warm. They sense your delight. They guide you to the end. Suddenly it stops. The rain. Everyone starts to ponder. Why? Why now? Why must the time come now? The sun is out. Cold. You feel cold once again. You shiver again. They drop you and run. You scream for them. They do not hear you. They cannot hear you. They will not come to save you. They disappear in the light. You feel tightness in your chest. You collapse. Hours past. You feel warmth. The same warmth again. You slowly open your eyes. Angels you think. You are wrong. Light. Bright. Warm. Not cold. You smile at yourself. You look out to the horizon. You tear. You are safe again. The blanket comforts you. The naked you. The real you. You throw the blanket aside. You are naked. You are real. You are you. You see a dimmed door. You enjoy your new found nakedness. The reality. You walk to the door and open it. They are there. Everyone. Everyone you know. Everyone you love. Everyone who loves you. They are all naked. They are all real. They are all themselves. You touch all their breasts. Warmth. The same warmth. You jump up and down in ecstasy. They kiss you. They fondle you. They arouse you. You kiss them. You fondle them. You arouse them. They sleep with you. You sleep with them. Sweat. Warmth. You close your eyes. You sleep. You wake up suddenly. It's a dream. You remember it's a dream. You feel them still embracing you. You embrace you. They walk you to the end. They kiss you. They fondle you. They arouse. You kiss them. You fondle them. You arouse them. They sleep with you. You sleep with them. Sweat. Warmth. You smile. You close your eyes. They lay beside you. You are the world. You are the universe. You rule everything. You laugh at them. The critics. The fighters. The fuckers. The killers. You have won. You have done it. You have conquered your fear. You wake up. They wake up. It's dark again. You have been fooled again. Will you not learn? Will you not succumb to your physical desires? Will you let the devil rule you? Will you? Will you? Learn. Fight. Struggle. Oppress. Kill. Annihilate. Eradicate. Die. All of you. They have come. They have come to get you. They will find you. Kill you. Eat you. Destroy you. You will lose. You are alone. Naked. Real. You. Run. Run away. Run away from everything. No. You fight. Run. You fight harder. Run. You push your luck. Run. You almost give up. Run. No. Run. No. Run. You fight it harder. Stay. Yes. Succeed them. They have found you. They race towards you. You race towards them. Kill. Kill. Kill. Die. Die. Die. It's over. They are dead. It's done. You have finished what you have started. It's time to go. You move before they come again. You know they will find you. Evil finds evil. You will forever be in this game. You run away. Run. Yes. Run. Yes. Run. Yes. You speed up. You get exhausted. You slow down. Catch your breath. Slowly. Take your time. Calm down. Nowhere to go. Dead end. Have you been fooled yet again? Will this not end? Why am I being tortured? Finish it for once. No. This will go on. Everyday. Nothing you do will stop this. If you're displeased, go away. If you find it pleasing stay. But you have tried going away. This always happens. Each time a different loop. Where to from here? You turn back. They are not there. But they will come. They have smelt you. You race back to where you came from. You turn left. Go straight. No. Turn right. You go straight. You turn left. Right. Straight. Left. Right. You stop. You are not lost. You arrive at where you first started. You can't remember how you got there. You keep running in different directions. Everywhere is the same. You are in a maze. A never ending maze. Every thing around you is identical. Everything is symmetrical. You see no pattern. You cannot find a pattern. For everything around you is random. Random but perfect. Perfection has no end. You scream in fear. You are alone. They will come to get you. They are coming. They are near. They smell you. See you. They will get you. They get you. It's over. You end is here. The end is near. No. For this is the beginning.

Left Stranded

2006-10-20T20:44:00.000+08:00

A sad, sad state. That is the state she has put him in. He will remember all that he has done. He tries, till today, to comprehend why he is being loathed, so much. Perhaps he knows. Perhaps he is running away from himself. Perhaps he will discover himself one day. What can he do? What will he do? What must he do? Endless questions run in his mind. Infinite answers all await to burst out from his bubble. But he withdrew himself from thinking too much. Yet his thoughts are filled. Filled with evil. He grabs a pen and pens down his perplexed thoughts. All he sees on that piece of paper are scratch and sketch marks. He grimaces at himself. He feels like picking up the phone to sass the other party. He dials. He scribbles something on the paper again. Somewhat a pastel is formed. Engaged tone after a continuous ring. The call is probably avoided. He presses the redial button. Pause. Engaged tone, again.

He slams the receiver down in frustration. He mumbles something to himself. Something even he couldn't fathom. He smirks at himself. The message ring tone on his mobile goes off. From the same number he has been trying to dial. Trembling, he views the message in anxiety. The information he had received moments ago, was true. It was what he had already expected. The message was from a third party. Probably a relative or relation. A drop of tear rolled down his cheek and remained there, waiting for its owner to make the slightest movement. The free fall was stopped short by the bright contrast from the phone's LCD. Wiping it away and his eyes, he threw the mobile onto his bed and picks up the receiver from his home phone and makes a very important call. The most important call he may ever make in his life, for now.

After a short, crisp conversation, he packs his everyday stuff and walks out the door in a flash. As he locks the door and prepares to look up to see where he is going, he sees someone. Before he could open his mouth to speak, he knew no words were there. He drops the keys. That someone picks it up even before he could move an inch. Struggling to show a sign of good gesture, he reaches out his hand. She grabs him by the arm and urges him to make haste. They hail a cab and and zoom off to where they're headed. They have less than an hour before everything ends. The only words spoken during the entire journey was informing the cab driver the location. They sit apart, distancing themselves, as usual.

They rush out of the cab, nearly forgetting to make payment. Before he could even pull out his more than feminine purse, she snatches the change from the cab driver's wrinkled hands. They slow down their pace as they enter the residence. The magnitude of the place overwhelms them. Her soft hand holding his own somehow leaves him in a very comfortable zone. But he confabulates with her, for the first time, that they're here for an entirely different reason. She nods and acknowledges him. They arrive at the door in sheer consternation. She slaps his hand as he tries to turn the knob. She grabs her hanky and slowly turns the knob. The door remained unlocked as he had expected more people to turn up. The door creaked sending the signal that new entry has been made into the room. Heads turn in angst and indignation. He looks at his watch. Seven minutes to five. He had been thinking all this while that he had made it. He was puzzled as to why he was stared at. Then it hit him.

He had ended up in the wrong abode. His lack of familiarity with his surroundings has lead him to her place. He fucked himself for thinking that she was coming with him to where he was going. He was so enthralled by her features and the alluring eau de parfum that he had failed to listen to the location that she had told the cab driver. She had wanted him for herself. To do something for her. Something that she knows only he is capable of. But it was the wrong time. Was she not aware of what had happened? Was she uninformed or was it his gullible nature? He plucked up the courage to open his mouth to speak but he couldn't utter a word. She sensed his nervousness. She beckoned him to speak for the very first time. Will he leave this jaw-dropping beauty knowing he will get something in return for what he is to do for her or disappoint his ego and leave to where he was actually supposed to head to?

He gaped at his watch. He had always liked this watch. Three minutes to five. Even the God he believes in couldn't possibly create a miracle now to get him where he was supposed to be. He took a deep breath and explained to her the predicament as quickly as he could. She comprehended him, as usual. He was pleased by her response. But what she was going to say next would leave him breathless. She denied him to leave even though she had the means to fly him off by helicopter to reach his location in five minutes. Two minutes delay would make a lot of difference, he had thought earlier. But now, she declined his proposition to get going. He had no alternative. He will never make it there, ever.

Everyone there pondered about his absence, or in their newly formed opinion, ignorance. They had noticed him being indifferent towards them of late. But they had forgiven him for they were about to rejoice. Rumors start to spread across the hall. Him not being there has led them to make a mockery out of him. Two minutes to five. The hour approaches. Their excitement is beyond their acting leader's control. They create a rumpus. Tantrums are thrown everywhere. Their acting leader bellows to his fellow men and women, all of whom are in their undergarments now. One minute to five. One more minute before everyone gets naked and wild. One more minute before the sacrificial ritual starts. Fifty-nine seconds and counting.

She was securely tied down by ropes which have already started to cut beyond the blisters. Stripped naked and positioned as if she is into bondage, she was gagged. Countless hands grabbed every part of her body that they could get their hands on. Molested and violated, she knew this was the end of her life. She knows how the ritual starts and ends. All the males will violently hump into her. It was and never could be constituted as rape because everyone who took an oath to join this elite group knew what was in store for them. They enjoyed sex more than many of their counterparts. The females will fuck her before the males proceed. Once everyone including the acting leader and the leader are done inserting their semen into her, they butcher her into bits, starting from the toes, while she watches. No one in this elite group has ever cried in pain. Everyone, even the adolescent, truly enjoyed and believed this was their moment of reaching God. Their God.

Five seconds remain. Four. Three. Two. One. Her time is up. She tries to put on a happy facade but they see through her evil intentions. Failure to show happiness in this cause is their Devil. They give her one last chance and pour the holy water all over her. They see that she is truly happy now. Everyone is already naked by that instance. The stage is set for the biggest orgy. Moans fill the room of the building, miles away from the nearest expressway. No one would hear and know a single thing. The first female steps forward, delighted beyond words. She rubs herself in oil and proceeds to rub herself all over the special one, sucking, kissing and licking as she pleases. She steps back and slowly goes down on her. The crowd cheers on. The sight is breathtaking beyond words.

He looked at his watch again. He knew the time is up. Her time. He has failed to get there. How could he not be there? For he was their leader. The one who started this elite group. He was their Bob Marley of sorts. But this time, he wasn't suppose to go there to finish fucking the special one. He had other intentions. He had come clean. He wanted to put an end to this. He could force himself to endure another female on this female but not another male. For the one who was being fucked by another female, right at that moment, was none other than his wife.

To be continued anytime if anyone at all shows interest in this story.

Spaces In Between

2006-10-12T22:16:00.000+08:00

The tiny eyes. The innocent lips. That alluring face. That look. A cold, hard stare. Something that you'd want to walk away from. You walk away in apprehension. But the feel of the stare is still within you as you scurry away. You turn around after a distance and those eyes aren't there anymore. You scour the area desperately to seek, again, what you came for. But it is no longer there. No longer within your sight. You start to feel anxious. Your eyes zoom in and out and widen its scope. You start to squint. You see a faint image. A familiar image. The image you have been seeing for so long. You hasten your pace to walk towards that image. Your vision gets clearer with every step. Your footsteps start getting wider apart. You see that which you have chosen to avoid. Every time you inch towards those eyes, you fear. Fear yourself. Fear what you will do to yourself. Fear what you will do to those eyes. Fear what will become of you when those eyes scrutinize you. But each and every time you pluck up the courage to stand your ground, you tremble. You start to feel as if you're about to piss all over yourself but your ego takes over and stops that from happening.

You pause for a second to catch your breath. You try and correct your vision. You embrace yourself, somehow, for what is to become of you and those eyes. Then you realize something. You've been spotted. You start to look around, all fidgety. No one is there. Not anymore. But, but, just a matter of seconds ago, you were swarmed with people. So where did everyone go? You slap the back of your head hoping this is a dream that you'd wake up from. Nothing happens. Those eyes move towards you. You blink in despondency. You rub your eyes. Your body is hampered. Your vision is cloudy. Your mind is shackled. Your close your eyes and hope it will all go away. You feel sweat all over your body. You feel those eyes looking straight at you from close proximity. So close, you can hear the breathing down your neck. You feel your lips brushed by another. It was the same feeling but something was foreign about it this time. You bother about it not and enjoy what you think is your lucky break.

Suddenly you feel nothing. Not being stared at. No one breathing down your neck. No lips brushing by. Silence. For five whole seconds. Then the noise is overwhelming. Traffic is heavier than usual. You're wet. From the heavy downpour that has been there all this while. You didn't feel it till now. You slowly open your eyes. You see a pair of eyes staring at you in amusement. You'd swear you've seen these eyes before. A smile appears on that face. You feel comforted that this person knows you but you fail to make sense of who that is. You look around, hoping to see those eyes. Nothing. The environment, ambiance, atmosphere and circumstance all seem completely different to you now. Irrelevant perhaps. You can hear the background noise but what these eyes tell you fall on deaf eyes. You try to clear your head. It works.

You and those eyes, both naked on the bed. Conjoined and making love. You smile to yourself. You start to feel the raindrops no more. You're home. Sheltered by love. By the familiar eyes. By the god sent umbrella. You're shoved aside to start walking. You look down onto the floor. Watching each drop of rain splattering on itself. You visualize the love making session in your head and start to feel warm. The warmth that these familiar eyes is showing on you. You fail to differentiate the reality from what is running on your mind. You know you've arrived at a room. Drenched. Despondent. Drugged. The umbrella is set aside. Buttons on your shirt come off, one at a time. Your jeans come off too. You're draped in a towel. Off comes your boxers. Your hair gets dried. You've been seated on the bed. Your body is getting dry. You start to visualize further. You feel the same warmth, down under. You chuckle. You moan. You fall asleep.

The hours have past. Your eyes open, slowly. You see the familiar eyes naked and getting dressed. Before you can wonder if you've just fucked your good friend, you wake up in a shock. You've been left stranded. In a cold, dark alley. Naked. No clothes, no money. Then you start to clear up. You feel the same warmth. You wake up. For real. It's a bright, sunny day. Those eyes that you've come looking for will never be seen anymore. That was the past that still haunts you every night. Every night before you hesitantly made love to these eyes. It became a routine. Something that you're still struggling to cope with. Just like every day, you're relieved that it is over, for now, for today.

You turn to other side of the bed. The familiar eyes smile at you again. You smile in return. You know you're home and safe with the one you love. You've left no spaces in between.

The Truth About Lies And Lies About Truth

2006-10-03T22:36:00.000+08:00

If someone poses a question to you and they ask for an honest opinion, have you been able to give your view without having the slightest of thoughts? Chances are you have not. Chances are you're never able to give an honest opinion immediately unless of course, you already know the question is coming your way. A lot of us have this tendency to think it over. So how honest is your honest opinion? Are we giving the other person something they want to hear or something you want to say to prove a point. Admit it folks, everyone gives their opinion on things to prove a point. Especially when they're ahead in that area of discussion. What point are they proving? The point that they know and you don't know. Their honest opinion might directly or indirectly change the way you think about the question or about that person. An honest opinion is one that comes unbiased, fresh and raw. Sort of like, in your face. Frank, straightforward or blunt. Call it any term you want. It's synonymous with honest or honesty. More often than not, I've given people honest opinions. What? It isn't as arduous as one would one think. They didn't ask me for an honest answer. It was merely an opinion. I have every avenue to lie to them if I want to hurt them or make them feel asinine about asking the question in the first place. Nonetheless, that doesn't make the opinion far from honest. Some people welcome something different for a change. Unless you're a wuss. Why is it so difficult for people to accept an honest opinion? It is just an opinion. Why are you letting it affect your life? Is this an excuse to put the blame on me for following my advice at that time when I was needed the most? So why even ask me for something honest when you know you're not going to like it? Is this an excuse to put the blame on me for not being tactful and flowery towards your feelings? If you ask me such a question, be prepared to accept what's coming your way. Else, ask some other self-professed nice guy who doesn't get laid. Somehow the people who never get laid seem to know so much about people who do get laid or get laid often.

That aside, when will typical girlfriends stop acting like they know so much about men and how they work? Just because you got raped, fucked like an object, fucked and dumped, didn't get fucked but got dumped or refused to give a blowjob or for any other sexual or non-sexual reason, does not allow you females to speak on behalf of the opposite gender. Especially, that which you have no knowledge about. See, men don't profess they understand women. A lot of intelligent, intellectual men pretend that they don't understand women but they do. Well almost. They're actually very observant. A quiet, decent chat with such men will reveal a lot about women, to women. To an extend where, women start to fascinate about such a man. But they don't want to fuck him. They need him. That man is every woman's best friend. The guy every girl wants a piece of. His brain, that is. The guy every girl would brag about to her girlfriends and will claim he is living proof that a man and a woman can and do have platonic relationships. So you go on arguing that all this is just bullshit and in a matter of time, that guy will eventually tell you that he is interested in you. What is wrong in that? He who does that is merely showing interest in the way you think. Not how big your tits and ass are. Then you go on arguing, with your self-conceited beliefs, that a man and a woman, actually all men and all women cannot have platonic relationships. You go on arguing about how you've been conned too many times. Conned in bed. Conned on bed. You go on arguing about how you got pregnant and got dumped by your boyfriend whom you loved so much and whom you thought also loved you as much. You know it's irrelevant to the topic but you just do it to get the usual female sympathy. Then you go on arguing about the words the bastard had said to you in bed and off bed. By now, you would've started to receive sympathy points. Then you go on arguing about how the guy you thought was the best friend actually offered to fuck you. You go on arguing when your friends told you that you oh so wanted to fuck him but you kept denying because you knew your pussy wouldn't endure that big a cock. You go on arguing that you being a woman will know where you stood, actually how you spread your legs, and that you already expected this fucking offer to come up. You go on arguing that as your best buddy, he was just kidding. You go on arguing that he really didn't want to fuck you but you knew in your conceited self that you thought that he thought you were so fucking hot. You go on arguing that if you had fucked him, you would have spoilt the friendship. You go on arguing that he will keep wanting the sex and that you'd feel guilty after having fucked your best friend. You go on arguing till your best friend shows up and you're completely unaware of it. You go on arguing until he tells your friends openly that he fucked you so hard last night and that you came five times. They love the slight laughter. You go on arguing that all men are bastards even though you got caught in the act. You stop, stopped arguing when he put his hand up your skirt just to make sure that you've kept up to your promise that you'd leave your thong behind at his place. You don't like it anymore? So fucking what? Well, fuck you bitch. Don't get all jumpy on me now. I'm still in line with the honesty concept.

My opinion. Honest opinion. But I can still lie. Where and when I'm lying is the whole point. What you take from this will not affect me but it might affect you. Will you be so quick as to judge my chauvinistic ideals or would you go further to find the real point in what I'm saying? Can you cross my thoughts and tell me if I'm right or wrong? If I do not see eye to eye on a subject of your interest, am I lying about what I say? Do I have to say something that you'd want to hear or that which would generally seem nice? If I say something unorthodox, I'm branded as a someone who tries to be different but is actually one who is like the rest. Do we say we're honest and that we don't judge people yet we're actually the ones who start doubting and judge our loved ones? Do we go on using our insecurities as reasons to blame and judge others? Where do we stand? What gave us the right to criticize others constantly and yet fail to live up to it when others do likewise to us? How would they have felt? Does it matter? Do we really need to bother what about people feel? What do we gain by being sensitive to some one's feelings? Aren't we doing everything just to prove a point that we're actually very nice deep down? Will they not see the us in us? Do we have to resort to theatrics just to get our views across? Are we not allowed to say what we wish? What we will? What we ascertain? Do we tell the truth without lying to ourselves? Do we tell the lies without being truthful to ourselves? Do we tell the truth without being truthful to ourselves? Do we tell the lies without lying to ourselves? Do we tell lies to conceal the truth or truth to conceal lies? Do we conceal the lies to throw out the truth or do we conceal the truth to showcase the lies? Haven't lies always seemed the easier thing to do? Haven't lies always helped you in times of need? Haven't lies saved lies? Truth only makes things difficult to understand because people can't understand it or enough of it. People enjoy lies and being lied to. It is the truth. They do not know that the truth they're being told are actually lies. They live a life of lies and lie all their lives. They do not know that they're lying. They're telling the truth. That is what they think. Everyone of us is just a pawn. We all lie. We all have lied. We still lie and we will keep on lying. Truth itself is a lie. Truth cannot withstand lies. Truth will always surface only when a lie exists. That makes lies very important in our lives. No lies, no room for truth. For when lies cease to exist, the truth itself becomes a lie. And it all starts over. In truth, everything I'm saying here is the truth. That is not a lie.

If you can see that, then you would've fully understood why you've been reading all this truth about lies and lies about truth.

Reality Unplugged

2006-09-23T20:06:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, we end up having senseless and pointless discussions. Just to kill time. Myself and someone important in my life. At times, it ends with the topic of sex. Most of the time, she shares her memories with her loved one and the predicament that she is in, at present. Actually, she does that every time I am with her. Every day, she has something new and different to say. Her thoughts are constantly filled with these memories. Every single moment there is, to be precise. Helps me to remember the times that she had spent with her loved one and it makes her happy. Well, not really. Happy but not happy. I will not dwell into the complexities but I somehow understand the actual emotion that she is going through. Or, at least, I try my level best to. I will never fully comprehend what she is going through and she isn't expecting me to, as well. But, I think, she knows that I do try. Perhaps, as someone who matters to her as well, she knows it's what I'm capable of.

You're reading this and wondering where I'm going with this. If you're not, you wouldn't have come this far. It has been brought out in the open that some have labelled her constant thoughts as somewhat a dreamland and that she is living a fake life and not in touch with reality. What are these people going on about? Dreamland? Fake life? Lost touch with reality? Do they have a clue as to what they're spewing out? Utter gibberish, if I may. Is reminiscence so wrong? As far as she is concerned, it is not a loss. A loss doesn't constitute a loss of rights to remember, reflect and refresh oneself. As a matter of fact, such things are not planned. The mind and heart trigger such thoughts. She has the choice of not wanting to think about it. Just like how I do things, most times. She has chosen the option of not forgetting and it is her prerogative. Keep your biased, asinine, discriminatory and utter insensitive comments away from her. Thank you very much. She is very much an adult. No need to advice her to move on with life. She knows that herself. She is very capable of making her own choices and decisions. You've not been in her shoes. I know I haven't but I give her the freedom and room to do what she wants. She knows I don't need to give her any special privileges because she didn't ask for any in the first place. So stop giving her the alien treatment. No amount of advice you give is going to change anything. So, please. For holy fucking jesus christ's sake, stop.

Ironic as it may seem, these people who talk of reality have no idea what reality is. Even I don't. Is everything that is transmitted to us via our six senses a call for reality? If we visualize something in our mind, so vividly, isn't that real as well? Don't we feel it too? It triggers similar, if not the same, senses as compared to what we have defined as reality. That is what she senses. So isn't that reality as well? It is. At least to me, it is. Don't go stooping so low as to think why such favouritism over this one person. If that thought had occurred, or is occurring to you, may your god whom you oh so love so much help you. I'm just being humane. Please also don't use god as an excuse for the way things happen. We don't even know if there is a god to start with, let alone blaming him/her/it for our problems. We don't even know why some things happen to us, no matter how hard we try.

Enter another group of morons. Somehow they only come out from their closet when such incidents occur. These people will justify your suffering for the sins that you've committed and it is how god, their god, your god, my god and holy fucking jesus christ admonishes you. First off, justifying any one person's suffering is not something godly or how any fucking god would have wanted us to be. What defines a sin? Something some fuckhead wrote in some book(s) claiming it to be from their god, as a sin, doesn't make it one. If there existed such a god, he/she/it has given us a brain. This brain suffices as a tool to decide certain things. If that is not enough, you have a heart. It's not just there to pump blood anymore. It has other purposes too. Not going to explain here, go do your homework. What things am I referring to? Good and bad. I've touched on this before. No. I'm not referring to good and bad as what religion or society or what some country's law defines it. These things have been around for so long yet no one knows what they really mean. Good and bad are just words to describe desirable or undesirable actions. Actions which you've committed in view of someone or some constitution or institution. Herein lies the biggest problem. Everyone sees good and bad differently. Yeah the religious zealots have a common pool of good and bad things but there are a vast number of differences. Differences that cannot be listed here. You get the point. So who am I to follow? They all claim they're the right way to god and heaven. Who the fuck came up with the theory that there is a heaven and/or hell in the first place? One of them is Zarathustra. You fucking bastard. You fucking divided the world thanks to your prophetic views.

And, oh yeah. God. The big dude out there somewhere. If you exist, you've fucked things up big time. And you're almighty, right? Sure. Correct things, if you may. No no no. Don't give me the excuse that you gave humans free will to exercise things correctly. No matter what book you give to them, they fuck things up wholesale. What's the deal with these books anyway? Why so many different religious books and so many different versions of each one popping up every now and then? You could have just come forth and bitch slapped these bastards and given them enlightenment 101. We have Dubya here who claims he speaks to you. Or you speak through him or some shit like that. Come on man. You're the big guy. Do something. Do we really have free will or not? Or are you just fucking around with us? We have millions of morons giving you back things that you gave them. They call it offerings and sacrifices. Are you greedy or something? You've got everything man. What are they going to give you that you don't already have infinite amounts of? Hats off to you, soldier. You picked some old, ugly and smelly people to guide the rest of mankind. Okay, so you didn't. They decided that they knew best. They decided to be your ambassadors. Don't blame these fuckheads and send them to this imaginary, ooh aah scary placed called hell, alright? We have so many people who claim that they know you and how you work. How come you didn't pick me as one of them? I would have loved to deceive and manipulate rich bastards to donate to my place of worship and start a brothel somewhere in Ukraine. Read your mind there, didn't I? You evil bastard.

If you're reading this, I've tried my level best to be tactful and sensitive to your thoughts and feelings. If I haven't, then I clearly have disappointed myself. Hope I haven't. It is indeed upsetting that other people change and fail to realize these things on their own. The default behaviour that you're supposed to keep things running is something not acceptable according to your belief. I second that. Perhaps, you've been taken for granted. Perhaps you've been pushed too far. Perhaps, you've grown mentally tired of turning every ignition. Perhaps, it is high time that you retire to your own thoughts. For that is something that is worth being concerned about than these things. Let things be as they are for now. Let us see where this heads to. I see this going somewhere albeit closer to nowhere but that is purely an assumption. Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups. I know. In a situation as such, perhaps we're both going to be right. If things end up like how we suspect, the bridge will eventually collapse. Will be it because the foundation was not strong enough or the number of times the people will end up walking all over it? I guess it will be the latter.

I'm referring to things that are beyond simple comprehension. Somethings that not many people have had the capacity to grasp. I am one such person. I try. At least, I bring forth that provoking thought. That is something, I feel, I do pretty well. So this is dedicated to you. Minus the french, of course.