Dale Sadler: Counselor - Author - Speaker

How An Absent Father Can Affect His Children

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Tue, 21 May 2013 14:04:00 +0000

I speak to women regularly who are in a state of turmoil because their husbands have left them. Maybe he left her for another woman, maybe it was for drugs, or maybe it was because he was not ready for the level of responsibility necessary to have the title of “Daddy” bestowed upon him. He leaves a frightened wife, but he also leaves behind children who will never know the love that both a father and mother can give or the level of specific personal resources a man can impart on his offspring.

There are many opponents to the man's role in the home, especially as they deal with his natural tendencies toward leadership and problem solving. To some, these are politically incorrect notions. However, a home without these, whether they come from the man or the woman, is not a home at all. It is a machine of dysfunction that spirals at the whim of the children and adults who do not understand what it is to be a person of character. A man's role is even minimized to the point of questioning its necessity. Scientists at the University of Newcastle have managed to create human sperm cells using a female embryonic stem cell (www.environmentalgraffiti.com). While this is certainly fodder for every feminist out there, it also sets boys (and girls) up to believe that men are not needed. Subsequently, the desire to start a family and defend it to the death is never developed. Instead, boys become old adolescents who look out for themselves. Then, a crucial place in the American home is sacrificed and our children are put in jeopardy.

If the wife represents the nurturing portion of the family, the man represents its strength. Daddy chases the monsters away which helps children see that they have nothing to fear. This develops courage. Daddy helps junior reel in his first fish which teaches that a man can eat if all he has is a string, a hook, and a worm. This is survival. Daddy teaches his little girl to slap the first boy who sexually harasses her and also ensures that this fiend will pay for his mistake beyond that if necessary. This is self-respect. Children who don't have an active father at home miss out on many of life’s lessons. They then become prey for a world that does not think of their emotional well-being but only of what they can be exploited for.

Real men are missing from our homes. Children who need to learn life lessons have holes that they fill with mood altering drugs and destructive behavior. A boy whose temper is lost at the drop of a hat could have been taught to control his inner beast by a good man at home. Instead, the boy's rage comes out regularly as he develops a disregard for authority at school and with his mother. A girl who is missing a daddy who will love her unconditionally looks to boys for this fulfillment. Selfish males can't possibly meet a girl's deepest needs to the degree that the man who gave her life can. Boys see her only as an object, not for the precious being that she really is. This makes her a victim rather than a princess.

A father's absence leaves a child with questions that are all too often answered in the wrong ways. A child being raised by a single mother can grow up to be a respectable person. However, the influence a good father carries with his children is immeasurable. When a father is absent, the child's behavior and tear stained face are a testament of this to me.

Men: 3 Reasons You Trade Your Family for Your Job

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Fri, 10 May 2013 00:17:00 +0000

Dads like to stay busy, but they often miss out on a lot of things. Ball practice, field trips, and those special moments right after school or daycare just to name a few. This is the sacrifice men make in many homes because he and his wife decided purposefully, or just by how their work schedules played out, that she would be the one to do most of what many call, "running around with the kids."

Men, if we are not careful, we may miss out on much more. Here are three ways we often trade our job for our family.

1. You work late. While more money makes us all happy, it doesn't necessarily make our homes happier places or even provide lasting joy. Maybe you have the drive to work more than 40 hours per week. That is fine, but there must be a cap at some point.

2. You think that you only contribute to the family by working. This is a fallacy. While men may feel a great deal of accomplishment by working, they can do so much at home with their kids to ensure they grow up right.

3. You consistently say yes to your employer and no to your family. How have you spent your time during the last week? Keep a log of how much you devote to your job and how much to your kids. You may be surprised. It is sometimes easy to put our families off because they can't fire us as easily. However, by not doing a good job at home, you definitely lose your influence there.

The solution?

1. Discuss with your wife a reasonable work schedule. Maybe you work late two times a week or maybe only once. In any case, make a plan so that everyone knows when to expect you. Otherwise, you may set yourself up to be a consistent disappointment.

2. Know your family's schedule. There are many shareable calendar apps that make it easier to know what is going on. Show up to things because they are important to your kids.

3. When you are not at work, be totally engrossed in the moment with your family. Make a big deal about being with your kids, and always make time for your bride.

You're away from your other job. Be present in your most important one.

After the Affair

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Fri, 03 May 2013 00:37:00 +0000

After an affair, the betrayed wife will often take on too much of the blame because the husband has possibly said, “if you paid more attention to me, I wouldn’t have to look elsewhere.” While this order of events may be true (she ignores and he seeks) it was his choice to cheat. It may have been his choice to act in such a way that she had to ignore him. Also, if it was her behavior, he could have chosen to discuss the issue or seek marital counseling. She didn’t “make” him do anything.

Regardless of how the affair occurred, there is a post-affair emotional path the wife may take. She may slip into this pattern after resolving to reconcile with her husband. Having been devastated by his actions, she will understandably have her guard up. She will say things like, “I’ll never let him do this to me again. I don’t want him to make a fool of me.” This is a precarious position as she has already let her guard down so much that were he to cheat again, she wouldn't know until it is too late.

When we marry, we give our hearts to another person in the hopes that he/she will care for it, and when they commit a heinous act such as adultery, it all but kills us. By recommitting, the wife submits her heart once again to her husband. This automatically opens the wife back up for hurt, but such is the risk she takes for her self and her children. Divorce isn't always the best answer.

In post-adulterous situations we see the powerful forgiving love of Christ. The husband, wanting to reconcile, returns to his wife smelling of hogs, and she, like the father in Luke 15 welcomes him back for another chance. Why not? They have built so much and have so much yet to live for.

To the wives I say, be wary. He has cheated once and it can happen again, but if you see sincerity in his actions, allow time to heal you and your relationship.

For the husbands I would like to reference William F. Harley’s love bank principal. When you do good for your wife, you make a deposit. When you do bad by your wife, you make a withdrawal. Well, an affair burns the bank to the ground and now you have to rebuild it. Also, realize what you almost lost. You loved her once, love her again.

Contact me about my marriage seminar, "Eden Again" and let me help you bring paradise back to your marriage.

Or, click the image below for a great at home program.

My Faith In Both My Fathers Has Been Strengthened

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 22:47:00 +0000

On Sunday, April 14, 2013, my dad was teaching the adult Sunday school class at the Carthage Church of Christ. In the middle of an excellent illustration of how we handle frustration, he falls out of the pulpit with a heart that was no longer beating. We discovered later that there were no blockages or any muscle damage; his heart just decided, "Hey, I'm done with this" and quit.

Quickly and decisively, a doctor, a nurse, and a member of the congregation performed CPR. The doctor was the husband of a girl I grew up with in that very building. They were visiting from Woodbury, TN. There were others responsible and we can't say thank you enough to all of them. For seven minutes they worked to keep my dad alive until the ambulance got there with the defibrillator. Two high voltage shocks later, daddy was awake and knew everyone. No damage of any kind has been reported by the doctors. Here are some thoughts.

God wasn't ready for dad to go. I am a firm believer in the providence of God and this is your best tool against worry or anxiety. God WILL take care of you. No matter what situation occurs, God will be there to guide you in this life or to an eternal home. So, depend on Him and let Him take care of everything.

Second, many will ask, "why did this happen?" Well, dad's heart stopped because of an electrical issue. It sometimes gets out of rhythm and I suppose this is a side affect of that condition. I'm sure this is not the spiritual answer that most would expect from such a serious event. I believe a better question to ask when faced with times like this is, "What?" "What are you going to do now that God has spared you? What have you learned from this event?" We can ask "Why" all day long and not really be satisfied. "Why" searches for a cause in the past and "what" searches for an answer to the future. Where would you rather be?

Events like this keep us affixed to the world around us and how the simplest things mean so much. These times also make us keenly aware of our Heavenly home. Which ever you meet on this day, may you see the blessings found therein.

Finally, I am left hoping for more days with my dad and mom. We have a trip planned for the fall and if I can talk him into it, we're going camping. I'm sure it won't take much convincing.

A TV In Your Car Can Save Your Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 10:23:00 +0000

My two children (ages 8 & 3) are just like me. They like to talk. Well, they like to talk a lot, and when you have three people in a car all yelling at the same time, "I'M TALKING! I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING! MY TURN!!!" it can be a bit un-nerving and unproductive. So, we have developed hand signals of acknowledgment in order to let the wanna-be speaker know that he/she will have his turn. This simple act cools the jets of an over-anxious conversationalist who must say his piece.

The second part of this story goes as such. I enjoy long, uninterrupted conversations with my wife and one of the best places to do this is in the car, but this can be difficult (see first paragraph). So, when we bought our SUV a few years ago, we installed a DVD player with wireless headphones and a wireless video game system. Now, I am the first to say that kids need to watch less TV, but if there is a time and place for it, it is in the car that involves any trip over twenty minutes.

Please don't think I'm a terrible father. I'm actually a pretty good one, but I also want to be a good husband. It's much easier to turn the TV off at home than in the steel-cage death match known as the car as we travel to Gatlinburg or Hilton Head.

I am anecdotally convinced that couples stop talking to one another because the kids (if they're like mine) do not allow them to talk. You must make time to talk to your spouse. It will ensure a good marriage which is what your kids need to see even if they see it with the head phones on while they watch that DVD for the thirtieth time.

3 Ways to Help Your Child Quit Effectively

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 23:15:00 +0000

Here you'll find my latest post on the Empowering Parents Blog. Enjoy.

Can You Keep Up with Your Child?

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:23:00 +0000

My family spent Easter weekend at a hotel. It had a pool and my kids just love to swim. We forgot my daughters arm floaters so I was left with the task of holding her like one might hold a wet seal; which I did enjoy tiring though it was. After we were there for a few minutes I noticed that the pool had a collection of life jackets just her size. I went over and borrowed one. She was so excited as it meant she would have a bit more freedom. I put it on her but still held her close. She continued to wiggle until she pushed away from me and said, “I’m OK daddy.” She’s three and she’s telling me she’s OK in four feet of water!!? Yes she was.

As parents it is our job to prepare our children to go into the world. It is our job to instill in them a value system that will bring joy and happiness so they can do it on their own. Some parents leave their children to “discover” things on their own. Discovery is good in the right context, but without preparation by the parent, who knows where the child will end up.

By the end of our swimming session, my little girl was jumping into over four feet of water . . . without her life jacket. Boy, I hope I’m doing this right.

Mama Ain't Happy

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 11:54:00 +0000

We’ve all heard the expression, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” This is always good for a laugh and it makes for a funny sign to purchase at Cracker Barrel. Also, there is some truth to it. Mothers are often the driving force of morality and civility in a home. They are the embodiment of a home’s comfort and warmth. They are the central figure regarding love and compassion. Yes, if mama ain’t happy, something is terribly wrong and somebody else in the home is doing something wrong.

However, there is an ugly side to this aphorism. What if a mother (or father for that matter) is controlling? What if their wishes are the only one’s that matter? What if this person does not guide with a loving and pious hand but rather rules those beneath her with guilt and the threat of a difficult evening if things do not go exactly her way? Then, nobody’s happy because mama (or daddy) makes everyone miserable.

Maybe it is biology, or as we may say in the south, maybe he is just plain ornery. In any case, someone who is constantly in a bad mood (causing everyone else to be miserable) has some deep soul searching to do. Scripture encourages men to be leaders in their homes and it encourages women to be a source of wisdom and trust (Proverbs 31). If a story was written about you, what would it say? At your eulogy, will the preacher have a wealth of positive, or will he pronounce you deceased and a sigh of relief echoe over your family?

“Someday you’ll be nothing but a memory. Make sure it’s a good one.”

Have A Better Marriage: The First 5 Days, FREE!

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0000

When you sign up for my monthly e-newsletter, you will receive the first five chapters of my book, 28 Days to A Better Marriage, absolutely FREE. Whether your relationship needs a small improvement or a major overhaul, five days can make a huge difference.

To get your relationship back on track, and make it what you've always dreamed, sign up below.

My New Store Guaranteed to Improve Your Marriage and Parenting Skills

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 11:18:00 +0000

I am an affiliate with Legacy Publishing and they have turned out some great materials designed for in-home personal and family growth. These products are great and there is even an option to get one of the parenting programs absolutely FREE.

Whether you are dealing with a failing marriage or a child with issues ranging from ADHD to Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) there's something in my store for you. Take a look and I hope you find the help you are looking for.

All come with a 30 day money back guarantee.

God bless.

Managing Parental Anxiety

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 00:52:00 +0000

Parents often struggle with a child who is constantly, if not subtly, disobedient. A firm parent will “nip poor behavior in the bud,” but a passive parent will continually struggle to gain some type of control. Both are difficult but let’s look at the optimal method by which a parent should approach this type of child.

There is a steady climb of parental anxiety as a child misbehaves little by little. She throws food at her little brother and you clean him up without saying a word. She makes a deliberate mess of her room and you say, “Stephanie, don’t do that.” Finally, she does everything but take a bath as you instructed her and you wonder where your parenting clout has gone. I say, “what parenting clout?” As you allow your child to engage in negative behaviors, your anxiety goes up because she is not behaving like you want. You eventually scream to get her to listen and it then takes you a while to return to a state of normalcy. It looks something like this. The red line represents your child's misbehavior across time while the blue line represents a parent's anxiety level.

The best thing to do is be swift and direct regarding a child’s poor choices. The downside of this is that parenting anxiety makes a swift spike, yet the positive side is that a return to normalcy can be much quicker. Why does it look like this? Your child is behaving like you want her to. Instead of working tirelessly to manage a disrespectful child, you quickly stop the behavior you do not want to see.

As you can see here there may be a spike in parental anxiety (for some) as they correct their child, but consider the fact that misbehavior is much shorter and a return to a normal mood level is much quicker for the adult.

Check out the following program that is guaranteed to help you be a calmer parent.

My New YouTube Channel

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 16:35:00 +0000

Subscribe to my YouTube channel for advice on marriage, parenting, and men's issues.

Can You Maintain A Good Marriage?

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Sat, 23 Mar 2013 13:52:00 +0000

When I speak to young married couples on the verge of divorce, (the average age of a divorcing couples is 30) it is plain to see that they just don't know how to maintain a good marriage. Why?

First, they may not have seen a good marriage before. Having possibly come from a dysfunctional or divorced home themselves, they do not have a history with the behaviors of a good husband or good wife. So, the default action is also the second reason why couples cannot maintain a good marriage; selfishness.

1 Corinthians 13: says that love, "does not seek its own." Stop worrying about yourself and begin worrying about how you can make that other person happy. Two people who look out for one another is much better than two people looking out for themselves.

When we think only of ourselves (not of loving the other person) we grow apart. "That other person" in your house is causing you to not get that fishing boat because she's a nag, or live in that big house because he doesn't make enough money. "I deserve it" you tell yourself and by your own lack of vision for what a family should be, you wreck possibly dozens of lives because a divorce involves much more than just two people.

While you might not be labeled self-centered, maybe you're doing everything else EXCEPT working on your marriage. There are so many distractions in today's world that we end up doing everything else but eating dinner together, talking over coffee, and cuddling in bed; all things that bring you closer as a couple. When person needs aren't fulfilled at home, people begin looking elsewhere. I see it happen a lot.

Ask yourself:

What does my spouse like to have for breakfast?
What is his/her favorite dinner spot?
If I could do one thing to make him/her happy, what would it be?

If you struggle with these questions, you've got some work to do.

Marriage is like bowling. The goal (like the pins) is far off, but if you set your throw up just right, you'll score BIG.

BOOK REVIEW: Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 01:00:00 +0000

I believe that my generation; Generation X, was the last generation in the woods. We saw the advent of the video game system and air conditioning spread through small town America like wild-fire. We had reasons to stop reading and to stop going outside to make our own adventures because both needs were met through our video game consoles in our comfortable bedrooms. Today, the issue of depressed and obese children is even more of an issue because "outside" is a scary place. Richard Louv works to displace this irrational fear.

I read this book as I am interested in parenting and nature. This book was a bit more nature than it was parenting, but still a good resource for those parents who wish to raise well-adjusted children, not television zombies.

Louv approaches the issue of how our society has left nature in many ways that include where we live to how our children play and how we view nature. He discusses how stress, depression, and obesity are up in kids, and he believes there is a direct causal relationship with our inactivity with the outdoors. Louv believes technology obviously has its place but our inclination to make everything technology driven is keeping our children (and us adults) from experiencing anything of substance. You can see a mountain stream on the screen but you can’t touch it or catch the trout that swim in its waters.

Basically, many of the ills our children experience, he believes, can be remedied by more time outdoors. There is something therapeutic about it. He even cited a study by Kapplan and Kapplan regarding Attention Restoration Therapy whereby children with ADHD were improved in their attention capabilities just by experiencing the outdoors.

Lots of his material is based on studies and in contrast, our fear of the outdoors is fed by movies and a propensity to stay inside with the air conditioner; giving no thought to what we are missing. I enjoyed his references to the Bible and how the outdoors are good for you, plain and simple. He spelled out how our behavior in the past has been bad for the environment and outlined ways you can do your part to improve our land's future.

His political stance for the environment (in some cases) made good sense. For instance, hunters (typically not thought of as conservationists) should work together with those who want to save the land. Otherwise, there will be no place for either to go. Some of his other points were slanted towards “greener” living that in a perfect world would save energy, but in reality often do not. How does one person in a mass-transit vehicle save gas? It doesn't. His vision of small yet fully autonomous villages for Americans to live in (food, jobs, homes, etc) seems a bit far-fetched to me, but he did have meaningful methods for seeing it through and maybe it can happen.

This is a good read if you love the outdoors, your kids, and want to see them both get together more.

Eden Again Marriage Seminar / Bringing Paradise Back to Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 00:55:00 +0000

In this one day group session, Dale uses a scientifically proven method to identify your marriage's weaknesses and strengths, enabling you to grow both individually and as a couple. His teaching sessions will inspire you and the conversations you have with your significant other will take your relationship to places you never thought you could go. Marriage started in a paradise and Dale believes this can continue even today.

This event is for engaged couples, newlyweds, couples in crisis, considering divorce, or those who simply want a tune-up.

The day will not be spent airing grievances but rather work will be done so that you can handle any obstacle that may come your way.

TOPICS COVERED:

Conflict Resolution
Couple Culture
Stress
Communication
Financial Management
Spiritual Beliefs
Sexuality, Romance, and Affection
Closeness & Flexibility
In order to optimize your experience, Dale tailors each session around the top five issues faced by the specific couples in the group.

Many couples don't have time to go to therapy once per week for months, but they can invest in themselves for one day; a day that can make all future days brighter.

Dale believes you're never too far gone in your marriage if you're willing to make the journey back.

Contact Dale for more information.

The Hero Project - Custodial / Single Fathers

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 00:49:00 +0000

The other day I received an email from Khaaliq Thomas, a freelance photographer based in the metropolitan Detroit area whose moving video on "The Hero Project" moved me to share his vision. The following is from Khaaliq's website.

"The Hero Project"

A Photographic Study of A Single Father Home

For the past year I’ve been working on a photo documentary concentrating on single / custodial fathers households. I’m hoping to get your help in spreading the word about the project.

Purpose of The Project

The project will challenge the belief of fathers being incapable, unwilling, and or inadequate in performing responsibly, productively and lovingly as a single / custodial parent.

Attention will be given to the dedicated ability of these dads and their commitment to raising productive children and supplying a stable home on their own. The finished project will consist of a 110 page full color photo book. I’m using Kickstarter to raise the funds to search for more dads through advertising, print and design of the book and setting up exhibitions of the final project.

How You Can Help

I need your help in spreading the word about the March 7, 2013, Kickstarter fundraiser in order to get the project to the public and share in the experience of a single father household through this project. I’m asking for your help in support of the project by spreading the word on your websites, blogs or anyway you can.

Thank you –

Khaaliq Thomas –

Watch the promotional video

Website for the project

Follow on Facebook

How to Treat Your Wife

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 15:23:00 +0000

There are secrets you should keep from your wife.

They are called surprises, not affairs.

There are words you should speak to your wife.

They are called understanding, not contemptuous.

There are actions you should commit towards your wife.

They are called kindness, not disappointments.

There are feelings you should have towards your wife.

They are called love, not resentment.

BOOK REVIEW: The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be A Better Husband by David Finch

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 15:00:00 +0000

David Finch chronicles the life-changing moments he experiences as he goes from an ego-centric, self-centered jerk to an empathic, thoughtful, and caring husband. Lots of men need to learn the lessons in this book and lots of wives would appreciate it if they did.

Finch makes the usual mistakes of only thinking of himself, spending too much time at work, and neglecting the various needs of his family. What makes Finch different from most men is that he is not choosing to be a reclusive bullhead. Instead, Finch does not have the natural capabilities to think of others because he has Aspergers Syndrome; typically referred to as a mild form of Autism.

Aspergers Syndrome is a condition defined by the Mayoclinic as a developmental disorder that affects a person's ability to socialize and communicate effectively with others. Furthermore, people with Aspergers Syndrome typically exhibit social awkwardness and an all-absorbing interest in specific topics because of a lack of empathy. In other words, if you tell him to consider the feelings of others, he will have no idea what that means or how to do it.

As an adult with Asperger's Syndrome, Finch was only interested in what his needs were and his obsessive-compulsive tendencies made his behavior even more unbearable. He was disturbed by the fact that anyone would take a shower in less than an hour and when some friends played their usual board games out of order, he became increasingly agitated. “Don’t they know we always play Boggle first?” Biologically, it is impossible for him to think of others. It would be like telling a fish to breathe air. He could maintain the sense of empathy in his courtship days, but to his own admission, maintaining this persona was exhausting once he was married.

The real Finch was released on his unsuspecting, non-OCD wife, Kristen. However, it was because of Finch’s love for Kristen that he overcame his biology and taught himself to be a better husband. Men, if you want a happy marriage, learn from what was exhausting work for Finch. You have the talent that he lacked naturally so no excuses.

After Finch was diagnosed with Aspergers, he kept a journal, outlining behaviors that were appropriate and that were inappropriate. Keep in mind that this was not just affecting his marriage. Finch’s behaviors were so severe that he would often be late for work by several hours just because he did not know how to dress the kids or behave when his morning routine was out of sync. His wife did everything and it was killing her. Finch had no idea how to think outside himself and had to learn how to do a lot.

Here are just a few of the "best practices" that are reflected in the chapter titles:

Be her friend first and always.
Use your words, ie. Don’t blow up or pout if things don’t go your way.
Get inside her “girl world" and look around. You must know who your wife is if you are to make her happy.
Just listen
You must do things around the house that you don’t want to do because, guess what, that’s part of running a house. For Finch, it was doing the laundry.
Go with the flow.
When necessary, redefine perfection. What is your picture of a happy marriage? It might not be what someone else’s is. Be happy with what you have and make the most of it.
Be loyal to your true stakeholders.
Take notes: Be aware of how you are performing as a parent and spouse. Also, care about it.
Give your spouse some space.
Be present in moments with the kids.
Parties are supposed to be fun.
Do all that you can to be worthy of her love.

Most men don’t think of their wives' needs because they just don’t. Their’s is a choice where Finch, over an almost two year time period, had to train himself to think of others, to be in the moment, and to not freak out when things did not go exactly as planned (those with Asperger’s don’t like surprises).

Maybe other men do not see the value in considering their wives' feelings, maybe they don’t want to make the effort, maybe their wives make it difficult to do, or maybe they are just jerks.

Finch admits that his efforts were not totally without self-serving motives. He wanted to be happy and he realized the only way this would happen is if he made his wife happy. This sort of unselfish love is what every marriage needs. Think of him/her first and happiness will come.

Because of Finch’s efforts to please his wife, he remarks that he would often get teased about being, “gay.” He would want to spend time with her by doing things she enjoyed, and by having a general interest in her happiness. “Which is more ‘gay?’” he asks. “Watching a movie and then having hot sex with your wife, or falling asleep alone on the couch watching half-naked UFC male fighters go at it?” His point is well made.

Men Who Want Divorces

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 15:00:00 +0000

I sometimes talk to men who are just done with their marriage. They are done trying to be “whatever it is she wants me to be.” They are simply finished and want out. What can cause this level of frustration?

First, when women do not communicate their needs, but rather leave their husband guessing, even the most well-intentioned man can wonder, “What’s it all for?” Women want their husbands to know what they need/want because it makes it that much more special. However, if you have never told your husband what you like and don’t like, how is he really supposed to know? Research has shown that the longer we are married, the less we know about one another. You must talk. Also, some men are not that good on picking up on clues. Help him fulfill your emotional needs more by talking to him about them. Then, your husband can move on those needs at appropriate times.

Second, women become so frustrated with their husbands that they continually beat up on them. “He won’t do what he says” or “he never listens to me” are just two complaints. Don't continually remind him of his shortcomings. The desire to win you over must return to him and by berating him, this will not happen. Also, while communicating one’s feelings, you must move away from hurt towards forgiveness; provided he is apologetic and working to be a better man.

Third, men don’t listen. Guys, if you haven’t even tried to understand your wife, you gave up before she ever got started, so ask yourself, “What do I want?” Hopefully, you want a wildly passionate life with the woman you committed yourself to. Think single guys have it all? Think again. Marriage has been proven to prolong your life and make you a happier person. If you’re not happy, work to change that.

Your spouse is the greatest thing you could ever possess so don’t let it crumble underneath your feet.

The Us Factor™ Program
Simple, powerful skills to fix your
marriage - quickly & confidentially.
www.TheUsFactor.com

Parents, Teens, & Cell Phones

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 00:54:00 +0000

From ABCNews.com

Thirteen-year-old Greg Hoffman had been begging his parents for an iPhone all year. So on Christmas morning he was thrilled to find the object of his desire under the tree, but there was a catch.

The phone came with an 18-point set of terms and conditions that he had to agree to before the phone could be his. And the agreement did not come from Apple or the phone provider, it was from his mother.

What a novel idea! A parent working to control her child's actions. More parents need to get a clue and direct their children like this mother has rather than watching the train wreck their children slowly become. Here's the list she came up with and if you are looking for ways to help your child become a productive adult, this may be a good place to start.

Her rules were edited by Bart King.

It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?
I will always know the password.
If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad". Not ever. 
Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night and every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone's landline, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected. 
It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. 
If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. 
Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being.
Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire. 
Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person. 
No porn. 
Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that. 
Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation. 
Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity. 
Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO -- fear of missing out. 
Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons. 
Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then. 
Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling. 
You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. We are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

Making the Change with Advocare

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 15:00:00 +0000

Behavior change regarding your health is easy but difficult at the same time. It is easy because you know that eating right will make a big difference in your life and you want this. It is difficult in that drastic changes must be made and committed to. This, by its very nature, takes discipline and is a struggle.

Eating right is the obvious change but what other changes must be made? You will have to shop smarter, you will have to exercise, and you will have to do whatever else is specific to your situation. For me, I have to commit to getting up at 4:30AM to exercise. There is no other time for me to do this. It's not easy but it is simple because that's when I must exercise so that's when I do it. You must do what it takes to make your changes and the first step is easy. Make that decision.

Advocare can make this change easier to bear. You get a solid program with a cookbook and supplements that make you a fat burning, muscle building machine.

Prepare Now for Your New Year’s Weight Loss with Advocare

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 02:01:00 +0000

It happens every year, when we wake up December 26 in a holiday stupor. We are bloated from all the food and somehow perplexed that there's a tree in our living room. Then, all the morning news shows begin to guilt us into losing those "unwanted pounds in the new year." Even Richard Simmons will make an appearance, I'm sure of it. Well, at the risk of sounding mainstream, Advocare can help you lose those holiday pounds.

I have gone through both LA Weight Loss and Weight Watchers, and I have been successful with them. However, I felt like I was missing something. Yes, I was missing fat, but without the supplements offered by Advocare I was losing things I needed. I was sluggish and my muscle mass also diminished. A lighter man is no good if he is a weaker man. Items like Catalyst, Spark, and the delicious Chocolate Meal Replacement have made me believe that Advocare is where I will find ultimate success. There are no meetings to go to and you can actually make money on it! How’s that for opportunity? A thinner waist and a fatter wallet. You can’t beat that.

There are some things you need to do to prep, so contact me and we can talk about you actually meeting those goals you’ve set for the last several years.

Change Now and You Won’t Regret It Later

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 15:00:00 +0000

As I have told people about me working to lose weight through the Advocare program, their first response is, “Now? During the Holidays?” They’re right. It is the absolute worst time to lose weight. No other month long period has more scores of delicious food. Plus, this is the only time of year some foods are typically prepared. However, I’m fat all year long and I’m tired of being fat. I didn’t want 30 more days to extend my waistline. Plus, the time of year has nothing to do with it. It’s all on me. What I decide I’m going to eat. This is a lifestyle change; not a one time try it and see change.

Your frame of mind on food is very important when trying to eat right. For instance, some food just isn’t worth it. Are you telling me you can’t say no to fruitcake and pumpkin pie? Both have to be the most mediocre desserts known to man. Also, never am I more disappointed than when I bite into a cookie and realize it’s an oatmeal raisin. My first thought is, “this would be really good if it were a chocolate chip cookie.”

There has to be food you say no to and these are just some of mine. I also say no to Sonic French fries. Realize that you have a choice in your food intake, and begin saying yes to food that is good for you. You can still have the foods you enjoy, but your clothes will fit better.

It’s not easy. I have guidance and help through the Advocare program. You can get this too.

My Personal Progress after the 24-Day Challenge

Weight Lost - 13 pounds

Inches Lost - 14.5

The new year is right around the corner. Contact me and we can begin discussing your health improvement plans for the new year.

BOOK REVIEW: Sex, Drugs, & Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 22:00:00 +0000

Klosterman's take on life through the eyes of a jaded gen-xer is not as depressingly solemn as you might think. It's funny, witty, and in some spots even charming. You could go the rest of your life and never read this book, and some will want to avoid it. (Too many f-bombs for my taste.) These always seem to cheapen anything. However, the rest of his word choice, analogies, and sentence structure are superb.

His essays on The Sims game franchise, Pamela Anderson, and MTV's Real World are more than just his opinion about what's in the cesspool of pop-cutlure. Rather, they are the foundation for his discussions on topics that actually matter. He ponders questions like, "Is Gen-X lost? How obsessed are we with race? Does what we watch on television actually influence how we act?" His answers will cause you to think about your relationship with society at large as it pertains to all things pop. No great answers to life issues, just somewhat thought provoking.

This pseudo-psychological/sociological analysis will make you think and laugh about "The Coolest Generation." We are not the greatest but we are great at being cool, he says. This is indicative in the movies we watch and the music we listen to. Which he also takes jabs at Billy Joel, stating, he was not a cool rocker but he was great and that's why we liked him. On the other hand, he continues, David Lee Roth was cool and we wanted to be like him.

Overall, what he discusses isn't really important but that's the point. Why is Star Wars overrated, what does basketball have to do with cereal, and his hatred for soccer are all just some of the entertaining topics. Plus, they will make you think about yourself and even society. I did find it to be a very narrow-minded take on pop-culture as many of his statements are blanket. I do think he is right to a degree in his conclusions but given that these are one man's opinion, they are obviously not definitive.

Thinking of Divorce? Think of Your Children.

noreply@blogger.com (Dale Sadler) — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 15:00:00 +0000

Parents love their children but sometimes mom and dad don’t love each other. Another way to put it is that mom and dad are divorcing. You can divorce for good reasons or for bad, but in any case, please think of the children before you sign any papers. By working to save the marriage, you may save yourselves and them from utter ruin.

The following is from www.FirstThings.org. Some of these stats are old but because divorce is still divorce, I’d be willing to guess that things haven’t changed. They may actually be worse.

The poverty rate for a child in a single parent home is six times above that of a married, two-parent home. Typically, the household income of a divorced family falls 37%.
Surveys have found that children from broken homes, when they become teenagers, have two to three times more behavioral and psychological problems than do children from intact homes. Zill and Schoenborn, 1988
Good remarriages did not seem to help children overcome the trauma of divorce. Dr. Judith Wallerstein, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, A 25 Year Landmark Study, 2000
Children living with both biological parents are significantly less likely to suffer health problems than children raised in a single parent home. Dawson. 1991
In 90% of the divorces, the father is gone from the children's lives in five years.
Nearly two-fifths of all kids live in homes without their father. Of those children more than half have never been in their father’s home, and 40 percent have not seen them in at least a year. David Blankenhorn, Fatherless America 1995
Daughters, white or black, between the ages of 12 and 16 who lived with unmarried mothers are at least twice as likely to become single parents themselves. McLahan 1988
Family instability or disruption is one of the major causes of youth suicide, now the second leading cause of death among adolescents. Nelson, Furbelow and Litman, 1988
Children of divorce complain: “The day my parents divorced is the day my childhood ended.” Dr. Judith Wallerstein, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, A 25 Year Landmark Study, 2000

The Us Factor™ Program
Fix your marriage - automatically &
confidentially. Guaranteed methods.
www.TheUsFactor.com