Insert My Blog Name Here

NOT SO MUCH X FACTOR, AS ICK FACTOR???

2012-01-29T13:24:00.003Z

Now we all know that I'm not averse to getting involved with a younger man. But I do have my limits and that is why the whole Caroline Flack/Harry Styles relationship did freak me out somewhat.

For anyone not in the know, Caroline is a tv presenter around about my age (early thirties). Harry Styles is a member of boyband One Direction and is a mere 17 years old. Well, apparently he is going to be 18 on Wednesday but it's still a pretty hefty age difference.

As far as I'm aware, they've broken up now, but I've found the whole short relationship a little weird all the same. I know some relationships have big age differences and if we fast forward ten years and Caroline was early forties and Harry was late twenties then it wouldn't seem like such a big deal . . . but right now I really find it icky.

He may currently be in one of the UK's most successful boybands and I'm sure he's gotten his fair share of tail in that time and is possibly a bit grown-up than your average 17 year old, but the fact is that he's barely left puberty and she could practically be his (very young) mum. Even when I was seventeen myself I found seventeen year old boys to be a bit young and immature . . . I may have once saw an attractive guy on the street and thought "nice!" before I realised he was not wearing a suit but actually a school blazer . . . but I wouldn't have then went AFTER him.

I'm really trying not to judge because we can't help who we fall for but . . . seriously??? He's not even legal (to drink, I mean, not for the other stuff). As the Mirror quoted on their break-up "The split comes ahead of his band’s first tour of the States and just a week before Caroline could legally take him for a pint". Doesn't that say it all?

Don't get me wrong, I think it's horrible that Caroline got so much of a backlash from One Direction fans about their romance - but I think that would have happened anyway, regardless of the age difference. Unfortunately that's the price you pay for dating a so-called heart-throb (I don't see it personally - but then again, that's possibly because HE'S SEVENTEEN!) And it would have been one thing if she'd fallen for him and THEN realised his age (a la Monica from Friends in "The One With The Ick Factor" or me that time in the pub when the guy told me he was in his final year at uni but everyone else thought he had his school uniform in his rucksack) but she has been perfectly aware of his age considering that she is presenting the spin-off show of the reality show he became famous on, so once again it gets icky.

And I'm not talking double standards here - i think it's equally gross when a man in his early thirties goes out with a girl in her teens, even though girls are allegedly more mature than boys. I may actually judge that more, and maybe some people would see it as almost EMPOWERING that the roles were reversed in the case of Flack and Styles. But no, it's equally yucky either way, as far as I'm concerned.

I'm not surprised the relationship ended because there was just so much about it that was a little taboo. I'm more surprised that it lasted as long as it did. I hope the two of them can move on and find happiness elsewhere - and if they want to hook up again in ten years, then fair enough!

What do you think? Should people in their thirties be dating people in their teens?

PROUD . . .

2012-01-28T16:27:00.002Z

I don't know if I've mentioned this before but one of the many things I am utterly rubbish at are job interviews. Even if i know the answer I get all stuttery and start talking nonsense and apparently forget every word in my vocabulary, if what actually ends up coming out of my mouth is anything to go by.

So I try to avoid putting myself in these situations.

It stands to reason then that I hadn't applied for a job in five years. Why risk the humiliation???

But this week I applied for a job slightly senior to my own. I had the interview yesterday. As far as I was concerned, the usual babble started exiting my lips, just as always. The only word I remember using that I was particularly proud of was "superfluous", although I couldn't tell you if I'd even used it in the right context because it was all a bit of a blur.

The upshot though? I got the job. It's just a temporary promotion, but hey, I did it all the same!

Hope you'll all have a drink for me tonight to celebrate on my behalf. ;-)

GIVEAWAY WINNER!

2012-01-22T21:46:00.004Z

Thanks to all who entered the My Memories giveaway. All four of you. :-)

Oh well, at least you had a one in four chance of winning which significantly increased your odds of doing so.

Congrats to Cathenia, who claimed the prize. I used one of those randomizer applications to come up with the winner - quite exciting as I'd never used one before. Cathenia, I'll get in contact with you once I know how to get the prize to you.

Apologies to the rest of you - I wish I had more than one to give away! - but you can still get $10 off My Memories Suite v3 on their website by using the promo code STMMMS90070 when ordering the software and checking out. After purchase, you'll also get another $10 off voucher.

I've got the giveaway bug now. It's this blog's four year anniversary in March, so I think I'll arrange something for then. (If any company wants to sponsor me, get in touch!) Watch this space.

In the meantime, normal action will resume again shortly . . .

"RHETORICAL" QUESTIONS . . .

2012-01-19T20:15:00.003Z

Why is it that when you've been wanting something for ages and waiting impatiently for it to happen, when it comes along you find yourself barely motivated to do anything about it? Is it the fact you've been waiting so long that it's almost an anti-climax?

Why does my favourite meal from the Chinese takeaway have to be soooooo unbelievably NOT chinese that hardly anywhere does it? I've been craving breaded chicken in cream sauce and noodles all week (and I've had it twice already)...

WHY IS NO ONE ENTERING MY GIVEAWAY??? *stamps foot* It's free, it's available to everyone and it's not hard work. Please enter! Pretty please??? (Go here..)

Why has it been like eight weeks or something since I've hung out with my good buddy Mich??? How it that even possible? (That should hopefully be remedied tomorrow.)

Why isn't the working week two days long and the weekend five days? I'd even accept 3:4. Come on universe, throw me a bone here!

Anyone got any answers for me? Or any "rhetorical" questions of their own???

MY MEMORIES GIVEAWAY . . .

2012-01-17T22:23:00.007Z

So yesterday I mentioned that there would be a giveaway happening shortly. I've never actually had a giveaway before in nearly four years of this blog being around, so this is pretty exciting for me!

Over Christmas, I received an email from a woman named Liz who works for a company called My Memories, a digital scrapbooking website. Now, I'll be honest, I don't really know a lot about SCRAPBOOKING, let alone the digital kind. I went through a phase a few years ago though where I made up some scrapbook for some friends, so when she offered me the chance to try out and review some of their software, I was pretty enthusiastic.

Unfortunately real life has somewhat got in the way and I haven't got around to play with the software quite as much as I would have liked, but so far I'm liking what I see. There's loads of different things you can do with the software - you can get some really cool effects with both text and photographs - different tints on the photos etc. I've never had software like this before so I'm geeking out a bit now I've had a chance to have a proper go at it.

I've started off by making myself a little advert for my blog: I thought that would be kinda fun!

I've just taken the same picture of myself and put it into various different tints and styles. I had great fun playing around with this. Okay, it's still pretty rough but maybe I could make it into a poster and advertise my blog around town. Probably not (I can imagine it getting defaced by all and sundry as I type this) but it's nice to have the option!

I will definitely be using this software again - I recently got a new laptop and a printer came with it (although I've been too busy playing with the laptop to even take the printer out of the box) so getting this software is really good timing. It will be great to get back into scrapbooking again (I need a hobby to keep me occupied) and I think it could be great for making cards as well (save myself some money!)

So . . . here's the fun part for you guys . . . do you want a chance to get this software for free??? My Memories have generously offered me the chance to give away a copy of this. Retailing at just under 40 US dollars (I have no idea what that is in other currencies, even my own currency!), it's easily downloaded and can be used on PCs or Macs, so everyone is happy. :-)

All you need to do to be entered is visit the My Memories website, have a look around, and let me know what your favourite digital scrapbooking design is in the comments section on this post. Anyone who enters will be entered into a draw and a winner will be randomly selected - the contest will close at 8pm (GMT) on Sunday 22nd January 2012. Good luck everyone!

And if you can't wait that long (or don't win!), you can get $10 off My Memories Suite v3 on their website by using the promo code STMMMS90070 when ordering the software and checking out. After purchase, you'll also get another $10 off voucher. Happy scrapbooking everyone!

MY FAVOURITE THING . . .

2012-01-16T20:25:00.003Z

. . . at the moment is Rekorderlig flavoured cider.

It is absolutely delicious. Especially the strawberry and lime flavour.

I could drink it forever.

It's weird because normal cider is not something I like very much. It reminds me of being underage and not being able to afford anything more expensive. I don't even like Magners or Bulmers. Not even the flavoured versions of those.

This stuff though, I DO like.

You may have realised that my not-drinking-so-much-in-January thing has pretty much stalled. Oh well, back on with being good tomorrow!

Do you like fruit ciders? What's your fave?

PS. There is a giveaway coming up in the next few days. Be excited!!! (I'm afraid this giveaway is NOT for cider - sorry Sprinkles! That's what I get when I try to do a post under the influence of alcohol I guess. It's for something completely unrelated - but it will be open to you too!)

CHEER-ME-UP-TUESDAY . . .

2012-01-10T19:39:00.002Z

Okay, so I've spent the majority of the past two days cooped up in a stuffy room with only a photocopier for company. It has NOT been easy. Today I described myself as the modern day Cinderella - photocopying instead of sweeping, covered in toner from trying to solve jams rather than cinders . . . and rather than rags I was covered in bits of paper that had escaped from the shredder. Fun! So today has not been my best day.

Since I've got home, things have brightened up slightly. Especially after someone on Facebook led me to THIS clip:

I might hate flying a whole lot less if this guy was on MY planes!

Anything funny you care to share?

1 GOAL . . . AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION REQUIRED!

2012-01-03T15:16:00.004Z

I'm not doing resolutions this year, but I just have one "goal" and that is to get healthier.

I fill my body with junk on an almost constant basis, forget to eat my greens, and drink too much wine. Is it any wonder I was plagued with health issues no one could diagnose for a large chunk of last year??? Maybe if I'd looked after myself in the first place, none of it would have happened, from me feeling the need to go to A & E, to them losing my bloody sample, and spending months worrying about why I didn't feel 100 per cent. Even today i am feeling horrible inside after the excesses of christmas and new year - sometimes it isn't until I stop that I realise how bad I feel and I've now been feeling dodgy for two days, which isn't great.

My problem is too that when I'm sad and depressed, it's almost like I FORGET to look after myself. I'll forget to eat - or just not have the energy to walk to the kitchen - I'll not force myself to get active (other than perhaps going to the pub), and I'll lose any motivation I ever had to actually cook for myself. Add that to the fact that most times that I DO try to cook I'll be interrupted by the kitchen-sharing flatmate (who is perfectly nice but, unlike her, I try not to be cooking at the same time as it's a small kitchen and it gets complicated) so most of the time I'll opt for convenience rather than anything else and just grab a ready meal.

On top of this, I really want to lose some weight and tone up. But I'm trying to see that part as a side effect of me getting healthier rather than the be all and end all. I want to be providing my body with the right type of fuel so that it works better for me - so that I can stop feeling ill like this too!

So the plan is to:

1. Buy more healthy food and cook from scratch at least a few times a week.

2. Stop going out for dinner as much (which will have the added bonus of saving me money!)

3. Trying to get into a routine where I get to bed earlier and get more sleep as a result.

4. Cutting down on my wine intake. I'm going to limit myself as much as possible this month and definitely try not to drink when I'm in the flat alone, and I'm hoping that by the end of January I'll have got myself into that habit.

5. Experiment with food I haven't tried before.

6. Exercise exercise exercise! I start back at my pole fitness class tomorrow night after more than a month away from it, which should be interesting. The girl who runs the classes is also starting up a Saturday morning class for two hours, which will include both pole work and circuit work and I'm considering trying to go at least once or twice a month, but that's dependent on my money situation really. I walk to work and back everyday anyway which is between four and five miles roundtrip in total so I've got that going for me, but I need to set myself more goals than that. I've got the Hannah Waterman dvd so if I can motivate myself to do just 20 mins of it three days a week on top of the walking and the pole class, then anything else I manage over that is a bonus. I also quite like the idea of trying out a yoga or pilates dvd - nothing complicated (I'm not very flexible), just something relaxing that could help me wind down when I'm feeling stressed out.

So actually this is a really ambitious plan I suppose but it does fall under the umbrella of this one goal, and I feel like I really need to give this my best shot.

So I could use some help. First of all, does anyone else want to get in on this with me? I need motivation!

And I need some suggestions. For websites with healthy (and, most importantly, EASY to make) recipes - preferably with not too many ingredients because that confuses me! Some tips on how to wind down earlier at night time so I can at least ATTEMPT to get an early night. And if anyone could recommend a dvd (or a website) with yoga or pilates that would help to de-stress me but not be too difficult . . . then please help me out with ideas!

Oh yeah, and also (if I'm not asking too much already!) positive thoughts please? I really want to do this. Wish me luck! :-)

AND IT GETS WORSE . . .

2012-01-02T19:26:00.002Z

I have spent the day feeling like utter shite. Partly because I am nursing the Hangover from Hell(which has lasted all day) and partly because I feel utterly let down. It took me a while to cry, but when I did it sounded rather akin to a wounded animal. The pain felt that raw.

So far, I'm not particularly impressed with 2012. I didn't think 2011 was particularly great, and about this time last year I felt this shit for a very similar reason but this time . . . I just feel more than a little hopeless.

But I'm strong. And I'll turn this year around.

Eventually. Right now I just need to wallow for a while.

AND IT'S DONE . . .

2012-01-02T06:10:00.005Z

Happy 2012!

I rang in the new year with people I love and had a lot of fun - albeit getting very drunk and passing out and being drawn all over.

Unfortunately I was also let down by one of the people I trusted most seven hours before the clock struck midnight. With an email which I still replay in my mind nearly two days later.I'm trying not to think about it because I have rarely felt this devastated. I didn't do anything wrong apart from try to keep a friendship going.

Now I'm so angry I could scream!!!

I've disabled any comments on this post though - I may be angry but this is my own internal battle and I'm upset with myself that I'm even SPEAKING about it, but look at it like this . . . yesterday I was all ready to go out for new year's eve, make-up done, dress packed, coat on . . . I was JUST about to leave my flat when I saw the horrible email.

As I told the sender, the timing was impeccable.

And I'm going back to bed to cry now. Since I haven't done that yet.

AND IT'S ALMOST HERE!!!

2011-12-24T22:59:00.004Z

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

All my deliveries turned up (or I was able to achieve them) and the only person I forgot to get a present for is my brother in law. Ooops. Everything got wrapped this afternoon (I meant to do it last night but one quick drink when work finished at 3pm resulted, almost inevitably, in me not remembering getting home and passing out with my coat on at around about midnight) and I'm feeling quite satisfied with myself and sipping some sparkling elderflower presse. Yum.

I like to think I'm quite a good present buyer. I don't know if I actually AM, but I put a lot of thought into gifts so I like to think that people will like them. One of my main problems is that I do have a tendency to assume that because I like something, the other person will, and that's not necessarily a good thing! But who knows! I tried not to overcomplicate things this year because I lleft most of the present-buying so late. Some friends are getting bags from my favourite new bag place, Nica - I couldn't resist buying myself a "present" on there too - mum is getting a zumba kit, my dad a book and some vodka, the brother dvds and some Jack Daniels, dvds for Granda . . . it's my sister's present I'm most proud of though!

Lynne, if you have decided to pick today to read my blog, please stop reading now or it will ruin the surprise!

Have you stopped yet? Okay . . . here it is!

So here's what I got her - an eyepencil set from Floozie (great colours eh?) dalmation print earphones (amazon), a zebra print wine glass (I just found out today her husband's parents have given her a leopard print one, but she says he's always breaking them so it can't do any harm to have two - I got mine from a seller on Folksy); some cute Floozie socks (Debenhams) and . . . my favourite two parts of the overall present . . . a bird print coin purse I bought from Fossil while in London earlier this month; and, last but not least, a cute owl ring from Tatty Devine. I would absolutely love both of these things for myself (I'm hoping that doesn't mean I'm buying based on my own wants and not hers again) and have struggled not to keep them, but I'm hoping she really loves them.

Sometimes I really do think that the giving is better than the receiving. I love the looks on people's faces when you feel like you've got them exactly the right present

I hope you all have an amazing day, whether you celebrate Christmas or not. I'm sure an update on the presents I receive, reaction to the presents I give, and a run-down of whatever random selection of foods we have for Christmas dinner THIS year will be imminent.

PS apologies for the post being all crushed up., I had no idea how to fix it!

OUT FOR DELIVERY . . .

2011-12-15T00:10:00.002Z

A pet hate of mine (I know - I have many) is when a delivery company try to deliver something when you're out and decide to just leave it with your neighbour.

Fair enough if you've stated that they can do so while you are in the process of ordering. Or fair enough if you live in Ramsay Street, Erinsborough for example, and everyone knows everyone else anyway and walk in one another's houses without knocking and never lock their doors.

But I have NOT stated I want them to do this, and I live in a tenement flat where I barely even know my own FLATMATES, let alone my neighbours.

The thing that irritates me the most is that it is then up to me to try and get the damn parcel back. And most times the person in question doesn't answer their door, so I end up leaving a note on the door just asking can they drop it inside my storm doors (or through the letter box if it fits) - and this usually happens, eventually.

Yesterday I got two dresses delivered, and since neither my flatmates or I were in, they were left with a neighbour in the basement flat. I didn't know this until I got home last night not long before midnight. So I could hardly pop down then, and I wasn't sure if i'd be around tonight either, so I left a polite note on their door explaining this and asking if they could do the whole dropping off behind the storm door thing for me.

There is still no sign of this package.

It better appear soon as I need to see if either of these dresses will do for my night out on Saturday night. I can't go there NAKED after all. Well, I technically could but i'd probably be 1) cold and 2) arrested.

Stupid delivery companies. Stupid neighbours. Stupid dresses that probably won't fit anyway.

Stupid everything. :-(

UM . . . HEY . . .

2011-12-09T21:49:00.003Z

Do you remember me? *shuffles feet, looks around shyly*

I'm that girl who used to come on here and alternate between random rants and acute bouts of virtual depression. Sound familiar?

No?

Oops, sorry, I've been neglecting these here parts of late. There's been a lot going on in my life recently - some good, a bit more of it bad. But I'm still here; I'm still breathing. I'm still imbibing wine like i'm worried it might run out and I should make sure my bloodstream continues to have a (un)healthy supply of alcohol running through it.

I'm just back (pretty much literally!) from a work trip to London for the past five days, which was actually really good fun. Here's some shit I learned:

Deciding to take the stairs out of Covent Garden underground is practically a suicide mission. There are WAAAYYYY TOO MANY. I had to take a break before I reached the top to, I dunno, actually BEGIN BREATHING AGAIN! On the upside, I probably worked off my dinner in terms of calories before I actually ate it.

Wahaca (a Mexican tapas-y type place in the aforementioned Covent Garden) is actually fab. Delicious food, great service, although you can't pre-book. I don't like that part. But it's worth a go if you're in London.

I don't see Miss H enough. I had an ace time with her hanging out in Camden (and then passing out on her early on - *insert ashamed face here*) and am going to BULLY her into coming to Scotland very soon. Because she has NEVER BEEN HERE!!!! (Naughty)

It's very satisfying not to be in your own country when the snow strikes there, as well as the brilliantly named Hurricane Bawbag of yesterday. Although I DID miss out on getting sent home from work early. But when it comes down to it, I'd rather have avoided the extreme weather than get any other perks.

Living off expenses is probably a good way to make one pile on the weight pretty damn quickly. I feel like I end up eating more than usual just for the sake of it. Oops.

Oh, and once more, I am reminded that I am far more resilient and strong than I tend to give myself credit for. I've been through a bit of an emotional turmoil this past two weeks, and I'm still not feeling one hundred per cent, but I still worked my ass off, AND managed to have a good time. Pat on the back for me!

What have you all been up to, my lovelies?

WITTY PUTDOWNS . . .

2011-12-02T22:40:00.003Z

I pride myself on being fairly quick-witted, but it is unnecessary insults from random strangers that tend to result in me becoming pretty tongue-tied and slow. Possibly it's something to do with holding back from actually TRYING to come back with something equally insulting because they might, y'know, PUNCH me or something.

The one that annoys me the most is when you get someone (usually a wee girl ned who thinks she is hard) making some sarky comment about your (actually very nice) clothes - usually along the lines of "NICE boots" or "NICE coat" to her friends within hearing range of you. The "nice" part of the phrase is clearly sarcastic, and is destined to make you feel bad about yourself . . . ESPECIALLY if you were already feeling slightly insecure about your sartorial choices that day.

So I've figured out this brilliant comeback, and I'm dying to use it, but it's been a while since this has happened to me. (Well, I THINK It happened to me and my sister last weekend, but neither of us were sure enough that we hadn't misheard - and we didn't actually know what "NICE" part of us was being slagged off - to actually retaliate.) But here it is . . . maybe someone else could try it out?

Next time some little DICK-FOR-BRAINS makes a sarcastic "NICE something" comment, reply with this:

"NICE face!"

Then have a quick look at the face, frown and feign embarrassment.

"Oh sorry!! Um - my mistake."

And then run away before they hit you.

Let me know if it works, okay??? ;-)

What would YOUR comeback be to one of these sarky little c-words???

I'M STILL ALIVE . . .

2011-12-02T00:03:00.001Z

Just don't feel much like posting anything right now.

Sorry. Would just rather crawl up in a ball and drink and/or cry than do anything else.

Normal service will resume shortly. No idea when. But . . . yeah.

AN AMAZING DISCOVERY!!!

2011-11-13T19:33:00.002Z

I've discovered something pretty amazing about myself in the past month or so.

I CAN COOK!!!

I actually cannot believe it. Up until now the only thing I could make was spag bol - I mean, technically I was using a jar of sauce but I added a lot of chopped up veg and herbs and shit (not ACTUAL shit) to it so to me that involved effort and was therefore cooking.

Although I suppose I have to make an effort to get a takeaway by powering up my netbook or hanging about a chippy waiting for my order to be ready . . . but THAT'S not cooking. Hmmm.

I've always been a bit scared of cooking I guess. Everything always sounds so complicated! I'm not sure what some cookery terms mean and lists of ingredients tend to intimidate me as they're always so LOOOONNNNG, and I rarely have most of them already.

But I figured . . . I'm 32 years old, I need to start being healthy and not living off microwave meals and Dominos pizzas.

Anyway, I started off easy, one day I really wanted enchiladas. So I made them. I used a kit, granted, but it was a start.

Then a few weeks later I was craving quesadillas (I've been going through a bit of a Mexican food phase I guess). I couldn't find a kit for that so I had to improvise. I made cheese, chorizo and spinach quesadillas and, if I say so myself, they were delicious. I told a work colleague about them I thought they were that good. She wasn't sure what a quesadilla was, but after I explained I got her craving them too and then she ended up making them herself!

Then came the chili con carne. (See? Mexican again!) That was COMPLETELY from scratch. And I pulled it off. I've pulled it off on two separate occasions now.

The tuna and brocoli fritatas which I stole off the Harcombe Diet website are in the oven cooking. I made some for lunches last week and they were AMAZING! I was so sad when I finished eating my serving; I just wanted more!

And last night I made a curry (from the Harcombe Diet recipe book this time - although it's also on their website). It was meant to be butternut squash curry but I made mine chicken instead. COMPLETELY from scratch, I have never made curry in my LIFE before . . . and it was delicious. I had it for dinner last night and for lunch and dinner again today.

I am soooo making that again!

Anyway, what next? I need ideas! It can't be anything too complicated or involve things I don't like (I disapprove of fruit in savoury meals and I'm not a big fan of prawns) but I don't think I'm cutting anyone's options down TOO drastically. So what's your favourite meal to cook, and what should I try next???

TV SHOWS EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO WATCH BUT I DON'T . . .

2011-11-12T21:40:00.003Z

*** The Only Way is Essex - I genuinely have no interest in it. I am constantly reading about the so-called "stars" in it and I've yet to work out the point of them.

*** The X-Factor - this is actually a first for me. Every other year I've got sucked in by thinking "oh I'll just watch the auditions" and then next thing I know it's the live final and i've watched every single bloody episode and wasted every weekend from September until Christmas. This year, I have somehow managed to avoid it and it's sooo freeing! I have no idea who any of the contestants are, I don't need to watch glorified karaoke singers murdering once-decent tunes, AND I don't have to put up with an ad break every five minutes. Result! (Oh, and I've also came to really loathe Kelly Rowland. So there's another silver lining in not watching.)

***Strictly Come Dancing - the show where z-list celebrities go to become more famous - or shag a dancer. Either/or.

***I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here - like Strictly, this is the OTHER show where z-list celebrities go to become more famous . . . or prove that they really WILL Put anything in their mouth. I have no desire to see someone eat an insect or a kangaroo's bollock. What's next? A koala's penis???

***Eastenders - it's the TV soap equivalent of Coldplay. In other words, it's so depressing it makes me feel mildly suicidal. At best.

***24 - I know it's not on anymore, but at the time I was sick of it. It was the longest day of MY life too just trying to watch it!

What TV programmes do YOU hate that everyone else seems to like??? Please feel free to share. :-)

"YOU ALMOST FEEL ASHAMED . . . THAT SOMEONE COULD BE THAT IMPORTANT, THAT WITHOUT THEM YOU FEEL LIKE NOTHING..."

2011-11-11T23:43:00.003Z

"and when it's over, and it's gone, you almost wish that you could have that bad stuff back, so that you could have the good."

Weird how it's the completely superfluous bit of this video that actually has the most truth in it, eh?

I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS . . .

2011-11-05T10:15:00.002Z

I'm 32. Thirty freaking two.

Occasionally that really freaks me out, because I'm definitely a YOUNG 32. I get id'd often, I live like a student , I'm quite definitely single, I've never had a long term relationship or any other sort of commitment like a mortgage (unless a mobile phone contract counts?), my room is strewn with empty wine bottles (okay, it's generally cava, which makes me feel SLIGHTLY more of a grown-up, I'm not sure why, but still!), spend hours on Facebook, go out on week nights, spend my weekend days in bed rather than going for walks or trips to IKEA . . . I'm definitely not a proper adult.

And a lot of my friends are younger than me too, and I never really give that any thought.

But occasionally I actually feel my age. Or feel like OTHER people are feeling my age.

Like last night, for example. Earlier in the week, some of my flatmates had decided we should have a film night, and I had no plans made for last night so I decided to pop along to one of their rooms to watch some chick flicks.

As they perused the selection of films available, they came across a ten chick-flicks in one type dvd boxset. "Oh I've never watched any of them," the girl it belonged to said dismissively. "They all look rubbish."

I felt my face fall. "But Girls Just Want To Have Fun is on it," I pointed out.

(Sidebar: it may be cheesy and star SJP when she hadn't worked out how to tame the frizz in her hair, but it's one of my favourite films of all time. Girl and guy from different sides of the track? Check. Controlling father? Check. Spoilt rotten rich girl who eventually gets her comeuppance? Check. Random dance sequences? Check. IT HAS IT ALL, PEOPLE!!!)

I tried to explain to them that when I was 16, my dad had recorded the film for us (it had been on in the middle of the night) on our VCR. The following day had been a snow day and me and my little sister had decided to watch it. We loved it so much that we watched it four times in one day. And even to this day I own the DVD.

Still, this failed to convince them. We ended up watching French Kiss instead.

I still couldn't believe that they had dismissed Girls Just Want To Have Fun so out of hand though. To me, it is a classic cheesy 80s dance-genre movie.

But then that was when I remembered . . . I may only have been about seven when the film first came out . . . but NONE OF THESE GIRLS HAD BEEN ALIVE WHEN IT CAME OUT. I was born in 1979 - most of them weren't born until the nineties!

Talk about making myself feel old!

And later, when the film ended, we were talking as the credits rolled and the year French Kiss was made appeared. 1997.

"Oh, you're probably the only one who really remembers that," one of the girls said teasingly to me.

"Yeah, that was the year I started uni," I replied, feeling old once again.

"I started uni in 2006," the oldest of the other flatmates said.

Shoot. Me. Now.

I'm thinking I maybe should start lying about my age. I reckon 26 would be a fairly believable age. Yeah?

Are there ever points when you just feel "Oh my god I feel so OLD"??? Or is it just me?

WORDS WILL NEVER HURT YOU (WARNING: EMO POST AHEAD) . . .

2011-11-04T23:09:00.004Z

The childhood saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is one of the STUPIDEST sayings in the world, as far as I'm concerned.

It's the words that really hurt. The sticks and stones are merely superficial (in most cases) - they glance off you and they may leave a bruise or even a scar . . . but these fade.

In my opinion, words hurt more . . . and for longer.

It's amazing how quickly a well-chosen putdown can break down your defences and cut to your core, right? Eat away at all your insecurities, make you feel two foot high.

Obviously sometimes people just say something off-the-cuff, thoughtlessly, that they may not necessarily mean (god knows I've done that often enough), and I try really hard not to take these incidents to heart. But when a person MEANS it . . . when they've CHOSEN to say it . . . then that's a completely different matter. Then you know it was INTENDED to hurt. And who does that???

I take things to heart too easily, I know. I do it time and time again, and as much as I try to steel myself against it, it always breaks down my barriers. I particularly dislike when I feel like someone is being dismissive towards me. It hurts even more - because then I feel like my opinion - or me myself - doesn't matter.

I'm made of stern stuff, but I still bloody hurt all the same. I can bounce back, but the emotional scars don't leave.

This isn't brought on by anything that occurred today or even in the last few days. It's something that has been festering in my mind over the past few weeks and it's only now I actually remembered to post about it.

(I felt I had to post that disclaimer because otherwise it sounds like I'm being cryptic again. I'm not. I'm just venting.)

What about you? Do you take other people's hurtful comments or dismissive behaviour to heart, or have you learned to let it slide? If so, please share how you do it!

MONDAY OBSERVATIONS...

2011-11-01T18:44:00.005Z

Um.... why do I think it's Monday? It's not. Oops. My brain is fried already. Can't be bothered changing the title though.

I forgot how scary the area around my office building is at night after the clocks go back and it gets dark so early. I was rather convinced I could be the Hollyoaks's serial killer's next victim (if it were real life, and not a tv programme, obviously!) as I walked home tonight after an unusually late finish at work.

It probably also didn't help that so many weirdos were actually LURKING about the dark streets, apparently waiting to give me a fright. Um... dudes? It was Hallowe'en LAST night. Now it's November!

Oh yeah, shit, it's November already! Can't believe how quickly time flies. Since the majority of the second half of this year has been shite so far, I hope it either improves, or flies just as quickly to the New Year.

Sometimes all you want is a hug from a certain person. But you have to settle for a Dominos and bath instead. (Not at the same time - soggy pizza is a no-no.) And perhaps a little cry.

Since yesterday's post, I've realised another slightly irrational fear. When I walk near scaffolding I am always scared it might topple down on me. Probably slightly more likely than the birds flying into my head, but still fairly (I hope!) not likely to happen!

Apparently I can try all I want, I can work my ass off . . . but I will never get any recognition. Instead I'm apparently meant to be psychic. I know I lack confidence, but I'm a hard worker, and it sucks when I'm not taken seriously. :-(

If you are walking along a narrow street in a pair, and someone is walking in the other direction, it's always nice to get behind the person you're with to let the person in the opposite direction pass. However, if you don't actually get directly BEHIND them and instead stay in the same position you were in, just further BACK . . . it kinda defeats the purpose.

Of course I choose the day of Two for Tuesdays to crave the Dominos. I may or may not have ordered two medium pizzas. Um.... yeah, considering I have an appetite of a bird (honestly, it's ridiculous - I'm surprised I'm not skinnier), I think this pizza may last me for several days!

And I think that pretty much wraps it up. I'm off to listen out for my pizza delivery guy (hopefully I'll get a hot one - and I don't necessarily mean the pizza, baboomTISH!), and wait for the next thrilling episode (not even being sarcastic!) of Hollyoaks to pop onto E4. Ciao for now!

MY RECENT IRRATIONAL FEAR . . .

2011-10-31T19:48:00.003Z

There's lots of silly little things I'm worried about. Like insects flying into my ears, especially moths (let's face it, it could happen.) Or nearly standing on a leaf that turns out to be a frog (has happened more than once, smack bang in the middle of Queen Margaret Drive, so it's actually a fairly rational fear. And frogs freak me the hell out.) Or dying alone. (That one is probably not so silly, now I come to think about it.)

But the most recent one, which is actually possibly developing into not so much a worry as a potential full-on phobia, is that I have became quite worried that I might one day be hit by a flying bird. And I'm not talking about their droppings - been there done that. I am actually occasionally gripped by the fear that a bird is just going to lose control mid-flight and swoop right into me. Usually right into the side of my head, although occasionally I wonder what would happen if it just hit me in, I dunno, the bum or something.

It makes me really nervous around birds. Although I've always been a bit paranoid about them as I'm convinced they have some sort of agenda.

Has this ever happened to people in real life? I don't necessarily mean to someone reading this (if you get here by googling, then I'm sorry, I can't actually help you with birds-flying-into-your-head problems) but has it ever come up as like a story in the news or something? "Girl struck by flying bird, impaled on its beak", that sorta thing?

Is this a totally weird thing to be freaked out about? Or has it ever crossed your mind?

I mean, BEFORE you read this, obviously . . .

I FINALLY GOT MY HOUR BACK!!!!

2011-10-30T17:52:00.003Z

I've been waiting since the end of March, when the clocks went forward, to get my hour back. I know technically I never lost it but it felt like it.

So today I FINALLY got it back. Yay!

I feel like I've made the most of it. I woke up early, did some (very mild!) housekeeping, then went out for lunch. AND bought a new pair of boots and some pale grey nail polish - meant to buy some of the latter for AGES so finally!

As for this morning's ramblings... well, let's just say I was possibly still drunk from last night but I'm talking purely hypothetically. Don't get me wrong, there's things going on in the background but . . . I'm not sure whether I want them to. I'd rather get drunk and listen to music for now...

Depressing tunes over... here's a cheesy 80s one which I also love... :-)

And a less depressing Ed Sheeran one... :-)

What are you listening to right now? :-)

TIMING IS EVERYTHING . . .

2011-10-30T09:43:00.003Z

They say that when one door closes, another opens, don't they. And that's usually the case, I've came to find.

Sometimes, however, you're just not quite ready for the door to be opened yet.

Then again, maybe you weren't necessarily wanting the first door to be closed in the first place, it was just slammed in your face.

So you can end up dithering over whether to open the next door, or whether to just stay in the corridor for a bit.

And sometimes, you think about trying the next door, but it just seems . . . not quite the right time to open it yet.

The problem is, by the time you decide it is ready to be opened, you could find yourself locked out.

Timing really IS everything, isn't it? I wish everything could just operate on MY timeline - selfish I know, but in an ideal world . . .

Just something I've been using my extra hour today (the clocks went back) to consider.

Would YOU open the next door even if you weren't sure you were ready?

POLE TO POLE . . .

2011-10-26T21:35:00.004+01:00

I'm getting better!!!! I am!!!!

I keep ending up with bruises, and as of last week managed to get some sort of friction burn on the skin on the inside of my right wrist . . . but I have almost mastered this new block of moves. I say "almost" - I mean "sort of". I say "mastered" I mean "I can execute them, but without much finesse or style". There's one move that is still outwith my grasp, but I'm getting there.

My friend who I started with went onto the next four moves today (I still have another week of these current moves to go) and I'm a bit scared about some of those. She's doing well, but she has done the class before so is better at it anyway.

But it WAS nice to realise today, when one of the newer girls was despairing about not being able to jump up on the pole and slide down it, that it really DOES improve. Mainly because, on my 11th week of pole fitness, I myself managed for the first time to do that complete move. The one I was taught on my first class and gradually (FINALLY) manage to improve at. I am improving by the week at something I thought at the start of August I would NEVER be good at, and nearly three months later I am relishing the fact that I've found something I really want to work at perfecting.

AND the fact that it is a pretty good workout at the same time... well, that is an added bonus!

So, here are the moves I've been working on. (No, I am not in the videos. And sorry they talk so much.)

This first one is called The Chair. I couldn't even remotely manage this the first week - my legs wouldn't even come off the ground. Then miraculously, last week, they lifted off the ground. I nearly fell down due to shock. I can't really rotate around the pole and make it just over half a rotation before I have to put my feet back down, but I'm working on it!

*Insert My Blog Name Here*