Insight for Living Canada - LifeTrac Blog

How to Transition

Tue, 29 May 2012 08:00:00 +0000

A few evenings ago I was sitting on the couch staring at my laptop.

“What's wrong?” Asked my husband, from the other couch.

“I'm stuck on this article I'm writing. I can't transition.”

In school I was taught to use transition words to ensure essay success. But throwing in a hasty “therefore,” or “nevertheless” only works when you know what you're transitioning to. In essence, the transition word brings two ideas together, which previously didn't connect. My issue was the ideas I wanted to bring together were so different one word wasn't going to make the transition for me. I was going to have to be deliberate and smart about it.

This transitioning problem reminds me of a time when I moved back to my hometown after having been away for eight years. I was expecting a smooth reconnection with my home, my friends, my family, and my church. In short I was expecting to fall back into the life I remembered.

Of course, as all things do with time, life wasn't the same upon my return. I left home a teenager and returned a young adult. I spent much more time grieving my perceived losses (youth, friends, roles…did I mention my penchant for drama?) than I spent figuring out how to shift into adulthood. Instead of finding new roles in familiar places I concentrated on where I no longer fit. I was essentially sitting on the couch, staring at my computer, unsure of how to transition.

I think many young adults find themselves struggling to transition into adulthood, especially when they stay in the place they grew up. Although some find easy transitions many people, like me, cling to old roles and memories, unable to see themselves as anything else.

This dilemma brings to mind Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 13:11. “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me,” (NIV). The context of this passage is referring to spiritual growth and how learning to understand spiritual gifts is like the transition from child to adult. Transition is tough, no matter what situation it is.

In order to develop we must put some things behind us. In order to grow in life, or in spiritual matters, we must first put “childish” things behind us. In order to transition from one stage to the next we must be willing to see ourselves as more than what we currently are, and find a way to connect who we were to who we are becoming.

Something that helped me was to stop expecting everything to be like it used to be, and accept my situation for what it was. Once I could let go I began to find ways I could reconnect to my community. It hasn't been easy, but by opening my mind to what I could become I've learned to embrace transition and all the new connections it brings.

The Post-Graduate Pie

Tue, 22 May 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Nicole King

Sometimes I feel like the statements associated with graduation are misleading. Phrases like “things will never be the same,” or “I'll never hear from you,” to name a couple.

Sure, a few things in life will change after graduation. You may even move to a new church, school or country. I did all three. What I realized is that my experiences and personal lifestyle habits didn't drastically change me into someone new right after graduation. Maybe that's why so many people find it difficult to find their place after graduation, because we try to keep things in the same routine.

But we can't keep our same routines. We go into shock mode when September hits and we aren't the ones walking to the bus or driving to class. And some of us stop going to church because we move, or simply because half of the people we used to sit with have moved away for different things.

It's difficult to find verses about what living out healthy Christian habits should look like. We can see them in Jesus and how he consistently retreats for time alone with God, and through the constant character of his disciples as they stand by their faith in words and deeds. But then we throw in the fact that as Christians we're meant to live a life of testimony and James 1:22 tells us to make sure that we “live out the message.” I wish an instructional pie chart of how we should spend our time would follow after that verse. Do I spend half of my pie in faith-based friendships and church? Does reading my Bible count for five per cent of living out the message? The truth is, God has wired us all differently. We all need and desire different things He's placed in our hearts.

For example, my pie has a huge chunk of time devoted to working Sunday mornings rather than going to church. I absolutely love being able to work with those not led by Christ, so that more of them can have that day to be with their own families and loved ones. Another chunk of my routine is focused on nature and music, since those are the main ways I connect with God. Within that—and in smaller chunks—are things like conversations based on faith and Christ, reading, church, and Christian discipleship. Some of my friends have completely opposite routines, which I find really interesting since we're all believers.

It's only a half-truth when people say life after graduation will never be the same. In real life, who you are doesn't drastically change. You simply realize where your past and present habits blend. Out of that comes a routine uniquely yours.

Sure, it might be terrifying or even hurt a bit. Then again, when we first learned how to ride a bike we faced the same situation. Gone are the days of a pie chart being planned for you, with buzzers signaling lunch, and exhausting exams and papers marking the end of another semester. Now it's time to plan your own pie chart. See what fits as you find your place, make room for what you need, and remember that you'll still have to pedal hard to get there!

Why it's so Hard to Go to Church

Tue, 15 May 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Robyn Roste

There is nothing worse than having to get up and go to church on your only day off.

It was tough in high school, when I worked the 5 a.m. Saturday shift at McDonald's and had to figure skate at 5:30 a.m. on weekdays. It is difficult now because I joined a ball team whose games are on Saturday and I work the old 9-5 during the week. But nothing was as arduous as finding motivation to get up for church when I was in University.

Brent Thompson writes about this struggle in his article Worshipping at Bedside Baptist. Why is it when people go off to University the habit of attending church doesn't go with them?

The article brings up three reasons:

Some people only go to church because of other people. Once that influence is gone, church attendance drops off
Skipping church often doesn't feel any different than going
Trying out new churches can be uncomfortable and awkward

When I think back to my years in University I can't justify my church-skipping any more than I could defend missing class. I had a million excuses though: I didn't know anyone, I didn't like the music, it was too far, it was weird, no one talked to me, too many people talked to me, it was too overwhelming, I was too shy, etc. etc. etc. Eventually I came to the hard reality that when I was away at University, church was a much lower priority than it should have been. If it were higher on my list none of my excuses would have dampened my enthusiasm.

Hebrews 10:24-25 is especially clear in this context, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” I like this verse because it points out it's not the building or the tradition, which holds importance, but the meeting together with other believers to encourage, motivate, inspire, and support each other.

Since those days of experiencing the more casual side of church attendance I've had a lot of time to reflect on why I go to church and where it should sit on my priority list. I don't have any definitive answers (although the Bible sure talks a lot about encouraging one another in the faith! John 4:23-24; Acts 2:42-47; Romans 12; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4; Ephesians 1, 4; Philippians 2:1-11; 1 Thessalonians 2:3-13; Hebrews 13:15-17; Revelation 2-3), but I can't ignore each time I worship with other believers my gumption seems a little bit stronger. As well I am reminded once again of all Christ has done for me, which causes me to be that much more secure in my faith and with who I am.

How to Choose a Church

Tue, 08 May 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Robyn Roste

In my early 20s I spent time going to school, moving around, and trying new things. Yet despite all the change I continually found myself making a familiar decision: Finding a church to attend.

Since I didn't just move cities but countries, I quickly learned no two churches were the same. And sometimes they weren't even similar. Since I couldn't figure out an easy way to choose a church to attend my selection process generally defaulted to either attending with a friend, or trying out churches nearby.

This “trial and error” process—although stressful at times—did help me deduce what I tended to enjoy about a church or service, and what left me a bit uncomfortable. However, despite this I can't help but wish I took better notes along the way. It would be so nice to move to a new city and only need to consult my handy “How to Find a Church in Six Simple Steps” brochure in order to make my decision.

Although I don't actually think there is a perfect formula to choosing a church, since they are all so different (and since our needs change continually), there is still value in writing down a list of questions to ask the next time I find myself looking for a new church. Here are some of my ideas:

Does this church value Bible-teaching? Are the sermons Bible-teaching?
What other values does this church have? Do they correspond with mine?
What denomination is this church? What is their statement of faith?
Are there opportunities to be involved or volunteer? What are they?
Is the church reaching out to the community? Are there programs to help me grow as a person?
Do I know anyone here? Do the relationships in this congregation seem loving and friendly?
What levels of accountability are within the leadership structure?
Will I be comfortable enough to worship in my own way?

The next step, for me, is to decide how important each question is. Which are deal-breakers, which can I live without? Understanding upfront no church can meet all my many needs and/or wants doesn't mean I'm settling for an unhealthy church. It just means I'm accepting that a church's purpose is not about me. Its purpose is to provide a place for believers to worship together, teach God's Word, and inspire one another to live holy lives. If I can find that, I'll be OK. For me, this realization is a game-changer.

For more practical tips on finding a healthy church read this article by Insight for Living.

The Impact of One

Tue, 01 May 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Robyn Roste

A few weeks ago there was a provincial vote in Alberta and even though I don't live there I was affected by something a friend of mine posted on Facebook.

Today is election day here in Alberta and I know that many people feel their vote doesn't matter so they aren't planning to vote but think about this: globally thousands of people are literally dying for this right we so easily take for granted. In fact women in Saudi Arabia will not enjoy the right to vote until 2015. So maybe today if you can't find it in you to cast a ballot for yourself you will go and do it on behalf of someone who has yet to enjoy this privilege.

It made me really consider how much value I place on my vote, how much impact I really believe my voice makes. If I'm honest, I'm tempted to think it doesn't mean much. But the truth is, every vote counts, every voice matters, and one person really can make a difference.

Think of Queen Esther's story—we all know it. She was a beautiful young Jewish orphan whose actions inevitably preserved the destiny of her race. One person. In his sermon Strength and Dignity on Parade, Chuck Swindoll highlights six of her character traits, which prepared Esther to be used by God despite her circumstances.

Can we all be used in the same dramatic and important way? I'm not sure.

On one hand, we know God cares about every detail of this world, even the number of hairs on our head (Matt. 10:29-31), so He knows what we need and the great ways our talents and abilities can change the world. But on the other hand, it's not up to us how we are used (Isa. 55:8).

Probably some people will have the opportunity to make a significant impact on this world like Esther but I suspect for me, like most of us, my greatest works will be in the background. And I won't even know for sure if anyone notices. Am I willing to be used in both the small ways and the big? Am I content to simply know God will use me and leave the details up to Him?

For more on Esther's story download this month's free mp3 or stream this message online.

A Gift from The King

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Annalisa Brooks

I remember when I first heard the term “spiritual gifts” in a sermon. The pastor described them as the ways in which we serve God using our talents and abilities. And I thought, what is my spiritual gift?

My parents signed me up for piano lessons when I was six. And I continued to play into my teenage years, taking Royal Conservatory exams and practicing long hours. When I was asked to join a worship team at my church, I accepted, not fully understanding the significance of what I was doing. I was joining with fellow Christian musicians to worship God and encourage others to worship. And I realized my spiritual gift is serving and encouraging others in the body of Christ. The Holy Spirit uses my ability to play the piano for this purpose. Wow!

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work…just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. (1 Corinthians 12:4-6, 12)

All believers have spiritual gifts, whether you are gifted in serving, encouraging or teaching others. God has given you talents and abilities to use your spiritual gift, which is different from another's, making up the body of Christ. Maybe you haven't discovered yours but have the abilities/talents God can use. It's humbling to know God has uniquely equipped you so the Holy Spirit can do great work through you.

In an article by Bob Deffinbaugh called Spiritual Gifts, he explains it's important to know your gift since every Christian plays a role in the body of Christ. He writes, “Your spiritual gifts equip you to carry out this function.”

The church is made up of unique people with different abilities and talents and God has a place for everyone to serve. Consider how your gift might relate to your abilities. And like myself, through even a willingness to be used, you can discover what your spiritual gift is and be blessed in using it.

Taking Singleness Seriously

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Robyn Roste

For the past couple months Chuck Swindoll's series on marriage, Strike the Original Match, has been on the air. While I've enjoyed the teaching in this area one concept caught my attention in particular—marriage distracts us from our devotion to the Lord.¹

Honestly, I've never thought about marriage like this before. But I think it's accurate. While digging into 1 Corinthians 7—considered the chapter on celibacy—Chuck focuses on verse 34, which says, “…And the woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit….” When you're married, you can't focus on the Lord 24-7. You must serve the Lord, but you must also meet the needs of your spouse and family. Therefore, if your desire is to give 100 per cent to the Lord, you embrace celibacy.

There have been times I've wondered if I was “the marrying kind.” Embarrassingly it wasn't from a desire to give the Lord 100 per cent, but because it wasn't something I longed for. I was content being single, or being married, or whatever. I read somewhere this is the trend for many 20somethings—marriage is something not considered while they are busy doing other things.

Despite this trend, there is an expectation in many or most churches that people become married and have families. Which doesn't leave a lot of room for those who are single, or those choosing a life of celibacy.

Celibacy doesn't have to be a lifelong call. My first year of Bible school I had a strong sense I should not date while I was there and it was one of the most transformative years of my spiritual life. I directly correlate my choice to be celibate and focus on getting the most out of Bible school to my spiritual growth.

Those who have chosen celibacy would say it's the best way they've found for living a meaningful and committed life. I would say that it allows you to freely follow Christ, wherever He leads. What an incredible calling.

Celibacy and Other Spiritual Gifts

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Robyn Roste

In Hollywood, celibacy has been trendy ever since teen mom Bristol Palin announced to the world she would not have sex again until she was married.

And, actually, there are many celebrities practicing celibacy and preaching abstinence—for both religious and non-religious reasons. For the most part, we can connect with their stories. Some have had bad experiences, some find it empowering, and some do it as a sign of their faith and dedication to God. But what if someone was to say he is celibate because it is God's calling on his life, and his spiritual gift?

Can we connect with that?

Although the details and delegation of spiritual gifts aren't explained in great detail, the Bible is clear they exist and are given to believers by the Holy Spirit intended to edify the Body.

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 1 Corinthians 12:4-7 (NIV)

The passage goes on to highlight wisdom, knowledge, faith, healing, miracles, prophecy, discernment, tongues, and interpreting of tongues. No mention of celibacy.

And yet, both celibacy and marriage are seen as gifts from God. The Apostle Paul, who penned 1 Corinthians (and much of the New Testament), wrote of both these as gifts in chapter seven.

Perhaps it helps to keep in mind spiritual gifts aren't specific skills or talents, but a spiritual passion or urge leading to action. For some this is to remain single and not marry, so their attention can be wholly devoted to the Lord. And for others this passion develops into an urge to pray for healing at certain junctures. These are often the impulses from the Holy Spirit and we can learn to recognize and grow these passions.

Sometimes a spiritual gifts test can help you identify areas you may be specially gifted in, but another way to discover your gifts is to spend time in prayer and reflect on what you are already passionate about. If you suspect an area, go and do it more deliberately. The more you become involved in a certain aspect of ministry you will find your passion either subsides or intensifies. If it does grow, this is probably an area you're gifted in and you should continue down that path. If it does not, don't be discouraged! Continue following your passions and trying new areas of ministry until something sticks.

There are many spiritual gifts mentioned in Scripture. Here are some starting points:

1 Corinthians 7
1 Corinthians 12
Romans 8
Romans 12
Ephesians 4
1 Peter 4

Wondering How to Stay Friends with People with Kids?

Tue, 03 Apr 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Robyn Roste

I can't remember where I saw this, probably Twitter or something, but it stuck with me because it bugged me so much.

Basically the ad for the how-to blog or book quipped, “Wondering how to stay friends with people without kids?” The sentence was enough to bring up all my repressed memories of friends who have “moved on” from our friendship since “we didn't have anything in common,” once they had kids.

Clearly this attitude has bothered me. But in my self-righteous indignation I've come to realize it's not just parents who need to figure out how to be friends with me—I could be doing a lot more to meet them halfway!

Although I'm not sure I'll ever overcome my fear of infants, I'm becoming very aware that most people in the world are or will be parents and I can either stick to what I know or figure out how to love my friends whose kids are scary. And even though I don't have an opinion or thought about which stroller is trendier or know anything about the intricacies of cloth diapering, would it be so difficult to find something to say about these subjects? It doesn't really seem like something important enough to be keeping us apart.

I'm also learning many of the teaching resources out there labelled “parenting,” actually have quite a wide appeal. In fact, I think I've learned more about how to value and cherish my friendships and relationships from Chuck Swindoll's Parenting CD series than from anywhere else.

In one of his messages in the series, Increasing the Priority of Your Family, Chuck breaks down his message into three reminders and four two-word one-liners. And these instructions, I learned, don't only apply to the stereotypical family but to everyone important in your life. In our busy world with our hectic schedules it's so easy to become distracted by tasks and neglect what's really important—others. I learned an important lesson on valuing those who are in my life rather than focusing on what makes us different.

This distinction helps me find the enthusiasm to visit my friends who aren't as easy to see or visit with anymore. And it encourages me to see past the noise and the mess and the sleep-deprivation to really invest in those relationships, invest in my family.

How to Determine Values

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Robyn Roste

About a year ago I sat down with my then-boyfriend to do a values worksheet. Unsure of the point we set to cutting out a sheet with a bunch of words and ordering them by importance. The sheet was comprised of words like “family,” “faith,” “social justice,” “generosity,” “health,” etc.

After we had completed our ordering we compared our values. What we saw came as a shock—we weren't quite as alike as we thought we were. In fact, our top three values weren't even the same! The comparison led to a discussion, which turned out to be very important to our relationship.

One of the better descriptions I've heard to distinguish the difference between a value and a belief is, “I value my child. I believe my child is perfect. My value won't change, but when my child turns two my belief might.”

Something people often confuse is the difference between a value and a belief. Values are typically what motivate us into action and help us make decisions. They tend to be universal concepts, which act to unite people. Values can include concepts like fairness, justice, freedom, and equality. Beliefs, on the other hand, are more rigid and often cause divisions. Beliefs are assumptions we hold to be true—and they range from what we believe about creation to what foods we choose to eat.

So why is this important? First of all, we can't expect people to believe every single thing we believe. It is a rare circumstance to find two people who hold the exact same assumption about every single thing on earth. This is why we learn skills like compromise and conflict resolution. If we live our life expecting someone to conform to our every belief we will become frustrated and disillusioned, especially if that person is our spouse.

However, differences in values can be a deal breaker. This is where a concept like “unequally yoked” takes on significant meaning. If two people in a relationship have different core values, like one values charity and the other values accumulating wealth, there will be constant conflict. And if one values faith and the other is turned off by it…well you can see the problems there.

For my then-boyfriend and me our values worksheet was a part of our pre-engagement counselling. We talked about our experience with our counsellors and learned we needed to decide if our differences in values were deal breakers or if they were things we could respect and appreciate about each other. In our situation, we realized we could appreciate our differences and a year into our marriage I'm so thankful we went through this exercise. There have been many opportunities to see our differences playing out and be able to recognize them for what they are.