Inspiration Lasts

Patience, Faith and Emails

2012-11-29T19:06:00.000-05:00

Image courtesy of VinothChandar at Flickr.com

I started writing this blog post yesterday, and I was saying how if I want to trust my intuition and the impressions I get, I have to stop hiding my spiritual side. I tend to shy away from expressing my spirituality because of my fear of being judged and deemed crazy again.

I also started talking about the image of the group of elders that came to me when I was meditating yesterday. The elders told me that I can have everything I long for, and then they said three words; patience, faith and emails. They just spoke those three words, but that was enough, I knew what they meant.

Then, as if in confirmation, I got an email from the OT at Gage. Emails are my primary way of connecting and communicating with the world, and in order to manifest my goals, I need to have patience as well as faith.

About an hour and a half later, I meditated again, and I ended up falling asleep. I was drowned by two guys in the dream I had then. The pool that was to be my watery grave had a crocodile or an alligator in it. The men left me to my dismal fate as the croc came up to devour me. However, before he did so, he whispered "trust me." Then he took me in his jaws, and threw me out of the water. The reptile was very gentle with me when I was in his toothie embrace, and when he threw me onto the concrete beside the pool

After watching Veronica's latest video about the paradigm shift, this morning, my dream and vision makes more sense. I just looked up the animal symbolism for the crocodile, and I found out that he represents opportunities to gain new wisdom and create new things.

Moving Forward

2012-11-22T23:58:00.001-05:00

Image courtesy of adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today was a good day! I forgot how good it felt to meditate, get out of my head, and just be. I have been really anxious about trying to get published, moving out and getting my power chair fixed up so I'm able to move. However, when I meditated, all that anxiety and weight fell away. I'm going to try to remember to vacate my head more often.

Anyways, people from Gage came today, and in spite of my electric chair not getting fixed in time for them to see me use it, things worked out for the best. I am going to be getting a new chair even though I'm not really eligible for another one for a year - my OT (occupational therapist), said that there are exceptions like changes to my health which can override the five year rule. (I'm only eligible for a new wheelchair every five years.) A lot of exciting things are in the works for me in regards to moving out! I'll be getting a shower chair as well as a phone that I can actually use by myself.

The OT and the health educator who came today, reminded me that every step I take counts regardless of its size. I'm still moving forward and towards my goal. Then they said that I've come a long way, and I thought to myself, "yeah, I guess I have."

Trust

2012-11-17T00:22:00.000-05:00

I am being presented with a few really awesome opportunities and some major, "life-altering" decisions right now...well, actually there are truly only two things to decide. However, let me back up a bit, and tell you this tale properly.

This past Tuesday, I wore my "lucky" Wicked t-shirt whilst messing around online. I was chatting and whatnot when I met a guy who turned out a publisher from Lethbridge, Alberta! Not only has he made me my own site, but he has offered to help me publish Starkeeper, achieve my goals, and do some FREAKING SWEET stuff! I'm super glad and GRATEFUL to have met him, but my doubts and fears surrounding my vulnerability have been triggered. Therefore, the first thing that I am deciding to do is not be controlled by my fears. The other decision I'm making is to trust myself even when people advise me to do the opposite. I must faith that my intuition will protect me and guide me along the right paths in this publishing adventure, moving out and whatever adventures the future might bring.

Oh, and on the subject of moving out, it looks like I'll be going to Toronto after all! Everything seems to finally be falling into place.

What Will Be Will Be

2012-11-17T00:15:00.000-05:00

I agonized over the following for most of yesterday, and during the night, I came to the understanding that what will be will be. Whatever path I end up on, is where I'm supposed be.¸

The publisher that I met this week wants to find a co-writer and an illustrator to help me redo my book. I was worried about this but I was also worried about how he would react if I told him. I didn't want him to think that I'm not serious and then lose out on this amazing opportunity. However, if I didn't tell him, I wouldn't be staying honest and true to myself, and that is very important to me. If I learned anything from Glee and the other things that inspire me; is not to afraid to be me and express myself. Plus, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and what will be will be.

Seeing Beyond the Traps

2012-11-11T16:21:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, for those of you that have me on Facebook, Twitter and/or Tumblr, you might have seen my post about how no publisher or literary agency in Canada wants to take on my book. When I got that last rejection letter on Thursday, I started to shutdown. I felt lost and numb. I didn't know what else to do. It is not my story that people have problems with; it's the way I draw. However, I cannot draw any other way, I have a disability, and I'm doing the best I can. My illustrations are definitely not on the same level as the art in an Alan Moore novel, but they're not horribly primitive either. They are pretty decent, though that isn't good enough...but there it is; my Achilles' Heel. Every time I get close to achieving my goals, the notion that I'm not good enough because of my particular physical limitations entraps me, and keeps me from accomplishing what I set out to do.

This limiting belief got in the way of me modelling, acting, screenwriting, dating, moving out, and even graduating from high school. I graduated eventually, however, it was extremely tough. The mind is a very powerful thing. Our perceptions can quite literally make or break us, and since I truly believed that my CP made me less than adequate, my reality conformed to that idea. It was shaped by it, but even though I knew about manifestation/the law of attraction, I still felt powerless to change my situation. Up until Thursday, it was really very frustrating that I could only get so close to my goals, but I now see that my belief was wrong. I now see the trap that I subconsciously built for myself.

Anyways, long story short; a friend of mine helped me find a way to publish my novel without a publishing company, traditional or otherwise. A) I’m going to rent a post office box. B) I’m going to fill out a form to register myself as a publisher, so I can get my ISBN numbers. C) Then I’ll use Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing service to get my novel out there. I figure that if I publish Starkeeper as an ebook first, it still will have the chance to be successful, even if no traditional publishing house picks it up. I looked into self publishing last month, but I thought that it wasn’t for me because there are parts that I can’t do on my own. However, my friend said she would help me.

Making my graphic novel has really been a journey, and has reminded me that there are always ways to achieve our goals. We just have to learn to see beyond the traps we build for ourselves.

Turkeys and Technology

2012-10-22T15:30:00.000-04:00

Hey guys,

As you may or may not know, I've been super super busy working on my graphic novel, and trying to have it published. It's kinda overwhelming.

Now, however, I'd like to take a few minutes to tell you about Cara, a fellow Tumblr blogger and a really awesome. :)

Most of you know how I like to connect with people and help empower them when I can, right? Well, Cara is doing exactly that!! She's helping to raise $3000 in order to provide turkeys for impoverished families this Thanksgiving. So, please watch her video if you'd like to donate or find out more!

I would LOVE to donate, but unfortunately, I don't currently have any way of making online payments. Similarly, if you would like to support what Cara's doing, and you're not able to do so financially, please share this, and help spread the word!

Thanks, and much love.

André

P.S. I'm intending to blog again soon. :) I've just been quite focused on getting my novel published.

P.P.S. Click here, and visit Cara's blog for further info and updates!

Fearlessness

2012-07-25T18:13:00.000-04:00

To me, fearlessness means being afraid, and not letting your fears stop you from achieving your goals.

Two of my major goals right now are to live independently in Toronto, and improve my self worth. Last week went quite well, the only unpleasant thing that happened was when one of my support workers kept refusing to do what I asked of her. This has been an ongoing issue with this particular person, but I haven't really spoken to anyone about it except to her and family. I didn't want to hurt her, nor having her mad at me. However, last week was the straw that broke the camel's back. I had enough, so I emailed my supervisor, and she came by today to talk about it. My support worker has been better this week, and I really don't like creating waves or making people angry, therefore I wanted to let it slide. Plus, I don't want my worker to think that I'm suddenly unappreciative of her. I feel very nauseous and anxious because of all this. However, I want to achieve my goals, so I an not going to let my fears stop me from standing up for myself.

I have to be comfortable with advocating for myself, especially if I want to move out. So in the end, and in spite of my anxiety, I feel that I've made the right decision.

The Making: Part II: Zombified

2012-07-17T14:57:00.001-04:00

Hey, I'm sorry that part two is so late, I've been feeling rather zombified. My new meds are killer! They make me drowsy, and it's hard to focus on anything.

But anyway, I went out for a few hours on Friday. I saw and reconnected with some friends of mine. It was nice. I haven't seen them in two-and-a-half years, however, it felt right. They have a store that is spiritual in nature, so whether the rightness was born from that or from being around people who genuinely care about me, I don't know. ..Now that I think about it, it's probably a bit of both.
On another note, having the house to myself is showing me that I definitely want to try living on my own. Be it at Gage or somewhere else, I think that I can handle it. I mean, it'll be an adjustment, but what isn't?

The Making: Part I: A Very Interesting Adventure

2012-07-13T08:30:00.000-04:00

I started writing the following post last night, but I passed out before I could finish.

So, this is the first night that I am home alone. My family has left me to run off to Italy. I would've loved to go with them, however, I see this an opportunity to find out what I'm made of. This is the beginning of a very interesting adventure!

I've never been on my own before, so the next eight days are going to be rather intriguing! I was really nauseous earlier, but I'm okay now. My friend Norma said it was my anxiety, but I was more drained then anything. I took the new pills that the doctor prescribed for me. They seemed to help a whole lot, but they are making me drowsy, and I'm finding it hard to concetrate, so I'm gonna go. Night all!!

Hey everyone, to let you all know, I have just updated and added links to my About My Novel page.

2012-06-19T18:37:00.000-04:00

One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

2012-06-01T03:19:00.001-04:00

So, for awhile now, people (my parents and OTs) have wanted me to get a hospital bed, and I've always refused. I don't want a hospital bed because it'd make me feel more disabled than I already am. I feel like it would affirm that I will never be able to achieve my goals. I would just be stuck in bed forever, and never have the life I want - the life that I'm working hard to get to. It seems like every time that I get closer to succeeding in living my dream life, something happens to negate the progress I make.

I feel like I'm taking one step forward but then two steps back. This is extremely frustrating, and it's why I was so mad when I was forced into "trying" the hospital bed that I am presently using. Then on Wednesday, my parents said that they are going to buy me my own hospital bed, which just made me even more pissed off because I really do not want one, plus it isn't me choosing to get the bed. However, I've decided not to fight with my mum and dad over the hospital bed anymore. I realized that a bed won't determine my success, nor will the letter that I got yesterday from the Centre for Independent Living in Toronto which said that they have taken me off their waiting list. I determine whether or not I'll succeed. It is up to me, and what I believe is possible for me.

The Plan

2012-05-08T08:45:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, so here's my plan: I figure if I can finish one page a week, then I'll be able to release a FREE preview of Starkeeper prior to publication, for y'all in about a month. This seems doable, especially since I finished the first page last night! Stay tuned my friends because this graphic novel is going to happen! It is happening. ;)

Almost Hopeless

2012-04-30T12:24:00.001-04:00

A lot has happened since my last post, but nothing too exciting. I was kind of depressed for awhile, (and I'm still somewhat depressed.) It seems that every time I try to make something of myself, it doesn't work out - it's short-lived and all that. However, it seems that I encounter more obstacles, as I get older.

I had hoped to graduate high school and then be well on my way to having the life I desire. I wanted to write, model and act, and make enough money to be able get off ODSP and support myself. I planned to move to Toronto, make friends that I could actually hang out with, then hopefully be in a loving and lasting relationship. I still really want to achieve these goals, but right now at least, my dreams seem almost hopeless. I have no idea how I'm going to achieve them.

Apparently, I am no longer applicable for the Gage apartments in Toronto because I can't sit for really long time without getting uber sore and vomiting. The Gage's admissions team's second reason why I'm not applicable is that I'll become a shut-in because I do not live in Toronto, I don't have friends in the city and won't have things to do which is not true at all. There's a surgery that will keep me from vomiting, so after I have it, I am going to appeal their decision.

As for my graphic novel, some of you know, I've decided not to work with the artist due to financial reasons. My dad said that he'll illustrate my book, and although he is reliable and a great artist, I'm unsure that he will be able to spend much time and energy on my novel. So it falls to me, which I guess was always inevitable. I am the only one who can make my life better. Furthermore, I mustn't just hope and pray for success. I have to act upon something that I can actually do. I can do the art with Inkscape and Gimp, so that is where I will start.

How to Save a Life

2012-03-18T14:42:00.000-04:00

I spent a lot of Friday crying - I've had a ton on my mind lately. Thursday, I found out that my friend Aisha had died, and two of my other friends aren't exactly at their pinnacles of health either. I'm also stressing out over my book because I still don't know how I can get enough money to hire the artist who has agreed to work with me. My dad said that he'll do the art for me, but honestly, he doesn't really have the time. My mum said that I have enough money right now to hire that artist. However, there are two problems with this. A) I don't want to start working with Kevin and find out halfway through that I actually don't enough to pay him. B) I can't afford to pay Kevin if I want to move to Toronto on my own, which I also really want. So, I do not know what to do! How can I do both? Ugh!

Getting Starkeeper published is so important to me - I know I have said this a lot, but it's true! I do not want my novel to become one of my many failed projects that go nowhere. Plus, bullying is a problem, and I want to do something to speak out against it, you know? and I can with my book.

Aisha didn't take her life and neither did my friend Scott, however, I knew people who killed themselves. I wish I could've help through whatever they were going through. Like the lyric in The Fray's “How to Save a Life” that goes: "And I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life." Now, I’m not saying that Starkeeper will eradicate bullying, solve all of the world’s problems and save thousands of lives. However, if my graphic novel can make a difference in someone’s life (even if it’s small), then I have to try and do EVERYTHING I can to get my book published.

Lastly, I watched a movie called Cyberbully on Friday that I want to share with you all. I think it has a really good message.

Trying to Make the Impossible, Possible

2012-03-09T10:39:00.000-05:00

Before I was certain of how much it would cost to hire the comic artist, I had a dream. I dreamt that for my dad's birthday, my mum bought him stuff from an electrician store. She bought me a circuit board with incandescent light bulbs attached to it at the same time. She told me that its objective was for me to turn the lights on and off with my mind.

"Just like in Fringe!" I announced.

Mum figured that this would be very hard for me to do, so then I thought to myself that it'd be hard, but not impossible.

I think the point of this dream is to say, "hey, getting the money you need may be hard, but it isn't impossible." Also, perseverance seems to be a common theme in my dreams lately.

Starkeeper is very important to me, and I truly believe the quote in the picture. ==>
One way or another, I will get the money and the resources to make Starkeeper a success!

Dreams: Change IS Possible

2012-03-08T00:07:00.001-05:00

Ever since I was little, I believed in the possibility of a better world - a sort of Utopia. I looked up to people like Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Buddha, the 14th Dalai Lama and Jesus. I thought if they changed their worlds, why can't we change ours? However, as I got older, and began to the inevitable hardships of life, my belief was clouded over and got pushed into the back of my mind.

Until quite recently, I thought that until catastrophic happened on a global scale, or until some enlightened figure would step into the public eye, people wouldn't want to ban together. Though, as it turns out, I was wrong. A better world is possible now - change is possible now.

KONY 2012

Kony 2012 is a documentary and campaign focused on bringing awareness to the child soldiers in Uganda, and Joseph Kony (the man responsible for them) to justice. www.invisiblechildren.com

Bully Movie (2012)

Bully is a documentary that chronicles the lives of young, bullied, American students and their families. thebullyproject.com

The It Gets Better Project

The It Gets Better Project was started by Dan Savage for LGBTQ youth, in response to strings of suicides due to all the homophobic bullying. www.itgetsbetter.org

These three videos are just a few examples of how everyday people are changing the world. This proves that we (the everyday person) can change our lives.

Bullying, and the Importance of Starkeeper and Living your Dreams

2012-03-07T02:32:00.002-05:00

Today, I want to talk about bullying, and the importance of Starkeeper (my graphic novel) and living your dreams. Bullying is a real problem and one that I feel quite strongly about! This isn’t just because I have experienced it and continue to, but because millions of people experience it every day. According to a statistic released in 2010, there are about 2.7 million students being bullied each year. In response to this, I have heard many say, “high school sucks, but you’ll get through it,” or “people are mean to each other, but what can ya do?” I feel like the people who make comments akin to these, are dismissing this issue without giving it much credence.

Saturday night, I was chatting online when someone came on, and told me that I was going to be a lonely old guy because no one will want me. This didn’t hurt me, it just made me FURIOUS because it was bullying. It was cyber bullying, and NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO BULLY, PUT ME OR ANYONE ELSE DOWN AND TAKE AWAY OUR HAPPINESS.

People commit suicide because they see it as their only escape from their bullies. I have been there, but I am glad that I’m still here because now I have the chance to make my dreams come true. If I had gave in to all the naysayers and bullies I encountered, or if I ever do, I would be effectively letting them squash my dreams. No one has the right to stomp out anyone's dreams. Therefore, I vowed never up on mine, and this is one of the reasons that it is so important to me that I get my graphic novel published.

Being published will help me create the life I want. It'll also prove to me and everyone else that I can do anything. However, another BIG reason is that Starkeeper is my it gets better message to people. I want to show people that perseverance pays off and dreams can come true.

Life can get better, but we have to make it better, and it's a process that might not happen over night. Also, we believe that we are worthy enough to have better lives

I want to say one more thing before I call it a night; if anyone wants to talk, I'm here for you. You can get a hold of me through Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or email me at andreonwheels@gmail.com.

Take care.

Powerful or Pitiful?

2012-03-02T22:02:00.001-05:00

So, I just watched Veronica's latest video, and wanted to share it. The story that she shares really resonates with me. I empathize with the woman (albeit on a different level) because I also don't like, need or want people's pity.

Makes Me Wanna Scream - I Want Freedom!

2012-03-02T18:18:00.000-05:00

AAHHHHH! I'm so SICK of lying in bed all the freaking time, which it makes me wanna scream. It's extremely boring and unproductive, however, everything I tried to do, i.e. screenwriting, acting, modeling and internet marketing was short-lived. Even having an in-store job didn't work out. I am not saying I'm giving up on my dreams but for now, I have decided to become a book reviewer but no one is hiring, so I don't know. Bleh!

My theory was to start making money so I would be able to hire someone to take me places, and by writing reviews I'd gain exposure as well as credentials that could help me publish my book.

I so wanna scream and break through every obstacle that's in my way! You know those opera singers who can shatter glass with the power of their voices? That is similar to what I want to do. Don't you wish your problems can be solved by something as simple as a scream? However, life isn't that easy, thus it looks like my only viable option (for now, at least) is to go back to original plan of putting myself out there.

"Putting myself out there" involves internet marketing, but I stopped marketing because it got to be pretty overwhelming, and I could not afford the various fees that went with it. Furthermore, I don't own a credit card, and wouldn't be able to afford to throw money at stuff that was not fully reliable even if I did. Though, I'm still going to try to find ways to promote myself online, without needing products and services that I can't pay for.

Finding My Niche

2012-02-28T13:19:00.000-05:00

Two nights ago, I had a dream wherein I was new friends with Lea Michele. She had meet, and work with her publicist; a tall, black man. My two new acquaintances were dedicated to helping me discover my niche; what I'm best at. Lea's publicist got me three auditions. I don't remember the first one, though the second was at a swimming pool. I told Lea that because of my disability, I needed to help me swim. So, I went to a basketball court for my third audition, and played ball. Then Lea performed in a play at the high school I used to attend.

I remember feeling a lot better about my third audition simply because I was fairly good at basketball. So, I think that the message in this dream is to persevere, due to the fact that I still have untapped potential, and that I don't feel like I've found my niche yet. Furthermore, there are many things that I won't do well at, but there are an equal number of activities I will excel at. It's just a matter of finding them, and then narrowing my focus.

I dreamt of Gaga

2012-02-21T23:30:00.000-05:00

Last night, I had a dream that I was having a conversation with Lady Gaga. I don't remember a lot of my dream, though we were talking about my life and I felt quite at ease. I told her that I loved her & that she inspired me. I also remember telling Gaga that she and Glee helped me through so much, especially with Born This Way.

I'm not a religious person and I struggle with my self esteem, however, I think that I'm being told that I am on the track. I also think that this dream reflects my desire for true friends.

Leaps of Faith

2012-02-20T23:30:00.000-05:00

This morning, a friend of mine reminded me that sometimes you just have to take leaps of faith. Jomo has decided move to Southern Florida with no idea of how he can afford it. Like me, he's unhappy with his current situation and wants to get out from his parents' wings. Though, despite his present challenges, I think that it is really inspiring how he's still so passionate and enthusiastic about his goals.

Many, many times, I have wanted to give up on my dreams and aspirations, however, Jomo and others like him that helped me push through my difficulties.

I am grateful that I haven't quit trying to achieve my goals because as long as I'm trying, I am moving forward. Now, this is not to say that I have everything planned out, as the logistics of my ventures are presently unknown which is rather daunting to me at the moment. However, if I just lie here in bed and try to block out my emotions like I'm sometimes tempted to do, then I may never get my novel published, or live the life I want.

Life isn't meant to be stagnant. We are either progressing toward achieving our goals or we're not. This is why Jomo and I are putting ourselves out there and asking for help.

If you are interested in learning more about Jomo or myself, or if you are able to help either of us, then please don't hesitate to do so.

Thanks!

Here's What's Up: Graphic Novel Artist Wanted!

2012-02-17T14:00:00.000-05:00

Here's what's up..I can either buy Adobe CS5 and do the art for my graphic novel myself, or go to live at Gage. I can't afford to do both, even though I REALLY want to!

So, I'm going to look for an artist again. I've tried to before but I didn't have much success; I do not totally know where or how to look to get the best results, plus, I haven't had a lot of luck working with people.

I want to collaborate with someone who is passionate, dependable, hard-working and as dedicated to my novel as I am.

So, if anyone has any suggestions, or knows of someone who can help me, PLEASE PLEASE get a hold of me!

Thanks!

Butt-kicking Dreams

2012-01-16T01:52:00.000-05:00

Image found on Tumblr

I have had three dreams so far this month that kicked my butt and told me to get my act together, thus I'd better listen. The first two dreams were about me making genuine friendships with the Glee cast after my book was published and part of the It Gets Better project.

In my first dream, I spent a whole weekend with my new friends. On the Saturday, I got to perform with the cast, then we just talked for a long time afterwards. They wanted to get to know me, so I told them about myself and what their show meant (and means) to me.

Cory and Dianna said that I was an amazing person, and to email them when I wanted someone to talk to. Then Amber suggested we'd go to an amusement park and out for dinner the next day.

In my second dream, Chris and I were hanging out at my house. Finally, in last night's butt-kicking dream, I was graduating from the Hero Academy, and was getting ready to go dance with a boy. During the grad ceremony, Peanut, the-highest-scoring-dog-sidekick chose me as his "partner in crime."

I think that these three dreams are trying to tell me that in order for me to become the person I want, I must let go of my feeling of inferiority. I also think that I should do whatever it takes to keep feeling good about myself.

Hangin' with Harry

2011-11-28T00:16:00.001-05:00

"Growing Up Potter" meant I got to go to dances,go shopping, play a freaking cool sport and learn some awesome spells. But do you know what the best part was? I got to do all of this while hanging out with my friends, and it didn't even matter that I couldn't walk. I had entered into a world where anything was possible. Rowling created a world where kids like me could experience the magick in life, and feel like we belonged.

I am very grateful that I stumbled upon the "Growing Up Potter" article by Emily Asher-Perrin because it reminded me of how I felt when I read/listened to the books. It is a really great feeling - it's one that evokes warmth, hope, and excitement for the world. It's a very empowering feeling that I hope to share through my upcoming book series, and in the other work that I'll do.

I've spent the majority of the past week in "lock down" because I was trying to finish my book. I took a hiatus from the social web, and I managed to start and complete draft 6 of the first book. I'm pretty happy with it, so there won't be another draft. YAY! Now I am going to see about finding an agent and a publisher, however, I'll look into that after I get some sleep.