Get up Stand up returns after it’s Summer Break for our 1st Birthday Special and what a line up we have. Including Joel Dommett, Catie Wilkins, Pat Burtscher and Luke McQueen headlining. Lloyd Griffith is also back with us MCing the the night away.

Be quick and reserve your tickets now – The best night out you can have for £4.

Hello lovely people

We just thought we’d let you know that Get up Stand up will be taking a temporary break over the summer. So please go out, drink and be merry while the glorious(ish) weather holds.

Please don’t fear, however, as we will be back on Friday 3 September 2010 for our “Oneth Birthday Celebrations”. We already have a stellar line up for you so please mark it in your diaries.

Ta la for now and see you in September

Interestment Comedy xxx

Tickets are priced at just £4 and can be reserved by contacting us stating how many you’d like. Tickets will then be available for collection on the night from 7.30pm (from the booking table at the bottom of the stairs). Ensure you collect your tickets before 8.30pm. Please bring your email confirmation as proof of purchase.

We’re constantly surprised and flattered here at Interestment by how incredibly supportive, loyal and friendly our audience members are and March’s edition of Get Up Stand Up was no different.  Guys, you make our night.

After cramming the upstairs of the Bread and Roses to its capacity, an eager and excited crowd waited with baited breath as our comedians took to the stage. First came Fraser Millward, previewing his alter ego as a jobsworth traffic policemen . Was it a character or was it real? We still don’t know.  Funny either way, we say.

Anthea Neagle followed with chirpy tales of slutty dresses which her mum bought for her and eczema.  Two things you thought you’d never hear in the same five minutes. Then our very own Hannah Isherwood tickled our ribs with her trademark dark and unnerving but awesomely hilarious tales of AIDS, racism and incest. We love it.

A slightly bruised and battered Mr Jeff Leach (off of Big Brothers Big Mouth, don’t you know?) wowed the girls with some rather saucy sex talk (much to resident MC Lloyd’s chagrin, see further below).  Closing the first half was star of Skins, Joel Dommett, providing us with a high-octane account of why he should have gone to see the Lion King.  Mark our words, Mr Dommett’s comedy star is rising very quickly.

After the break, morose beauty Rachel Stubbings raised the laugh level giving us a personal insight into her strengths and weaknesses and is the only comic we know that can make jokes about clouds funny.  Interestment regular Joe Wilkinson premiered some new bits with his usual flair and aplomb –  when is that man ever not funny? Then, another Interestment favourite, Tim Shishodia, brought his unique brand of surreal genius to the stage. A fine set up for the headliner, Comedy Store regular and Radio 4 writer, Mr William Andrews, who stormed it like no other with his melange of government sponsored humour, musical commentary and knock-out one liners.

All in all March was a massive success.  A big thank you to the audience, acts and our fantastic MC Lloyd Griffith. Lloydie you are the glue that binds us. You are not a sex pest. Next night, 9 April 2010. Get reserving people.

Photos by Petra Exton

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There was a time when all famous people were really attractive, and you’d probably go out with absolutely all of them given half a chance. They had great lives, a relaxed charm, perfect bodies.

And then, unfortunately, somewhere in the middle of it all, over-exposure set in, cracks started to appear, and now some of these wealthy beautiful people seem rather unappealing as a “better half”. Based on what we’ve seen in the media, here are ten celebrities that we definitely wouldn’t go out with, with some very grand, fleeting and totally presumed reasons why not…

(Can you think of any others? Let us know with a comment…)

Geri Halliwell

Bless her, Geri Halliwell isn’t the shiniest spanner in the tool box. In fact, she comes across as exactly the kind of person who likes to say what she sees. So, when you’re silently tucking into a plate of eggs after a hard night on the grog, she’d probably pipe in with “oh, eating eggs”, before looking out of the window, and explaining how there’s a tall tree on the other side of the road, or how a man just ran past, probably jogging or something. Fast forward two hours, and she’ll still be making inane comments – this time about how all of her belongings appear to flying onto the pavement from upstairs.

Britney Spears

Something about her fragile mental state suggests that you’d spend the majority of your day comforting Britney Spears, and telling her that everything is going to be fine. She needn’t be so edgy. She would probably be at her most hyper-sensitive on meeting your friends for the first time, during a casual Friday evening get together in a local pub. She’s a pretty girl, they’d probably all agree, but why did she keep bursting into tears?

Jude Law

Why would anyone want to go out with Jude Law? Yes, he’s got the matinee idol looks, and probably a few massive chunks of cash sitting in various bank accounts. But he also has the look of a man who would spend the build up to your love making staring at his own naked body in the mirror, whispering compliments to himself, then afterwards, he’d probably be expecting a thank you. Well, no thanks Jude. No thanks.

JLS

Now that they’re out of the X Factor, JLS are making sure that the blistering spotlight of fame stays on them for as long as possible. Hence why they’re turning up at every celebrity event going, dressed in matching outfits, never without the other three members, standing in the usual formation – tall ones in the middle, little ones either side. Going out with any of them would present two major problems. 1. You’d probably have to do it with all of them in the room. And 2. Once the spotlight fades, you might find yourself relegated to the Gaffney/Bowers axis of sophistication at Faces nightclub in Essex. Not worth the risk, quite frankly.

Lindsay Lohan

If her Dad’s rather morbid predictions are anything to go by, Lohan won’t be around for much longer. But unwanted premature grieving processes aside, she’d still make for a rather unsatisfactory g-friend. It’d be the sneery put downs and the demands for around-the-clock attention that finally break the camel’s back. This is, of course, all built on the presumption that she’d be a right little madam. Call it a sixth sense. Plus, you’d probably need to be a lesbian to really toast her onions anyway.

Robbie Williams

The problem with Robbie is that he’d make for great company, but a hunch says that he’d then spend the rest of the night and well into the next day discussing how people might have felt about him – on a deep level. Did they find him annoying? Why did the blonde girl not say goodbye properly? Had he offended her somehow? At first, this sensitivity would seem sweet and even a little bit charming, but after the umpteenth evening of lying in a bed desperate for intercourse, but only getting a paranoid dissection of the days events, you’d have most probably had enough of it.

Lady GaGa

To counteract the preposterous outfits, you’d have to make every single outing or event “fancy dress” if you were going out with Lady GaGa. Your pals might enjoy this for a short while, but by the seventh “fancy dress” party in just three weeks, they might rebel, and then they’d see exactly what it was that you were attempting to mask from their judgmental eyes. Your girlfriend dresses like a total cock. Oh, the shame!

Tom Cruise

Now, we’re not going to mention Tom Cruise’s religious beliefs – these are modern times. If a man wants to assume that most of the human race is secretly aliens pretending to be people, then that’s his choice. Fair play. No, we’d struggle to go out with Tom Cruise mainly because of the passive-aggressive smiles, and the forced laughter. Place the actor in a dinner party scenario, and after the second time he’s given an over-the-top evaluation about how good a prawn cocktail was, you’d just want to punch him in the face.

Pete Doherty

Pete’s issues with hard drugs would be a bit of a chore if he was your boyfriend. You want to go out for a dance with the girls, he’s slumped over a mattress wearing just his pants. That’s another night in, then. Of course, he’d be full of tender kisses and mumbled apologies the following day, none of which would be remotely helped by the fact that he wrote you a weird poem in his own blood at 3am, then woke you up to show you by holding your nose until you leapt up in bed, and completely freaked out.

Jennifer Aniston

For everything that is demure and beautiful about Jennifer Anniston, there is an underlying suspicion that she’d declare her love for you on about Date Three, then continue declaring it on a daily basis, always making sure that you say “I love you” back, for the rest of the three weeks that you can bear it. Chances are that the relationship would hit crisis mode the minute you absent-mindedly forget to put an “x” on a text, because you’re at work, the boss is all up in your grill, and your stomach is dying for food. Cue hysterical tears, a slammed down phone, and a promise on your part to stick to “normals” from now on.

High school looks so brilliant, with its jocks, its nerds, its cheerleaders. Nothing like school back in Blighty, where the only thing that defines different clans is the size of the knot in their school ties. Where’s the extravagance? Where are the road trips? Why can’t we have big brass bands playing music during kick-abouts?

The only inner journey of note for an English schoolboy is the grueling bus home, which holds the constant threat of suddenly disappearing under a dust cloud of rampant ASBO fists. Yeah, man, school in England sucks. American high school rocks! Hence, as an homage to our friends across the pond, here are the greatest ten films about their education system…

Heathers

Unless you were the enemy, you’ll remember that horrible shrinking feeling of being not quite as great looking, or wealthy, or stylish as some of the other kids at school. In your defense, you were also therefore much less of a total bastard/bitch. And look at them now, driving around in their cars, with their brilliant jobs, their four holidays and year, and their beautiful wives/husbands. Yeah, unfortunately, real life does little to halt these berks in their stratospheric rise to the top of the food chain. Hence why movies like Heathers are still such a delightful treat. Christian Slater does his finest Jack Nicholson impersonation, as he and Winona Ryder decide to take out some of the more loathsome characters at school. Devilish stuff.

Dazed and Confuzed

Over in the UK, the last day of school is a rather flaccid affair. The brave ones might tell a couple of teachers to get knotted, while the rest of us silently shake hands, and retreat home to drink five ciders and weep into a pillow. It’s rather less than extravagant. Unlike over in America, where those cats go wild! Dazed and Confused chronicles the last day of school in the Summer of 1976, which basically means that everyone is driving around, getting a little bit toasted on the good stuff, attempting to find a good spot to party. Cue big barrels of brewski, a tearful fight, and plenty of rampant snogging, US style.

The Breakfast Club

Quite probably John Hughes’ finest hour and a half, The Breakfast Club finds Emilio Estevez, Anthony Michael Hall, and Judd Nelson all career peaking, whilst Molly Ringwald puts in the second finest performance of her career. It’s the story of a geek, a twit, a prom thing, a doofus, a goth, a hippy, a dimwit, a douche bag, a moron, a stupid face, a nomark, a male model, a twunt, and a numb-nuts all sitting around through a long Saturday detention, attempting to figure out how they will ever get along. In the end, of course, they come together and rally against the common enemy – teachers! Sticking it to the man has never felt so magnificent.

Fame

Don’t be fooled by the sparkle of the television series that followed, the original movie of Fame was pretty gritty. Yes, there were moments when these impressionable young singers and dancers broke out into routines – at one point famously taking things to the streets. But the undercurrent of the whole thing is bleak. They deal with abortion, near-rape experiences, drugs, a flame-haired young man with confusing sexuality issues. It’s like a late night episode of Hollyoaks turned up to 11, with DANCING. A brilliant, brilliant film.

American Pie

One of the classic high school jaunts, American Pie rises above the Porky’s, thanks to it being considerably funnier. Both films find a gaggle of high schoolers trying to get laid, but American Pie tackles the whole thing with a touch of tenderness and sophistication. Seriously. That said, along the way, there are scenes of accidental male sperm ingestion, a brutal sexual assault on an apple pie, and the term MILF is coined for public consumption. Stand out characters include Eugene Levy as Jim’s dad, the rather sophisticated Paul Finch, and The Shermanator.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

The second of three John Hughes films to make the top ten, this chronicles a remarkably well-planned skive from school, which results in art galleries, carnivals, and a mangled car. It also features Baby from Dirty Dancing playing out of character as a total bitch. Mathew Broderick was never this good again, and days playing truant were never this good – a more realistic take on things would have found Ferris sitting in front of a Kyle and Trisha double bill, before spending the entire afternoon rifling through his own underpants. It also has the added bonus of Mia Sara, one of our many forgotten beauties.

Superbad

And again, the story of a small group of high school students on the quest for sex. Like American Pie, the key difference here is that it’s funny and tender in equal measure. Above relationships with girls, it focusses on the tender bromance between two best friends, as has become the staple in Judd Apatow movies. Plus it has a little more in the canon, in the form of McLovin – the geeky sideshow character, who gets to ride with the police – and it boasts a surprisingly excellent soundtrack. George Michael from Arrested Development is particularly good in it as well.

Pretty In Pink

Ringwald’s tour du force. She plays a poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks, who has to make do with crafting her own wardrobe from old curtains and bits of scrap metal, falling in love with a socialite called Blane – played by the hamster-cheeked Andrew McCarthy. Cue a Romeo and Juliet-like tale of love against the odds, as Blane’s sneering rich kid buddies repeatedly refer to her in dustbin terms, sometimes even to her face! All the while her wacky best male friend is attempting to do a botched-up wooing job of his own, but with little success. As well as Ringwald, James Spader plays a blinder as a smooth talking feathery-haired toff called Steff.

Peggy Sue Got Married

Make no mistake about it, we are enormous Kathleen Turner fans, and this is by far her best time traveling high school film – so good that it just managed to keep Back To The Future out of the top ten. Turner plays Peggy Sue, a bitter soon-to-be divorcee who passes out at a high school reunion, and ends up back in time at high school. There, she decides to relive her younger years, only this time, she’s going to get things right. She dates a pretentious beatnik, makes friends with some nerdy bloke, and then ends up getting together with the bastard she was about to divorce anyway. From the director of The Godfather.

Election

It was always going to be a very close battle for the final spot on the list, and Election just ousted Grease, Napolean Dynamite, Rushmore, and Scream at the very last minute. Reese Witherspoon is a politician in the making, running for High School President, whilst Matthew Broderick has gone from Bueller to teacher. It’s a rather weird, quirky film, and Witherspoon, despite her Oscar a few years later, gives the performance of her career so far. A deserving, and rather appropriate, number 10.

We’re not going to lie, we’re terrified of cool people. We try not to be. But we are. We haven’t got a clue what to say to them – what do these people talk about? Drugs? German cinema? Grunge music? We just don’t know. We’ve tried to find out, and years – not months, years – have been wasted dragging our way around the hippest areas of East London attempting to decipher exactly which gene we were cruelly shorn of during the most formative period of our lives. Hence, we have long since been resigned to the fact that we shall never climb to those dizzying heights of coolness, partly because our bodies weren’t invented for skinny jeans, but also because – honestly – we actually feel quite at home shopping in H&M. So with that in mind, here are ten celebrities who we would be terrified to bump into at a party…

Alexa Chung and Alex Turner

If being hip was measured in the same way as actual temperature, then these two would be sizzling hot. Definitely over 100 degrees centigrade. Or, if we’re using a “coolness” scale, they’d be icy cold, like snow, or a Mister Freeze that’s been sitting at the bottom of a newsagents’ cool box since around 1997. She’s a bit posh and sparrow-like, he is a gentleman unafraid to wear a fringe, known for his biting observations about society. Put us on their table at a wedding, and we promise you a totally self-conscious silence. And probably some fidgeting.

Mark Ronson

With his mid-Atlantic style of speaking, and those suits designed for guys who have yet to develop a bulbous protrusion about their midriff, Mark Ronson cuts quite a stark, terrifying figure. Were you stranded in a corner with him at a cocktail party, you’d have to get used to his first-name-only references to famous people very quickly indeed. Again, total silence would be the best option, unless you’ve had a few, in which case, feel free to regale him about the time you saw “Harry” at an airport. As in Harry Enfield.

Noel Fielding

Comedy fans will already be well aware of Noel Fielding – he’s one half of the once-mighty-ish Mighty Boosh. He likes to skip normal conversation altogether, much preferring to talk in absurdities, whilst simultaneously baffling you with his other-worldly sense of fashion. Try and keep up if you can, but if you find yourself tremoring beneath your winter jumper from The Gap, clumsily attempting to make a surreal quip about a pipe-smoking frog on a motorbike, it might be time to leave the party. You’ve been overawed by Fielding.

Sadie Frost

Sadie Frost is the scary lady on the right in the above picture. The one who appears non-plussed that everyone can see exactly how she chooses to decorate her undercarriage. It’s exactly that sense of daring that makes her such a worrying prospect in a dinner party scenario. Her reaction to you will probably fall into three different possibilities. 1. She’ll blank you, because you’re not very cool looking. 2. She’ll humiliate you, because you’re not very cool looking. Or 3. She’ll fancy you because she thinks that you’re being ironic. We’ll be honest with you, 3 is not a likely option. In fact, it’s not even the third most likely option. The third one is that she wouldn’t even see you.

Scarlett Johansson

Something about her husky American drawl suggests that Scarlett Johansson enjoys talking about niche subjects, like art galleries, or some intimate acoustic gig that she recently went to in a really grotty, not-known-to-the-likes-of-you bar/bistro in “the village” – by which she probably isn’t referring to a small town in Yorkshire. Realistically, were you to find yourself side-by-side with Johansson at a hot spicy wine party during the run up to Christmas, you’d be better off immediately making your apologies, grabbing your coat, and hotfooting it the hell out of there. Everything you say will just bore her. Everything. No offense.

Nick Grimshaw

Now, we’re not entirely sure how we know who Nick Grimshaw is. We’re just aware of him, because we’ve heard his name a lot, and we once saw him on a television programme on BBC2, where he shouted cool slogans into a camera, then introduced a band. He seems like the kind of guy who could destroy you on the “party circuit” if you accidentally name-dropped the wrong singer/songwriter. Hence why, were we to come face-to-face with him at a fancy dress party on a boat, we’d be overboard within seconds. Possibly crying our eyes out.

Karen O

No, we’re not entirely sure who Karen O is either. That’s what makes her so completely terrifying. The word on the street is that she’s in a band called the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and if you haven’t heard of them, or can’t sing along to any of their records, then welcome – you’re about as completely out of touch with cool stuff as we are. All we know for sure is that if we were having a light evening get together, and Karen O decided to turn up, we’d be far too embarrassed to discuss what happened on the X Factor this week. For that reason alone, she makes the list.

Natasha Khan

Natasha is the lead singer in Bat for Lashes. Or she actually is Bat for Lashes. We don’t know. No one does. All we do know is that if we were enjoying an outdoor drink in a local pub, and Natasha appeared, we’d be completely stumped as what to say next. Should we regale her with an anti-climactic story about how we once considered having a tatt done? Should we explain world issues using animal metaphors? Or should we stare silently into our pints, enduring the inner turmoil of a horrendous panic attack because a celebrity just turned up looking really cool, and we have no idea what to say? We probably all know the answer to that one.

Pixie Geldof

With the courage of youth on her side, a hunch suggests that Pixie Geldof – sister to the professional magazine editor, Peaches – would have no trouble in openly mocking your curious decision to team up a pair of unskinny jeans with a plain polo shirt. What are you? Boring or something? You stupid square idiot! Plus, she’s possibly the kind of trouble maker who might bring a little bag of weed to a simple Sunday lunch, which would inevitably result in everyone having a puff so as to maintain face, before completely spinning out during pudding.

Carl Barat

He’s not the most cheerful looking character, that Carl Barat. This might be due to his on/off bromance with Pete Doherty really putting the kibosh on his career trajectory. Or it could be that he’s just cool like that, and doesn’t do smiling. We’re not sure. Even so, we’d be last in the queue for a meet-and-greet if he decided to do an impromptu appearance at a good friend’s fireworks party, because nothing punches a man harder in the groin than a friendly question met with a dour shrug, and a half-hearted answer. He looks like he wouldn’t care for you and your stupid enquiries. Plus, all the girls would probably think he’s really hot, and that just rubs salt and Haribo Tangfastics into the metaphorical weeping mouth ulcer caused by his alarming disinterest in everything about you. Thanks a lot, Carl.