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Biracial America by the numbers

2008-07-09T02:35:00.000-07:00

A look at interracial America by the numbers:

MARRIAGE: Since 1970 the number of interracial marriages has soared more than sevenfold. In 1970 about 310,000 couples were interracial, less than 1 percent of all marriages. In 2006 the number grew to 2.3 million couples, or 3.8 percent of all marriages.

RACE: In 2000, the census allowed Americans for the first time to identify themselves by more than one racial category. About 6.8 million described themselves as more than one race - 2.4 percent of the population.

ADOPTION: Since 1990, the number of international adoptions has more than doubled. In 1990, there were 7,093 international adoptions; in 2006, 20,679 were recorded. Since 1990, about 250,000 children have been adopted from abroad.
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Sources: Census Bureau, State Department.

Filling the Gap with new harmonies

2008-07-09T02:20:00.000-07:00

STEEL DRUMS and bagpipes never did share playing time – which may be just as well for the audiences at this year’s Nova Scotia tattoo.

It would be a creative – and brave – music arranger who tried to bring together these two distinctive sounds. Imagine the racket that could emerge: the rhythmic ping-ponging of the pans against the mournful keening of the pipes. Oh, my tender ears!

Still, the week-long Royal Nova Scotia International Tattoo that wrapped up last night in Halifax is to be applauded for this musical adventure: for introducing the Trinidad and Tobago Defence Force Steel Band to this land of bagpipes. Whether booked merely as a novelty or as a nod to our increasing diversity, no matter. The sounds of steel pans in a hockey arena – accompanied by limbo dancers no less – must surely be a sign of our cross-cultural times.

Perhaps you notice this more readily in the people you greet, the foods in the new restaurants or, yes, in the music being played. For me, it lies in interracial marriages. When recent headlines touted Love in Canada Is Colour-Blind or How the Lines Between Races Are Blurring, I smiled knowingly. Sometimes we don’t need research to confirm what experience has already taught: that despite the odd challenge, society has become far more accepting of mixed unions, my own included.

Nevertheless, the numbers are telling: Nearly 300,000 Canadians were in mixed marriages or common-law relationships in 2006 – an increase of nearly 30 per cent over 2001. The segment is still small, just four per cent of all couples, up from 2.6 per cent in 1991. But the experts say the segment’s steady growth is what’s interesting.

Statistics Canada began tracking the data as one gauge of the country’s diversity and to examine ways in which ethnicities integrate. In our churches and mosques and temples. In the cutlery drawer where chopsticks are as plentiful as forks. In the faces of our children.

I balk somewhat at the word interracial: It takes me back to Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner, a 1967 movie with the then groundbreaking premise of black marrying white. The word harkens back to a time when such unions were illegal in many states. And where it was legal, like Canada, it was still frowned on, tut-tutted at – an aberration worthy in 1935 of front-page treatment in The Halifax Herald when a "spinster" filed intentions to wed a Chinese man in Boston.

For immigrant families, whether white or of colour, it can be particularly hard on the parents. They watch, almost helpless, as their growing children shed much of their homeland customs to embrace Canadiana. And if their children marry "outside," they know the loss can be deep. They know that their son or daughter must adopt some of the ways of another culture, and that their grandchildren will fall somewhere in between.

Yet this blurring of the lines is to be expected in a multicultural society – where the cultures mix and the numbers of our own race could produce slim pickings. My siblings, cousins and I tried to explain this to our parents – as in turn we married "English," which meant anyone who wasn’t Chinese. The older ones paid the heavier price. My brother defied my parents in marrying a Trinidad woman of Portuguese and Spanish descent. It took my parents years – and the birth of the first grandchild, a boy – before they could welcome my sister-in-law into the family.

A cousin faced opposition from the other side – her fiance’s white American parents. They refused to go to the wedding and barred his three brothers from attending. They too came around with the birth of the first grandchild. But, as with my sister-in-law, the damage was already done.

My parents, and other immigrants of their generation, grew more accepting in time (though always hopeful for a uni-cultural union). When it was my turn, the main challenge came from strangers. The stares were intrusive, relentless. My husband, a normally calm soul, would sometimes become angry. How did I put up with it? he asked. I’m used to being visible, I replied.

Oddly, his discomfort eased too with the arrival of our firstborn. As we walked together, pushing a stroller, we were still stared at, and then the eyes would fall on the baby. We came to realize that this stare was different – in it was an honest curiosity about what a mixed union had produced. And invariably, a smile would follow. In this, my husband found acceptance.

Always, the hope lies in our children. My husband and I call them the Gap generation: the young faces of mixed unions, with features that are neither yours nor mine but belong to the globe. Because they come to more than one culture, they are raised in many. Children like my great-nephew who counts in his blood the flow of Chinese, West Indian, Portuguese, Spanish, Mexican and Peruvian Incan.

I worry sometimes whether these children will grow up feeling ungrounded. Whether they will miss a deep affinity to a past, or whether they will try to embrace several histories. Will our sons ever experience that sense of place and pride that their father, he of the clan MacLeod, does on hearing the bagpipes?

Likely not – no more than their hearts will pound like their mother’s on hearing the steel drums of her Trinidadian childhood. But these are our roots, not theirs. Our job is to give them a new grounding – one that I hope combines the best of two.

From there, perhaps they will create their own music, dance to their own beat – across cultures and across different races. For if there is a generation that could possibly harmonize steel drums and bagpipes, this may well be it.

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2008-07-09T02:48:21-05:00

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Interracial Marriage

2008-06-19T03:44:00.000-07:00

How many people reading this know an interracial married couple? How many know that until 1967 there were still 16 states that had laws against interracial marriage? These laws were called miscegenation laws, and they dated back as far as the 1600s.

In 1967, in the landmark Supreme Court case Loving v. Virginia, the Warren court decided that these laws were against the Constitution.

Why this look back in time? Because last month, House Joint Resolution 89, otherwise known as the "Marriage Protection Amendment," was introduced in the U.S. House of Representatives. Simply put, it states, "Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman."

This is a bill that will discriminate against a group of citizens in the United States merely on the basis of sexual orientation. There have been many battles fought in the United States against different forms of discrimination and oppression. The fight for equal rights for the GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered) community, much like the fight for equality of women, is still being fought, and the fight for marriage is the latest battle to be fought in this war.

There are numerous reasons people against gay marriage use to fight it. One of my favorites is that we will ruin the sanctity of marriage. Are these people living in the same country as I am? The one where the divorce rate is over 50 percent? My question to these people is: How can we possibly do more damage to the sanctity of marriage than the heterosexual community already has?

My wife and I have been married since August of 2007, and we are eagerly looking forward to our first anniversary in two months. Can anyone reading this tell me that our marriage has affected them in any way at all?

The fact of the matter is that marriage is a very personal state of affairs, and no one should have the right to say who should and should not be allowed to marry, as long as those two people are adults.

All citizens of the United States are supposed to be created equal; marriage being legal between only a man and a woman is not equality.

The Constitution is a very sacred piece of the history of this country and should never be used as something to further the agenda of any politician. Nor should it ever be amended in such a manner as to discriminate against certain citizens of this country.

It should not matter what one's nationality, race, sexual orientation or any other marker of identity is. Discrimination is wrong.

Interracial dating has ruined my life

2008-06-04T01:08:00.000-07:00

My best friend and I sat in the library, giggling.

Why? We had just noticed my white, blond friend had a white Mac, and I, a black girl, had a black Mac, and it was the funniest thing in the world. Apparently no one else noticed, but we were convinced everyone was snickering at us.

We have spent our whole lives together. We even believed for a while we were the same race, and possibly related. The problems started when we realized we weren't, and the world was not ready for a color-blind love like ours. Our jokes raised hatred from both sides.

Interracial relationships have ruined my life.

First, they caused a minor identity crisis within myself.

My life began with an interracial relationship. My stern Barbadian father somehow duped my beautiful and kind Puerto Rican mother into marrying him, and the confusion began. They moved to a mostly white suburb and did not allow me to speak slang or watch BET.

Not only do I confuse my English and Spanish all the time, I look just like my Puerto Rican mother but I'm so dark no one believes me, and I am often mistaken for a Dominican refugee.

Second, they have made me politically incorrect.

When my best friend and I play "Never Have I Ever," she says, "Never have I ever been black."

I, of course, say, "Never have I ever been white." Then we drink entirely too much to celebrate how ridiculous we are.

Once, we played with a diverse group, and when she did her typical "Never have I ever been black" no one laughed. Everyone stared at us in horror as we downed our beers to wash out the awkwardness.

My friend and I love making racially awkward jokes. I call her my white b----, she introduces me as her black friend. I make fun of her "Mississippi booty," as one man said, that attracts hoards of black men, while she mocks the skinny white boys that tend to be my downfall.

We are convinced the NAACP and the KKK are out to get us, and in general, people of all races are afraid of us.

Last, they have destroyed my dating life. Not only am I constantly mocked for the series of white boys on my arm, everyone feels the need to comment on it.

I remember when in high school, I was the new kid, and everyone wanted to know who I had a crush on. I was in love with the high school quarterback, with hazel eyes and soft brown hair. Everyone else decided I liked Delrico, THE ONLY BLACK BOY IN THE GRADE.

The rumors that ensued upon my arrival convinced him that I was interested. I spent the rest of the year avoiding his affection. It also caused my high school love to believe that I did not like white boys, and we could never be together. (My "white b----" dated him instead.)

In college, things only became worse. When I walk down the street, white boy in tow, the men lined up in front of UDF yell things like "Damn white boy, where you get a fine black girl like that?" and other uncomfortable things. My white boys also like to talk about it. Some of my favorite lines?

"I done dated a black girl once, it was real nice."

"I think it's weird that you've dated so many white guys, but you're the only black girl I've been with."

"I made out with a black girl once. It wasn't what I thought it would be."

Sorry?

Worse, my own family finds my predicament hilarious. Once at a sporting event, my mother asked me what piece of chicken I would like. I chose dark meat, telling my mother, "I don't like white meat."

My mother looked at me and shouted, "Oh yes you do!"

For the first time in my life, an entire stadium of people was laughing at me.

As time goes on, I have come to terms with the mix of people in my life. My inability to sense what is racially inappropriate has caused me a lot of trouble, but at the same time, I have so many more friends because I don't really care about race. I have more fun, and I belong everywhere.

A couple weeks ago my best friend and I convinced an entire room of drunks we were related.

"Do you guys have the same dad?" one girl asked in confusion.

"Of course," my best friend said. "We're sisters."

That's true love.

Same-Sex and Interracial Marriage Find Common Ground

2008-05-22T00:36:00.000-07:00

In the 1948 case of Perez v. Sharp, the California Supreme Court struck down a ban on interracial marriage.

Chief Justice Ronald M. George quoted from the Perez decision three times while the current court was ruling on the legality of a ban on same-sex marriage. It seemed that the chief justice accepted that the struggle for same-sex marriage closely paralleled that of the struggle to legalize interracial marriages, reports the New York Times. When the California Supreme Court majority found Thursday that same-sex couples had a right to marry, they cited Perez.

Opponents of same-sex marriage are uncomfortable with the analogy, reports the New York Times. Monte Stewart, president of the Marriage Law Foundation, says the parallel only works on the surface. "Marriage in its deep logic has nothing to do with race and everything to do with the union of a man and a woman," said Stewart.

The Perez decision came long before the rest of the nation started desegregation, as another six years would pass before Brown v. Board of Education, where the United States Supreme Court ruled in 1954 that segregated schools violated the Constitution. Thirteen years would pass before the U.S. Supreme Court would also strike down bans on interracial marriage in the 1967 case of Loving v. Virginia, according to the New York Times.

As the Perez decision occurred so long before the rest of the nation's attempts at equality, the history of interracial marriage restrictions can be viewed in two ways. The Perez court can be said to have started the wave of equality with an early decision in the right direction. Or, it can be said that the court overrode the democratic process in making a decision most of the country was not yet willing to embrace.

The parallels will continue to be drawn as the analysis of the current court's decision to legalize same-sex marriage continues.

Source: The New York Times

Interracial Loving in black and white

2008-05-06T21:23:00.000-07:00

Mildred and Richard Loving, January 26, 1965.

On this day when people in Indiana and North Carolina are choosing between the Democratic candidates for president, one of whom is the offspring of an interracial union, it's mind-boggling to think that just over 40 years ago, marriages like that which produced Sen. Barack Obama were illegal in many states, including North Carolina where voters are going to the polls.

But all that was changed in 1967 because of two quiet and courageous people who fought for their love by fighting an unjust law, Richard and Mildred Loving of Virginia. Their desire to have their marriage recognized in the eyes of the law in native state led them all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court which struck down all anti-miscegenation laws in the nation.

Mildred Jeter Loving, an African-American, died at 68 last week. Her husband was killed in 1975 by a drunken driver. But she and he will forever have a place in history as the Loving family in ironically perfect legal citation Loving v. Virginia.

A humble woman by all accounts, Loving didn't see herself as a hero akin to Rosa Parks. But she and her husband started something that hasn't ended, for champions of same-sex marriage view the Lovings as a model.

The Washington Post has a very good piece today that gives a sense of the bizarreness of the laws that banned interracial marriages and the contorted lengths to which their defenders went.
That wasn't true in 1958, when then-17-year-old Mildred Jeter and her childhood sweetheart, Richard Loving, a 23-year-old white construction worker, drove 90 miles north to marry in the District. Pretty and slender, she was known by her nickname, "Bean," and she was already pregnant with the first of their three children.

Loving later said she didn't realize that it was illegal for a black woman and a white man to wed, although her husband might have. "I think he thought [if] we were married, they couldn't bother us," she said.

Nevertheless, when they returned to Central Point, Va., between Richmond and Spotsylvania, to set up their home, someone called the law.

Caroline County Sheriff R. Garnett Brooks rousted them from their bed at 2 a.m. in July 1958 and told them the District's marriage certificate was no good in Virginia. He took them to jail and charged them with unlawful cohabitation. They pleaded guilty, and Caroline County Circuit Court Judge Leon M. Bazile sentenced them to a year's imprisonment, to be suspended if they left the state for the next 25 years.

"Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix," Bazile ruled.

The Lovings moved to Washington in 1959 and lived with one of her cousins on Neale Street NE. They didn't like urban life and yearned to return to their rural roots.

Then the story goes on to mention this interesting fact:

Five years later, while visiting her mother, they were arrested again for traveling together. Loving, who had been following the 1964 civil rights legislation, wrote a letter to Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy to find out if the new law would allow the couple to travel freely. The couple was referred to the American Civil Liberties Union and assigned an attorney, Bernard S. Cohen. "It was a terrible time in America," said Cohen, who was at Loving's home when she died. "Racism was ripe and this was the last de jure vestige of racism -- there was a lot of de facto racism, but this law was . . . the last on-the-books manifestation of slavery in America."

What's interesting about that is that RFK's Justice Dept. referred the woman to the ACLU. What was that about? Was that a decision made by some low-level person in the department or was it made by a higher up for political reasons, someone who wanted to avoid further antagonizing southern voters during a presidential election year?

In any event, what remarkable history Mildred and Richard Loving set in motion. They will be remembered, especially by efforts like Loving Day, a celebration of legalized interracial marriage that is observed by some every year on or around June 12, the day high court handed down its momentous decision.

Interracial Couples Today

2008-05-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

Interracial marriage has become more common, but remains relatively rare. Sociologists estimate that 7 percent of the nation's 59 million marriages are mixed-race couplings.

And even now, interracial marriage remains a source of quiet debate over questions of identity, assimilation and acceptance.

Take Anna Blazer and Bryan Walker, for instance. The white woman and her black husband, with their two young children, live just miles from the Caroline County courthouse. Donald Loving, a grandson of Richard and Mildred Loving, introduced the couple when they were teenagers.

Blazer, now 23, says her family was initially wary of her then-boyfriend because of his race.

"My mom was a little weird with it, because he used to wear this really long — they call it bling-bling — he used to wear a bling-bling cross around his neck and baggy pants. And I don't know, she just kind of looked at him kind of funny when she first met him," Blazer remembers.
But over the years her mother has warmed to Walker, 21.

Blazer says that although many things have changed since the days of anti-miscegenation laws, life is still difficult for them in Caroline County. The couple endures sneers, sideways glances and more from strangers.

"Just a couple of months ago... Bryan got beat up in the Wal-Mart parking lot because he was with me and my sister, and these white men came up to him and they were yelling. The guy ripped off his shirt. He had racial slurs all over him...and they just started going at it," Blazer says.

"I think my life would be a whole lot easier if I was with a white man. And Bryan feels the same way, but he loves me. He really does. And we are meant to be together," Blazer says.

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2008-04-24T20:37:56-05:00

Jury should hear coach's claims he was fired for interracial marriage: Court

2008-04-21T08:38:00.000-07:00

A white former Iona College hoops coach scored big Tuesday in his two-year battle to prove he was fired because his wife is black.

The 2nd Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals in Manhattan said a jury should hear Craig Holcomb's claims that top-ranking officials at the Westchester school allowed racists to oust him from his job as top assistant to axed Iona basketball coach Jeff Ruland.

The court said a lower-court judge was wrong to toss out Holcomb's discrimination claim and sent the case back to trial.

In a first-of-its-kind decision, the court ruled that even though Holcomb is white, he still can make a claim that he was discriminated against because of his association with a black woman.

Holcomb accused Iona Vice President and former Athletic Director Richard Petriccione of repeatedly using the N-word to refer to black players and of calling a Nigerian employee a "jungle bunny."

In 2000, Holcomb says, he asked Petriccione if he'd received the invitation for his wedding to Pamela Gauthier, an African-American. According to Holcomb, Petriccione responded: "You're really going to marry that Aunt Jemima? You really are a n----r lover."

Petriccione also drew a racially tinged comparison between his players and those at rival Fordham, Holcomb said.

"Everybody at Fordham thinks they have these good black kids and Iona has n-----s," Petriccione said, according to Holcomb's complaint.

Petriccione has denied making the remarks.

School officials say they were "extremely perplexed" by the court's decision and claim that Holcomb was fired for poor performance.

"Diversity is one of the tenets upon which Iona's foundation and history is built," the school said in a statement. "The college is firm in its resolve to vigorously defend itself in this case."

Holcomb was fired in 2004 after refusing to resign and now teaches physical education at a Westchester high school.

"He's very happy to have his chance to have his day in court so that he can let the truth be told," said Holcomb's lawyer Jeffrey Udell.

Interracial Marriages Not Uncommon in Urban Areas

2008-04-21T08:30:00.000-07:00

When it comes to interracial marriage, many Koreans picture farmers marrying women from China in suburban areas. However, a recent government report said the trend is changing fast ― many of the grooms live in urban areas and are marrying for the second time with Vietnamese women.

The report said many of these couples suffer from poor-communication and financial problems. They are also reluctant to have children, it said.

According to the Korea Institute for Health and Social Affairs, only 12.4 percent of 30,208 men married to foreign women in 2006 made a living in the agricultural or fishery sector ― a huge decline from 30-40 percent in the past.

Many grooms were previously married. In 2001, 66.7 percent were getting married for the first time, but in 2005, the number decreased to 55.4 percent. The portion of males on their second marriage jumped from 32.3 percent to 43.2 percent over the same period.

Lee Sam-shik, a researcher at the institute, said in these cases many men who divorce try to get over the past with interracial marriages.

In 1995, only 4.6 percent of such couples had an age difference of more than 20 years with the men being older. However, the portion jumped to 15.8 percent in 2006, according to National Statistical Office.

The largest nationality among foreign brides has changed from Chinese to Vietnamese. In 2001, 70 percent of brides were Chinese, mostly ethnic Korean, but the number shrunk to 48.4 percent in 2006. However, the Vietnamese bride portion jumped from 1.3 percent to 33.5 percent over the same period.

``I think these days matchmaking agencies are in favor of Vietnam for some reason'' Lee said.

These changes have had side effects. Another researcher, Park Jong-seo, said the widening age gap and different cultural backgrounds brought problems to the marriages. Children from previous unions also contributed to the problem, he said.

When the study group conducted in-depth interviews with 23 migrant brides, they said poor-communication and men's indifference to marriage hurt them.

``They said most of the time their husbands were too old to have open-minded discussions with them and couldn't talk to them properly. They also had trouble with the children from men's previous marriages due to the language barrier,'' he said. The researcher said some women felt like they were married to feed the family and simply do housework.

The problems contributed to childbirth and divorce rates. ``Their birthrate has always been higher than that of Koreans. But recently, it dropped to about the same as Koreans and the decline is increasing,'' Park said, adding that more foreign spouses are complaining about their status.

``They want to earn money and be loved by their husbands, as they saw in Korean dramas back in their home country, but they can have neither. The cruel reality is actually driving some to take drastic steps,'' he said.

Both Lee and Park said the government should adopt certain measures for these couples. ``We need to support the wives in getting used to Korea in the early stages and encourage them to have babies and provide support for this,'' they said.

Divorces between Interracial couples involving a Korean and non-Korean surged by 41 percent

2008-04-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

Divorces between couples involving a Korean and non-Korean surged by 41 percent last year.

According to the National Statistical Office (NSO), Monday, the number of divorces between couples composed of Korean and non-Korean spouses recorded 8,828 last year, soaring 40.6 percent from the previous year.

Their divorces have been soaring notably each year, growing by 46.8 percent in 2006, 25.8 percent in 2005 and 57.1 percent in 2004.

Divorces between Korean-foreign nationals reached 7.1 percent of total divorces last year, up 2.1 percentage points from the previous year.

Divorces involving a Korean husband and foreign wife totaled 5,794, taking 65.6 percent of the total. Divorces with a Chinese wife recorded 3,665; Vietnamese wife 895; Filipino wife 220; and Japanese wife 219.

Among Korean women who divorced foreign husbands, 3,034 divorced their Japanese husband, 649 their Chinese husband; and 259 their American husband.

``The number of divorces between Koreans and Chinese wives or Japanese husbands is high because there have been a huge number of marriages between Koreans and people from these countries,'' the statistical office said.

Four out of five of these divorced couples were married for less than four years. Most of the couples had no children.

The number of people who untied the knot totaled 124,600 last year, down 0.4 percent from the previous year. It has been falling since 2003 when the figure was 167,100. The crude divorce rate, which is the recorded number of divorces per 1,000 persons, was 2.5, down 0.1 from a year ago.

Divorces between senior couples, however, surged. The number of divorced men aged 55 or older grew 9.9 percent, and the figure for women aged over 55 grew 9.3 percent.

The average age of divorced men was 43.2, and for women, 39.5.

The main reason for divorce was cited as character differences between spouses (46.8 percent), economic reasons (13.6 percent), trouble among family members (8 percent) and spousal infidelity (7.8 percent).

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Is interracial dating in Minnesota really one-sided?

2008-04-16T10:33:00.000-07:00

“A black woman wonders: What’s up with the Minnesota dating game?”

This was a headline for an article written 3 years ago. And the woman is still wondering…

This woman is concerned about couples comprising black men and white women being so predominant. Many black men in Minnesota are not dating or marrying black women. And according to her, men of other races don’t seem interested in black women, either.

Here is some census data involving blacks:

Among married black men in Minnesota, 44 percent have wives who are not black; among married black women in the state, 14 percent have husbands who are not black. Nationally, the figures are 7 percent for men and 3 percent for women.

So this lady asks, “what’s up with this? If 44 percent of married black men in Minnesota are going over to the white side, compared with only 14 percent of married black women, what does this mean?”

This lady has nothing against interracial relationships if they are for the right reasons - compatibility, attraction, similar interests. But she wonders why some black men and white women only date outside their race. So she asks again: “What’s that about? Does it mean a kind of self-hatred, a discomfort around people who look like you?”

To her, these census figures raises some questions: Why is the interracial marriage scenario in Minnesota so one-sided?

Dating Mr. White

2008-04-16T10:15:00.000-07:00

Has our attitude about dating outside our races changed? Some writer in Detroit decided to try something different… something new: dating a White man. The attraction was there – good-looking guy with a sense of humor. One thing that was a plus for him was that he was liberal and smart. Being 39, the dude seemed like a viable option. “The older you get, the more open you become to the possibility of love… I would like love to come in a certain form or color. But at the same time I realize that the population of eligible Black men is getting smarter. So I’m open” says the writer.

According to some polls, 45% of black women have been involved in interracial relationships. And as for those who haven’t, it’s not because they lack the opportunities… 70% have been asked out by a white guy. A lady who had watched the movie “Something New” (in which the character falls for a White guy) says that movie was her signal to start chasing and accepting their offers. And she puts it this way: She is now looking for an Ideal White Man instead of an Ideal Black Man.

Most people aren’t fazed at all when they see a Black woman with a White man… Now go ahead and flip the script… Fifty-three percent disapproved of seeing a Black man with a White woman.

Successful black men who choose to “cross over” may draw additional ire because of the perceived notion among black women that Black men who have made it tend to prefer non-Black companions. I think Celebrity couples also play a role in influencing black women’s feelings. Yeah, we’re cool with Halle switching from marrying Black men to dating Gabriel Aubry, a White model. But Kobe, Tiger, Terrence and Taye? Hmmm.

So do black women have double standards when it comes to dating outside the race? Leah who is 36 says while she was strolling with her date who is white, she got some chilling reactions. She got chants from black men: “Sellout! You think you White?”

I don’t know if it was the neighborhood that sees a Black Women and White Men dating as a NO-NO or is it that black men too have their double standards? You tell me.

Do white women approach men better than black women?

2008-04-16T10:08:00.000-07:00

Do White women approach Black men better than Black women do? One thing that most people believe is that white women are more aggressive when it comes to letting a man know they’re interested. How is this so?

Apparently, white women have perfected the art of making the first move. Remember Big Mamas and how they taught younger generations of Black women that it’s unladylike to go after a man? Correct me if I am wrong… White women don’t have Big Mamas so they are like baracudas when it some to getting their man. The thing with white women is that when they think they like some guy, no time is wasted. She will be all up in his face, to get his attention.

Well, I find it to be a major turn on when a woman leaves the guesswork out of who likes who. On the other hand when a Black woman likes a dude, she telepathically sends him a message (you know how we men are pathetic with reading-between-the-lines kind of messages… we almost never get them).

Most Black men I have had the chance to talk to say that when they talk to a White woman, in the first five minutes, they can tell that she’s looking for a man and if she’s interested in him. But when a brother talks to a Black woman, in the first five minutes he discovers that she’s looking for a certain kind of man. Get the difference?

I must admit that we all have standards we have to live up to. Much as there are white women that have a rep of scouting out talented black athletes, there are some White women who give a Black man a chance that Black women wouldn’t give a second look. How many times have you seen an interracial couple walking hand in hand and you said. “She can have him”?

Most of my Black female friends don’t like the sight of a good looking brother at a club with a White woman. So why this obsession with the outwards as opposed to the inside? Its important when at a social gathering, to have a good time and take the initiative to meet two new people before they go home. Black guys do it. White girls definitely do it.

Much as Big mama said it aint right, that shouldn’t hold us back from being polite to someone new, even when we’re not interested. You never know, that person could later introduce you to someone who may introduce you to another someone. And just coz you have made the first move doesn’t make you a slut. It shows confidence and how you got your sh** together.

I think one thing we all have to realize is that love is out there. Stop looking for it in the wrong places. Stop looking for the picture perfect dude. White women are not out to swipe the whole entire community of Black men. Maybe they are just looking for love in all the right places. Enough with the judging. Don’t let love pass you right under your nose. Who knows, I could be your Mr. Right.

Why some Black women only date White Men

2008-04-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

We always talk about Black women and how they can’t date White men. Well, there are those women that only date White men. I remember a pal of mine telling me once that she will never get married to Black man. And even as kids, when playing make believe, she was always married to a White guy.

The reason for women like her who only date white men may be very similar to the reasons why most Black women only date Black men … attraction. Some also feel that Black men treat them better than any other man ever could, and they feel that they’d rather have what they know instead of experimenting with what they don’t know.

Some Black women are just not physically attracted to Black men. And as much as parents usually like hooking us up with people of our own race, well it reaches a time when you have to be honest with yourself. Imagine my pal for example: As a child, her first crush was Adam Sandler, then as she got older, she fell in love with Mel Gibson. This doesn’t mean that Black men aren’t handsome – they are just not her type.

Some also feel that White men (not ALL but many) find black women to be remarkable in every sense of the word; hence Black women tend to gravitate towards those affections. Much as her husband treats her better than any man ever had, one lady admits that she has been with some White men that disgusted her with their behaviors. But she says that generally, older White men and very mature on a broader level than with Black men on many levels.

Some are just wildly turned on by the differences … skin color, hair, being raised in different cultures, music, foods … the list is endless. Its all about the desire for the mysterious and unknown. And for some, its just pure love because there are those that forget that we are ‘black’ and ‘white’ and just coincidentally happened to fall in love with a White guys.
One thing we all have to remember is that not every White man is a Black woman’s dream. It all depends on the individual … good and bad comes in all colors.

With that said, the generic phrase - ‘It should be about love and not color’ – is cute. But in this case, not entirely truthful. Its not only about love. Much as love gets cultivated eventually, there is physical attraction and a declaration to date only one race. Racist or preference?

Why white guys love the black woman so much

2008-04-16T09:38:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered why some white guys, love black women so much?

It seems that being a white male and proclaiming your attraction to black women (not only sexually, but also romantically) may lead to a lot of controversial and dangerous things. Let’s leave the debate of why more black women may be opening themselves up to white guys. The main focus of this debate is why some white guys are opening themselves to black women? Let’s concentrate on that.

Most white males don’t feel like they are running short of white women to marry. White males just marry at high rates. So question is: Why black women? The thing is it will not be fair to bundle up black women as one since everyone is their own person… be it in appearance or personality.

However, one thing that a white male friend of mine said… and I let him get away with bundling it all up is: “We love a black woman’s confidence, her tenacity and her undeniable achievements in the face of great adversity…” Since this info was coming from a man, there was definitely the mention of the lips, the curves, and that wonderful skin as well.

So what about stereotypes like “black women are either sexually conservative or total sluts?” Many people give so much lip service to interracial dating. You would think they have never done it. But those uptight individuals are the ones that spread these stereotypes. What happened to the highly educated black woman? How about the caring, decent and involved black woman?

Probably most white guys and others are confused with the stereotypical trash people spread around and if you are one that falls for such lame ol’ lines, then you sure as hell haven’t dated a black woman.

Bottom line, you don’t have to sacrifice who you are for a white guy. They will love you anyway. Just be you and open yourself up… and if you like white guys, some white guy will find you too.

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2008-04-16T09:07:03-05:00

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2008-04-16T08:48:29-05:00

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2008-04-15T21:27:22-05:00

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2008-04-15T21:25:14-05:00

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Interracial marriages forming at unprecedented rates: census

2008-04-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

TORONTO — Four decades after Hollywood's first interracial kiss in "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" shocked mainstream America, Canada's multicultural society is increasingly showing signs that love is colour blind.

The latest census figures released Wednesday by Statistics Canada show that, on this side of the border, mixed unions are forming at unprecedented rates.

There were 289,420 mixed-race couples, married and common law, in 2006 - one third more than in 2001, the last time the data was collected.

Yet there was a time in North America's not-so distant past that marrying someone of a different race wasn't just taboo, it could land someone behind bars.

Before a 1967 U.S. Supreme Court decision ruled it unconstitutional, 16 states still had laws banning interracial marriage.

Since Sidney Poitier's landmark smooch, Hollywood continued the tradition of big-screen portrayals of interracial romances. Kevin Costner hooked up with Whitney Houston in "The Bodyguard" and Spike Lee brought together a black man and white woman in the more gritty "Jungle Fever."

Images of real-life interracial couples such as Halle Berry and Montreal model Gabriel Aubry, as well as Gov. Gen. Michaelle Jean and Jean-Daniel Lafond rarely provoke a mention of their mixed-race makeup.

Statistics Canada began looking at mixed unions in 2001 as yet another indication of Canada's diversity and the way in which different ethnicities are integrating, analyst Tina Chui said.

Wendy Roth, a sociologist at the University of British Columbia, said the reason intermarriage and mixed unions prove so interesting is that they serve as a litmus test of social relations between different groups.

"If this is a sign of anything bigger, it's a sign of the fact that those barriers, those social barriers between racial groups are being chipped away at a little bit," Roth said from Vancouver.

"The rate of increase of mixed unions is not huge, but it's steady, and the fact that it continues to be steady in different censuses suggests that those barriers are diminishing."

The vast majority - 85 per cent - of interracial couples counted in the 2006 census involve a white person and a visible minority. But in a country where visible minorities are on a steep incline, so too are marriages among couples from two different visible minority groups (15 per cent).

The Japanese are most likely to enter a mixed union, the census showed, at 74.7 per cent. The second and third groups most likely to be involved in an interracial relationship are Latin Americans (47 per cent) and blacks (40.6 per cent).

In contrast, South Asians and Chinese are among the least likely to form a union outside their group.

While they are certainly more prevalent, modern day interracial unions aren't entirely immune from the scrutiny and stigma that has coloured them in the past.

Wilson Fong, a 32-year-old Toronto police officer, was born in Hong Kong and is now married to a woman of Korean descent. Their families are accepting of the interracial marriage, but Fong said a previous engagement to a white woman raised eyebrows in Oshawa, Ont. - a largely white community east of Toronto where he was raised.

"I found that people looked at me and I always felt they didn't approve of it, just from the way they looked," Fong said.

Fong's mother, who remarried three years ago, and his older sister are both married to white men.

His wife Gina's parents, who immigrated to Canada in the 1960s, still hold onto their traditions, but have become more Westernized. Over time, they've become increasingly accepting in their attitudes to things like her sister's engagement to a white man.

"My sister has never dated a Korean guy and it was more acceptable as the years went on," she said.

"It was difficult at the beginning but it got easier. Now, they're totally fine with it."

But it wasn't always that easy.

Tina Dawes, now 31, learned as a teenager of the disapproving looks cast upon her parents - an interracial, interfaith couple who married in the late sixties. Her mother is a Filipino Catholic, her father a white Protestant.

They would later relocate to the U.S. for about three years for work, where Dawes said the marriage "really wasn't viewed kindly."

"As well as people saying, 'She's from a different culture from you,' when they got married, they also said, 'Oh, you guys are a different religion, this marriage is never going to work,"' said Dawes, an electrical engineer.

Her paternal grandparents didn't attend her parents' wedding despite living close by, but the births of Dawes and her older brother seemed to help bring the family together in the years that followed.

"At the time, they definitely didn't have the blessing of everyone close around them, which was too bad," she said.

Dawes herself is now involved in a mixed union. Her partner Alistair Forster's white parents hail from England.

Forster said his wife's cultural background was simply not a factor in determining he'd met his match.

"I couldn't see not being with Tina because of any reason other than who she is or her character, and that comes from values that were given to me by my parents," the 32-year-old Ottawa lawyer said.

Open-minded attitudes regarding interracial relationships have also extended into the domain of professional matchmaking services.

Susan Kates, president of Dinnerworks which organizes informal dinner parties for singles, said orienting events around themes or interests such as fitness or travel is as far as it goes when it comes to categorizing clients.

"On the rare occasion, you do get ones who are looking for people who are of their own cultural background but that's very rare," Kates said.

"We say we can't promise that because that's not what we do. We don't work on that element. It's very much (along) cross-cultural lines."

Susan Semeniw of Divine Intervention, a Vancouver matchmaking service, said she will always ask clients if they're open to a partner of a different race.

The extent to which an individual has been exposed to different cultures can play a role in their willingness to consider an interracial relationship, she said.

"If you've travelled a fair bit to other markets, like to Asia or whatever else, you might be more open, or if your demographic makeup of the population tends to skew more ethnic, you might be broader in your perspectives," Semeniw said.

Roth said low levels of interracial marriage often has to do with tradition and culture, but can also relate to where the visible minority groups settle.

"If they tend to live in neighbourhoods where there are a lot of other people from their own group around them, that can contribute to more marriage within their own group," she said.

Tina Fong, 27, a teacher originally from Abbotsford, B.C., said more of her friends are tying the knot with people outside her Korean culture.

"A lot more of my friends' parents are much more open to mixed marriages and it's being more accepted now, whereas before it was taboo," she said.

"At the same time, many still do marry other Koreans depending on where their duties lie in the family, like if they're the oldest or the only daughter."

Language can also play a role, she said.

"Some of my friends' parents don't speak English very well ... so if you can't communicate with your in-laws, it becomes that much more difficult to understand the traditions that Koreans have," she said.

Wilson and Gina Fong said it's important to celebrate their respective cultural traditions in their new life together, starting with their wedding which involved both Chinese and Korean tea ceremonies.

They also plan to teach their children Korean, which Gina speaks fairly fluently.

Dawes is eight months pregnant with her and Forster's second child. Forster believes it's extremely important to ensure their children are educated about both sides of their heritage.

"We're definitely going to be going to the Philippines and England in the next few years," he said.
The likelihood that intermarriage will reach the same levels as same-race unions probably won't happen in her lifetime, Roth lamented, but she thinks there's a very good chance that Canada will get there one day.

"We still have a way to go and a lot of work has to be done to break down those barriers," she said.

Mixed marriages rise 30 per cent in the last five years

2008-04-08T18:47:00.000-07:00

If Ward and June Cleaver were the idyllic picture of marriage in the 1950s, then Vishva Ramlall and Stephanie Linton could be the face of relationships in the 21st century.

Mr. Ramlall was born in Guyana and came to Canada when he was 11. Ms. Linton was born in this country and grew up in several small towns across Ontario.

The two met through friends in Ottawa, started dating and have been married for nearly three years.

The couple represents a small but growing number of Canadians who are involved in interracial unions - a number that many experts predict will jump dramatically in the next few decades.

"The numbers are skyrocketing," said Minelle Mahtani, a geography and journalism professor at the University of Toronto who studies mixed-race identity.

Nearly 300,000 Canadians were involved in mixed marriages or mixed common-law relationships in 2006, a rise of nearly 30 per cent since 2001, according to the latest census figures released yesterday by Statistics Canada.

In 1991, just 2.6 per cent of couples in Canada were in a mixed-race marriage or
common-law relationship.

Mixed unions still make up a very small percentage - about 4 per cent - of all marriages and common-law relationships in Canada. But interracial unions represent a powerful and growing segment of the country's increasingly multicultural mosaic.

"We are seeing this trend more and more and it's becoming a prominent feature in our society, in Canadian society," said Ayman Al-Yassini, executive director of the Canadian Race Relations Foundation.

About 85 per cent of all mixed unions involve relationships in which one partner is white and the other is not. Nearly 42,000 couples in the country consisted of two people from different visible minority groups.

Canadians of Japanese descent are more likely than any other visible minority to be in a mixed union. There were 29,700 couples involving at least one Japanese-Canadian person in 2006. Of those, nearly 75 per cent involved a partner who was white or from another ethnic group. People of Latin American descent were the second-most likely to be in a mixed union, followed by people who are black.

But as the number of visible minorities in Canada continues to climb, Ms. Mahtani said an increasing number of them will marry outside their ethnic group, and to non-white individuals. "When you think about mixed unions, you think about white and black or white and Japanese. That's going to change," she said. "It's going to be between two visible minority groups."

Visible minorities of South Asian or Chinese origin were least likely to be involved in a mixed union, according to Statistics Canada. For instance, there were more than 327,000 South Asian couples in Canada in 2006, but only 12.7 per cent were in a union with a white person or someone of another visible minority group. Sociology experts say one major reason is that those communities are so large, and sometimes insular, that members are more likely to marry someone of the same ethnic background.

Although society is much more accepting of interracial marriages today than several decades ago, some couples say the subject still makes some people uncomfortable and that there may be residual racism in Canada that needs to be overcome.

"I think racism still exists. It's just probably more in the closet," said Barb Rodezno, a Toronto native whose husband is originally from El Salvador.

Mr. Ramlall said he and his wife havenever felt stigmatized because they come from different backgrounds, and their families have been supportive.

But their marriage has been an exercise in learning about each other's culture and adjusting to the differences that come with their religious backgrounds, including the fact the couple had two wedding ceremonies to accommodate their families' Hindu and Anglican backgrounds.

"I learn every day and Steph learns more about me," Mr. Ramlall said. "Even our wedding was hilarious. I've been married twice to the same woman."

*****

Mixed-union breakdown

The number of Canadians in mixed unions (marriages of common-law) jumped more than 30 per cent from 2001 to 2006, according to the latest census date released by Statistics Canada. Although mixed unions represented just 4 per cent of all unions in Canada in 2006, that proportion is expected to grow significantly in the near future.

Note: Numbers may not add up to total due to rounding.
SOURCE: STATISTICS CANADA

Mixed race marriages on the rise

2008-04-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

TORONTO – Four decades after Hollywood's first interracial kiss in "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" shocked mainstream America, Canada's multicultural society is increasingly showing signs that love is colour blind.

The latest census figures released Wednesday by Statistics Canada show that, on this side of the border, mixed unions are forming at unprecedented rates.

There were 289,420 mixed-race couples, married and common law, in 2006 – one third more than in 2001, the last time the data was collected.

Yet there was a time in North America's not-so distant past that marrying someone of a different race wasn't just taboo, it could land someone behind bars.

Before a 1967 U.S. Supreme Court decision ruled it unconstitutional, 16 states still had laws banning interracial marriage.

Since Sidney Poitier's landmark smooch, Hollywood continued the tradition of big-screen portrayals of interracial romances. Kevin Costner hooked up with Whitney Houston in "The Bodyguard" and Spike Lee brought together a black man and white woman in the more gritty "Jungle Fever."

Images of real-life interracial couples such as Halle Berry and Montreal model Gabriel Aubry, as well as Gov. Gen. Michaelle Jean and Jean-Daniel Lafond rarely provoke a mention of their mixed-race makeup.

Statistics Canada began looking at mixed unions in 2001 as yet another indication of Canada's diversity and the way in which different ethnicities are integrating, analyst Tina Chui said.

Wendy Roth, a sociologist at the University of British Columbia, said the reason intermarriage and mixed unions prove so interesting is that they serve as a litmus test of social relations between different groups.

"If this is a sign of anything bigger, it's a sign of the fact that those barriers, those social barriers between racial groups are being chipped away at a little bit," Roth said from Vancouver.

"The rate of increase of mixed unions is not huge, but it's steady, and the fact that it continues to be steady in different censuses suggests that those barriers are diminishing."

The vast majority – 85 per cent – of interracial couples counted in the 2006 census involve a white person and a visible minority. But in a country where visible minorities are on a steep incline, so too are marriages among couples from two different visible minority groups (15 per cent).

The Japanese are most likely to enter a mixed union, the census showed, at 74.7 per cent. The second and third groups most likely to be involved in an interracial relationship are Latin Americans (47 per cent) and blacks (40.6 per cent).

In contrast, South Asians and Chinese are among the least likely to form a union outside their group.

While they are certainly more prevalent, modern day interracial unions aren't entirely immune from the scrutiny and stigma that has coloured them in the past.

Wilson Fong, a 32-year-old Toronto police officer, was born in Hong Kong and is now married to a woman of Korean descent. Their families are accepting of the interracial marriage, but Fong said a previous engagement to a white woman raised eyebrows in Oshawa, Ont. – a largely white community east of Toronto where he was raised.

"I found that people looked at me and I always felt they didn't approve of it, just from the way they looked," Fong said.

Fong's mother, who remarried three years ago, and his older sister are both married to white men.

His wife Gina's parents, who immigrated to Canada in the 1960s, still hold onto their traditions, but have become more Westernized. Over time, they've become increasingly accepting in their attitudes to things like her sister's engagement to a white man.

"My sister has never dated a Korean guy and it was more acceptable as the years went on," she said.

"It was difficult at the beginning but it got easier. Now, they're totally fine with it."

But it wasn't always that easy.

Tina Dawes, now 31, watched as a teenager the disapproving looks cast upon her parents – an interracial, interfaith couple who married in the late sixties. Her mother is a Filipino Catholic, her father a white Protestant.

They would later relocate to the U.S. for about three years for work, where Dawes said the marriage "really wasn't viewed kindly."

"As well as people saying, `She's from a different culture from you,' when they got married, they also said, `Oh, you guys are a different religion, this marriage is never going to work,"' said Dawes, an electrical engineer.

Her paternal grandparents didn't attend her parents' wedding despite living close by, but the births of Dawes and her older brother seemed to help bring the family together in the years that followed.

"At the time, they definitely didn't have the blessing of everyone close around them, which was too bad," she said.

Dawes herself is now involved in a mixed union. Her partner Alistair Forster's white parents hail from England.

Forster said his wife's cultural background was simply not a factor in determining he'd met his match.

"I couldn't see not being with Tina because of any reason other than who she is or her character, and that comes from values that were given to me by my parents," the 32-year-old Ottawa lawyer said.

Open-minded attitudes regarding interracial relationships have also extended into the domain of professional matchmaking services.

Susan Kates, president of Dinner Works which organizes informal dinner parties for singles, said orienting events around themes or interests such as fitness or travel is as far as it goes when it comes to categorizing clients.

"On the rare occasion, you do get ones who are looking for people who are of their own cultural background but that's very rare," Kates said.

"We say we can't promise that because that's not what we do. We don't work on that element. It's very much (along) cross-cultural lines."

Susan Semeniw of Divine Intervention, a Vancouver matchmaking service, said she will always ask clients if they're open to a partner of a different race.

The extent to which an individual has been exposed to different cultures can play a role in their willingness to consider an interracial relationship, she said.

"If you've travelled a fair bit to other markets, like to Asia or whatever else, you might be more open, or if your demographic makeup of the population tends to skew more ethnic, you might be broader in your perspectives," Semeniw said.

Roth said low levels of interracial marriage often has to do with tradition and culture, but can also relate to where the visible minority groups settle.

"If they tend to live in neighbourhoods where there are a lot of other people from their own group around them, that can contribute to more marriage within their own group," she said.

Tina Fong, 27, a teacher originally from Abbotsford, B.C., said more of her friends are tying the knot with people outside her Korean culture.

"A lot more of my friends' parents are much more open to mixed marriages and it's being more accepted now, whereas before it was taboo," she said.

"At the same time, many still do marry other Koreans depending on where their duties lie in the family, like if they're the oldest or the only daughter."

Language can also play a role, she said.

"Some of my friends' parents don't speak English very well ... so if you can't communicate with your in-laws, it becomes that much more difficult to understand the traditions that Koreans have," she said.

Wilson and Gina Fong said it's important to celebrate their respective cultural traditions in their new life together, starting with their wedding which involved both Chinese and Korean tea ceremonies.

They also plan to teach their children Korean, which Gina speaks fairly fluently.

Dawes is eight months pregnant with her and Forster's second child. Forster believes it's extremely important to ensure their children are educated about both sides of their heritage.

"We're definitely going to be going to the Philippines and England in the next few years," he said.

The likelihood that intermarriage will reach the same levels as same-race unions probably won't happen in her lifetime, Roth lamented, but she thinks there's a very good chance that Canada will get there one day.

"We still have a way to go and a lot of work has to be done to break down those barriers," she said.