INTO THE DARK

Soon, my Henchmen, soon...

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 06:41:35 PDT

I will return... um.. again.
The Next episode is coming, fear not.

The Evil will rise from its ashes....

Episode 049 - And Suffer the Little Children

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 20:28:54 PDT

Hello, My Henchmen!!

I'm sure you have missed me. We've had a lot of celebrity Deaths since Episode 48. Wow. But, to make things lighter, I take a look at the children.
The EVIL Children!!!!!

PROMO: All Games Considered

Damien Thorne - The Omen, Damien: The Omen II

Delia York - The Omen IV: The Awakening

Rhoda Penmark - The Bad Seed

Stewart Gilligan "Stewie" Griffin - Family Guy

Anthony Fremont - The Twilight Zone

Henry Evans - The Good Son

PROMO: Guardians

Cannibalistic zombie children - Beware! Children at Play

The Children of The Corn

John Carpenter's Village of the Damned

What a group of Awful Offspring!!

Stay EVIL!

Episode 048 - Horror has a Flavor

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:28:16 PDT

Greetings Henchmen!!

This time I tackle the dreaded T.P.

No, Not Toilet Paper, Henchman #28, Torture Porn!
I'll just talk for a little bit about... Whoa I babbled for 10+ minutes?!?!
I must be getting talkative in my old age.

Check out FETIDUS: The Dark Heir, it's an interesting podiobook.

Keep up the evil work!

Promo for the Masses

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 09:50:10 PDT

Yes, My Henchmen, Here is a Promo for you to pass around. Pimp my show like it's an impressionable young girl looking to get into Hollywood!

Spread the evil!

Episode 047 - And on Into the Dark I'll Bind Them.

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Mon, 25 May 2009 21:51:09 PDT

Greetings Henchmen!
Yes, I'm back. And I'm making up for lost time! (And Yes, I now own the One Ring)

Mentioned in the episode:

The International Society of Supervillains

Geek of All Trades

Love Long and Prosper

Aliens You Will Meet

Left 4 Dead

Demigod

And I finish with a Special Decree.

Stay Evil!

Working on a new episode.

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 08:52:46 PDT

Fear not, my Henchmen, I still function. A new episode of Into the Dark is coming. be aware...

Episode 046 - 25 things to Hate About Me

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:19:36 PDT

Hey, Henchmen!

Yes, I know the intro was a little weird. Rest assured, I went to the Voiceover Universe and destroyed it. Man, it was annoying.

But on to the show, I seem to have caught a Meme. So I give you 25 things about me.

Also, I stick in promos for Love Long and Prosper, and J.C. Hutchins' Personal Effects: Dark Art

Stay Evil!

Episode 045 – Evil on 45

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 10:47:44 PST

What's up, Henchmen?!

This episode, I make like a pirate and shanghai The Geekspin !

You could say I have a Plethora of Evil Songs for you (That's even better than a plethora of pinatas!)

You can look up any of these songs at The FuMP or at Jonathan Coulton's site.

Here's the rundown of the EvilSpin:

Still Annoyed, by Rob Balder

Scud , by The Great Luke Ski

Re: Your Brains by Jonathan Coulton

Gory Gory Hallelujah by The Great Luke Ski

My Chemical Terrorist Romance, by MC Lars

Lusty Young Sith, by Marc Gunn

Break: WNDR Wander Radio Promo

Back to the Music!

Creepy Doll, by Jonathan Coulton.

Winter Slay Ride, by the Consortium of Genius

Chiron Beta Prime by Jonathan Coulton

Sheep Marketing Ploy, written by Tom Smith, and performed by Worm Quartet

Kill Seville, by Positive Attitude

Final song: Skullcrusher Mountain, by Jonathan Coulton

Many thanks to Brad Bowyer, for making The Geekspin Episode 23 ripe for the taking!

Keep Listening, and Stay Evil!

Episode 044 - Heroes' Villains, is that an Oxymoron?

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 16:24:42 PST

What's up, Henchmen!?
Time for another Into The Dark!
Holy Crap, It's gone Weekly? Well, for now. I never know when I'm going to slip again. I mean time travel into the future.

This week is brought to you by J.R. Murdock!
I go into detail on my opinions of Heroes Volume 3: Villains!

Things I bring up include:

Mohinder's experiment in self-medication

Venture Brothers

Mutagen

Turkey Basters

And Santa's Magic Sack!

Really, it all works together.

Stay Evil!

Episode 043: Voicemails and Cylons and Podcasts, Oh My!

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 18:40:18 PST

Hello Henchmen!

It's time for another show!
I got another voicemail!

Minion has a special message for the Skinjob Cylons!!

And I put in a few good words for 3 cool podcasts:

Made of Fail,
Dafixer's Hideout,
and
Scifi Partyline!

Check them all out.
Stay Evil!

Third day back at work. Yawn. :)

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 09:34:57 PST

Third day back at work. The novelty wears off quickly, doesn't it?

Start your day with Into the Dark Eppisode 042: 'Twas the Earth Stood Still Before Christmas. http://www.computerkingonline.com

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 20:36:07 PST

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

Episode 042: 'Twas the Earth Stood Still Before Christmas

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 18:44:10 PST

WARNING!
This is a Synopsis/Review of the 2008 Version of The Day the Earth Stood Still. Spoilers abound. Don't like Spoilers? Don't read beyond this warning and don't listen to the show until you've seen it.

*
*
*

'Twas a week before Christmas, I had time to kill, So I went to to see The Day the Earth Stood Still.

The first scene was useless, no dialog, no tone, it just gave Keanu a scene all his own.

Next is Helen, Biologist, who knows all her stuff, with her 10-year-old stepson who's grumpy & gruff.

With a ring on the phone and a knock on the door, the Feds abduct Helen in a big Ford Explorer.

Loaded onto a chopper, surprised and confused, are a buttload of scientists who are not amused.

Flown to a facility, stripped of cameras and phones with no family, no friends, and many unknowns.

They're told there's an object, way out in space, on a course straight for earth, at a fantastic pace.

“We have to come up with a plan made to order, how long do we have?” “Oh, an hour and a quarter.”

It'll kill everything on the earth at that speed. “Move the nerds to ground zero! Yeah, that's what we need!”

The object keep course, but slows on descent. It looks like a huge Christmas tree ornament.

The scientists land and begin their approach, so do army guys, swat teams and every cockroach.

The hatch opens up right in Helen's face, and out steps a being from a faraway place.

It wants to shake hands, but that won't come to pass, because someone out there pops a cap in his ass.

The army's attack was soon forced to abort by a cylon! No, wait, that's a 30-foot Gort.

Just as Gort's about to start whuppin' some ass, the alien mumbles, so he goes inert fast.

A surgeon is waiting in the facility, to remove the bullet with expert ability.

And under a shell made of placental goops, lies Neo... No, wait, I mean Klaatu, oops!

The Defense secretary is brought to this place, to speak for President whats-his-face.

On the Microsoft Surface they review the file, and her meeting with Klaatu did nothing worthwhile.

So they opt to sedate him, negotiations are done. Helen substitutes saline, tells Klaatu to run!

The interrogation's reversed with precision, and apparently held without supervision

For Klaatu can see through electronic eyes, and use your earpieces to knock out your guys.

So he walks through the place and out into the night; Helen takes a sample and bolts out of sight.

So Klaatu does not find the United Nations, but instead passes out in Grand Central Station.

And Helen's at home, Where the feds do not seek her, she's called to get Klaatu, who's been getting weaker.

They get in her car, and the sample she stole, just happens to heal up Klaatu's bullet hole.

He gives her directions like a GPS tracker, while her stepson talks killin' like an NRA backer.

They drive around aimless and stop at Mickey D's, to have a short meeting with a man who's Chinese.

They talk in the open, though nobody hears, he's an alien watcher, here 70 years.

He says mankind's hopeless, go through with the plan, but he'll die with the humans, 'cause he's in love with Man.

Klaatu points the way like a divining rod, while the stepson starts noticing, “Mom's friend is Odd!”

As they make their way over the highways and roads, The alien tip line practically explodes.

On the side of a road in the midst of a lake Klaatu turns on one sphere, making others awake.

All over the world spheres arise from below, suck up local wildlife and then up they go.

A local Policeman arrives for arrest, but Klaatu just squishes him like some sort of pest.

The stepson goes loco, he's heels over head, until Klaatu miraculously raises the dead.

They go find a leader, a smart man of peace, who'll help Klaatu, no, wait, it's just Python's John Cleese.

He's just as helpful as tits on a bull, but he gives Helen's stepson one last trick to pull:

Back in the bedroom the kid's looking squirrelly, Yes, he would call the help line, and don't call me Shirley.

The choppers fly in, Klaatu runs through the trees, but he gets away and it's Helen they seize.

The Secretary of Defense is quite pissed, Her tightly knit plan to catch Klaatu had missed.

Helen explains Klaatu's main directive, and we just need to prove that mankind's not defective.

Meanwhile the army has carried off Gort, and drilled on his skin as a desperate resort.

OK, just a pause as I stop to critique, but Gort's made of Nanites? This is not unique.

They went for a over used scifi cliché to destroy mankind in an explainable way.

This sucks and I say this is where they fail, but enough of my pause, let's get back to the tale.

Gort is composed of small metallic bugs, which eat stone glass metal human flesh and rugs.

They start spreading out chewing up all they find, the Defense Secretary is losing her mind.

She lets Helen go to meet up with Klaatu, and convince him the culling's the wrong thing to do.

Now stepson's with Klaatu, and to meet up with mom, takes him to a place that is peaceful and calm.

It also just happens to be his dad's grave, “Now bring him back too, with your energy wave!”

But there are some things that are beyond Klaatu, like turning this flick into Frankenstein 2.

Helen arrives and hugs the little guy, In a scene full of pathos the child starts to cry.

And what happened then? Well in New York they say, that Klaatu's human heart grew 3 sizes that day.

He changes his mind and wants mankind to stay, but the Gort-ites might kill everyone anyway.

They race to Manhattan, the troops let them through, they get near the sphere and haven't a clue.

That Defense Secretary Jackson's a bitch, who'd bomb Klaatu AND sphere with a flick of a switch.

They survive the tow missiles but the Gort swarm is near, they run for a tunnel, can't get to the sphere.

Helen and the kid are being eaten alive, Klaatu pulls the bugs out to let them survive.

In a last action worthy of Shakespearian sonnet, Klaatu gets to the sphere and puts his hand on it.

The sphere hums and glows and lets loose energy, that spreads out and covers the world completely.

The Gort-ites all fall like tiny metal dust, leaving New York looking like half-eaten rust.

And around the world where that energy spread, technology fails, power plants are all dead.

Oil rigs all cease, car batteries die, The Defense Secretary looks ready to cry.

For that energy wave, as far as it seems, was not some magic from a scifi fan's dreams.

But something more simple to explain, you see: it's another cheap cop-out, a damn EMP!

The sphere rises up, and heads for the sky, leaving mankind in it's worldwide pig-sty.

We came close to destruction, and now we must change, the ecology problem's been brought to close range.

We cannot ignore it in this little tale, since there's now no TV, radio, or Email.

This tired little tale, and the moral it promotes, shoves the ecology right down our throats.

A bit heavy-handed, with a plot full of holes, this might not be the best way to pursue these goals.

For the first thing I thought, all things being equal, was “I guess Dark Angel counts as this movie's sequel.”

My verdict is that though the effects were slick, I recommend seeing the original flick.

Though this movie was lame, I am not a sad sack, the projection screwed up, I got my money back!

Happy Yuletide to all, And before I go, I must now say “Klaatu, Barada, Nicto”.

Episode 041: Letls Get Personal

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 21:17:44 PST

Hello Again!

This time I talk about me. Just Me. What about me?

Well, I'm not in the E.L.E. But I am feeling better than I did when I caught Pneumonia.

I'm using www.cellspin.net now, so there will be more spontaneous input to the site. From my Cellphone!

I give high praise and thanks to all my Henchmen.

I'm making this episode a short one by talking just about myself.

I think that's it, Stay Evil Folks!

Episode 040 - Evil Rising

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 18:09:06 PST

Hello again!

I'm still alive, but still medically annoyed.

Ooh! I got a cool voicemail from an unidentified fan!
(only guessing at the identity, but it sounds like someone you can find "Down the Road")

But getting to the meat of the matter:
I review the movie "Behind the Mask: the Rise of Leslie Vernon"

(PS, the Netflix Roku Streaming movie player rocks, too!)

Stay Evil!

Episode 039 : A Brief Update

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 20:55:49 PDT

Long time....

Well, I'm still on the Mend. I give some graphic detail as to a part of what I'm going through.

And I let you know that I'm going to subject myself to that yearly form of evil called NaNoWriMo!

It's a short one, but it's better than nothing.

Keep supporting me for Evil League of Evil Membership!

And Stay Evil!

Friends, Humans, Netizens...

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 08:55:33 PDT

... Lend me your... Well, your voices, actually.

Speak out, in text, to support me in my bid to join the Evil League of Evil!

Use your Blogs, use their Forums, hell, email the Evil League themselves if you want!

Tell them that the ComputerKing is the man they need!

(No, I have no idea whether this will help or hurt my chances, but what the hell...)

Here's my campaign message, spread it around!

ComputerKing: Exposed!

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 00:27:23 PDT

Yes, I have revealed my visage to the world!

No show yet, for I have been working on something else.

Behold, my application to the Evil League of Evil!

Episode 038 - I'm Not Dead Yet!

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 16:03:58 PDT

Yes! A new Episode!
Still not in the best of health, but I'm well enough to talk to my henchmen!

And talk I shall!

After a Promo of Down The Road

About Heroes:
Season 3 Premiere Is coming! Villains! Yay!
Season 2: Stop Whining about Sylar!

About Villains:
Work harder than the Heroes

Book review:
Soon I will be Invincible

Promo of Fanboy Hell

I'm not dead yet. But I could have been. Let your evil out, it's healthy...

Stay Evil.

Knock Knock Knocking on Hell's Door

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 20:27:01 PDT

Hey, Henchmen! I'm back! Where have I been? In bed, then in a hospital, now back home in bed.

What powerful malady befell your Lord & Master? Well, I wasn't rockin' but it was pneumonia. Still recovering, so I can't say exactly when the next show will come out.

In 1965 the great prophet Jerry Lee Lewis foretold of this danger. Had I known he was talking about me I would have been more careful. Behold his predictions. I'm getting vaccinated for the BoogieWoogie Flu ASAP.

Episode 037 - Her Mirrored Eyes

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 23:39:57 PDT

Hello, Henchmen! Hello World!

It's a special day. A Birthday for 2 of the most arcanely tainted people I know: H.P. Lovecraft... and me.

As such a special day, I will share with all of you the story "Her Mirrored Eyes" . My first published work, back in 2006.

The female voice at the end is provided by my lovely ComputerQueen.

Please, enjoy, and feedback is accepted via the usual venues.

Stay Evil.

Invasion Alert!

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 19:05:19 PDT

I just found out that the one and only Dr. Steel has allowed his "Toy Soldiers" to organize a "global" invasion of sorts today!

Here is a link to the Toy Soldier Site. See what a good group of henchmen can do?

And is it a coincidence that Dr. Steel joins Twitter today? I think not!

I need more Henchmen. Put out the call! Bring in another listener to the fold and I will double your henchman allowance.

Fortunately henchmen get zero allowance... oops, did I type that out?

Apologies,New Content Soon.

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:57:29 PDT

Yes, I've fallen into one of my too-busy time periods, and I DID have something recorded, just not edited. And now it's a little stale, so I'll work on whipping up something fresh for you folks!

In the meantime, Enjoy this sparkling bit of evil, from none other than Emperor Palpatine!

Episode 036 - Is there a Horrible Dr. In the House?

king@computerkingonline.com (H.R. Tucker) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:58:25 PDT

Well, My Henchmen,

I'm going to try to put out the first full synopsis/review of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

I just finished the final Act, and I'm slapping things together.

I also managed to put in promos for double trouble with Pip Ballantine & Tee Morris, AND for Pseudopod.

That's a lot of fast work. Enjoy the review episode!

Stay Evil!!