Intuitively Healing

Repressed Emotions

2019-02-21T07:42:00.000-08:00

Hello blog world...

I seem to have tons of thoughts flowing through me at the moment and the best way I can get them out is to write! Hopefully you don't mind some light reading ;)

A few occasions throughout this blog you have seen me mention the fact that many autoimmune diseases as well as fungal infections such as Candida is triggered and manifested and can actually grow to an uncontrollable level because of the repressed emotions our body clings too. This will not be the last time I talk about this either!

Metaphysical or spiritual causes of candida may include relationship issues, fear of authority figures (mom and dad), doing too much for other people, frustration, anger, energies feeling scattered, confusion, feelings as if we are not worth it, feeling as if other people are more important than you and more. Even if we follow the "diet" to the T, if we don't do the hard, digging deeper, gritty, emotional work...we will continue to live with the autoimmune diseases, hormonal imbalances and candida imbalance in our body. We have to get to the root cause to solve the issues for good.

Some of us have deep rooted fears from childhood that we have pushed deep down and we continue to tell ourselves that "it's OK"...and we are "alright" without ever revisiting the situation and releasing those emotions. Putting up with the disease in your body is almost like a defense mechanism. Your body will attack itself with things like candida, MS, diabetes, thyroid disease, asthma, allergies, arthritis, and more. It's a pattern of feeling hopeless, helpless, powerless and it's a pattern we continue to repeat. These emotions get stuck in the body and diseases spiral out of control.
I'm not sure about you but I was a particularly sensitive child. I picked up on things like adults fighting around me, I tried to get into the middle to alleviate those arguments but I would then take on some of the aggression and nasty feelings stemming from those arguments. I held onto the negative things adults would say to me, and I would let bullies walk all over me. I grew up in an unhealthy competitive environment that was a breeding ground for negatively attacking my physical body and how it looked and I developed an unhealthy relationship to food and self medicated with it and developed a nasty chronic binge eating disorder. Followed by restriction. This continued into adulthood and I guess I didn't recognize (or I didn't want to recognize) the nasty cycle I was in. It spread into all aspects of my life including my romantic relationships and friendships and also played a role in poor decision making throughout my late teens and early twenties.

The Candida symptoms worsened into my late twenties. From athletes foot, to water blisters that would burst and crack into painful red swells on my hands, dry brittle hair, recurring yeast infections, mild depression and a desire to want to hide away because all of the nasty symptoms coming out of every pore for the world to see. I was physically and emotionally in pain and it made for quite the unhealthy mix.

Now I am working on all these things I mentioned above. I have gotten the binge eating undercontrol and no longer have the desire for it. I am hoping to tackle the candida and hidden baggage head on. I am still quite sensitive discovering that I am infact an empath...however I am learning healthy coping mechanisms to let that energy flow right through me rather than holding on to it or turning to food.

Blogging helps as well as keeping a journal about past and present feelings as well as meditation. I am determined to solve this at the root and hopefully you will come along for the ride!

Until Next time!

XO Jocelyn

Il Dolce Far Niente

2019-02-18T16:15:00.000-08:00

Hello friends!
I have been taking a little time off from sharing my eats lately. I have felt a pull to share more writing, more thoughts, more life experience if you will. I feel like our emotional experience here on Earth is just as important as what we eat and what we do on a daily basis. Of course, it is all connected.

Hope you are all doing well on this delightfully sunny day. You know if I'm on here then that means I've been thinking and thinking leads to me sharing with you (lucky ducks) so, if you would be so inclined to sit back and read a little of my thoughts!
I must preface this with the fact that I had entitled this blog post "balance" because it is...all about balance and imbalance - however I changed the title to reflect what my personal balance is all about and how I arrived there.

I believe that so many by products of our modern world has lead to so much toxicity and disease in our body like all of the new fad diets, modern medicine(ignoring herbs our ancestors used), lack of sleep, work stress and the fact that society likes to worship busyness. All of these things together create an unhealthy imbalance in our life.

Think of our life like a spider web - each web leads to different aspects of our life and things we devote our time too; family time, friendships, work obligations, groceries, meal prep and cooking, house maintenance, get togethers, physical activity, SLEEP (so important), taking care of our furry friends, hobbies and more. If we overload this web with too much of something or too much of it all - it creates an imbalance thus breaking the web (our body) and it all comes crashing down leading to disease, physical and emotional ailments, lack of money and resources, stress, anxiety and more. We become burnt out, fragile, distant and sick of it all.

For me I had to learn the hard way about balance and imbalance and from a young age too. Although I'm thankful I went through it all and it has taken quite some time to figure out what a good balance is for me and my body/lifestyle and how to unravel from being stuck in an imbalanced body and life. I will say this, it's trial and error and it's different for everybody. Sometimes we think we can do it all, handle it all, want it all but we quickly realize that, that could not be further from the truth.
When I was younger I thought I wanted to be a professional dancer. I spent at least 3-4 mornings per week in high school at the studio before classes. I spent every free evening as well as most of the day Saturday at the studio. Sometimes I even spent Sundays there if it was competition season. Don't get me wrong though, I LOVED dancing, I loved being on the stage, I loved the makeup, sparkly costumes and spending time with my dance friends and I created some amazing memories however the older I got and the more I thought about the fact that I didn't even realize what I was missing out on, the more I grew distant of it all.

I started to resent dance. And I hated feeling that way. Not to mention I was diagnosed with a thyroid condition very young and became easily burnt out. I wanted to know that I could be good at more than just dance. I wanted to try new things. Most of all I just wanted to be STILL for a second. I wanted to eat my meals at a table - not in the car on my way to dance. I wanted to hang out after school with friends, I wanted to catch my favorite TV shows, I wanted to spend some time outside. I wanted to go to bed early and not be sore all over from 6 hours of dance class the next morning. I was a high school student who wanted to "play" outside. I missed most of my youth with hours logged in the studio. I wanted to enjoy my favorite foods without guilt of gaining weight or fear of not fitting into certain costumes. I wanted to NOT be an emotional mess all of the time. I wanted to experience the simple things that every young person should. I just wanted to be happy and carefree. I wanted to be healthy. Reality was, I was a burnt out teenager and it all manifested through autoimmune issues. I could likely add adrenal fatigue to that list as my cortisol levels were all over the place due to high stress and yo yo dieting.

Maybe I went about it the wrong way as I was young and hormonal and kind of mixed up if I'm honest. I could NOT function the way I had been living anymore and I remember the moment I quit - it was a shock to my parents and dance family - and quite understandable that it upset the people who meant the most to me but I remember in that moment despite all the hurt I had caused others I felt like a free bird. And I decided at the young age of 16 to never get so busy again. To never say yes to things that I no longer wanted to do or participate in.

I started participating more at school - in field hockey and soccer, spent some time volunteering, experienced my first romance ok..maybe I had one or two romances lol hey it was high school after all, ate way too much junk food (ok, maybe went overboard with it) after starving myself for so long. I put my all into my grades and got into University. I traveled with friends and went to concerts. I experienced a bit of life. I actually did go back to dance but to a more relaxed environment. I danced twice per week in my favorite genre of dance, tap, and I even competed with that studio. It wasn't stressful though, it was just fun. I was doing it for myself. And it was all on my terms. I didn't feel busy and I wasn't doing things for the sake of doing them. I said yes on purpose to the things that made me feel good and felt comfortable enough to say no when it started feeling like too much or if it stopped being fun. Most importantly, I had down time to breathe.

And maybe people don't really get my philosophy on this topic but then again they didn't live my life and they have not walked in my footsteps. I think some might see it as lazy...but I don't feel that way at all. I am pretty steadfast in allowing nothing to create that imbalance that I felt back then into my life. I can feel my anxiety and stress creep up when things get too busy and too hectic in my life. And I will shut it down quite quickly. I know sometimes we go through hectic periods in life but overall I feel like we can control our environment and what we agree to participate in somewhat.

Society has us glorifying busy - so much so that we don't even know why we are busy. We aren't even being productive! And make no mistake busyness is not productivity. People act like it's cool...like it's a "thing" to keep busy. People please!!! STOP glorifying busy. And why do we do it? To mask the real issues we might be facing in our lives? Perhaps...there is always a root cause to our madness. Are we afraid to be alone with our thoughts? Afraid to disconnect? Afraid to be kicked out of our social circles? Afraid to be the black sheep? Afraid to realize how toxic our busy bodies have become? You tell me....

A few years ago when the book and movie eat,pray, love was released I resonated with it so deeply and took the catch phrase from that movie which I found perfectly summed up my philosophy on life...

"Il Dolce Far Niente" Italian for...the sweetness of doing nothing.

Now, Im not saying you need to take a trip to Italy, India and Bali to find yourself and realize what sort of balance you must create in your life to really appreciate it or to figure out whats important to you. But have you ever just took a moment to sit and really think about it? Are all of the things you try to cram into your day or feel necessary to say "yes" too really necessary? Do they improve your well being? Do they help you sleep at night? I'm going to guess - NO. Mostly not. When you feel busy is it stroking your ego? Probably, yes.

I had to get to the point of breakdown, physical and mental exhaustion to realize what a mess "busy" had created in my young life. My break down looked like thyroid disorder, adrenal fatigue and candida issues. This is what manifested in my body.
I have written about this a bit before and sorry to be a broken record but I truly believe that living your best life is an art form. It's going back to the basics, the way our grandparents lived. Sitting out on the porch watching your kids play...or in my case my fur baby. Feeding the birds. Admiring the flowers that have popped up over night. Being able to say no to unnecessary obligations and events without explanation. Cooking a meal for yourself using the best ingredients and sitting at a table to slowly eat it, alone with your thoughts. Reading the newspaper, walking to the library, checking out some books and getting lost in another world. It's being able to unwind from the hectic life that we have created for ourselves. It's about carving out downtime and making the most of it. Our body, mind and spirit deserve and demand it.

Do you glorify busy? Do you feel pushed into being busy? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
XO Jocelyn

Spirituality and My Journey

2019-02-13T13:18:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone!

It's a Winter Wonderland out there today. Hope you are all staying safe and warm.

I have decided to take a few days off of sharing foodie posts and share a little more thoughts and writing :) For today I want to share an article I wrote and is now in the February/March issue of Infinity Health magazine. You can find my particular article, "Rising Above The Chaos into Consciousness"; about my journey with disordered eating and dealing with candida and autoimmune here. This goes a little deeper into my spiritual journey and thoughts when dealing with something like binge eating and candida.

Let me know your thoughts!

What Overcoming Disordered Eating Has given to me - New Lease on Life

2019-02-04T11:51:00.000-08:00

To preface this you can read my first letter to Binge Eating Disorder here

Exactly like in the title - learning how to cope with and recover from BED/disordered eating, the process has lead me to a new lease on life. A new fresh take on life, if you will.

You might be reading this like - say what? Jocelyn...nothing good can come from living many of the best years of your life with any sort of eating disorders. You have every right to be bitter, angry, moody, mad at yourself, mad at the world, flinging blame everywhere. Uh...no. I beg to differ. Coming out of that mess and realizing my worth, realizing how amazing life can be, realizing that I have another chance at living my best life - is worth every ounce of pain and confusion. Realizing that FOOD is not the enemy, my body is not attacking itself, I don't need to be in weight loss mode 100 percent of the time no matter how big or small I am, it's ok to take a break. It's OK to have pizza for lunch and a big salad for dinner. It's OK to have a cheese burger one night and homemade soup the next. It's ok to practise gentle exercise like walking outside or yoga and still be able to reach healthy weight loss goals.

What over coming disordered eating has given/taught me

The ability to slow down - patience
The brains to question, research and study everything
Appreciating real, home cooked food
Appreciating the "experience" of meals
Ability to trust my guts - intuitively eating and healing
Expressing myself creatively
Spirituality
Realizing what I do and don't want to do ever again -patterns repeating themselves

Let me go through these one by one.

The ability to slow down - patience

For many years of my life I was on the yo-yo dieting train. I think my first diet was when I was 8 years old. Shocking and sad all at once but not really out of the norm these days. I bounced around (even until recently) trying all sorts of fad diets. I never learned how to be patient with myself. The weight didn't pile on over night and it definitely won't come off over night. I had to learn that the best thing for me and my system would just be eating and cooking clean, real, simple foods and partaking in gentle exercise like walking or yoga. I aim to mostly cook at home - we try our best for that unfortunately it doesn't always happen the way we would like it. But we are trying. I also try not to beat myself up for eating out or getting take out on occasion. I was a very busy "on the go child" Very heavily involved in the world of dance and competitive dance. Meals would be eaten on the go in the car to the next lesson and again I was always putting undue stress on my body from a young age to fit the typical dancer mold - to be thin and athletic. I was always the chunky child. I never really fit the mold and sadly didn't have the best support to realize it was OK that I didn't fit that typical ballerina profile. Taking time to sit at the table and enjoy my food or go for a stroll and enjoy the sights and sounds of nature and to learn how to really stop and meditate...these are all things that have really helped me intuitively heal myself.

Question everything, Research everything, study everything

I haven't gone into great lengths about this but I have lived for many years of my life unknowingly with a bad candida overgrowth. I also was diagnosed borderline hypothyroid when I was 9/10 years old. I don't suppose much was known back then about thyroid health and diet but typically if you have thyroid issues you should avoid gluten, dairy, and greasy carbs. I grew up eating ALL of those things in mass quantities. I also didn't realize why I had all these freaky symptoms until i visited with a natural doctor and nutritionist. From the age of 17+ I would live with weird dry skin, cracks and rash all over my hands that even a dermatologist could not figure out what it was and would prescribe steroid creams that would make it worse, terrible UTI and yeast infections, thrush in the mouth, intense sugar cravings, brain fog, and just in general a feeling of pain all over the body. As a child growing up I was pumped full of antibiotics instead of being allowed to let my body fend off sickness and infections for myself. I had tons of antibiotics for constant ear infections and asthma. I was also put on birth control quite young to control PMS, hormonal acne and more as well as accutane for really bad cystic acne I had. All of these heavy medications clog up and damage a perfectly healthy functioning liver which then creates havoc in the body. Add on top of it a binge eater who can't get enough sugar...it was the perfect storm for bad candida infection. Since then I have really looked into the affects of these mainstream medications and I only ever take antibiotics now when ABSOLUTELY necessary (aka last year when I had strep throat for a month) I urge you, if possible, really take a look at the medications you and your children take. Go the most natural route whenever possible. I have tons of natural herbal remedy books and subscribe to podcasts whenever possible to learn more.

Learning to appreciate and to cook food at home

This is pretty self explanatory. I fell into the trap of eating out, boxed, greasy, sugar laden foods a great deal of the time. Somewhere along the way I forgot what my grandmothers taught me - the importance of decent home cooked food. Food that you create at home with real, honest ingredients and that you know everything that is put in that dish. We still eat out from time to time - but nothing like I did before. Especially in my college and university years - I wasted so much money and time eating fast food just because I thought it was easier. AKA I was lazy and uninformed. I think so many health issues could be solved by people cooking and eating their meals at home. I do strive for this although we still do eat out from time to time ( hello McDonalds breakfast or Superbowl pizza) like I said..I am human, not perfect...

Check out this Ted Talk video below on this topic. I wasn't raised this way. But I am learning now as an adult.

Appreciating the Experience of meals

As mentioned above - for a great deal of my life I was always on the go. Always eating the next meal as I got to school, after school on the way to dance or after dance on the way home because it would be too late to eat once I got home. I'm not placing blame on anyone - it's no ones fault. Looking back it is what it is. Many families with active children in various programs do the same thing today and it will continue to be that way. When I was in university and college it became the norm to eat in my bedroom (even worse on the bed), at wacky hours due to studying, or just picking up fast food to go. It is quite typical in North America. It's not so typical across Europe. Did you know that in areas of France they are given a few hours off at lunch to cook and eat meals at home with family or friends? True, they eat lots of things like bread, meat and cheese but it's all quality, home grown and cooked and served fresh and in small amounts. They also enjoy it at the table, savouring it over a few hours while conversation is enjoyed. The company and ambiance (nice dishes, nice table wear, location) is just as important as the meal served. The meal isn't rushed or long forgotten afterwards. I think that's something that we North Americans typically miss the mark on. We are too busy, too much in a rush to make meal time important. I really enjoy sitting down in the evenings to enjoy dinner and conversation with my husband

Intuitively Eating and Healing

I think one of the most important things to come out of this whole mess was the ability to see and feel the importance of intuitive eating. Not subscribing to one more fad, trend or diet. To really understand and feel what my body is needing or wanting and knowing the difference! To learn what hunger feels like. Sometimes my body wants dessert - that's OK - as long as I'm still filling it with what it needs. I might go through a period where I eat less carbs, less gluten , less sugar - it's OK - it's not a diet, just a choice for that specific time and day. Nothing needs to be so restrictive and strict. It makes food, cooking, meal time full of misery. I mentioned to a friend the other day that food had become so overwhelming to me and I really just lost my love of good food, cooking it, eating it and serving it as well. I've learned the importance of enjoying a good detox and what it can give to the body to get it functioning properly again (detoxing the liver especially) I've learned the importance of meditation, slowing down and really feeling into what my body is needing on any given time or day. This is so important and profound to me that I named my website after it ;) Our body loves us. Our body is amazing. Our body is not attacking itself (my doctor would tell me this at 9 years old) due to the hypo thyroid diagnosis. But this could not be further from the truth. I refuse to beat myself up over what my next meal is going to be. I am not perfect. I am human.

Expressing myself creatively - finding new hobbies

When you are working on intuitively healing your body and your life - it's a good idea to find hobbies and ways to express yourself as an outlet and fuel to keep yourself going through the process as it can be hard and uncomfortable. This can be anything from gym classes, gardening, joining local clubs etc. I personally found for me that writing everything down from stories and experiences of my past to even keeping the food journal online really helped me to continue on this path. Sharing with other people in hopes of finding some sort of common ground, sharing the pain and trauma but finding the rainbow together...finding others out there like me. That's what helps me. If sharing my stories can help one person then that is worth it to me. There is many things that I would like to learn and do and it's never too late.

Spirituality

I have shared a little bit about what I like to call my spiritual awakening. Although I have always had this "spiritual" side to me - I believe the start of my spiritual awakening really helped me figure out my purpose in life and ultimately helped me figure out how I would go about healing myself. I couldn't NOT heal myself. I could no longer remain stagnant. The people I have come into contact with along this journey and resources they have shared with me since "the awakening" have helped me to learn how important things like shadow work is and how important consciousness is to the healing process of body, mind and spirit. This process is about so much more than just losing weight. I will be touching more on this as time goes on. It's an integral part to my puzzle and I think could help many people out there along the way too.

Breaking The Patterns

I do talk a lot about my past this is true...but it helps when i put it down on paper or type it out. It helps me let it go. I realize how skewed my view of food had gotten and if I ever have kids I never want them to have that attitude towards food and life. Food is just food, there is no good food or bad food, kids shouldn't be dieting, we should enjoy meals at the table and learn to cook good simple food. If we follow simple concepts such as these...obesity wouldn't become such an issue as we try to become healthy, functioning adults. Learn to love your body TODAY. Learn to love getting outside for a walk and releasing yourself from what the end result might look like (# of pounds lost) Release yourself from counting points or calories. For many years I was stuck in a binge/starve/diet/over exercising cycle. And it didn't do my body good. It didn't do ANYTHING good for me. In fact, progress slowed down for me. The harder I worked the less things happened for me.
It's time to slow down, my friends. Take it moment by moment and start enjoying your life now.

It took me over 15 years to get here...this is just what I have learned from much reflection. Do you have anything to add? Drop a line below :)

Dog Owner Life: Through the trenches

2019-01-17T17:13:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone!

Another day alive thank you Universe.

After getting Brent off to work and Lola fed plus taken out I had coffee...ya it's becoming a problem! What happened to my "only have coffees on weekend rule?" This is why I try not to make plans. Anyways I had two coffees and a bowl of cornflakes with almond milk and a bowl of fruit.

Before lunch I got Lola out for a walk. She was being calm on the leash so I made the decision to continue on and we went our 30 minute walk. It felt great. After over 2 weeks of sickness I am on the up and up. It also seems like Lola's hormones are balancing out as she wasn't as bad on the leash today. Still some pulling and wanting to jump and greet passerbys but as our vet said this week. In all honesty Lola is a typical chocolate lab albeit perhaps a touch more high strung than some, she is still in puppy mode. No matter how much training or how consistent, no matter which fancy collar you try to use, this is how she will be for a few more years. It's just a matter of going through the trenches with her 😬 If you don't have or never have had a lab, particularly a chocolate than you don't know!
We have been on a wild ride with this Chocolate Lab of ours. My best advice to a new lab owner would be: a tired lab is a happy and well behaved lab :)

After our walk and playing in the yard :) Don't worry...the nap didn't last long! Sneak lick attack!

Lunch consisted of 1.5 toasted turkey sandwich. Gluten free bread topped with turkey, tomato, cheese, mayo and lettuce.

Brent called on his way home from work. A buddy from work had KFC for lunch and Brent was craving it so he asked if it would be alright if he brought some home for dinner. Um...don't have to pull my arm sweetheart! Dinner ready for tonight and doubles for lunches tomorrow?? Sweet!
I had two pieces of chicken, some fries with gravy and coleslaw.

This reminded me of mother and fathers day growing up. We would go to my mom's parents house and we usually would get KFC as a treat. Every other holiday my grandma would cook a huge meal. But mothers and fathers day they took the day off ;)
We also had a slice of chocolate cake by McCain's also from KFC ...aka Canadian crack.

I have some different posts lined up for the week! Stay tuned.

Open Letter to Binge Eating Disorder: What you have taken from me

2019-01-11T16:33:00.000-08:00

As much as I would like to think that this cruel disorder has not "taken" anything from me...that would be a lie...it would be me escaping from my previous reality. I also write this not to dig up the past but to explain to the world how messy things can get when you travel down the path of disordered eating. We hear so much about certain eating disorders but not so much about others. As someone in recovery it's important to share my story in hopes that it will reach people who need to read this or perhaps friends/family of people going through this.

This is my letter...this is part of my story.

Dear Binge Eating Disorder:

Lets start off as a child...you dug your claws in young and taught me from the start to fulfill myself with food in secret. You taught me to dislike eating in front of others which still, to this day makes social gatherings kind of awkward for me. You set me on the path of yo-yo dieting young. I would add an unnecessary amount of stress and pressure on my body which would lead to things like autoimmune, early PMS and anxiety. You taught me to self soothe with unhealthy food and an unhealthy amount of food rather than things like nature, friendship or exercise. You taught me to hate food even though I have now learned to love it. You taught me to be obsessed with my body, body fat, looks, clothing etc. I always felt the need to be put together in public. You made me spend many days in front of the mirror analyzing every roll. Many of my memories are consumed by you.

Next...you took away a great portion of my teens and most of my 20s. Every friendship, every relationship, almost every situation was governed by this nasty disorder. I grew very introverted and shied away from being outside in public. I would lay in bed and eat all day and night and nobody really knew how to help me because ...well there was never really that much information on it. Plus I was really good at concealing things except for the crazy amount of weight gain.

People just thought I was a fat, lazy slob. It got in the way of how I performed academically and socially. All I could think about was getting that next high off that next binge - like a drug addict on cocaine. I remember one instance where I went out for coffee with some friends in my university days...on the way home I picked up mcdonalds and ate that, I then ate dinner with my roomates and after that I ordered Swiss Chalet take in which was enough for 3 people to eat. I thought my roomates had all left but turned out that they came back early. I will never forget the confused and horrified look on their faces when they watched me run upstairs to my dingy little room with 4 bags of takeout. It wasn't their job to understand and probably past their realm of comprehension anyways. Another night passed out, sore, dehydrated, full of gas and heartburn - but also like a feeling of relief. I can never really describe it and you probably won't understand unless you have been through it. With that being said...lots of friendships crumbled and I don't blame them for distancing themselves from me at that point in time.

This disorder was developed over a really long time and progressed slowly but surely. It was the culmination of many things and I just wasn't able to cope or wade through the mud at that age and stage in my life and didn't really have many people to help me through. It's definitely an uncomfortable situation and many people would rather choose to ignore uncomfortable situations or pretend they don't exist. Some people just don't feel equipped to help. When I quit dance and had all of this new freedom I basically didn't really know how to handle it all. I went balls to the wall from crazy regimented routine to 100 percent freedom. Why this happened to me? I'm not quite sure but theres a lesson somewhere and here we are today. Many people don't ever get out of the binge eating cycle...so I'm greatful that I have managed too. I don't eat as healthy as I would like to but I'm taking babysteps there every day.

You took so much of my life. You broke my spirit. Took my innocence. Stomped on my passions. Buried my self confidence and put lasting damage on my liver, organs and immune system. You filled me with a candida overgrowth that I still sometimes struggle with today. You set my emotions on a rollercoaster of cruel lows yet sometimes life was good so I had to balance it all and conceal those emotions to myself - crying myself to sleep most nights. I don't write this for pity or for some strange satisfaction. But to give others hope that just because you have lived my story or are living my story...it won't define you. You can and will wade through the mud and dig yourself out. It might take 30 years but you will get there. If you are dealing with BED or any sort of eating disorders/struggles or know someone that might be...please reach out to them. Send me a message and I will lend a shoulder/ear/safe place.

Christmas is Over! What to expect in 2019...

2019-01-07T09:11:00.000-08:00

This photo was taken after the last big Christmas/New Years meal ;) Food hungover!

Christmas is over and we are back to the routine in this household! Here's what you can look forward to in the next few months at Intuitively Healing;

Continue with my food and movement log

Add more fruits and veggies into the daily routine

More vegetarian recipes

Celery juice Monday-Friday mornings and results after a few months

Adding gentle yoga/movement to my walking/fitness routine

More writing and sharing about my past,present and future as a recovering binge eater

A bit more about my spiritual journey and beliefs

More photos of LOLA (lol)

Family life and friend posts

Interviews

and so much more!

Thanks for sticking with me into 2019.

XOXO Jocelyn Marie

Freedom from "food worry"

2018-12-31T06:06:00.001-08:00

This has been one of the best Christmas holidays for me in a really really long time. I have had minimal anxiety around the food I am choosing to eat or not eat and what I'm choosing to drink or not drink. So many years I have been stuck in a dark,gloomy head space all connected to food, calories, weight gain etc.In previous years holidays have been a miserable time for me. It really makes for an unenjoyable holiday and a stressed out Jocelyn. I think sharing my food and movement log has helped tremendously this year. Because at the end of the day it's just food. I have worked so hard to break negative connections with it. Eating what I want and moving a little every day has given me new perspective going into 2019. Are there changes I want to make after looking at my food log? Definitely. Will I be doing it slowly so that I don't freak out or get overwhelmed...absolutely. Slow and steady wins the race. Little changes made over time lead to big results! Maybe this isn't the best advice but then again I'm no guru.

I'm not saying to binge or ruin your healthy patterns. I'm just saying...be around the people you want to be around. Do what you wanna do on this last day of 2018. Eat what you want to eat. But don't forget to slow down and savour each bite and moment.Don't dwell on it. Whatever produces the least amount of stress. Do that! Hope you all have a wonderful New Years Eve.

Self Care - We define it

2018-12-30T06:26:00.000-08:00

Hello friends,

I wrote this sometime last year while I was on another candida cleanse. So as you can tell I was definitely in my feelings. I thought this was a good time to share it here as we go into 2019.

While I'm on this Candigone anti fungal cleanse it got me thinking about "self care." While self care is extremely important while on a cleanse it's also important to incorporate it into our every day life. I've been seeing quite a bit around the internet lately on what exactly self care is and specifically this quote "self care isn't all lush baths and chocolate cake" is stuck in my head.
And I'll be damned.....
What gives someone else the right to define what self care is for ourselves?
Self care is something so personal and only we can define what that looks like for us. When I was going through a really hard time a few years ago in a certain situation self care to me was taking a bus to the mall...walking around aimlessly, spending far too much money on lush bath stuff - I'm talking 300.00 worth of bath bombs people!! Taking long hot baths, tuning out from social media, indulging in way too much coffee and subway and lots and lots of sleep. Self care to me now is doggy cuddles, spending time doing my makeup and hair, diffusing essential oils, chats and outings with the bestie, chats with my husband, a long hot shower, choosing tea over coffee and cutting sugar from my diet.
Whatever you have to do to be OK is what you need to be doing this very moment. A close friend of mine chooses exercise, running, yoga and things of that nature for her self care. That's what relaxes her and helps her grow inside and out. My husbands idea of self care is going fishing. He looks forward to his fishing trips all year and he comes back feeling completely refreshed and rejuvenated! To each their own. Nobody can tell you what exactly self care should look like for you but yourself. And nobody should be making you feel selfish for your self care habits either.
I believe as long as we are not "self-harming" ourselves than self care is going to be tailored to our individual needs. The bottom line is we can not pour from an empty cup. We can not give what we do not have to give. Think about that!! It doesn't matter if you are a mother of 10, a mother of two, a single lady-entrepreneur, a fur mom, this even goes for the men out there. Self care is an integral part to our emotional, spiritual, physical well being. All too often we get caught up in the busyness in life that we let ourselves fly by the wayside. There we are left to dangle in the wind, battered, bruised and weary. Since when did we all start to glorify "busy" anyways? Ugh...but that's another blog post for another day.
I remember when I did not feel worthy of self care. I was going through such a difficult period in my life. Stuck in a place of confusion and inner turmoil. Some days I wouldn't even leave my bed. At this point though, I didn't understand that all of the physical symptoms I was dealing with was candida and I didn't realize that my unhealthy emotional state was only adding fuel to the fire. It's so important that if you are living with a chronic condition such as candida (or even if you are perfectly healthy) that you find the time to fit daily self care into your routine. Think to yourself - does it make you feel good to put on a good movie and tune the world out? Does it make you feel happy to get out in nature and go for a long walk? Does it make you feel happy to walk aimlessly around a record shop and find your next favorite band? Does it make you feel happy to cook an extravagant meal? Whatever it is please...fit that in! Not only can it help your recovery but it's just good for the soul. Don't let me tell you what self care is for you (although I hope I have provided some good ideas!)
Just remember - that self care isn't a one time deal. It's a great preventative measure in our tool kit for survival and recovery. Don't let anyone tell you that it's selfish to take time out for YOU. The world will thank you.
I found this picture via pinterest and I absolutely love it....self care is absolutely taking your power back!Whatever that looks like for you, I hope you find it and do it as much as you can.

5 Ways to Cope with Holiday Stress as an Empath

2018-12-23T15:39:00.001-08:00

Hey guys!

Check out an article I wrote for Infinity Health Magazine "5 Ways to Cope with Holiday Stress as an Empath" The article is on pages 14-15 :) If you have anything to add for us fellow empaths please feel free to comment below!

While you are at it...grab a cuppa tea and sip your way through this entire beautiful magazine! Such a great way to fill your cup going into 2019.

Click below! <3

5 Ways to Cope with Holiday Stress as an Empath

Infinity Health Magazine - January

XOXO Jocelyn Marie

Growing up Empath

2018-12-22T17:42:00.000-08:00

Good evening!
I wanted to give a little background into growing up as a little Jocelyn. I also do want to say that I love my family, I love my parents. This is just my path and I had to go through it unknowingly to get to where I am today. We had many highs and many lows growing up and all is how it should have been.
I was the shy kid, the "introvert", the over emotional old soul. I suffered from asthma, lots of allergies, ear infections, got my period terribly early, horrific PMS and cramps, terrible and constant night terrors, I was always jumpy, scared and on edge, had the worst mood swings and was always so affected by my surroundings and environment. I didn't have very many friends and took comfort in alone time. I wasn't aware of the term "empath" until age 30. So as you can imagine I didn't have the easiest or most supportive environment and help to understand why I was the way I was in my early days. I had gut feelings about things - that I was different and not really the same as my peers and that things were going on in my body and with my emotions in particular. But I tried to stifle and ignore things instead of face them head on.
What I have learned now is that I was taking on my surroundings and other peoples emotions as my own and these emotions can get stuck if you don't learn from an early age to allow them to flow through you and they can quickly manifest disease throughout your body. At times I literally thought I was going crazy. I also had physical symptoms such as skin rashes, constant UTIs and lady infections, terrible acne and lots of viral cold and flus that just would not leave me. I had so much pain in my body - took many days off work (turned into THAT unreliable co-worker) which was so not me!I was holding onto so much anger, despair and sadness. It manifested into autoimmune. I truly believe this.
For the longest time I actually thought I had a gluten allergy but turns out it was the candida along with thyroid issues that had been taking over my body for so long that was causing everything to be out of wack. Candida (and your thyroid) can actually control so much in your body and can take on different forms that I actually still suffer from today such as PCOS, Digestive issues, skin ailments, chronic pain and fatigue and much more.On top of all of this the binge eating exasperated all of these symptoms.
In my case, holding onto so much emotional stress during and from my past caused a manifestation of candida throughout my body. And it did spiral out of control! This is a big reason that I am taking back control of my life. It's so important to eat well, get proper exercise, minimize stress level and have an outlet for your emotions...like for me writing - in order to deal with everything properly.

Just some thoughts for today! Are you an empath?

7 Ways to Incorperate Gentleness this Holiday Season

2018-12-21T16:26:00.001-08:00

7 Ways to Incorporate Gentleness this Holiday Season

The holiday season is generally a busy and stressful time for most people no matter what you celebrate. We rush from place to place, go into debt wanting to spoil loved ones, invade our good gut bacteria with a ton of sugar and processed foods, worry about family get togethers and in general run out of time to fit in everything we want to do and feel bad because of it. We are left feeling run down, stressed, anxious, dealing with anything from digestion issues to insomnia. As a newly discovered empath, I have definitely had my fair share of holidays like this and was unaware of how to cope most years. Now armed with knowledge from spirit, this year I have compiled a list of things we can do to turn within and find ways to be gentle with ourselves this holiday season and meet 2019 with joy, peace and renewed sense of self and discovery.

Unplug: These days we live in a social media powered world. Don’t get me wrong, it has many benefits but I feel like we have forgotten how we lived WITHOUT it. It creates many unnecessary stressors for many people. We could all greatly benefit from unplugging from social media devices for at least 2-4 hours per day. That includes texting and facebook as well as television. This is something I truly struggle with, but I know the more that I unplug, the more that I rediscover my center.

Meditate: Before learning that I was an empath I would soak up other peoples energies like a sponge. I wasn’t really aware of the benefits of meditation and quite frankly my “monkey mind” made it difficult for me to do so. I Started by dedicating 5-10 minutes each morning and evening to sitting in a comfortable, quiet location where I could work on gathering my thoughts, focusing on my breathing and detaching from anyone and anything I was involved with that day or setting intentions for the day ahead.

Fresh Air: Many people are not getting enough vitamin D these days. Even spending 20 minutes per day outside can greatly improve our mood and sense of well being. Nature is the best medicine. We all have this deep connection with nature but we allow it to pass us by, choosing to live our lives online and inside instead.

Gentle Exercise: Make it a habit to move a little this holiday season. I personally enjoy spending 30-45 minutes per day getting outside for walks with my dog. It improves circulation, gets rid of tension, boosts my mood and yes…helps me to keep in shape. Make sure you love the exercise you are doing and it will never become a chore.

Moderation: The holidays can be a time for lots of sugar filled treats and just “too much” in general. As a recovering binge eater I have learned that this is the best time to practice moderation rather than being a stone wall. Allow yourself your favorite treat and don’t beat yourself up over it. In the same respect, don't feel bad for saying no to Aunt Bessies cookies! Drink lots of water and herbal tea to fill your tummy up and just be mindful of what goes in. Don’t forget the probiotics! It’s important to replenish your good gut bacteria while indulging. Dive back into your regular healthy routine on the next day or even the next meal.

Say No and be ok with it: This is a difficult one but in the end necessary for ones sanity. Recently I did a poll on facebook asking people what their number one stressor was during the holiday months. Over 33 percent said that family gatherings and splitting up their time between two families was something major and caused the bulk of the worries. Well, I’m here to tell you that you are not a glass that can be broken into a zillion pieces. If your families cannot work with the times and locations then you have to set boundaries and stick to them. Don’t spend time with those who suck the energy out of you and don’t feel bad for saying no to certain “obligations”.

Fill Your Cup: Spend time with those who fill your cup, add a little extra sunshine into your life and help to restore your soul. Reconnect with good friends and amazing conversation face to face. These are the people you want to be linking arms with into 2019.

Happy Birthday Lola

2018-12-15T15:44:00.001-08:00

Happy first birthday to our sweet, protective, always weird always wild, always wonderful chocolate lab, Lola 💖💖💖 I promise to not put the hat on you again until next year 😂🐾💖

It has been a learning experience this year with Lola. She has such a sensitive belly and sensitive skin and special dietary needs that go along with that. We have been figuring it out as we go! Inviting Lola into our world created somewhat of a chaos with people who felt we should be having children right away instead of furrbabies. Not everyone loves dogs. I get that. But I'm a grown adult and will not bend or break my own opinions to appease those people. We love Lola. She is apart of our family and forever will be.

"Thorns may hurt you, men desert you, sunlight turn to fog; but you're never friendless ever, if you have a dog."

Re: Food Choices. Sometimes it's all about survival

2018-12-14T10:34:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday friends.

Well I have successfully completed 8 days of food & movement logging. You can check it out here if you have not already.

https://www.intuitivelyhealing.com/easy-blog

Edited to add: I now just post my daily eats on this blog. The easy blog App for some reason deleted all of my old updates! Just ignore the link above

As I look through this past 8 days of eating one word comes to mind. Survival. Why survival? Because as a recovering binge eater and emotional eater sometimes ANY meal or ANY food option is a success to me if it's not a binge. Hopefully you understand where I'm coming from. Sometimes depending on my mood, stress level, whats happening in the week etc...I don't have the energy or strength to care if I'm getting enough veggies in or how much sugar I have eaten or if something is organic or not. Sometimes all that matters is that I've had 3 square meals - nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes that is a win for me. Since the summertime I have been focusing on making little changes where I can - for example, walking more. In the summertime it was actually hard for me to walk. My legs would get sore very fast, I had a hard time breathing, got winded easily and gave up easily. Now I can easily walk for over an hour and I feel great. No breathing troubles, legs feel great, I can keep up with Lola and I can do it over and over and over again with minimal issues! I've noticed changes in my body, weight, stress levels and overall mood by getting out in the fresh air and moving my body almost daily. Not to mention Lola seems to be enjoying it ;)

Bottom line is, I have looked back over my food log and yes I see where I could be making changes, the need for more veggies and less refined options and smaller portions but I'm not beating myself up over it. Small changes over time; that's the goal.Speaking of which one small change Brent and I have been making is less caffeine (specifically coffee) We did not have coffee this week from Sunday to Thursday! We kept our goal of just enjoying coffee on the weekends. I've also been thinking about trying a juice challenge next week. I'm going to try having celery juice each morning for breakfast from Monday December 17th to the 21. I'm not sure how my taste buds will feel about this but we shall see. I have been reading up on the benefits of celery juice - especially if you drink it on an empty stomach in the morning and I think it could be really beneficial for me! I specifically heard about the benefits for the first time from "The Medical Medium" Check this out!

It seems like something so simple and affordable that I could be doing that might give me some amazing results and benefits!

Stay tuned :)

Family Photos

2018-12-10T17:40:00.000-08:00

Hello friends!

Just wanted to take a moment to share some recent family photos taken of myself, my husband Brent and our furr baby Lola. I have been feeling good lately and chugging along! If you have not noticed, I have added a new section to the website. You can now check out my "food and movement log" which is updated at the end of each day :) Also...Oh boy...I just figured out that I have had a mistake in the contact area of the website for awhile now. My email is in fact jocelynm86@gmail.com - so if you have tried to contact me and it did not go through that would be why!! Big apologies.

Anyways enough rambling!

Thank you to Emptage photography <3

And a BIG thank you to my best friend Chantel for helping to make this possible! She was a champ and held Lola while we had some photos taken! Not an easy feat. The dog is a tank.

Stop Asking Me...

2018-12-03T13:28:00.000-08:00

I hate that I have to share this but I feel it's of great importance for me and all women. I shared this on my facebook profile yesterday with the following video by Oneika the Traveller. Couldn't have said it better myself! . We've been married a year now and I'm not a ripe 20 anymore.🤷‍♀️ 🙄The questions have been coming including the disappointed looks, passive aggressive comments, suggestions and general expectations 😂 I hate being rude to people and avoid confrontation like the plague so mostly I make up a story each time someone asks me. It's a waste of time and super awkward.

I urge you to kindly stop asking people of any age...when they are going to have children. Also please stop assuming there's something wrong with me health wise since you know...its been a year and no baby. I've been taking care of myself for awhile now and think I'm doing a stand up job 👌✌️I've been pretty open and honest about my pcos issues because I think it's something many women experience these days but again, I'm taking care of myself and I feel great. We feel great and looking forward to achieving some awesome goals together in 2019 that may or may not include babies. Don't get me wrong. I love your babies. And so happy to see your families expand or stay the way they are! All of that your choice 💖 Yes... I have even been asked if I'm a baby hater 😂🙃

Either way it's our story to write, keep and/ or share together as husband and wife. That's two people if you were wondering

Spiritual Awakening of Sorts - "Flow and Grow"

2018-11-28T16:33:00.000-08:00

I wanted to touch on a little bit about spiritual awakenings/spirituality -if that’s what you can call it. I don’t pretend to be perfect in spirituality but I hold my own beliefs. I believe in God and attend Brent's Church (we go together) periodically on Saturday evenings. I am not Catholic or really religious at all, however, Brent and his family are Catholic. I grew up in a traditional protestant household (Scottish) and attended Sunday School when I was young but really was not a religious household – which I’m kinda thankful for! It allowed me to grow my beliefs as I felt necessary and instead of being forced on me – something I just sort of found..for myself. Brent grew up in a traditional Catholic household where you just went to Church, prayed before you ate and all of those traditions. Therefore we are working on blending our faith together and figuring out what is right for us. Some of my personal beliefs are a little different (or maybe a lot) different from the Catholic church – but I still take comfort in going to a community of believers and praying for ourselves and loved ones from time to time. I do believe that you don't have to go to church to believe in God or to pray. You can do that anytime anywhere! Yahoo! But just to preface, I also believe in the universe, mediums, mystics, SPIRIT. All that jazz. Which I guess most "typical" believers - choose not to believe in.

In the weeks leading up to the wedding last November I believe I started to go through a more intense spiritual awakening that I certainly was not expecting nor was I prepared for! I believe it has and will continue to contribute a great deal towards my physical, emotional and spiritual healing. It lead me to learning about what an empath was, that I was one, and that I soaked up my surroundings like a sponge.

I felt intense energy around me that was certainly not my own and Brent and I continued to see signs everywhere. From 11:11 (constantly…and I mean CONSTANTLY) To random deer running out in front of our truck immediately after I would say; “be careful for Animals Brent”….this doe jumped out in front of our truck and just stared at us for a minute. We both got goosebumps.

I would wake up every single night at the same time and just feel the energy. It lead me to getting some medium and intuitive readings done. I heard messages from grandparents (specific messages) whom have been gone from this earth for some time now. I really do believe my grandparents and angels have been and are constantly surrounding us and guiding us along this journey we call life, pushing us into things that are just meant to be and pushing us to be the best version of ourselves. It’s up to us to use our intuition (That first gut feeling we get) and be open enough to receive these messages!

I believe this awakening came into my life at the perfect time and has guided me onto my true life path which actually includes writing this very blog! I feel like my life has come full circle. I had a semi successful food blog back in 2009. I really enjoyed sharing my bites and about my weight loss journey. I found it very cathartic. Unfortunately I gave up on that blog not long after it started. Funnily enough, I had many mentors tell me that I should be writing. "Drop everything and write. Write as much as you can about whatever is in your head and heart. Just start!!" They really gave me some good direction. Direction which I had been lacking lately.

Now this is where it gets slightly interesting. Although I sort of knew that I've always been relatively different to those around me - shy, introverted, VERY emotional, very sensitive, very intuitive. I would pick up on feelings, certain ailments easily and tend to just KNOW things off the top of my head for no good reason.I experienced debilitating night terrors as a child and well into my teens. I didn't really understand why that was, though...until I had these readings and some amazing mentors really got to the heart of it and helped me to understand. "Like dude...you have some amazing spiritual abilities that if you tap into them could be really helpful to those around you" I don't live under a rock. I have heard of these abilities before and always wondered about how and/or why i seemed to know things without doing some research first. Basically I am a messenger of the truth you need to hear. The more I have pulled the truth out of myself and the more I heal myself...the better I can be of service to you all. What a trip, right!? Basically what it comes down to if you want to get all nifty with spiritual lingo: Claircognizance, clairaudence and automatic writing. I am also highly empathic. Although I don't really put myself into any category or box. These things are ever changing and evolving and I try to go with the flow of things as I learn, practice, serve and share.

That set me on a journey. This past year has been a journey of researching, reading, being mentored, learning, meditating, understanding, patience, frustration, bewilderment, sometimes a little scary! I wondered if others would think I'm crazy if I "came out" of the spiritual closet. Some might share laughs at my expense behind my back but that's a small price to pay for following my true life path and soul purpose. I am so thankful to have such a patience hubby! He deserves a trophy lol. I believe this spiritual path is definitely divinly guided and connected to my health journey as well...so I will definitely be talking more on this subject here!
It’s OK if you think this is all kind of “woo woo” and I welcome your opinions.

I am into all sorts of spiritual activities/hobbies now….I love collecting different gemstones for energy work and I also have a cool collection of Angel/Oracle cards. I absolutely love the uplifting msgs and artwork that you can receive from them with the right intuitive reader! 

I will touch more on my spiritual awakening later as it is every changing, ever growing, and I am still going through it! ” Flow and Grow” That’s the way I see it! 

And if you haven’t jumped ship yet – than thanks for sticking with me on this crazy journey!

XO Jocelyn

Finding the One - Despite the Baggage

2018-11-26T13:01:00.000-08:00

I thought I would write about something a little different today perhaps something uplifting and somewhat romantic. I see daily on my facebook feed, women (and men) frustrated with dating and finding “the one”. Extremely bitter and negative people giving up on their love life (and I get it…ive been there!) Finding and marrying the love of my life definitely forced me to step outside of my comfort zone. It wasn’t an easy road as the world of dating can sometimes be like a roller coaster of highs and lows. I had to go through 4-5 very hard (and immature) relationships to be able to be blessed with my soulmate. I’d rather not rehash or dwell on those older relationships rather let you know what lead me to Brent (my husband!)

Sick and tired of meeting people not matched to me and my personality, I decided to take a leap of faith and join eharmony.com. Despite what you may think (please open your mind people!) It’s a paid for site that matches people to your interests, mannerisms, hobbies, personality etc. Dang…they went DEEP into my psyche and I was pretty impressed with all of the questions and they got into the core of my personality, desires and mannerisms. I only went on one other (unsuccessful) date before being matched with and finding Brent!

We started talking in November of 2015. Thankfully he sent me a message. We quickly took our budding relationship to email and spent many days emailing back and forth about everything under the sun – family, jobs, hobbies, interests, goals etc. I definitely made him work for it. I made him wait about a month before we met up (I was a chicken!) I remember chatting with some co-workers about him and said his first and last name and one of them actually KNEW HIM and went to high school with him! Small world. I asked her what she thought of him and she said...”He is genuine” I knew I could trust this co-worker and so after that day we set a date in December to meet up at Coffee Culture. I remember clearly that day, walking in and seeing his smiling face there waiting for me and he greeted me with a friendly hug. Despite the nerves – conversation easily flowed as did many laughs. We enjoyed some hot drinks and than took a stroll to enjoy the Christmas lights at night. I took this that evening!

Pretty romantic...huh!? <3  

 After that stroll we didn’t want the date to finish (always a good sign!) so we actually went back to Coffee Culture to enjoy dinner. I remember him saying…“So this is going pretty well don’t you think??” Yes I think so, Brent! It went so well we agreed to have another date that week. I believe our second date was at an Indian restaurant. It was close to Christmas and he even brought me a gift (awww)Warm socks because my feet are always cold and lots of yummy teas! What a gentleman 📷 

After a few dates we were both fairly certain, early on how we felt about each other and where the relationship was heading. We decided to “become a couple” right before New Years Eve.

And it was an amazing yet mentally and physically exhausting year – for both of us. Lots of travel (and I mean LOTS) back and forth between Tavistock and Cambridge…to Kitchener and everywhere in between – plus Brent was away a lot for work to Japan which was hard but we survived it! Both of us take joy and pleasures in the little adventures (getting a frozen Timmies and going for a drive) late at night, for example. Even a trip to Costco is like a date for us!  📷 We are definitely suited towards each other….we avoid crowds and like things uncomplicated.

Brent continued to pursue me despite being in a relationship for a little while (and vice versa!) Which I think is always important!

Our first Valentines Day together was so fun!

We experienced everything together that year  – lazy days in, dates out, meeting the family, frustrations from work, sickness, surgery, long distance relationship at times due to travel and more – and our love just grew stronger. 

Ladies AND gentlemen…love shouldn’t HURT. I keep reading that…that true love hurts. I’m here to tell you that that is bullshit. Love doesn’t hurt and your partner shouldn’t be hurting you either. It should feel good, joyous, crazy at times, nerve wracking, happiness! Know your worth. Of course…love can’t always be a fairy tale (because that is an illusion). But you will always know what feels right and good. 

Slowly but surely I was pretty truthful right off the bat with Brent about my history of disordered eating, skewed self image, and general history of yo-yo dieting and negative relationship with food. He loved me and supported me despite all of that emotional baggage. And it is BAGGAGE...to both partners when in a relationship. One affects one will surely affect the other. If you are getting into a relationship or in a relationship with someone, I urge you to be open and honest about everything. It's only from the truth that we can be set free and that love can bloom properly. Lean on your partner and wonderful things can happen. It did for me. Brent has definitely played an immense role in my recovery and I don't think he will ever comprehend how thankful i am for that. 

It had been an amazing whirlwind time...almost a year. 

And then November 4th 2016 came…..

Brent took me to a walking trail that my grandparents and parents used to take me too all the time as a child.

And he proposed – surrounded by the most wonderful yellow leaves….and later we would find a picture of my grandma sitting at a bench scarily close to where he chose to propose (ok Universe…ok Grandma…THANK YOU – you found me Mr.Right 📷 )We let my parents know first and then brents – both super happy for us! Wow. I still get goosebumps seeing that old photo of my grandma near the very spot where Brent chose to propose! If that's not a sign...then I don't know what is! 

On November 4th 2016 I said yes to this amazing man. Whom loved me just as I was and I loved him just as he was. The universe does not care if you are not ready and my point is it doesn’t matter how you find him or her….love will find you and unfold in the most perfect for YOU (and maybe crazy manner!) Perhaps this isn’t the way you might find love but it was perfect for us. 

We got Married on November 5th, 2017. 

The months and weeks leading up to the wedding were calm. I didn't stress over losing weight or fitting into a dress. I bought a dress that fit me like a glove and needed very little alterations. Despite being at my highest weight I didn't do any crazy boot camps or restriction diets. I chose to honor our relationship by simply "not going there" I know many brides do...and I can understand why - but for me - it simply was not worth the stress.

it was the most magical and wonderful day 📷  And as I write this I struggle to hold back the happy tears! 

If someone like me can find love – introverted, empathic, homebody…can find love – I know you will too. Change your negative mindset to a positive one, take some chances and slowly you will attract just what you need. My world shifted in the days leading up to the wedding....my wedding triggered something in me and the universe and we collided. It would be the trigger to somewhat of an awakening for me. More on that coming soon! 

xoxo Jocelyn

Going with the Flow

2018-11-25T17:44:00.000-08:00

Good evening friends and happy Sunday.

Well things are all a go around the Dietrich home lately. We have been busy bees getting our Christmas decor out and attending family gatherings galore. I love the Christmas season. It's the one thing that has remained a constant source of happiness for me even while growing up. No matter what shit we were going through everyone stopped being dickheads around the holidays. lol.

I used to get all worked up because of all of the FOOD, FOOD, FOOD. I guess some of the anxiety is still there ....it always will be. I'm learning how to breathe that back out into the collective. It's not good to bottle that up and hold onto it. My food choices have been a little willy nilly lately but my weight is still maintaining or going down which is great. I am learning and practicing going with the flow of things. The leak soup update really set me up nicely! Still keeping on track with my 100 pound weight loss goal!Yesterday I had a honking slice of Hawaiian pizza and today at my nieces birthday party I had delicious burger, homemade potato salad as well as cake and icecream. I would likely feel better with less sugar and gluten (I KNOW my body and what makes it feel good) but cest la vie.

I came across this post via instagram stories from Candace Cameron Bure (actress from Full House and Fuller House) and it really resonated with me so I thought I would share it with you all! I used to really beat myself up up over the holidays rather than allow myself to just take it all in and enjoy it and get back to my regular scheduled routine the following day. Instead it was a downward spiral for me. Thankfully...for the most part, it's not usually like that anymore. I do have my moments, though.

Look at this beautiful cake my sister in law made! I couldn't say no ;)

In other news, I received the loveliest message today from a reader...and it really made me feel like I'm doing something right for once in my life. To know that I'm not alone in this life long struggle and that others have experienced the same kind of things that I have. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather nobody go through it....but it's nice to not be the only one. It also makes me want to write more, share more, put our heads together and get through this life together! Going forward I will try to share more of my daily food choices, thoughts, struggles, weight loss, physical pursuits and more.

Peace out everyone ...have a wonderful Sunday evening.

Progress

2018-11-21T17:24:00.001-08:00

Time for another update! I know many ppl don't like comparison pics but it helps me keep accountable. No diet, No pills, no potions, no magic coffee (I've left all the magical coffee groups I've been added too ✌️😂) just eating less and walking more. Trying new things, new recipes. Lots of water and herbal tea. More veggies and healthy fats. I fit treats in here and there. I do what intuitively feels good for me and my body. The inflammation in my face and gut is coming down. I'm feeling better and have more energy. That's what counts at the end of the day. NO going back. It's taken years to get a handle on the binge eating and skewed way of thinking about weight and body image and I'll try my best to share with you what has been working for me :)

www.intuitivelyhealing.com

Lessons From Lola

2018-11-13T11:25:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

This is a fun little blog I wrote last March. I'm working on transferring some of my faves over to the website and thought this had to be one of them :) I have included a recent photo of Lola at the end! Enjoy!

Originally Published: March 19, 2018

I thought this would be a cute one for ya! We can learn so much from pets and in my case dogs. I am 100 percent certain that Lola is part of my healing journey. She doesn’t always make things easy…but that’s part of the beauty of it all 

Life lessons and advice from Lola (my dog)

Eyes are your best feature

Eyes are the window to your soul and besides your personality and smile – they are your best feature! So use them to your advantage 

2. Cry as loud as you want too

Crying is cathartic. And it’s better out than in.

“It’s better to cry than to be angry; because anger hurts others. While tears flow silently through the soul and cleanses the heart.” – Pope John Paul II

When Lola cries…it’s usually her way of getting our attention and she’s not afraid to cry loud! Sometimes the littlest thing will make me cry (a t.v commercial for example) but then I’ll just be sobbing loud for the next 10 minutes. NO…I’m not crazy….but I feel so much better afterwards lol. Try it 

3. Eat when you are hungry – Intuitive Eating!

Lola is a growing pup. Right now she eats 3 meals a day just like you and me. She has an amazing nose and can sniff out where her food is from a mile away. Something I have struggled with is eating when I am hungry and when it’s necessary…not just when I’m bored or craving! If you can stick to it and learn this mind trick you are already ahead of the game!

4. Take lots of naps – rest when necessary

Lola is a high energy dog (most Labs are) …but she will be playing hard for an hour and then drop everything and like a light switch she will drop and nap whenever and wherever! I think we can learn a lot from dogs. NAPS ARE GOOD. NAPS ARE OUR FRIEND. Most of us have malnourished and stressed out bodies from diet, stress, work, worry, anxiety etc. A daily nap even the smallest nap…can and will go a long way. 

5. Cuddles are the best – hug more 

Need I say more?  I think it has been scientifically proven that a hug can drop your stress levels and just make you feel better and more secure! 

6. Find hobbies or things you like to do regularly

Lola has a wide variety of athletic pursuits 

She loves playing and fetching ball, chewing rope, going for walks and playing with her humans! It keeps her happy! We are no different. Find something you love and do it often or try new things whether you like to do group activities or individual pursuits – hobbies keep us happy and our mind active and takes us away from the little every day worries or annoyances. 

7. Surround yourself with people you love and will take care of you for life

Enough said! Surround yourself with loving family and friends. Don’t be afraid to cut the toxic ones out. 

8. Be Present and get over it

Dogs don’t dwell on things. They get over shit pretty fast – haha, literally! We can’t hold on to the past and we can’t worry about the future. All that we have is right now. 

9. Always greet good morning and good night!

Never a day goes by where Lola doesn’t wiggle her butt in happiness to say GOOD MORNING and trots in her crate at night and looks up at us to say night night. Never go to bed or wake up angry. Communication is key. 

10. Explore and Adventure (walk 30 minutes a day)

Walking is a great for so many things. It stretches your legs, builds muscle and stamina, gives you some vitamin D, fresh air and time away from social meda and stress. Walking takes you on a daily adventure! You are sure to see or smell something new every day

Somewhere In The Middle

2018-11-08T08:03:00.000-08:00

This was originally written by myself last year

March 13, 2018

...but I thought it might resonate with some of you today. Every now and then, in our path of healing we feel stuck...and it's OK. As long as you step outside of yourself, acknowledge that's how we feel...and move along.

Do you ever go through periods of time; minutes, days, weeks..maybe even months,where you feel like you are just floating through life? Just existing?Where you know you could do better, be a better wife, sister, daughter, friend, mother, furmom….? How about eat better, dress better, heck shower daily!?  Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you have spent a good amount of time sitting down frustrated; mapping out plans, goals, and dreams for yourself and your life but everything remains stagnant?  You feel like you have a great big boulder standing in front of your progress. You feel like a hamster on a wheel. If you feel like this…well welcome to my world –  I feel like this a lot too. I feel like I have been going through this lately. This living in that middle space thing.  I know it’s all part of the “plan” and healing process to heal myself emotionally, physically and spiritually as well as healing myself of chronic candida. But it’s hard.  Soul searching is eye opening but it can also be like wading through a thick mud. Healing is messy and like the quote below…it’s never easy or linear. 

I don’t want to say it’s depression (maybe it is in your case in which case I urge you to speak with a professional)…although maybe mild anxiety is apart of it for me. I know general over thinking things is big in my situation – I think we all get caught up in overthinking, though. Candida is a huge culprit as well and something I have been dealing with since I was 15. But in general,  It FEELS just like the blahs to me. You feel not good..not great…somewhere in the middle – stuck in the middle. My body aches, my head hurts, I over analyze everything and I don’t feel like myself. Although being a lifelong empath and not really knowing it…I have a hard time knowing what I actually feel like to myself. What my own energy field feels like. But I know that I don’t feel like going for a walk even though I should. I don’t feel like eating a salad for dinner…even though I should. I don’t feel like eliminating sugar from my diet even though I know that I should and it will help heal myself from candida. I don’t feel like plastering a smile on my face in all social situations…even though I should! Don’t get me wrong…I’m a happy enough person – but sometimes I still feel stuck. Happy people can feel and get stuck too. This seems to be an ongoing pattern in my life and something that I have been stepping outside of myself and recognizing it more, lately. It’s not a healthy place to be in…but I think many of us EXIST in this place. And we get comfortable. And it’s hard to pull ourselves out so that we can live our best life. It can be overwhelming.

I have a great support system…so it has nothing to do with that. My husband is amazing, I have a best friend who supports me and lifts me up whenever I need it and even when I don’t need it, my parents are there for me even though they live far away for a few months out of the year. I still talk to them daily. No…it’s not because I’m lacking support. It’s just a pattern that I get stuck in and I find it tough to pull myself out of it. Kind of like living in limbo. I know what I must do…but I just don’t do those things.

I feel like something great is always around the bend that I can reach and achieve but I’m having difficulty getting to that something great. I feel it in my bones..in my soul.

 
 I think people out there need to read stuff like this.Social media and what we share and post is only one peice of the puzzle...but it can make everyone seem as if they are living these shiny, perfect lives. Which we know is far from the truth. We are human, afterall! Sometimes we will be in that middle space. Not super up high “woo woo” in the Heavens and not negatively down below…but just here. And that’s OK. So long as you recognize it, accept it and realize that something has to change. Maybe not immediately...but as long as we are making the motions to change, everything will be alright according to the universe.  I always get so inspired reading about people doing great things and living their life to their full potential but I’m not in that space yet myself and I know there are others out there like me as well. I’m here to represent whatever we are!

10 Things a 30 Something Year Old Shouldn't Have to Owe Anyone Explanations For

2018-11-01T11:09:00.001-07:00

I thought about this title for awhile because…well...not everyone reading this will be in their 30’s but I am and so I have to base it on how I see the world and feel things. However it could certainly apply to any woman. 

Do you know how many times I feel like I owe an explanation to people in my world for things I do, say, think or feel? How crazy is that? I feed off others so much and let it affect my thoughts, emotions which in turn affects me physically. I have wasted so much of my time offering up apologies and explanations for things that I should never have had to

10 things a 30 something year old shouldn’t have to owe anyone explanations for

Our size, body shape, BMI, physical appearance 

I think I must have come out of the womb apologizing for my round hips (thank you grandma) and solid stature. Literally…I can’t really remember a time where I didn’t feel bad for the way that I look – up until recently. Now I just own it and feel good when I make the proper changes for me. The truth is your body is exactly that. YOUR OWN. You do not owe anyone an explanation to why you have lost or gained ___ a certain amount of pounds, or why you choose to or do not workout. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you have an apple bottom bootie or big round glorious hips, you don’t owe anyone an explanation if you are slender and 6 ft tall. Our physical appearance is our own and does not define how anyone should look at us. Society will never change if we continue to give this power to people. 

2. Our Relationships – Getting married or never getting married

I remember the struggle of being single and watching those around me get married and as I got older the questions came….are you looking for the one? Are you ever getting married? Do you want to get married? You better settle down soon…tick tock. I learned a lot during those single years and poor relationships and would not change a thing. I learned to love my own company and do things independently. I feel like that’s part of the reason the universe allowed me to meet my current husband – I put in the time, the growth and was ok either way (alone or in a relationship) and was ready. But our relationship status is something else that should never really be up for discussion or criticism by the people around you. It’s OK if people are curious…but it’s those who constantly ask that question. Don’t give them that power….tell them it’s none of their business but that you are happy in your current situation whatever that might be.

3. Not having a baby yet or never having a baby

I feel like this will be a longer post coming soon for me. I was married November 4th 2017 and I don’t think a week or two goes by without a question…or at least a mentioning of my age and having babies. The fact is it’s none of anyone’s business and actually downright inappropriate for someone to continually poke and prod you for details of this sacred choice of IF and WHEN. I was actually told on my wedding night that I better have a baby before it’s too late. Can you imagine?These people don’t know me or my state of health. They don’t know if I am able to reproduce or if I even want to. I could have slayed the smackdown right then and there however I chose to remain classy…tilt my head, give a little smile and ignore. I feel like some people will never change when it comes to this subject – so either I will lose my shit or choose to ignore! It could go either way. But in the end – you still don’t owe anyone an explanation for your choices. You don’t have to tell someone when you want to have a baby or if you never want a baby. End.Period….Finite. Remember..there are people out there who can’t have a child but desire to give birth more than anything in this world – stop being so insensitive if you are someone who constantly pokes and prods about the choice to have a baby. 

By the way…I have a furbaby and I love her.

4. Choosing to adopt

Ok..so lots of baby talk but I thought this was important to include. Adoption has always been something on my heart as both grandmothers often talked about their desire to adopt some day even though they never did. I have the utmost respect for those who choose to adopt and give a baby/child in need a loving home to grow and thrive in. I have also heard negative reactions to the choice of adopting. The old “bloodline” is important thing. Poppycock! Super old fashioned and backwards thinking – is what I say. You do you. The choice to adopt is nobody’s choice but your own. It doesn’t make you any less of a parent if you adopt or give birth.

5. How we spend our time

Hello…my name is Jocelyn and I am an introvert/empath. I fill my cup up by alone time and creating. I feed off of energy around me, positive and negative and it’s exhausting. Don’t get me wrong – I love to spend time with friends and family but for every day I spend with them I feel like I need a day to spend alone (or just with Brent…) When people invite me to do something just because they think I have nothing to do at home or because they worry  “im bored” or “lonely” I seriously die a little inside. Because that tells me..they don’t know or understand me. Either way it’s nobody’s damn business that I’m an introvert. I shouldn’t really have to tell people that I enjoy spending time alone…but I do to help them understand. If I want to go to a Hanson concert or 10 in a row…(my favorite band) then that is  up to ME. Crazy, right? If I want to take a paint class, cooking class, go for a walk for 2 hours every day, play with my dog all day or sit and binge watch Netflix then that’s totally up to me and not up for discussion nor do I owe an explanation to anyone. If I wanna go get my nails done every week then let it be so – side note: I once had someone say to me…who has time for that? Funny…I do! And did. My choice – not yours. 

6. Our Diet

Pretty simple – Vegan, Paleo, Keto, Candida diet, Fruitarian, vegetarian, no dairy, all dairy, healthy one week, junk the next. It’s your diet and your life. Simple as that. Do what’s best for you. If you wanna shout it from the roof tops, great, if you don’t want to…great. If you have a food blog… I will probably read it! (Link it below!) 

7. How we spend our money

This kind of goes along with how we spend our time. How you spend or save your money is nobody’s business but your own. If you can afford to and want to go out to eat every night and it’s something you enjoy then so it is! If you enjoy saving so that you can take that vacation every year…then so it is! You shouldn’t have to feel guilty for your money choices or habits.

8. Our career choices

I got a lot of flack when I decided to leave my full time health care job and work on self employment prospects. I got/get asked all the time what I do all day, why do I get up with my husband and pack his lunch, why do I spend my time on social media so much, are you ever going to get a “real” job outside of the house again?Honestly the questions are exhausting and I’m fed up answering. My life – my business. Your life – your business. If I am loving my current employment opportunities then I will more than likely share the details with everyone anyways!! But I don’t owe an explanation for what I’m doing with my life. Neither does the housewife, stay at home mom or entrepreneur.

9. How we feel

Today I might feel pain, sad, lethargic, tomorrow I might feel happy, excited, filled with energy. These feelings are real and it’s important that we acknowledge them to ourselves and the universe – but nobody else. You don’t owe an explanation to anyone if you wake up on the right or wrong side of the bed. I personally don’t mind sharing with you all how I feel. But if on any given day I don’t want to share and don’t feel like talking about it then that’s my choice 

10. Religious Choices

Protestant, Catholic, Spiritual, Buddha, Spiritual, You do you.

The more we let go of these expectations and stop allowing other people to have this control over us, the more we follow our intuition and gut feelings about these situations –  and stop giving explanations where explanations don’t belong…we are healing ourselves in the process. 

Freedom is yours. 

Have anything to add?? Share with me in the comments