The Invisible Blogger

A Year Ago

2012-01-20T10:55:00.001-05:00

I can hardly believe it's almost February. Last February 8, I was starting a new life in a new town. My son moved in shortly after and his life was changing too. A beautiful, sunlit home. A yard that was a canvas for gardening with my son. Jehovah the focus of every single member of my family.

I miss the brightness, the happiness, the joy of all that was happening a year ago....

Weight Loss Wednesday: More Discoveries

2011-11-16T11:44:00.000-05:00

I've made a lot of discoveries along the way. Some of them I already posted. And now I have more. Apparently, the theory that we continue to burn calories after a workout has been proven. If one gets into a good cardiac workout mode, an additional 200 calories can be burned over a 14 hour period after the workout. This would explain a few things.

It would explain my ravenous hunger at weird times. I am eating every 2 hours all throughout the day and night. I have to change my workout times to morning I think. As it is, I've been doing them before dinner. Then I eat. Then I'm starving at 8pm; 10pm, and so on. In fact, one night I ate at 1:30am and at 4am I was suffering serious hunger pangs! So I think I need to workout in the a.m. because it's just not good to be eating all night long.

Another thing I've discovered, the more I eat, the faster I lose weight. In my first week, I didn't know if I'd lost anything. Between October 30th and November 12th, I'd dropped 10oz. I had been consuming about 600 calories a day at that point. But the ravenous hunger increased caloric intake to 1050 calories per day. I've lost 13oz in the last 4 days. To think, all those years I was consuming 400-600 calories per day and fighting to increase it to the 1200-1500 range! Apparently, I just needed to work out!

So that's where I am today: Starving and 1lb 7oz lighter. Isn't it funny that my "diet" is not a diet at all?

Are you working out? Changing the way you eat? What's your progress?

The Questions I'll Never Ask

2011-11-11T17:14:00.000-05:00

I cannot understand how this vast space between us developed. I call every week. I hear nothing back. This has been going on since the beginning of the year... at least.
No calls. No emails. Judging by your reactions and responses to things, the enemy has convinced you of their case. You may not be on this earth long and at this stage of the game, you would turn your back on me? I do not understand. I will never understand.

One by one.. I've lost everyone who didn't really matter. One by one, I'm losing the rest.

Weight Loss Wednesday: Kicking the Soda Habit

2011-11-02T11:44:00.006-04:00

It's been one week since I first posted that I want to attempt this weight loss thing. This week, I want to talk about why. It's not simply because I've gained weight. Obviously, I've known about my weight and wasn't concerned. In fact, my BMI is within the healthy range. It's more about why I've gained weight.

Soda and Diabetes

The first is that I've been having a lot of symptoms of diabetes. I first noticed them 2 years ago which was about 1 year into drinking soda as though it promised to be the Fountain of Youth. I'm not talkin' about a little bit of soda. I mean I went from someone who drank soda a few times per year to someone who drank a 20oz daily (by 2005) and then in 2007 it jumped to 4 cans per day..then 6. In the end it has been around 6-8 cans per day! My first thoughts of diabetes occurred in the spring of 2009 but I didn't give great consideration to it. A few months ago, my eye doctor asked about it given the rapid deterioration of my vision. And so on... there have been symptoms. Apparently that never-ending thirst that jumped my soda consumption from 1 a day to 6, could have been diabetic thirst. I did not know this.

The reason I didn't quench my thirst with water is that I haven't been able to consume water painlessly in many years. Drinking water resulted in the most horribly painful heartburn I've ever known. For instance, I drank a cup of water in December 2007. Not only was the result heartburn that burned my esophagus for 3 days, but pain came with the burning sensation. I had been told that my particular heartburn was caused by a lack of stomach acids. In fact, foods which are hot and spicy don't give me heartburn at all. Water, bananas and other foods which would never be suspected do. And the only relief would come with a teaspoon of vinegar or hard liquor. But why? I never understood why.

Weekly Progress

Weight: I cannot say if I've lost weight since I started. I posted last Wednesday and had been doing the Just Dance workouts daily (sometimes twice daily) since October 18th but didn't decide to make it an official goal to lose weight until last week on the 26th. I bought a scale on Sunday the 30th. So I have no idea what I weighed prior to Sunday.

Workouts: I am doing one "Just Sweat" Challenge per day that is the equivalent of swimming for one hour. And I'm walking at least 1 mile each day (sometimes that's just all I have time for doing). Since last Wednesday, I have burned 2,479 calories from workouts.

Food: I don't eat a particularly unhealthy diet as it is. But I am trying to combat the systemic candidiasis by laying off of starches, sugars and such. By combating that particular issue, I also combat the cravings for sugars and also the Fibromyalgia symptoms.

Thoughts: My biggest problem with diet is that I've been in the habit of only eating once per day since I was 14. I eat dinner. When I try to eat other meals, it just leaves me feeling overly-stuffed. Over the last week, I've been eating more. The workouts are causing me to be just famished!

I had my A-HA! moment last night: I think I had a lack of stomach acid because the body only makes what the body needs. And since I only ate once per day, there simply was no need to make more than necessary for that one meal. (Frankly, there have been many times when I relied on digestive enzymes to even digest the one meal per day.) Therefore, if I consumed anything at any other point of the day, it resulted in the lack-of-acid heartburn. That must be the reason because now that I'm famished and eating regularly, I am chugging water like nobody's business and it doesn't hurt. Which also means, the soda intake has decreased. In one week I've increased water intake from nothing to 4 tall glasses of water per day; and soda consumption is down to approximately 2-3 sodas per day.

And there ya have my weekly report. How are you doing? Have you lost weight? Kicked a habit? Let me know!

The Show Must Go On

2011-10-29T00:16:00.005-04:00

Always being who I am supposed to be.
The strength. The mom. The one who pushes forward.
Never weak. Never hurt. Never crying.
And so I put up the act.
I'm never weak. I'm never hurt. I never cry.

Never in front of you anyway.

Instead, I drive around in circles in the winding, twisting roads of this neighborhood.
Crying my eyes out. But getting lost in the maze usually pulls me out of the tears.
I return home and pretend everything is as it was.
It isn't. It hasn't been.

I don't know what happened.

I don't know why I have no one with whom to talk about anything.
Important things or mundane, only I am interested.
I attempt but I feel like outcast just as I when I was a child.
Speaking and only receiving a quick reminder that I didn't belong.

I guess I don't again.

And so I write and I write and I write and I write.
The miserable woman whose only audience is made up of strangers.
But at least they're listening, I guess.

The world is shrinking. This is it.
This god-forsaken internet I've grown to loathe.
My world is so silent.

Time for another act.
The show must go on....

Weight Loss Wednesday

2011-10-26T21:34:00.003-04:00

Did the title get your attention? Yeah.. I'm just pullin' your leg. I haven't lost any weight. Psssh are you kidding me? However, it has been on my mind lately. Weird, right? I mean, I'm 43 and have never given a thought to my weight in my life. Ok that's not true either. In 1993, I dropped to 96lbs. It took my dad showing me my sunken cheeks on a video for me to prompt me into getting on a scale. I mean, how would I know? Perhaps the size 3 pants may have been a clue if it weren't for the fact that I'd always been a size 5. What's dropping one size? Apparently it can make a lot of difference. But that's the only time I gave any thought to weight.

Well, here were are 20 years later. I've been suffering with fibromyalgia for a decade and need to be tested for diabetes because there are so many symptoms. I've had these symptoms since December of 2007 but didn't know they were symptoms. I just thought I was really thirsty for no good reason. So I've cured that chronic thirst with sweet tea and Mountain Dew for 3 years. Not good. Between avoiding painful things like walking/exercising and chugging sugar all the time, I now have extra weight and vision problems. Yay! And although I've been aware of the health consequences, I still never thought about the weight. Size 10 pants? So? But there was a painful moment a few weeks ago that brought my attention to my weight.

My cousin came to visit. We had a wonderful time having dinner, beer, playing Just Dance 2 and sitting out by the firepit. The next day, I posted a couple of photos taken that night. The one I had taken of me and my cousin, I hated. I wasn't posting that on FB for anything! I cropped it first. Perhaps it's the type of clothing I wear but I never "look" overweight. I look fine in all my photos and videos. But this time, I didn't look fine. I looked like this (yeah it's a cruddy photo but you get the point):

Yep.. first time posting a pic on here. Not so "invisible" now, am I?

So ... Weight Loss Wednesday? You bet. On October 18th, we got Just Dance 3 and I've been on that game every morning and night. I've learned something quite interesting. FMS patients usually avoid exercise. It makes sense. Inflammed muscles hurt. Walking hurts. Picking things up hurts. Stairs hurt. Sitting hurts. Exercise? That's gotta hurt. Well guess what... I have had little to no pain since October 18th. Is that crazy or what? The more I work out.. the less pain I have! Soooo, I am going to begin the "Just Sweat" challenges. I'm going to monitor weight, measurements, etc. And I'm going to keep track of it on an Android App as well as this blog. I got the weight loss Wednesday idea from Becky (sorry Becky.. can't send you linky luv from this blog lest someone trace over to the rest of my life) and if anyone else would like to join, let me know.

Diabetes and chronic pain and weight gain.. all working together against me. All can apparently be attacked by exercise.

Let's go!!!!

Change is in the Air

2011-10-15T13:28:00.000-04:00

I've not been staying "on top" of this blog lately. Life has been busy, crazy, lazy, anxiety-filled and joyful over the last few months. Much is changing in my life and about my life. Much is changing in me. And... now the blog has a brand new look too. So I guess changes are in the air. It is October after all. Even the seasons are changing.

I am here and doing well. I want to stay on top of writing and have updated everything so that I can do that (the previous template wasn't working and I couldn't seem to make it work..so I was avoiding the blog entirely). So I'm back and hoping to write more.

Thanks for sticking with me friends!

Life in Short

2011-04-17T16:26:00.000-04:00

Jehovah is good. He is beyond good. No words.. awesome, wonderful, could ever describe his greatness. Perhaps that is why the bible uses so many descriptive words regarding him. In short, I am happy for the first time in 4 years. I am joyful for the first time in 4 years. My anxiety of 3 years disappeared 3 weeks ago. I love Jehovah! His faithfulness and love for us is unmatched. Why I never could see what I see now.. I don't know.

Praise Jehovah.. he is saving my entire family.. from Satan; from this world.. from ourselves!

More Lost Than You Knew

2010-10-23T03:04:00.000-04:00

Oh that you could be here to reveal the truths.
That you could be here and tell of the friendship we had.
How much I would give just to have your bravery here once again.

You never seemed to fear anything or anyone.
You'd face down anyone no matter the situation.
It was a strength and weakness. But I admired it all the same.

You were always trying to get me to do the same.
I did learn to stand up for myself.
You did teach me not to be a doormat.
Still, I just never had what you had.
I still don't.

And even if I did, the monsters I face now do not cower.
They cowered to you but not to me.
Why can't you be here?
Why can't you come and back them down?

It's what you did so well. Always the rescuer.
Why can't I rescue myself?
Because they've cast you as my enemy and you can't tell the truth.
They're taking a lovely painting and smearing it in lies and calling it truth.
They're making everything ugly.
They're re-writing history.

I wish you could stand up and tell them off. Make them shut up and go away.

Why did you leave us? Oh how your heart would break to know your death has caused so much trouble! If you could ever have imagined this, you'd have stayed. I'm sure these things couldn't have crossed your mind. They're too surreal. Too evil. You were not evil. They're trying to destroy my children's lives. They are out to hurt your children. That they'll never stop.

I can't believe they're using a dead man to hurt me.

The Beautiful Pictures Bring No Joy

2010-10-20T03:02:00.001-04:00

Oh how difficult and painful it is to be searching through photos on my computer and find one of him and the kids from last fall. One year ago!!! October 2009. How is that right??? How can that be??????

I fight the tears that beg to fall. I keep searching for what I was looking for ....ignoring the pain and anger.

How difficult it is to even see a date on a folder of photos. An angry thought screams in my head:

"HE WAS ALIVE THEN!!!!" and "HOW IS THIS FAIR!?" Unfair that we're here... unfair that he's not. Unfair that it's all out of whack. How can he NOT be here? I don't understand. How is he NOT here? How can it be that the world goes on..time goes on .. everything goes on as though it means nothing.

I am angry. I am hurt. The tears fall as though I just found out.
HOW IS HE NOT HERE!??

The photos taken during his life make me so sad. The shots in a field trip folder are no longer a happy memory. It is a reminder that he's not here taking field trips with us. It's a reminder that he's not here asking about their lessons. The photos in this folder of a splash park trip.. no longer a happy summer day. A reminder that he has no more happy summer days. A reminder that my girls will have so many summers without a father.

For the first time since his death.. I'm angry. I want to scream "HOW DARE YOU TAKE YOURSELF FROM THEM? How DARE you!!!!"

But I cry. It's 3am and I sit here bawling my eyes out. How dare anything turn out this way?

October: A Month for Change

2010-10-01T00:13:00.002-04:00

Today is the first day of October. The cicadas sing, the breezes blow and change comes into our world. We are looking at the beginnings of Autumn. I've been noticing the changes coming for weeks. They won't arrive completely for a few more weeks, but they are here. A time for change, subtle as those changes are in Florida, in the seasons.

A Bit of History

For me, the changes are usually something less subtle. In October 2000, S.E.T. and I broke up (the first time). I was absolutely devastated. I cried for an entire month. I woke to tears; cried in the shower; cried getting dressed; cried in between calls at work; cried on the drive home and while falling to sleep at night. Many nights I even had dreams and awoke with my pillowcase drenched in tears.

One day at work, I started scribbling down things in between calls. Normally, this would not be an easy task at a busy answering service but it was just flowing through my pen. At the end of the day, I read what was written aloud to my friends.. and I never cried again.

However, each and every October, I notice that something happens. Good or bad.. something changes. Last October was good.. S.E.T. returned to the girls' lives. The year before, he had taken me to court. And so on and so on.. I could take this back every year to 2000 but I won't. Some changes were great and some were not.

It's not that there is anything special about the month. It holds no mystical powers. It's simply that the change in seasons brings back memories; and perhaps S.E.T. and I were in a pattern of things. His illness was on a pattern each month. Perhaps there was something "annual" about it too. Who knows. It doesn't matter.

That poem, as it turns out, was S.E.T.'s favorite of all my poems. I wasn't thinking when I wrote it.. it just came. That's often how I find myself writing things. I don't think..I just write and then read the finished product. I called that poem "October".

S.E.T. is gone now. Perhaps the only "change" is that he's not here. That's enough. I hope it is all.

In Memory of S.E.T. and all the changes he brought to our lives.

Good or bad.. they're better than his complete absence.

October
~Michelle Cannon~

The flowers wilt away and the trees adorn themselves in shades of orange and red. The smell of firewood burning fills the air. The warmth of summer gives way to crisp autumn breezes and the sound of children laughing as they enjoy the seasonal changes.

It is October...a month for change.

I am enjoying my life, my children and my newfound friendship with you. You are kind, sensitive and intelligent. You are in pain and have suffered so much. I am so glad to have found you and to call you my friend.

It is October 1995...a month for change.

Our friendship blossomed into a passion such as I've never known. It has been a year of love, passion and disappointments. The weather is changing. It is cold outside and you are cold towards me. I cannot tell what makes you angry or why. You beat me last night. My heart and spirit are broken.

It is October 1996...a month for change.

A year of turmoil, love and pain. It seems there's been more pain than anything else. Happiness is only momentary; always experienced with the knowledge that anything..a look; a word; or nothing at all..will turn the tides to anger. Yesterday, I learned that I am pregnant. Confusion sets in and torments me.

It is October 1997...a month for change.

My baby is 3 months old now. She is a beautiful child. She looks like you. You've been gone for 9 months. This child has helped me rediscover the peace and beauty in life. Now I am seeing changes in you. You are more peaceful and rational. Should I give it another chance? I am nervous and on-guard. I want us to start fresh. I want you to experience everything you've been missing. I will try again.

It is October 1998...a month for change.

The anticipation and excitement build! You will be home soon! I have loved and supported you for 21 months. You are the love of my life. My faith, trust and respect for you have been restored. I just got a new apartment. We will start over and share everything-our love, our life, our family. This home symbolizes our new beginning.

It is October 1999...a month for change.

I am in shock!! No pain has ever hurt my body as this one has hurt my heart. Everything I thought was real was an illusion! My heart is broken. My faith and trust in you were brutally murdered! You stand there with the knife. You told me you cheated. I must start over. I must go on alone.

It is October 2000...a month for change.

I may have to go on. I may have to begin anew. But, whenever the flowers wilt; and the trees dress themselves for the fall; and the smell of burning firewood wafts through the air; and our child is laughing as she enjoys the seasonal changes-I'll think of you.

For it is October...a month for change.

Copyright© 2000 by M. Cannon

Weekly Gratitudes: Studies, Recreation and Family

2010-09-27T12:02:00.000-04:00

Cooler temperatures but still comfortably warm.
A craft show over the weekend.
Teaching my girls to cook whole wheat bread.
Feasting at God's table on a regular basis.
Accepting to accept what is necessarily God-given even when the other route seems "perfect" to me.
Children progressing wonderfully in their educational endeavors.
Getting freelance jobs left and right.
Studying Autumn with the children.

Life is good. God is great.

Time in Perspective

2010-09-25T23:22:00.003-04:00

However, let this one fact not be escaping YOUR notice, beloved ones, that one day is with Jehovah as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day.

~2 Peter 3:8~

Court Jesters?

2010-09-23T23:25:00.002-04:00

Child support enforcement obviously will never ever leave me alone. I thought for sure that these jerks were out of my life. But noooooo! They just keep going and going and going. Energizer bunny is a worn out has-been standin' next to these people. Yep. Got a letter. Child support enforcement is going after S.E.T. for the child support that he hasn't paid since he died 3 months ago. This is amusing. I've made a real habit of not showing up for CSE's court hearings just to be a jerk and show my lack of cooperation. But this time I think I'll show up in court just to be a jerk and laugh at them.

"Oh I'm here because I thought maybe ya'll knew somethin' I didn't know. Since you guys are all-powerful, I thought perhaps you had found a way of gettin' him into the court room today so I came down to see the magic show."

*smirks*

Appreciative of an Early Fall

2010-09-20T16:27:00.001-04:00

The temperatures have dropped. There are breezes in the air. The cicadas are singing. Fall is on it's way. How unusual that it come so early. Our temperatures started cooling in the 3rd week of August. Never have I known that to happen. And while I am most pleased to have an early fall season (I'd be most pleased if it stayed year-round!), it worries me that winter may arrive earlier, remain later and be harsher than the last. To that, I am not looking forward. Last winter was so ugly; so harsh; so brutal.

In the meantime, I will take pleasure in the grace of fall cutting into the Florida heat. I will enjoy the songs of the cicadas.

Take Me Back

2010-09-18T22:00:00.002-04:00

Oh! How I long to go back 4 years.
Just four little years!
Take me back to a time when my biggest worry was money!
Such a little thing, money.
At least it didn't stress me. At least I was happy.
Broke and happy!

Take me back 2.5 years. Just two and a half!
Take me back with the knowledge that whatever I said,
The opposite would take place.
Our world would have been free of the utter fear and chaos.

Take me back 89 days. Just eighty-nine little days.
Take me back to when I had freeness of speech.
To a time when I was free to be joyful or fearful.
To a time when this blog was my own....

Relief, a Scripture and Determination

2010-09-12T19:59:00.000-04:00

I really couldn't be more excited right now. Not that there's anything "new" going on in my life; I'm just excited to be "on track" with everything. There is a sense of relief in the air. Not all of the problems have ended, of course. It just seems that with all the recent developments, some amount of relief is around the corner.

I'm so overjoyed that we attended the convention (not that we have ever missed it). Today's meeting was, of course, wonderful and the Watchtower had a scripture in it that really caught my attention. This weekend is a Special Assembly Day. So there will be no meetings this Thursday night. Another spiritual feast!! I wish everyday was an assembly of some sort!

But back to that scripture that caught my attention. It was 2 Peter 1:5-8:

Yes, for this very reason, by YOUR contributing in response all earnest effort, supply to YOUR faith virtue, to [YOUR] virtue knowledge, to [YOUR] knowledge self-control, to [YOUR] self-control endurance, to [YOUR] endurance godly devotion, to [YOUR] godly devotion brotherly affection, to [YOUR] brotherly affection love. For if these things exist in YOU and overflow, they will prevent YOU from being either inactive or unfruitful regarding the accurate knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

This is such a personal scripture! Whenever YOU or YOUR appears in the scriptures in capitals, it means YOU.. personally. This is not God addressing a group of people or the congregation as a whole, but you as an individual.

And so as we read this, I was struck by it and wanted to stack up these things mentioned. These things are what we need in order to remain productive in Jehovah's service.

Faith: is based upon concrete evidence, faith is the basis for hope and the evidence for conviction concerning unseen realities. Once we have this..we add
Virtue: this is conforming one's life and conduct to moral and ethical principles. Then we add
Knowledge: After having “obtained a faith,” disciples of Jesus Christ come under personal responsibility to conform ever closer to God’s will for them. To this we add
Self-Control: Keeping in check, restraining, or controlling one’s person, actions, speech, or thoughts.
To this we add:
Endurance: This word denotes courageous, steadfast, or patient “endurance” that does not lose hope in the face of obstacles, persecutions, trials, or temptations. Then...
Godly-Devotion: Reverence, worship, and service to God, with loyalty to his universal sovereignty.
Brotherly Affection: we need to exert ourselves in developing deep affection for fellow believers
Love: This kind of love is not limited to our Christian brothers. This love is to be shown to all mankind. This love is not dependent on the moral standing of the individual. Like God’s love for mankind, it is shown even toward enemies.

And so here we have Jehovah giving us a personal list of things to do so that we may obtain a close relationship, remain close to him and successfully do his will. Again, Jehovah is so organized. Even when he tells us what he expects of us, he gives us a systematic order so that we can achieve the goal. He shows such outstanding love and affection to us that he, as any good parent, doesn't just say "go do these things" but he lists them out so that they're understandable and easier to do.. one by one.

What a wonderful thing to have brought to my attention so clearly on this day. I struggled today with getting to the meeting. I awoke in my fibromyalgia pain, hunched over and stiff. The last thing I wanted to do was move much less get dressed up and go down those stairs! Yet, I did it. Satan will use any little thing to put distance between us and our God.. If he cannot scare us; he'll discourage us.

Today, my endurance kicked in.. and I was sitting there at Jehovah's table.. regardless of my own body working against me.

It's All Good

2010-09-11T01:27:00.001-04:00

Sometimes life becomes an overwhelming series of challenges. Things just push and push and push until you feel you're up to your waste in quicksand. Then, someone says something or shares a scripture (or you attend a 3-day feast of scriptures!) or all of the above..and suddenly you know what you're doing!

Dealing with Reality
I am feeling so very productive! Everything seems to be falling into place: the housework, our schedule, work, homeschool. I've been battling with our schedule for a while. It is so very difficult to "do it all". Jehovah never intended one person to run everything. I have managed the emotional balance required of a mother-father team. But time? That's another thing. God is perfect and so his 24-hour day is perfect. But I have an imperfect situation with which to contend: One person. Perhaps splitting up the mothering and fathering, work and housework, school and play works in a 24 hour day for a mother-father team. However, a single mom needs about 36 hours to do the same job. Alas, that's not going to happen.

Organizing
Some revisions have made to our school schedule; our chores; bedtimes, etc. I am putting "first things first". The important things must be dealt with first: Spiritual goals; homeschool and work. The rest will fit around those things. Period.

My house has been getting a total overhaul. I must live here for now. So rather than hate it intensely (which has been the program thus far), I am making it a place I can like. One thing is that L.A. has moved in with A.P. downstairs. That frees up an entire room and means that much of the things I can't find a place for will now have a home in that other room. It also means rearranging sleeping spaces and that's good too! Rather than a two bedroom.. we now, essentially, have a 4-bedroom between the downstairs unit and ours. YAY!

We're looking at getting bunkbeds for the girls. I've requested it on Freecycle and a friend who works at a place that takes donated items is keeping an eye out as well. If worse comes to worse..there's always layaway, isn't there? The bunk beds will free up even more space.

Really, just like organizing and cleaning and waitressing and anything else in life: It's all about streamlining; saving steps. The easiest, simplest flow is the best. And so tonight is good. My house is on it's way to complete order. Our homeschool and bible study schedule is already there. Order is good. Jehovah is a god of order and so we should emulate him. He does everything on time, on a schedule and in a particular manner.

A Productive Day
The girls and I had a nature study at a duck pond (more to be posted about that on my nature study blog) and tomorrow they'll do their write-ups about the bird we chose to study. It was hot but we enjoyed the ducks, turtles and egrets. I even saw a creature I'd never seen.. but I'll leave that to the nature blog. Such beautiful and odd creatures our God has given us!

There was more to the day, but suffice it to say that my children make life so joyful. We all have our moments, but I have been so blessed to have these wonderful people in my life; proud that God allowed me to mother them; happy that I succeeded along the way so that they turned out to be such beautiful human beings.

Homeschooling in Florida

2010-09-06T15:24:00.006-04:00

Recently, I had family members ask how homeschooling works in Florida. Everyone is very supportive of my choice but not everyone has cause to look into these matters. Still, at times there is the curious "do you have to ...." because they simply don't know. So I've decided to go ahead and post here how it does work, since many of my relatives read this blog but don't really read my homeschool blog.

First, Florida doesn't actually use the terms "homeschool" or "home school". They do have and use the term "home education". "Home education" is one of the 3 options that allow Floridians to homeschool legally.

Option #1 is to participate in the "Home Education Program" a.k.a. HEP. The HEP is actually part of the county school board. The parent submits a letter of intent to the school board's superintendent. The parent must maintain a portfolio which contains samples of the children's work; a log of educational activities made contemporaneously with the instruction; a list of books and resources used for educational purposes. Once per year the parent must submit an evaluation. There are 5 choices of evaluations which are acceptable. Children in this option are not under the 180-day attendance law.

Option #2: Enroll the child in a private school. This is the option I've chosen (although for many years we used option #1). Students using this option are not considered "homeschooled". In other words, legally, my children aren't homeschooled but attend a private school. They are as much students of the private school as any other child is a student of public school. The parent therefore is not required to maintain any of the records required in Option 1. The only obligation private schools have (even the private school where there is tuition, uniforms and classrooms) is to submit attendance of the students to the Dept. of Education. These students must attend 180 days per year. As you can see here at http://www.floridaschoolchoice.org/Information/Private_Schools/choosing_a_private_school.asp, private schools are businesses and therefore treated as such. They do not fall under Florida's statutes regarding "school" in any way, shape or form.

Option #3: Hire a personal tutor. This tutor must be a certified teacher. The child, again, is not considered homeschooled because they're being taught by a teacher just as if they were in school. And, just as if they were in school, the teacher maintains all records.

And there ya have it. Florida's "homeschool" laws in a nutshell.

Enduring the Trials

2010-09-06T02:07:00.002-04:00

I was dreading the return home from this beautiful week and blessed weekend. However, I am now looking forward to it. Sure.. my life is much the same and I must spend it in the same unenjoyable environment. However, I did learn some very good lessons from today's drama at the convention. Some very valuable lessons.

Without going into all of it, suffice it to say at this time that I will be making the best of this. Satan's attacks are a temporary thing. Even if he attacks every minute of every day, he is nearing his end.

Brother Jackson gave a most wonderful analogy on this matter today:

Suppose you had a boss that simply hated your face. Just the sight of your face inspired him to be nasty and mean. Every time he sees you, he curses, rants, raves, and just says horrible things to you. You'd feel depressed and down-trodden. You'd be miserable.

Then, one day a friend tells you "The boss is on his way out. He's being replaced by your very best friend." Why, then you'd feel excited and hopeful!You now know he's on his way out. You don't know if it will be tomorrow or next week or perhaps a month. But you at least have the reassurance that the torment will end.

Your boss now knows he's on his way out. So he's not happy. Then.. he sees your face. Uh-oh! Now he's really on a rampage! He yells, screams and curses. You look sad but inside you're thinking, "YEAH ..WHATEVER.. YOU'RE OUTTA HERE BUDDY!!!"

This is precisely the situation we have living in the last days! Our enemy attacks. He uses a variety of means and people to wage this war on us. We could easily be miserable and depressed by this constant barrage of wickedness! But we're not. We are joyful. Inside, we know that our best friend, Jehovah, has made a way out. His son is about to wipe Satan and his followers out.. and he'll take over the job of ruling the earth! Like that boss, Satan knows his time is short and he still hates looking at the faces of Jehovah's people. His anger is worse!!! But with each attack we can say "Yeah.. go ahead Satan.. YOU'RE OUTTA HERE BUDDY!"

And so... I shall return to my life today. But rather than complain and hate what I deal with.. I will embrace it. It is proof that we're on the right track. If we weren't.. then Satan wouldn't bother with us at all! I will show appreciation for the blessings that have been bestowed upon us this week. I will use them with wisdom. I will apply the knowledge I've taken in this weekend and continue to allow Jehovah God to mold me. I will follow his command to be joyful.

Feasting at Jehovah's Table

2010-09-04T21:02:00.003-04:00

I am so happy to be feasting at Jehovah's table. I know that every single morsel of spiritual food he serves us will serve to strengthen me and our family. I am looking forward to continuing to work towards improving myself and my life in order to please Jehovah God.

I have particularly enjoyed the symposiums. The convention theme for the year is "Remain Close to Jehovah". In line with that theme, the symposium yesterday brought out that Jehovah is the Great Communicator. Thoughtful consideration truly shows us that he has always bothered to communicate with us. The scriptures show that he communicated with Adam and Eve on a regularly scheduled basis. And when they disobeyed, he immediately communicated with them, Satan and the angels about the situation. Once these, and other examples, were brought out, families were addressed as individual groups (husbands, wives, parents and children) with advice on being good communicators with one another. If we are to remain close to Jehovah, we must certainly show each other the respect that he has shown us by having open lines of communication!

The symposium today addressed the subtle ways that Satan uses to put distance between us and our God. Some of these things are so very subtle! Many of them, we may not recognize as Satanic distractions unless we stay on guard. I cannot wait to make some changes in my life to ward off these influences.

I was particularly impressed with the talk on Friday regarding Creation. Both the teaching of evolution and creationism have served to put distance between humans and God. With this talk came the release of two new brochures, "Was Life Created?" and "The Origin of Life". I will be placing these into my homeschool curriculum immediately!

Tomorrow is our last day. I look forward to the day but not the return home. I cannot wait for the day when we never leave Jehovah's table!

Thankful

2010-09-02T12:36:00.000-04:00

Today, I am full of gratitude. Yesterday was such a wonderful day. It is so evident that prayers are being answered; protection is being given; blessings are being bestowed. The day started out with a very important appointment which went so much better than I what I had anticipated. Not that anything bad was expected; we simply didn't expect as much progress as there actually was. I am truly confident that we are on the right path to resolving a situation.

From there we went across the state to visit L.A.'s fiance. When we arrived, the girls did their school lessons and we had a delicious dinner courtesy of L.A. L.A., T.P. and A.S. attended a concert last night while I stayed home with A.N., L.M., Lil' Bit and Z.P. It was a nice, quiet evening. They played well; we ready a few bedtime stories and the children went to bed well.

Today, we awoke to a beautiful, sunshine-filled morning and had a hearty breakfast. Right now, L.A. is dropping Z.P. off at daycare and we will head to the hotel in Kissimmee. Tomorrow morning begins the 3-day program of our District Convention.

How could I not be thankful?

Joyous!

2010-08-30T17:32:00.000-04:00

Blessings abound! I am tearfully joyful today. I said last week, "If it's darkest before the dawn, then the sun should be coming up any time now." What a beautiful sunrise it is!! To view the rays of light just peeking over the horizon is amazing!

It doesn't mean that Satan quits; only that Jehovah has provided relief.

It is so easy for one to think or say, "With all you've gone through since returning to your religion, why don't you just quit?" It's true. Satan has made my life a very difficult experience for 4 years now. It may seem "easier" to walk away. But I know the truth is that this is all temporary. Even if these horrors continue until Armageddon, that is such a small span of time in the grander scheme of things. Jehovah promises eternity here on earth to those who endure. What's the option? Quit? Turn from God? Be like Jude and have not a thing to look forward to because I blew it? I could have the temporary relief from Satan's attacks but it's only temporary because it leads to everlasting death. No thanks.

I absolute despise the things with which this family has had to contend. But in the end, Satan will be imprisoned and the workers of his will shall be gone forever. In the end, my family will finally have peace and security. In the end, we can experience life to its fullest each and every single day for eternity. Gardens, children, animals, farming, flowers, no pain from illness, no worries that someone will harbor ill will towards us, no more dealing with Satan's system. It's worth it.

Until then, we must be so joyful of the things Jehovah gives us. His blessings are crisp, clean, cold water in a desert! He refreshes us so that we may keep traveling through this desert and one day.. we'll reach our promised land: A beautiful earth shared by all lovers of God. Today I am so thankful for what he's given my children. This weekend will be full of refreshment as well. I cannot wait to temporarily escape this desert and spend three days at his oasis!

On Envy and Jealousy

2010-08-29T15:23:00.000-04:00

The subject of "envy" came up in a conversation with someone yesterday. I had said "Envy.. not jealousy." and the person asked what the difference between the two was.

“Jealousy” may be a positive or a negative quality or emotion. Jehovah, for example, describes himself as “a God exacting exclusive devotion.” (Ex 20:5, De 4:24; 5:9; 6:15) He created us and does so much for us. We should appreciate that and love him for it. When we fail to do that, we are taking from him something that is rightfully his. The same applies to marriage partners. A wife or husband has a right to their partner's faithfulness and loyalty. To expect that faithfulness means that we are a jealous partner. It is a positive thing because it is our right to expect it.

Then there is a negative jealousy. That jealousy which is obsessive and smothering. A husband or wife who is suspicous of every act; suspicious of every person that looks at our partner or speaks to them. This is unhealthy, unrighteous jealousy. A person who shows improper jealousy suspects others without adequate cause.

Then there is envy itself. Envy is selfishness at work. An envious person discontentedly desires or covets the good fortune and attainments of others. An envious person cannot rejoice with those who rejoice. He does not live up to the Bible command: “Rejoice with people who rejoice; weep with people who weep.” (Rom. 12:15) An envious person is not happy himself and seeks to make others unhappy. Envy leads to wanting to destroy what the other person has.

The comparison can be made as follows:

Righteous jealousy: "That is my corvette and I don't want another stealing it."

Unrighteous jealousy: "My neighbor has a corvette. I want it. It's not fair that I do not have one. He has something that should be mine!!"

Envy: "My neighbor has a corvette. I'm going to put sugar in the gas tank because if I can't have one.. he can't either!"

Envy is the result of thinking to highly of oneself and having a lack of natural love for fellow humans. It is a grave sin. It is a severe, destructive form of jealousy.

Overcoming Envy
“Love is not jealous.” (1 Cor. 13:4) Love knows no jealousy; it feels no envy. Most who are envious, do not admit it to themselves. Still, the bible tells us to be on guard. Simply because we've not said, "I'm jealous" does not mean we cannot recognize it in our actions. Do our actions admit envy or jealousy? The bible tells us to “put away the old personality which conforms to your former course of conduct” and to “put on the new personality which was created according to God’s will in true righteousness and loving-kindness.” (Eph. 4:22-24) If we imitate God himself, we cannot be envious. God is love.. and love is not jealous.
Jealousy is a fruitage of the flesh. (Galatians 5:19-21)

Paying attention to the fruitages of the spirit will help us. (Galatians 5:22, 23) If we apply those things, we cannot behave indecently.

Remaining Focused and Joyful

2010-08-28T03:30:00.003-04:00

I haven't posted in a while. Life's been busy and difficult. Satan never sleeps and uses anyone and anything he can to drag a person down. There is a lesson I've learned the hard way over the last few years. Although I remain joyful during hardships and trials that Satan throws my way, I tend to fall out of doing those things I should do. Jehovah obviously knew this was a weakness in us by the sheer fact that so many times in the scriptures we are told not to allow the anxieties of this world distract us from doing his will.

Distractions and Will
I mentioned to a sister last week that I have to make a conscious effort to not let things get the best of me. It's something I focus my Will on doing. She pointed out the scripture in which Jesus is walking on water. Peter walked on the water too..but he noticed a windstorm. That is the point where Peter started to sink. He was focused on the wrong thing!!

Some people and situations are like that windstorm. They make lots of noise and blow hot air at us and if we allow them, they will turn our focus off of what is important. I've learned that in the most difficult ways over the last 2 years. My focus will never be on what another human wants or does or says. It's not worth it! We are so close to the end of this wicked system of things and Satan is working double and triple time to distract us from the prize!

Positivity and Appreciations
And so today my focus is on all things positive. Some I can't mention here but let it be said that hope is on the horizon. Jehovah continues to bless and protect. Love abounds in my home..for one another and God. I can't wait until next week. We leave Wednesday morning. We have an appointment in Orlando that morning and then head out of town. L.A. has a concert she and T.P. are attending. Then we have our 3 days of spiritual feasting. I'm so very excited! I love the conventions.. spiritual upbuilding; taking in of God's word; learning knew things I never thought of; staying at a hotel and pretending this ugly world is far, far away. It's such a beautiful time and such a small sample of life to come! My heart is filled with appreciation for all God gives us to help us cope... ... Praise Jah!