Irum Khan

Thinking Through & Appraise--O'lalaa

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 00:51:00 +0000

Sometimes, I am happy – sometimes, I am sad – Sometimes I want to fly-sometimes I want to die!

Life is not easy it is hard and complicated. We have to explore ourselves first to know the meaning of life. It is always good to use Appraisal therapy to know your oneself. Appraisal theory is the idea that emotion are extracted from our evaluations (appraisals) of events that cause specific reactions in different people. Essentially, our appraisal of a situation causes an emotional, or affective, response that is going to be based on that appraisal.

Human brain is a wicked. You cannot get into anyone’s mind what he/she is thinking or planning. Some people hurt others and cannot feel the pain that person is going through. Same thing with day to day crises. We are facing the problems in a different ways e.g. financial crises, domestic, health and so on. Things happen. We appraise them, assessing them against various criteria. We then feel emotions based on those appraisals. We do this in real-time, appraising and feeling as we go. We also do in reflectively, thinking further about what has happened and what may happen. When we think of the past or future we hence may feel good or bad about it.All men and women are born, live, suffer and die what distinguishes us one from another is our way of facing and handling the life.The trick is not how much pain you feel but how much joy you feel.

Appraisal therapy>>>Event >>> thinking >>> Simultaneous arousal and emotion. Then face and fix or replace it.

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others.
And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.(Dalai Lama)

~Keep smiling and God bless!!

Peak of Craziness

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 21:11:00 +0000

Each person may receive intuitive information in a slightly different way. In my case, I am the dreamer!

I decided to share my dreams. As I am going through with a strange experiences. These dreams play an important role in my life. The only worse thing is I cannot have a good night sleep, Grr .Grr.

Intuition is the power or faculty of attaining to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference. What is intuition? You could say that intuition is where all of psychic skills begin and develop. It’s your personal doorway into the psychic world that begins by going within your own self.

Intuition is information that rises to consciousness from a synthesis of your complete memory and experience. Intuition in dreams and awake may also arise from an unconscious contact with the mind of another person, living or dead, or from your contact with the universal mind, or memory of nature, that summarizes all experience and knowledge.

I had a dream of my Staff, from the previous job. Last week it was two or three nights. During day time, I was pretty busy with my work but my unconscious mind was thinking why I had Pearl in my dreams. After work I went to grocery shop. I saw a lady standing little far from me. I thought she is Pearl. I went straight to her and look at her face. No, she was not Pearl. Anyway, in my mind I make a plan to call her tomorrow when she will be at her work.

Well, as usual my day was very hectic and busy I forgot. The second day, I received a text from another staff from my previous job that I want to inform you that Pearl is in ER as she had a cardiac arrest and unconscious. Her condition is very serious. I was shocked and called that staff. I requested her please give me the information I would like to see her. Staff stated that she will provide me all the updates. Anyway, Pearl passed away. It hurts me so much. I am feeling guilty as Pearl want to meet me in December and I planned that time with my family.

God didn’t give me a chance to meet and see her smile. No, I think it’s me I took my dreams for granted.
Who will be a right person??? The dreamer is in the best position to interpret his or her own dreams fully and accurately. However, detailed dream interpretation requires a level of intuitive skill that most people have not developed. I wish I am confident enough to interrupt them right.

I am lost between reality and the dreams. People around me think it is my mind, my craziness. Why people forget there is someone behind our mind and soul.

“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”

~Keep smiling and God bless!!

Proud to be what?

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 19:48:00 +0000

This is an everyday statement. People use it as, proud to be an American, proud to be Christian, proud to be a Muslim, proud to be British, proud to be a Jewish and so on…..(Ah,did you personally done anything great to be proud of?)

Did anyone say proud to be a human or proud to be acted as a human? I do not think so? Did anyone notice what is going on in the world? Forget about the world? Did you notice what is going on in your town, in your neighborhood or inside your own good self? Couple of years back, I do not remember what was the occasion; I stated that I am proud of my Dad and blah, blah, blah? Dad was listening and later he came to me. Dad told me that he heard my conversation. He is very happy that I am proud of him but he stated; when you do something good and people recognize it, in good words then you will be spiritually satisfied neither happy nor proud.

For God sake, open your eyes and start working on it before using any kind of these sentences. I do not like to pinpoint anyone and start giving examples. Those who are reading me right now are very well aware what I am trying to send the message? Majority of the time the real story is different. We are very ashamed, crushed, broken, low, sad and sorry. That is the fact – we are hiding our real self behind these kinds of statements. Under my eye, it is fine but it will be awesome if we face our real inner self and try to fix these problems one by one.

For me there is a solution of everything. If you are unable to find a solution- replace it. Face it, fix it or replace it. The willingness of solving the problem is the first positive step; take immediate action is an essential element of the effort. Interpretation of your-self, play a vital role in solving the problems. After that; help your family, friends, neighbors and others. It is not hard to help others. It takes your time, emotional/physical support, good communication and assurance to be there for them. Sometimes, all the person needs is a good listener and caring heart. Can you be one of them?

Take yourself as a priority; there is only one life and it is God gifted. God send us for the reason. Did you ever ask that question to yourself- why God sent us to the earth? “I have only created Jinn’s and men that they may serve Me” (adh-Dhariyat, 51:56). God sent us to spread love,
kindness and the peace nor the wars.

~Keep smiling and God bless!

Trash in the Mind

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 01:38:00 +0000

I know you have it. Yes – I do have it, the stinky trash in mind. The more I clean, erase the negativism, it comes again. Same like machinery, we need to clean our mind and try to change the way of thinking. Spiritual cleansings are very important, for yourself and your surroundings. There are several reasons plagued or trash sum up in our minds. Be realistic and face it that is a very normal, natural- process of humanity. Same like love and hate, day and night, likes and dislikes. Most of us have developed a bad habit of judging other people without knowing all the facts. Whenever we judge others we forget that we are putting our self on the God place.Whereas sometimes we have trashy thinking for our ownself. We need to take out this stinky trashy thinking. With all that negativism it harms us every second and killing slowly.

Often we don’t realize how much we subconsciously cherish negative thoughts. Let’s empty ourselves from grudges, fear, anxiety, hate and jealousy and insecurities. Ah, question is how? I have a very easy and simple way. In front of me there is a Kleenex gentle touch tissue box. I
started taking one by one tissue paper. First tissue is for the trashy thinking of my own self, Ah, I am what? What I am? And I love myself. I have only one life and it is God gifted. So, I ripped off that trashy thinking of my own self tissues in to thousands pieces. Now, I took out the second tissue. It is for trashy aggressive, stinky thinking of my Boss. Eww, I ripped off all that tissue into several pieces. It goes on and on….After 18 tissues, I was thinking is there anything I am missing? No… I am feeling light and little fresh. I asked myself? Let me count my blessings? OMG, blessings are countless. During counting one by one all the blessings my eyes were full with tears. Tears of thankfulness. Tears of kindness of my great good God. Allah hu Akbar-God is great.

Give yourself a couple of minutes, We need to take out this trashy appraisal of ourselves and others -shake yourself ,replace it with God's view of us, expressed in his love, kindness, forgiveness, and acceptance. Drink a glass of water and with every sip let it go, let it go, let it go to the trashy stinky thinking….Simplify your life and lastly, “If you have inner peace, nobody can force you to be a slave to the outer reality.”

~Keep smiling and God bless!

Lost My Angel

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Sometimes you meet people in your life and they leave you with a “love and hate” memories. The other day, I was on the way from work to home. As usual, I was checking messages on my phone. There were several messages but one message took my all attention and made me shocked. It was very hard for me to breath and drive. I parked my car in the gas station, took fresh air and called the person back. That person was my old staff working at my previous job. He left a message that I only want to convey you this message that I heard Angel was passed away.

Angel was one of my very challenging and tough clients. He was non-verbal, severe mentally retarded and a challenging behavior. He was in his 40’s a young, handsome and very innocent looking man. Whereas, cognitively he was only 3-4 yrs old. I still remember my first day when I started that job and during interview and in-home orientation they explained me these all clients are hands on and Angel is one of the toughest one. Angel knows only one language and that is very aggressive and abusive towards everyone. In the past, several staff quit their jobs because of him.

Well, when I met Angel, face to face he acted as a gentleman, seems that he likes me. The second minute he pointed finger towards me and stated; “mama”. Angel calls everyone - mama. Then he took his towel and pointed a finger towards me – once again? I asked the staff now what he wants. They stated that Angel want that you will shower him. OMG, OMG….in my whole life I
never shower anyone. Shower and a male -Oppsss. I was sweating and shaking, face was fully blushing. I even lost my sound for couple of seconds. If I will say “yes”or “no”. It was risky, I was 100% sure, I will be beaten by Angel. My manager stated that do not worries, assistant manager; direct staff and security guard will be with you. How can I tell them? O’ man, I never shower anyone in my life. Well, finally no choice I put on gloves and the gown and ready to shower.Staffs were so cooperative but I done it…Woof, Woof. During my 8 months working with Angel, 100 times I got injured and couple of time ended up in the ER. I learned so much from Angel.

Lastly, my agency made the decision that this is not an appropriate placement for Angel. The State department moved Angel in another placement. When Angel left out facility,there were only holes in the walls no doors, no windows and all furniture broken. It took good two weeks to fix the room.
Couple of months ago, there was a picnic I went with my staff and clients. I was walking and busy talking with one of my staff and I noticed someone ran towards me and straight came towards me without saying anything that person hugged me so tight. For a second, I was shocked then I noticed, Omg that is Angel. It was very strange how Angel remember me? I was not working directly with him. I see him once in a while.Then his staff came and started talking with me. We are sorry for his behaviors. I introduced myself that I know Angel. After that they took Angel.

I was sitting in a crowd with my clients and staff members. One person came to me and he stated do you know that guy? I said who? He stated; look at back, behind that crowd someone is passing a fly kisses towards you, since last 10 mins. I turned my back and ah, Angel was there. Once again, he shocked me with his so loving and caring behavior. I waved my hands and I moved away from that place. Why I did it? As in the past whenever Angel was excited or sad in any condition, his behavior was very unpredictable, aggressive and abusive that includes hitting, kicking, slapping, spitting or throw the stuff to hurt the person. I was scared of his behavior.

Today, after hearing the message, deep in my heart I am guilty. I never knew that will be the last “Good bye” from Angel. It is thought and feelings that guides us. All I can say, it was a very good experience. Angel - I am fully confident how to take care of my precious clients. You will be always missed. Rest in Peace…Ameen!

Manmade Disaster

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 19:19:00 +0000

There are two kinds of disasters one the natural other manmade creating disaster... Today let’s chat about manmade disaster, war, terrorism, nuclear attack etc. I am fully against war and of course terrorism but let’s discuss about the war. Whenever I think about the War. My mind and heart goes out to those people who are suffering. Not only those people who are suffering and victims but think about our soldiers and their families they are human too. Why we go for the war – To protect their way of life or to better their way of life. In the history if you check war ends at one point but nowadays it is not ending .It is kind a ongoing issue. We fight to win or complete the mission but if it is not a win win game then we should find other ways to solve the problem. Every war is horrible and the outcomes are scary. One of the serious issues is psychosocial disaster.

A disaster is usually defined as an event that

involves destruction of property
includes injury and/or loss of life
Affects a large population and is shared by many families.

Move families to the safe area, provide medical services, food and shelter are the important and urgent duties. Disasters are events that are out of the realm of the normal human experience and, from a psychological standpoint, are traumatic enough to induce stress in anyone, regardless of previous experience or function. "Catastrophic disasters" are disasters that may have an impact on tens of thousands of people and disrupt entire communities. Effect of disaster is death or physical injury to a family member; loss of family dwelling or possessions; relocation (school changes); job loss; and parental disorganization or dysfunction etc etc. Whereas after effects are increased dependency on parents or guardians ,nightmares, regression in developmental achievements ,specific fears about reminders of the disaster, eg, a toy airplane if the child was in an airplane crash ,demonstration of the disaster via posttraumatic play and reenactments. Easily and quick assessment you should feel changes in sleep patterns ,apathetic behavior and lack of motivation ,any regressive behavior (enuresis, encopresis, biting) ,changes in relationships with family members or peers (more clingy and dependent or withdrawn and isolated) ,grades in school or progress at work ,fears and worries.

Determining needs and type of intervention can be design after the full assessment of the community or family. The role of the social worker is to assess the child and family, and to provide emotional support and reassurance to them. The physician should make general recommendations to the family that will ultimately help the child. The main goals are to keep the family together, to provide support, and to encourage family communication. Strengthening a child's friendships and peer support also are important The social worker should emphasize the importance of establishing a routine and getting life back to normal as much as possible. The practitioner can help the parents to assign tasks to family members, such as chores for the preteens and teens, helping children with homework, and setting aside regular times for meals, play, talking, and bedtime. Several visits may be necessary to assess the coping abilities and liabilities of the child and family.

I am using the word social worker but a friend or a relative can perform these duties. If you will ask me love is the source of every healing. Heart and the love inside as a gift of faith to those in need. Referral for individual and group psychotherapy .The goal of therapy is to remove or decrease disruptions in the child's or family member’s personality development and to get development back on course. Parents and other family members must be involved and early intervention is important. Mass media can be effective in informing the public of the status of a disaster, eg, where and how to get emergency services to assist those designing such public service announcements. Additionally, to write or talk show about the psychosocial squeal of disasters for children on radio or television. Social media may also assist in setting up disaster hotlines, another avenue by which the physician and other professional may participate and provide guidance. The primary care physician also can be an advocate for children and families to discourage inappropriate or distressing media attention on the disaster community.

Community agencies, media and religious organizations play a vital role to help the suffered community. I preferred music therapy. It also works.

More techniques which helps in recovering are;-

Relaxation methods(muscular relaxation, deep breathing, meditation),Music therapy, Exercise in moderation. Talking to another person for support, Getting adequate rest, Positive distracting activities, Trying to maintain a normal schedule (if appropriate),Scheduling pleasant activities, Eating healthy meals, Taking breaks, Spending time with others, Keeping a journal, Participating in a support group, Seeking counseling.

Maladaptive coping actions help to perpetuate problems. They may reduce anxiety
immediately, but “short-circuit” more permanent change. Actions that may be
immediately effective but cause later problems can become difficult to change. Some
Negative coping actions include: Use of alcohol or drugs to cope. Social isolation and withdrawal. Extreme avoidance of thinking or talking about the event“Workaholism”,
Anger or violence .Exposure therapy uses careful, repeated, detailed imagining of the trauma
(Exposure) in a safe, controlled environment, to help the survivor face and gain
Control of the fear and distress that was overwhelming in the trauma. Cognitive Restructuring is an approach in which the survivors identify and examine upsetting thoughts about the trauma, challenge those thoughts, and replace them with more balance and accurate ones. Stress Inoculation Training reduces symptoms through anxiety reduction

Techniques, teaches coping skills, and attempts to correct inaccurate thoughts

Related to the trauma. Medication can reduce PTSD symptoms as well as the anxiety, depression, and insomnia you often experience with PTSD. Several kinds of medication have been tested and shown to cause improvement in symptoms and some others have shown promise. Medication can help relieve distressing symptoms and make it possible for survivors to Participate in other types of talk therapy that have been shown to be effective. For more
Information on pharmacotherapy sees: Pharmacological Treatment of Acute Stress
Reactions and PTSD: A Fact Sheet for Providers..

"May God give you enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy,enough energy to spread love and peace. Ameen"

~God bless and keep smiling!

Do not miss this link pls ..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akm3nYN8aG8

A Pashtoun American

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 00:38:00 +0000

Let starts discussing about PTSD. Post traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, is a serious, potentially debilitating condition that can occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a natural disaster, serious accident, an act of terrorism, or sudden death of a loved one, war,violent personal assault such as rape, or other life-threatening events.Most people who experience such events recover from them, but people with PTSD continue to be severely depressed and anxious for months or even years, following the event. They frequently relive the event throughflashbacks and nightmares. Relaxing, concentrating, or sleeping may become difficult, and they often feel detached or estranged from others.

PTSD is characterized by three main symptoms: Re-experiencing the
trauma through intrusive distressing recollections of the event,
flashbacks, and nightmares. Emotional numbness and avoidance of
places, people, and activities that are reminders of the trauma.
Increased arousal such as difficulty in sleeping and concentrating,
feeling jumpy, and being easily irritated and angered.

Now ask this question to yourself. Recognizing PTSD... do I have it?
Yes, I do have it and I bet majority of people have the same problem.
A couple of months ago, I went to a doctor. I had severe stomach ache
whether I ate or not, ache was there. My doctor knows me since ages.
He checked and asked me everything and found every thing to be
alright. Then in a very nice friendly chat, he asked me “Daughter of
Genghis Khan” What is going in your life besides this stomach ache? I
said I am enjoying my life. While chatting I revealed I can not sleep
during the night. I have always bad dreams and nightmares. He asked me
to share one of the bad dreams. I agreed but asked him to do a
positive evaluation of my dream. He promised. I only shared this dream
in which I am in my dad’s home. All of my family members are there and
we are laughing. All of a sudden there was a horrible sound of a blast
and I heard people screaming and crying. I also saw there is fire all
around me but I do not have any feeling of burning. I tried to stop
everyone. "Hey guys listen, I m standing in the fire but I do not have
any burns. Why all of you are crying and screaming?" I also heard
sounds of my dear-ones who were screaming, asking for help. While I
was narrating the dream, the doctor stopped me. "Ms.Khan you are too
much worried about your family," he said and advised me not to watch
TV news or read incidents like these.

To be short if I am suffering from such diagnosis while sitting in the
United States, just imagine the plight of people who are facing such
incidents daily in their lives. I think we all belong to each other and
I only need love and peace in this world. I think I m not asking for the
more.

Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars... Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. (Martin Luther King Jr.)

God bless and keep smiling!

Social Norms Vs Passions

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 04:47:00 +0000

Why Social norms are dominant on our passions?

Social norms are the behavioral expectations and cues within a society or group. Social norms are customary rules of behavior that coordinate our interactions with others. "the rules that a group uses for appropriate and inappropriate values, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors." These rules may be explicit or implicit. Failure to follow the rules can result in severe punishments, including exclusion from the group. The social norms indicate the established and approved ways of doing things, of dress, of speech and of appearance. A man made society and a man made rules. Whereas majority of the people are unhappy, unsatisfied, and restless. Passion is a powerful emotion such as love, joy, hate, anger. Passion is a deep, overwhelming emotion: “Never underestimate the power of passion.”

Why we are not strong enough to face it and express it. Why we are misusing and misinterpreting our religion, our culture, our lives just for others happiness. Why we are waiting for others to change and fix those issues. Why we can not do by ourselves. Why it is so hard to change or speak from our inner soul. Why no-one is happy? Some hides tears in the eyes, some hides their dreams and wishes in their hearts, some share only smile and behind that smile hides their sadness. Sometimes people has everything in their life but still not happy or satisfied. Whereas on the other hand sometimes people has nothing in their life but very relaxed and satisfied. Life is kind a hard but not that hard . There is a solution of every problem. It depends on the ones how to explore their own problems and try to find the solutions without using any ego.

Social norms are as important as the passions .People commonly engage in activities that are costly to themselves and mostly benefit others. Why people commonly performs good deeds and refrain from selfish ones because of social pressure and norms that attach honor just for the sake of others. Majority of us care about the opinion others have of them, they care about their own self image but on the other hand they are killing their own feelings and wishes.

Duh! I m not against social norms but I m against when different tasks handed down for many generations and we are continuing it just for our pride even without using our own observations and analysis. We need to stop here and re-think for our own and others betterments then adopt or continue it.

First examine your own self by a strong need to maintain conformity between one’s actions, or even feelings, and certain values and goals.Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first ask questions, feel the answer learn to trust your heart and mind . Always be true to yourself, worship kindness ,love and peace. Confidence, knowledge and assertive communication play an important role toward success. Here self-image behavior has a considerable influences first explores your own personality . Always try to rest in reason and move in passion. Ones you understand who you are? Then it will be very easy to conquer the world.

God bless and keep smiling!

Who are ya ?

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:17:00 +0000

Who are ya?

Different answers - No-idea, I’m a simple unremarkable person. I’m not a human, I’m a wondering soul. I’m lost soul, I’m loving person, I’m me, A unique human ,I’m someone who will never truly know myself but will try, A girl totally lost, A handsome guy badly in love, A winner, A looser.. Etc...

Did you ever have a time to ask this question to yourself? I think No? Life is running so fast. Time is flying and we are too much busy with our life. When we will be loyal to ourselves and think about who we are? Just think if ones do not know him/herself how can understands others? Yesterday, I was pissed off and as usual started thinking negative. After a while I calm down and try to redirect myself towards positive and constructive attitude. Try to impose positive laws and positivist doctrine. Started an affirmative outlook thinking different methods and techniques.

Why it takes so much time to deliver a right message what are we thinking of others? Why we are always insecure to pass our feelings? Why can not be open to others? This morning, I called my Dad. Though he was in rush he needs to attend a meeting but I asked him. In a confidential tone of voice- Dad, I need your 10 minutes as I need to share one of my very secrete information of my life. Dad was quite or pause for a second and he stated go a head I m listening. Again I remind him since so long I want to share that inside information of my life but I do not have courage. Once again Dad was pause and I heard the deep sound of breathing kind an Ahh. I asked him are you ready to hear that - can you handle it? My good God, I was noticing a temporary inactivity from the other side that makes me lil emotional. After a while in a very mature voice I stated Dad since so long I want to share that with you but I do not know why it takes years. Dad answered...Ok go a head... I said Dad I love you very much...... Dad was like ... Thank you very much and I assured you that the love from my side is much more and an uncountable. I am blessed and proud, Dad. He sounds really emotional and stated that you made my day - kido ... (My Dad is my hero).

Well, why I took so long to share these golden words with my Dad. I think it was a gap of two different societies or cultures an American and Pashtoun culture. In Pashtoun culture we pass these golden words with showing/ giving more respects to our elders whereas in American culture very easy and simple to express your inner feeling in the words. Ah, that time I asked this question to my self… Who am I? And the answer was…

“I’m just an other ordinary person – a servant who is trying to spread a smile, love and the peace.

~God bless and keep smiling!

"I BE GOOD"

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 04:23:00 +0000

"I Be Good- words of Micheal "

Beloved readers ,today I want to discuss some real stuff. After reading my article please share your precious views and experiences . As you all know that I really appreciate it. Thanks God, I am Muslim but yesh you can say that I m not very religious . Once under the blue moon I love to call and chat with my Qaree Sahib/ Maulana/Priest and like to get information and knowledge regarding Holy Quran verses. I, also discuss about my personal life peak-loads .

While chatting with Maulana Sahib/ Priest I discussed about my 10 consumers who are kind a my life as I took a challenge to help and make them to fight with their severe diagnosis , improve and recover their selves. For stating this sentence is very easy ,light and sound motivational. But by working directly with them everyday is kind a very tough ,rugged, full of trials. It seems like the rocky road to success or achievement ,violent and lawless and kind a ruffianly element. Whatever it is the challenge . I everyday fight ,struggle, engage ,quarrel, defend to overcome to make it happen that I can do it, I can do it and slowly with a very low speed toward my goal.

Hey , hey wait - I m sharing, calm down and keep reading. I want to discuss about my Micheal ,43 years old from Chicago, verbal with different sounds but using hardly 1-2 words in the sentence. Diagnosed with severe mentally retarded, developmental delay , behavior problem/aggressive, bipolar, autism and several other medical issues. He is anti-social, isolated young guy whose cognitive age is just 3 and half years , very tough and a challenging client . So far he was very abusive with all of his direct care staff, program staff, doctors, teachers, strangers etc . He only know “the NO’s” hardly listen to anyone. Since last 5-6 weeks I am his Program Coordinator and I love to do his direct care just want to see his two different personalities. Micheal has no control on his emotions. He can throw aggression by hitting, spitting ,destroy property etc etc. By applying a PCT (personal control techniques) after a while once he calm down he apologies and repeating sorry*, sorry* I be good*, I be good*. So far he is very good to me ,listens me want to be with me. I can make him calm down ..Hoop! Hoop! (Knock the wood). Why is that? I m same like the others. Why he listen me? Do you think it is the “Honey Moon Period” which will be over soon? Or whatever?

Well, I think so far I m successful because of these different techniques I am applying on him. Which are as following;-

~ By showing interest and realizing him that he is very special for me.
~ Through communication
~ By praising him
~Always trying the stuff which motivates him and using that to calm him down.
~ Treat him as his cognitive age
~ Be reasonable in expectations
~ By redirecting him with love and affection using rational techs.
~Don't sweat the small stuff ,,like by goes after his decent choice
~Distraction is your most powerful tool which I use when he is trying to be aggressive.
~During his aggression episodes I always started rubbing his arms and the back to calm him down.
~ Keep busy him in counting or watching movies, checking the pictures and plan what he will buy.
~Ignore use harsh discipline or showing power when he gets in the fight.
~Always try to develop the trusts, ones client feels loveable, safe and secure in his healer, the benefits are better.
~Model good behavior by using indirect method of communication e.g if direct care is present I will say ..listen John I do not like if someone says No to me. Angel never said No to me because he is good boy.
~By giving lots of praise, encouragement and reward.
~Always try to explore and learn to identify problem areas quickly why he gets upset.

Here is the interesting part of my discussion - while I was talking with the Qaree Sahib /Priest. He asked me about my job as I need some verses for my successful future. Once I discussed all about my job description he gave me several verses and stated that he would like me to read everyday before starting the work. It sounds like that Micheal has the Jinn/Ghosts. When I explained Qaree Sahib but Micheal is very nice to me then Qaree Sahib stated that it seems like that you have Jinn/Ghost too. Which are friends of Angel’s Jinn/Ghost... Qaree Sahib explained me several verses of the Holy Quran in which there is mention about Jinn/Ghosts.... Some of the verses of the Holy Quran..

“Indeed We created man from dried clay of black smooth mud. And We created the Jinn before that from the smokeless flame of fire” (Quran 15:26-27)
“I did not create the Jinn and mankind except to worship Me.” (Quran 51:56)
“Say (O’ Muhammed): It has been revealed to me that a group of Jinn listened and said; ‘Indeed we have heard a marvelous Quran. It guides unto righteousness so we have believed in it, and we will never make partners with our lord’.”(Quran 72:1-2)

After chatting with Qarre Sahib I recieved a call of my Dad. I discussed all what Qaree Sahib/Priest discussed with me and Dad stated yesh he is right. Then Dad shared his story when he was a kid, a girl from the village, age 16 years old has fits or temper tantrums or kind a hysteria attacks and that time all people were saying that she has ghost/jinn.... Huh???

At the end of the day I have a simple question that all of my clients who has severe behavior problem, developmental delay, mentally retarded, bipolar, depressed, autistic, phobia/fear , syndromes, cerebral palsy, epilepsy etc etc has a jinn/ghost. Wherever in the field of psychology they done different experiments ,theories regarding exorcism etc. Psychology says that when a person is obsessed about a particular thing, he is bound to think about it most of the time. An image form is formed in the mind and is unintentionally transferred to the subconscious mind; this sometimes leads to people perceiving objects. As soon as they are back from subconscious mind the image of the object disappears and consequently they fear and claim that there is a ghost.

Last but not the least- I would like to say that I love my clients , my work and my field. Whatever it is I can proudly say “that I consider myself one of them”.

God bless and keep smiling!

Why Shit Happens...Huh?

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 03:40:00 +0000

And the second question which occur in our mind is why me ? Why me? Why me? Life is like a game of win and loose , ups and downs, joys and sorrows. Whereas human being is very sensitive creature. If you will see the world is sorely lacking problem solving, decision making and critical thinking skills. This is clearly evidenced by the world economic crisis, bad personal and professional decisions and an ongoing lack of true leadership and direction. It has become more and more painfull. Why always we forget that the time will never remain the same. Every night has a morning and morning has a night. Why we get upset ,confused ,puzzled whenever we have a peak-loads in our daily life. Why these peak-loads scattered us fully? The other day I was having a phone-chat with my Dad. I was discussing Dad why always shit happens to me? Dad answered because you are very special to God. And God want to makes you more and more strong. I said O’ please stop it, Dad. Why God want me to be that strong? I do not wish to go on the war? Dad stated if you do not wish to go on the war then organize yourself and look the problem and its solution and do not complain always be thankful to God and live and enjoy every moment of the life. I was listening and ah ,the phone was disconnected. See it means there is something missing or a problem where I need to work on. So whenever shit happens do not think you are a good person therefore it happens. It means you are fucked-up . Take it easy and try to improve yourself...Opsss excuse my french please..

Do you think we can have a quick fix of those crisis. Simple answer is No. But by using different methods and techniques, you can start to tackle problems that might otherwise seem huge, overwhelming, and excessively complex. Sometimes if I face a problem I act like a scape goat and try to ignore it and suffer. Which has really a negative impact on my health and ofcourse life. After realizing all that I came in to the conclusion that I need to face and fix the problem. The more I ignore or hide the more worse impact on my daily life.

How can one start to face and fix it very easily try to root the problem. Flexibility and open-mindedness is an essential part of being able to solve problems. Create a plan to solve the problem, seeing the plan through and reviewing the plan to ensure that the problem is solved and is not repeated. When a person has difficulty imagining a solution to a problem, it is because he is overwhelmed with the details of the problem and lacks the ability to break down the problem or see the big or the right picture. To properly solve problems it is very important to make sure you take the right approach. The approach you use for a problem is often connected to the solution.If you have a huge problem break it down in small pieces and try to solve them one by one. Here are some helpful points how to solve your daily peakloads - crisis -problems;-

1. Define and Identify the Problem
2. Analyze the Problem
3. Identifying Possible Solutions
4. Selecting the Best Solutions
5. Evaluating Solutions
6. Develop an Action Plan
7. Implement the Solution

It is very easy to evaluate and describe our own pain but it is very hard to evaluate others. Always try to find happiness in small things ,explore happiness in you not around . Life is the gift of the God make the most of it. Give a little Love, have a little Hope, let’s make this world little Better,only we can make it Better.If we TRY!

God bless & keep smiling!

Confidence is the key of Success

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 03:48:00 +0000

Today, I would like to share with you the importance of self-confidence. Lets start it with the dictionary meaning of self-confidence is: "controlling, managing and understanding self " helping one deal, learn, know and master one's self.".Self-confidence is a term used to describe how secure a person is in their own decisions and actions. This can be applied generally or to specific situations or tasks. It describes the amount of faith a person has ones self . Self-confidence reflects how a person views him/herself. A person's level of confidence is often apparent in every aspect of his being. Confidence shows in a person's speech, body language and mannerisms. A confident person has a positive outlook. Confident people often do get what they want because self-confidence is an important element in accomplishing their goals and manifesting their desires. They know that self-confidence is an ingredient in the recipe for success. A self confidence is an attitude which allows you to have a positive yet realistic view of yourself and your situation.

Sometimes self-confidence develops automatically through environment , education and experiences. Whereas some needs help to improve it .Those who needs to improve their self confidence look for the role model(self confident person)and learn from them .Focus on who you are what you like in yourself and what your friends likes in you. Focus on your achievements rather failures. (My favorite point that works really good). Focus on those skills where you need improvement. Work on it . Set reachable goals for yourself and break hard goals into small steps so you can learn and achieve. Try to find happiness in small things. Think positive ,act positive and it will happen positive. Always smile and keep your chin up. Do not compare yourself with others. Reward yourself whenever you succeed. Work on your relaxation skills. Try to enjoy all the moment in your life that will keep your fresh.

The socio-psychological concept of self-confidence relates to self-assuredness in one's personal judgment, ability, power, etc., sometimes manifested excessively. To be successful and self -confidence ones should practices on cognitive skills, self-management skills, and interpersonal skills. Having a deep belief in your ability to achieve your goals--that is the most important thing! The wonderful news about self-confidence: it is an attitude you can learn. Always try to keep learn how you enhance your power you become more effective. Your self-image improves. Your self-esteem increases. Like building muscles, you systematically, purposefully build yourself to a superior level of confidence, achieve a deep, inner sense of strength where you can differentiate easily good and bad or positive and negative with the use of logic and reasons. At that point you are not afraid of anything. By boosting self-esteem and improving self-confidence involves being self-aware. That will not only help you in your success but will make you more attractive and fun to be around -Good Luck!

God bless and keep smiling!

Fantasies Under The Pillow

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 05:13:00 +0000

O’my good God , please do not ask me this question as I have numerous chain of fantasies . Which keep changing time to time. I would love to share but it needs an extra self confidence. I need to improve self confidence it takes time. I always appreciate others to share their experiences and points of views. The world has challenging and highest peak-loads which we all are facing in different inherent. Majority of us are not taking chances as we are scared of fail to win and can not suffer the loss or damage. Therefore, we start fantasying under the pillow. Duh, I have four pillows just imagine about my fantasies.... Ah, I m speechless!

A fantasy is a situation imagined by an individual or group, which does not correspond with reality but expresses certain desires or aims of its creator. Fantasies typically involve situations which are impossible (such as the existence of magic powers) or highly unlikely. Fantasy is used to refer to more conscious psychic content such as day dreaming and productions of the imagination.

There are several kinds of fantasies. It is very normal. Every one has some secrets, others are easy to shoot the breeze. Why this spirit is happen in our lives - to whom we would like to share we can not so we start looking around us . Did you ever tried to write your fantasies and read it after a while. Human being is very strange as the more they get - the more they want. If you will noticed there is a big difference between needs and want. Our want are numerous we have desires to possess, we have wishes some are essential others are not. Whereas our necessity is limited. Why not we will try to stick with it and make our and others life little easy. Once again it is very hard for us to do that as at the end of the day we are human being. Well, sometimes you have to do something you would rather not... It is very hard to change the world but easy to change our own self.

In the theory of psychoanalysis, phantasy is used to describe unconscious desires, fears, drives etc. Sigmund Freud used the German word 'Phantasie', which could be translated as 'fantasy', but the meaning is clearly not the same as the everyday meaning and is usually printed as 'phantasy'. This should be strongly contrasted with delusion. Whereas Carl Jung's work, known as Jungian psychology, is central to analytical psychology (the "Neopsychoanalytic school"). The goal of analytical or Jungian psychology is to explore the unconscious, both personal and collective, and integrate the conscious and unconscious through a variety of disciplines and psychological methods.

It is kind of our second or third life which is totally different from a real one. Lets share it and start improving ourselves.....howzdat ?

God bless and keep smiling!

Dream

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Fri, 08 May 2009 14:04:00 +0000

Our dreams are related to how life works. During the day the unconscious records all thoughts, attitudes, reactions, problems, input from people and the world, hopes and wishes. At the same time, you carry out roles in life such as spouse, career person, friend and member of society. We have two lifes our inner thoughts , feelings, reactions and second is the real world. I do truely believe that dreams have meanings. I have found dreams to be a great help and comfort in tough times. I myself, have had hundreds of dreams, some visions, and a trans experience. The key to dreams is to understand them with a interpretation hope to help you better understand your own dreams or day visions for yourself. Sometimes dreams are the sound of Holy Spirit inside of your heart, head or mind. Dreams are a series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. As for Sigmund Freud, as expressions of the dreamer's deepest fears and desires. The most common emotion experienced in dreams is anxiety. Other emotions include pain, abandonment, fear, joy, etc. Negative emotions are much more common than positive ones. Whereas Freud suggested that bad dreams let the brain learn to gain control over emotions resulting from distressing experiences.

Let me share my personal experience…..I still remember the day which changed my life
I remember – I was 6 years old playing in my room and my dad was working in the front garden of our home. To go to the garden, there were 4 steps in front of the home.
I wanted to go to my dad and the moment I stepped on the first step, I saw a snake on the 4th step. I was scared and I shouted: “Dad! Dad! Dad! There is a snake on the steps.”
Dad who had his back towards me replied “Kido! Jump over the snake and come over”
I said “Dad, I am scared. I cannot jump. Dad – help me. The snake will bite me”
Dad did not even look back or come towards me. He just said “You are a brave girl. You are Daddy’s girl. You just jump over the snake and come here. “
I was trembling and scared – had tears in my eyes but then as a daddy’s daughter, I did what he said. I slowly stepped down 2 steps and jumped over the last step and the snake and went running towards my dad.That incident got embedded in my mind and I could not help but keep remembering it again and again. It made me think about my dad’s action and slowly it started taking shapes in various dreams that I started having over the time. I started dreaming of snakes coming in front or biting me and me begging my dad to help me but then he was just trying to convince me nothing bad will happen to you. It was until last year, when I visited my parents and the incident there changed my life again.I still remember that morning – it was 4.00 am. I woke up and went straight to my dad’s room. I knocked on the door, woke him and requested him for a cup of tea and chat. I don’t know what happened to me – from where I got the strength but I managed to raise the topic.

I said “Dad! Why did you do this to me?”

Dad “What did I do?”

I reminded him of the incident and the effects of the same on me.

Dad paused for while, then looked at me. He got up and came close to me – shuffled my hairs and said “ You are my daughter and a brave one. I was confident that you will be able to do it and trust me you did it. By the way, why did you not kill the snake by scratching its head under your feet?”

His question left me dumbfold for a while. I was taken aback but then realized that what he said was true. I tried to run away from difficulties but never tried to face them. He wanted me to be one who will face the life not take the side route.(My Dad is my Hero*and I love him)

Believe me – from that day, I never got these dreams again.

Conclusion: It is always good to discuss whatever bothers you. I felt more strong and confident. That is my two cents of experience.

God bless and keep smiling!

Anger

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Fri, 08 May 2009 00:16:00 +0000

Anger is an emotional state that may range from minor irritation to intense rage. The physical effects of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of pain. Anger can lead to many things physically and mentally. Modern psychologists view anger as a primary, natural, and mature emotion experienced by all humans at times, and as something that has functional value for survival. Anger can mobilize psychological resources for corrective action. Uncontrolled anger can however negatively affect personal or social well-being.Well in my case sometimes I want to kick, break, crush, scratch, break everyone into tears, interrupt and separate from the clinch, smash ,bang up, hit, torn, blah, blah and blah. I hate, hate and hate everything for a while. I wish to do all those acts in reality but that was kind a my inner feelings like Arghh.. I starts looking to cool down myself change my aggression and negativism. The techniques which help me are to change the situation, stay away for a lil time or time out, go for exercise or a walk, listening music, sometimes shed tears and share with my sweet pillows only etc . As I mentioned in my early article do not lose your control. Control your anger before it controls you.

In Psychology anger is viewed as a form of sexual reaction and healthy response that has evolved to enable us to deal with threats.Three types of anger are recognized by psychologists: The first form of anger, named "hasty and sudden anger" by Joseph Butler, an 18th century English bishop, is connected to the impulse for self-preservation. It is shared between humans and animals and occurs when tormented or trapped. The second type of anger is named "settled and deliberate" anger and is a reaction to perceived deliberate harm or unfair treatment by others. These two forms of anger are episodic. The third type of anger is however inherited and is related more to character traits than to instincts or cognition, irritability, sullenness and churlishness postures are examples of the last form of anger. Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure but completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems. Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive.

Techniques to control your anger...

> Go for a walk or do some physical exercise
> If you have to, take yourself out of a situation /meeting .
> Self talk , I always do that for me it is really working.
> Say STOP! STOP! To your negative thinking.
> Try to explore yourself and identify your angry? Find the solution.
> Drink water
>Practicing relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises, meditation or yoga.
>Reducing your stress levels by praying, having a massage, listening to music or reading a book.
>Doing something creative such as painting , sketching, writing poetry or scrap booking.
>Once you cool down speaking to a close family member or friend about how angry you feel.
> Forgive but do not forget. Try not to repeat the same mistake by convincing yourself you did the wrong. Allow yourself to approach the situation and express your concerns in a rational and logical manner.
>Allow others to be right. Allow yourself to be wrong. Assume the best not the worst. Learn to let go. Forgive yourself and others. Respect yourself and others. Do your full medical check up on the regular basis.

God bless and keep smiling!

Memory

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 01:57:00 +0000

In psychology, memory is an organism's mental ability to store, retain and recall information. Traditional studies of memory began in the fields of philosophy, including techniques of artificially enhancing the memory. Memory refers to the processes that are used to acquire, store, retain and later retrieve information. There are three major processes involved in memory: encoding, storage and retrieval. The study of human memory has been a subject of science and philosophy for thousands of years and has become one of the major topics of interest within cognitive psychology. A well improved memory is a wonderful thing, it benefits you in all fields. Imagine not needing to write down phone numbers, directions and remembering names of all people you encounter. If a person has not a good memory then there are alternative treatment options available for people experiencing memory problems. Making simple changes in diet, sleep, exercise, and routine can be helpful memory improvement techniques.

How to improve your memory;-

>Exercise daily. Regular aerobic or any kind of exercise improves circulation and efficiency throughout the body, including in the brain, and can help ward off the memory loss that comes with aging. Same like body mind needs oxygen and fresh air. Exercise also makes you more alert and relaxed, and can thereby improve your memory uptake, allowing you to take better mental “pictures.

>Repeat things you need to learn. The more times you hear, see, or think about something, the more surely you’ll remember it, right? It is a no-brain. When you want to remember something, be it your new coworker’s name or your best friend's birthday, repeat it, either out loud or silently. Try writing it down; think about it. Repeat and review what you've learned as many times as possible. A fresh memory (especially when not interesting) is like petroleum - it is volatile. It evaporates. Hence you need to close the lid, that is review and repeat. There is no substitute to this process. Our minds are like computers: the older we become, the more information we have stored on the “hard drive,” and the longer it takes to access it.

>Sleep. Again same like body mind needs rest too. Believe it or not, one of the most powerful ways to improve memory can be done in your sleep Sleep is an essential component of your brain's ability to sort and store information you take in while awake. If you can possibly swing it, take naps. Research has found that people who squeeze in a catnap during the day retain twice as much of the information they learned that day as those who don’t.

>Eat well and eat right. There are a lot of herbal supplements on the market that claim to improve memory, but none have yet been shown to be effective in clinical tests (although small studies have shown some promising results for ginkgo biloba and phosphatidylserine). A healthy diet, however, contributes to a healthy brain, and foods containing antioxidants—broccoli, blueberries, spinach, and berries, for example—and Omega-3 fatty acids appear to promote healthy brain functioning. Feed your brain with such supplements as Thiamine, Vitamin E, Niacin and Vitamin B-6. Grazing, eating 5 or 6 small meals throughout the day instead of 3 large meals, also seems to improve mental functioning (including memory) by limiting dips in blood sugar, which may negatively affect the brain.

>Link. the new bits of knowledge with what you already know. Place what you learn into context with the rest of your knowledge, looking for relationships between ideas. Things that interest you are easier to remember. Try to develop an interest in what you're memorizing.

>Stress. Release or crush your stress. Any kind of the stress or depression is harmful. Let's explore the life stressors in connection with memory impairment. If you have a life that is disturbance or uncertainty on a daily basis, unorganized and over packed with activities, never allowing yourself adequate care, your memory is certain to develop some degree of suffering. It is surely something that will require some thought and time to repair. You must first take stock of your priorities. How well do you care for your mind and body? Maybe you think a quick rush to the gym will do the trick. The key here is 'rush'. Long-term depression greatly affects memory. Many older people who seem to be confused, forgetful, or even suffering from dementia may, in fact, be suffering from depression. Stress, anxiety, grief and fatigue also affect our ability to remember things.

>Get an attitude. A positive attitude toward memory lapses as normal and/or “fixable” by paying attention bodes well for a healthy memory. Research shows, however, that while younger people tend to believe that forgetting isn’t usually significant, older people are far more likely to think lapses are signs of decline or AD. This can start a cycle of anxiety and self-blame for. To keep memory perking along, pay attention by pausing and slowing down, which takes effort. When you don’t pay attention, you can’t register information to recall. With age, people tend to become more easily distracted and memory suffers as a result.

>Medications and Alternative Therapies for Memory Memory loss is a very common concern, and many drugs and substances have been developed and promoted to address this concern. Among the most promising are;-
1. Ginkgo bilboa extract (GBE) from the ginkgo tree. Use of this substance has been traced back to ancient Chinese medicine (around 2800 b.c.). GBE is currently very popular for general memory loss and has been used for dementia and AD.
2.Vitamin E, thought to be an antioxidant. This vitamin and donepazil will soon be tested in a three-year National Institute on Aging study on mild cognitive impairment, a condition with memory deficit, but not dementia.
3.Phosphatidylserine, a substance the body manufactures. In the brain, it helps cell membranes stay intact and able to pass fluids in and out, and has been used to treat depression, impaired mental function, and AD.

In summary, to improve your memory and remember more things,

A. Relax.
B. Repeat.
C. Actively engage in what you learned.
D. Use all your senses.
E. Give it time, and give it breaks.
F. Concentrate.

God bless and keep smiling!

Conquer Yourself

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 17:31:00 +0000

There is a saying “"You can conquer others with power, but it takes true strength to conquer yourself." Damn , how could we can conquer our own selves . Conquer is desire or to overcome and take a control. In other words peace of mind and success. There comes a time in life, when we realizes that the external world is no longer interesting and does not give us a peace of mind and happiness. If I discuss about myself, to tell you the truth majority of the time I have the same feelings but I know how to change my negative thinking into positive. Well, I m not a perfect but always trying to learn and improve myself. Too many peak loads in the life makes strong and confident. If a person has a lively personality or smiling face does not means that s/he is very happy and blessed. It means S/he conquer herself.

By conquer does not means external materialistic happiness. It is the happiness of the inner soul, kind a spiritual. Sometimes we like to be direct with our soul and start talking ,exchange thoughts or express with our own self. Uh.huh,majority of the time I cheat with by changing the question or discussion. As realized am wrong but don’t want to confront it because of some emotions or feelings weaken me. Just as your shadow follows you wherever you go, your thoughts are always with you, wherever you are; be it home, at work ,driving, walking or in the bed. The only way things are going to change for me is when I change. How? By using different methods and techniques and try to learn new skills and improve myself slowly and gradually.

To use successful methods for finding happiness including Lifestyle change, Attitude change, Tips for self-improving and more. Begin the path to Peace of mind, Self-improvement and Spiritual success today.. Did you ever answer this question . Who you are? Buddha’s saying “It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles”. Today, in this fast materialistic world, we always under stress to stay in tune with the life. We want to control everybody and everything around us, little realizing that controlling our selves is the key to success, peace of mind and happiness.

There comes a time in life, when ones realizes that the external world is no longer interesting and does not give us the peace and happiness. Then understands that there is something more to life and starts analyzing own self or starts looking within. This is the beginning to conquering own self. This is the beginning for peace and happiness. Did ever noticed that you will take on an assertive role, speak suitably and put yourself in place. You will be in control of the situation. When you have a cool head, you will take the right decisions. Think differently. Do not try to conquer others; rather try to conquer yourself for peace and happiness.

Enjoy what you do, even if you do not have the option of doing what you want. You should love your work and be totally involved and committed to it. Be enthusiastic and energetic at work. Be positive about what you do and the output will be positive too. Try to find happiness in you not around. Try to find happiness in small things and be thankful to it. We must use our sixth sense. Do not blame fate for everything. Prayers are important but remember GOD helps people who help themselves. We need to do our part. Our life’s purpose must be such that our achievement should outlive our lives. It should be beneficial to our family, our organization and society. We are in this world to live and to let live others. To love and help each other. If you explore the purpose and goal, life becomes meaningful. We must try to realize our purpose and goal with a burning desire to achieve and win. Explore your weakness and try to crush them. Then see the difference and how to become effortlessly strong and confident.

Last but not the least as Buddha;-
“Conquer the angry man by love.
Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness.
Conquer the miser with generosity.
Conquer the liar with truth.”

And conquer yourself with “Life is not at an end yet so move on!”Have a goal and get organized. Think positive , do positive and happen will positive.

God bless & keep smiling!

Self Control

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 20:11:00 +0000

Do you have a control of anything? Huh, shoot it ? I bet that answer is na, no and nopes. Forget about other action, activity, concept or a thought. Lets discuss about a self control. Which plays a vital role in a characteristic state or mode of living. Self control refers to the ability to control human behavior through the exertion of will. Self-control is required in order to inhibit impulsive, and has been a recurrent theme throughout history, culture, and philosophy, where it is considered a key to volition and free will. In psychology it is sometimes referred to as self-regulation, and exerting self-control through the executive functions in decision making is thought to deplete a resource in the ego.

Self control or self discipline enables you to follow actions, thoughts and behavior, which lead to improvement and success. It also gives you the power and inner strength to overcome addictions, negativism and laziness and to continue in whatever you do. Whereas, lack of self discipline may lead to failure to reach goals, even minor ones, and to loss, health and relationships problems, obesity and other daily life troubles. Everyone knows the importance and benefits of self control. Life often presents challenges and problems on the path to success and achievement. To rise above them, one needs to display perseverance, persistence and self discipline. To cure and overcome eating disorders, addictions, smoking, drinking, obsessions and other negative habits one also requires self discipline. Self control is one of the most important pillars of real and stable success. Self control or discipline can be strengthened and developed like any other skill.

Well , I would like to share about myself . If you ask me about my self control . Ha, I m a person like dishoum dishoum tha tha tha...hyper, energetic , sharp and an uncontrollable. Therefore, this article is specially for myself , Phew. The most important part of the self control is to draw your own boundaries or limitation. Whenever beyond the limit ,quit or stop yourself or switch your gears into another task , leave the place or the situation. It should organized around the issues related to teaching methods, environmental settings , and the affect of the person with the most salient being: focus, confidence, and self-control/obedience. Self-control means not doing what you always want to do, but doing what is best for you and others. Here are some examples;-

>Think before we speak (rather than blurt whatever on our mind , like me)
>Manage your emotions (rather than them ruling us)
>Suppress negative impulses (rather than acting negatively)

Wait. Think. Give yourself two seconds to reflect on the facts and then respond or use “Time out” technique quite helpful. Settle down, gather your thoughts, think about how the other person is thinking, and come back ready to talk. In all that process just keep this in your mind be positive , reasonable ,logically and through subjective judgment use assertive communication techniques. Find strength to be self-controlled sounds like a lot of work. But we don’t have to do so alone. I always find a strength in God’s grace. Grace is that measure of good that I don’t have in myself but which God seems to grant me. I don’t appear alone. I start thinking of everything and comparing with other people . At the end the result is “I m blessed” and very thankful to God and that increase my faith more and more every minute.. For example, faith-filled people tend to experience more social relationships, think the best of others, and report more happiness, life satisfaction, and morale than people who avoid God. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? The self is the part of us that acts with self awareness, exercises self control, exhibits a conscious and guilt, and makes decisions about who we are, what we’ve been and who we hope to be. Bears the primary responsibility for teaching us the attitudes, values, and behavior considered appropriate by our parents (our society). They are responsible for our development of the self. Regain control of your life by learning to become mentally focused and responsible. Gain better understanding and control of your self physically, mentally, and emotionally. Embrace the “I can” attitude in your everyday life. Learn something new everyday as you get in the best shape of your life. Damn , just stand up against “bullies, problems,troubles, difficulties” and defend themselves if need be. Time never remains the same. A problem raised for consideration or solution, face it and fix it. Keep positive thinking , high hopes, work hard and patience , patience and patience.

God bless and keep smiling!

Tolerance & Patience

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:54:00 +0000

To be very truthful ah, I have a lack of tolerance and patience. I am always in hurry. I would like everything would be done a head of the time. It is just like a Grr Grr or whatever. Sometimes it is like my way is my way and your way is highway. O’ comon and stop hating me. Everyday is the new day for me and each day I m trying to improve myself gradually and step by step. Step by step is not the aerobics step nor the snake moved gradually towards its victims. It is just trying to improve myself bit and share method and techniques to my beloved readers through theories, experiments , researches and studies.

And what I get a response in the return? Huh, interesting question. Right? Majority appreciate, encourages ,support, share their views and requesting to write on their selected topics. Whereas on the other hand people think I m far away from the reality. I write more like text book nor the reality etc. Damn, just read ,learn and enjoy whatever I am writing that is all the reality and those who think I m far away from reality they are the ones who fully lost their faith, confidence and positivism. We are all facing the humanitarian, socio- economically and security crisis of the world. It does not mean we loose our faith, hope and positivity. Time never remains the same. Every night has a day and day has a night. There are peak loads , ups and down in life. Face it confidently and show tolerance and patience. In our society today, for all people, impatience and intolerance does seem to prevail.

Lets see what is the patience and tolerance ? Patience is a sign of inner peace. When one is at ease with oneself, with what one has done with one's life, and with one's approaching death, time loses its urgency and becomes more an ocean than a stream. Patience allows one to listen and observe before one acts or speaks. It allows events to reach maturity, so that choice can be better informed by circumstance. It allows time for words and acts to put on weight, so as to appear abroad with sufficient dignity. One is patient with what one has accepted and impatient with what one resists.

If patience expands one's time, tolerance expands one's space, allowing differences to generate interest rather than conflict so that one can learn from them and live in a wider world. Patience, tolerance, and humor must be practiced in moderation, for there are circumstances in which a light heart is not appropriate, and evils that not be tolerated or patiently borne. But neither ought one be so consumed with evil that one becomes incapable of happiness. For life is short and evil long, and there is no need to condemn oneself to live within its prison when all around one the world is bursting with glory. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else thinking that they really get it and you are still waiting for big things to happen. This is when we have to remember that God has a plan for each one of us. God was extremely patient with us as He must have waited and waited for us to turn to Him. So, now we must pray for patience with ourselves and to understand God’s plan for us. Patience is a virtue. It always was and always will be. Love is also patient. Maybe in order to be patient and tolerant of ourselves, we have to continue to learn how to love ourselves and others. Walk your journey with peace and harmony. Love and kindness bring the peace.

Why can’t we think like that the reality is the good things were already there waiting for all of us but we needed time and patience to find them. I bet you are not agree with me as the current situation is worse. With positive thinking , chatting and reading deep inside you your soul has a hope. Work hard for that hope and keep faith in yourself and ofcourse your God. Pay attention to your feelings. When we hurt deeply, there is always a life lesson we can draw from the experience. Someone may treat you a certain way because in this life they are teaching you something. Example: self respect, patience, tolerance, love, self belief, and independence. Ask yourself before you judge others, why am I affected so unusually by their actions? Why is it so personal to me? These questions will unlock the true reason YOU are mad or offended at them.. Often although their actions are worthy of your upset, it is not their actions or rudeness directly that is causing your emotions to take you over in an angry or irritated state.

An individual who is sensitive to the issues of tolerance and the results of prejudice and biases and would like to make a difference in today’s world. But, can you make that difference? Your task is to develop a plan of action , interpretation of onself ,discussing with your family or friends and their response can give you a clear picture of your personality. People with high self esteems and high self images don't see others in negative ways, they have no desire to discourages or make fun of people because they simply don't feel this inside themselves. I admit it takes patience to even get that far with others who irritate you, but to be realistic it's not them you should be worried about fixing... It's yourself. If you can't without hesitation say your happy, you probably have some forgiving to do. Every person you don't forgive becomes a heavy cohesive source you away from freedom to express yourself and be happy. You cannot change them directly. You can however change how you perceive them, how you see their actions and you can deal with whatever it is inside you that your projecting onto their actions and not liking. When you first take responsibility for your own emotions, and why you feel angry in the first place you start to understand, that it is not them your angry at, it is yourself. O’God it is very tough and slow procedure but you can change your way of thinking not the world. There is a saying “Change your reaction change their action”.

“Patience is a virtue and a power too. Patience tells us that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and that we get over there one step at a time. Patience teaches us not to rush. Knowing that there is a reason and a season for everything it enables us to smile at the challenges, realizing that there is an answer to every problem. And, even though we cannot see it, yet there is awareness that within every crisis lies an opportunity.”

“What is tolerance? -- it is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each others folly -- that is the first law of nature.”

God bless and keep smiling!

The Only Think I Can Share With You All...

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 01:07:00 +0000

The Only Think I Can Share With You All... To Spread The Words Of Love And Peace

Well that is a totally wrong statement I have a lot to share with all of you. My life is nor a one article , chapter or a book. It is The Books. A proud and the strong female from that region of the world which is under an eagle eye of the west and so called terrorism; North West Frontier Province, Pakistan, and a sensible and professional female from the East coast United States of America, what a great combination? Just think for a while what is my journey looks like? How I struggle, survive and achieve? Where am I standing now ? What is my destiny? What I want to be and yesh what I can not to be? O’God , I am lost. Right now, I am feeling same like that infant who just learn to make sounds and trying to communicate with the world. I would like to share but may be this is the wrong time for “I, me and myself”. O’lalaa...

As you know the time is ripe for worse sociological changes everything in it is in proper. There is straightaway the dark clouds began to scatter negative expressing behavior because of social crises like financial , physical and psychological, not secure and yes not secure at all. Trouble comes in threes, they say. But when that trouble involves money, it often seems to come in calamity-ridden clusters. Majority of the people say Where did I go wrong? Why only me? It's tempting to cry, Why me? and believe that these events came out of the blue. But that's probably not true. And that's what you have to face if you want to avoid future financial crises. Especially nowadays the there is globally financial crises . Face it with a deep breath time never remain the same. Every day has a night and night has a day. Think positive ,hard work, hope and the patience will help .

There are less opportunities and more needs for example no jobs. These days, it's safe (though discouraging) to assume that you'll eventually have to live through a period of time where you aren't working. Unemployment poses questions, such as how you can pay bills and where you'll be working next. It's important to remember that this situation is more common than you think, and you can survive a time without a job. Try to explore other options try to start any kind of work where you can make couple of bucks, labor job, tutor, baby sitter, cook, tailoring e etc. Utilize your savings account. Hopefully, you've been putting money away into an emergency fund. Now is the time to use it. Circumstances such as surviving without a job qualify you to tap into your savings. If you don't have a savings account, take this as a learning experience and start one when you begin your new job. Consider a part-time job. Although a part-time job may affect your unemployment entitlement, its benefits far outweigh this factor. It will keep you busy and stave off depression and make you feel useful and productive. It may open up an opportunity for full-time employment, and if not, it shows other potential employers that you're not lazy. Rely on your family and friends. Ask them if they need your help in their business or work. Not necessarily for financial help, although if it gets to that point and they offer, you should consider accepting. But your family and friends may be able to provide a network of contacts in the working world and emotional support when times get tough. Always keep this in your mind you are not the only who is facing this financial crises it is the global recession. Don’t think it is the end of the life stop wasting your time on the negativism. Explore options, help and guide each other how to make the money in the decent way?

Lets come to the humanitarian and security crisis of the world. “Peace will come when the Love of Power is replaced with the Power of Love.” I do not feel about or toward; consider, evaluate or regards how the security crisis started? Why and who started it? I only would like now time to stop all that injustice and unhuman acts. We are tired of the wars and the terrorism. The truth is that the violence of any kind never solved a conflict. Blot or strike out the opponent doesn't mean that you solved a conflict and in no way proves you as a winner. Violence is not an option but just a primitive instinct. And we, as an intelligent being, have the option to educate ourselves to do better. For me to say this differently, the heart of the problem is the ego which leads to conflict, which could lead to various forms of aggression such as war or terrorism. I bet you are agreed with it. Now, if only most people could learn and understand this, then violence will be stopped. Emotional reactions to war and terrorism would include increased feelings of anxiety, fear and worry and an increased feeling of stress. Anger and other strong emotions can trigger potentially deadly heart rhythms in certain vulnerable people, U.S. researchers.If the following symptoms occurs in ones personality need treatment;-

Difficulty communicating thoughts
Difficulty sleeping
Difficulty maintaining balance
Easily frustrated
Increased use of drugs/alcohol
Limited attention span
Poor work performance
Headaches/stomach problems
Tunnel vision/muffled hearing
Colds or flu-like symptoms.
Disorientation or confusion
Difficulty concentrating
Reluctance to leave home
Depression, sadness
Feelings of hopelessness
Mood-swings
Crying easily
Overwhelming guilt and self-doubt
Fear of crowds, strangers, or being alone and so many

Ways to Ease the Stress

Talk with someone about your feelings– anger, sorrow, and other emotions-- even though it may be difficult.
Don't hold yourself responsible for the disastrous event or be frustrated because you feel that you cannot help directly in the rescue work.
Take steps to promote your own physical and emotional healing by staying active in your daily life patterns or by adjusting them. This healthy outlook will help yourself and your family. (i.e. healthy eating, rest, exercise, relaxation, meditation.)
Maintain a normal household and daily routine, limiting demanding responsibilities of yourself and your family.
Spend time with family and friends.
Participate in memorials, rituals, and use of symbols as a way to express feelings.
Use existing supports groups of family, friends, and church/Mosque etc.
Establish a family emergency plan. Feeling that there is something that you can do can be very comforting.

Things to Remember..

No one who sees a disaster is untouched by it.
It is normal to feel anxious about you and your family's safety.
Profound sadness, grief, and anger are normal reactions to an abnormal event.
Acknowledging our feelings helps us recover.
Focusing on our strengths and abilities will help you to heal.
Accepting help from community programs and resources is healthy.
We each have different needs and different ways of coping.
It is common to want to strike back at people who have caused great pain. However, nothing good is accomplished by hateful language or actions.

For two people destroying two countries and killed thousands of innocent people is not a fight against terrorism. We can stop all that through assertive communication skills, equal rights, love and affection to bring the Peace. Reinforce the idea of safety and security, both on a personal level and a global level.

God bless and keep smiling!

Every Human-Being is Corrupt

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 03:30:00 +0000

Uh huh.. to tell you the truth, I have a corrupt brain. Same like others majority of times I am really negative thinker or player as my approach towards any (?) is negative toward positive to get its answer. But as for myself I can say I am a "Chicken" or a"Looser" I am not a successful negative player. Because of my faith or inside me there is another me who always redirect me towards positive approach. May be I have a good soul or religious , ah nah or you can say love to please my God and thankful to Him for everything I m blessed with.

Now lets see how correct is this sentence . Every human brain is corrupt in the one way or another. No-one is satisfied in their lives. Why human brain thinks negative? Why our approaches toward majority of things are negative? Why majority of people like to be critics?. Why in this world there is less Peace and more hatred and the war?

Positive and negative exist side by side in our universe so peace and violence too exist. We can only reduce the strength of violence by increasing more number of positive approaches than existing negative, but not possible to eliminate completely. Two individuals have two views so opinions also vary. These differences of opinions lead to opposition. If opposition is not there positive will always function extremely and will feel what is being done is correct. What correct felt may be incorrect to second person? Extreme of positive is also a reason for negative to come in form. Disobedience becomes their first objective. Ruling people adopt two methods one is use of force and other is bring back resists to their frame work by convincing or relaxation. When agreement not reached by relaxation or adjustments weapons become the source in response. This gives birth to terrorism or what ever name we give does not matter because use of weapons by rulers, rebels or supporters all are terror creators and their acts have to bear by ordinary people who are not involved. Killing innocent people by one gang or a leader is terrorism. Mapping human brain functions is not new; however, using multiple components allows investigators to produce a different snapshot of the brain to gain additional insight.

Life is running so fast. There are less opportunities and more needs. People are trying to cross each other defeat them with their success, power or materialistic stuff. Same theory every action has a reaction goes to positive and negative approach .If action is friendly lovable obvious reaction you will get will be the same. If it is negative reaction will be negative. Negative environment gains energy by mass that begin to adopt corrupt practices. The root of the issue is the long and short of it? The game makes the player. When we play games, we are at the outset making an agreement that we are going to do whatever the game tells us to. We can change our minds. We can find out beforehand what is in the game. But such questions just lead to more questions.. People negative criticism because it is the safe way out. Most people are too afraid to make the positive stand. It's very easy to criticize something. It's very difficult to say you like something and then have to defend your opinion against other people. And since most things do generally suck in the real world, it makes perfect sense to take the easy way out and offer negative criticism since you have a very good chance of your opinion being deemed the correct one in hindsight. Majority of the time hate, insecure and in inferiority. If they say something positive someone who's opinion they value might disagree and then their insecure is now confirmed in public. Being negative is safe.

Studies have revealed that negativism develops during the first year of life. Negativism is an aspect of one of the essential features of appositional-defiant disorder, characterized by a pattern of behavior that is defiant, negativistic/refusal, and hostile toward authority figures. When negativism does not diminish, it becomes a characteristic of the individual's personality. Negativism is an aspect of one of the essential features of appositional-defiant disorder, characterized by a pattern of behavior that is defiant, undesirable, and hostile toward authority figures. However, for the majority of children who display negativism, the behavior will pass with further development.

Let’s face it; anyone can have a bad attitude. We have all experienced feelings of anger and frustration and have been challenged by different problems of various types. But its how we deal with these feelings and problems that creates our attitude. Most people want the bad attitudes to just go away. Unfortunately, bad attitudes and negativity do not just go away on their own. The attitudes creating negativity can turn into major productivity issues if not handled appropriately positive thinking can turn your life the other way around because many of our pain and suffering in life that we experience is because of expecting bad things to happen, excess worry and anxiety. under laying many of the personal disorders people have is incorrect perception of reality or viewing reality from a much worse perspective than its really is thinking in a positive way will make your life much happier and healthier because you will be either living a positive moment or expecting a positive moment.

The key for positive thinking is changing your "self talk" to a positive self talk instead of a negative one, self talk are the phrases and words you use when you think or talk to yourself, for example a negative thinker could use phrases in his mind like "oh I will never make it in time" or maybe "I don't expect to do well today, just like every time or I m the outstanding person people jealous with me. This negative self talk can easily be changed into positive self talk using training , whenever you find yourself thinking negatively say to your self "I must be more rational, logical and subjective judgmental things may not be that negative", after some time of practice positive thinking will become a habit and you may not need to force it manually .Religion and positive thinking is another source of changing your way of thinking from negative to positive one is getting more involved into religion. All religions contain ideas that encourage expecting the best from God and his deeds. Friends or family can be a source of either positive or negative ideas, make sure you pick positive thinking friends , optimists are natural positive thinkers , stay longer with them and tell them more about your future plans, you can notice if someone is an optimist or pessimist by just taking a look at him using face reading. What if there was real negative things face it and fix it or its worth to mention that being a positive thinker does not mean ignoring all negative aspects of something but instead both negative and positive aspects are to be considered but the emphasis you put on the negative aspects should be much lower than those of the positive aspects.

Suicide bombing, surprise bombing/ attack by storm and the wars are not the positive approach to finish the terrorism and bring the Peace. Through assertive communication, equal rights , love and affection brings the trust and peace in this world.

Spread the words of Love and Peace....)

God bless and keep smiling!

The Primal Leadership

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 01:40:00 +0000

What is the Primal Leadership?
Primal is basic or Psychology relating to feelings or behavior postulated to form the origins of emotional life. Whereas a leadershipis a person or thing that is the most successful or advanced in a particular area or a person or thing that leads. Here I would like to share Primal Leadership authors Goleman, Boyatzis and McKee identify four emotional intelligence "domains" which bridge leadership "competencies," the majority of which depend upon skills in listening to one's self and to others.

Domain 1, Self Awareness includes the competencies of emotional self-awareness, accurate self-assessment, and self-confidence. Awareness is the first step in the creation process. As you grow in self awareness, you will better understand why you feel what you feel and why you behave as you behave. That understanding then gives you the opportunity and freedom to change those things you’d like to change about yourself and create the life you want. Without fully knowing who you are, self acceptance and change become impossible.

Domain 2, Self-Management includes the competencies of emotional self-control, transparency, adaptability, achievement, initiative, and optimism. Self-management strategies fall under the term " self control" as a broader construct. There have been several self-control procedures demonstrated in the literature for children with disabilities. Some of these terms are"self-assessment","self-monitoring", and " self-evaluation. Self- assessment is a primary component of any of the more complex self-management programs. Basically, self-assessment means does the student understand whether or not he is performing the behavior of interest
Mastery of domains one and two, which the authors describe as personal competence, depends heavily upon listening to one's self, becoming aware of one's emotional state, values, standards, and impact upon others. Self-examination and gathering feedback about oneself through coaching and 360 reviews assist with the development of personal competence.

Domain 3, Social Awareness includes empathy, organizational awareness, and service. If you want to boost your standings with your project team, learn to listen with empathy. This includes giving others your full attention when they are speaking and letting them speak instead of interrupting or finishing their sentences. When they have expressed themselves, respond with empathy and emotions (e.g. that sounds tough, you sound sad). Finally, ask them what you can do to help. Don’t assume that you have to solve their problems or tell them what to do.

Domain 4, Relationship Management includes inspirational leadership, influence, developing others, being a catalyst for change, conflict management, and teamwork/collaboration. Mastery of domains three and four, which the authors describe as social competence, flows from empathic listening and resonating to others' thinking to develop one's thoughts and actions, which enables a leader to provide both unified and individual senses of direction for his or her group. Empathic listening is a skill that requires a basic level of understanding along with regular practice.

Five Steps Towards Learning Leadership Skills.

Step one is identifying one's ideal self, which is to say, uncovering and listening to one's core values and beliefs to draw a picture of the person one aspires to be. What's important to me? What am I passionate about? What does my "gut" say to me?
- Learn and apply real solutions to everyday issues like career, money, relationships...
-Improve your performance while motivating to be at your absolute best
-Discover your gateway to a more fulfilling life

Step two is identifying the real self, which is to say, discovering how one appears to others, regardless of how one sees one's self. (For the uninitiated: people who have tried this sometimes find the two views startlingly different.) This is done by listening to one's self (self awareness) and others (empathy) to gauge the effect one is having, as well as through coaching and 360 feedback from peers, subordinates, supervisors, customers, and others. "What is true for you is true, and there is no other truth." Successful action is dependent on the fundamental "Cycle of Action"--Start, Change and Stop. Many people have trouble with one or more of these steps. They can Start things, but not build them up requiring Change. Some are always changing things but accomplishing little, and some continually fail to stop things that need stopping.

Step three is to make a plan to build on strengths and reduce gaps. One obviously needn't be strong in every area--realistically, no one is--but one may choose to improve in respects that one considers important. Focus on the best interests, prioritize, promote action and respond. Strengthen networks and systems and support capacity.

Step four is to experiment deliberately with and practice new skills to bring about change according to one's step three plan. Learn , learn and learn.

Step five-- one through four--is to develop trusting, encouraging relationships that provide support during the learning process.

Very short and crystal clear, the theories set forth in Primal Leadership suggest that advanced listening techniques are essential to learning to become, and being, an effective leader.

- Identify common communication problems that may be holding them back.
- Identify personal listening styles and cite different approaches to improve listening skills.
- Develop skills in asking questions to get the information they need.
- Learn how to say No and disagree with others assertively.
- Enhance their ability to influence different personalities through rapport.

God bless and keep smiling!

Are You a Real Professional?

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 00:15:00 +0000

Are you a real Professional.... please smile and then answer...Huh???

Real professionals perform well in five key areas:

1. Knowledge: Real professionals understand what other people want and need, what their own products and services can provide, where and how to get assistance, what’s changing in their own company and in the world of those they serve. How good is your product, process, service and industry knowledge? Want to improve? Read more, listen better, discuss with others, get mentoring, get coaching, get going.

2. Skills: Real professionals are proficient and skillful. They know how to do the right thing at the right time and in the right way. How good are your hard skills (technical competence) and soft skills (getting things done with people)? Need to improve? Study and practice new techniques, watch the masters in action, get more training, get more qualified. Be really good, then get better.

3. Attitude: Real professionals are more than technically bright. Their enthusiasm is motivating and infectious. Customers feel assured by their confidence. Colleagues are touched by their compassion. How powerful is your attitude? Need to improve? Get clear about what turns you on and why you care to serve. Align your values with your company’s goals, your customers’ needs and your colleagues’ shared commitment. And watch your mind set like a hawk. No whining when you should be shining.

4. Effort: Real professionals have a strong will and ambition to succeed. They may be humble, but they are not shy about striving for spectacular performance. These winners go the extra mile and help others along the way. They push themselves and drive their teams to greater achievement. And customers reinforce their effort with well-earned praise. How strong is your effort? Want to increase it? Then set big, bold goals and high, stretching targets. Do something every day to move on, move up, move forward.

5. Relationships: The greatest professionals help other people move into the future. They make suggestions to solve your immediate problem and then give guidance to take you further. They anticipate your questions and prepare answers in advance. They think about your success and give advice that’s packed with value. Want to strengthen your relationships with others? Learn to listen more closely for real concerns. Make offers without being asked. Network with others in your company, your industry, your town. Lend a hand whenever you can and be willing to receive one.

God bless and keep smiling!

Borderline Personality Disorder

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 23:24:00 +0000

Well, I have come across different personalities I noticed they have this Borderline personality disorder. Therefore, today I was reading about it and would like to share with my beloved readers. As you all know the sensitivity of my subject. I can not make it by myself. I get information by reading different theories and experiments after that I share with you. Hope you will enjoy.

Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD) is a psychiatric diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV Personality Disorders 301.83 that describes a prolonged disturbance of personality function characterized by depth and variability of moods. The disorder typically involves unusual levels of instability in mood; "black and white" thinking, or "splitting"; chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual's sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2 percent of adults, mostly young women. There is a high rate of self-injury without suicide intent, as well as a significant rate of suicide attempts and completed suicide in severe cases. Patients often need extensive mental health services, and account for 20 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations. Yet, with help, many improve over time and are eventually able to lead productive lives.

Diagnosis is based on a clinical assessment by a qualified mental health professional. The assessment incorporates the patient's self-reported experiences as well as the clinician's observations. The resulting profile may be supported or corroborated by long term patterns of behavior as reported by family members, friends or co-workers. The list of criteria that must be met for diagnosis is outlined in the DSM-IV-TR.

Borderline type (F60.31) is Emotionally unstable personality disorder . This requires the following, in addition to the general criteria for personality disorder: disturbances in and uncertainty about self-image, aims, and internal preferences (including sexual); liability to become involved in intense and unstable relationships, abusing others with using bad language, threats, often leading to emotional crisis; excessive efforts to avoid abandonment; recurrent threats or acts of self-harm; and chronic feelings of emptiness. Borderline personality disorder and mood disorders often appear concurrently. Some features of borderline personality disorder may overlap with those of mood disorders, complicating the differential diagnostic assessment.

While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day.5 These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

Types of counseling commonly used to treat the disorder include:-

* Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which focuses on changing certain thoughts and behavior patterns to control the symptoms of a condition.
* Dialectical behavior therapy, which helps reduce destructive behaviors by teaching healthy ways to adapt to and cope with challenges and feelings of frustration or lack of power.
* Psycho dynamic therapy, which focuses on uncovering or understanding your past to gain insight into your actions and current behavior. This technique assumes that problems with behavior are caused by internal conflicts that you are not consciously aware of.
* Family therapy, which can help educate your family about your condition and provide support to you and to those who care about you and are affected by your condition. For example, it is sometimes difficult for a parent with borderline personality disorder to be nurturing, even to his or her own child.
* Support groups, where you and people you care about are able to meet others who share similar challenges.

Techniques that may help you manage symptoms of borderline personality disorder, such as stress and anxiety, include:

* Getting enough sleep and going to bed around the same time every night.
* Eating a balanced diet.
* Getting regular exercise, such as walking or swimming.
* Avoiding alcohol, illegal drugs, and medicines that have not been prescribed to you. These may make your symptoms of borderline personality disorder worse and also may interfere with your prescribed medicines.
* Avoiding any major life decisions (like changing jobs, moving, or getting married or divorced) when you are feeling irritable, anxious, angry, or depressed.
* Building a strong social support system by developing positive relationships with other people, such as family members, friends, and health professionals.

Techniques that may help you manage features of borderline personality disorder include:

* Getting enough sleep and going to bed around the same time every night.
* Eating a balanced diet that is low in saturated fat and contains lots of fresh fruits and vegetables.
* Getting regular exercise, such as walking or swimming.
* Avoiding alcohol, illegal drugs, and medicines that have not been prescribed to you. These may make your symptoms of borderline personality disorder worse and also may interfere with your prescribed medicines.
* Avoiding any major life decisions (like changing jobs, moving, or getting married or divorced) when you are feeling irritable, anxious, angry, or depressed.
* Keeping scheduled counseling appointments and taking your medicines as prescribed.

Treatment if the condition gets worse

If your symptoms associated with borderline personality disorder get worse while you are being treated with professional counseling and medicines, you may need to be hospitalized briefly until serious symptoms (such as intense thoughts of suicide) are reduced.

Your doctor may also prescribe medicines, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), to help reduce symptoms and prevent relapse (a return of your symptoms). It may take several weeks for these medicines to become effective.

You can help manage symptoms by getting enough sleep regularly, eating a balanced diet, getting regular exercise, avoiding alcohol and medicines not prescribed for you, avoiding big decisions when you are feeling low, keeping scheduled counseling appointments, and taking all medicines as prescribed.

Successful treatment for borderline personality disorder is more difficult but not impossible if you have:

* Been abused as a child.
* Experienced symptoms early in life.
* Had symptoms over a long period of time.
* Continued to be unable to control your emotions.
* Experienced problems with aggression, substance abuse, or other mental health conditions, such as depression.

God bless and keep smiling!

Management Performance

noreply@blogger.com (Irum Khan) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 22:35:00 +0000

Performance management helps organizations achieve their strategic goals. Rather than discarding the data accessibility previous systems fostered, performance management harnesses it to help ensure that an organization’s data works in service to organizational goals to provide information that is actually useful in achieving them and focus on the Operational Networking Processes between that performance level. The main purpose of performance management is to link individual objectives and organizational objectives and bring about that individuals obey important worth for enterprise. Additionally, performance management tries to develop skills of people to achieve their capability to satisfy their ambitiousness and also increase profit of a firm. Performance measurement is the process of assessing progress toward achieving predetermined goals. Performance management is building on that process, adding the relevant communication and action on the progress achieved against these predetermined goals.

The key management qualities are;-
1- Honesty

You will have to deal with many problems and challenges. From time to time you will have to make some tough choices. Those that you manage will look to you for re-assurance that everything will be okay. It is not always going to be possible to do that so learn to be honest with people.

2-Act with integrity

Acting with integrity is about behaving in a way that demonstrates professionalism. There will be times, especially when under pressure where you might be tempted to breach your own standards. Notice when this is happening and catch yourself before you say or do something that conflicts with your values.

3-Reliability

Your team will look to you for support and help when things are difficult for them. Be there for them and show them that they can rely on you through good and not so good times. “Together we stand divided we fall.

4-Being accountable

Part of the deal of being a manager is being accountable for what is and what is not delivered. If you are happy taking the rewards that comes with a management role, it is important to make sure that you are willing to take responsibility for results.

5-Resilience

Good managers have a knack of bouncing back from setbacks and disappointments. In other words they are resilient. They believe in themselves and what they can achieve and see setbacks as an obstacle to overcome.

6-Determination

Getting results or time line requires both inspiration and determination. Determination is a willingness to keep looking for ways to get the result you want, even when the odds appear to be stacked against you.

7- Common sense.

The final quality that good managers have in abundance and is often overlooked is common sense. When faced with a host of challenges, it is all too easy to lose sight of the obvious solutions.

Performance management (and any related employee training) is for a purpose - to create change, drive improvement, to meet your goals, whatever they may be. Make sure you are clear on your goals and that the people you are managing or training are clear on them too. Agree with them a specific (quantified, if possible) outcome that you both hope and expect to achieve as a result. Often this is easy, for example if relating to performance against simple sales targets or such like. Make sure the goals you set yourself and your employees are SMART. That is: - Specific (as just discussed). - Measurable - so that you will know when it has been achieved. - Agreed - your people are unlikely to bring about the successful outcome you want unless they "buy into" the goal. - Realistic - because we're expecting to achieve these goals, right? - Time-bound - know when you're aiming to have it complete. Your communication schedule will be driven by the needs of your audience and the availability of the information to be communicated. Tools and techniques include tools you'll use to convey the information, tools you'll use to gather the information, and tools you'll use to store and retrieve the information .There are 2 different categories for distributing information: push and pull. Many of your project's communications will lend themselves equally well to both methods remember that the accuracy of the information you communicate about the project will have a profound affect, either good or bad, on your reputation. You need to do your utmost to ensure the information you communicate is accurate. Try to use the assertive communication skills. Design a plan, implement, monitoring and evaluation is the method used in any kind of project management.

God bless & keep smiling!