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What Is He Thinking During No Contact? (8 Most Common Thoughts)

Thu, 11 Mar 2021 12:13:42 GMT

What is he thinking during no contact? Does he think about me at all or has he forgotten about me entirely and moved on while I can’t stop thinking about him?

Is there any chance of getting back together with him? Have I made a mistake by sticking to the no contact rule?

Let me reassure you and tell you that the no contact rule was not a mistake, it was the best way to go.

All these questions are inevitable and they come from our broken heart and crushed dreams. They come from our pain and our fear of never having back that feeling we experienced with a certain person.

‘Out of sight, out of mind’ is echoing in your head and you can’t help but think about the worst-case scenario.

That is why our first instinct when somebody leaves is to go after them, get them back, prove that we are perfect together and that our love is worth staying for and worth the fight.

But that’s exactly what we shouldn’t be doing because it will only push them further away.

Another best thing you can do is use THESE BRILLIANT TECHNIQUES to make him beg you to take him back.

You both need this time gap of radio silence, no matter how hard it is.

It helps you figure out where you are at and to process the whole situation. You need a cool head and collected thoughts.

When you are freshly out of a relationship, you don’t have that. You can’t think straight, you are hurt and your emotions are all over the place.

If you leave no space for breathing right after the break-up, things will definitely be over and there will be no going back.

If you are bold enough to follow through with the no contact rule, try not to break it. It’s easy to fall into the trap of staying in touch with your ex and getting that feeling of false comfort.

That trap will comfort you and it will feel good to hear from him and have him close but you won’t be satisfied or happy, at least not entirely.

It will be short-term and entirely unfulfilling. When he decides to leave again, you will only be crushed.

You need to give it time and be determined and brave in your decision to avoid contacting your ex.

However, the questions I mentioned at first will still be your main thoughts and you will just want to get into his head to see, “What is he thinking during no contact?”

That’s why we are here to help. He is bound to think of you because the no contact period leaves him enough room to do so.

For more bulletproof advice on how to get him back, USE THIS GUIDE.

What Is He Thinking About During No Contact?

Every guy experiences the no contact period in a different way. Generally, the no contact period will awaken his emotions and make him realize how much he misses you and cares about you. It can also awaken his jealousy, make him feel confused, or make him regret his past actions.

These are the most common thoughts a guy has during the no contact period:

He is confused

Did he expect you to text by now and stalk him on social media?

He expected you to call. He expected you to come by, knocking on his door and demanding explanations.

He expected sad Facebook updates and Instagram stories with meaningful, sad quotes. Instead, he got nothing but complete radio silence.

So, what is he thinking during no contact?

He is confused but in a good way. He is thinking about you, about all the hows and whys and what happened that changed you so much.

He fears that you have given up on him this early on and he can’t believe it. The less he knows about you the more he will wonder about you.

This is a great indicator that the no contact rule works on him (assuming you want him to think about you).

He is regretting his actions

After he has had a chance to experience life on his own, he will start missing everything you had.

He will start thinking that he made a mistake. He will start missing you and all those moments you shared.

He has taken everything for granted. Distance made him see that what you had was priceless and if he doesn’t make any effort immediately, you will slip through his fingers.

Sometimes you don’t know what you have until you lose it, and that’s how it usually is with men. After a break-up, they are usually sad but not crushed.

They don’t think about all the things they have lost; only after some time, when they are done partying and living their single man’s dreams, do they realize that they miss all they had with you.

He is wondering if you miss him at all

What is he thinking during no contact? He is used to hearing from you and seeing you often and now all of a sudden that is gone.

He can’t help but wonder why. You seemed crushed when you guys broke up and you are not falling for his late-night texts and possible attempts of a booty call.

You left him wondering:

“Where is that woman who replied instantly every time his name lit up her screen?”

“Where is that woman who couldn’t wait to see me?”

“Why is she ignoring me?”

“Why can’t I stop thinking about her and she doesn’t even care?”

“Is she in a new relationship?”

Newsflash: she decided she wanted more than random texts and occasional hookups.

She decided she didn’t want to pretend you guys could be friends after a break-up because it was hurting her.

She decided to give you some time to come to your senses and see that she is amazing and you had something great before you messed it up.

She is sticking to the no contact rule until you are ready to be all in. She is tired of receiving crumbs.

He is fighting his fear of commitment

His feelings are divided. He wants you but at the same time, he is scared as hell.

It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact that he is simply not ready to make anything long-term.

He will probably overcome these fears at some point but the question is if you will still be waiting.

The truth is that commitment phobia can last for a long while and he is the only one who can fix it. There will come a point in which he will have to face his fears or lose you forever.

His love for you has to be stronger than his greatest fear, otherwise, he is not worth the wait and he is not the one for you.

He is wondering if you have moved on

Are you dating somebody else? He has had no contact with you and he doesn’t know if there are any other men in your life and the not knowing part is killing him.

He is scared that breaking up with you has sent you into somebody else’s arms.

Somebody else may be taking his place and taking what he thought would always be his. You won’t have to do anything to make him think that, his male mind alone will create all sorts of scenarios.

The no contact period will awaken his jealousy and make him realize what he is losing.

He thinks that he’s going to “win this breakup”

What is he thinking during no contact? Well, believe it or not, one of the things men (might) think about during no contact is how they are going to win it.

We all know that men are competitive creatures so why would this no contact thing be any different, right? So, how does a person wins breakup according to men?

He thinks that if he refuses to contact you first, he will win and become a legit dumper (which makes you a dumpee).

He’s waiting for you to contact him first because if you do, it will mean that he won. Hillarious, I know.

If you want to get your ex back, don’t fall for this trick. Don’t reach him out despite all the love you still have for him.

If he genuinely cares about you, he will contact you first and won’t bother thinking about winning a breakup or other stupid things.

He thinks that he has lost you forever

Why is my ex silent after a breakup? What’s he thinking during no contact?

Another thing he might think about during no contact is the fact that he has lost you forever.

He MIGHT contact his best friend to tell him that he’s worried about losing you for good and that he’s about to experience severe heartbreak. Okay, I doubt men would ever talk so openly about their feelings but you get the idea.

He thinks that now he’s officially your ex-boyfriend and you will never be together again. He’s convinced that you moved on for good or that you’re already in a new relationship.

Men are also great at overthinking and the only difference is that they need more time to enter that phase. As being a woman, I admit that overthinking comes naturally to me like breathing. Of course, this doesn’t mean that every woman overthinks but you get the idea.

All in all, if he thinks that he has lost you forever, this is a good thing. It will make him anxious and it will make him miss you.

If you want to make your ex miss you, even more, treat him like your best friend (when and if he decides to contact you and I’m sure he will).

He doesn’t think about you at all because he is only thinking about himself

If you had the misfortune to come across someone narcissistic, self-absorbed and manipulative then rest assured that he only has one thought in mind and one thought only and that is himself.

He is the type of man you use the no contact rule with to get over him and not to get him back.

The pain after the break-up will be excruciating regardless of your rationalizing and the fact that you are better off.

However, the no contact rule will help you in your healing process because the worst thing you can do is risk falling back into his toxic web again. The recovery process will be long and hard but essentially worth it.

You have been missing out on life, attending to his needs, and it’s time you start thinking about yourself and rebuilding your life from scratch.

These are pure facts:

He might want to get in touch but it will never be because he has changed or he wants things to be different.
He will want it so he can fulfil his sick need to have you under his control.
He will want to see if he can lure you back in, just so he can leave you broken once again.

If you are aware that the man you have been dating is a narcissist or has any sort of toxic personality, under no circumstances should you break the no contact rule.

Keep him as far away as you can from yourself. Let go of him. Don’t let him destroy your life any further.

How Do You Know If He Misses You During No Contact?

If he seems depressed, changes his lifestyle, or his posts sound like they’re about you, then you know he misses you during no contact. There are also other signs that indicate he misses you and can’t stop thinking about you, so pay close attention to all of them!

He changes his appearance

Have you noticed that we women have a tendency to change our appearance due to some significant life events?

For example, when I went through my last breakup, I changed my hairstyle because I subconsciously wanted to escape those intense feelings. Obviously, I still cared about him.

Indeed, in a way this helped me feel like I was a new, reborn person and that I’m slowly but surely healing. Well, the same thing applies to men as well.

If he changes his appearance (his hairstyle, his beard, or similar), then this means he’s fighting his feelings for you. He can’t get you out of his head and he hopes that changing his appearance will provide temporary relief for his pain.

He seems anxious and depressed

It’s really hard to decipher what’s going on in a man’s mind because they are really good at hiding their emotions. Even though he’s hurting, he might behave like everything is fine.

So, how do you find out whether he’s feeling anxious or depressed? Just check his social media posts and look for sad songs, heartbroken quotes, and other things that might indicate he’s still thinking about you.

Also, he might post things that indicate he’s having lots of fun only to hide his true feelings. If you’re not sure about what’s going on inside his head, you can always ask your mutual friends.

His mutual friends (or his friends) tell you that he misses you

What is your ex thinking during no contact? Does he miss you? If a man is hurting, chances are he’ll enter the man cave zone. He’ll hide from everyone around him including himself (if that’s even possible) and “he’ll wait for better days to come”.

BUT sometimes, men decide to talk about their feelings with their friends. Perhaps they first enter the man cave zone and then decide to share their feeling with their close friends.

If his mutual friends or his friends tell you that he misses you, then you know he’s been talking about you with them. If he’s still talking about you, this is a great sign because it means he genuinely misses you during no contact period.

He changes his lifestyle

He’s never been a gym addict but now he’s become one. He’s never been into gaming, but now that’s his main hobby. If a man changes his lifestyle, this is a legit sign that he’s trying to distract himself.

Now you’re probably thinking: But from what? Well, he’s trying to distract himself from thinking about you because he OBVIOUSLY misses you.

Also, he might be trying to impress you with his new lifestyle. This is especially true if he posts his new gym body and other new things on social media.

He is acting confused and mysterious

If a man is acting confused and mysterious, this is both a good and a bad sign.

It is a good sign because in most cases it means that he still thinks about you. It is a bad sign because it can make you confused as it made me.

Last year I pushed my now ex-boyfriend away by being clingy and needy during lockdown so we tried to go long distance for some time. Well, that long-distance trial period has turned into the no contact period.

Honestly, I expected him to text me the next day but he didn’t. He messaged me a few weeks later. He admitted that he has some problems with mental health and he needs some time for himself.

Given that my female mind is wired to sense bullshit, I knew that he was just trying to buy more time because he was indecisive about the idea of getting back together.

After a short period of time, I gave him the address of my new job and told him to contact me only if he genuinely misses me. He did it. It took him some time but he did it.

The bottom line is that men can sometimes act confusing which is also another indicator that they might be missing you without even knowing it (or letting you know).

He stalks you on social media

How do you know if a man stalks you on social media?

Well, if he likes all your posts (even those you posted two years ago), if he comments on your posts, watches all your stories on Instagram and similar, then you know he (kind of) stalks you on social media.

I bet he’s checking your profile 50 times a day because he misses you that much. Trust me, if he was determined to move on, he wouldn’t bother “stalking you” on social media.

Instead, he would delete you/unfriend you/stop following you, or whatever.

His posts on social media are vague and unclear

What does a man think during no contact when he posts vague and unclear things on social media?

By vague and unclear I’m referring to songs that you used to listen to together or random lyrics that indicate how much he misses you.

If his posts seem to be a little bit vague and they can easily be connected with your breakup and his current emotional state, then you know he’s still thinking about you (and he wants you to know it, too).

He breaks the no contact rule

He’s messaging you. To be more exact, he’s bombarding you with lots of text messages. Evidently, he broke the no contact rule. Why?

Because he still cares about you and he can no longer wait to let you know that. He might not tell you that immediately, but just give him some time and you’ll realize what exactly is going on inside his head.

When a guy breaks the no contact rule, he does it for a reason. If he was determined to move on with his life, he wouldn’t break the rule for sure.

What Does No Contact Do To A Guy?

Generally, the no contact rule helps a guy realize how much he misses you. It evokes his desire to want to come back. In a nutshell, it shows a guy that you aren’t available for him whenever he wants you.

The no contact rule shows guys that you don’t need a man to be happy because you’re perfectly happy on your own. Once a guy sees that he will realize that you’re a high-value woman and he will be determined to win you back.

This rule also helps them sort out their feelings, figure out what is that they want, and look at things from a different perspective.

The absence helps guys evaluate their mindset and feelings toward you. If you disrupt that absence (if you contact him during the no contact period), this might create a countereffect and make him move on for good.

If your wish is to make him realize how much he misses you and cares about you, then don’t chase after him. Instead, focus on rebuilding your own life and everything else will fall into place.

Will No Contact Make Him Move On?

If a man goes weeks or months without contacting you, it could mean that he moved on. Also, if you keep chasing him during no contact, this might make him move on. If he genuinely cares about you, then the no contact rule will make him come after you.

Chasing after him, letting him be with you when he is feeling lonely and finding it convenient, and providing him with emotional support, sending one unanswered text after the other or replying to his lame texts won’t get you anywhere.

It may provide you with some instant gratification but he will not be there to stay.

However, if he truly has strong feelings toward you then the no contact rule will work its magic and he will come after you. He will move mountains and do his best to have you in his life again.

He will realize that leaving you was the biggest mistake of his life. That’s why it’s vital you don’t make the first move—let him come to you. He is the one who broke things off and it’s his mess to repair.

Key Things To Remember During And After The No Contact Period

To get the best out of the no contact period, you need to be familiar with its rules and the reason(s) why you are doing it in the first place. Here are some things to pay attention to during and after the no contact period (especially if it is your first time doing the no contact rule.)

The duration of the no contact period is mainly up to you.

You have to assess how much time both of you need to let things fall into perspective. It usually varies, around 30, 60 or 90 days of no contact.

The important thing is not to break the rule, as it will make things more difficult.

One more highly important step will be to assess the situation when or if he comes back after a set no contact period. You have to see where his desire to come back is coming from.

You have to figure out whether he is coming from a place of love or a place of need.

If he is coming from a place of love, you have nothing to worry about; he will make amends for all the heartache he has put you through.

He will try to be the best partner you have ever had and you will be happy because the difficult and painful days of the NC will have finally paid off and you will finally have your shot at happiness.

However, if he comes from a place of need, he will want to come back into your life for totally selfish reasons.

He will come back for all the good things and all the benefits of being in a relationship but he will have no intention of working things out or making an effort.

He will think that just being there is enough. If that’s the case, you are better off without him and you shouldn’t let him back into your heart or your life.

The worst-case scenario will not be so bad either. Regardless of whether you used the no contact period to get him back or to get over him, you will have used that time wisely.

You are rebuilding your life.

One of the most beneficial and greatest things about the no contact period is that you are concentrating on yourself. You are putting yourself first for a change and you are focusing on your dreams and desires.

When the no contact period ends, you will feel like you have been given a new set of eyes. You will see it’s not just him who needed space—you needed it too.

Don’t be surprised if after the no contact period you realize that you don’t want him back anymore. When you are in a relationship or shortly after a break-up it’s hard to see the reality of things.

Maybe there were a lot of things that weren’t working, maybe you decided to overlook some things way too many times and now that you are far away from him you realize he was never the right one for you to begin with.

Whatever the outcome is and no matter what realizations you come to, the no contact rule will be definitely worth a try. It will help you discover and build some other side of yourself that you will love and cherish more than ever.

Final Thoughts

I hope some of these thoughts can help you grasp the overall situation better and answer the main question, “What is he thinking during no contact?”

I also know that you fear that the no contact rule won’t work in a way that guarantees you will get him back. But it is your best shot.

Whatever happens, know that you won because the no contact rule will help you rebuild your life and it will help you realize whether he’s the right one for you (or not).

If he still cares about you, he will make sure to let you know that. If he doesn’t, then you know you weren’t meant to be together.

When Does No Contact Start Working?

Sun, 11 Oct 2020 07:06:15 GMT

When does no contact start working? Everything you need to know about quitting your ex cold turkey…and making them run right back to you

Being broken up with by your girlfriend or boyfriend, especially when you least expect it, can feel like your life is falling apart. At best you may feel as though it’s a small tragedy that you’ll get over. At worst you may feel like your heart is breaking and you will never feel better again. The truth is, while breakups hurt, you don’t have to accept the hurt without doing anything. The no contact rule lets you take back the power over the person who broke up with you, make them miss you, and eventually force them to get back in touch. So does no contact work? And how long will it take until your ex misses you so much that they reach out? Let’s find out!

What is no contact? The 30 day rule after breakup

The no contact rule is very simple, you are essentially creating a void between you and your ex. This means you stop texting, you stop calling each other, of course you stop seeing each other in real life. It also means no emails, no interacting with their social media posts, no sending them funny pictures that you find or commenting on their friend’s picture in which they appear. At the very least, the no contact rule requires that you keep radio silence for 30 days after the breakup. Depending on your situation, that void might have to extent for a few more weeks or months.

The goal of no contact is to give you the power of silence after break up. Your ex made the decision to break up with you. They were the one with the power to choose, and to make a decision that would affect both of your lives. No contact is a way of making them go through what they did to you. It is saying “if breaking up is really what you want, then I’m going to break up with you, too”, and you do this by stopping any interaction with them cold turkey.

This will quickly make them realize that the breakup is a little different from what they expected. They might have thought you would crawl, begging for them to take you back. They may have already pictured refusing you time and again, still flattered by your attempts to make them change their mind. They certainly weren’t expecting you to be seemingly okay with the breakup, and cease all contact with a 30 day no contact rule. This plays with their expectations, leading to emotions they were not expecting, and this is where the no contact rule really works.

When does no contact start working after a breakup?

Let’s be honest, there are some cases in which no contact won’t work. If your ex left you for someone that they are madly in love with, or if you treated them so badly that their friends and family are now against you too, no contact will likely not work.

But in the overwhelming majority of cases, you will be able to get a reaction from your ex. They will start missing you. They will start recalling all the positive aspects of your relationship and wondering whether they made a mistake. They might not reach out straight away but still, the seed which you planted is there.

The great thing about no contact is that it makes you a winner whether your ex reaches out or not. In the best case scenario, your ex starts to miss you so much they beg you to take them back. You now have the upper hand in the relationship, and are free to decide whether you actually want them back. In the worst case scenario, your ex maintains radio silence. Now, while this may sound bad, is it still not better than begging for them to take you back? Not only will keeping in contact with your ex after a breakup make it harder for you to get over them, it also makes you unattractive to them and those around. Asking someone who broke up with you to take you back is an act of desperation. It sends the message: I am willing to be with someone who doesn’t want me. I am willing to settle for something less than love. And this makes you lesser in their eyes.

In conclusion, no contact usually works. And even in cases where it doesn’t work, it lets you keep the upper hand and, more importantly, your dignity. Think about it, even if your ex doesn’t beg to have you back, they will still be impressed by the aura of mystery that you create by maintaining radio silence over the period of no contact.

What is your ex like?

So will no contact work in your particular case? One thing you have to ask yourself is what your ex is like. Is she an impulsive girl? Is he a patient guy? In general, no contact works best on people who tend to act on impulse, and on those with little patience. Because the truth is, during no contact with your ex, they will start to miss you no matter what. What they do with that feeling is dependent on their personality. If you were dating an incredibly stubborn person, it might take months before your ex gives in and reaches out. With another personality type, it might be a matter of days. So get in your ex’s head: what are they like? How long are they likely to be able to delay the gratification of getting back in touch with you?

Why is my ex not texting me?

The truth is, there is no real way to know what your ex is thinking. They might not be texting you because they want to prove to themselves that they can live without you. Or because they are afraid to admit to themselves they made the wrong choice in breaking up with you. Just remember: the fact that they are not texting doesn’t mean they don’t care. Chances are, they miss you already but are just not ready to make the next step which is getting back in touch.

Does my ex miss me?

After 30 days of no contact, you may be asking yourself: “does he miss me during no contact?” Is this actually working? While you can never know for sure that your ex is missing you, there are a few signs that don’t lie. If your ex is asking about you to mutual friends, this is a first sign. If you run into them “by accident”, it may be another. Generally though, try not to obsess about whether your ex is thinking of you. That kind of thought pattern actually makes you feel weaker, and might make you more likely to break your own, self-imposed no contact rule.

What if my ex got into a new relationship?

If your ex got into a rebound relationship after your breakup, you may be thinking you’ve lost all your chances of making no contact work. Not so. A rebound relationship is, by definition, not as solid or genuine as the relationship that you and your ex shared. Chances are, they only entered that relationship to make you jealous. Now it’s your turn to play. Show that you are jealous and you will come across as a real loser. Show you don’t care by maintaining your no contact rule, and you come up on top. Eventually, your ex will get tired of the other person they started seeing. Attracted by the mystery that you’ve created around yourself by going radio silence, they will (probably) try to get in contact with you again.

Should I call my ex?

After a few weeks or months of going no contact with ex, you may feel like you’ve lost. They’ve had time to make a move and they haven’t. So should you risk it all and call them first? Well, let’s take a second and analyze the situation. If your ex is notoriously stubborn and you have only been doing no contact for a month or two, wait it out. They will probably come around. Now, if you have an impulsive ex who is not getting back in touch after 3 months or more, it’s time to act. At that point, you have nothing to lose so you might as well text them or call to ask how they are doing. Keep it casual, present yourself in a positive light, and never, NEVER beg for them to take you back. What you are trying to achieve with that phone call is to make them miss you even more, so that they’ll eventually be the one asking to see you again.

So when will no contact start working? Give it time, it’s different for everyone. The one thing that you need to remember is that refusing to contact your ex for a period of time is the best thing you can do, whether or not they reach out to you. So be patient, be strong, and be proud of yourself for acting with dignity. After all, partners come and go, but your relationship with yourself is what has to be maintained over a lifetime. You’ve got this!

Do you need help with your ex? Contact us for one-on-one coaching or check out this online course The No Contact Contract.

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What Is Your Ex Thinking During No Contact?

Sat, 29 Sep 2018 14:08:56 GMT

Coach Lee

Sep 29, 2018·2 min read

A lot of people want to know what their ex is thinking during the no contact period (a period of time where the person who has been broken up with does not contact the ex in any way whatsoever).

For more information, read The No Contact Rule.

They will ask if no contact makes their ex miss them or want to get back together, if the no contact rule works on men, women, etc.

If you want to know what is he thinking during no contact (or she), this article will explain the concept for both the male and female mind during no contact.

Let’s get started:

Get your ex back with Coach Lee’s Emergency Breakup Kit!

Many people who call me for coaching to get their ex back feel that when their ex broke up with them that a switch was flicked in their ex’s mind so that now their ex is cold and no longer feels anything for them. Unless your ex is truly dealing with mental problems or genuine/clinical character flaws, that is not the case.

It is most likely that your ex still cares about you and thinks about you during no contact. That does notmean you should reach out to them. You should not. If you’ve just been broken up with, read “What Do I Do If I Was Just Dumped?” for a detailed explanation of why this is the case and why it should encourage you.

Just because they’re thinking about you or even if your ex is missing you during no contact, that doesn’t mean you should text, call, or go see them. In fact, the opposite is true if you want to get them back. I discuss that in the articles linked to above but that’s not what this article is about.

Here’s the deal:

Yes, your ex probably doesn’t have bad thoughts about you unless you two broke up due to shared anger at each other. But even then, if you are giving your ex space and not pestering them with texts and calls, they are likely using your greatest ally — their mind — to separate the anger at the end from the rest of your relationship. That’s right, your ex’s mind is your greatest ally in your fight to get them back.

Your ex probably doesn’t feel the effects of no contact at the same trajectory you do.

Usually the person who has been broken up with feels the pain of no contact immediately and then begins to develop strength over time. The person who did the dumping usually feels strength (and often relief) at the very first, but with the days and weeks of no contact your ex likely begins to develop feelings of doubt in their decision, missing you, fear that you have moved on, and confusion that you have not chased, begged, and pleaded as most others do after being dumped. You want them thinking along those lines! Continue Reading This Article Here.

What Your Ex Boyfriend Is Thinking During The No Contact Rule

Fri, 10 Mar 2017 01:15:21 GMT

So, you want to know exactly what your ex boyfriend is thinking about during the no contact rule, do ya?

I’ll admit that lately this has been a very popular topic for the Private Facebook Group.

You know, it’s been really amazing seeing hundreds of women communicate in our group about their breakups. I pick up on all sorts of perspectives that I never would have thought of by myself before.

For example, one of the things that has become clear is that men react very differently to the no contact rule.

One woman can use the no contact rule on her ex and get messages like this,

Where another woman can use it and get nothing from her ex.

But in my half decade of advising women on how to get their exes back there is one thing I have learned about the no contact rule that no one out there ever talks about. It isn’t so much the panicky text messages that you get from your ex during the no contact rule that matter it’s whats going on inside of that head of his!

That’s where this article is going to come into play.

I am going to tell you EXACTLY what’s going on inside of an ex boyfriends mind during the no contact rule by using facts… pure unadulterated facts.

Wait… How Are You Going To Use Facts?

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The more and more I sit back and think about what I have over the rest of my competition out there it’s numbers and successes.

I am willing to pit my numbers, experience and successes over any one of my competitors out there.

What’s the big advantage here?

Well, since I have had so many success stories in my time here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery (and actually interviewed the women with them here, here and here) I have noticed something pretty darn cool. The women who get their exes back ask them about their time during the no contact rule so they gain the ultimate insight into what their men were actually thinking.

After they have gained that insight they actually report back to me (because they are happy they got him back.)

Do you see where I am going here?

I am going to piggyback off of the successful women who have heard what their exes are actually thinking during the no contact rule and let you in on all of the secrets.

In other words, you are going to get insight into your own man by hearing what real men are thinking during the no contact rule.

Oh, and since I am a man I am going to throw in a few of my very own insights.

Sound good?

Let’s begin!

Thought #1: She Has To Contact Me First

Out of all the thoughts I am going to let you in on today this is the one that resonates with me the most.

Why?

Well, I actually have personal experience with this.

This was the exact thought that I had during my very first breakup.

I literally remember thinking,

There is no way I am going to message here or think about talking to her. She is going to have to talk to me first.

And that’s exactly what happened.

She reached out to me first and it just fed into my ego that “I was winning the breakup.”

It wasn’t until later that I realized that me “winning” also meant that I had lost attraction for her.

You see, I am sure if you were to ask me while I was going through that breakup if I would ever consider taking her back I would have said yes.

In fact, I seem to recall a time where I literally thought to myself,

I bet if I really tried to get her back I could… But she’s going to have to contact me first.

And then it happened.

One day my phone buzzed…

I picked it up…

And lo and behold I got this text,

In that moment I truly felt like I could get her back whenever I wanted and in that moment I felt I had no desire to get her back anymore.

Why?

Well, there was no challenge to it.

Besides, we had a very tough relationship and it was just enough headwind to not make me take any action to rectify things.

Of course, this is a personal story from me. So, how do I know that this is a reaction other men will have outside of me?

Well, I’d like to turn your attention to “Kelly’s” ex boyfriend below,

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A bit of background on this one.

Kelly is actually a part of our Private Facebook Group (which is actually offered to all of my one on one coaching clients for free) and she didn’t hear from her ex at all during the no contact rule. So, naturally she was wondering what he was thinking and I eventually told her the story I just told you.

This is what she had to say after she got him back and asked him what he was thinking,

I’m back with him because he said he was too stubborn but he had been waiting to hear from me and he missed me and he wanted it all to work out.

This is real proof.

Not just some story I made up.

This is a real reaction from a real man when the no contact rule is being done to him.

Thought #2: Why Isn’t She Contacting Me?

Close your eyes and imagine something for a minute for me.

You and your ex go through a really horrible breakup.

(Wait… that probably already happened.)

Anyways, you go through this really rough breakup and decide that you are going to do the no contact rule on him.

Of course, your ex is of the mind that the two of you should be “friends” so he reaches out a few days after the breakup with a text message like this,

Pretty basic message, right?

So, in his head he’s thinking that you are going to respond within a few minutes of him sending that text to you.

There’s just one little hiccup in his plan.

He doesn’t have the slightest idea that you are in the midst of a no contact period and when your response doesn’t come he starts to panic and sends something like this,

You see, he figures that if he acts caring towards you that you are going to break down and respond to him. Of course, since you are incredibly intelligent you decide to ride things out in the no contact rule by not responding to him.

Of course, when that happens he gets a little angry by the fact that you couldn’t acknowledge “how nice he was being to you.”

That’s when you start getting text messages like these,

Do you see the progression?

How it starts off innocent and then slowly but surely evolves into anger by the fact that you are ignoring him.

It’s at this point where one singular thought is going to dominate,

Wait… why isn’t she contacting me or responding?

Now, before I started down this path I made a solemn vow.

My Vow = Every thought that I claim a man has during the no contact rule has to be backed up by real reactions by real men.

Well, I’d like to introduce you to Kathy!

Kathy is one of the most active members in the Private Facebook Group which she got access to after purchasing my book and she’s obviously dead set on getting her ex back.

Would you like to see the results Kathy is getting with the no contact rule?

Well, this is a post she recently posted to the Facebook Group,

Now, here’s a bit of context.

Kathy has been in the no contact rule for about two weeks at this point and you can see how he’s totally breaking down by the fact that she isn’t responding to him,

She has gotten 8 phone calls from him
Out of those 8 phone calls he has left 4 voicemails
She has also gotten a lot of text messages scattered throughout the day

So, why would her ex boyfriend act this crazy?

Well, let’s think about things from his perspective for a moment.

During his relationship with Kathy the two of them got into a certain routine.

He would text her…

She would text him back…

He would text her back…

And so on and so forth.

Now, here is the crazy part. Kathy told me that this routine actually continued after the two of them broke up.

It’s really strange, I have never had a breakup like this before. It’s almost like we are still dating but without the “official title.”

It was at this point that we advised Kathy to enter into a no contact rule and that’s when the fireworks began.

You see, by implementing the no contact rule on her ex Kathy has essentially interrupted the pattern that he had grown so accustomed to.

Instead of having his normal responses he is literally sitting there thinking,

Why isn’t she responding to me?

And this singular thought is motivating him enough to try to do everything in his power to get her to respond.

Thought #3: She’s Not Reaching Out To Me… Good! I Wasn’t Going To Get Back With Her Anyways

For many of you this is your ultimate nightmare but I am going to show you something that is going to completely re-frame the way you look at a man who has this thought.

But before I do that let’s talk a little bit about the state of mind a man is in who is thinking this.

So, the complete thought is,

She’s not reaching out to me…. GOOD! I wasn’t going to get back with her anyways.

This almost has an immature tone to it, doesn’t it?

For example, because you ignored your ex he is going to say/think something to limit his potential future (being with you.)

In other words, it is a reaction to the fact that he isn’t getting his way.

Anger is what usually sparks these kind of thoughts.

Think back to your relationship now.

…

…..

…….

Are you there?

Yes?

Good!

Ok, let me ask you a question.

Did your ex boyfriend ever say that he hated you or that the two of you would never be together again during your breakup?

Well, chances are that he said that during a moment of pure anger.

I mean, I don’t know many things that are as painful or angering as a breakup.

Do you?

Of course, when I try to explain to women that their ex boyfriends don’t necessarily mean what they are saying when they say they hate you, they are simply reacting to the emotions that they are feeling in that moment, it doesn’t seem to get through their heads.

Which is why I would like to introduce you to Sarah Michelle!

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Now, Sarah Michelle has a bit of an interesting story.

You see, I first met Sarah Michelle on one of my Facebook Lives within the private facebook group which she got access to after purchasing my book.

(If you didn’t already know I do Facebook Lives in the group three days a week: Monday, Wednesday and Friday!)

At the time she asked her question I was really into watching another very popular “Sarah Michelle,”

Yep, Sarah Michelle Gellar (AKA: Buffy The Vampire Slayer.)

Now, if you are new to this site then one thing that you are going to learn about me very quickly is that there are two television shows that I love above all!

Show #1: Game of Thrones

Show #2: Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Anyways, I jokingly started referring to Sarah Michelle in the group as Buffy and the name kind of stuck.

Now, let’s fast forward a month to when we receive this fun little post in the group,

So, not only did she find a way to get her ex back but she is actually engaged to him know.

Buffy got game!

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

Umm… What the hell does this even have to do with him saying that he isn’t interested in me?

Well, when I actually interviewed buffy about her success she said something that I thought was incredibly telling.

It was just so out of nowhere and I see all this girls on like the Facebook live, like their ex tells them, “I don’t love you anymore” like, “You’re too much” like, “We’re never going to be together again,” I heard all those things, all of them.

I heard every single one of those things come out of his mouth. When it came down to it, I found out he didn’t mean any of it, none of it. And I think that’s the hardest thing to comprehend, when you’re going through it because I feel a lot of the girls like in the Facebook page, all the guys say that and like when you hear it, like you just don’t understand at all.

Interesting, eh?

So, what Buffy is saying here is that her ex basically gave her all the common breakup excuses that you hear out there but when push came to shove she found out that he didn’t mean any of them.

And I have to say that this is a common trend I see time and time again.

So, while you may initially think it’s the end of the world if your ex has this thought that he isn’t going to take you back I am here to tell you that it’s not the end of the world.

Thought #4: I Am Going To Win This Breakup

I want to switch gears for a moment here and talk a little bit about thoughts I have had during my actual self imposed no contact rules during breakups.

You see, the way I figure it is that statistically speaking if I am having a thought during a no contact period other men are bound to have the same exact thoughts.

Sure, there may be a few exceptions here and there who don’t think the same ways that I do but generally speaking I serve as a pretty good litmus test.

Now, the thing you have to understand about me (and other men) is the fact that some of us like to view breakups as a competition.

Such a male thing to do… I know.

And like with any good competition there is a winner and a loser.

I think it’s important to define what the winner and the loser of a breakup are.

Winner = The person who makes their significant other fawn after them and regret their decision.

Loser = The person who fawns over their significant other and regrets their decision.

During my very first breakup I remember very clearly having this exact mindset.

I was going to do everything I possibly could to “win” the breakup or die trying.

Of course, that’s when an idea sparked in my head. Care to take a guess at what that idea was?

Go ahead and reference thought #1 in this article.

….

…….

……….

Done referencing?

That was my idea.

Isn’t it interesting how there is a strange synergy between thought #4 and thought #1.

If I hadn’t set out to “win the breakup” I wouldn’t have ever thought to “make her contact me first.”

Now, I am not one for making bold statements without having statistical proof to back them up. However, if I was a betting man I think I’d end up getting rich off of betting on the fact that most men will seek to “win the breakup” after they go through one. In fact, this is a concept that I am constantly trying to explain to my one on one coaching clients so that they fully understand the mindset of a man.

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

Why the heck does this even matter?

Well, I think it’s important to understand this mindset because it will springboard a man to have so many other thoughts during the no contact rule.

Take my example above.

I probably wouldn’t have ever thought of waiting until my ex contacted me first if I wasn’t trying to “win the breakup.”

I mean, there are so many different analogies I can draw from to prove this point.

Take any professional athlete, a profession where you get paid based on your ability to compete.

These men and women will do anything to win at their sport.

Heck, some of them take it so seriously that they cheat by using PED’s like steroids.

The important thing to remember here is that competition drives them to do it.

And a man with the mindset that he is going to “win the breakup” is essentially turning things into a competition and that means you can expect some crazy behavior from him.

Keep that in mind!

Thought #5: I’ve Lost Her Forever

I want to save the best for last!

Out of every single thought I have mentioned in this article this is the thought that you absolutely want your ex boyfriend to have.

But more on that in a second.

Yesterday I was interviewing Anna from our Facebook group.

If you didn’t already know, Anna is one of our superstar members who got her ex back,

Anyways, Anna was nice enough to agree to an interview with me where I got to pick her brain about how she used my system to get her ex back.

And during this interview she said something that really fascinated me,

“You know Chris… I asked him that if I hadn’t of reached out to him after the no contact rule if we would still be together and he said no.”

Now, this fascinates me because this isn’t actually the first time I have heard this from a woman who has gotten her ex back.

In fact, I have been hearing variations of this type of response from ex boyfriends.

So, what does it mean?

Well, at the core it means that they had hit that point where they were wanting to hear from their exes (you) but had mentally prepared themselves to move on.

Now, maybe this isn’t a revolutionary insight but I actually think it is.

I mean, it’s at the point where your ex gives up on you that you can actually have a lot of success at shifting things in your favor.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that almost every success story that I have talked to in person has repeated this insight from their exes.

Now, why do you think that is?

Well, I think it has a lot to do with “the unexpected.”

Let’s take a walk around in your exes shoes for a minute.

So, your ex hits this point in his mind where he literally thinks to himself,

I have lost her forever…

Therefore his paradigm has shifted and he has literally convinced himself of this.

(PAUSE)

I think it’s important for me to remind you that you are in the midst of a no contact rule at this point.

(UNPAUSE)

After your no contact rule is finished you send your ex the following text message,

Now, this is completely unexpected to him.

Why?

Because he has literally convinced himself that he has no chance with you ever again and this text is a ray of hope.

In other words, it’s unexpected and that makes it even more powerful than it would have originally been.

“Is My Ex Thinking About Me During No Contact?”

Today, I answer a reader’s question about whether her ex is thinking about her during no contact after a breakup.

“Hi Elizabeth,
I’m having a really hard time with no contact. My ex broke up with me 2 months ago.
I went NC 3 weeks ago and he hasn’t contacted me since. I feel like he doesn’t care about me anymore. I wonder if my ex is even thinking about me during no contact at all. It breaks my heart that he can just go on like nothing happened when we used to talk multiple times every single day.
I see on Facebook that he’s starting to date and this tears me up inside. Mutual friends say he seems happy. Does he even care that we’re broken up? I feel like he’s just going to forget all about me.
I really appreciate all of your email, it makes me feel like I’m not alone.”
—DoesHeEvenCare

Hi DoesHeEvenCare,

Thanks for your email. I see a few things here in your breakup situation that are probably causing you more pain than necessary.

The first problem is, lots of people don’t truly “get” the purpose of no contact.

People treat “going no contact with their ex” as a trick that they are doing to get their ex to wake up and pine for them.

And, if you’ve gone no contact with your ex for this reason I don’t blame you for wanting to do something (anything) to feel in control again. It can seem like no contact puts you in the driver seat and can also feel powerfully self-protective.

But going no contact after a breakup (NC) is not mind control.

NC should not make you look over your shoulder wondering “WHEN” or “IF” your ex is going to pop up so that you can pat yourself on the back for “winning” and making them pine after you.

Thinking of no contact as a manipulation like this (even though it’s because you want your ex back) lends itself to a few serious problems that actually make it harder to get your ex back in the long run.

If/when your ex does not contact you during the time that you have designated as a no contact period, it’s easy to decide that no contact “doesn’t work” and get discouraged about making positive changes in your life at all.

Waiting around for your ex to do anything during No contact is a problem within itself.

No contact is supposed to give YOU space to get yourself in order. If you’re looking at going no contact like your ex is a turkey that just needs time to cook and he’ll magically come back to you begging to see you after the time is up, you’ll fail at getting him back.

Bugging your ex all the time wasn’t working so well to get them back before you went NC, so breaking down and desperately contacting them isn’t exactly a healthy strategy either.

The point is to detach, NOT to look over your shoulder at your ex, daring them to come at you so you finally have power and control.

Unfortunately, looking at no contact as a trick you’re doing is a surefire way to feel even worse about the breakup and actually sabotage yourself completely.

You don’t go no contact because you’re trying to get a reaction from your ex.

You go no contact so that both of you have the emotional and mental space to heal from the breakup.

Especially if you follow the instructions in my coaching, you are not going no contact to magically jar your ex into a frenzied place of having to have you just by using no contact.

You’re going no contact with your ex to get time, space and perspective on the situation for both of you.

You go no contact to reinforce that you’re letting go and moving on without them.

Now, when I mention letting go and moving on, people freak out.

I completely get it, it feels like I’m saying that you have to get rid of a person you so dearly want to be with. But that’s not it.

What you have to let go of is your attachment to your ex.

Attachment is not love, it is the addiction undercurrent in any relationship. It’s the habit of being around someone. And, attachment is usually what makes people act as strangely as they sometimes do during breakups.

Attachment is also the root of all relationship problems. No contact is meant to break this unhealthy attachment so that the real love between both of you can shine through.

ESPECIALLY if you want your ex back, you must let go of this attachment for right now.

This doesn’t mean “stop loving your ex,” it means that you have to step back, rebuild, get your confidence back, and stop putting such monumental expectations and life or death significance on whatever your ex is doing.

That brings me to my second point. When I say “go no contact,” you have to ACTUALLY do no contact. This includes not checking up on their social media and not talking about them to your mutual friends about them.

When you’re all up in his business to the point where you’re hoping to control his thoughts– that’s NOT no contact.

Right now, you’re having trouble even controlling YOUR OWN thoughts and there you are, trying to dictate what he’s thinking about you and trying to place meaning on what IS/ISN’T happening with him.

“Ok, But What Is My Ex Thinking During No Contact?”

Your ex is most likely nursing a combination of hurt about the breakup just the same as you are.

Just because you haven’t heard from them does not mean that they don’t care about you or the relationship.

In fact, depending on the circumstances behind your breakup, they could be thinking about you quite often. The more they’re left alone to think about you, the more likely that your ex will break down and contact you.

If they DO contact you, be aware that this contact might not look like the grand gesture you could be hoping for. Your ex is not going to contact you only because you want him to.

Your ex has to want to get in touch with you.

Sometimes with space and distance, your ex will have the opportunity to think about you and want to talk to you.

And… isn’t that what you actually want?

Trust me, your ex thinks about you from time to time.

Be strong and hang in there,

Elizabeth Stone

Is My Ex Thinking About Me During No Contact?

Can’t Stop Breaking No Contact?: Get My Private Method Here

Is My Ex Thinking About Me During No Contact

The No Contact period is usually a buffer time of 30 days when you and your ex go about your own ways to recover from the breakup. Emotions, feelings, and thoughts run through your mind as you try to figure out what just happened. And while you’re trying to piece your life back together, it’s normal for you to start thinking about your ex.

Now, I’m sure you’re also asking this question: “Is my ex thinking about me during no contact?”

Even if your ex-boyfriend is the one who initiated the breakup, it’s likely that he will still be thinking about you during this period of time. He still cares about you and wonders how you are doing. After all, you have been a big part of his life as his cheerleader, confidante, and best friend.

Don’t get me wrong. Your ex thinking about you doesn’t mean he wants to get back together. Now that you two are officially separated, your ex needs time to adjust to his new life without you around. For sure, there will be moments where he misses having you around, which gets him thinking about you.

In most cases, these thoughts are temporary and easily fixed. You may find a phone call or text from your ex wondering how you are doing. If that happens, make sure you ignore your ex’s contact, as this will break your No Contact streak. By responding to your ex’s contact, you are helping him deal with his feelings but triggering more negative emotions inside of you.

Stick to the No Contact Rule and during your healing process and cut your ex out for the next 30 days.

There are subtle and clear signs that show that your ex misses you during no contact. Below are a few common ones that I’ve found from my own experience and coaching students. Keep in mind that if you see any of these signs, keep your cool and focus on your healing process.

1. He’s active on your social media posts.

You’re still seeing your ex commenting and liking your Instagram photos. This is a sign that your ex is checking up on you, seeing how you’re doing through your posts. It’s normal for exes to take this route to keep an eye on you. Sometimes, it feels good to know that you’re ex is still around. But the idea that he’s still lurking around may bring some confusing feelings to you. What exactly does your ex want?

If your ex’s presence on your social media bothers you or slows your recovery process, it’s best to block and unfriend your ex for the time being.

2. Your ex asks your friends and family about you.

Your ex is still connected to your inner circle. Now and then, he asks about you through your friends. At the very least, this is a sign that your ex still cares about you. He wants to know how you’re doing getting through the breakup. Maybe he’s not over you and thinks he’s made a mistake breaking up. But showing some sincerity is always a positive sign that your ex is a caring person.

3.You notice your ex changing in a better way.

It doesn’t matter who initiated the breakup, if you see your ex changing himself to become a better person, there’s always the chance that he’s trying to impress you back again. Maybe he made a mistake breaking up with you and just needed a few weeks to get his head to straighten up.

He can’t stand not having you in his life after realizing what he’s lost during No Contact.

Therefore, if you notice your ex making positive changes to his life, especially the bad habits that he knows to annoy you, wait for him to contact you again for a second chance.

Does silence make a man miss you?

If you’re giving your ex-boyfriend the silent treatment, it will make him miss you. By going cold turkey, you are making your ex wonder what you are doing. This curiosity is going to drive him crazy not knowing your current status or whereabouts.

The best part is that your ex will get a taste of what it feels like to lose you forever.

I know it’s hard to stay silent and completely block your former flame from your radar. You miss him too and always hold on to the hope of contact from your ex. But resist the temptation to give in when your ex-boyfriend reaches out. Let him feel your true absence to understand what life will be like without an amazing person like you.

It usually takes about 3 to 4 weeks for an ex to miss you with no contact. The first two weeks is usually a cooling down phase where both you and your ex recover from the breakup. This is usually the most challenging process to go through as you’re both through many emotional and physical adjustments.

Once your ex has had the time to cool down and make adjustments in his life, he will start to reflect on his choices and the past relationship from time to time. He’ll begin to miss the good old days and all the great laughs he shared with you.

He’ll start to miss that special person in his life. You.

But like I’ve mentioned earlier, just because your ex is thinking about you doesn’t mean he wants to get back together. The feeling of missing you may be temporary, and you can get instant gratification through a quick text conversation with yourself. This is false hope if you think your ex missing you is a clear sign he wants to win you back.

I’ve written more about this topic in another post. See the link below.

Will no contact make him move on?

One of the No Contact Rule goals is to help you and your ex get over the breakup and move on. Therefore, if your ex is the one who initiated the breakup, the chances are his mind is already made up to move on with his personal agenda.

Don’t be afraid of the fact that your ex is moving on. The truth is that you also need to get over your past relationship and adjust your focus back to your life.

From my experience, it’s only by moving on do most people get back together. It’s the time apart that makes you and your ex realize how important you mean to each other.

What he’s thinking during no contact?

It’s hard to decipher what your ex is thinking about during no contact. If your ex-boyfriend is the one who initiated the breakup, he is likely thinking about his next move now that he’s free and out of a relationship. He’s prepared to make a run in the competitive world and find his piece of success.

Unless it was a bad relationship, your ex likely broke up with you because he is emotionally unavailable. He’s not happy with where he is in life and needs his own time and space to figure what he wants. Your ex also doesn’t want to put any more effort into maintaining a healthy relationship because he feels like he’s not getting what he enjoys being with you.

This is why the No Contact Rule is so important. You both need time apart to figure out what each of you wants. And by giving each other some distance, it will help you see the bigger picture of your life and what’s important.

Will no contact work if he lost feelings?

If your ex-boyfriend broke up with you, chances are he has already lost feelings for you during No Contact. When the dumper breaks up with the dumpee, the dumper has already made up their mind long before the breakup. The feelings have changed, and their mind is set to move on. It might look like your ex is a narcissistic person, but the truth is that they are emotionally unavailable.

Your ex may have set his target elsewhere and decided not to put any more effort into your relationship. Maybe he’s found another attractive person or needs some space to pursue his dreams.

Don’t get your hopes up and think that the No Contact Rule will make your ex think twice about the breakup.

It is normal for your ex to be thinking about you from time to time. There are subtle and clear signs that your former flame is missing you. But just because your ex is thinking about you doesn’t mean that he wants to get back together. It’s a normal mind reflex as your ex’s brain is used to creating moments that include you.

I have listed some common signs above.

Will my ex just forget about me?

It’s doubtful that your ex will just forget about you. You have been a big part of his life for some time. Maybe you’re the only one that knows his favorite song. So when you’re someone who knows you’re ex’s deepest secrets, it’s hard for your ex to forget about you.

After all, you guys did have some pretty great moments together.

Why am I suddenly thinking about my ex?

It’s normal for you to think about your ex from time to time. When you’re going through the 30 Day Rule, you’ll helplessly be bothered with memories about your ex. It sucks, but it takes a bit of practice to stop letting your ex live rent-free in your head.

The key is to constantly keep yourself busy and distracted with activities that take away your focus. One of the best ways is to find an activity outside your apartment. Get out and try to enjoy your environment.

Wait, Do You Still Have A Chance?

Find out what your chances are of getting your ex back with
this 2 minute quiz.