To my dearest Happiness,

2011-11-23T11:19:00.001-08:00

I search but never find.

I CRY OUT, to no reply.

My heart can not live without you,

But my mind's gradually starting to doubt you.

Days, weeks, months pass me by,

Still i hold on to hope, not wanting to let it die.

I lay in my bed dreaming, of what we could be,

I wake up, and its my new companion sadness that comforts me.

Oh Happiness, was it me who did you wrong?

Perhaps I misunderstood you all along.

Were the abundant gifts of money and success not what you desired?

Or was it my constant flings with greed which left you tired?

I made sure you were always well groomed,

Perfumes, designer clothes, what you wanted? I assumed.

Looking back now, that was for judgement, not you,

You needed love. Its a shame, I neglected her too.

This emptiness is becoming hard to bare,

Happiness, there's really nothing there.

My need for you is strong,

Sometimes I feel too weak to go on.

I really wish to see you again someday,

Maybe then, I'll treat you better, and you'll stay.

As for now, am associated with being troubled and depressed

but little do they know am waiting on you...my Happiness

Do you think i'm pretty?

2011-11-20T11:38:00.001-08:00

Do I qualify to be one of Chris Brown’s ‘beautiful people’?

Or am I more like Shrek, a total outcast...?

Is it my facial features, the texture or colour of my hair?

...Hmm mayybee it’s the shape and size of my body?

As a young girl I always imagined myself as the ‘beautiful’ princess from the fairy tales I read. With the long flowing blonde hair, flawless skin, a perfect nose, you know, the one who falls in love with a hottie of a prince and lives happily ever after.

But then, I grew up. Reality kicked in and I realized that 1) My jet black afro hair was not going to miraculously turn blonde, 2) puberty was actually real and Clearasil skin products were to be my new best friend. 3) My African nose would never be viewed by society as being ‘perfect.’ and 4)...as for that prince...boi, he is still yet to be found.

Anyway, so the princess idea failed and now I feel more like the jealous queen from Snow White...mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all? *Awkward silence.*

According to Christina Aguilera though, ‘we are beautiful no matter what they say’ but wait-Christina, wasn’t it you that got a nose and boob job a couple years back? Or... am I missing something here?

So I ask again, do you think I’m pretty?

These days, even the complexion of your skin can leave you feeling isolated, even from people of your OWN race. As a result of this, we turn to tanning salons and bleaching products with ridiculous names such as CAKE SOAP– Vybz, really?

We buy hair extensions because clearly our natural hair isn’t good enough *confused face*...right?

Shouldn’t there be more focus and emphasis on my inner beauty? Is it not ‘hot’ that I’m a kind and loving person?

I look at the women on TV and look at myself and think, ‘wow! where did I go wrong?’ *gasps* ‘I have FAT!? *Panics*OH NO! And its all in the wrong places!’... But heyy not to worry, I'll just pop to my local corner shop, purchase the latest edition of ‘Glamour’ and pick out the cheapest fad diet available (they even have diets designed for people like me who’s trying to save on the ’pounds’, aww the industry ‘caters’ for all your needs)

Or perhaps all us; big boned? A little on the heavy side? Women should migrate to somewhere in Africa, were a few extra pounds is considered a sign of wealth and good living. *sighs of relief* i can see it now, all the fufu and jellof rice i can eat.*dribbles*... Arrrr shit.... wait... I’m a size 12. Damn not quite big enough...back to the drawing board *huff*.

Shows like Gok Wan’s ‘How to look good naked’ is a classic example of this generations fixation with looking artificially beautiful, as it provides viewers with a billion ways to enhance the way you look, (artificially, of course). At first glance, the programs title suggests that it will be promoting acceptance of the human body in its natural form. But instead our ‘gorgeous’ Gok offers us an array of new age gimmicks, for instance, his trusty control pants that conveniently get rid of all your *confused face* unwanted? ‘lumps and bumps’. THANK YOOOU Gok.

And like, oh my God is it just me or does everyone in ‘The only way is Essex’ look well alike...#random thought

OK kl, I eventually give in to the pressures of the media, I invest all my hard earned money (when I say hard earned, I mean two lonnggg hours on hold to Student Finance, just to confirm my university acceptance K.M.T!) on the latest trends, makeup, hair extensions, false nails the works (thank God! for Westfields),So now I'm whipping my hair back and forth like something out of a Willow Smith video, with my new ‘21st century girl’ look expecting to be the talk of the town, the new hotspice *BIG ASS GRIN*....and instead, what do I get: ‘You are so fake’, ‘Maybe you should eat a little more’, ‘You would look so much better without all that makeup’.

HUUH! *shocked face* is my weave not human enough?, does my pink lipstick not match my neatly drawn on eyebrows?, did I choose the wrong diet? But Kim Kardashian swears by it ... and ...I ...

All that effort just to find out, I still ‘don’t fit in’ ARRRGGHH it’s like those size 10 jeans all over again #EPIC FAIL

Ladies the real question here is ‘do I think am pretty’?

We shouldn’t let the opinions of others shape the way we feel about ourselves; it’s about taking time out to look deeper within, and embracing you for who you are. Because when it comes down to it, it’s not all about what’s on the outside (hard to believe... I know).

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be the first to admit that I love my weave, but surely there’s more to us than just what you see on the surface, surely it’s not what we see on the exterior which determines true beauty.

When I’m asked, do I think am pretty? I'll answer yes, not because of my new Brazilian weave and freshly refilled nails, but because I'm ME! An intelligent, warm hearted, confident woman...how would you answer?

BJLXN-DKGTU-VA7N8

...Is happiness really just a myth?

To my dearest Happiness,

Do you think i'm pretty?