Winning Is Everything

Young, Man U player, is not actually that young

2011-06-27T16:15:28Z

Age is the big issue in football at the minute with every club hell-bent on recruiting foetuses, or so it seems. Chelsea’s manager demonstrates tactics using action figures, while Manchester United have pushed goalkeeper Edwin Van Der Sar aside, even though he is not eligible for a senior bus pass for another two years.

United have also brought in Ashley Young, but in a shocking development, we can reveal that Young is 25-years-old. Not old, but also hardly a teenager.

Many were intrigued as to how Alex Ferguson would react to this revelation. “I went mental,” said a tetchy, blotchy-faced man who may well have been the Manchester United manager.

Chelsea bring down their average age

2011-06-27T16:07:18Z

Chelsea have defied all conventional wisdom and hired a manager who isn’t really old.

Andre Villas-Boas is so young, he didn’t even know that Ice Ice Baby was based around the bassline to Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie. Questioned about this conspicuous gap in his knowledge, he said: “So what? I is a football manager. I ain’t gotta know pop music and ting, innit.”

Chelsea have attempted to make their new boss feel more at home by installing PS3s in every room at Stamford Bridge. Villas-Boas is reported to feel ‘totally psyched’ by the gesture.

He is also delighted that Frank Lampard will be able to run him home in the next few months until he’s old enough to start having driving lessons.

Man Utd bring down their average age

2011-06-27T16:00:34Z

Manchester United have been looking for a goalkeeper since I was about ten. My exact age is not important, but rest assured, I am no longer ten.

Finally, this close-season, they have managed to get hold of one. David De Gea is just 20 years old – a third of the age of outgoing shotstopper, Edwin Van Der Sar, who has been playing football since the Spanish Armada was being harried by the mighty English fleet.

Asked how he felt about a younger man taking his job, Van Der Sar said: “Eh? Who? What did you say? Speak up. Why does everyone mumble all the time these days?”

John Terry hedges his bets like the spineless coward he is

2011-06-03T16:19:12Z

Inbred adulterer with a face like a smack addict, John Terry, has said he would be happy with Mark Hughes as Chelsea manager. He then said he would also be happy with Guus Hiddink, because John Terry is a decision-avoiding numbnuts with faeces for brains.

Terry went on to say that he was sad to see Carlo Ancelotti leave.

If you gave Terry a choice between a solid gold car and a smack in the chops, he probably still wouldn’t have a preference. You’d have to make the decision for him. Unfortunately for him, I don’t have any solid gold cars at my disposal.

Capello clears the air

2011-06-03T16:12:14Z

Apparently, air clearance was required with regard to Rio Ferdinand being given the boot as England captain. What was tainting the air and what was used for the clearance of this air is unclear, but the operation was successful, according to the BBC.

Capello did say: “We shook hands,” but I fail to see how this might affect air quality. A handshake creates a tiny amount of heat energy as a result of friction, but I doubt this would be sufficient to clear away anything – certainly not something so noticeable that it warranted the handshake in the first place.

How do you buy lottery tickets?

2011-08-24T16:21:08Z

Where do you intend to buy lottery tickets? This is a decision you will have to make if you want to get involved with some of the biggest games around. You can now find many websites which are dedicated to the world’s major lotteries and take part in games like Powerball and Mega Millions at the click of a mouse button. Huge jackpots are available so you could end up winning thousands or even millions.

Knowing where to begin in terms of getting involved with these global lottery games is the hardest part. Once you have found somewhere where you can learn more about playing these games and having access to the most up-to-date results, you can now relax as the draw takes place. Get news on forthcoming games and check how big the prize fund is too.

Because you are no longer restricted as to where in the world you can play lottery games, you can buy your tickets online and take part in such games as the California Lottery, NJ Lottery and Florida Lotto, even if you do not live in the United States or the state where the draw is being held.

That is not all; you can now find out all about the latest lottery games and be in the know in terms of results. Any questions like how to play certain games can be found out on a dedicated website where you can also choose to register for messages to be sent to your smartphone. If there are any restrictions placed on a particular game, you can find this out here.

An internet connection with 3G or Wi-Fi coverage is all you need to check the lottery results from your phone or laptop. Then, you can waste no time in finding out if your numbers were the ones selected in the weekly game.

Pick your numbers using any of the methods you think will work for you and then search out the best lottery resources to be found online. Bookmark those you find helpful and increase your chances of winning.

For the latest news and reviews on Powerball visit the Alottery.com web site.

Check Your Results, You May Have won!

2011-08-24T16:19:53Z

Once you buy lottery tickets and have already gone through the process of selecting your lucky numbers, you can sit back and relax in the knowledge that you have done all you can to try and ensure your numbers are drawn out of the machine in the daily or weekly lottery game.

Seeing if your numbers have been drawn in a recent regional or national lottery can be really exciting, but these days you can even take part in international games too. Just pick your favourite numbers or opt for a lucky dip selection, letting fate decide the winner.

Lotteries have traditionally only been open to those living in the country of origin, but now geography is no longer a barrier for entry. You can decide to play any lottery game online, such as the popular Mega Millions or Powerball draws, while being able to check the results straight away; all you need is access to the internet.

Results from draws like the Florida Lotto and NJ Lottery are now at the touch of your fingertips as you can find them out from a reputable lottery website. Here you can look up past results to see if the ticket you have contains all the matching numbers.

As soon as a lottery draw has taken place and the results have been officially recorded you can find out how you did by viewing the page which displays the lottery you took part in, such as the California Lottery. All the popular lottery draws from around the world can be found on a lottery website.

Wherever in the world the lottery takes place, you can get the latest lottery results delivered to your computer screen as soon as they are available. This makes it so exciting for those who have taken the plunge and submitted their numbers online. Could you have a jackpot-winning ticket in your possession?

Looking for information, tips, advice or just to see if you have won the NJ Lottery visit the www.alottery.com web site.

The top three best Christmas gifts for a Liverpool FC fan

2012-07-17T15:43:24Z

It can be tough to buy for a friend or loved one who has no hobbies, but there is no such difficulty buying for a football fan! This year’s range of calendars, posters and experience days is vast, especially for clubs like Liverpool F.C.

So, what do you buy a hardcore L.F.C fan that they won’t already have? Here are our top three suggestions this Christmas:

1. A VIP tour of Anfield for two, plus lunch and extras. This sort of gift package offers an amazing experience for Liverpool fans, one that is far more memorable and emotional than any piece of merchandise can offer. There are loads of great deals on these kinds of packages on at the moment, some of which come with extra treats such as lunch and free gifts.

2. The Official Liverpool F.C. Calendar 2011. This essential wall calendar features the current Liverpool F.C squad, including Steven Gerrard, Jamie Carragher, Glen Johnson, Fernando Torrez and Joe Cole.

3. The Official Liverpool F.C. Annual 2011. The perfect companion to the Official Liverpool F.C. Calendar 2011 or bought on its own, no proper fan can be without the official 2011 Annual.

Sunday league players need to make sure their travel arrangements are up to scratch

2012-07-17T15:42:46Z

Many football amateurs who play on a Saturday or a Sunday will be well accustomed to travelling to away matches in a rickety old van. Travelling together can be great for team moral, but not so great if you have a crash and your players are injured.

If you run a Sunday or Saturday league side, it is your responsibility to make sure that the van you use to transport your players is adequately insured. If it is not, you may be liable to damages suffered by any of the players if they cannot perform their daily work duties or if they have to attend rehabilitation clinics because of a problem that was found to be your fault.

You might only use your old van for one day a week, but it still needs to be insured properly so that you fulfil your legal requirements and also show respect to members of the football team.

Some van insurance companies offer special discounts for vans that are used infrequently or vans that only cover an insignificant mileage every year. You can also get discounts if you only have one named driver you just need to phone your van insurance company to find out.

Trouble in Paradise

2010-03-08T13:00:48Z

Following the news that a group of wealthy fans, dubbed the ‘Red Knights’, are planning a takeover move for Manchester United, Alex Ferguson has moved to quickly quash rumours that he is himself putting some of his personal fortune behind the bid. Ferguson has left no doubt in his response to this by saying that the rumours are “absolute rubbish – there is not an ounce of truth in it”.

Reported debts in the region of £700 million is of great alarm to fans, who were used to a profitable club before the Glazer family bought the club. This has caused many of the United fans to resort to wearing the yellow and green of Newton Heath – a direct protest against the money problems at the club. Although Ferguson has previously said that he did not mind the United fans showing their displeasure, the manager will not be putting his money behind the bid.