I Should Be Folding Laundry

Hi

Beth — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 13:45:29 +0000

We have been going from sun up to sun down (and beyond) all weekend and today it continues.

And do you know happens when we overschedule and have too much fun?

I don’t blog.

I don’t clean.

and I don’t do laundry. (we also get sand in places where there should never be sand and we eat too many hot dogs on the run.)

The piles are growing and they are beginning to frighten me.

But come back tonight and I have a FUN giveaway for people who live near Chicago and then my regular blogging schedule will continue.

Measured

Beth — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 15:04:06 +0000

I have this thing called “no patience.” It’s really annoying. I try and try and sometimes I’m “fake” patient, which means I go into another room while biting my fist while no one is looking and then come back into a room with a smile on my face like “oh, were we waiting to do something?”

But deep inside, I’m screaming because waiting? CAN SUCK IT.

I have been very busy doing designs lately, which is really good except that it’s mixed in with everything I’m trying to get done which I pretty much fail at as it is. I’m figuring out that I can not do work on my couch any longer. I must sit at a desk or the table.

We have a great desk in the office, but my kids like to sit there and color and play games on the computer, which is okay with me because then THEY ARE QUIET and quiet is gooooooooooooooooood. We do not disturb the quiet.

I can sit at the kitchen table and I do, but it’s so uncomfortable. It just is, trust me.

So, yesterday morning I remembered that we have a really cool desk in our basement. I’ve been hesitant to bring it up because I wasn’t sure where I was going to put it, but yesterday I finally decided that I would have to stuff it into our living room for the sake of getting some work done efficiently.

I went downstairs and uncovered the desk, it was covered with books and crap and surrounded by chairs and suitcases and other very heavy and annoying things. I finally made it to the desk and lifted it and all I thought was “wow, this is one heavy desk.”

But I persevered. I carried the desk to the front of the stairs where I got the leg of the desk caught on the glider that Brian sits on while playing video games. I should have set the 500 pound desk down on the ground and moved the glider, instead I lifted it higher up to try to set it free from the glider’s grip (think she-ra meets somebody really, really dumb) and pulled the desk which caused the glider to fall, directly onto my ankle.

It hurt.

But I continued. I was on a mission. I MUST SET UP A PROPER WORK STATION FOR ME AND I MUST DO IT RIGHT NOW. (NOT IN SIX HOURS WHEN BRIAN IS HOME)

When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I sized up the size of the desk with the width of the stairs and decided that Yes! It will fit.

I climbed the stairs, turned the desk on it’s side and pulled it up, one step at a time, scraping the backside of the beautiful desk against the wooden stairs. (I swear, I’m not an idiot, I’m just an idiot sometimes.) After a few minutes and sweat, MY GOD THE SWEAT, I made it to the top of the stairs where I couldn’t get it through the door.

Between the door, the door frame, the stair case rail and the massive desk itself, I could not get it through. I tried endlessly, I even left the desk at the top of the stairs, praying it wouldn’t fall, to get a drill to remove a leg. I instructed the kids to not move for fear their movement would send the desk cascading down the stairs.

I made it back with the drill but there were SOMANYSCREWS. And angles and no way could I do this. Especially while on stairs.

I tried for another ten minutes but it seemed the more I tried, the more stuck I got on the stairs. And the more I tried, the more holes and scrapes I was putting into the drywall.

And then it happened. It got stuck. And I was at the bottom of the desk looking up and had to climb through the legs to get back upstairs.

Where I promptly shut the door behind me, wiped the sweat from my brow and sat back down at my kitchen table.

And pretended that this wasn’t laying, stuck, on my stairs.

Where it sits, still, 24 hours later.

Getting work done is overrated. I’m going to the park.

Oh and when Brian got home late last night, I was all like, so I was going to move the desk upstairs and he was all “oh really, where to?“ and I was all “into the living room, see? I cleared out a space.“ To which he replied “nice!“ and then I opened the door to the basement and was all “hey, look down here!”

And then he looked at the desk and looked back at me and didn’t seem surprised at all.

It will be a doozy.

Beth — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:19:39 +0000

See last item on to-do list.

You Capture. 4th of July & food.

Beth — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 02:38:52 +0000

I am not going to lie to you. I completely forgot what the challenge was for this week, but luckily, I took something like 900 photos this past week (no exaggeration) so I had plenty to choose from. The only shots I don’t have are of food which is probably because I ate tons of it rather than took pictures of it. My scale tells me I should have done it the other way around.

Oh, well. What the heck does my stupid scale know, man?

But then on Monday I went to the doctor and had to stand on their scale and then I got in a fist fight with that scale for calling me out in front of everyone. Including my husband. Tough times.

Anyway, enough of my make-believe-I-fight-with-scales life. How about some photos for you! I decided to create collages for you because I have lots of photos to choose from!

My brothers are identical twins, both Majors in the Army, they were in town this past weekend to receive an award, it was an AWESOME weekend. We don’t get to see them much.

And then kids. Well, kids are FUN on the Fourth of July!

That baby with the flag is my nephew. We are best friends.

So now it’s your turn, but first, some of you are signing Mr. Linky which is beautiful and awesome but you’re not linking back to You Capture which is NOT beautiful and awesome. So, if you are new here…just a quick run through of the directions (below) would be very much appreciated, k? I will be deleting links for those that aren’t complying this week which is annoying because deleting links is annoying.

1. You can join in on this challenge at any time! We welcome & love new participants.
2. Please make sure you are linking directly to your specific You Capture post in Mr. Linky (and not just your site, for instructions, go here) and please make sure you are linking back to this challenge in your post. If you don’t abide by this, your link will be removed. (I know, I’m so mean.)
3. Try your hardest not to reuse a picture from your archives, the goal of You Capture is to get you moving with your camera, get creative! Challenge yourself!
4. Do your best to visit the other participants’ site - everyone loves the traffic, the comments and the feedback (not just you!)
5. And finally, post as many pictures as you want on your post.

SHAPES! (to be linked up on NEXT Thursday’s post - July 16th)

Happy Capturing, Friends!

Run, girl.

Beth — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:42:40 +0000

There is so much I want to do on a daily basis. I always have big dreams of waking up and working out, showering, cleaning up the house and then getting to work. I’d love to pack up the kids and go grocery shopping or take them to the park, come home and work even more, possibly catch up on laundry. Make dinner, clean it up, read stories to my kids, weed the garden. For me, that would be a really great day.

Instead, I wake up, brush my teeth, put my contacts in, make coffee and then I write or design, sometimes I put a load of laundry in, but my ten in the morning, all I want to do is sleep. Like crawl into bed, head on my pillow SLEEP. It’s such a physical fatigue that I can’t fight it. I am so tired that some days, just moving my hand over to my computer mouse is too much. I am not exaggerating at all.

I am so tired.

On days where I’m too busy for a nap, I’ll take one in the car. I have never been one to nap, so this life of mine where I require a nap every single day? It’s not me, it’s so foreign.

Honestly, I’ve been very worried about myself lately, trying to figure out what is causing this intense fatigue. I’ve wondered if I could be pregnant even though I’ve had a period, I’ve wondered if maybe it’s depression causing my body to lose its spark.

What’s even more frustrating is that I’m mentally still so motivated to get things done, to start new projects, to clean my house, to create a fun and memorable summer for the kids but I just can’t move. Literally.

I briefly mentioned my fatigue to my cardiologist last week and they just sort of swept me to the side, which is okay, I mean, he’s the cardiologist, what could he do? I had my thyroid tested two months ago and everything showed up okay.

So, I mentioned it my OB specialist on Monday after she mentioned making sure my thyroid levels were in order and she said that it was a good thing we were checking on my thyroid, maybe that’s what the problem was.

I wasn’t counting on it but at 12:21 today, her office called and yes, my thyroid levels were down.

I can honestly say that I nearly cried after getting off of the phone. I may have even told the nurse that I was going to drive to Chicago to personally HUG THEM BOTH BECAUSE OHMYGOD THANK YOU! The only other time I was so excited to get an abnormal test result was when I was diagnosed with Hashimotos.

Then it all started to make sense - DUH! I’m dizzy, I fill my sink with my fallen hair, I’m forgetful…Yes, my thyroid IS low. Why didn’t I think that my levels would not have dropped within the past two months? Either way, I’ll pick up my prescription and love that what I’m feeling may actually be helped by a little purple pill.

So, once again, this week, I am hopeful. I am hopeful that I’ll find myself soon, my physical self that is hiding behind this ambitious mind because when these two meet? You best watch out.

He & I

Beth — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 03:45:36 +0000

Fourteen years ago today, Brian and I went on our first date.

I worked at a shoe store and he worked at a movie theatre, we had both just graduated from high school together. He came into my shoe store, bought a pair of dress shoes and asked me out to see a movie that night after I got off of work. I said yes.

He wore those dress shoes on our wedding day.

I always think about how meant to be we are based on that story.

I love that it’s ours and it’s unique and that it’s perfect for us. We have a great time together. He thinks I’m funny (because I am) and I love that. When he laughs at me it makes me happy. He is the logical guy with the biggest heart.

He makes the best waffle cones ever.

But things are rarely perfect.

He doesn’t think enough, I think TOO much. I like the house to be clean and he likes to live in a Frat house. I like to use detergent and hot water when washing dishes and he, well, you don’t want to know.

He works constantly to be the best employee ever (and he is) so he can provide for his family. I’d like for him to spend time at home not working and instead cleaning playing with the kids.

We always have differences. And it’s really okay.

When we lost James and Jake, we met with our priest to discuss their Memorial Service and he warned us that some ridiculous percentage of marriages end in divorce after the death of a child. Even though at the time the last thing I thought about was whether or not our marriage would survive, my biggest concern was how I was going to make it through the next hour without collapsing to the floor while beating my fists to the ground.

But after those initial moments, days, weeks, months, I spent most of my time in therapy talking about him. My concerns for him, my frustrations with him, how our relationship was changing.

And here we are, 15 months later. Still pretty strong and still struggling with so much but still surrounded by intense love and understanding.

Today was our “big appointment.” The scary one where we met with the specialist (who specializes in pregnancy loss.) Essentially, over the past few months, she has been studying our case, taking ridiculous amounts of blood, performing tests on my uterus, researching our genetics, our chromosomes and my family history. It was this appointment where she was going to either advise to go forth and populate or DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY WILL NOT LIVE.

We approached the appointment optimistically, for some reason. Intuition, I suppose. I personally was just happy to finally have this meeting over with - we began this process in February.

We figured we would walk out with one of two outcomes:

1. She would tell us not to have any more children and we would be completely devastated but we would move on as positively as possible.

2. She would tell us we can go ahead and try again but that would mean getting pregnant and PREGNANCY IS SO SCARY AND HEARTBREAKING AND OMG WHAT IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN.

We walked away with #2.

We are happy, scared, cautious and still waiting for a few other test results to come through before we make any decisions about future children. All we know is that there will be attempts for future children. We just don’t know when. I do have some precautions I have to take, certain medications that need to start now, others that need to start later, needless to say, we will be watched closely.

We have full faith that one day we’ll be holding our own little, tiny, precious baby in our arms, and I have no doubt that Brian and I will spend lots of time arguing over who gets to hold the baby the most. And that is perfectly okay with me.

We are hopeful.

He Ain’t Heavy

Beth — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 22:39:21 +0000

My favorite part of every Fourth of July is facing the flag, putting my hand on my heart and listening to the Star Spangled Banner. I know it sounds cliche, but I mean it, with every ounce of me.

I always cry.

I love where I live. Growing up, living in America was something that we were all very proud of, loving our country and appreciating the freedoms we have and appreciating the men who had fought to protect our freedoms, was something we just did.

But then this happened.

My brothers entered the military.

And the word pride some how started to mean something beyond what we could possibly fathom. I can remember attending their ceremonies for various programs and accomplishments at the age of fifteen and feeling a lump in my throat so big I thought I may throw up.

Their awards, their accomplishments, their efforts, their dedication teach me daily what it means to be a good American, but also, reminds me to always work hard. Just like my brothers.

The lump in my throat when I was fifteen was so large, but then, they went to war and that pride consumed me. (and the worry, OHMYGOD THE WORRY.) They SACRIFICED THEIR LIVES, fighting to survive, fighting for others to have the same freedoms we grew up with as children, freedoms we now enjoy as adults.

They are fathers, sons, brothers, friends, Army Majors. And I can’t believe how lucky I am that they are my brothers.

I can’t believe how lucky YOU ARE that they are United States Soldiers.

An article was written about Dan and Dave and the award they received yesterday. You should go read it.

Hither

Beth — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 04:19:51 +0000

My sister and her family are here, which is so much fun. Sarah and I are currently having fun on twitter with our twitter friends. We are also watching Gladiators from the 80’s where there are SO MANY MULLETS. My God. WHY 80′S? WHY? WHY THE MULLET?

Have I told you that Sarah is pregnant? It’s true. She’s due in December.

And right now she’s eating Little Debbie’s which I think it’s very, very cute. But now it’s bedtime.

but stop. Before you go.

I posted over here today.

kbye.

You Capture. Photographer’s choice.

Beth — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 04:24:27 +0000

I loves me some photographer’s choice. I am most excited about your results this week.

I have a lot of pictures to show this week, a wide variety. Some of them I am actually really, really nervous about because they are pictures I took of me. I KNOW! I stood in the mirror and made myself take pictures of me. (the horror, I am so serious.) I’m showing you not because I think I look all stunning, because, um…THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE, I’m showing you to encourage you to get in front of the camera instead of behind it every once in awhile. Your children, their children and their children will thank you. I promise.

And yes, this will be a challenge coming up. I can promise you that.

Anyway, here are my picks for this week.

Let me get the ones of me out of the way. I am seriously CRINGING that I am doing this. I may lose sleep over this decision.

WHOA. THAT IS LARGE.

And I like this one because, well, THERE IS NO BIG FACE FOR YOU TO LOOK AT. And of course it shows my favorite jewelry.

We’ve been spending a ton of time at my Mom’s house since my whole family is in town, these were taken there:

And this is my niece. She has the softest voice and the best facial expressions and her hair is so wonderfully curly. She and I are best friends.

And then I had a photo shoot this past week and here is one of my favorite shots:

That’s it from me, man!

Now it’s your turn.

BUT FIRST, CHECK THESE ‘RULES’ OUT, K?

1. You can join in on this challenge at any time! We welcome & love new participants.
2. Please make sure you are linking directly to your specific You Capture post in Mr. Linky (and not just your site, for instructions, go here) and please make sure you are linking back to this challenge in your post. If you don’t abide by this, your link will be removed. (I know, I’m so mean.)
3. Try your hardest not to reuse a picture from your archives, the goal of You Capture is to get you moving with your camera, get creative! Challenge yourself!
4. Do your best to visit the other participants’ site - everyone loves the traffic, the comments and the feedback (not just you!)
5. And finally, post as many pictures as you want on your post.

There are two choices for next week. You can do one or the other, or both. It’s up to you.

Independence Day & food.

I hope my friends in the United States have a wonderful and safe Fourth of July. Wishing you so much fun as your celebrate the freedom of our great country!

Of the heart

Beth — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 03:35:19 +0000

The appointment today went really well. It was a beautiful day in the Windy City and believe it or not, it was actually windy.

Also? I hate wind. But that’s another post for another day. Actually, it’s not, I’m sure I’ll never post about wind because I hate it and have nothing to say about it except I HATE WIND, THE END. So, that’s all my post would be and I just wrote that.

Anyway.

The appointment was slightly strange in that I met with the nurse first and then a doctor came in before the head doctor came in. The first doctor came in actually asked me all of the questions and got all of my information. (just after the nurse got all of my information and asked me all of the questions.)

As I’m sure you can imagine, or maybe you can’t, these appointments are not fun simply because I have to fill them in of our history. I was pregnant with twins. They died. We don’t know what happened. I miscarried again this past January, it’s believed that the two losses are not related, but we are working on finding the answers. We have two children that are alive. I am on 392 different medications, no I don’t smoke, and no I don’t exercise.

The first doctor: So, do you exercise?

Me: No…I don’t. and I make a face like I regret it, but really? I don’t.

Him: Why don’t you exercise?

Me: I don’t know, because it’s hard.

Him: You don’t exercise because it’s hard?

Me: Right.

Him: Well, I guess if it were easy and fun everyone would do it and we would never be in this situation.

Me: EXACTLY.

Him: hmmmm….

Then the big dog doctor comes in:

Him: so, have you always had high blood pressure?

Me: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I HAVE ANSWERED THIS QUESTION 12 TIMES IN THE PAST 18 MINUTES. Also, why am I wearing a hospital gown, exactly? Except I did not say that, instead “I started getting high blood pressure when I was pregnant with my oldest, it runs in my family. Everyone has high blood pressure, they’re all a bunch of jerks.”

Him: I see you are on prozac.

Me: Right.

Him: When did you lose the twins?

Me: Last February, 2008.

Him: And when did you most recently miscarry?

Me: January.

Him: And you’re on prozac.

Me: Yes.

Him: and you lost the twins, when?

Me: OHMYGOD, LAST FEBRUARY.

Him: Do you think you still need the prozac.

At this point I was pretty annoyed, but understood that he looked up Prozac and found the drug to not be safe during pregnancy and wanted me off of it. However, I explained that most OB/GYN’s say it’s safe and he said “hey, they know more than I do.”

At which point, he became my friend again. Good visit. I go back in two weeks, he gave us the green light to try whenever we (us and the OB specialist) decide it’s time. (by the way, I do not talk about these things, you know, about trying and all of that, this is a BIG DEAL that I’m sharing this information. I hope you are feeling my love for you, man.)

They did increase my BP meds because my blood pressure was high today.

When the first doctor handed me my prescription for the new dose of blood pressure medicine at the end of the visit, I asked him if he could write me a prescription for exercise in a pill.

He laughed and walked out the door and I’m pretty sure he said he hated me.

But that’s okay. I thought we got along famously.