Oh man. Lines are boooooring. Right? Well, you know? Maybe not so much. If I had more time, I think this would have been a really fun prompt. I don’t know about you guys, but I really wanted to stand in the middle of the road to get the lines in the road but uh, I decided not to. I don’t know, I like living, I guess.

Here are my lines:

Piece of cake, right?

Now it’s your turn to share!

PLEASE READ THESE GUIDELINES, especially, yes, especially if you have never linked up!
1. Anyone can join in on the challenge at anytime.
2. Please make sure the photos you use were taken for the challenge, meaning do not search your archives for an appropriate photo. The goal of You Capture is to get you out taking photos each week!
3. Use YOUR photos.
4. When linking up, only link to your You Capture blog post, not your main blog URL. (incorrect links will be deleted.)
5. You MUST link back to You Capture in your post. (please do this! don’t link up to promote your blog or even to promote your own photo challenge, k?!)
6. I encourage you to visit other participants and leave comments. This is a great way to meet new friends!
{more You Capture info can be found here.}

Life

Happy Capturing!

-Martin Luther Kind, Jr.

There are always big things to do in life. Things we hate, but we do them anyway. Things we love, so it’s easier to tackle. And even though we love? It doesn’t always remove trepidation, it just that something bigger than you (your heart? God? the universe?) helps you move your feet in the right direction.

And then there are things we fear, we tread softly, anxiously.

Listen to Your Mother was this past Thursday. I feared speaking in front of this audience of 350 people like nothing I’ve ever feared before. There were tears and sweat (OMGTHESWEAT) and anxiety. At some point, a few weeks and, okay, DAYS before LTYM, I would ask myself “what did you do, Beth? Why did you feel it necessary to audition?”

Friends. I panicked.

It was until the day of the show could I answer my own question “because I want to share my story.” It was a want. A need. A desire. A love. An excitement.

My nervousness turned into excitement, like a switch, I beautiful switch.

And so, Stephanie, my graceful friend and the (amazing) director, approached the stage and welcomed the crowd.

And then she introduced me. I was first.

I began to read, I felt the audience listening and I enjoyed every single moment I was on stage, sharing my story.

It went by quickly. I sat back down and I was able to relax and take in the amazing stories about mothering that continued to grace the stage. As a guest, I know, the night was amazing. As a member of the cast? It was something I will treasure for the rest of my life.

I am so glad I followed my heart. I am so happy I faced fear.

It was a magical night.

(the video will be online this summer, I promise to share with you as soon as it’s available.)

Happy Mother’s Day.

Now, Adam, he had an even better excuse, he was off getting ready for his baby girl to be born! She was born last Thursday. Meet Maya!

And speaking of birthdays – today is Adam’s birthday. He’s such a great co-host, don’t you guys think? We’re like Regis and Kelly but without the money and the, well, money. And we’re not a TV show, either. (oh and Adam’s not 75 and I’m not a size zero) BUT WHATEVER.

On with the Final Four! Adam … did you hear the news? Reba McIntyre was booted from the show last week. Wait. No. Not Reba. Skylar. I’m not going to lie to you, I’m surprised but I’m certain had we watched the show last week, I totally would have predicted it. *cough*

Adam: I heard, and I wasn’t entirely shocked. Mostly because I’m much, much too tired to be shocked. Are we really down to four finalists? I feel like that should shock me too. But, you know. Baby coma.

Philip Phillips is starting us off with Have You Ever Seen the Rain? And wow, I was totally and completely bored throughout the performance. At one point, I found myself just staring at my boring beige wall and when I realized Philip was still on stage I was annoyed that he interrupted me from staring at the boring wall. But shockingly enough, Steven the Bride, J-Lo the 13-year-old skater and Randy the Easter Egg liked it!

Adam: I think Randy’s lapel pin said it best: Yo. I mean, Phil? Yo, Phil. Yo. I just have to thank you for that performance. Because I’m looking to put Maya to sleep using any means possible. Thank God for you and my DVR.

Adam: Hollie stayed with the Help Maya Sleep Through the Night theme. This is my favorite show ever! In all seriousness, last week was great for Hollie. But that was boring and bad and awful and not good. Old Lady Hollie just made me age three years. I totally did not expect to turn 40 today.

Hollie was pitchy in so much of the song that it nearly distracted me from the windstorm and the cloud cover. Wait. Is she really still in the show or is this like an April Fool’s Joke?

Joshua is singing Josh Groban’s You Raise Me Up. This is an interesting test for me because well, I despise Josh Groban but I like Josh Ledet, so we’ll see how this works out. Okay, so I didn’t hate it but I certainly did not love it. It fell short for me. A bit flat. Tonight is boring so far which is bad for me and my eyelids but good for Maya, so that’s good.

Adam: Joshua should probably not sing Josh Groban songs. It just didn’t work. It was like gravy on cantaloupe. The song was just not written to be that saucy. I’m sorry that I witnessed that. 

Adam: Jessica sang Etta James, and while I assumed the same tragedy would befall her performance that plagued Joshua’s (pure, simple melody slogged up by overdone runs and needless embellishments) I liked the growl. Jessica had the growl going. The growl worked. For me. I don’t know that the song was all that great to listen to, but Jessica had a few moments in that song. Growly wow moments. We could all benefit from a few growly wow moments in our lives.

I actually enjoyed Jessica’s performance tonight. She had a ton of soul and the fact that she’s 16, Adam? holy. crap. I finally enjoyed a song tonight.

Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. whoa, Philip is singing Volcano by Damien Rice, THIS is amazing. I love this song. And Philip did NOT disappoint. By far my favorite performance this season. So calm and sexy. Goodness. I FREAKING LOVED IT. Yo! Philip is IN IT TO WIN IT. (I said that while pointing with a Yo! pin on my lapel, by the way.)

Adam: Yeah, that was good. There’s still a tone (or a monotone) to Phil that bores me, but that was much better than any of his performances I can remember. His style was much more suited to that song because it already had the dark beautiful quality Phillip seems to be searching for in all his performances. I dug it.

Adam: Before I get to Hollie’s performance, I just want to complain that my thumb is sore from pressing the “skip” button so many times on this show. Why isn’t this a half-hour episode? Holy fluff! Okay. On to Hollie. Um . . . that was very . . . dentist officey. Also, J-Lo’s earrings are too small tonight. Okay, so . . . Hollie’s in the final four. Someone needs to explain that to me.

Oh, Hollie. So. Boring. Like Broomstick in the eye boring. Please go home. (also boring: 3 non-essential Idol performances)

Joshua is singing James Brown. Loved it. Now, I’m not sure where he or this performance would fit into music today but that performance was AWESOME. I enjoyed every second of it.

Adam: Joshua’s voice has this rich, textured, aged quality to it. Man sounds like he’s gotta be at least 50. But when he smiles, he looks like a 16-year-old kid. I think that’s what makes it difficult to place him into music today, but I think, I think, that’s the type of performance that could create its own niche. That could set a trend. That could spawn disciples. Joshua let his soul out in that song, and that wins. Soul wins.

Adam: Jessica sang “I’m telling you I’m not going, etc., etc.” Beth, did you ever watch Star Search? You know how they’d have cute little dimpled first graders stand up and sing big people songs, and it was so precious and cute and adorable? Well, Jessica’s too old for Star Search, but too young to pull that song off. I mean, she sang it great. Great. But I didn’t believe it for a second. And it wasn’t cute, either. Meh.

Jessica, wow. I’m a bit speechless right now. I totally enjoyed it. Now, I did think “how in the world could this little 16 year old sing this song with such power and emotion and seriously ONLY BE 16?” I don’t know. But she did it.

Who is going home?

Beth: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HOLLIE.

Adam: Hollie

What do you guys think?

Beyond Snapshots is a super cute book for anyone wanting to take better photos. It contains great images with simple tips on how to shoot in manual, I highly recommend the book, even to those who can shoot in manual, simply because the images themselves will inspire you.

This Thursday, Clickin’ Moms will be teaming up with Jill Krause, the CM Ambassadors and the authors of Beyond Snapshots on Twitter for a twitter party to celebrate the release of the book.

(I won’t be at the party because of Listen to Your Mother, otherwise, I’d be there!)

(any level photographer is encouraged to attend, you do not need a fancy camera, just the passion to learn!)

(okay, enough parenthesis.)

Join the party to learn how to improve your photography and to win AMAZING prizes. You can visit Jill’s blog to RSVP for the twitter and learn who exactly to follow and to see a complete listing of the prizes that are being given away. (you must RSVP at Jill’s blog in order to enter to win prizes. Super easy to do!)

So, go, HAVE FUN!

So, this week’s theme of simplicity? Really did not exist in our lives at all. So, I had to seek it. (and it was tricky to find.)

There’s my simplicity!

Now, it’s your turn to share!

PLEASE READ THESE GUIDELINES, especially, yes, especially if you have never linked up!
1. Anyone can join in on the challenge at anytime.
2. Please make sure the photos you use were taken for the challenge, meaning do not search your archives for an appropriate photo. The goal of You Capture is to get you out taking photos each week!
3. Use YOUR photos.
4. When linking up, only link to your You Capture blog post, not your main blog URL. (incorrect links will be deleted.)
5. You MUST link back to You Capture in your post. (please do this! don’t link up to promote your blog or even to promote your own photo challenge, k?!)
6. I encourage you to visit other participants and leave comments. This is a great way to meet new friends!
{more You Capture info can be found here.}

Lines

Happy Capturing!

You Capture WILL be up this evening, once the kids get to bed. Today has been so busy (which included a very, very, very long orthodontist appointment. FOR ME. GAH.) So, please forgive me. I’ll be back tonight, friends.

Here’s a photo of Trey and Eli to hold you guys over! They’re growing up so quickly!

While it was here, it was so nice to get outside and play with sidewalk chalk and go for walks, it felt so good to open windows and feel that outdoor breeze that we had missed for so many months.

The warmth sparked an interest in the plants that had laid dormant, they began to grow towards the sun. We had splashes of green long before we normally do, the yellow forsythia appeared and the scent of the lilacs lingered in the air.

but it was just too soon.

That warmth went away and soon the colder, more abrasive weather appeared and our blooms that were just appearing … went away.

Typically, on Mother’s Day, is when the lilacs are in full bloom here in Chicagoland. But not this year. In fact, when I went out to take photos yesterday, in search of spring, it was difficult. How frustrating.

but I found

a memory

and a fighter

and a new beginning

It was such a reminder to me that you can plan, you can be in the habit, you can wake up in the morning and expect, but that someday … it could all change. And even though it’s not what you knew … it’s crazy beautiful. And most importantly, you’ll be more than okay.

Now, it’s your turn to share!

PLEASE READ THESE GUIDELINES, especially, yes, especially if you have never linked up!
1. Anyone can join in on the challenge at anytime.
2. Please make sure the photos you use were taken for the challenge, meaning do not search your archives for an appropriate photo. The goal of You Capture is to get you out taking photos each week!
3. Use YOUR photos.
4. When linking up, only link to your You Capture blog post, not your main blog URL. (incorrect links will be deleted.)
5. You MUST link back to You Capture in your post. (please do this! don’t link up to promote your blog or even to promote your own photo challenge, k?!)
6. I encourage you to visit other participants and leave comments. This is a great way to meet new friends!
{more You Capture info can be found here.}

Simplicity

Happy Capturing!

Brian and Noah left for a camping trip yesterday morning, Anna’s been gone at her Grandma’s since then, too. It’s just been Eli, Clara and I since then. I’ve had very little adult conversation.

It’s been nice.

I wanted to pop in for a few things:

I added new signs that benefit Team James and Jake to June Afternoons the other day. Only three remain! $30 from each sign goes directly to the March of Dimes.

Also, do you love my new blog design? Oh my goodness, I love it so much. Nicole over at The Pixel Boutique, once again, was a dream to work with. She amazes. This design is so simple, which is exactly what I’m needing these days.

Also, You Capture tomorrow is SPRING. Get your camera out and join us, k? Newcomers are always, always welcome!

When I first saw J-Lo, I thought C-3PO but I am definitely getting the Oscar vibe, good call. I am totally ready for this new world. I’m excited about it, I’m not going to lie, I was shocked. But it’s about time. I’m also excited that tonight we are celebrating Queen, I love Queen. Brian and I went through a phase where Queen was all we listened to. It was awesome.

Adam: Okay, there are two different worlds going on here. Idol is going completely over the top with the stage production, and Jessica somehow managed to start off in black and white. Then there were three floating Jessica heads in the background. And then she pretty much rocked Bohemian Rhapsody. I agreed with Randy, she sounded really great. I didn’t once try to pull my ears off.

Um, I liked it but most definitely didn’t love it. I thought she did much better once she “rocked out” but yeah. MEH. The black and white screen really annoyed me.

Adam, before we go any further, I need to point out that Ryan’s hair is really tall today. That’s all.

Skylar is up and OHMYGOD THE STAGE IS ON FIRE!! Call 911! Save the violins! Oh, wait. Nope, whew. That was close. Back to Skylar, I liked the performance a lot, I thought the very last note was a scream and off key. But the rest of it was really enjoyable. Well, except for the stage fire, that was just scary.

Adam: The fire was too much. So was Skylar, but in a good way. She’s really growing on me (despite the parting screech . . . totally agree that was off).

Adam: Joshua’s stage had no fire, just a crazy little thing called lasers. Joshua is really good. Really. Good. He sounded great. He looked great. He carried himself like a pro. But . . . I haven’t the slightest desire to listen to that song again. Can’t put my finger on what’s missing. But it’s definitely missing.

I loved that this was entirely different from his usual performances. I love that he sang into a CB (a special shout-out to his truck driver friends, I’m assuming), I thought the band was really good, I just loved seeing this side of him. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Elise Testone sang “I Want It All.” Gosh, Adam. I don’t know, she sounded great, even flawless, but I just can’t figure out where she fits with music today. Does that make sense? Like, are we looking for a female Def Leppard in 2012? I don’t think so but I’m an old lady, what do I know? Anyway, she did really well, I enjoyed the performance.

Adam: I liked Elise so much, but I think the best way to find out where an artist fits into today’s music scene is to see how she answers the question, “Should I sing with a tambourine in my hand?” Elise’s answer tells me her niche will be elusive.

Adam: Phillip Phillips sang Fat-Bottomed Girls. I didn’t see this coming, I really didn’t, but somehow this song fit Phillip perfectly. I can’t explain it, it’s just like the universe brought Phillip and this song together for this moment, and it was oddly beautiful. My favorite PPP (Phillip Phillips Performance) to date.

Okay, in the beginning, he looked like he was in the crowd and someone suddenly pulled him up on stage and said “hey kid, start singing.” He was awkward? And the entire performance was flat and boring. Interesting that it was your favorite PPP.

And you know what? Every time I hear Steven Tyler speak, I think, you know, I don’t think he smokes enough.

Hollie is singing Save Me and once again, she shows up on stage and turns 65. Who is her stylist, Kathie Lee Gifford? Seriously, rewind, squint your eyes and it’s crazy Kathie singing up on stage. Anyway, this is such a good song and when I picture Freddie Mercury singing this and putting his heart and soul into this song, gah, it gives me chills but when Hollie sings it, it just feels so … sterile. I just think she’s missing soul. Boring.

Adam: Totally disagree. Hollie seemed no younger than 90. 

Adam: Jessica is singing Dance with my Father, in honor of her father, who is soon to be deployed in Singapore after tours in Afghanistan and Iraq. So I really, really wanted to love the performance. But it’s the type of song that doesn’t need a lot of runs. And Jessica sang 1200 of them.

I actually enjoyed it. I loved her dress. (love yellow) The performance was sweet and she seemed to really feel it. Which is unlike every other performance of hers that I’ve seen.

Skylar is back up with the country and the guitar and the boots and the tuuuhhhwang. I think she’s a great performer and I think she’ll do great in country music.

Adam: I’ve already forgotten what song she sang. Hmm . . . you know who I miss? Casey James. He was so dreamy.

Adam: Hold up. Joshua is singing with a calm, reserved, controlled passion. What’s this? Gasp! That’s what was missing. This song. I’m Ready for Love? Yeah, that. That was what I’ve been waiting to hear from him.

I. LOVE. JOSHUA. TONIGHT. I do. It’s like he grabbed my shoulders and said listen to me sing without doing that. GAH. Yes, Joshua, you are on it.

Elise is back on stage and this time I am just confused. Was this a poetry reading? The blues? Hard rock? Smooth jazz? A scarf twirling concert? I … did not like it, at all.

Adam: I think Randy was right: Elise was trying to outsing the guitar in a guitar song.

Adam: I’m just going to say this about Points of Phillipsis: he needs to let his voice be bright sometimes. Not every note can be dark, not even when he’s singing a Dave Matthews song. Resolve that melody, dude. If you’re gonna pick your nose through the entire song, you gotta pull out a booger at some point.

Okay, Adam, that was really gross. But, yeah, Phillip, I’m not really sure what to think. It was definitely different, the dancing people next to him? I am just confused. Plain and simple. But mostly I’m glad there were no boogers.

Hollie Cavanaugh is wrapping up the night (thank goodness) with a good ol’ Miley Cyrus song. So, Hollie went from Kathie Lee Gifford to a waitress at a strip club. (I know what you’re thinking: Beth, you wear a cardigan every day, STOP WITH THE FASHION TALK.)  A standing ovation? Really? That’s it. I want Simon back. This show is seriously lacking in meanness and I miss it, dammit. Oh and the song? MEH.

Adam: True story: as Hollie sang, I was thinking about what to say and . . . I fell asleep. I woke up and the judges were standing. I’m so confused.

Who’s going home?

Beth: Hollie

Adam: Hollie

You guys, we LOOOOVED all of your feedback last week! It was so nice to hear your thoughts and feedback! Keep it coming!

After last year’s walk, or maybe even on the drive to the actual walk, I told Brian what I was thinking “just one more year.” I told him that I’d see how I felt during the year and make my decision once the fundraising push for 2012 began.

2012 rolled around and I knew my decision. It was simple.

This was it.

Things are so busy right now. Four kids, a full-time (totally dreamy) business, a husband who works in a different city entirely and who goes to grad school. It’s obvious that time is an issue. Time should be an issue.

What’s not obvious is how hard it is to handle people forgetting.

I get it. It happens. I’ve forgotten about others, I mean, I remember, on many occasions, the raw heartbreak that I once read about, I remember clutching my chest and tears streaming down my face as I read about someone’s loss, someone other than mine.

And then

it happened

to me.

And there’s no way to properly describe what it feels like. Aside from the pain, the heartbreak, the learning how to take each day and RE-learn how to live having lost something you so desperately loved, there’s another aspect you probably don’t think about.

It’s how others feel.

There’s always an initial outpouring and it’s necessary and beautiful and the best thing for a grieving person, no matter how much they try to deny people (*raises hand*)

And then there’s the people, the people who feel completely vested in you. Whether it’s your mother or your sister or a blog reader, whether they’ve met or not, they are there, holding your hand, whether it’s in person or virtual. It’s there and it’s felt and it’s … again … necessary. (and so, so beautiful.)

And life … moves on … and things being to

trickle.

And that’s how it is. That’s how it’s supposed to be, that’s what helps us become stronger and move on.

I like it that way. I like that my deepest moments of despair are reserved for just me or are intimately shared with someone close to me. It doesn’t have to be tears, it can be a look, a simple nod, but it’s there. And it helps.

After losing James and Jake, I shared something with my sister, I said “I can’t bear the thought of them being forgotten.”

And I couldn’t and I still can’t. But I’m trying to reframe that thought. We, as a family, will never, ever forget. But others, they’ve moved on, they’ve shared their piece of their heart with me and it was so beautiful and some of you still do. Some of you donate or walk or share with me when you saw two birds and it made you think of our sweet babies. And some of you, have picked up your loving hearts and shared them with others who needed it. And I … love that.

And so maybe that’s where I’m at. Maybe I know you haven’t forgotten, I mean, maybe I feel at peace with this decision of this being the final year of Team James and Jake because I BELIEVE that you, as a loving human being have given me all that you could give ME and you’re ready to give to someone else who needs you as much as I did.

And Oh my God, that is completely okay with me.

***

And so, if you feel it, donate. If you can and want to, walk with me. But if not? That’s okay with me. Knowing your heart is doing something good for anyone is the best tribute I could possibly ask for when it comes to James and Jake.