Is It Monday Already?

Update on the Mortgage front

2012-05-22T21:37:00.002-07:00

Well we received the notice of trustee transfer as well as the trustee sale notice via certified mail on Monday! So if the sale is not postponed, as can happen, the house will be on the auction block 8/20/12. One day after my sixth wedding anniversary. I knew it was coming any day now as we had received two letters from the agency that the mortgage holder has retained to move forward with the foreclosure one week apart about three weeks ago. Another sign was that Citibank sent me an email on Friday that they did an account review and because of a delinquent debt to another creditor, they slashed my credit limit to like 37.00 over my balance. Nice huh? Never mind that I have been a customer for 10-years and never made a late payment, nor even used anymore than 2% at most of my available credit! So I expect Home Depot and Sears to follow suite since they are also under the Citi umbrella. Sears will bum me out, not because I use them, but because they are my oldest account. So I hurried to make a large payment to Citi that day so that interest didn't put me over the credit limit. I am sure they will close the account once paid. To add insult to injury this Monday I got yet another email from Citibank that my card was compromised (yet again this is the third time in oh 1.5 years) but I have always gotten calls. So I had the lady on the other line thinking though as four charges went through but I didn't see them as they hadn't posted when I was making my payment. Anyway I said gee I don't know how or when they were done considering I don't have enough credit left to make those purchases as you haven't posted my payment from Friday yet and I have less than 40.00 to my credit limit! Ha you think they would have shut it down sooner as they were all charges for Xbox live subscriptions! So the account was canceled and new cards with a new account number are to be issue and sent (if they do sent them) So strange thing is that Seterus has been reporting the account as delinquent for months now and I use a free service through Credit Karma that gives you a basic phako score as well as information about your accounts, but lacks detailed info on those accounts. So Anyway I checked them right after this all happened and I got a congrats badge that the account I had past due (the mortgage as that is the only thing I have ever been late on) was no longer delinquent and all my accounts are showing paid as agreed??? Strange! I will not get a credit report until this is all said and done as I will have to pay because I used my free annual report right before stopping payments so that I had records for future landlords to show that it was pristine before his and that this is the only negative. So I am curious to see what happens there. As of this week I have taken a 65 point hit to date (roughly again, since Credit Karma isn't an actual FICO score.) I just hope that one of my major cards leaves me with a decent limit to work with to build back my credit scores and to have for things like airline tickets and hotel reservations as I only have a small daily limit on my debit card and I refuse to up it in case it were to get compromised so I don't get wiped out!

We are determined to enjoy our family beach vacation at the end of next month and then come home to pack and look for a new place to live. This has me concerned. Not so much finding a place, because I am sure it will be a bit of a challenge with four animals and our credit, but more so finding a place that isn't secretly in pre-foreclosure. There are so many (in my opinion) unscrupulous people who knowingly rent their homes out to unsuspecting people and move themselves all while defaulting on their mortgage and taking rent and deposits that will those renters will never see back! I could never and would never do that! It is so unfair to make someone have to move out of a place they are settled in before their lease is up because you defaulted on your mortgage. So there will be some heavy research on properties by me before I even bother to look at them I do not want to be looking to find another home in a rush. I want to get settled in for a while and get on with my life. I do not plan on moving until the end of July or first week of August though as I am still legally responsible for this house until it sells. I cant help if they push the sale back I will just have to deal with that ,but I don't want to have to check this house forever after moving! So there is my update. If anyone has been through this or has advice or questions please feel free to comment respectfully!

Just got back from Vegas

2012-04-26T19:25:00.000-07:00

We were so luck to be able to return to Vegas this past Friday over Monday. We actually had just visited in October so it was crazy to be able to go back so soon. We try to make it a point to go away once per year without the kids (as long as my mom is willing to watch the kids) as we rarely get time alone. Vegas is the place we enjoy going because we can act a total fool and its all good. This was the first time since out honeymoon that we were able to go on a weekend which was so nice; even more so as my brother, sister-in-law, and some friends went at the same time. So nice to hang out with other adults every now and again. Came home to the rush as usual, but I did get some photos in, which is good because I am using some for my final photography class. I wanted to share them with you. Now the only thing to count down is or family beach Vacation in Carlsbad, California at the end of June.

Been a while since I have written

2012-03-05T08:30:00.000-08:00

Yes I am still around just busy as always. I have to say though that I am truly enjoying myself this semester in school. I cant believe how nice it has been to be in a class that I want to take rather than one that I have to, so much in fact that I may not even continue on for a degree hahah that is unless I can figure out how to take my passion and make it conform to a degree.Perhaps I can if I go more into digital arts or something of that sort. Anyway it has been so nice tapping into my creativity rather than just my intelligence. I do know that I still have to get one writing class out of the way so I may just do that this fall to get it done and out of the way, but as far as others I will hold off for sure until I figure out my path. I finished up with my math requirements last semester hallelujah on that!!! So I don't have to worry about that mental drain. More photography and digital editing classes will be taken for sure. I am just in love with taking photos. I have always had a passion for this since my first old school film photography class in high school. I knew that eventually I would want to get out of auto settings again so when I purchased my camera about two years ago I bought one that had full manual settings available. We will be getting into printing our next few assignments and I am looking forward to that, but it sure will be different from back in the day with a dark room and chemicals lol. I want to share a couple of photos from my last assignments I don't think my photshop tweaks will be seen because I do not want to flatten the layers at this point. The first two are from my most recent assignment and the last two are from my first.

Wow what's worse being rich and losing it all or never having a lot in the first place but holding onto it?

2012-01-30T05:23:00.000-08:00

Yeah so I was over at the board that I found for foreclosure support and I got kinda pissed, no not kinda pissed I guess really pissed at a post. Now I responded well as I can be very diplomatic in my replies to people even if I am mad and even when I think they are spewing nothing but crap. I actually pride myself in this ability as I know some people just do not have that kind of personality. I am passionate but always respectful.

Anyway the post started was by a rental investor and the first sentence was "We used to be rich, really rich but now we are losing it all". Mmm k that sets the tone nicely. Basically this poster and a subsequent poster are rental property owners, who through the bubble burst, have lost their life savings or are close to it. OK that sucks I get it, but they are just coming at the people who are strategically defaulting like they are the anti-Christ. Stating things like "I hate to say this but if I had to do it all over, knowing these people with no money down to few thousand dollars down invested to bring down the market, I would not have cashed out everything to make these payments". Well let me tell you these statements as well as others made my hackles go up. As I said I was diplomatic in my reply, however what they fail to realize is that in my state for example it's those investors that drove up prices so high that people like me had to pay astronomical amounts for homes; and that THEY artificially drove prices up and caused builders to continually build on all available land to keep up with demand. It was crazy when we bought. I can't tell you how many homes we were interested in only to find out while trying to make offers that cash investor swooped in with wads of cash and bought them before we could even negotiate!

I replied that while we may not have put mass amounts of money down, we have put so much money into necessary updates into this home that we will never be able to recoup nor take with us, so while little or no money down might piss them off it does not mean we or others are not out money that was hard earned as well; not to mention the payments we made for the entire five years we have been here. To me the only difference is we are making a choice to leave before it sucks us dry and they chose the opposite. We all make choices and they all have their own repercussions.This is a business decision we are choosing to leave they chose to stay. It is not my fault that the laws are stricter for investment properties, or that they may live in a recourse state. Whether homes were bought for personal use or as rental properties they were still bought with the thought that they would be assets, I mean that is what we have always been told in the country; that home ownership is an investment in your future. So regardless of what the property was bought for we are all losing investments!

Anyway I ended my replies with "I wish you both the best and I am sorry for you as well as all of us going through loss of a home regardless of whether it is by choice or not". I truly feel this way. To me it does not matter what the situation is surrounding the loss of your home it is still traumatic and sucks whether you lose a ton of money or not, there is more to lose than just money when losing a home. While I am sorry that they as well as others lost a substantial amount of money that it is really irrelevant. Money no matter the amount is always hard earned and just because you started with more and lost more makes you no better than me. I think for one we need to stop blaming the other side, put the blame where it belongs on big banks and the government. I was just rubbed the wrong way. TO ME it felt as though I/we should have more sympathy for those who chose to invest large sums of money into investment properties and now they lost it. Lets stop playing the blame game. You had a ton of money and lost it, I was cautious with my cash, but I am still losing. In the end I feel sorry for all of use, but we all have to live with our choices.

Starving student well not litterally but who doesn't appreciate a discount

2012-01-29T06:51:00.000-08:00

So this new year will all that is going on I have been on more of a quest to save money thank usual. I mean I have always been frugal, but now with an impending move I have been trying to save every penny possible! It dawned on me a while back " I have a student I.D. and a .edu email address" I wonder if there are any good student discounts I cant get in on? Well I am still on the hunt ,but two great ones I came across were both from Amazon.com.

A few months ago I was able to get a free years worth of their Prime service just because I have a .edu email address as a student. If you are not familiar with Prime basically you get FREE two day shipping on any order that is sold or fulfilled by Amazon! Usually without Prime you can get free super saver shipping, BUT you have to order over $25.00 in order to qualify and its not as fast. Now I get what I need super quick and I do not need a minimum. In reality the shipping is always overnight for me as I have a warehouse in my state so I get things in less than 24 hours! It looks likes the offer has changed to six months of membership at a discount, but if you use Amazon as much as I do I would take that too!

Next is a deal I just got on Friday. As you know, I am taking a digital photography class this semester and possibly even another next semester, and we are working with Adobe Photoshop Cs5 at my school. Now I had been using paint shop pro X2, but I have always wanted PS but didn't have an extra oh $1000.00 sitting around for it. So I thought I would look around to see if there were student discounts. Sure enough there are. Now here is the kicker. Adobe offers it online for $299.00 for students. I thought OK If I save for a while I can get it. For the hell of it I looked at Amazon which I always do for price comparison and I was shocked and stoked to find the same Adobe Photoshop Extended CS5 Student and Teacher Edition for $149.99!!!
Now I know that Amazon rocks, its my favorite online retailer, but I didn't think they would beat the products own website order by that much money!!So yeah I ordered it!! I cant wait until we start to use it next week in class as its partnered with a digital darkroom class. Woo hoo great software great student discounts!

I know that Microsoft offers discounts as well because two semesters ago I ordered office 2010 as my computer (as with most) only came with a trial. While I had a decent free program I used for a while my school used word and it was hard for me to save my files in a format that was easily opened by my teachers so I had to get it.

I have heard that Apple give a $100.00 discount but I cant confirm this myself. I will be on the hunt for more deals that help us students and will update this post as I find them. If you know of any please share so we can help each other save!

I am on day 8

2012-01-22T06:37:00.000-08:00

Of not smoking! As you know if you have read my blog for some time that I had quit for about 18-mos and stupidly picked it back up again in a moment of severe stress. I had been smoking again for about a year a knew I had to quit again, but the medication I used before had new cardiovascular warnings and with a heart condition I knew it would not be wise to even suggest to my Dr. that I take it again. I had an electronic cigarette that I had bought when I was not smoking that I planned on using to keep the urge at bay with non-nicotine cartridges, but even the cartridges that contained nicotine and this brand did not do it for me. So in about August I bought another kit and messed around with it and different juices until I found a combination of hardware and juice that I could deal with for more than a couple drags. So I am now on day eight without a real cigarette! I cant tell you how proud I am of myself especially doing this in the midst of what has got to be the most stressful time I have ever experienced! I have a long term goal to get of this too completely, but one day at a time. It is certainly better than the alternative!

Not much going on here in the way of the walk

2012-01-22T06:30:00.000-08:00

Not too much to report. I got my first call from the mortgage company way earlier than I was expecting though. The payment was not even considered late until the 15th of the month so imagine my surprise to receive a call on the evening of January 5th! It was quick, yet it seemed to go on forever. I was asked if I had forgotten to make my payment and my reply was no I hadn't forgotten, but had hired an attorney in this matter. There was a long pause at which time I offered the caller the contact information and stated all communication needed to go through the attorney. The caller took the information and that was that. I am rather surprised at how calm I was being that I was not expecting them to call before the payment was even late! I still wonder why they did call so early on. My husband thinks I set off some radar as we always paid earlier than the due date, but hey they also started charging $5.00 to make a payment online about two months ago, so they need to expect that there will be more people who chose to drop a check in the mail now and we cannot control the speed of delivery. I mean really online payments and the fees that are charged are the cost of business, so pass that on to customers and expect a backlash.

Anyway we are coming up on month two without a payment. I feel so weird living here without paying but I look at it as trying to recover some of the cost of things we did to our home out of pocket that we cannot take with us. New A/C unit (this house never had one so it was the cost to actually wire it and the unit) new heat pump, all new electrical and new line drop after a botched roof job send a piece of our aluminum porch into the power drop (that we paid for all of pocket again because our insurance claimed we didn't have a code addendum (something that was never offered by nor even know they had by our policy selling agent) new gas line for a dryer as the previous owners never owned a dryer. All new lighting fixtures every one in this home replaced, landscaping......etc all things that we cannot take with us that have benefited this house and the next owner. I figure the cost is about $25,000 or more out of pocket so if I can get get even 6 months of payments which will not even cover a bit of what we paid then so be it. I already lost my butt on this house badly, I need to get something back after losing it all and taking the massive credit hit that is to come.

I still continue to take it one day at a time and expect a letter of default soon. I just keep trucking along and try to keep my emotions in check, as that is what the banks want us to do to fold in on ourselves. I refuse. I will continue to look at this as a business choice until the day comes where it is all said and done and then I will allow myself to grieve for the loss of my house and the dreams I had for us/it. Ill say it again as kind of an affirmation to myself that we will survive, and we are definitely not the only ones who have made this choice or who will make this choice. I will not gauge my worth by useless numbers, nor will I allow myself to feel guilty. Sure I bought this house but I did not cause the mess this country is in. All I can do is make the choices that I need to be able to get back on my feet and live, not just survive.

Happy New Year lets all make 2012 a great one

2012-01-01T14:19:00.000-08:00

This coming year will be one of many changes. Some good some bad as with all years, but I vow to make the most of all the blessings I am given, and to learn the most from all my mistakes. I will not let anyone define my worth with useless numbers nor with my material possessions or lack there of. I vow to make this a great year and to live the best I possibly can and to be grateful for all I have and don't have.

The next couple of week will be filled with stress as the date of our first missed house payment becomes a reality. I know that in the long run this is the best possible choice I can make for my family. I long to move and know that would not be a reality if we are stuck here with a home that yet again has dropped more in value, now to the tune of 85,000 under water. I can't wait to get to where ever we end up and to be able to start to rebuild my life and put this nightmare behind me. I am scared, very scared to miss this payment though I will not lie I just have never not paid a bill. I know this is going to be extremely stressful, but I also know that watching the homes in my neighborhood go into foreclosure and thus further drop my value further and further would be far more stressful to endure. I really could care less if I rent forever. Home ownership has not been the American Dream that it is touted to be. This has been a nightmare and I cannot wait to awake from it.

I wish all my readers a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year. Remember we always have a choice in life and even doing nothing is a choice. We only have one life to live so make it the best you can no matter what!

Festive Christmas cake ball bon-bons

2011-12-11T08:09:00.000-08:00

I love making homemade treats to share around Christmas! With all the rage on Cake Pops I thought I would give them this year with a twist. You see, I love the ease of cake pops and the fact that one box of cake mix and a tub of frosting go along way, but I didn't really want to do them with actual lollipop sticks for gift giving because then I would have to buy huge tubs to put them in. So I thought why not make them the same way but instead of using the sticks freeze them with toothpicks for easier coating then take the toothpick out and cover the little hole with a little more chocolate bark and add a special touch!

Now if you have never made cake pops let me tell you how easy they are in steps.

1. Bake any boxed cake mix that you love.

2. Let the cake cool from the oven completely and demolish it into cake crumbs. You can do this by hand which is how I do it, or you can easily throw it in the food processor.

3. Mix in frosting (any brand or flavor will do) until you get all of it moistened, I find that takes about 3/4 of a tub of frosting.

4. Put the mix into the fridge until it is chilled/firm enough to work with.

5. Roll into balls. You can make them as big or as small as you like. You may have to return the mix to the fridge if it gets too sticky and warm to work with. I also flour my hands a bit to aid in the rolling.

6. Lay the balls on a cookie sheet lined with wax paper.

7. Put the tray into the freezer until balls are firm enough to dunk into melted chocolate, I chose to leave them in the freezer overnight to be solid enough to dunk them all without having to return them to the freezer, also so that I do not have to worry about the toothpicks coming out mid dunk.

8. Dunk into your favorite flavor/color of chocolate bark.

Once the balls have set (literally seconds because of their chilled temp) you can remove the tooth pick and cover the missing area on top with a bit more bark and add whatever decoration you chose. For this year I found the most festive holly berries and leave sprinkles at the dollar store, so couple that with the white chocolate bark I used and they turned out so cool. This is an inexpensive way to give those on your list for goodies an inexpensive yet totally posh looking treat.

A new chapter in my life is soon to begin

2011-12-06T08:05:00.000-08:00

I cant tell you how excited I am that this semester at school is almost over or of the fact that this is my last math class(knock on wood). This math thing has taken over my life for an entire year, and with all that I have dealt with in regular life it has been very hard this semester to get it all to stick in my brain. I literally have three classes left woot woot. I have to take my last quiz tomorrow, then last regular test on Friday and my final next Wednesday. I can taste the end it is that close. I am so looking forward to next semester as well because I made the choice to take only one class that is going to teach me more about a passion of mine rather than a class that I am told I have to take. I will be taking a digital photography class! I love photography and enjoyed it so much in High School so I am looking forward to learning how to use my digital camera! I specifically got a nice Sony A230 last year so that I could have more flexibility with my photos, however I totally forgot all I knew about apertures and the like to really take advantage of all my cameras features. I love that I can use it in a ton of auto modes don't get me wrong but I want to learn (again) how to be in control of my shots. I have already added a nice yet inexpensive telephoto zoom lens and I am excited to try it out. I also know for a fact that I will be getting a set of filters and a fish eye lens for Christmas. Wee I feel like a little kid again so excited to play with my new toys! I am also excited to have the luxury of taking a semester all to myself. I wish I could say what I want to be when I grow up, but frankly I change my mind like the wind changes direction. I am determined not to be part of a problem, and seeing it first hand have totally sworn of Social Services now. There are actually a ton of options available to me even though I refuse to take anymore math, so I have time to think. This next semester is about me getting excited for school again and not dreading it. I cant want to be able to share all my shots here when they happen.

Well the tough choice has been made. We will be walking away from our home

2011-12-03T19:40:00.000-08:00

If you haven't noticed by many of my posts we are like many who bought homes right before the bubble burst. We literally closed on our home months before all hell broke loose and the housing market just imploded. I have been struggling for well over a year and a half with what it is that should be done. One day I said I would stay that it was my choice to buy so if I lost my ass it was my own fault. Well that is still true it is my own fault, however I do not have to stay and keep watching the negative equity in my home grow by the hour as more homes in my state, city, and neighborhood continue to be foreclosed upon. No! We will be walking away. While banks try to make homeowners feel like they are scum for doing this I refuse to feel this way. At first the morality issue bothered me and bothered me a lot, however the more I thought about how the "man" does business and the way they chose to cut their loses and walk away from bad business choices the more I realized we the "regular" people have the same right. It is not an issue of morals to me, I am still losing all the money I sunk into this house, I am loosing my outstanding credit rating. The bank will take a loss that can in turn be written off as a loss at the end of the year. I refuse to feel badly about my choice. I will not lose sleep over my situation any longer. I do not care if I have to rent for the rest of my life! I was supposed to be buying a piece of the American dream of home ownership, but instead it turned into a nightmare.

So now the hard part comes. That is deciding when to stop paying. This is the one thing that will be the hardest for me as I have never just not paid a bill, this is reflected in an credit score of over 800 that will more than likely drop to a low 600 when this is all said and done, but even that will not deter me. No, credit can be rebuilt and it will go back up as I have many other bills that will continue to be paid as scheduled. However, this mortgage is not one of them. I consulted a Lawyer last week to get all the questions I had answered. I knew everything except the fact that even though we are in a non-recourse state ( meaning the lender cannot come back at you with a judgment once they foreclose as they just take the loss) we still have to think about the tax liability. Because of this we need to make sure the process is completed by 12/31/12.With the average time line of foreclosure in Arizona being a minimum of 6-months, that means we have to start this soon just in case it takes longer. The last thing I want is to owe the IRS for ghost income that I have never seen, I have lost enough money with all this, and the way I see it when someone files for bankruptcy protection they do not have to pay back that money in taxes so why should homeowners who are foreclosed on?

The choice was made over a long time, as a matter of fact it took a long time to get my husband to see where I was coming from. However the home is only in my name so that makes it easier in the long run as we still have his credit to fall back on until mine clears. The choice was made when we realized just how bad this state is in terms of everything from education to mental health and both of those are in play with my daughter. So with his job we can transfer to another state that has more available to help her. We didn't want to be stuck here for no other reason than a house, so the choice was made.

I will be kind of chronicling my story on my blog as it happens. I know there are a ton of people in my situation and I want to help. If that means airing my dirty laundry than so be it. We do not have to lie down and take it. We do not have to feel like second class citizens! We will all pay in one sense or another for our choices in life, so I made a bad one I will not allow it or any other choice I have made in my past to dictate my future. I will survive. Now if you have read all the way to the end of this and you are in the same spot feel free to leave me a comment. Also if you need support trust me it is out there a great site to start at is Loansafe I have found so much information there and it will help ease your mind.

New housing plan meassures huh Mr. President?

2011-10-24T19:54:00.000-07:00

Well color me skeptical! This is a subject that is really near to my heart as you can tell by posts on the subject before on my blog. So now President Obama is pushing for measures to make help available to more than the original plan did. Well let me tell you the first housing plan was a failure and these "new measures" will be as well. Why? Well folks it doesn't matter what is put on paper as long as the banks who hold the notes are the ones who make the CHOICE to participate those who need help will not get it! How many people do you know that actually were approved for loan modifications or refinance under the previous guidelines? Me umm two maybe and they both lied to be approved, how that is possible I have no clue but it is fact. Me on the other hand couldn't qualify even though I had given up my entire salary to stay home (it was a wash with childcare for two) because our household income was still too high, and forget refi when you are over 125% LTV ratio. That was about two years ago lord knows how up-side-down we are now! We want nothing more than to be able to get in on low interest rates! We are not looking to be bailed out, just refinancing would make us feet better about the hole we are in. So now these new measures will allow us to do this with no cap on the loan to value ratio,and we have a Fannie Mae loan BUT, and here is the big but that has stopped everyone I know from getting help....the servicer. Yeah you know the banks that want endless paperwork then lose it, then say you never got it to them on time. So you re-submit and the same thing happens, or you get it in and never hear back or are turned down for what ever reason and that's only if you are lucky enough to have a servicer who is participating because you know they all aren't as they are not mandated to participate.

JOKE! you know what you need to extend Mr. Obama, The Mortgage Forgiveness Act of 2007. Yep that's right sir that needs to be extended. Because this housing plan is helping so few the fact of the matter is most who are underwater will still need to walk away before they can get out. I myself may have to go there. I have a husband who can be transferred to another state at any time for his employment. The simple math means that because my house is so severely underwater (not by any fault of my own) that I would have to walk away in foreclosure. I could not even rent my home for enough to cover the mortgage and I nor anyone I know can afford to maintain two homes in two different states on even a decent income. So Mr. President you want to help? Please extend the above so that when/if I am faced with the heartbreaking finality of losing my home to foreclosure after making payments every month on time for years and not because I bought too much house for my income then, I can sleep at night and try to put my life back on track without owing the IRS on "ghost income" for the difference in what I owed on my home and what it eventually sells for which would be a fraction of its purchase price by myself. If you want to help make that happen sir because ton of shit can happen in a matter of a few years that can/will cause us down and out buyers into leaving our homes and with the rate of decline and non-growth in the housing market even if that were to happen five years from now I can guarantee you we will still be underwater and what a shame to have to be committed to the IRS' debtors prison for years because we had no choice but to leave our homes and not only didn't see a dime, but lost our ass on years or payments, down payments, updates that we had to make on our homes to be livable. This sir is only scheduled to run until the end of 2012. I can tell you sir that this problem will far outlast that date.

So the Mojo is sort of coming back

2011-10-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

I hate to jinx myself but I am feeling just a bit better now. I had parent teacher conference on Friday, and if you have a child that has behavioral issues like I do then you know the anxiety I was feeling before that not to mention the kid had left me with a discovery that morning that was going to cause an argument when she got home. Oh and did I mention that math test that had to me taken that morning as well?

Anyway the conference went GREAT my daughter even made the honor roll. Talk about a proud mama. It was so needed hearing how well she is doing in school. Especially considering all the drama at school until recently. We have the report card up on the fridge and she now how big incentives to keep her grades up at the tune of $5.00 for each B and $10.00 for each A from this point on when report cards come out. She has never made honor roll before this so it was a proud moment for her as well. I know she can do it she is very smart she just needs to make better choice and that comes with age and maturity so I am hoping the trend continues.

We had a great time in Vegas! I zip lined down Freemont Street, saw a Legend in concert Mr. Barry Mailow, and even learned how to play and made money on Craps. It was a great trip and the hubby and I so desperately needed the brain break. The only down side was the plane ride home. It was fine but left me with the worst flu. Dang I always get sick from plane rides, but it was a small price to pay for the great time.

I am still struggling at times to cope with LIFE, but I know that I have been dealt the hand and have to play it as I can and that means good times and bad. If I can just get a few good ones here and there I will persevere as I always do. I am still looking at things in the long term and not knowing where it will lead me. I need to concentrate more on enjoying the ride and not worrying about the destination. I will get there where ever that is and when the time is right. I am still conflicted about school though. While I want to continue on and get a degree I am stuck now on what I really want to be when I grow up. I thought I knew it, but lately I seem to find more and more flaws with the idea I had. I want to be part of a solution not part of a problem and this is putting a kink in my plan. I still have many classes to take before I am even done with pre-reqs but I am really thinking I will change what I ultimately go onto do. I wish this were my last semester in math I really do. I have never been good at it, even in high school when that was all I had to do let alone now that I have a family and a job. I mean in reality I can stop here, BUT I will screw myself if I want to ever transfer to a university so I am torn. I wish it came easily for me but I do not have a math brain. Not to mention that I know you will never use 90% of it for fact.

I am also kinda conflicted on my blog. I love having it here for me and I have the best intentions and really want to get back to using it to reach the outside word at least weekly again. I miss the friendships I had with some of you folks! I think I have outgrown blogger though. Wow that is something I never thought I would say. I want more freedom, more reign to play with the big boys ya know. Hell I'd even like to make a buck or two and I think that once I get back into my grove, me holding me back is gone so then I need to work on my platform holding me back ya know. So I am seriously thinking of moving to a self hosted wordpress blog. What?? I know right It has been over three years here at blogger. I never wanted to give up blogger because it was comfortable and I was feeling like I would be giving my hard work up and starting over with PR and such, but umm hello Lisa it will all come back and you love to learn new things so what is your reason now? Well nothing I suppose! I guess paying for hosting bothered me too, but ya know who cares will it make me happy in the long run? Hmm only time will tell on that but I do know if I never try it I will have nothing to compare it to so I cant answer that honestly until then.

I want my normal back

2011-10-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what that actually means, but I want my normal back.I am still looking daily for the peace and the joy in life and most days I do fairly well, but I want my life back . I want to have the desire to work out, to shop, to enjoy my family, to read blogs, enter sweepstakes, etc.. I am truly struggling with my inability to juggle it all. I have been THE one doing it all for so long that I am on autopilot.

Up until about a year and a half or so ago I always made sure to have me time. Granted it took me years to get back there after my son was born and I was in a new role, but I did do it and kept at it for a good two years. Then everything changed. Just when I got a routine and a schedule down I took on a job, school, and all of the issues that escalated with my daughter, not to mention all the constant running from appointment to appointment and all my usual household/mom duties. It was like fight or flight ya know? I just did it all and continue to do it because no one else can or will. I need me to be important too. I know this, but I am having a hard time making it a priority again. I am so hoping that after my kid/life vacation to Vegas in a week that I can start making me important again. It will probably have to wait as yet another issues has arose with my daughter that involves court and probation officers, and who knows maybe even lawyers now, however I need to do this before I crack. So I know some of you may know what I am going through and I would love any words of advice you can give me. Nothing can really be put on the back burner but I need to move me up in check, so how exactly do I find my mojo again?

Yay I get to plan another trip to Vegas this year

2011-09-08T10:55:00.000-07:00

I cant tell you how excited I am! I so need a few days away with just the hubby. I am very fortunate to have a mom who is willing to watch my children once a year so I can have a mental health break! I will be going the second week of October, the only thing left to decide is where to stay! I love down town so more than likely we will stay down there again, but which hotel? We LOVED the Golden Nugget's new Rush Tower suites, but the Plaza has also revamped their rooms so I don't know. I love seeing new places so I think we may try the plaza. I am not a big room snob but I don't want to stay in a place where I am even afraid to put my luggage down ya know! The thing that is so great about Fremont street/Downtown is being able to walk out of you hotel into the action. I have stayed in the strip but the amount of walking is not my idea of fun in the heat.

Now time to plan entertainment. Last year I was so excited to be able to attend Viva Elvis by Cirque and that was such and awesome show, but this year I think I will spring for tickets to see one of my old time loves, Barry Manilow. Woot Woot love me Copacabana.

Betcha didn't know I have another blog

2011-09-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

Yep I do. I originally started Happy Pills And Coffee as a place for others to get things off their chest in a safe anonymous way. But I have had enough negativity. From myself mostly. We all have stuff that we deal with and I am tired of dwelling on it. I NEED to find the positive in every day. I have lost myself for far too long and its time I put on my big girl panties and get out of this hole called depression. It will be hard I mean life itself is not easy, but I will use this place to share ways to be happy everyday. Whether I take a picture to share of the beauty in life or post ways to help you and me destress. This blog will be my happy place and I hope it can become one for my readers as well.

For some parents 18 can't come soon enough

2011-09-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

Sad to say I am one of them. I did not always feel this way, but the last I would say six years of life with my daughter have been so difficult that now I look forward to the day when I can send her on her way. Birth through year one was difficult with colic, but once that was over we were good with only minor issues only until about age seven. Then the issues really took off and have gotten progressively worse, so that I sit here months shy of her thirteenth birthday and count the years until I can finally breathe.

First of all let me preface this by saying that until you walk in a parents shoes you never know the whole story, so please hold back judgment of me and others that struggle with this feeling daily. You have no clue what they may have gone through or continue to go through on a daily basis with their child. Not everything is the fault of the parent contrary to popular belief. If you are a parent of a child with behavioral, mental health issues, or anything else that causes you daily stress I sympathize with you as I am right there with you. The jealousy you feel when you hear other parents speak of their well behaved children and the relationships they have with them. The anger and frustration you feel when you think of what you struggle with daily with your children. The embarrassment you feel when you KNOW those who have no clue look at you and must be thinking " why cant you control your child" "what kind of parent is this person" I am right there my friend. Parents of seemingly "normal " children just don't get it. They may act sympathetic but they just don't get it.
They have no clue what its like to worry everyday whether you will get a phone call from school, law enforcement or anyone else because of something their child does. They have no clue the kind of stress it puts on everyone in the family because of one member of the household. They have no idea what its like to walk on eggshells daily and to never be able to calm down EVER because the next issue is right around the corner, and every time you have ever let your guard down and its quiet for too long your peace is shattered. They have no clue what it is like being perpetually "grounded" yourself because that is what happens when your problem child is grounded. You as the parent are punished for their actions and there is not much you can do about it. They have no clue the shame we feel when we are told of the things our kids do. No they do not they also do not know of the constant struggle to get them the help they need. The weekly appointments with counselors, and Psychiatrists, the med changes, the constant trial and errors that may work for a week or two at best. They have no clue that we are trying all we can to help our kids with little to no support. That we as the parents want to have a "good child" more than anything in the world. We want to have "normal" childhood issues to over come not what we do have ,which is daily stress, panic, fear, pain, feelings of inadequacy and helplessness that we have to deal with on a daily basis.

~~Parents~~ people can only deal so much before they just go onto autopilot and try to cope with life the best we can, but this is not a solution.. This has caused me personally to shut down and become a shell of a person. A person who has had to put the needs of the rest of her family and herself on the back burner and it kills me. I haven't blogged regularly because I just am numb. I am so mentally and physically tired. I have a job, school, a son, and a husband to take care of in addition to my daughter. My husband is gone 90% of the time with work so it almost all falls on my shoulders. I want to get myself some time to talk to a counselor but in absolute fact I have no time. Between all that I have on my plate for everyone else I am lucky I have time to do what I already am. I feel such shame that my life is the way that it is. I feel such anger that I feel the way I do but they are my feelings after years of problems. I feel scared too that what is happening now will negatively impact my son and his behavior. He is already becoming a defiant kid and this scars me. I don't want to have to go through this with him as well. The point of my post is to say, you cant possibly know everything about those around you.

Those with problems may be doing all they can to help themselves and the ones that need help. We may look like we are coping well but we are probably dieing inside. The guilt is the worst of it. No parent wants to admit that they have a less than perfect child, but some of us do and it may be of little fault of our own. Please you don't have to know what we struggle with daily but we are hard enough on ourselves without the judgment of others who haven't a clue what we are dealing with.

Well I scrached the itch and got a new car. Sort of

2011-08-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

I mean its a new car to me but was part of a rental fleet, so while its a 2011 I didn't take the hit in loss of value. It was an easy deal to put together, that is until I made the almost 2 hours trek north to Tempe. I did every thing right. I had the deal all worked our prior to leaving including the trade in, financing, and the price all down to the penny done. I worked with a great salesman via email and was ready to buy if I liked the vehicle.

So hubby took the day off work to go with me because the financing was in both our names so going alone was not an option. We headed to the dealer on a Sunday and sadly the guy I was working with was off for the day. Took the vehicle for a test drive, and really liked it minus the back seat looking like someone had gotten sick in it, I am still baffled as to why it wasn't detailed before putting it up for sale. Anyway I told the salesman that was helping us that I would take it if they were able to clean it up. I mean I don't expect a used car to be perfect and there were some small things that I was willing to look past, I mean it was a rental previously and you know how people treat rentals, but having a back seat that looked like it had seen a bad night of partying was not one of them. He said they would see what could be done. Then this is where the problems began. They started asking us info about our income and such. Hubby not putting two and two together starts answering and I stop him and say hey dude we have a pre-approved loan all ready to go we don't need to give you this info. Enter the jackass finance manager. This guys walks over with a huge chip on his shoulder and starts spewing crap about we are contracted and can get you the same rate as you are promised yada yada. I tell him I am not interested in using in-house financing we already have a loan in hand and just need to provided the vehicle info and the deal will be done. We were approved for much more than we need so no thanks. He started coping attitude. I get the bank on the phone (yeah US Bank) is open on Sundays, and have the loan officer talk to him. I think everything is kosher. We sit around and wait some more while the vehicle is being detailed and hubby decides to check with the Dick Head and see what the story is with the promissory note from the bank on the financing. Well he tells him sorry I will not release the vehicle without a check!!! WTH he got the same info from our bank that he would get if they did it in-house but refused because they didn't get the "extra" bit of profit from servicing our loan. Hubby grabbed my keys and we left promptly.

On the way home after being so pissy I decided to let the original salesman know what happened and how this ass blew a guaranteed sale. He was not happy and asked permission to share the info with his general manager, because it was not the first time this finance manager had pulled this before. I agreed. I also text him back and said the only way we would buy now is if you take an additional $200.00 and deliver it to me as we are not coming back to your lot period. To my surprise they agreed. So while it was a bad experience I felt the need to let them make it good. It was not the guys fault who I had been working with why should he lose a sale thanks to someone else mistake. I mean people aren't buying like they used to and if you have someone who has a loan in hand why would you blow a sale because you are being an ass. As I said to all of them from the beginning I want a new car but I do not need one. That makes it so much easier to get what you want how you want it period. I knew what he was trying to pull and I wasn't falling for it! That is why I did everything before I even went up there.

In the end it worked out. We went to the bank on Monday filled out paper work and got the check for the dealer, as well as a cashiers check for my down payment, and Tuesday my car was delivered. I admit to being stubborn, but in this case I liked the vehicle and paid less than what I would have on Sunday, had it delivered, and the good guy got his sale. I just hope that ass of a finance manager gets a clue! So what did I get? Well I narrowed it down to the Kia Soretno. Mine is AWD, V6 and lovely. Its black which was certainly not my first choice of colors, but they are very popular and the lighter colored ones go quick. Its a 2011 and since it was a rental has 15,000 miles (ok with me as my car that I traded only had 52,000 and was a 2004. it was also bought with almost 20,000 miles) I don't drive very much so that is ok with me. Other vehicles that were more expensive with less options were pricier. Kia would never have been a manufacture that I would consider, but man has Kia come a long way!

Right about now four years ago

2011-08-03T06:49:00.000-07:00

I was heading to the hospital to have my son. The morning started off like any other towards the end of my pregnancy. I was sitting at the computer with a cup of coffee while my husband got ready to go out for a day of golf. As I sat quietly and read I got the biggest contraction out of no where. Ouch that hurt I though hmm better tell hubby to wait a few minutes to see if another comes. Well Sure enough 8 minutes later another, then from that point on they jumped to every 5 minutes and stayed there.He called and canceled his spot for golf while I sat in the shower sobbing in pain. Ha this labor took off fast and furious unlike my daughter who made me wait from 10:30 the night before her birth until 4:30 P.M. the next afternoon until she arrived.

I got dressed and my husband and daughter and I took off for the hospital. As we were driving a song I was in love with at the time was on the radio so I was concentrating on it to get me through my contractions which were being announced the whole way by my husband hahah. We got to the hospital and checked in and once in my room I was offered the magic epidural. Ahh I never got to have one with my daughter only a botched spinal that worked for about 10 minutes and left me needing a blood patch because my cerebral fluid had drained from my brain. Ahh so you bet I took the Dr. up on that. I was one of only a few ladies there so I had it in no time! What a pleasure having an epi! I was reading the paper and watching the news just waiting for the boy to come while my husband, mom and daughter went to eat.

When it was time to push though ouch the epi stopped working for a while on one side and I had a hard time getting him out. I couldn't figure out why with all my pushing he hadnt arrived yet. Well my child decided to arrive sunny side up, a very difficult birth to have. After all was said and done at 12:30 PM 6ish hours total of labor my son was born. I didnt see him right away because of his difficult entry into the wold he had to be checked by a neonatologists as he passed meconium from the stress. He was so quiet unlike my daughter who arrived screaming and never stopped!So Buddy Happy birthday! Here are some pics from your big day and the song that reminds me of your birthday.

Before the magic Epi!

Fist pic with mom

first pic with dad

so peaceful

Dear Credit Card Companies and Banks for whom I have outstanding debts with

2011-08-01T11:05:00.000-07:00

I can't pay the large amounts of debt that I have incurred over the years; however I have a plan that I think would benefit us both. How about you raise my credit limits I will then in turn promise that to cut my spending by about 1/10 of what I am now immediately and then I will look at my budget to make sure that from now on it is balanced. This is of course while I continue to spend the increase in credit that you extend me. Albeit slower but spending it nonetheless, I hope to have you paid off before my demise but if not I guess that I can leave the debt to my children and grandchildren.

I don't know how you can possibly pass up such a gonga offer from me. I will await to hear your response. If you are asking yourselves where I came up with such a great plan of action, my reply to you sir's and madame's would be my elected officials in Washington. I mean what's good for the goose is good for the gander right? Sincerely yours, The American People.

HTC Thunderbolt OTA update failed error

2011-07-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

I wanted to take a minute to post this for you because I was having this problem and searches did not lead me to any answers. Supposedly all HTC Thunderbolt phones are to receive the second OTA update by tonight. This was created to fix some of the big issues that plague the Thunderbolt such as random reboots and inaccurate GPS both of which were exacerbated by the first OTC update in May. I was able to find the update available on Friday night by doing the usual of looking under *software update* *check new*. I accepted the download but after a minute or so noticed that the download icon had disappeared from my status bar and the update froze. I turned the phone off to clear it and repeated the above steps, only to start getting the network error message again not the update. I left the phone alone all night and tried again in the AM. Same error, so I then pulled the battery for a few minutes and when I looked the update was available and downloaded completely without a hitch. I have heard some complaining about battery life with the update but have yet to see this. Also, this will not completely resolve the issue of reboots per say, but it is supposed to slow them down. I received a brand new phone after my son decided to make mine swim and that phone in all seriousness rebooted within 15 minutes of setting up, the reboots were not as bad as my old one but would have a couple a day. I am now at 25 hours of up time without a reboot so I am holding out hope. I have no idea about the GPS as that is a feature I do not use much, but if this update enables me to use my phone efficiently as it is supposed to work I will be happy. I hope you find this info helpful if you run into the same issue with your update.

So what do you think of the Netflix rate hike?

2011-07-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

I as well as most subscribers received a notice last week that Netflix has decided to increase their rates effective September 1, 2011. As part of this price increase they have chosen to spit their packages into two parts; one part is just streaming and the next is for actual DVD's via mail. While this didn't bother me at first, I am now thinking when the time comes for the increase that I will keep the streaming at $7.99 per month, but drop the DVD option all together. My reason for this thinking is while we have the unlimited 2 at a time DVD option, sometimes I just get really ~~lazy~~ busy and have movies here for weeks before I watch them. I do occasionally get on a roll and watch movies constantly, but this is not often enough to justify the price increase of $5.00 more per month. We do however use the streaming service a ton. My son and daughter are always putting something on from them via the Wii. I have never understood the appeal of Redbox, that is until I tried it out this past week. I mean sure you have to go get the movie and return it rather than just receiving them in the mail, and then returning them in the mail, but you can return them to any kiosk not just the one you rented from. Why did I try them out you ask? Well one major downfall with Netflix is the delay in them receiving new titles as well as the delay that can be lengthy for these new releases to be sent to you because of demand. I really wanted to watch Insidious and I wanted to see it while I had the time. I found it available at a Walgreens Redbox kiosk less than a mile from my home, and even found a free code to rent from a Walgreens location. WOOT. I always see free coupons available so if I wait and rent when they are available then I score free movies.

I do understand why they are doing it, costs rise for them and they must pass it on but they just raised them not too long ago. I was ok with $14.99 a month for it, but I am not ok with $19.98. I just do not feel that their service warrants it when there is a viable and cheaper alternative. I have also heard rumors that part of their reasoning is to go to streaming only in the future and if this is the case I will gladly pay a premium to be able to stream unlimited movies then, however right now their selection of movies to stream is pretty limited. So if and when that time comes Netflix can have a premium cost from me for a premium service but until that time comes they will lose $12.00 a month from me and apparently many others as well as losing subscribers all together.

Being happy with what you have is not the same as not wanting better

2011-07-05T09:05:00.000-07:00

I was thinking recently that being happy with what you have is so important in life. I don't mean day dreaming about winning the lottery, but truly finding happiness in what you have. If you get out of bed in the morning that is the first of your blessings however, being happy with what you have should not be an excuse to give up dreams of something better. One must always strive to do better, be better ya know what I mean.We as humans have so much potential. We have so many opportunities to love what we have, but we also have the the choice in life to actively work to change what we don't love in our lives. Take me for example; I was/am happy with how my life turned from being a single parent of one who struggled to now being a wife, a mother of two, and being financially able to stay home for my kids. This is great and has brought me much joy, but I never gave up the need to be an active participant financially for my family or myself. I have been very blessed to be able to work part time from home doing transcription.Nor did I give up on going back to school.

The point I am trying to make is be happy with what you have EVERYDAY, but if there is more that you want, goals that you have, dreams you want to achieve then you must go after them. Do not be passive! The best things in life do not just fall from the sky into your lap you must actively search them out. Put yourself out there to get them. Being content with life is great, but do not let it stop you from seeking more.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

2011-07-02T07:40:00.000-07:00

OK so this post is not about Newton's law of Motion more like Murphy's law but the statement fits! I had a great Thursday. Won a $100.00 on a five dollar scratcher woo hoo! The most I ever won was maybe $20.00.

Woot how awesome, but as usual the good fortune does not last because yesterday my son decided to make my phone take a swim! Perfect just when it resurrects and starts working....cost of replacement through insurance $99.00. Great! So I take it apart and dry it out and all is functioning but the camera. I am holding out until Tuesday to make a claim. Next my the toilet in the main bathroom will not go down very well. Hmm strange so I plunge and plunge nothing. Ask my son if he put anything down there and he tells me the "pink present" Super a fancy wrapped soap bar. So you see equal and opposite. Even if I wait on the phone the plumber will be over the $100.00 I won, dang so much for my happy dance.

I am getting the new car itch bad

2011-06-29T05:21:00.000-07:00

I cant say when I will buy a new vehicle for sure but lawd knows I am getting the itch bad. I have my heard and head set on a crossover SUV with third row seating. As my kids get older their stuff gets bigger and I am sure I will be dragging their friends around soon as well and I just refuse to buy a minivan. I just cant make up my stinking mind on which one! There are so many to chose from and it is spinning my brain around. I do know however that I will not buy brand new as there is no point in loosing cash the second you drive off the lot! I will not spend more than $23,000 PERIOD but I am to only finance $15,000 between my trade in and a down payment. So this will take me a while to ~~save~~ part with the cash. It hard for me to let go of money, and there is nothing wrong with my care, but I need more space. I paid the car off I have now over a year early and it has been nice not having a car payment for sure!I think I will wait until 2012 when the new models come out so the 2010 models will be cheaper, maybe even a 2011 then. So do you own a crossover? If so which model and do you or don't you like it?