Island of Pain

BDSM Humor of the Week – Spanking Woman

Stoltz Sinatra — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 16:00:14 +0000

BDSM Documentary – Heaven & Hell

Stoltz Sinatra — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:31:57 +0000

“Heaven Hell” is an attempt to defend even very extreme notions of freedom if such notions are well-founded and lead to new horizons of human understanding.

The film portrays people who have found pleasure in pain and decided not to hide this passion, or at least not to suppress and deny it any more. These people either inflict pain or demand it from others, but they do not force anyone to do anything. This closed BDSM society is portrayed in the documentary “Heaven & Hell” which was accepted at SXSW 2011.

This BDSM documentary has a plethora of scenes and BDSM expressions – From latex and whipping to various kinds of Dominantion games and pony play.

A Reason For My Silence

Stoltz Sinatra — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 08:28:24 +0000

There are periods in your life when you need to be silent, there are periods in your life when everything stacks up and there are periods in your life when problems, that should have been solved a long time ago, need to be solved.

I had to take my silent timeout and I had to solve a lot of things that were long overdue and this is why it has been fairly quiet here.

Sometimes it turns out that a relationship you once had faith in and believed being a strong one wasn’t as strong as you thought and suddenly everything explodes with a big bang and you wonder what the hell happened.

Some of you might think that a situation like that leaves you with emotional scars and a bitter taste in your mouth.

Well, if I were a person that would become emotionally scarred and have a bitter taste in my mouth then I wouldn’t have learnt anything about myself because I believe that you are in a state of blaming your former significant other if you turn into a bitter person. I also believe that blame stops you in a very efficient way from learning what your own contribution was that created the mess from the start.

The blame game stops you from realizing that change is the only constant force in the universe and even love and relationships tend to change over time. It’s something that we forget when we embrace the security of feeling loved in a relationship and when love itself puts a fuzzy blanket around our intuition, our gut feelings, and it creates emotional blind spots where our sense of security resides. In the end it makes us believe that a relationship is almost a static entity, which it never is.

When we realize that our perception of a relationship is wrong, then the strength of the relationship is being put to the test.

The relationship I had six months ago didn’t stand the test and that’s why I had to go silent.

Fire changes life as we know it, but it also creates ashes and ashes makes a foundation for a new aspiring life and revelations about ourselves.

The ashes hold small shards of your experiences from past relationships and it’s from these experiences you build your knowledge about yourself – The ashes are full of nutrition which you build new and better relationships upon.

This is where I am now and the silence is over…

Island of Pain is Having a Birthday

Stoltz Sinatra — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:54:21 +0000

When I started Island of Pain, it was mainly as an extension of the BDSM Workshops that I did in Second Life.

My intention was to make people inside Second Life interested in RL BDSM to such an extent that their curiosity would make them take

the plunge and find the courage to try things out in real life.

Parts of that intention succeeded. Two of my best friends met through Second Life, went on to BDSM in real life and then moved together. I met some submissives in Second Life that became my submissives in real life and I met a lot of BDSM friends through Second Life as well.

But there was one big drawback with the BDSM scene in Second Life.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the flourishing BDSM scene inside Second Life and I love all the people contributing to it, but a lot of people I’ve bumped into don’t do BDSM in real life. There is nothing wrong with that, I’m not an elitist – But roleplaying BDSM is not the same thing as doing BDSM in real life as some of the BDSM expressions in Second Life is a poor mirroring of the porn version of BDSM in real life.

This lead to that Island of Pain gradually changed to cover real life BDSM rather than being the bridge between Second Life and real life BDSM – And what a journey it has been so far.

We have written approximately 600 posts about almost everything that relates to BDSM and we’ve done podcasts as well as videos. Our forum is gradually growing and a lot of posts have created both interesting and controversial discussions.

So here I am writing about our birthday and I am looking back at our four years so far with a smile on my face as it has been hard work as well as fun at the same time.

I would like to send out a big Thank You to everyone that have contributed to make the journey pleasant, all our co-writers are the ones that I’m referring to.

An equally big Thank You should also sent to everyone that read the Island of Pain BDSM blog, I hope you enjoy the journey as much as I do.

BDSM Humor of the Week – Santa Goes to Court

Stoltz Sinatra — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 00:02:04 +0000

A Detailed Look at Sex Injuries

Stoltz Sinatra — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 23:02:30 +0000

BDSM sometimes involve causing injuries to your partner, based on consent of course. This is a fact that is often used by people who don’t understand or are against BDSM when they utter the famous words that we’ve seen so often: “That’s sick…How can they get turned on by hurting each other?”

Well here’s a news flash – People get hurt even when they have “normal sex”, just take a look at this infographic and deal with it.

Try Out Our New Forum

Stoltz Sinatra — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 18:30:33 +0000

The Forum is dead, long live the BDSM Forum!

Well, things are actually not that dramatic.

As a part of the design change that have taken place here on the Island of Pain, I’ve decided to give the forum a makeover as well. The old forum was good, but not good enough. There was some discussions going on, but it was quite difficult to get an overview among other things. The new forum is based on an other kind of platform and is, to my opinion, better than the old one.

So why not head over to our new BDSM Forum and give it a spin?

If you get a good discussion going then I will promote it so more people can engage in it. The new forum gives you the possibility to differentiate between a question and a discussion and if you decide to ask a question then you are also given the choice to accept or reject the answers you are given in the thread, thus making it easier to follow if a specific question have been and answered or not.

I’ve added some categories within the forum that you can create new discussions or questions within, but let me know if you feel if they are not sufficient enough. You can also post a discussion as a general discussion and then I will move it to the right category. Feel free to discuss everything that might relate to BDSM.

I’ve taken the open view on things right now and not created any rules regarding the forum, except one: No spam or commercial posting of any kind. Beyond that rule it’s the same as within BDSM community, treat everyone with respect independent of their sexual orientation or roles within the community.

Everyone is welcome to discuss here as long as mutual respect is applied even when opposite opinions exists.

BDSM Quote of the Week

Stoltz Sinatra — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 02:12:53 +0000

“GODDAMMIT YOU FUCKING BITCH!! . . . Ma’am”

— Heard at a GWNN Party

The Effects of Outing Yourself on TV

Stoltz Sinatra — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 21:50:45 +0000

I wrote a post last spring that I would take part in a national TV show about BDSM. I was filmed in late April by the team from the “Fråga Olle” show and the show was on air about 2 months ago. Before I accepted to participate, I had a long discussion with my kinky friends and my family about the effects that could occur.

That was before half a million people saw me do electro play on TV and talk about safety during a BDSM scene.

I have always stood up for my beliefs and for who I am as a person and I have never tried to hide from those around me who I really am. My sexual orientation is also a part of who I am and personally I see no reason to hide it.

I’ve also read about other people who been blogging about sex or been into BDSM and decided to tell their friends, only to find that they all of a sudden had no friends. One of the most interesting and horrific stories I can relate to is the one that avflox went through when her relatives found out she was blogging about sex.

I was ready for all kinds of risk scenarios. I was ready to receive harsh criticism from the kink scene in Sweden for some statements I chose to do, I was ready for a possible social stigma from an unsympathetic environment and I was even ready for anonymous complaints to social services.

None of this happened.

The harshest criticism from the kink scene was that I wore leather pants and a leather shirt during my appearance in the TV show and according to some critics that just confirmed the stereotype that BDSM people often wear leather gear. My friends and I often wear leather clothes on different occasions and we love our leather shirts, leather skirts and leather pants. So in other words, it is not a stereotype, it is a reality for many of the people I hang out with.

During show I performed electro play, breast play and I discussed various safety paradigms, such as SSC and RACK, with the hostess.

The show is a sex education show and the hostess is subjected to many of the things that are discussed during the show. Therefore, we agreed during the planning that the hostess would try a Violet Wand.

When she was subjected to the violet wand she jumped, screamed and giggled, which is very similar to the reactions that I meet when I show these things to the public.

Because all of this, there was an individual critic who tried to claim that I had committed an abuse on the hostess because it looked as if she didn’t want to do what she was subjected to. The critic could not care less about the fact that I had about 50 people as a witnesses when the whole thing was recorded.

This was probably the most stupid reaction that I got after the show had been on air and it was not particularly difficult to counter it.

I got a different type of reaction from relatives around me.

The reactions from the relatives were surprisingly few, but those who came were, to mildly put it, exaggerated. The strongest reaction came when a relative saw the rerun of the show, then she immediately called another relative – And then gossip mill started. The two relatives did everything that they possibly could to seek out my kinky profiles on the Internet to get more information, instead of asking me directly. Their reading skills did not work very well during the gossip frenzy because they got the idea that I was a severe sadist.

It’s not written anywhere on the web that I am a sadist.

This was enough for them to make general statements about my sexual orientation – It was disgusting and repulsive I was a very bad person in general just because they had the perception that I was a sadist.

I wonder what they would say and think about my close friends who are sadists?

The relative, who saw the rerun decided to hit me with the worst social stigma you could possibly ever imagine – She removed me as a friend on Facebook!

Do I have to mention that didn’t suffer very much from this final act of social banning?

Another type of reaction was whispering that arose in the neighborhood and finally got to the point where one of the gossip ladies sent out her teenage daughter to ask one of my relatives if I’ve been on TV. My relative replied politely and truthfully that this was true, then the daughter ran home to spill the beans.

It is easy to believe that I feel that there are many negative reactions to my involvement in the show on TV, but I actually don’t feel that way. I have received surprisingly few negative reactions and much more positive and curious ones.

Those who react negatively have been cowards, because none of them have made a direct statement to my face and they seem to feel they know to 100% what sexual orientation is all about. That is probably why they do not even bother to ask me what it is all about.

This is also one of the fundamental mechanisms behind gossip, people avoid asking direct questions targeted towards the one the gossip actually concerns and that is why the gossip never gets challenged.

People who gossip has gone to my relatives and others who are close to me because if they would have asked me directly then I would have probably not appeared as bad as they believe I am. Many of those who spread gossip are people who have known me for years and they should really know better, because I am the same person even if I made a choice and talked about my sexual orientation on television.

I’m still who I am and I will continue to stand up for my opinions and the openness that I’ve made a choice to have when it comes to my person and sexual orientation.

Rethink Breast Cancer – Your Man Reminder

Stoltz Sinatra — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 02:00:28 +0000

This post isn’t about BDSM, it’s about something totally different. It’s about something that might affect you or someone you know in the BDSM community.

It’s about breast cancer.

Breast cancer is serious business because it can kill if it stays undetected and it’s very easy to get quite gloomy when writing a post like this, but I’m not going to be like that.

I’m gonna stay happy when writing about breast cancer.

Some of you might think that I’ve lost it, how can I stay happy when writing about such a serious subject?

Well, think about it – a lot of information campaigns on public health are built upon fear from the start. Then you add a scary message to it and people get scared shitless. When it comes to breast cancer then a lot of lives can be saved if people did regular self examinations, but when you’ve watched a regular scary campaign then you might get so scared that you don’t dare to check yourself. Denial and fear are strong forces that work together in a negative way.

Make no mistake about it, breast cancer is serious business – But the information that is the basis for saving lives doesn’t have to be presented in a gloomy way.

Rethink Breast Cancer has taken the lighthearted approach when spreading the word on how to carry out self examinations because the don’t want to scare people from doing it, they want to make if fun and engaging.

A great way to approach the subject in my opinion.

What do you think?

BDSM Humor of the Week

Stoltz Sinatra — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 23:25:27 +0000

Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2011

Stoltz Sinatra — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 16:26:39 +0000

Between My Sheets is a sex blog out there, a really good one when it comes to sex blogging and general sex education. Each year the owner of the blog, Rori, puts together a list with the top 100 sex bloggers of the year. The list is pretty extensive and covers a lot of sexual practices.

So here it is, the top 100 sex bloggers of 2011 – Enjoy!

Guy New York (@quickiesnewyork) and The Dirty Gentleman from Quickies in New York
Charlotte Times (@charlotte_times) from The Life and Charlotte Times
Kendra Holliday (@TBK365 and @beautifulkind) from The Beautiful Kind
Amie Wee (@crevicecanyon) from Crevice Canyon
Riff Dog from Ashley and Me
Catherine Toyooka (@Catcoaches) from Sex Spoken Here: Secrets of a Sexuality Educator
Vineyard Road (@vineyardroad) from Vineyard Road
David (@DavidinVegas) from A View from the Top
Quizzical Pussy (@quizzicalpussy) from Quizzical Pussy
Athol Kay from Married Man Sex Life
Dick and Jane from Dick-n-Jane
EA (@easilyaroused) from Easily Aroused
Axe (@unspeakableaxe) from Unspeakable Axe
Joan Price (@JoanPrice) from Naked at Our Age – Better Than I Ever Expected
Oatmeal Girl (@oatmeal_girl) from Submission & Metaphor
Dark Gracie (@darkgracie) from Dark Gracie
Mistress Lilyana (@MistressLilyana) from Mistress Lilyana
Kyle Jones (@butchtastickyle) from Butchtastic
Cheeky Minx (@LoveHateSexCake) from Love Hate Sex Cake
Adam from The Mind of a Married Man
Dr. Marty Klein (@drmartyklein) from Sexual Intelligence
Lady Pandorah (@ladypandorah) from Lady Pandorah’s Sanctuary
Holly (@pervocracy) from The Pervocracy
Brooke from Puppy Tales
Lady Dragonfly (@miladydragonfly) from Lady Dragonfly
nilla (@swirlednilla) from Vanillamom’s Blog
Wilhelmina Wang (@wilhelminawang) from Heartbreak Nymphomania
Holden (@packingvocals) from Packing Vocals
25 Things from 25 Things About My Sexuality
Thumper (@thumperMN) from Denying Thumber
Kake (@poeticerotica) from Poetic Erotica
Lucas (@top2bottom) from Top to Bottom
Ms. Diane D from Bi and Large – Cuckolding with a Twist
Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross (@dodsonandross) from Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross – Sex Information Online
Kat (@shackledkat) from Prowling with Kat
The Gentle Nibbles Writing Team (@gentlenibbles) from Gentle Nibbles
Pandora (@pandorablake) from Spanked, Not Silenced
Molly (@mollysdailykiss) from Molly’s Daily Kiss
Vixen from Secrets of a Blue-Eyed Vixen
DDD from Dick Dyke Dick
Jade (@piecesofjade) from Pieces of Jade
Jiz Lee (@jizlee) from Jiz Lee
Sin from Finding My Submission
Kris from The Phone Courtesan
SapioSlut from SapioSlut
Rockin’ (@RockinwithaCock) from Light Switch
Rachael (@rabbitwhite) from Rachel Rabbit White
Neo Dom Tom from A Bedroom Dom
Daisy Danger (@daisydanger) from The True Life Sex Adventures of Daisy Danger
Violet & Rye (@UCAppetites) from Uncommon Appetites
Kaya from Under His Hand
Lilith (@lilith9465) from Lilith Land
Lady Grinning Soul (@LadyGrinSoul) from Lady Grinning Soul
Septimus from Dirty Art by Septimus
Roxy (@sroxy) from Uncommon Curiosity
Anakin (@AnakinDarth) and Padme (@padmeamidala) from Journey to the Darkside
Dr. Charlie Glickman (@charlieglickman) from Adult Sexuality Education
Lily from theblackleatherbelt
Arabella (@askarabella) from Bombshells & Rockstars
SN from Peel It Off!
Bre from Owned, Collared, Loved
Adriana Ravenlust from Of Sex and Love
Delilah (@definingdelilah) from Defining Delilah
Arthur and Annabelle (@lustandconfused) from Lust and Confused
Lorelei (@suggestive) from Suggestive Tongue
Kitty Stryker from PurrVersatility
Mollena (@Mollena) from The Perverted Negress
Naughty Lexi from Exploits of Lexi
Karen Blue (@kissinbluekaren) from Kissing Blue Karen
Arti (@ArtiAbsinthium) from Absinthe Cocktail
Figleaf (@talkingfigleaf) from Real Adult Sex
Miranda and Aarron from The Swingers Attic
Blacksilk (@BlacksilkBlog) from Blacksilk’s Boudoir
Violet (@violetscreaming) from Screaming Violet
Ferns (@Ferns__) from Domme Chronicles
SlipperyWhnWhet (@SlipperyWhnWhet) from A Slut’s Memoir
Fruit Taster (@fruittaster) from Fruits of Libido
Mrs. Discontented (@DiscontentedMrs) from Mrs. Discontented
Aisha from Being Aisha
Ruby Ryder from Pegging Paradise
Chrystal Bougon from Better Sex Radio
Lipstick Lori (@lipsticklori) from Rarely Wears Lipstick
CarrieAnn (@CarrieAnn_) from A View from the Floor
Dangerous Lilly (@dangerouslilly) from This Could Be Dangerous
Electronic Doll (@electronic_doll) from Post Modern Sleaze
Jerome from Let’s Talk About Sex
Dusk (@dusk_in_chains) from Dusk (in chains)
Innocent Loverboy (@innocentlb) from Innocent Loverboy
RHS from The Redheaded Slut
Violet Blue (@violetblue) from Tiny Nibbles
Amy (@AnalAmy) from Anal Amy
Curvaceous Dee (@curvaceousdee) from Curvaceous Dee
Jason Stotts (@Jstotts) from Erosophia
Mistress Kay (@mistress_kay) from Kinky World
Viemoira from Cavern of the Beast
Lucid (@lucidobsession) from Lucid Obsession
? & sss (@sweatshopsissy) from Sweat Shop Sissy
Kat from She Makes the Rules
Yummy from Sexual Adventures of a Married Woman
YOU! – As always, I want to leave a place on this list for ALL the awesome sex bloggers out there! So please leave a comment on Between My Sheetswith your name/URL to tell us about your sexy blog!

Source: Between My Sheets – Top 100 sex bloggers of 2011

BDSM Video – Punishment 3

Stoltz Sinatra — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 20:38:32 +0000

I’ve decided to prolong our Punishment Week a bit, so here is another punishment video with a girl who is getting punished with a crop and some healthy exercise.

BDSM Video – Punishment 2

Stoltz Sinatra — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 22:00:00 +0000

This male submissive is getting a harsh punishment by his Mistress because he had an erection without permission – Rules are supposed to be kept in a strict manner.

What Kind of Punishment do You Prefer?

Stoltz Sinatra — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 14:09:00 +0000

There’s a lot of punishment categories that can be used to prevent disobedient sub missives from getting the upper hand.

Take our poll and think about what kind of punishment you prefer and it doesn’t matter if you are in the giving or receiving end of things. Feel free to leave comments if you want to give us more elaborate explanations.

Take Our Poll

BDSM Quote of the Day

Stoltz Sinatra — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 23:30:19 +0000

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding”

— Gibran Kahil

When Punishment Goes too Far

Stoltz Sinatra — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 15:00:34 +0000

Punishment might be an important part of your BDSM relationship and is something that can be used creatively, but how do you know when things have gone too far?

Last year I got that question from one of our readers which made me do a post about the subject, “A Question about punishment”.

The thing about punishment in BDSM is that it should feel like a punishment, the contradiction is that, looking at it from a larger perspective, it should still be a part of something that is enjoyable. The punishment itself might not be enjoyable, but the context in which it is delivered should always be.

This, to my opinion, one of the hardest things to deal with when you are new to BDSM and common questions are revolving around boundaries and have the courage to deal with punishments, both on the Dominant side of things as well as on the submissive side.

Luna KM, over at Submissive Guide, has done a really interesting video in which she talks about how to judge if punishment within in your BDSM might have gone too far and I think it is something everyone should look at, no matter if you are a Dominant or a submissive.

Source: Submissive Guide

Interesting Sources for Punishment in BDSM

Stoltz Sinatra — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 17:02:56 +0000

There’s a lot of interesting material on the web about BDSM, some writings are better than others – In the end it’s a never-ending flood of information.

I’ve put together a curated list of places that has interesting angles on punishment within the BDSM context. Some of the texts are describing specific techniques, others are about the philosophy behind the concept of punishment and as always, there is no right way to incorporate punishments in your own BDSM approach.

How things should be carried out is always a question about negotiation between everyone involved.