Met is a strong word, considering it is Twitter. In that moment, I didn’t know she’d be my best friend within seconds. What? Okay fine, minutes maybe. Ha. Felt like seconds.

We went back and forth on Twitter for a few days. I felt a little bad when I realized she’d been following me for months and I’d never bothered to follow back. She’s quiet like that. I stopped feeling bad, when I realized she’d read my previous blog and NEVER EVER COMMENTED. Ahem. She swears she would have on this one, one day.

One night, I don’t remember what I wanted to ask her, but I didn’t think it should be out there for all of Twitter to see, so I DM’ed her. Which led to, I believe, two solid hours of DM’s back and forth, before one of us was smart enough to say, do you want to chat in Gmail? That first DM to her, is the best decision I’ve made all year.

The rest is history. We are twins. Twins from another mother. Seriously. Sometimes it’s frightening how much alike we are. Other times I wonder who this crazy woman is and why in the world she likes me. Maybe I think that often. Only because I’m really the crazy one, not her. She’d yell at me for that. Calling myself crazy. She yells often. It’s always the quiet ones, I swear.

Some find it funny when I say I met my best friend on Twitter. Some find it insane that I can say someone is my best friend, when she lives 4 states and 1237 miles away from me. I don’t know that I care what “they” say. What I know is this: nine months ago, I met the greatest friend I’ve ever had. The end.

I love saying that. The end. I *may* have stolen it from Liz. She says it to me all the time. As in: the end, I’m right, you are wrong, now go do what I said. The end. She may be bossy. And stubborn. And…oh um, I’ll stop now. I kind of need to make sure she comes and gets me from the airport this morning. See, I’m going to spend New Years at her house. I really need to make sure that she picks me up.

This had been a hard year for me. The last three months have been very, very hard. I don’t know that I could have made it without Liz. I’m not joking. She has been like a rock for me. Screw that, she has been my rock. She has been there every time I’m fallen, to pick me up and duct tape me back together again. When I tell Liz I’m sinking, she reminds me that duct tape doesn’t sink, it floats. She doesn’t flinch when I show her the worst parts of myself. She yells at me when I need yelling and reminds me to breath when I forget. She knows the absolute worst things about me, about my life and she still loves me. She loves me enough to never let me push her away, which I am really good at trying to do. It’s hard to let someone that close, to show them all of your inner scars and heartaches and not feel like you’ve shared too much. To not want to shove them away, so you don’t have to look at them the next day. But she never, ever lets me. For this? I am eternally grateful.

Today, I am, for the first time ever, looking forward to New Years. Because I am about to leave my house and fly to spend the next four days with my best friend and her awesome family. That makes today a great day. Today I get to hug my best friend a million times. Today I get to cry and be a spaz in person…okay maybe not. Am mostly joking about the spaz part. The crying…eh, I don’t know that I can help it. Or the spazziness really. Oh well.

I’ve done a lot this year. Met some amazing people. Made some amazing friends. Friends that I don’t think I can imagine not having in my life. Friends, who make me laugh, let me cry and vent and help me hold myself together. For the first year ever, I feel supported by amazing people. People who know the real me.

I’ve done some things I never thought I could do. Hai, I flew to Chicago to meet bloggers. Loads of them. In person. Alone. I talked in front of a room full of strangers and didn’t pee myself or faint away dead. Course I did have phone hand holding for oh an hour before I did that. Seriously. I flew to Vegas to meet Liz In September, not knowing for sure if she was an ax murderer wanting to kill me. LOL. I never believed that….although some people I know did.

I’ve dealt with some things that I thought would sink me forever.

I was able to do it all, because I knew I had someone holding my hand, reminding me that baby steps are okay; reminding me that it is progress to get to the next day. Someone who lets me hide sometimes and other times, does not let me hide at all; for knowing the difference and knowing which I needed most in the moment.

I have wanted this year to end for a long time. Next year may not be any easier. I know the first part of the year won’t be. I know that because last night, my husband and I decided that he needs to move out. Meaning, last night he packed some bags and left. It was not just his choice, but I wasn’t/am not prepared for the things I heard. For the reality that is my new life. I’d like to say he’s moving out for awhile, but from what I hear, it’s probably for good. There is a lot I could say, a lot that needs to be said. But right now, I just can’t yet. I am broken. My heart was shattered and I need a few days before I say anything more about it. It’s been hard enough to say it at all.

For me, today is a mixed day. I am wrecked after last night. I am numb. It hasn’t fully sunk in. I knew it was coming, had weeks to prepare for the actual conversation, but it didn’t make it any easier. It may have been one of the longer, harder nights of my life. I don’t know what my life holds when I get back. But today I get to go away from it.

Today is not a day for this. There will be tons of time for it later. Today is a day for happy stuff. I get a break from this for a few days. A break from my life. Today I get to go see my best friend. And that makes it all better. At least for the next four days.

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year. Hopefully 2010 will be a better year for us all.

Also known as the, bloggers who never make the popular lists. Or bloggers who I adore list. Or the best kept secrets of the blogging world list. Take your pick.

Last week Babble put up the most popular mommy blogger list, which ruffled a few feathers. Mostly I think because they ranked people and the more votes you get, the hirer up on the list you go. I read probably 85% of the women on that list and I agree that they should all be on there.

This morning, Mom-101 put up a new list called The top 50 mommybloggers that didn’t make the list. I adore Liz and yet again, I love the list. I read a ton of those bloggers. Some of the others, I will check out today.

However, there are always those of us, who will never make a list. I thought I’d make my own list. 50 awesome bloggers who make my list. The list of people I consider friends, the list of people who I read. Granted, I read a ton of blogs, but remember these are the ones who may not make a list, get awards, get noticed, or get invited to participate in fun things.

There is no real order here, I’m only numbering them, because I like to number things.

1. Liz at Lacking Super Powers is my best friend so I have to add her to my list. Or else she yells at me. No, I’m kidding. Truly. Truth is, when she writes, however irregularly, she is a great writer. She claims to have no super powers, but she really does. Have you seen the girls score on Bejeweled? That is a super power. Trust me.

2. Avasmommy, also know as the lovely Jenna is one of my very favorite people in the world. She is kind and sweet and has an amazing sense of humor. She also is sarcastic and witty and writes whatever the hell she wants, despite what people will say about it. I love her and I’m honored to be her friend.

3. Ben at Babbling Dad doesn’t babble nearly as much as his title would suggest. He writes beautiful, sentimental posts for his wife and kids. The man always makes me cry. I love to give him a hard time. Luckily he lets me and not just because his wife is my best friend.

4. Becky at Life out of Focus is one of my oldest blogging friends. She is a writer, a mom, a cops wife and an absolutely amazing photographer. Somehow even with all of that, she manages to make time for me and my endless rambly emails. Ignore the fuzziness of her husband in all the pictures. He’s undercover as Harry Potter’s bodyguard right now and needs to not be seen on the Internet for awhile.

5. The amazing Renee from But Why Mommy is a great friend of mine. I am lucky enough to say that I met her at BlogHer this summer. She writes about her and her daughter Bunny’s adventures, as well as her adoption process. This next year (hopefully very soon) Renee and her husband will travel to Ethiopia to pick up their son, know now as Lion. This post; her love letter to Lion makes me love her a million times over.

6. Amazing Greis is someone who I am lucky enough to have met. She’s sweet and funny and doesn’t blog nearly enough. Except for her football picks, which I think she’ll stop doing very soon. Ha. She super loves her dog too. He’s cute but with those big ole ears, I always want to rename him Gizmo.

7. Tania at Chicky Chicky Baby is one of those people I have read for years. For some reason though, I rarely comment over there and she may have no idea who I am. (Although I have a vague memory that we did meet at the Cheeseburger party.) Occasionally I send a funny tweet her way. She’s a great writer, one who I hope comes back to it more this year.

8. Matthew at Childsplayx2 is the reason I blog. (Blame him for my ramblings.) That’s enough reason right there, for him to be on my list. However, he’s a great writer…he puts me to shame. Matthew is my oldest blog friend. I adore him, even though I do tease him all the time. The greatest thing he ever said to me was at BlogHer this summer. He said: You are like the annoying little sister, I always knew, I never wanted. Warmed my heart, truly.

9. Heather at Domestic Extradordinaire is one of those people you wish lived near you. She is sweet, kind and funny. She is a good friend. Also, she is a FABULOUS photographer. Her pictures make me weep some days, they are that amazing.

10. Emmie is another person I wish I had tons of time to spend with. She is awesome. I adore her. She’s a great writer. Really. You should go check her out at Life Behind the Curve. Maybe it will keep her blogging more.

11. Christina at Fairly Odd Mother is not as odd as she thinks she is. I’ve met her, so I feel confidant in my statement. Although she does name her vacuums…but I can’t fault her in that, since I do it as well. Really, Roombas need to be named. She home schools three crazy kids and made chicken nuggets and french fries for Christmas, both of which makes her my hero. She blogs when she wants and how she wants, which I love about her.

12. The lovely Kari at I left my heart at preschool is mis-leading you in her title. Truth is, she leaves part of her heart at kindergarten each day. I swear, some people. Her title should include the words Flappy in it, but I’ll leave her to explain that one to you. LOL. Kari is my friend and she deserves props for that alone. She was my personal bodyguard at BlogHer, which is good because I needed one. She is another person who I wish lived next door too me…although I think I’d miss some appointments because of her. I love her, even though she’s ditching me tomorrow night for some silly family celebration. Can’t understand where the girls priorities are.

13. I don’t know if Insta-mom will be blogging any time soon. She’s a mom to four boys, including a set of toddler twins; a full time high school teacher and basically has no time to write to read anything that isn’t for school right now. But she’s my friend and I adore her, so I’ll keep her site in my reader forever. She is a wonderful writer and if you’ve never been over there, her archives are worth the visit alone.

14. You all know who Anymommy is right? It seems like everyone knows who she is. However, she never manages to make the big lists, despite the fact that she’s one of the best writers I know. It doesn’t matter what Stacey writes about, she has no less than 50 comments per post. Even when I have nothing I have to say to her, I still comment. She can make me laugh and weep in the same post. It’s an honor to read her. Her words are like poetry. I’m going to remind her when she’s a big famous writer, that I knew her when she was a big not yet famous writer.

15. Tracey at Just Another Mommy Blog is a newer find of mine. I met her for the first time at BlogHer and I’m so glad I did. She’s funny, sweet, entertaining and a little bit crazy. Sorry, but I think that about anyone who home schools. I am not that brave. I’d kill Morgan. That’s all their is too it. She has lived to see eight years old, because I send her to school each day.

16. MommyGeekology, also known as Cat is someone I adore. She’s a great friend. She will write about ANYTHING which I love her for. Again, I am not that brave. She has two tiny girls, a husband, a full time job, a crazy family and she designs blogs on the side. However, she never seems to be too busy for me or my very lame, silly, I don’t know, maybe can we add this to my blog, questions. She doesn’t even laugh at my absolute stupidity when it comes to anything code. She’s just plain awesome.

17. The lovely Maggie at, Okay, Fine, Dammit is another blogger that everyone should know about. Her personal site is like reading the best unwritten autobiography ever. She also gives victim’s a chance to find their voice over at Violence UnSilenced. For that she deserves every award I could throw at her. But I have none to give. Just this list.

18. Sarah and the Goon Squad may have been on a list somewhere. Sarah writes at I don’t, 12 different blogs maybe? Just a guess. She is someone who I re-found a few months ago. One of the bloggers who I used to read back in the day. (I love saying that, like four years ago, was so long ago.) She is the mom to five year old boy/girl twins, she is a writer at the amazing MamaPop (if you haven’t read them before, go check out her Top Chef recaps, they are better than the actual show most of the time), she is a football fanatic and I’m pretty sure she could drink me under the table in five minutes flat. She definitely makes my list.

19. & 20. Andrea has two blogs, so she gets two numbers. The first is The Sweet Life, where she writes about her amazing daughters Alison and Blythe. The other is the blog a lot of us wish we could have, the one where we just write the thoughts in our head. The darker things that a lot of us won’t write on our family/personal blogs. It’s called Walking the Tightrope. I love it and I love her.

21. Kirsten…gah, I adore the girl. She blogs at The Norwidians. She’s the mom to seven year old twin girls and a crazy little four year old boy. She hasn’t written much in December (not that I am one to talk) because she did that crazy NOBLOWPOPS thing in November. I could not adore her more if I tried and I get to have dinner with her tomorrow night, which makes me want to squeeeeee, even though she hates when I do that.

22. Undomestic Diva is one of those people you are sure is the life of every party. It’s true…I’ve met her. She’s sarcastic, witty, charming, sometimes crude and an amazingly funny friend. She is the only person I know who goes to Starbucks more than me. Megan blogs about the three wild boys she gave birth too and the one she married; the crazy, Holy Christian Loves Jesus Praise the Lord Preschool (HCLJPLP) that her boys go too; and anything else that strikes her in any given moment. She gives cooking advice, which no one should take. EVER. Less you don’t like your kitchen being in one piece. She is a sweetheart, truly. This is the most amazing video of all time and Megan is responsible for it.

23. Denise at Eat Play Love is one of those people who I can’t believe I still haven’t met. We live like 35 miles from each other. One day, it will happen. Denise blogs about her girls, her traveling husband, cupcakes that I want to eat and her great organic, non plastic crap toy finds.

24. Gray Matter (whose name I know, but am not sure she publishes) is a newer find of mine. She is a mom to one son. She’s awesome. Someone I’d love to meet one day. She writes about anything it seems: sex, her son, television stars who shouldn’t be stars, crazy people at the gym. Anything.

25. Lu at Jaded Perspective is a great writer and a great friend. She is jaded, I’ll give her that, but she’s more normal than anyone else would be given some of the things that have happened in her life. She’s a mom to one tiny cute little dude named Mason. She is also one of my favorite people on Twitter, because she often tweets while drugged. Sounds worse than it is, she’s had major surgery this year. But still, she cracks me up often.

26. Karen Sugarpants probably is on a ton of lists. If she’s not, she should be. But I adore her and her writing, so she’s getting on mine too. She’s amazing, that’s all their is to it. She makes me think, in a way that few bloggers can. She’s real and sweet and dam funny.

27. I adore Cindy at PooBou and I really shouldn’t add her on here, for the simple fact that she is in IRELAND right now and I’m not. But I love her. I love how she writes about her life and her daughter Catie. She makes the cut, despite that Ireland thing.

28. Everyone should follow a Princess. Mine is Princess Jenn. She’s another person who will write about anything, even if it will offend some people. She’s great at dispensing advice, assvise and ass kickings. All things that every Princess should be good at.

29. Sam from Temporarily Me takes more breaks than Rachel and Ross on Friends. However, I love her despite it. Sam talks about motherhood in a way that is raw and very real and I always relate to it. She’s a talented writer and possibly makes some of the other lists as well. Or she would if she blogged more than ONCE a month. Ahem.

30. Bridget writes at The Ivey League. I met her this summer and I adore her. She writes sweet letters to her kids and random other things. She is also a great photographer. I want to steal the photos she puts up. Her kids are adorable and funny. Her youngest has these cheeks that I just want to eat.

31. Marinka NYC. Every list needs Marinka on it. I think it’s law. She is a funny and talented writer. One day, when she’s all famous, I plan on stalking her. I’ll be able too, because I know what she looks like in person. Also, she is  absolutely huggable. She loves hugs. Really.

ps. I’m sure I missed some of you. For that, I’m sorry. I was going to do 50 bloggers and I’m sure I could have…but I got kinda tired. Love you, even if you didn’t make the list. I promise to add you all to my next list.

My day to day, which involves four people showing up at my house on Wednesday night. By the end of next weekend, I will have eleven extra people at my house. For a week. Was supposed to have twelve, but my BIL broke up with his girlfriend last week. (Luckily my parents and In-Laws won’t actually be sleeping at my house, but the rest of them will.)

My day to day, which involves kids, getting ready for Christmas and trying to get up and make it through each day. I’m doing the best I can…and I’m doing a dam good job at it, but something has to give for a few weeks.

I’m going to take a blogging break. Most likely until the first of the year. I will still be around. I’m sure I’ll be on Twitter and visiting your blogs. But I can’t put into words what I need to say on here. Not yet. For now, I’ll stop trying. Putting up meme’s isn’t worth it. Not for three weeks. Better you all feel like you can ignore me, than feel like you need to come read yet another meme.

I went back and forth on saying something and just not. I’ve thought about this for a week. I adore this blog, this space, this community. You all mean more to me than I could even try to put into words. I swear to you all, I’ll be back soon.

In fact, around New Years I will have a new blog design, one that the lovely, talented Mommy Geekology is designing for me. It will be good timing too. A new design for a new year. Something shiny and pretty and way more me than this design is. I will post something when that time comes.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. If you need me, you know where to find me….playing Bejeweled on Facebook.

xoxo, Issa

Headless Mom did this and then Mom to the Screaming Masses stole it did it too and I’m totally stealing it borrowing it doing it too. Because I am awesome like that.

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. Hitler. No joke. Trust me, people feel the need to tell me all the time that my birthday and Hitler’s birthday were the same day. Great!! Love knowing that the man responsible for killing a ton of my family was born on the same day as me. YAY me!! I also knew a horrible chick in high school who tried and for a while succeeded, in being a huge bully to me, who had the same birthday as me. Double YAY!! (Insert sarcastic eye roll here.)

In other better news, my best friends birthday is the day before mine. That? Completely rocks.

2. Where was your first kiss? Um underneath a trampoline during a game of truth or dare. I was ten. His name was Nathan.

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? I once helped egg and TP a guy at schools house. Does that count? Unfortunately the older couple next door saw us, recognized us all and we spent the following day cleaning it all up. In the 95 degree heat. FYI, don’t egg houses in JULY in Los Angeles. Nor, people you know.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? I have two brothers. They are about it. And not probably since they turned nine and were bigger than me. I decked a chick in 7th grade though. She soooooo deserved it.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? NO…oh shoot…um yes? Twice. Once as a 7 year old, in a school Christmas play. I did okay, surprisingly. Meaning, I didn’t cry or faint and maybe the front row could hear me. I have a decent voice and my mom wanted me to gain confidence. Silly mommy’s. The second? I tried to win concert tickets on the radio. You had to be able to sing a random song of the artist’s. Called in, got on, would have been able to do it, except they made me wait on hold for 25 minutes and I totally siked myself out.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? Eyes. I always notice people’s eyes.

7. What really turns you off? Arrogance. People whose ego’s are so big, they think they are god’s greatest gift. People who do something nice for someone and then make a point of reminding the person and everyone else, forever.

8. What do you order at Starbucks? Venti, non-fat Mocha with whipped cream.

9. What is your biggest mistake? I don’t know that I can answer this one right now. Not trying to be a lame ass or whatever, just have some stuff going on that makes me question everything. So maybe? Maybe I’ve made a lot of mistakes.

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Nope.

11. Say something totally random about yourself. I have swimmer’s ear from showering this morning. My left ear and I have issues. It acts four years old.

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Nope.

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? I have three small kids. What do you think? I’ve always loved Disney movies though.

14. Did you have braces? No. I’ve had a ton of cavaties though. I have straight teeth, but soft enamel.

15. Are you comfortable with your height? I am now. I went through a lot of years of not being happy with it. I wanted to be taller. I *may* have said that I was taller on every drivers license since I was 16.

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Meh, I pass on this one.

17. When do you know it’s love? When you can be yourself. When you don’t think before you say something. When you can wake up in a bad mood and it’s still okay.

18. Do you speak any other languages? No. I failed Spanish and French. Actually I was kicked out of French for being too dumb. No joke. I only managed to get through the requirement in HS for it, buy learning Sign Language. But that? Is technically still English.

19. Have you ever been to tanning salon? No. I am comfortable with being a honkey.

20. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Yes.

21. What’s something that really annoys you? People who drive under the speed limit in the fast lane. When you try to go around them, they suddenly speed up, only to again slow down, when they’ve trapped you.

22. What’s something you really like? Sleep. My ear to not vibrate with water when I chew. A fast forward button for the next two and a half weeks. My life to make sense again. Any and all of the above.

23. Can you dance? Can I? Yes. Do I like too? Not really.

24. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? Yes. A few times.

25. Tag 5 people! Seeing how I normally don’t tag people, I will today. Just because. Liz, Jenna, Stacey, Becky and Bridget.

Issa’s assvice: Interesting. Very interesting. I don’t know why people say that honestly. I’ve said it for years. I’ve also been asked for years, by smart asses such as yourself, how I know what shit tastes like.  LOL. I think it’s more fun to say than, this tastes really bad. Shit, is the worst people can come up with as visual word. Visual people, like using visual words.

TV show? Dora. Hands down. I hate her voice. I banned it from my house, way back when Morgan was a toddler. No joke, Bailey and Harrison will NEVER see it here.

Avasmommy Asked: Why people, when confronted with something that stinks, always wants someone else to smell it too?

Issa’s assvice: They want conformation that they are correct? They are unsure? Sometimes they are being lazy and didn’t really smell it. Sometimes they are being jerks and want to make you gag too. Depends on the person, day and mood. Basically? Human beings are weird.

Sara 3 is enough – Overpopulation – i.e. the show, 18 and Counting on TLC. (She was giving me a suggestion about a post. I’d asked on Twitter.)

Issa’s assvice: Those people are insane. INSANE!!!!! I will say one thing for them though…their kids appear to be healthy and happy. Some people can’t say that about families with two kids. I give them props for that. They have managed to raise their kids, completely without government assistance, which makes them A-Okay in my book. Yes, they have choosen to be on a TV show. However, having 18 kids makes you a spectacle everywhere you go, so you may as well let the world know who you are. Plus, hai, that is them supporting their kids.

My real problem with them, is all the dang J names. I mean, they could have used most of the alphabet by now. After the forth kid, they could have switched to a new letter for four more kids and so on. I don’t care to watch the show, although I have seen it. When I do,  I spend the entire time, renaming their kids. I may have a slight name problem.

Amber asked: What should I get the co-worker whose name I drew for Christmas… $15 min.

Issa’s assvice: a gift card to Starbucks or Jamba Juice. May seem like a cop out, but most people like to pick their own scents in candles or body stuff. Plus, who needs more of that crap? This way, they will be happy and you can buy yourself a drink when you get the card. Congratulate yourself for not going into a mall, or buying a gift that will be re-gifted next year, or thrown our during a move. Trust me. No one needs more sugar cookie scented candles.

Sweet life – Underwear. (For the life of me, I don’t remember what it was about underwear that she wanted to know. Sorry Dre.)

Issa’s assvice: Um…please wear them. If you don’t, please don’t announce it. That is one of those things best left unsaid.

Pamela asked: What should I get my husband? Get laid coupons?

Issa’s assvice: You could. If you are that nice. Personally I recommend a video game. There is a lot less work involved for you. Plus? They always use those coupons in the WORST moments. Like when you are sick, crampy, dying and want to murder them.

Heather asked: I want the #s to the winning lottery ticket. Can you make that happen? you know, BEFORE they draw the #s?

Issa’s assvice:  Sure. Anything for my peeps. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 5. What? Those don’t sound like winning numbers to you? Try it, then yell at me.

GreenInOC asked: I need a gender neutral white elephant gift. Budget is $75.00.

Issa’s assvice: I have no idea. I have a white Eeyore from a few years ago. I hate to outsource my brilliance here, but I’m just not quite this good today. Try asking the lovely ladies at Cool Mom Picks. Truly, I’ve known Kristen and Liz over there for years. If it exists, they may have had it on their site. Heck, it was probably even organic or handmade.

Kari asked: What is the most important lesson you have learned in your life?

Issa’s assvice: DUDE KARI! Could you not have asked me a harder question? Like how to create world peas? I will give you the smart ass answer and I will beg your forgiveness, because it’d take me weeks to figure out the real one right now. Smart ass answer is: That my TWITTER NAME will not be said in an airport and I should listen for my name, while waiting for a flight. Ahem.

Bridget asked: Why is it so damn hard to find Christmas decorations that I like? A better question might be: Why am I so damn picky?

Issa’s assvice: I think, my lovely friend that you answered your own question. You are too picky. I can tell you what I do though. I find one a year for each of the kids. Generally at Hallmark, or the Lennox ones from Macy’s. Expensive but very awesome. Try for a couple, instead of wanting a ton. It adds up to a nice collection over time. On the why are you so picky? Meh, you are a woman. It’s in our DNA.

Thanks for playing along everyone. Issa’s assvice is officially closed.

You said those words to me this weekend. The, I’m halfway to sixteen line. Sixteen is big to you. Yes my love, you are; today you are halfway to sixteen.

Can I tell you something though? I am not ready for you to be sixteen. Heck darling, I am not ready for you to be eight yet. I wish I could explain it to you. To the eight year old you. Not the you who will one day receive these letters. There unfortunately is no way I can explain to you how it feels to have an eight year old. Not until you are in my shoes. I can’t make you understand how being eight may seem young to you, but it seems so old too me.

I tried to explain to you how amazing this last year has been with you. How amazing and talented you are. How helpful and kind you are to your siblings. (Mostly. Ha.) How you are one of my three favorite people in this world. How grown up you’ve become.

You laughed at me. Silly mommy you said, being seven took forever. Being eight is better.

You’ve changed a ton this year, my love. You’ve grown. Not just taller, but wiser and more mature. Seven was a phenomenal year for you. For us. This year, we’ve grown much closer than before. In a way, we’ve become sort of friends. It’s been great. You are being mostly challenged in school for the first year ever, which you love. You are being forced to be more responsible at home; something you wanted and needed, but it took me a while to realize. I’m sorry baby, but I may always have to learn through you. You are the first after all.

In one year you have changed from only wanting to discuss Disney tween characters lives, to always wanting to talk about what is going on in the world; what is happening in our family. In one year, you have learned so much. You love to learn. You are constantly telling me something else you need to learn about, something new you want to learn how to do.In one year you changed from a little girl to a big girl. I’m not sure how I let it happen. It sounds silly I know, but this is the age I’d bottle you at, if I could. Most of the time, people say that about babies and toddlers. I do about your sister; nineteen to maybe twenty-three months was amazing with her. But you? I’d bottle you up at this age.

In some ways, I want to hang onto seven. Seven and I got along great. Then again, I said that about six too. Six was such a change from five for us. Seven made our relationship even better. It’s not about the year or the age though, it’s about you. It’s about you getting to a place where you understand life. You like the world more, the more you understand. It makes you happier to not be treated like a baby. You always tell me, mommy, tell me the truth. I do. Sometimes it hurts to tell you the truth, sometimes I’d rather not tell you the truth. But it’s important for you, so I do it as often as possible.

You are a natural born leader. You have dozens of friends. Trust me on this. You literally wanted to invite 32 people to your birthday party next week. You and Mackenzie** are, yet again, have a joint party. Cosmic bowling. Your auntie and I keep wondering how long that will last, the joint parties. Personally, I think it will continue forever, just because then between the two of you, can get away with inviting EVERYONE you know.

We have had a lot of talks about friends lately. About how easy it is for you. How easy it is for Kenzie as well. How it may not be so easy for others. How you and Mackenzie need to be friendly with everyone, even if you aren’t their friends. I know by the time you read this, it won’t matter anymore. By then you will be an adult and you will have found your own way through life. I also know I can only make sure you know right from wrong. At some point I have to trust that you know the difference.

Your favorite show right now is, Jonas. The Jonas Brothers. How I wish they’d go away. Really, when you are over loving these little boys, I am going to forever remind you of how lame they were. Sorry sweetie, but they are horrible. They can’t sing or act. Yet, they seem to be EVERYWHERE. I keep my mouth shut now….okay mostly I keep my mouth shut. Dude, they wear skinny jeans. Boys who can’t sing or act, wearing skinny jeans. Enough said.

You love Playing Majong, probably as much as I love playing Bejeweled. Let’s just call it what it is, an obsession. We are obsessed. We sit on the couch sometimes, side by side, me on my laptop and you on your daddies laptop, playing computer games. Tonight you will open the gift that you have said you wanted all year, an iPod Touch. I wnet back and forth on it, but I know you are ready for it. You are responsible enough and frankly, you’ve earned it this year.

Mario Kart, after an entire year, is still your favorite Wii game. You beg me every day to let you read the Twilight books. I’m not going to give in yet. Maybe when you are nine. Just because you can read and understand it, doesn’t mean you are old enough.

Baby girl, your birth made me the person I am today. You made me a mother. You challenge me every day to be a better one. I could not be more proud of you if I tried. I know eight will be an amazing year for you. Know that whatever happens in life for the next year, you will always have me.

Enjoy being eight, okay? Enjoy each day. One day, I promise you, I’ll let you turn sixteen.

Happy birthday Morgan,

Love mama

**Mackenzie is Morgan’s best friend…since oh say in utero. I call her my niece often, because her parents and I have been friends since we were four years old. Kenzie’s birthday is December 27th.

This month is going to be a bit insane for me. We are going to a wedding on Saturday. I really need to finish my Christmas shopping on Sunday. Morgan turns eight on Monday. Her birthday party is the following Saturday. At some point we need to get a tree and finish decorating the house. I have Christmas cards that don’t seem to be writing themselves.

Oh and did I mention that I’m having people at my house from the 16th on? People who will want things. Like clean towels and bathrooms not growing things. Maybe food too. I am hosing Christmas for oh eighteen people. That is the current count at least. This is going to be a crazy month.

Today on Twitter I asked if anyone had any random things I could talk about. Because I doubt you all want to hear my running list of things I need to get done in the next 13 days. I loved the answers and plan on writing about some of that stuff soon.

What I thought I’d do is this: Ask me anything. Any random question, anything you are pondering, what you should get me someone for Christmas, anything you want to know about me. I promise to answer it all. I can’t promise how accurate the answers will be. But it could be entertaining. Think of me as a very talkative imaginative wordy Magic Eight Ball. Give it your best shot.

Question line is now open. Answers will most likely be given next week in a post or two, depending how many of you play along. Monday, I will have a post for my baby girl (dude, who let her get to be eight years old?), but after that, I promise to answer.

I was not popular. I had friends, so I guess I wasn’t considered super unpopular. However, some of my friends were considered popular. Maybe I was, by association? Nah. I just knew them forever. I was friends with them, because I met them at four years old. I wasn’t ever talked to by the popular friends of theirs, just by them.

That doesn’t make me popular, that makes me boring. We are like siblings. I talk to them often, but see them almost never. It’s okay, because we will always be friends. But it’s been lonely for a few years since I moved here. Since the friend who moved at the same time and I have gone our separate ways. She is the chick who gets invited to play dates, out for coffee, on child free adventures with other moms. I am not.  It’s lonely, I’ve been lonely. Might be why I started blogging again.

Where does being popular matter? Does it get you into a better school? No. Will it get you a better job? No. It gets you a lot of friends, I guess. But how many of them can you really count on in a crisis?

If you are popular, you can get the world to come to your party. You had the entire school sign your yearbook. Everyone is looking you up on Facebook; hoping beyond hope that your name hasn’t changed. That maybe, just maybe you will friend them back.

How many of them know your middle name though? Or which movies make you cry, no matter how often you see it? That you know the entire dialog to Ocean’s Eleven? How many will come bail you out of jail? Stop you in the middle of a conversation to tell you that you are being stupid? Will they all keep your kids for a day when you have the flu? Will they send a CD they made or a gift card for a Starbucks to you, because you are having a shitty day? Text you: good morning, I hope you have a great day, when they first get up? Call you and leave you a worried sounding message, when you’ve ignored three of their texts in one evening?

Maybe they do. Maybe some of them would. Then again, maybe they won’t. Being popular is a tricky thing. I know this, because I was friends with a few popular girls. My brother was extremely popular. Anything he did in high school, he had an entourage. He had more people at his graduation party than Ashton Kutcher has Twitter Followers. Okay, maybe not, but it seemed that way. However, when his finance left him last year, he couldn’t get but one friend to help him move. A friend he has gotten much closer to in the past year, since realizing what a true friend is. A friend who he invited to my house for Christmas. (Along with his girlfriend and the friends brother. Another story. Sheesh.) My brother with 200 contacts in his phone, could only get one friend to help him move, even though he’s helped a ton of them move before.

Online popularity is interesting. It’s fickle, it’s a bit weird, it’s possibly not what all of us think. I always find it uncool when people hate on the “popular” people online. It’s as if this is High School. The truth is though, the big name bloggers, have no way of keeping up. They have no way of seeing everything sent their way. I have trouble keeping up and I average 12 comments a post. It’s not always personal, in fact I doubt if it ever is. It’s just what it is. There are too many bloggers and not enough time in the day.

I will tell you quite truthfully, I “knew” some of them before. I started my first blog at the same time as some of them. The big name bloggers so many are afraid of. Some who find themsleves hated, the subject of much ridicule. Mostly, they are nice freaking people. A couple even followed me back on twitter. I don’t take it personal that the others didn’t. If I like you, I read your blog. When I have time, I comment. I can go weeks without though. Like I said, it’s all about time.

Some people, after BlogHer, said oh I saw this person, but I was afraid to say hi to them. They wouldn’t give me the time of day. COME ON NOW. We are bloggers. We talk about our personal life on the computer. We tweet about what we had for lunch, or what our baby’s fever is.

There is a person, a blogger, an amazing blogger who told me she didn’t say hi to me at BlogHer. That she sat behind me in a session and couldn’t make herself say hi. I told her then that I wished she had, because she was on my list of people I wanted to meet. It’s okay. I get being afraid, or uncomfortable. But being popular in some way, doesn’t make someone scary.

Maybe their is an unpopular person in each of us? Even the ones who are considered popular now.

I am not now, nor have I ever been, popular. I never got picked for teams. I don’t get picked for anything now. (Save for the community keynote at BlogHer, which was Anymommy’s doing.) I don’t write for any site except this one. I don’t get paid to blog. I don’t have thousands of followers on Twitter. I’ll tell you honestly that I think maybe 45 people read this site. Maybe 60 on a good day. It’s okay, I am thrilled that 45-60 of you find me entertaining enough to read at all.

I went over on my text messaging for the first time ever this month. I never needed unlimited texting, until the past month. I’ll be honest with you. It’s because my best friend got a phone a month or so ago that can text. She is the reason for this. It is all her fault. HA. I love that I now have a reason to have an unlimited texting plan. I love that I met her because of Twitter. I love that for the first time in years, I have a best friend.

I love the community I’ve made. I loved the community I was a part of before, with my previous blog. Mostly though, the people I talk to now, are different people. I’m okay with that.

What makes us popular doesn’t matter. What matters is why we do what we do. It makes my heart swell when I get emails from my friends. Texts from friends. I feel like, I finally have people who would notice if I disappeared. I feel like I have finally found my tribe, so to speak. My community of friends is amazing.

I’m not popular. I’m okay with not being popular. But it’s nice to feel like I have friends again.

-My great-aunt passed away on Wednesday night. She’d had a stroke the previous Friday and I decided not to mention it. It just didn’t feel right. Anyway, we didn’t stay for her funeral, which was yesterday. I did help plan it. It put a slight damper of the holiday. We decided to celebrate her life by doing it all anyway. She would have wanted us too. It did change the mood of the week though.

-We saw the world’s smallest skyscraper. Seriously. See?

It’s four stories high. It’s all small and tiny and cute. The story is this: at some point, lets say 100 years ago, although it may not have been that long ago. What? It’s my story. Anyway, this great businessman came to town. He told the town that he could build them the greatest, highest skyscraper in all of Texas. They looked over the plans, which looked amazing. He told them it would bring people from all over the world to see it. They could charge admission. They agreed and paid him his rate. He built it. They were outraged at how tiny it was. He told them that they’d signed the contract, they’d approved the plans, it wasn’t his problem. He left town. Turns out, the plans were exactly how he said they were. However, the town folks had not noticed that he’d used inches instead of feet in his measurments. It was clear as day on there, but in the excitement, they’d failed to notice it.

-We took roses to put on my grandparents and great-grandparents graves. Took us about 30 minutes to find them. Good thing we did too, since my grandpa’s middle initial is wrong on there. Nobody had noticed it when grandma passed last December.

-Football is a fierce subject in Texas. Doesn’t matter if it is the NFL or college. They don’t care where you live, if you are in Texas, you are a Texas fan. The end. To have a little fun, I pretended not to know a thing about football. I like seeing that vein in my uncle’s neck pop out.

-As a family, we all went and saw Blind Side on Saturday. See that movie. Trust me. It is phenomenal. I am now a Raven’s fan. I had to ask where they played and I don’t even care that I’ve never been to Baltimore. I am now a Raven’s fan. Everyone had a favorite line of the movie. We spent the following two hours at dinner discussing it. My favorite line? Tim McGraw plays the dad and he turns to his wife, played by Sandra Bullock, and says, “who’d of thought, we’d of had a black son, before we’d met a democrate?”  Cracked me up.

-My youngest cousin is seventeen years old. He’s a great kid. Funny, sweet, easy going. His girlfriend made him go see the Twilight movie on Friday night. I guess there is a part where the one buff guy rips off his shirt, when the girl is bleeding? Anyway, D stood up in the theater and said, WAS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?? Then he said to his girlfriend, H, don’t worry ALL GUYS look like that. I’m not sure D still has a girlfriend. If so, he owes her big time. He’d already been texting his dad and my husband for scores to the Texas vs. A&M game. Ha. Then again, a smart girl would have gone with her friends, not her boyfriend. Seventeen year old boys don’t care which vampire is hotter.

-The twelve hours in the car on the way to Texas was not so bad. Girls played nicely, read books, watched movies and listened to music. The boy managed to notice every, single bird that flew by; he napped for hours; he watched Cars and was generally a happy little dude. The way home to Texas took thirteen hours, but it felt like twenty-seven hours. The girls fought; with me, with each other. Batteries in iPods died. Movies were toooooo boring. This song is stupid, I don’t like this candy. On and on and on, it went. At 7am, the questions about how much longer started. The answer of ALL DAY AND STOP ASKING was only met with tears. Instead of napping, Harrison screamed and hit people. We had Cars on constand loop, just hoping he’d stop for ten minutes at a time. Then the last three hours, he choose to sob. Non-Stop. For three hours.

-Mostly though, we ate too much, we slept too little and we had a great week. How’d you guys do?

Maybe I do. Maybe to an outside person, that could be seen as true. I’ll tell you something though, I never say it if I don’t mean it. They are not just random words to me. I may say them all the time to people, but only people who I love.  I promise, you will never see me telling a bank teller that I love them.

I was a few months shy of nineteen when my friend Andrew took his own life. One thing, one small thing that comforted me, was that the night before, I’d spoken with him on the phone and I’d said, I love you, before I hung up. He’d said it back. Every time I got angry at the world or him for what he’d done, I remembered that. Small yes, but it helped me to heal. He knew I loved him and that in the end, is what matters.

When I was twenty-one, I was in a bad car accident. I called Logan, but he didn’t pick up the phone. I tried to call my mom, before I remembered that she was out of the country. Then I called my dad. I cried and cried. I was in pain. I was scared. I knew the car was totaled. He told me it would be okay. That Morgan wasn’t in the car. That I was okay. A ruined car didn’t matter, as long as I was okay. As he hung up, he told me he loved me. Twenty-one years old and that was the first time he said it to me first. He’d say, he loved me too, if I said it first. But he never just said it. My own dad never just told me he loved me. I have always known he loves me. I think. Mostly?

I was lucky though. I have an amazing mother. A mother who always told us she loved us. All dam day. Maybe she didn’t hear it enough as a child. I don’t know. As a teenager, if we’d fight before she’d drop me off at school, she’d scream it out the window. It was soooo embarrassing. I always knew though. I never questioned her love for me and my brothers.

I am like my mom. I tell my kids and my husband that I love them all the time. I end emails with it. I text it to my friends. I say it in comments and on Twitter. Sometimes multiple times a day. I never want there to be a question. I always want people to know that I love them.

There are no guarantees in life. We are not promised tomorrow, just today. On this holiday week, I plan on over using the words, I love you. They never get old. I never tire of saying it, nor hearing it.

My most overused words…well that’s okay with me.

I hope you all have a wonderful and safe holiday. Enjoy your family. Make sure they know you love them. Sometimes even if you think they know, it’s still nice to hear it. Trust me on this one. We’re leaving bright and early tomorrow morning. Driving 12 hours in a car. With three children. For 12 hours. Hold me.