Let’s face it I haven’t been blogging much. I’ve been able to say “Im busy” or “Work is crazy” or something else for an excuse.

The truth is it’s all about anxiety … I’m just scared to blog. I don’t really know what I’m scared of. I like my readers, I like writing, I love blogging friends, I like blogging in general, but every time I sit down to write I’m terrified of putting words in the post.

Anxiety is reality of my life that pops up in the strangest places, even places I find comfort. For me lately that’s been in the things I find comfort and I’m happy doing. Extreme anxiety has been consuming my life for almost 9 months and I’m trying to stay afloat.

But anxiety is one of those things you don’t talk about. The things that you keep hidden and “deal with” because “everyone’s anxious.” That despite dealing with anxiety disorder for over half my life I forget that is more than just being a little nervous or a bit scared.

Anxiety takes work to deal with on a day-to-day basis. It means struggling to get out of bed not because you’re depressed but you’re scared of what the day may hold. Breathing to try and prevent panic walking through daily tasks. And wanting to call back into bed at the minute everything seems like something going wrong, because it feels safe. For me anxieties just being scared of the unknown that happens everyday.

So you see I want to be blogging,I want to be on Twitter, I want to be talking my friends and doing the things I used to do, but I’ve been struggling to face the day one minute time. Anxiety is the real deal no matter how it manifests in life. The key is to acknowledge it, keep working on it and do something about it. For me just means talking with my counselor and working with my medication (for on my diagnosis).

I want to run and hide but I know it’s important also talk with friends. Friends are always the greatest support network and I need friends at this moment. So here I am sharing the scary part, what’s been happening for the last several months. This is not the eloquent post I wanted to write but I needed to get it written piece because if didn’t I wouldn’t be able to write it at all.

Wow this feels open and raw but it’s exactly what I need. I need to be real instead of waiting for real to appear. I have anxiety and that’s been the biggest thing for the last several months here I am sorry I have been absent. But working on me is important so here I am, anxieties and all.

Meet Riley…

He’s my new little guy. Technically he’s not so new because we adopted him from friends the day after Christmas. He was like a Belated Christmas present and early birthday present wrapped into one.
He’s my little buddy, always curled up to make me feel special – even if I wake up with him almost on my face. He’s been a big source of smiles these last few months when I really needed it. I’m finishing up the post to share what has been going on because its important to me to share. But until then enjoy some more Riley…I know I do.

I love all that glitters…okay well I love jewelry.  It’s one of the girly things I started paying attention to in college to pair with my jeans, sweat jacket with my hair pulled back into a pony tail so I would look more put together.  It worked and I was hooked.  I started collecting a new pair of earrings, a ring or a necklace each trip I made to the mall.  Then as my love of fashion and fun grew so did my collection.

I’m careful with what I buy because I don’t fall apart quickly.  I don’t love gold and diamonds so I can find beautiful things without extravagant costs, but I want quality and things that stand out as “Me.” I can only wear my wedding set with my uniform for work so I take pride in what I wear on other days.  It’s all about the quality over the quantity.My days of buying junk jewelry for the sake of having something are gone.  Now I focus on things I really love and enjoy searching for a new set or earrings or necklace I will want to wear every day.

I guess that’s the reason I made #4 on my new list Buy Two Unique Pieces of Jewelry from Etsy.  I search and pin from Etsy all day so why not buy unique pieces designed and handcrafted by one of the shop owners?

I’m happy to say my first custom jewelry experience was with RedStar5 Designs owned by my friend Meegan.  I saw her fabulous jewelry at Fitbloggin’ last year but missed out on purchasing a piece.  I wanted to ask her to design me a piece but my anxiety always held me from pushing the send button the email.  So when she blogged about starting an Etsy shop I direct messaged her about creating a custom piece immediately.  It was perfect and I was so excited.

Meegan has many one of a kind designs using natural stone and beads in her shop to purchase it was so hard to even think of which I would purchase.  So when designing something just for me she was even more wonderful in helping me figure out what I wanted.  Honestly I had no idea.  She asked me several questions to get an idea before designing.

• Longer or shorter?
• Gold or silver?
• Color or neutrals?
• Symmetrical or Asymmetrical?
• Specific type of outfits I want to wear it with?
• Favorite stones or beads?

A few emails and questions answered and I let Meegan go to work.  When she’d completed the necklace she sent proof photos for my approval and I giggled with glee at my desk.  The necklace was gorgeous…you’ll get to see it, just wait a minute.  She asked if I wanted any adjustments and gave me examples of standard necklace length.  Meegan made an adjustment to the length by adding a few jade beads to the ends and an extender to the clasp for my wide collar bones so I can wear it shorter or longer.  The result was this stunning asymmetrical necklace in blues, greens and yellows that I just cannot take off or stop looking at.  Working with Meegan as an artist brought together a necklace I would never have dreamed up but love and wear all the time.

I wear it so often because it starts conversations.  It’s unique and beautiful and me.  The stones are all stand out yet work together and make me love them even more with each outfit I wear.  The package arrived with a wonderful red star on the front and in a padded mailer to prevent damage.  Inside was my design wrapped up in a bow and a sweet note from Meegan.  The hints of her Red Star 5 are there without being overwhelming.  If you read post I just linked I’m happy to help her fill that cup.

This necklace was about more than just completing a part of a 101 goal…it was a reward for taking care of me and focusing on my needs over the previous 6 months.  I’m notorious for focusing so much on others I neglect myself.  I’ve done that so many times with our moving and starting this new position and setting up house and finding new doctors, gym, vet…well you get the picture.  I’d put myself on the back burner and it showed in my body and my soul.  Each time I wear this necklace it’s a great reminder of my personal worth.  I’m worth the time it takes to make something beautiful.  I’m worth the time it takes to make me happy.  I’m worth the time it takes to sit still just for a moment and enjoy me.  I love the workmanship in this necklace and reach for it again and again…and I love the reminder when I look in the mirror to love me because I’m worth it. 

*I was not compensated in any manner for this review.  I contacted Meegan about designing this piece of jewelry and paid the standard price for a custom designed piece.  I just love it so much and wanted to share it and her Etsy shop with you.*

I was a Girl Scout when in elementary school and early middle school; jamborees, cookies and all. And now I teach Salvation Army Sunbeam And Girl Guard troops earning life skills badges. But some days I wish I could earn the badges myself and place them on a satchel. Because let’s face it a sash is not too practical for an adult lifestyle but I carry many different satchels and bags around daily. Heck I’ve even collected patches from places I’ve visited to add to a bag as a reminder of my travels. (I also collect Christmas ornaments too).

I’m searching for the perfect laptop satchel for my work things before I attach them all.  And I also want to find some for places I visited but couldn’t find a shop to purchase a patch.  I love these.

So it’s fun to have goals and adventures and also earn rewards for achieving things as a 31 year old. It’s a reminder to me to keep growing. That’s why I love Life Scouts. Admittedly I watch far too much YouTube and this is the brainchild of Alex Day and he explains it a bit more in this video. Basically no matter what platform you use – WordPress, Blogger, Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube – tell your story of how you earned the badge and link back to the original badge post.

No specific requirements on how big or small your accomplishment…just getting out there and doing things as an adult. New badges are added weekly so I’m excited to share the ones I’ve earned and plan adventures or goals for others. You can even order actual pin badges in recognition of completing a task and use it to start a conversation to tell you story.

What life events would you like recognition for?

The first I want to share is….

See the Sunrise

I’m not much of a morning person but on occasion I’ve enjoyed watching the sunrise…and not just when I’ve been up all night in college.  My favorite memory of a sunrise was on a weekend trip to Portugal during my study abroad.  Yes, during college…but I planned this event because of the beautiful setting. 

We were staying in a hostel right on the beach in Portugal where we had jumped off cliffs the day before and walked on the sand.  Before my college friends traveling with me woke up, I walked down to the beach.  That morning I was bundled up in a college hoodie and jeans against the cooler winds blowing in from the ocean.  Just the day before the beach was full of vacationers sunbathing and swimming and laying in the shade when the height of the sun was just too hot.

Between the two rocks cliffs my friend had dared each other to jump off of, the sun rose over the horizon as the food and drink stands began to open behind me.  Smells of great Portuguese breakfasts with toast, ham and cheese (before I knew my stomach hated me and good food) and a strong cup of coffee.  I stood up to buy something to eat and quiet my stomach that was becoming louder than the waves.  It was delicious as I walked home watching the sun move up from the water and into the sky.  The beach would soon be full of people and I was headed back to our hostel to put on my bathing suit with some capris and a t-shirt to join them for a day of fun with friends after a gorgeous morning.

Now I need to order my badge

What is your favorite memory of watching the sunrise?  *Be sure to link to the Life Scouts Badge for it.*