I TOLD ON YOU

England gets me, why can't you America??

2011-12-07T16:02:00.001-08:00

Observations: Professional party blagger

By Arifa Akbar

He is the man who has infiltrated 1,001 Hollywood parties. Evan Matthew, a Beverly Hills-born über-blagger, has spent a lifetime gatecrashing the hottest gatherings across the world – most recently the Venice Film Festival's opening night reception at the Excelsior hotel, where he ate a lavish dinner alongside the likes of Claudia Schiffer, Tilda Swinton and the Coen brothers.

I saw him sauntering through the beachside venue, throwing nods of mutual recognition to Hollywood royalty before he landed at my table. Having been born on the wrong side of the tracks, he worked as a reporter for Star magazine before realising that he had a Midas touch for blagging. The turning point came when he duped the security fortress of the Vanity Fair Oscars after-party some years ago with a fake entry badge that he made himself.

A career in A-list gatecrashing followed, then a documentary by American film-makers, and now, so adept is he at the big blag, Matthew is apparently bringing out a book in November that will reveal all his secrets. The blag, he said, consists of a well-fitting tux, lots of charm and very little else.

So, was I going on to the Coens' after-party? he enquired. I am sure he would have been very happy to escort me there, had I had a formal invitation. When he realised that I was not the hot ticket he had hoped for, he glided away, showering me with his effortless brand of Californian charm as he went.

Arguing Animals Allowed on Airplanes (AAAA)

2011-11-15T15:18:00.001-08:00

A North Carolina couple is suing AirTran Airways, alleging that cockroaches crawled out of air vents and overhead carry-on bins during a flight from Charlotte to Houston in September.
Attorney Harry Marsh and his fiancé Kaitlin Rush say the insects appeared soon after takeoff, and when Marsh pointed them out to flight attendants, they did nothing to help. "These roaches and other pests caused great distress to a number of passengers throughout the flight," the complaint states. All paying guests of the airline are entitled to "clean, pest-free" accommodations, it goes to to say. The couple

accuses AirTran of negligence and recklessness, infliction of emotional distress, nuisance, false imprisonment and OH WHO GIVES A FUCK? YOU ARE AN ANIMAL THAT THE COCKROACH IS LIKE 'WHAT'S THIS DUDE DOIN' ON MY FLIGHT?" This trend of complaining against a "lower" class of travel has got to stop. Next we are going to ask that no chickens are allowed on board the bus in Guatemala. And then they'll repeal the term "chicken bus" and replace it with the words "people pod" just like they did to the Cleveland Indians. I flew an airline once that had a snake on it. There was a snake on the plane. Wow, something about that just sounds like a good idea to invest money in.. hmm. I hope Airtran wins by claiming the "stowaway defense" because they were nice enough to let all the plaintiffs in this suit fly 5 miles above the ground in their space ship! Ungrateful North Carolina couples!

PS - Tom Cruise is NOT gay.

2011-11-10T17:30:00.001-08:00

God bless the fucking internet!

It allows simultaneously learning of Jessica Simpson's filled ovum while streaming me amazing college football in another window.
And of course has the time to squawk about it to you. Oh internet, you overnode me and I like it.

DecomPreCom

2011-10-31T13:57:00.001-07:00

My favorite part is at minute 2:45 when Michelle Rodriguez gets off the bus and takes a bow when the art car arrives and the Wet Slippery Lotus Pussy (which we hear Rosario Dawson did a sultry dance thru dribbling pussy lips this year)

I rarely do these notes because...

2011-03-06T15:25:00.000-08:00

no one ever reads them. But I found this reading something I never thought I would and it is worth reading:

peeing in the closet < almostgay > 03/06 08:45:08

last night i almost
pee in the closet
pee in the closet
my wife pulled me out
she pulled my short up
and i pee in my shorts
pee in my shorts
she said she is tired
of living with a drunk
drunk always drunk
she said
she is going to leave me
she said
she is going to take her love
and leave me
leave me
what am i going to do
without her
without her
who is going to stop me
stop me from peeing
in the closet
peeing in the closet

For an Evan update, I am also including A PHOTO OF ME WORKING OUT IN KINGS BEACH LAKE TAHOE, CA ON MAR 5 (NOT BAD FOR 35!?

)

A Sundance Tradition

2011-01-28T18:38:00.000-08:00

Jeff Lebowski

The Jeff Lebowski is a friend of mine.
I see him every January full of mirth and wine.
Now that sentence may blow your mind
But Jeff Dude the Dowd is a friend of mine

And now he has ruined my Friday night - by sending me this clip of the end

The Dude has put me into a fright - Suspension of Disbelief he You Tubed

Now I have watched this trailer 4 times in a row
Each rewind tells me something I didn't know
I keep clicking so I don't see The End

Duuuude....you ruined my Friday night flow!

Three Rubber Ducks

2011-01-28T17:40:00.000-08:00

By Evan Matthew

And all the Rubber Ducks have their heads up. But then they sit down. And they see they are all the same ducks by their webbed duck feet.

There was Black Duck - dusty and white, but Black and Plucky Ducky like only black can embolden.

There was Pinky still looking Slinky after three more years blinging it White so your duck won't afright.

And Superman was there too - blue toed Toes defying any foe!

So the three Ducks, Phu, Me, and You, talked of Garni and a Rubber Duck snafu!

Say it ain't so - I'd hate to see your duck go.

Your shoe company gives us all flow.

- By EVAN MATTHEW, Senior Reporter, Star Magazine

Sundance 2011 - The Year we Breathe

2011-01-24T09:13:00.000-08:00

Sundance, Utah. The sun is shining yet snowflakes the sizes of potato chips are smacking me in my Giant Vintage sunglasses. Documentary filmmaker Michael Moore is standing in the middle of the street and calling someone a dirty word with his voice turned up just a little loudly. Women are underdressed, men don't have to shave, and we all bow down to the powerful tent pole that Robert Redford has staked in Utah. This is the Dance.

The celebrities gave Sundance its big push opening weekend as Park City, Utah filled up with Hollywood's shiniest stars.

I started Saturday, January 22 at the Burton House where they buried me like a powder avalanche in Burton's hottest new gear. At the Burton House, celebrities and festival VIPs were hosted at a private chateau off of Main Street where they were geared up and experienced private lessons with professional snowboarders. Martin, a Park City resort, took me, ESPN anchor @jamesswanwick, and Radio God @bradblanks on the mountain and with 7 inches of fresh powder on the ground, it was a great day.

With my psychic powers of celebrity hunting in full swing, I camped out at Kari Feinstein’s Style Lounge and sat in my newly gifted Obermeyer ski parka only to see Paul Rudd's manly locks across the street. I ran over to the House of SWAGG over at the Samsung Galaxy Tab Lift and got some amazing face time with Elizabeth Banks, who Park City yokels still can only remember as Miri and they ask her if she wants to make a porno. Lay off the open bar, local yokels!

Inside the Samsung Galaxy Tab lounge, the rep for Lia Sophia jewelry insisted that I pick up an amazing Daft Punk-ish, ring for myself while also sending early mother's day presents home with me and @jamesswanwick

I go through shoes quickly at Sundance cuz of all the snow and salt on the street, so I headed up to the Puma FaasLab and Stella Artois Café to get some new kicks and ran into 127 Hours' James Franco. James' people (think physical trainers on a schedule in a gym) informed me that he is on a tight schedule. That did not stop Sundance's hottest hunk from kicking it leisurely at the PlayStation Green Lounge where he joined Susan Sarandon and Zooey Deschanel who customized their PlayStation 3 gaming machines.

After all of that gifting my arms, my arms were getting tired and I had forgotten to eat all day, so I headed over to Chefdance. Chefdance is an elaborate luxury dining experience and the food was amazing! My favorite was the beet salad dipped in a Graham cracker pudding.

I woke up Sunday morning in front of a fireplace at Deer Valley chateau, and after 4 hours sleep I was recharged and ready to reload. I headed over to the Oakley Learn to Ride Fueled by Muscle Milk event and pounded some of their amazing coffee flavored, lactose free beverages. Cisco Adler was already kicking it at the Oakley lounge and picked up DC shoes, New Era hats, Continental Tires, and 901 Tequila - for breakfast! After that liquid breakfast, I walked over to the TR Suites and got my wisp of hair some love with Keratin Complex and more jewelry love from the good people at Yazmin & Jazmim. I told them this would be my engagement ring if I ever got a girlfriend!

The only thing that was keeps me moving are my Rubber Duck moon boots (www.rubberduck.com) which handled the snow like gangbusters! These cool shoes are becoming a Sundance staple and I learned about them from Mariah Carey, who is an Aspen regular and my personal moon boot advisor. I moved a little faster because I was rocking out to my next interviews music on my Nokia N8 smart phone with my Klipsch headphones.

I "ducked" over to the House of Hype LIVEstyle Lounge where 50 cent gave me a ten minute interview where he stroked my arm 5 times. HE was the one wearing the green velour jacket but I strictly adhere a "no touching the talent" rule! I asked him why he spends so much of his money making movies, and he looked at me like I was crazy and told me to "look around." Point taken Fitty.

Big music acts are coming into the Bing lounge, but they don't want press, so we will oblige. We still love you Donavon!

This year's biggest addition to Sundance was the infusion of amazing music by Spingroup studdess Kim Koury who brought amazing bands for Koffeehouse sessions. What a difference it makes to have rocking bands wailing while you interview Sketchers about their newest insole!

The dichotomy of all this swag packaging and beautiful nature made me want to go over to the Alive Expo Green Pavilion where I learned about eco-friendly plates, reusable bags, and a water bottle that makes H2O taste good - a breath of fresh air!

Shaking a little from celebrity withdrawal, I headed over to the closest gifting house to be with my beautiful people. It turned out to be the Superdry Experience where I shook a tail feather with Penn Badgely, Adrian Grenier, Danny Masterson, Cisco Adler, Anton Yelchin and Danny Masterson.

Sunday night is something of denouement in Sundance because most journalists file their stories Monday morning and I was no exception. I closed the evening with friends The Honey Brothers, a band comprised of Adrian Grenier, Ari Gold, DS Posner, Ethan Gold and Andrew Vladeck at the Downstairs Bar. As we danced into Monday, I reflected on the film industry's spinning machine and embraced it. Turning the dial to reload the Spin Cycle, I'm Evan Matthew.

Sitting in a Canyon

2010-12-01T18:06:00.000-08:00

My thoughts were twerked and online aroused by the sweet sweet air while I was sitting in a canyon. My fingers typed to my eyes' delight the familiar faces that surrounded him. My love is here, in the air, through favors that were once wishes. I left them in the tree so high that God would listen above the sky. Perhaps today I am too high perched above my ole tree's top., The wish will sink underneath my weight and the favors I ask will carry a heavy gait. Whisk whip into the canyon my thoughts toward the 101 things that I thought I had but left where I call home

Nokia - still alive!!! But they just don't care about us silly Americans....

2010-10-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

So this just arrived

Not sure what to make of it. I am not in a relationship right now and I am not sure I am ready to have something this sexy just laying around near my pillow at night.

I have been reviewing Nokia products for 7 years now, but nothing has spoken to me like the N8. Nokia has rocked my world plenty in the past.

With the N95 in 2004 with built in GPS and 5 megapixel camera (unheard of at that time when 0.3 cameras were the norm)

And then again in 2007 with the N86 which somehow beat everyone to the punch with an 8 megapixel camera with Carl Zeiss lenses and 32 GB onboard with a 32 GB SanDisk memory card. Not too mention that is was one sexy damn black sleek machine.

The 2010 release of N8 now puts the power of a 12 megapixel camera in my hand and a 100 GB mp3 player that, oh yeah, also happens to stream High-Def videos with an HDMI output into any crappy Hotel Room TV. Umm, I'm blow away.

Ear Ache

2010-04-02T16:28:00.000-07:00

They are yelling at me.

Not today. I know it's your right. Just not today.

Vowels are screeching all around me. The pitch of a child with the lungs of squat soprano bellows through her breast and pierces my eyeballs. Hey easy gait dopplers her bellowing so that one woman agitates me repeatedly.

I need coffee. If I could only hear that word amongst the squawking. If only there was a pause and a silence and the sweet ripple of that brown liquid floated to my ears. Only that noise can muffle this pain.

The young girl with the pink, brown, yellow, and white sugar cookies at her head squawks her wears when she sees my gangly tall head with my Gringo baseball cap on. Her pleading eyes search for the respite I gave them just two days ago when I welcomed her sugar calls and rewarded them with coins. Today she second squawks quieter - sensing disdain behind my sunglasses.

Oh poor baby. Yes! Some days, most days, are a yes! I love how you approach me in the street, on the bus, in my house, in a fancy restaurant and offer me your wears. I keep an ear open for you inkling for new and exciting offerings.

Just not today. My head hurts.

The Power of Pssst

2010-04-02T10:23:00.000-07:00

The human mouth is capable of so many delectable activities. We tweet, we chirp, we slurp, barble, babble, and gurgle. But nothing, and I mean nothing my friends, comes close to the power of the Central American "Pssssssst."

You hear it everywhere. It is a word. A command. A question. And in its core, a beckoning. It says: Look my way. "Psssst" is a command for a child on a busy street not to stray too far from its parent. It is a long distance noise used across a loud supermarket for a husband to tell a wife he found the cheap butter. The noise can be made by young Cabelleros looking for their cowgirl in a passing street crowd - not caring which girl answers. The secretive whisper of it classicly embues the fact that someone has something to tell only to you. The insistent slush of letters by a stranger usually means he has drugs to offer you and by the harshness of the "P" you can indicate the harshness of the profferred drugs. The noise is never used in quiet or between intimate lovers. It is a noise that lifts the needle off the record of your daily audio to introduce a new beat.

The Power of "Pssst" is an individual's blog entry - a shout to the world - a command that can only be ushered once and if greeted with a favorable, accepting eye, "Pssst" may be the most inviting noise you ever needed to hear.

The Blog Bog

2010-04-01T08:22:00.000-07:00

SO I have become big on stealing. Ideas that is. Physical property has a right and an ownership close to divinity. But when it comes to intellectual spawning once it's out in the universe, it's mine for reinterpretation.

With that verve in mind, I perused some great blogs in search of inspiration of what mine should encumber. I wasn't looking for content or form - I needed to see meaning in others' words. A reason that they take the time to type on their keyboards to an invisible audience.

I started close to home and found inspiring features coming from http://misserika.tumblr.com who shared many an adventure in Thai Thai and beyond. Her articles were informative about Thai culture and she was able to hesitate, where I indulge, in dithering on how Thai culture compares with "normal" world. Readers know what normal world is! Miss Erika is conveying her Thai world as the norm and giving people a much better look down the rabbit hole.

The information I have to tell my audience can range from massive scoop (like I saw Matt McConnacocky giving a whoo who to a joe joe in Nicaragua) or obscure food posts that ramble on for hours (only sushi is really deserving of this). So in hopes of disseminating what to blog about and what to keep to myself, I turned to the master of content. My friend Blanksie. His blog, http://blog.bradblanks.com/, has so many tidbits of celebrity goss that Tabloid editors eat his Twitters for breakfast. But with a new baby and young marriage, Blanksie shows me that while one entry can be about George Clooney's milk mustache he might show just as much gusto describing his son's stash as well.

Now that I am learning what I care about to write, hopefully my caring and not just filling of content will show in future entries.

A good bad sign

2010-03-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

Well..been on the road now for 50 days.

Something about Nica makes me want to stay.

But I don´t - I ramble

To the beach, the volcano, back to the beach by the volcano, up the volcano to overlook the beach

And then Granada

I get off the bus early

¨No No No!¨yells the bus driver.

But I ignore him as he speeds up and forces me to jump off the moving vehicle a 20 lb pack on

I walk - I see a hotel - I stop - $45 a night - nope

But I ask a whitey lady in my broken Spanish:

(Tu trabajo aqui?)

She says: Do you work here?

No. Do you work here?

You asked ´Do I work here?´´

Well, do I?

Funny. I am looking for an intern.

And like that I met Melissa from Conneticut.

I now rent her house - 4 rooms including kitchen annd yoga deck

I start teaching her neighbor English manana as well as observing and apprenticing the alligator (its actually a cousin of the alligator) purse factory he lives in with 13 family members

Melissa got me a bike, a yoga studio membership, and has asked me to have coffee every morning with her 101 year old grandmother who still runs a coffee stall on the corner and will only charge me 2 cord (10 cents) for coffee and bread every morning

Granada is not any idea of paradise I ever thought of ..but its where I am

PS - 10 feet after walking out of Melissa´s house and telling her I would ´think about it´my Keen sandal shoe broke in half. I am not a huge believer in signs but the fact that the shoe broke and I didn´t want to walk away made me do an about face and smile with laughter to a new friend. 8)

Promise?

2010-03-20T12:15:00.000-07:00

Volcano boarding

2010-03-20T12:14:00.000-07:00

Those orange jumpsuits saved a lot of trips to the infirmary

Two tone church

2010-03-20T12:11:00.000-07:00

On Sunday they opened up the gates but my Jew senses were tingling so I held off

Birds of a Feather

2010-03-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

35 cents will take you anywhere you want to go in Nicaragua

2010-03-20T12:08:00.001-07:00

2010-03-20T12:08:00.000-07:00

Now that my head gasket on my car at home has gone I am considering riding this thing up the Pan American highway

Leon

2010-03-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

Way behind but still up front

2010-03-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

From guat

Been getting behind on my updates. 3 countries. A couple hundred miles. And 48 hours of travel will do that to ya. Guat Belize back to Guat. There is so much to show and so little time.
For now, enjoy this tuk tuk ride in Guat City!

Goodbye Tica, Hello Guat - Feb 26 Vlog

2010-02-26T12:51:00.000-08:00

Last day in Costa Rica was full of Tranquilo

A strolling video blog

2010-02-25T13:10:00.000-08:00

Walking is a luxury. I have been told that the locals will "look at me funny" if I enjoy a pedestrian stroll in the taxi/moto/zoom zoom town. Gettin my struts in while I can, I guess?!?

Video Blog entry for Feb 23, 2010

2010-02-24T13:33:00.000-08:00

And the answer to the question is..no! I don't know when I will be shaving off zee beard!