It's A Funny Old World

Busman's Holiday.......

2009-04-03T12:53:00.002+01:00

As we enter the Easter break all ideas of having a peaceful time have already gone.
Next week I am helping a friend with her busines website, over the Easter weekend I am filming at a stunt bike show making an advert for another mate and then for the rest of the break I am filming "the Last Victim" a thriller based in north Manchester. A lot of work but at least it's something I enjoy doing.
Recently a student asked me to put together a video of one of her songs to go one Youtube, link is at the bottom. This video from setting up the equipment, doing loads of takes and them editing it and lip synching and compressing it for Youtube was done in under 5 hours. Anybody in the know will tell you that is quuite fast.

Dude, Where's my De Lorean?....

2009-03-25T13:15:00.005Z

It's the time of year to update our equipment resources and I have emailed the rest of the department to see if anyone had any ideas or equipment that needs to be bought in. One reply I got was for a flux capacitor, obviously for someone who can't find enough hours in the day. Surprisingly there is an actual site that claims to be selling this item and it can be found at;
http://www.shopneo.co.uk/flux-capacitor-free-shipping--pr-16735.html
The product reviews are definately worth a read.

I Need A Car....

2009-03-10T09:15:00.005Z

This morning one of the 6 buses a day I catch was late thus I arrived in the town centre in time to see bus number 2 pulling out without me. If everything goes right I normally get to work 40 minutes early but when I miss bus number 2 this means I will be 15 minutes late due to traffic.
Before anybody says "you voted against the congestion charge so it's all your own fault" can I point out this journey goes away and outside the failed planned zone.
The up side of being stuck in traffic on bus number 3 is I get the chance to read all of the Metro newspaper, the down side is I end up listening to people talking bollocks. Listening to two pimply male teenagers discussing skin care products made me want to rip my own spleen out and then one of them said he was getting grief off his tutor for being late all the time. His logic was if this bus ran on time he would not be late and getting the earlier one would just make him early and not on time.
The point were I wanted to just throw him out of the emergency exit was when he said "I am giving blood for the first time next week and they give you all these rules you have to pass first. Do you know they won't let you give blood if you have a sexually transmitted disease. I think they are making these rules up".
I kid you not.
I wonder if I can sue First Bus for forcing me to listen to this crap.

Victimised.......

2009-03-09T09:53:00.003Z

I know I have been neglecting the blog again but I have been a bit busy not only at my day job but also on a new project.
A friend of mine introduced me to a friend of hers who is making a short film in our area. If everything comes off OK she will be getting a job in Hollywood. But the Yanks want to see some recent work of hers so she has written a short thriller and is getting people to help film it.
One problem, we have no budget for equipment, locations, costumes etc. But the thing is that because of the importance of this project the number of people who have volunteered time, skills, homes, offices, bars, dogs etc to the film is amazing.
I am doing camera and editing and last night spent an hour and a half pacing round Brambles Bar with the director discussing the opening scene which will last approx 1 minute.
Filming of "The Next Victim" start the first week of the Easter break and is going to take up a lot of my time.
P.S. we still need a lift interior and a tall office block if you know where there is any going in the North Manchester area.

An Amazing Story,....

2009-02-03T09:05:00.006Z

What follows is an amazing true story of determination in the face of abismal weather conditions that happened on the east coast over 125 years ago, read on.

WHITBY, YORKSHIRE 19 January 1881
After several days of heavy snowfall, at 10.30 am on 19 January 1881 Captain Robert Gibson, Harbour Master at Whitby, received a telegram to say that a ship had sunk off Robin Hood's Bay and that her crew had taken to the ship's boat, but had been forced to drop anchor. They were unable to reach land because of very heavy seas. The severity of the wind and the seas at Whitby made it impossible for the Whitby Lifeboat to be launched and sailed around to Robin Hood's Bay so the Lifeboatmen decided to take the lifeboat the 6 miles overland to Robin Hood's Bay and launch from there. No mean feat over very narrow roads and across moorland some 500 feet above sea level in drifting snow up to 7 feet deep in places.
About 60 Whitby men were given shovels and began digging to clear the snow from the roads. Horses were hitched to the lifeboat carriage and the "Robert Whitworth" set out on her journey. Eventually some 200 men joined in the snow clearance work. Additional horses were obtained from farmers on the way, eventually numbering 18. Men from Robin Hood's Bay started from their end clearing the snow and after 2 hours the lifeboat descended the very steep hill into the village.
The crew of the lifeboat had been involved in the digging but, tired though they were, they then manned the boat and set out to rescue the stranded sailors. Before they could reach them 6 of the boat's oars and the stearing oar were smashed by a heavy wave and they had to return to shore. Whilst the oars were being replaced Cox Henry Freeman asked for volunteers to double bank the oars and the lifeboat set out with 18 men on board and after an hour and a half managed to reach the sailors in the small boat, landing them at Robin Hood's Bay at 4pm. The six rescued crew members (from the Whitby Brig "Visitor") all needed medical attention as did some of the lifeboat crew.
Now that's what I call getting to work in adverse weather.
I hope Boris Johnson gets to read this.
Source: http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/jackie_sanders/lifeboat.htm

Winter Wonder? Land...

2009-02-03T08:33:00.005Z

So we had a bit of snow yesterday and London came to a halt. Why? I noticed on the news that people couldn't get to work but had no problem getting to the park with the kids. One woman was going on about how difficult it was on the roads while standing next to a road with free moving traffic.
The M25 was a car park, nothing new there then.
Buses couldn't move in the city but the drivers throwing snowballs at each other (and the news crew) seemed to have no problem getting to work. In fact the news crews were all over the place reporting how bad conditions were so they didn't have any problems.
we knew this weather was coming a week ago but London has shown us up again, can't wait for the Olympics.
Maybe the traffic chaos was caused by people having trouble with their Chelsea Tractors (4x4's) being fitted with road tyres and then expecting to drive as normal. Let's face it London is not a particularly hilly place now is it.
I'm sorry Boris but you let the country down by being ill prepared for something we knew was going to happen. You and all those skiving southern softies who sneaked a day off.
On a sadder note, two brothers died on Crib Goch in Snowdonia the other day. I know this place and it is a very dangerous ridge even in good conditions. I feel sorry for the family's loss but they were ill advised to attempt this journey given the weather warnings.

Crazy Fools!!!...

2009-01-31T14:47:00.004Z

My sources have informed me that a film version of The A-Team should be out for release some time in 2010. Why can't the leave it alone. Next thing it will be The Iceland advert The Movie with Halle Berry playing Kerry Katona.

Bury Times, They Are A Changing....

2009-01-28T13:33:00.004Z

The Bury Times is a local newspaper that has seen so much slimming down over the recent years that it became positively anorexic. Newqust, the American owners, have decided to get rid of some of the key staff and moved practically all the rest to their Bolton office. The printing of the BT won't be affect the lads at the Bolton press because it has been closed down they have been made redundant and it is being printed somewhere in Wales!! Meanwhile the Bury Times is being printed in Glasgow!!
Newsquest own over 300 local newspapers and this is not the first instance of them cutting back and it won't be the last, so if you work for Newsquest it may be a time to start looking for a new job.
My mate Simon has set up a Keep The Bury Times In Bury group on Facebook and it has amassed over 700 members and still rising. Members include MPs MEPs journalists PR people and many ordinary people local and abroad. search it out on Facebook for lots more info.
Latest addition to the things people say:
Girl playing on a pub quiz machine: Napoleon......That a type of ice cream.
I honestly do not make these up.

Fame at last....

2009-01-28T13:21:00.003Z

I have been asked if I minded my blog being used as a teaching aid so as I said OK I suppose I should keep it up to date.
My mate Simmy has got a new hobby, it is kick boxing. The other night he was showing off his new moves after a beer or two and the result was Simon getting a bust lip, Me getting a whack on the nose and a bruised knee and Simmy landing on his backside in the middle of the street breaking his finger. So a good time had by all.
I have finished my rant on the congestion charge only to mention that Firstbus had a plan in place in case it didn't go through, they put the prices up by 10.8%. Nice move.
I finaly got a joke on my mobiles that actually funny opposed to sexist or racist so here it is.
Saudi Arabia TV are having second thoughts on showing The Flintstones on television over there. They think that people in Dubai would not understand the humour but Abu Dabi do.
Later.

Congestion Charge Update. Gutted..

2008-12-12T12:55:00.002Z

The votes are in on the "Going To Work Tax" have been counted and the answer is NO!
Firstbus shareholders must be gutted that they can't take £1200 per year off people who are not as well off as they are.
53.2% of the people voted so a good turn out. It just goes to show that people could see through the lies we were fed and the fact that this was not thought through properly.
Incidentally Edinburgh voted against the congestion charge as well but they still got their tram system and the most you pay for a bus ticket is £1.10 whereas the minimum you can pay around here is £1.20 and that will get you approx 3 stops.

Feeling Congested pt3 It's going to get you.....

2008-11-14T12:49:00.004Z

I recently heard that there was a meeting on Tuesday night where it was said that if the 'going to work tax' does not raise enough money to pay back the loan then the congestion charge would be introduced to other towns in the area. So if you are one of the people who doesn't work in Manchester and think that the charge would not affect you then think again.
If this is intorduced to my town then we would have to pay six times each day. Once to get to the motorway, then again when we leave the motorway and then to enter the city, then the same on the way home. Where we live it is impossible to get to the motorway without crossing the town centre. We would all like a cheap, efficient public transport system but to be honest the system doesn't work at the level it is at now. Expand the system, expand the problems. two breakdowns on the tram system this week alone that I know of.

Feeling Congested pt2 "Just say NO!"

2008-11-14T12:21:00.004Z

It's nearly time to vote on the 'going to work tax' and I am far from convinced that a Yes vote is right. They tell us that trams will run with two extra carraiges to make travel more comfortable for commuters. I recently caught a tram from inside 'the zone' and it was like squeezing into a sardine tin. I just got inside the doors and had to get off the tram at a number of stops in order to let other passengers off. It occured to me that there were a lot more people standing than sitting, so if you put on an extra two carraiges most people would get a seat but there would still be people standing. Not much of a problem you may think but TIF works with the idea that people would be put off driving their cars to and from work and get public transport instead. So when all these extra passenger get on the tram to stand with the others already on what do you get? A sardine tin.

In The Pink....

2008-10-23T14:00:00.003+01:00

It's cancer awareness day in the college so students are using this as an escuse to dress in pink. I didn't because I don't have anything pink so I told them my T shirt was khaki pink. Later when asked why I wasn't wearing pink I said "I am wearing my girlfriends underwear". Then after the initial response I added "No I'm not, that was last week"!!.

Student: "I look damn good in a TuTu".

It's been a while....

2008-10-21T09:11:00.003+01:00

Nothing much happening at the moment, the students are being boringly well behaved.
The only problems we have had so far this term are all IT based, so nothing new there and the strangest thing I've heard on the bus was a cat meowing all the journey in.
main topic of conversation is the vote on the Manchester congestion charge which I refer to as the "going to work tax". The referendum is happening soon on the largest (100 Sq miles) congestion charge area in Britian and it will cost some people £1200 a year just to go to work. The thing is I quite often travel inside the "zone" and all the congestion I see is outside the "zone". The people who work in Albert Square who make the decisions do not travel by public transport and will be exempt from the charge and if they were charged they would just claim it back on 'expenses'. when it comes to the vote go all Grange Hill and "Just say NO!".
Funniest student related thing lately was a lad who came in with his wrist strapped up. "What happened to you?" I ask. "9 hours of Xbox" was his reply. I think I will stick to Mob Wars on Facebook.

It really is a funny old world

2008-09-30T09:39:00.004+01:00

I was checking out the BBC news website this morning and the world really has gone mad. Margaret Thatcher (milk snatcher) has been voted greatest Tory ever. I remember her as the person who was kicked out (some countries call it a coupe) while she was on holiday. She also managed to find a war just when her popularity was waining. She put thousands out of work in the coalfields and don't mention the Poll Tax.
At Manchester University things are just as bad. The SU has de-gendered the toilets. This means that people with a gender crisis problem won't have the conundrum of choosing whether to go the the male or female toilets, they can just choose between "toilets" and "toilets with urinals". I believe in the past these were known as Female and Male toilets. Waste of time, printing and money when we have so much more going on in the world so carry on wasting the Earths resources as long as people are told where they can pee.
The Tories want to give more help to "have a go heroes". Tell this to the family of Frank McGarahan who died on the streets of Norwich when he went to help two people being attacked. More police on the streets and not sat in front of monitors watching streetcams is what we need, and judging by the couple of coppers I saw in my home town at the weekend they could do with the exercise.
And to finish off todays stupid student comment:

Student: Have you got that stapler?
Me: You didn't ask for one.
Student: I did yesterday.
See ya later.

Big Bang in Theory

2008-09-10T12:00:00.005+01:00

People have been scared to death concerning the LHC turn on today. I actually am feeling a little disapointed because all they did was turn it on. No particle collisions, no crossed beams, a bit of a damp squib. The reason is that all they have done is turn the beam on in one direction. That's it. All the rest was media hysteria. The beams will not be colliding for a while yet, possibly weeks and it may happen without anyone knowing. I will be watching.
I know I've been out of touch for a month but I have been a little busy, I will try to make up for it. The students are back and there are lot of new faces in the department both staff and student. Stuart has gone over to the dark side, working in our other building and he has a replacement by the name of Andy.
The first stupid saying of the accademic year came from a student who asked me, "Do you know where the bottom of the stairs is?".
Great start hope there will be plenty more to come.

back to the grind..

2008-08-07T11:42:00.003+01:00

I'm back from my tour of Ireland's west coast and already wishing I wasn't. The weather was warm and sunny, the climb (more of a slog) up Croagh Patrick was a bit heavy going and why some people do it barefoot I will never understand.
On the way out I was rather embarrassed to be picked out by an Irish sniffer dog as a potential drug smuggler due to something being wrong with my camera bag. After being taken somewhere private and the gloves going on I started to get a little worried. Luckily they only decided to search the bag and after I explained that I had owned the bag for over 15 years and it had been to many rock festivals, gigs, parties etc and I could have picked up traces at any of these they let me off with a warning and a suggestion to get the bag cleaned.
Phew!
After that it was a matter of planning a route around Galway, Clew Bay and Coonamara.
One last thing, if you are going to go camping in Ireland check out the prices of the campsites before you get there we found the charge to range from 15 to 42 euros per night for two people in one tent and a car.
Enjoy the rest of your summer as I am now back at work. People keep saying to me "you'll be off for the summer now, won't you." I have to put them straight that I am paid as a technician not a teacher and we have plenty to do during the holidays sorting out new equipment, fixing broken and doing audits.
Oh well, back to work.

Schools Out...

2008-07-19T11:06:00.005+01:00

Today is the first day of a well earned break and will not be back at work for two weeks.
A recent joke has been;

Me: I'm going Thailand.
Other person: Which part?
Me: Galway

If you don't get the joke say it in a northern accent.
Yes I will be spending a few days over in Ireland touring the West and North visiting places like Galway, Westport, Mohar, Croagh Patrick and Father Ted's house. I hope to bring back some bril pics and stories.
In the meantime check out this hilarious video:

Simon's Cat vid 1 of 3

Should not be allowed to breed...

2008-07-18T10:01:00.003+01:00

This is not a new story but one I have just remembered that adds to what I have to put up with going to and from work.
I was sitting on a front seat upstairs on a double decker bus reading a book. Across from me also at the front is a guy talking on his mobile. There is no one else on the bus except the bus driver.
This guy was obviously talking to his girlfriend and the call was getting very personal so I was listening in.
She had just told him that she was going for a bath and he started going on at great length and detail as to how he could help her take the bath if he was there. It was getting really graphic when the girl stopped him because she realised that others could hear this conversation. His reply to that was " It's OK, there is only one other person on the bus and he is reading a book, so he can't hear us".
What a genius.

I'm back..

2008-07-17T08:55:00.002+01:00

Sorry with neglecting the blog recently but with one thing and another.....
Anyway, I am back and as I am now all on my own in the department what with Stuart going to pastures new (or gone over to the dark side as I prefer) and everyone else being off on holiday it's lonely in the basement. How Sadaam H. spent all that time in that hole I'll never know.
So what am I going to do for material now?
I will be checking out the best of the web for stuff I think is funny enough to pass on to yaaall.
keep checking back.
Oh, BTW Simon. Those comments about my niece? Can I just remind you that my brother (her father) was trained at great expense by HM goverment to kill people, (ask him about his time spent with 2 Para in a war zone) so it's not me you have to worry about.
On with the blog..

Lawrence Richard Giles 1929 to 2008

2008-06-30T12:09:00.005+01:00

Last Friday (June 27th) at 7:50 pm my father Lawrence (Lol) Giles passed away.
Dad had been ill for quite some time spending much of it in hospital but his passing on took place at home where he wanted to be. He went quietly with dignity and the minimum of fuss as was typical of his nature.
He will be immensely missed by his family and the many people who knew him.
In a way he will carry on through this blog as the style and humour I employ here I inheritted from him.
Goodbye 'Big Ug' You will not be forgotten.

Giz a job, I can do that..

2008-06-20T09:37:00.004+01:00

Two of my mates are having interviews today so good luck to Simon who is going for an IT support job and Rob who is going for a Science Technicans job in the same college I work in, are you insane?
Ste and Kel Are going for some sort of MTV links presenters job, more on that when I find out the full details.
So basically it's Good Luck to all and I hope to be out celebrating with Simon and Rob later.
I applied for a job at MANCAT but no feedback as yet. Come on people, get your finger out, I want a new job too.
The exam season is nearly over and even though the students went off on study leave weeks ago they still come in and use the facilities. So for those on their last exams today good luck and I will see you all on results day.

All choked up...

2008-06-17T08:54:00.004+01:00

I'm not having much luck recently in the health department, having chipped a bone in my elbow the other week, and nearly dying yesterday.

I was on the bus on my way home from work when I felt a little peckish and after a root around in my bag I found a small chocolate bar. After taking a bite from said bar I decided to breathe in and swallow at the same time, not a good move. The piece of chocolate got stuck in my windpipe and I started to choke. Suddenly I am doubled up in pain unable to breathe hoping there was someone on the bus that would recognise my symptons and come to my aid. all I got was a bloke on the next seat turning round and looking at me as if to say "will you stop making those noises".

Panic time, I'm on my own.

Luckily I have St Johns first aid training and looked at my options.
Number 1; five hard slaps to the back. Try doing this to yourself, it's not easy.
Number 2; The Heimlich Manoeuvre. Again impossible on your own.
By this time I had actually stopped breathing.
Last option, punch myself in the chest.
People on the bus are looking at me as if I was some wierdo having a fit and beating myself up. It must have looked like the toilet scene in Liar, Liar.
I had no intetion of dying on a bus and after three or four punches I managed to get the blockage out and I staggered off the bus. I propped myself up against a tree tears pouring down my face and covered in sweat with what felt like a hot coal in my throat but at least I was breathing again.
Today I think I have fractured my chest bone so it still hurts to breathe but that was a close one.
There should be more people out there with First Aid training as I once came across a person in the same state and managed to get the blockage out with a couple of hard slaps to the back.
You don't get rid of me that easy.

Birthday Shock....

2008-06-16T16:34:00.002+01:00

In case I hadn't mentioned it earlier it was my birthday on Saturday. I got three birthday cards, one from a couple I know, one from my mother and one from the Guinness brewery (Thanks for the free pint).
But I also got a really good prezzie......Remote control shocking tanks!!
Imagine a tank fighting game where each time you get a direct hit on your opponents tank they get an electric shock through their handset. Hilarious, especially when you froget to tell new comers about the electric shock bit. Want to get your own back on a pub doorman? get a set of these and put in some practice then challenge him to a contest. It's funny watching those big guys squeal in pain.
As for the rest of the day,,,,, well, it gets a bit blurry towards the end and I was taken home in a taxi. I live less than a third of a mile from the last pub but they reckon it was safer than me trying to walk it.

Feeling Congested..

2008-06-11T09:26:00.004+01:00

There's been a lot in the papers and on TV regarding the congestion charge being brought to Manchester. This charge (or 'going to work tax' as I prefer to call it) is just one big con. Set rubber inside of the M60 and you will have to pay up to £50 per week. The inside of the M60 covers 100 Square miles, so I am to believe, that's a lot of payments.
So where is all this extra cash going to? Well, the council say it will go towards better public transport so lets look at said public transport.
The tram system had a makeover last year to put in new rails, trams are meant to run 6 mins apart during peak times and 12 mins apart off peak, so why have I had to wait 30 and 45 mins for a tram on my last two visits to Manchester.
How can they improve on this? Well, stop breaking down for one. If the system is to be improved during peak times how will they do this? Putting on extra trams? making it a tram every 3 minutes is asking for trouble and will lead to tram congestion. Putting on extra carraiges won't work either as some of the platforms will not be long enough and there would be problems negotiating Manchester city centre.
Will someone also point out that a monthly Bus/tram ticket should go from date to date and not run for just 4 weeks. If you get paid monthly and pay for it on pay day you suddenly find yourself needing another one just a couple of days before the next payday, fix this now.
Now for the buses. I travel mainly in north Manchester mostly with a company who's name rhymes with 'worstbus'. They have highly skilled drivers, one I saw recently could drive the bus while eating an apple, talking on her hands free kit with a newspaper propped on the stearing wheel.
Why do people not want to travel by bus? Well, my biggest hate and one I have fell foul of is chewing gum on the seat, need I say more.
The next is school kids at full noise level. I don't want to know who's 19 year old brother got his sisters 12 year old friend pregnant, though I am sure there are people in office who would like to know. There is no need for all the swearing and throwing of free newspapers at each other. They should make members of staff from the schools police these routes just to see what goes on.
Next, moble phone MP3 players. They sound rubbish and these people got ripped off when they bought the phone because mine came with headphones.
Next, food on buses. It's not just the smell, well, sometimes it is when the person behind you is eating a burger and chips on a packed bus, its the mess as well. I hate people who drop litter just anywhere and sometime actually at the side of a bin instead of in it. Though some people think a bus is just one big litter bin.
As for the service itself, well it's just rubbish. I have been know to spend over two hours travelling a 12 mile journey on a supposedly high frequency route, most of this time used up waiting at bus stops. Buses get cancelled but the public are not allowed to know this so they can't plan alternative routes. Last year Worstbus brought in the best service ever with the introduction of the X35, a high speed motorway using service into the centre of Manchester. This service was so good they cancelled it after a few short months. I was not going back to 2 hour journeys so we bought a car. thanks for the incentive Worstbus. Let's not forget the record breaking inflation busting ticket price rises every few months.
I believe that in Edinburgh bus ticket prices are capped at £1 per journey. Now that is an incentive to leave to car at home and take the bus, affordable publc transport.
So, what is the £3 billion of tax payers money that is meant to be used on improving the transport system going to be spent on, bus lanes? I can't think of anything else, but if you don't have a bus lane that goes all the way into the city centre instead of just the odd couple of hundred yards this is not going to help.
London introduced the going to work tax a while ago, has anyone got any feedback on how the money from this has improved services and got people to work on time?
What else could the money be spent on? I know. Give me the money and I will travel to far off exotic places for weeks at a time, staying in top hotels all in the name of research to see how other countries cope with this problem.
Or has someone on the council already thought of this. I bet they have.