I've Been There, Claire!

Something You Should Not to Say to Your Author Wife...Ever

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Fri, 17 May 2013 03:03:00 +0000

The Husband is back in school, working toward a business degree. It's been "awhile" since he matriculated, and some of his skills, and the timing in the execution of said skills, are a tad bit.....rusty. In spite of this, he's pulling a 4.0 (Yay, TH!), but he also spends a lot of time editing and revising. I do the final QA....just to be on the safe side.

He wrote a couple of short (less than two pages) essays today for a class, which I happily proofed. He did a little more revising before sending them off into cyberspace, while I did some reading. He called me back into the office/den and said.......drumroll, please.....

"Whew, Hon, writing is a lot like work."

No shit, Sherlock!

P.S. I'm incredibly proud of TH. Truly.

MOM is WOW Upside Down

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Fri, 10 May 2013 23:23:00 +0000

http://alliederose.blogspot.com/

Happy Mother's Day to those of you who celebrate it. Obviously, giving birth isn't a requirement; adoptive moms, step-moms, foster moms, aunts and grandmoms earn their right to enjoy the day as well.

In addition to my mother, I'm thinking about a couple of women who were surrogate moms to me. Both have passed on, but I still acknowledge their influence on my life. They were open, accepting and supportive. I could talk to them. We spent lots of time laughing together, but I also gained invaluable wisdom from them as well. They filled a spot for me that I needed at the time, and I will always be grateful for their presence in my life.

Of course, I had my own mom....the one who birthed me. And I loved her dearly, but I had a vision of what a "mom" should be, and she didn't measure up. I wanted a cookie-baking, recipe-sharing, mom/daughter trip-taking mom. And, I suspect she wanted a thin, graceful, compliant daughter, and I'm not too sure I measured up either. I was "challenging"......go figure.

I have since learned that having expectations about anyone is a recipe for disaster. My mother taught me that, and gave me many opportunities to practice. You see, she had a stroke thirteen years before she died in 2005. As a result, she was hemi-plegic on her left side, and she had dementia.

For awhile, her mind worked pretty well. She might forget dates or events, but she was mostly lucid, most of the time, until a few years before she died. Sometimes when I visited her, her body may have been present, but her mind was elsewhere. Maybe Austin....maybe New York....maybe San Francisco. All great places to visit, admittedly, but she usually didn't have a round trip ticket. I tried to reorient her to the correct surroundings, but it didn't work. I thought I was helping her, but it was painful and/or confusing for both of us.

I finally went for a visit, determined to "meet" her where she was.....no expectations.....and it was wonderful. Once, she told me about her daughter.....things she never told me. Wow. It was the most precious gift I ever received from her.

I wish I hadn't waited so long to accept Mother exactly as she was. I wish I could "meet" everyone like that..... I'm working on it.

Have you given up expectations in your dealings with other people? Have you discovered the amazing freedom you get from having no expectations? Do you have any tips to share about giving up expectations?

Have you been there?

Connections

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Thu, 09 May 2013 19:16:00 +0000

I hope you were fortunate enough to watch the panel of education innovators on PBS' TEDTalks Education recently. If not, you can watch it here.

The person I was most interested in seeing was Dr. Rita Pierson. I was familiar with Dr. Pierson through a workshop on poverty I attended as a High School English teacher. She was very knowledgeable on her subject, interesting and entertaining. But instead of speaking about poverty, she talked about something near and dear to me: connecting with kids on a heart level. In case you don't want to watch the entire PBS program, you can see Dr. Pierson's segment here.

My favorite teachers were always the ones I connected with. They could teach, but they also made me want to learn.....want to be better. When I became a teacher, they were my inspiration.

It took a couple of years to get my teacher "legs" under me, trying different methods of connection. I finally found something that worked for me: the magic of letters. It was a wonderful way to relate to them on a more heartfelt level. I also felt like part of my job was to help prepare my students life after High School....real life. My subjects consisted of things like motivation, perseverance and gratitude.

Here's one of my gratitude letters from November 2005 (because gratitude ROCKS!):

Dear Class:

Since we will be leaving for Thanksgiving break soon it seems appropriate that this letter address the subject of gratitude. I’m going to come at it from a different angle though.

It’s really easy to be thankful for a cool present or an unexpected $20. But what about those things that, on the outside, aren’t so wonderful? What about when bad things happen? What about when you lose something or you’re in a wreck or you break up with someone? Why would anyone be grateful about that? If you look with an open mind, there are lots of reasons to be grateful for everything in your life.

“Thankful” means “aware and appreciative of a benefit; grateful.” First let’s look at the awareness part. That’s where you have to be open-minded and willing to look for what’s not easily seen. Sometimes you have to look very hard for the gratitude in a situation.

Once, I was in a relationship with a real loser. It was very damaging to me emotionally. In fact, it was probably one of the lowest times in my life. At one point, I was really afraid of him and what he might do. I hid all my valuables and I was terrified to be at home alone. What good thing could come out of that?!? For one thing, I had some friends who totally stuck by me. In fact, they stayed with me, around the clock, for a week so I wouldn’t have to be alone until things settled down. Their selflessness and support amazes me to this day. Another good thing that happened was that I was forced to look at some of my behavior patterns that got me into the situation to begin with. This experience gave me new insight and an opportunity to change. It wasn’t fun or pretty but it was extremely beneficial. I had to get beyond the fear, anger, shame and bitterness of that ordeal in order to find the good, but it was there nonetheless. Everyone is my teacher if I am open-minded enough to see it.

What are the benefits of going through tough times? The most obvious is getting through it. Something may be very painful but eventually, time will heal those wounds. Another benefit is that I usually gain some new awareness about myself afterward. I see something I want to change or maybe I see some new strength I didn’t know I had. Sometimes, I simply get to use my experience to help someone else who is going through a similar problem.

Besides the opportunity to help someone else, there is a valid connection between your mental and the physical well-being. Studies show that people who live a life of gratitude have less stress, are more optimistic, healthier, happier and less materialistic. People find that the most important things in life aren’t “things.”

Since I’ve mentioned my weight before, I’ll tell you how I’ve tried to apply gratitude to that area of my life. I used to talk to myself in terrible ways about my weight which, in my opinion, compounded the problem. What I have done recently is to be grateful for the fact that I’m overweight. Why?!? Because I’m overweight I have to try to make a point of watching what I eat and getting some exercise. What if I was at a normal weight and yet had a health problem that I didn’t address because I wasn’t worried about what I ate? What if I had a stroke like my mother did because I wasn’t taking care of myself? The fact that I’m overweight forces me to look for ways to improve my health that I might not do otherwise and is, therefore, something to be grateful for.

The Hebrew term for gratitude is hikarat hatov, which means, literally, "recognizing the good." Practicing gratitude means recognizing the good that is already yours. If you've lost your job, but you still have your family and health, you have something to be grateful for. If you can't move around except in a wheelchair but your mind is as sharp as ever, you have something to be grateful for. One way I practice gratitude is to say a silent “thank you” for every bill I pay because it’s stuff I’ve already used. Even the $250 electric bill is a source of gratitude for the power I’ve already used. Gratitude can't coexist with arrogance, resentment, and selfishness. In other words, I can’t grumble about how high the bill is and be grateful for it at the same time. I would rather be grateful.

How can you live a life of gratitude? One thing you can do is start a gratitude journal. Write down five things you are grateful for every day. Include little things like the person who let you onto the freeway, the fact that the cafeteria is serving your favorite lunch or you and a friend shared a good belly laugh. Think of good things that happened because something bad happened first. For example, if that slow driver hadn’t pulled in front of you, you probably would have gotten a speeding ticket. Think about places that make you smile. Look for ways to add gratitude into your life. If there’s someone that you know that is usually grumpy, welcome him with a smile. Tell people when they do something that affects your life in a positive way. I have written notes of gratitude to my parents and other family members telling them all the things that they did that meant something special to me. Trust me, you will make their day. Many people go through life thinking that they don’t make a difference in anyone’s life and it means the world to them to find out that they made a difference in yours. And now, with my mother’s death, I am especially happy that I did that while she was still coherent enough to understand it.

Gratitude is action you take, not just words you say. It’s a way to live your life. It’s an attitude. And it’s a gift to yourself and everyone around you.

Do you think this is worth your time and energy? Would you be willing to try it? Can you see how you can turn any situation around into something for which you can be grateful?

Think about the subject of gratitude. See where and how you can add it to your life. In your one page response, list things that you already do or are willing to do to add gratitude into your life. Do you think that taking this action can benefit your life? Why or why not? I challenge you to try it – just for a month – and see what happens.

As usual, your response will be counted as a quiz grade. Please understand that, although no one besides me will read this, if you reveal something that makes me believe that you are being abused in any way, it is my job to report it.

Although I may not act like it every day, I am grateful for each of you and my life is better because of you. Have a great Thanksgiving break!

Have you tried letters as a means of connecting? Have you tried a letter of gratitude?

Have you been there?

You Are......

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Sun, 05 May 2013 17:13:00 +0000

love-caholics.tumblr.com

Abundant

Beautiful

Connected

Delicious

Enormous

Fabulous

Gifted

Hopeful

Individual

Joyful

Kind

Loved AND lovable (yes, you are!)

Mindful

Nurturing

Open

Perfect

Queenly

Radiant

Stupendous

Transforming

Unique

Vibrant

Whole

X-ceptional

You! (which is the best thing you can be!)

Zesty

Now, get out there and OWN IT!

Have you questioned your worth? Did you cringe at any of these descriptions or did you say, "YES! That's ME!"?

Have you been there?

Enoughness without the Roughness

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 19:33:00 +0000

I stole this title from the brilliant and beautiful Tracey Selingo's "About Me" page. I checked it out because of her post today about authenticity. (I told you she was brilliant!) She mentioned "enoughness without the roughness" and that was a phrase I could relate to.

I've written about my perceptions of not enoughness before. I shared about the little sign I started with, which still hangs in my bathroom, that reminded me daily that I truly was enough. Period. (I even created signs to download on that post, so if anyone else is feeling like they're not enough, you, too, can have a reminder! Grab one.....or ten!)

But the reason why Tracey's phrase resonated with me so deeply is that, even though I know I'm enough, some days, it's still a battle. My fears and insecurities creep in, and that not enoughness rears its ugly head.

Case in point.....my first novel will be available for sale in June (wooohoooooooooo!). I'm excited about it; this is a topic I truly believe in, and a practice I used in my classroom. This will tell you all about how Class Letters came to be.

But I have to admit, the closer I get to June, the more my not enoughness kicks in. The "what if" questions pry their way into my consciousness.....what if no one reads it? What if they read it and hate it? What if "they" think I'm a shitty writer? Did I edit enough? Did I write enough? Did I make the story interesting enough? Sheesh!

But behind all these "what if''s" and "did I's" (because they are just a manifestation of my insides) is the root question: Am I Enough?

Fuck yeah, I am.

Because enoughness isn't about book sales or writing ability or the number on the scale or the zeros in your bank account. I am enough, because I'm a precious child of God. I was created to be uniquely me.....to do the things that only I can do, to say the things only I can say, and to be the person only I can be.

So, during this time of waiting for book sales to begin (and doing more marketing), I will remind myself that my words and my story are enough, and especially, that I am enough. No internal arguments, rough or otherwise. So be it and so it is.

Have you struggled with not enoughness? Have you found enoughness without roughness?

Have you been there?

P.S. I think this is an example of authentic enoughness. Listen to the words.....own it!

Naming God

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 20:07:00 +0000

http://www.cindymaedesigns.com

I have been woefully neglectful of this space, and I apologize. I will try to do better. (Although Yoda comes to mind whenever I write/say "try".....his wisdom: Do or do not. There is no try. OK. I'll try to do. Or, do it or die trying....oh never mind....) For those of you still present, I appreciate your loyalty! On to the post......

I grew up in the Episcopal Church in a conservative diocese. So conservative, in fact, that there has been a schism around topics like the ordination of gays and women. I ultimately left that church (in my 30's) because my (then) young daughter expressed an interest in becoming a priest some day. I felt she would never have that opportunity in the Episcopal Church, so I changed churches to one that was more welcoming to women in service (and gays, too, for that matter).

Needless to say, the majority of the Episcopal Church (as well as almost every other religion) is run by men, for men. And the inference, in prayers as well as the Bible, is that God is a man. "Our Father, who art in Heaven.....".

This aspect of the church has bothered me for some time, but no more than when I recently read The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd. Kidd details her journey into an understanding of the Divine Feminine. A former Christian writer (married to a Southern Baptist minister), she struggles with her place as a woman in the spiritual patriarchy she has always known.

I believe that God is genderless, but I have a hard time dropping the idea that God is male. I think we assign gender, names, and even faces. in order to even begin to contemplate, much less understand, a Being that is omniscient and omnipresent. It sort of brings God down to our level.....makes Him/Her/It more approachable.

Now that I have this new awareness/validation after reading TDODD, I find myself wanting a new name for God. Something genderless......something I can relate to. I've been thinking about options, and doing a little research into other names for God, but haven't come across anything suitable. And I'm not sure why this is important to me right now, but apparently it is.

"Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be His name....."

Nah......

Have you tried to name God?

Have you been there?

Being Present

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 15:05:00 +0000

selfhelpmadesimple.com

I've been working to deepen my spiritual practice. I've taken a couple of classes recently and have a true desire to connect more fully with the God of my understanding. Two areas that need work are meditation and being present in the moment.

A friend told me recently that I stay in my head too much. At first this bothered me, but after giving it some thought, I have to agree. It's hard to stay present when there's a steady stream of chatter running through my mind.

In fact I contemplated this in the shower last night. I tried to focus on the water flowing over my body, and the feel of the soap in my hand.

First a song ran through my mind, so I had to re-focus.

Next, I started writing this blog post in my head.....about being present. Really?!? Re-focus.

It's supposed to rain tomorrow.....wonder when they'll finish the pool? Shit! There I go again.....re-focus.

What time is that appointment again? Ugh! Re-focus......

The dishwasher needs to be unloaded. STOP! Re-focus.....

I think, all in all, I was able to stay present for about three seconds at a time. Looks like this may take some practice.......

Have you tried being present in the moment? Did you have a hard time staying focused? Got any tips for me??

Have you been there?

Doing the Next Right Thing

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 00:35:00 +0000

Whew! It's been a busy week for us. Our niece, The Princess, is BACK (YAY!!) and moved in last Friday and The Husband had ALL his teeth removed on Monday. I've been helping her get settled and into school, while running hot and cold pads back and forth to him. All this in addition to marketing my novel, writing my blog (doing it right now......helllloooooo), laundry, cooking, and all the other things I do each week.

In order to make room for TP (Sweet Boy and his dog are back with us for a few months as well), we needed to do some fairly massive rearranging in the house (furniture, stuff in the closets, etc). Sometimes when there's so much going on around me, I can get a little overwhelmed. When I'm in overwhelm mode, I get stuck. It's like there's sooooo much to do that I can't make a decision about what to do, so I look for the next right thing. If I wish I had allowed more time, I'm focused on the past. If I worry about the things I have left to do, I'm focusing on the future. My best bet is to stay in TODAY.

Sometimes the "next right thing" is staring me in the face -- like the clothes that need folding. Sometimes it's remembering to eat. Sometimes I need to take a walk, read or get some quiet time. I can get so wound up about what needs to happen tomorrow or next week, I forget about the things that are in front of me to do TODAY.

My time in "overwhelm mode" doesn't last very long and is always much shorter when I remember to do the next right thing, whether it's self-care, prayer and meditation or using the tools of the program.

What's your "next right thing"? What do you do to stay grounded and focused?

Have you been there?

Bait Him!

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 00:51:00 +0000

photo: http://bit.ly/ZCt28W

I've been MIA....house hunting in Colorado. No luck so we'll probably stay put for another year or two (there's more to that story....another post, okay?).

The Husband has been busy all day plus a much-needed trip to the chiropractor plus physical therapy for post-rotator cuff surgery, so, Stepford wife that I am, I had dinner waiting when he came home. (It was all frozen stuff....don't judge me!)

TH isn't always the neatest eater (neither am I.....but the boobs catch it all. Yay?), but tonight he was exceptionally messy. When he showed me the big spot on his shirt, I told him the dogs would be in his lap all night. To avert this mass hysteria, he changed shirts.

But he forgot about his pants.

One of the dogs noticed....and became quite.....interested.

TH (generally a brilliant man) finally realized his error when said dog slurped his......junk.

TH: Oh man, I gotta get out of these! It's bait! You can't blame a fish for taking a bite when you bait the mother fucking hook!

No dialogue on my part, just hysterical laughter.

If you want to have a good time, spritz your spouse's pants with beefy "perfume" then sit back and watch the show. Totally worth it!

I'm Not a Black Widow....Probably

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 18:34:00 +0000

Maybe this guy.....

Have you ever been curious about something and researched it? I do this all the time. I'll see something on TV or hear about something in the news and want to know more, so I look it up.

This has caused The Husband some angst. It began innocently enough. We watched a crime show about a woman who wanted to kill her husband and found a hit man on the internet. So I did my own search for a hit man, just to see what I could find. Unfortunately it freaked TH the fuck out, so I had to quit. Now he's paranoid.

He brings it on himself though. Sometimes, he acts like he's 10 (as do most men) like when we go to the doctor's office and he wants to look in my ears and nose with the light-up-ear-and-nose-thingie, or when he rolls around on the little stool the doc sits on, or when he plays with the rubber body parts in the exam room that are supposed to be educational. And that's just the doctor's office.

And usually, after one of his 10 year old-esque episodes (of which there are MANY.....per day) he asks the perennial rhetorical question, "You're going to kill me, aren't you?"

Not until I google a good hit man......

Have you researched crazy things? Found any hit men (did you get a phone number???)?

Have you been there?

Taking the Action

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 04:53:00 +0000

Or you can download this by clicking here.
Feel free to share!

I've told you that I have a novel coming out in June. It's pretty exciting and a LOT of work. Trust me, writing the book was easier than getting it published. It's no one's fault; it's being published by SheWritesPress and they have been wonderful! But the process itself kinda sucks. There's all kinds of editing and proofing and correcting and marketing to do. It's the necessary evil to get it in the hands of teachers (and others, I hope) everywhere!

I've gotten help outside of the publishing industry as well. The insightful and business savvy Amy Palko and I chatted about marketing and (one of) her brilliant suggestion(s) was to create a resource booklet/e-book explaining the process I used to write letters to my students (the inspiration for the novel). You can find it over on the right hand side of this little site here (at the top....see it?).>>>>>>>>^^^^^^^^^

My part of this brilliance is making the effort to get it to the teachers. I've been emailing a bazillion teachers in high schools all over the country, offering this booklet for free.

And then I actually heard from one of the teachers I sent a link to. I am an AVID teacher and this will be a meaningful way to connect more personally with my students. She actually wrote that. OMG! She GETS it! And she may even USE it! I hope she does, and that she reaps all the benefits from connecting with kids (there are soooooo many).

And then those thoughts creep in......what if no one reads the book.....what if it sucks.......what if I can't write worth shit...... You know those thoughts. Ugh.

Puttin' it out there is scary, but all I can do is try. If it works, it works. If it doesn't? Well, I have a choice....to try again (using the lessons I learned from this experience) or do something different. Here's my view: I'm doing the best I can, which is all I can really do. The rest is up to God/Spirit/The Universe. And I figure if God really wants it out there, it'll happen.

Have you been puttin' it out there and taking action? Have those thoughts plagued you (I hope not!) about the results?

Have you been there?

No Penis Between Us!

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 19:00:00 +0000

http://twelve-in-twelve.com/
Zeus' penis is waaaaay bigger!

So The Husband and I were ready to shut things down for the night, which meant that it was time for our Ten Second Kiss. Zeus was lying between us on his back, spread eagle. Oh so very attractive!

After brushing my teeth, I went over to TH's side of the bed.

Me: I didn't want to kiss you with Zeus' junk right below us, so I thought I'd kiss you from here.

TH: Good! No penis between us!

Me: Sounds like a wiener to me!

Ain't love grand?

Have you had complications getting in that ten second kiss each night? (If you've never tried a nightly ten second kiss, you should. It's amazing!)

Have you been there?

This is Love

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 18:52:00 +0000

With Valentine's Day looming, hearts and flowers (and chocolate! YAY!) are everywhere. "Love" is all around us depicted as a romantic feeling between two people. But this post isn't about romantic love between two people.....it's just about Love. Period.

When Lady climbs up into my lap and, ever so gently and slowly, lowers herself onto my chest, with intention, to bestow a hug. This is Love.

When TMPCTEL runs into my arms when he sees me. This is Love.

When The Husband (who is very attractive) mentions "his wife" in conversations with women (who may or may not be hitting on him). This is Love.

When the driver on the highway makes a space for you. This is Love.

When a friend listens to your rant. This is Love.

When the gardener gently weeds and prunes. This is Love.

When you throw your trash in the bin instead of on the street. This is Love.

When you play with your pet. This is Love.

When you pamper yourself. This is Love.

When the cook lovingly creates a tasty, healthy meal for the family. This is Love.

When you look in the mirror and see the beauty (not the wrinkles or the gray hair) reflecting back. This is Love.

When you share the most intimate parts of yourself with another (NOT sex!). This is Love.

These are just a few examples of the love you have (or could have) in your life every day. Look at these phrases. The love is in the action taken: climbs, runs, mentions, listens, weeds, prunes, throw, play, pamper, create, see, share.

Love is a verb. It is action + intention. It doesn't matter if you share your love with a friend, family member or stranger, the action is what's important. And it's OK if the love isn't returned (or returned in the way you want). Love is a gift in the purest sense of the word. No strings attached, no expectations. Love for Love's sake.

Express, embody, personify Love today.....and every day.

Have you seen examples of love in your life? Have you put your love into action?

Have you been there?

You're an Artist!

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 23:44:00 +0000

The door I painted for
my 50th birthday.

I longed to be an artist all my life. A real artist. Like Da Vinci or Matisse. Of course, my parents loved everything I created -- and displayed it along with their other art (real art). But somewhere along the line, I became a perfectionist and nothing looked like I thought it should. Instead of developing my own unique style, I berated myself and put away my art supplies.

Fast forward to the 90's. I went back to school for a Masters in Landscape Architecture. I came with an English degree -- nothing in design -- and spent a semester manipulating black circles, squares, and other shapes on white paper in the introductory design class. It made no sense to me. Somewhere in the middle of the semester, something "clicked".....but I have no idea what, why or how, but, according to my professor anyway, I "got" it.

I loved the design aspect, but felt like my drawing abilities were not up to snuff (so what else is new?), and took an intensive drawing class for about three weeks one summer. I learned some of the tricks and techniques, which helped my confidence in drawing landscape designs, but of course, my "art" wasn't really art.

My next foray into the art world was about seven years ago. I wanted a "Tuscan" kitchen and repainted the walls, adding faux bricks and an aged plaster paint technique. There was a pantry door in my kitchen that seemed like a brown blob, so I painted a scene of the Italian countryside. It wasn't Da Vinci, but it wasn't half bad. So I progressed to other doors around my home (six in all) and had a blast painting them. They didn't always come out the way I wanted, and they've never looked like a Da Vinci, but it fed my soul.

My beautiful doors were all painted white last year when we considered selling the house. I haven't painted anything since the doors. But, yesterday, I was inspired by a friend's story, and decided to paint it for her. And it was awesome! I don't know why I've waited so long, but I'm keeping my paints and brushes close by from now on.

Having said that, being an artist doesn't have anything to do with paints and brushes. Everyone is an artist. Everyone. Maybe you can cook a beautiful meal, blending the flavors for a memorable taste. Maybe you grow beautiful roses, and create arrangements to brighten up your home. Maybe you understand the purr of an engine, and can troubleshoot problems like a motherfucker. You're ALL artists. Find your "art" and relish the time you spend doing it. Share it with others, or teach it to those that aren't as proficient as you.

But don't hide it because you think it's not "art" or that you're not "good enough" at it. in the words of Nike, just do it!

Have you discovered your "art"? Do you actively pursue it or do you struggle with perfectionism?

Have you been there?

Remember When?

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 18:55:00 +0000

It was kinda like this.....but I was on bottom.

Remember when you were in college and got drunk and went back to some random guy's dorm room and tried to sleep on that twin bed with him and got stuck in all kinds of awkward and uncomfortable positions because he was passed out on top of you?

Yeah, me neither.

But that was my night with Zeus last night, and I created that analogy (completely out of thin air) for illustration purposes. We have a king size bed but, with two adults plus three 50+ pound dogs (ie a-nother person), even king size seems small. And Zeus, apparently, wanted to be closer to me than skin and just sorta lounged on and around me. Like the comatose drunk guy. Allegedly......

Have you ever shared a small bed with an animal (canine, feline or human) and found yourself trapped?

Have you been there?

Let's Play a Game!

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 16:26:00 +0000

As you know, we recently added the amazing Zeus to our pack. He is transitioning into our family quite well. He has mastered the dog door, is learning to play with us and his sisters, and is very affectionate. We are still working with him on a leash, taking slow walks around the block. One day, I hope he loves his walks as much as Lady and Duchess do.

But there is one area that still needs work. Zeus is technically a puppy for another year, and he revels in some of those puppy antics.....like chewing shit up. The new game at our house is called "What the Fuck was THAT?" Of course, whenever we find him chewing on something inappropriate, we tell him "no" and give him something he can chew on. Let's just say, we're working on it.

In the meantime, we find chomped bits and pieces around the house, and sometimes it takes awhile to figure out what those pieces used to be. Maybe you can help......

This is pretty easy (wires, duh) but can you tell what they go (went) to?

Hmmmmm.....this looks interesting. I'll tell you that it's NOT the neck stretching torture device that I bought at the chiropractor's office. But what IS it??

I think this was the first thing we looked at and asked, "What the fuck was that??" Obviously, was is the operative word here. Any ideas?

Another tidbit we found around the house. Once I pulled out some reading glasses, I could see what it used to be. What about you?

I also wanted to mention that I've lived through my first year of blogging! I began this blog on 1/8/12. I considered doing a giveaway or something to celebrate this milestone, but it happened right before our house hunting trip, and fell further and further down my to-do list. So while you're figuring out the WTF items above, munch on this from Cake Believe:

Have you played this game before with your pets? Do you have any suggestions about how to make it stop??

Have you been there?

Close, But No Cigar

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 02:51:00 +0000

photo by David Shankbone
http://blog.shankbone.org/about/

I've been absent....did you miss me? We've been in Colorado for the past week, house hunting. Long story short, we didn't find one. No worries -- we'll probably head back in a few months to try again.

This move to Colorado has always been a part of the deal when I married The Husband. There are worse places to move, right? Besides, this past week was really, really fucking cold....-6 with a chill factor of -21. And it snowed. Needless to say, I didn't drive. With one or two amendments to my wardrobe (like shoes.....I had Toms and flat soled boots. What was I thinking?!?), I survived the frigid temps. It gradually "warmed" up....like, to freezing. I surprised myself by strolling around like a native in a long-sleeved shirt when it got into the 40's. I did have a 24 hour bout with some kind of nastiness, but it gave The Husband a chance to visit with old friends all by himself (probably best for all involved).

I have something to discuss with you, but first you need some background information. I'm a Texas girl, born and raised. I've lived here all my life, primarily in Fort Worth. I spent three years in San Antonio while in boarding school (yeah, I'll spill the beans on that adventure sooooooon, I promise) and in Austin at UT (Go, 'Horns!). I live in Saginaw (NW Tarrant County) which is practically on the other side of the world, according to my father and The Assembly. Oh, them? Yeah....another post (but you can get the gist here and here). My father's reaction when I moved to Saginaw (a suburb of Fort Worth, mind you)? He called my brother (the mob boss) and said, wistfully, "Well, she's gone." Truth. Like I had moved to Outer Mongolia!

But I digress.....

Suffice it to say, I've been in the area a looooong time. My family is here....people I've known since kindergarten.....the home I grew up in.

And, geez, moving to Colorado......well, that's one of the places people dream about. It's gorgeous (duh), dog-friendly, healthy lifestyle, and I could get back into skiing, something I enjoyed....uh.....maybe, like, thirty years ago..... I'll start off on the bunny slopes, just to get my ski legs back. All in all, a truly fabulous place to live.

But I gotta be honest; I'm not feeling a connection. I don't feel drawn to move there. Certainly there will be opportunities for connection once we get there: church, service activities, neighbors, fellow motorcyclists.

Yes, I'm looking forward to the change, in spite of the fact that it's foreign territory. I think/hope/would like to think I'm flexible....resilient...adaptable. There's some excitement in the newness and anticipation. But it doesn't feel like home. TH meant to spend more time introducing me to the different areas around Denver in the foothills (next time!), so hopefully one of those spots will hit home (hell yes, I meant it that way).

And other than simply spending more time there, I'm not sure what else I can do to get my heart aligned with my head. Any and all suggestions welcome.

Have you faced a change you weren't "feeling"? How did you find that pre-connection?

Have you been there?

The Husband's Alma Mater

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 22:11:00 +0000

This is actually the logo for a Missouri State University
financial aide blog, but it fits.
TH + MSU = Real Life

Despite his last name and skin color, The Husband doesn't speak Spanish. Oh, he can cuss up a storm, but he can't carry on a normal, everyday, non-cussing conversation. I, on the other hand, can cuss AND converse in Spanish. I'm rusty, but it doesn't take long to pick it back up.

In order to be true to his roots, TH bought some language learning software for Spanish. Every now and then, like last night, he practices random phrases.

La mujer bebe.

Los ninos leen.

He was doing splendidly until he ran out of things to say....like anything beyond the two phrases above. I noticed he went on for awhile, however, and tuned in to hear what he was actually saying. After he mastered these two lines, he simply babbled...with a Spanish accent.

Duchess was in my lap and I had to tell her the truth: Dad went to MSU.

Make Shit Up.

TH thought this was hilarious and was actually pretty impressed that I came up with such an astute (and hysterical) quip. The truth is I probably read it on a t-shirt somewhere, but at my age, who the hell knows?

Have you laughed 'til your sides hurt lately?

Have you been there?

Irrational Comma Placement and Other Hilarity

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 02:20:00 +0000

How the fuck do people take these pictures??

First and foremost, you must know that the irrational comma placement is NOT my fault. I blame it on poor eyesight (yes, mine) and longish fingernails. After all, the comma on my phone is right next to the space bar. They're both TINY (and a little blurry).

So my, texts tend, to look, like this. And it's just too fucking hard to move that nano-cursor around to delete the commas (although I do make the effort about 50% of the time). If you receive one of my comma-filled texts, you must remember that I am not quite that irrational. I may misplace a comma here and there (admit it, they can be confusing), but never in the same way as my phone.

I have also had some auto-correct instances which I catch (and never remember.....see next paragraph. And I have no idea how to take those pictures.....see picture) and fix before they go out.

But if you want to see some really funny auto-correct issues, check out Damn You Auto-Correct. The Husband and I read a few the other night and laughed our asses off.

Have you had any memorable auto-correct funnies? Any irrational comma placements (or am I the only one??)?

Have you been there?

Amateur Night and Other News

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Sat, 29 Dec 2012 22:58:00 +0000

Happy Almost New Year! If 2012 was sucky for you (or even if it was good!), I truly hope 2013 treats you right, and that you find a multitude of blessings for which to be grateful.

But first, you have to make it to 2013, safe and sound. It is only by a miraculous grace that I never got a DWI while I was drinking. I drove drunk all the time; I'm incredibly grateful I didn't hurt anyone.

The running joke is that New Year's Eve is Amateur Night. It seems like many social/non-drinkers think that New Year's Eve is the one night of the year they should blow it out. I don't know about anyone else, but when I was drunk, I thought I was invincible, and always refused to relinquish my keys. Completely irresponsible, I know. But it's the truth, and something to remember when A) someone tries to take your keys or B) you're out and about on the road (which, in North Texas, means BIG rain this year) and there are others like there, like me, who are driving drunk.

These days, I prefer to spend my NYE at home instead of a big party. And I think it's smart to stay off the road and out of the way of irresponsible drivers.....like me.

And if you're one of those who doesn't want to give up your keys, think that decision through. It ain't cheap. I saw estimates from $6K to $24K for a DWI conviction....and that's just the cash. What about the loss of respect, trust, and maybe job or partner? It's a big price to pay (literally and figuratively) for a momentary lapse in judgment. And, of course, if you don't feel safe with the person who is driving, please speak up for yourself. Your life is way more valuable than their (temporary) hurt feelings.

In other news.......

Zeus is doing great. His energy and appetite are much better, although the kennel cough has persisted. He still loves lap time and is making headway on the dog door and house-training. The girls are getting used to their new brother; Duchess is a good playmate for him, and Lady, as usual, enjoys watching them play. Unfortunately, as the vet predicted, both are coming down with kennel cough.

And The Husband has had a cold that turned into bronchitis, which he's been battling. Add in a pulled muscle from coughing, and he's having a tough time. So far, I have evaded the cold, bronchitis AND kennel cough. Keeping fingers and toes crossed......

2013 should be a year of change for us. My book will be out in the spring, and we are (almost) actively looking for a home in Colorado (as in, we're checking the calendar for a time to visit and looking for a good realtor to help us....know anyone??). I've never lived outside of Texas, so this should be a real adventure.

Has 2012 been good for you or are you looking forward to 2013 (or both!)?

Have you been there?

Best Pre-Christmas Present Ever!

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 20:21:00 +0000

Meet Zeus Lopez! Isn't he handsome?

We have a new addition to our family! You may have already met Lady and Duchess, our Boxer and Pit/American Bulldog, who, in fact, don't know they are dogs. And you'll get coal in your stocking tonight if you tell them.

We found Zeus, our new Dogo Argentine, via a rescue group at a local shelter after learning that he was on the urgent (ie kill) list. We spent some time getting to know him and introduced him to Lady and Duchess through a chain link fence. Tails wagged (mine included) so we made plans to adopt. Since that first meeting, he has been neutered, chipped and vaccinated.

Apparently, he was brought in with two females; all three were identical. One of the females had recently given birth. The owners came to pick them up, but abandoned them instead when they found out the dogs would have to be neutered. Our best guess was that Zeus and his sisters (?) were breeders in a puppy mill. After we returned home with our prize, I did some research. Breeding dogs need to learn how to be pets -- they don't know how to play or socialize because they are penned 24/7. And they tend to be fearful. We've seen all this with Zeus, but he's a smart guy, and I don't think it will take him long to find his groove around here. He's only about two years old; hopefully there was only minimal damage done to his psyche.

He's only been ours for about 36 hours, but he's a joy....and very chill. He's been resting and recuperating from his surgery. His favorite spot is in a lap, so he's soaking up some much needed love and attention. He's getting to know the girls, and they are getting the message that he's staying. They are awesome role models and have already taught him the ins-and-outs of the dog door (I crack me up!). Eventually they'll show him how to walk on a leash, run and play.

We didn't really plan this, but I'm thrilled with our new boy. He needed a family and we were lucky enough to be chosen.

Have you gotten a special pre-Christmas present this year (or in the past)?

Have you been there?

P.S. Regardless of your faith or how you celebrate, I hope your holidays are full of love, joy, and hope. Blessings and hugs from my heart to yours.

Say it! Do it!

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 16:04:00 +0000

It's been almost two weeks since I posted. Honestly, I just haven't wanted to write. Don't take it personally.....it's just been a challenging time. Of course, there have been all the Christmas duties: shopping, wrapping, decorating. And we've had some upsets along the way, personally and as a nation.

On the personal side, we lost a wonderful couple in our family; the wife passed unexpectedly in early Fall, her soul mate last week. Our consolation is that they are together again. Their passing has hit the family hard, but we will hang together and help each other through it.

And, of course, the tragedy in Connecticut has affected the country as a whole. I don't know what the answers are, but I don't think we should take rash action. Situations such as these are complicated; there is no one, single solution. My part will be to pray for all involved, including Adam Lanza.

Then there's the looming apocalypse. Two more days! Are you ready? Like Y2K, I'm doubtful that anything will happen, but we will be prepared, nonetheless. There does seem to be an energy in the air....unsettled, but anticipatory.

So, given all of the ups and downs, the comings and goings, my plan for the holiday is to simply enjoy it. If nothing else, the cliche "Life is short" comes to mind. And, at the ripe old age of 55, life gets shorter all the time! I won't live in fear of some impending loss or catastrophe, but I do want to spend time with those I love and hold them close.

Cliche or not, life is short, and you don't know what's coming around the bend. Don't put off those words of love, or that apology. Don't wait until "next week" to make that call or visit. Live your life today, in this moment, and enjoy it completely. Don't hold back! Don't scrimp with your time, talent or treasure! Share your heart and your love -- not just with those you love, but with everyone. It's the best gift you can give -- to them, and to yourself.

Have you been derailed this holiday season? If so, are you back on track?

Have you been there?

I Am my Father's Daughter

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 17:48:00 +0000

My father was a survivalist. When the Cuban Missile Crisis loomed in 1962, he considered moving us south to Mexico or South America. Of course, at five years old, I was blissfully unaware that my new first language might be Spanish. His back up plan was to hunker down and survive in our basement. It was built into the side of a hill, and therefore safe from fallout. There were shelves with additional height and width that would serve as sleeping spaces. I remember searching through the storage trunks to find blankets, canned food, water and a pistol. To me, it was another playroom; to my father, it was survival. Obviously, nothing happened.

Then came Y2K. Daddy went all out for that one. At this point in their lives, my father was 86 years old, and my mother was 82 and an invalid following a stroke. And yet, bless his heart, he was determined to keep my mother and himself safe from perceived challenges. He bought 500 pounds of freeze dried food, a gun, and a tiller. He had USGS maps charting his getaway routes, and he searched for ten acres of land (on a lake or river) that would be their refuge. He never found a suitable property, so when Y2K arrived, he and Mother waited it out at the retirement home. Obviously, nothing happened.

But there continue to be threats against us, both man-made and environmental. We could be hit by a massive solar flare, economic collapse, or some kind of terroristic threat such as an EMP or bio-terror (and, of course, there are the zombies!). I'm sure there are opinions about all these threats, both pro and con -- doomsdayers who believe these will all come true, probably at the same time, as well as optimists who think we are immune to any disturbance. I have no idea who is right, but I keep the following adage in mind: prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

So, we prepare.

You may have noticed an upsurge in shows and website related to prepping. Some people have been prepping for years and have gone to extremes, such as underground bunkers and elaborate security systems. We haven't gone to those lengths, but we have guns and ammo, backpacks and assault vests, a generator, and other necessary tools (flint, compass, etc). We are also looking into acreage in Colorado, preferably with a solar house and live water. When we find our home, we plan to store food and other necessities for life after the apocalypse.

Are we crazy? Maybe, but The Husband counters my reservations by reminding me that we'll be in better shape than most if something occurs. I suppose if we have the means and the space, there's nothing wrong with it -- better safe than sorry!

My daddy passed away in April of 2011, and I can't help but wonder if he's watching all of our preparations with laughter ("oh, you silly people") or a high five and an "atta girl."

Have you made any preparations for a (possible) impending crisis or are you reading this through tears of laughter?

Have you been there?

Have You Seen My Books?

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 16:52:00 +0000

Books + the ever-present and
increasingly necessary reading glasses.

I love books. I love the way they feel and smell. Over the years, books have lifted me up, made me laugh and cry, inspired me and consoled me. They have been my friends.

Unfortunately, I've given many of my friends away. Each time I've moved, I've culled through my books, out of necessity, to get them down to a manageable number. Invariably, I think of a book I want to re-read or peruse for whatever reason, only to find that it's missing. And I grieve losing that book all over again.

I have several e-books, but they're not the same as the print version. Granted, they take up minimal space, and there's no need to hunt for them on my bookshelf, but I can't touch them. I can't slide my fingers between the pages in anticipation of turning the next one to see what happens. And, although I suppose I could peek at the end, it doesn't feel the same as flipping to the last page, quickly scanning for meaningful information, and then slamming it shut because I don't want to know too much. Glancing at the conclusion is a delicate balance, honed through years of practice.

Whenever I'm embarking on a new adventure, I tend to buy lots of books related to it. When I got sober, I bought everything my sponsor suggested. While working on my MLA (Masters of Landscape Architecture), I scoured half-priced bookstores for anything related to landscape architecture or plants. During my teaching years, I searched for classroom management manuals or writing tips. And, since I love to travel, I've picked up numerous books in that subject as well.

I suppose I come by this love of books honestly. My grandmother (for whom I'm named) collected books about Texas, which my father continued. After his death, my brother and I split them up. Some of them are dry accounts of the economics or legislature of the State at the time, but many of them are first hand accounts of life in the "olden" days.

My library is more manageable (size-wise) than in the past, but I miss the books I've given away (some of which I've replaced!). Hopefully we'll move into our forever home in CO in the not-too-distant future, and my heart goes pitty-pat when I find pictures of a home with bookshelves. I see myself, lounging on a chaise in front of a fire, blissfully reading while the snow falls gently outside.

*sigh*

It just doesn't get much better than that.

Are you a bibliophile? Do you have piles of books? How do you feel about e-books versus print books?

Have you been there?

Psssssttttt.......

noreply@blogger.com (Claire Lopez) — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 18:51:00 +0000

Maybe you haven't noticed, but there's a cool (and FREE) little e-book over here on the right. It delineates the method I used to create the awesome letters I used in the classroom to connect with my kids. I think this tool could be used with any grade, or by counselors, youth ministers, parents and anyone who lives or works with kids.

Go ahead.....download it! You don't even have to sign up for anything!

I also want to say, on Thanksgiving Eve here in the US, that I'm so grateful to each and every one of you who stops by, comments, and/or subscribes! You are the ones who keep me writing! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Have a lovely Thanksgiving Day, and remember that an attitude of gratitude makes EVERY day a holiday!