Almost Famous

How I almost ruined Christmas magic for a 5 year old

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sun, 12 Jan 2020 21:50:00 -0800

Last month, a few days prior to Christmas, we were having a usual evening at home with the kids. There had been a few Christmas related activites over the November-December period - a few bump-into Santa Clauses in shopping malls, a school performance with cacophonous children singing Christmas carols and a few complicated conversations explaining Jesus worshipers vs. Ganesha worshipers.

That evening just before bedtime, our son Vedant asked a straightforward question - "Appa - is Santa Claus real ?", he said.

If 12 years of witnessing stellar leadership and marketing in various organizations had taught me anything, it was the importance of millenials to the growth strategy. Which is irrelevant in this situation. The other lesson I'd learnt from leaders is that you should never address an issue directly if the topic can be be muddled and left unaddressed. And so the conversation continued.

"What do you mean 'Is Santa Claus real' ?", I asked.

"I mean does he exist ?"

"Well what do you think ?"

"I don't think he is real. Is he ?"

Here I thought if Vedant is already on the path of enlightenment and objectivity, why should I steer him in another direction ?

"You are right. He is not real." I said.

Vedant's shoulders visibly drooped. "Oh I wish he was real and I could meet him on Christmas Day."

Later on after the kids had slept off, my wife said - "There is so much beauty in the idea of Santa Claus. He's just 5. You shouldn't have burst the concept so early in life".

"Well maybe the whole Santa thing is just an excuse for getting gifts", I said, brushing it off. But the guilt lingered on. Keeping aside the commercial obligation of gifting and the constant GDPR data privacy violation style of vigilance, there are so many little aspects to the Santa fable that defies the everyday life - the irrational flight of reindeers up in the sky, the impossible task of delivering gifts to all children on one night, the improbable appearance of Santa Claus in familiar places running up to the actual Christmas day. And I had successfully ruined another 5 years of such harmless imagination by asking Vedant to view life just as a collection of what is feasible.

The next morning, evidently Vedant had been mulling about the same topic as well.

"Appa, yesterday when you mentioned Santa Claus is not real - you were tricking me right ?"

Jebus has saved me! I thought in my head.

"OF COURSE I was tricking you."

"So Santa did read my letter and that's how I got my scooter ?", he asked with glittering eyes.

"OF COURSE!", I said. "That's how he knew what to get you for Christmas. And so we all went and bought it together at Decathalon."

He pulled out the letter from the drawer and stared at it, beaming - "See, wasn't it a good idea to write this to Santa ?", he said.

The letter was still in our house, the trip to Decathalon was like any other shopping visit, the scooter purchase happened 2 weeks prior to Christmas, the delivery was not done by reindeers. Yet none of this mattered to the 5 year old. He rode the scooter, imagining that a rotund man in a red costume had sanctioned the purchase.

A Christmas miracle I say!

Generic Indian Guy Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Fri, 2 Aug 2019 00:07:00 -0700

Note: You can read 'Generic India Guy' Part 1 here. Dear Generic Indian Dad, I see you all the time - at kids sports classes, at mustafa, at birthday parties, at play gyms. You and I have a lot in common. I share a similar routine as yours - shuttling child(ren) from one activity to another, rationing screen time, feeding them sugar supplanted with some veggies, tiring them out till they fall asleep, otherwise simply known as parenting. I would like to get to know you better, but I hesitate. I admire your copious efforts trying to raise your child to be adorable, curious, competitive yet humble, fluent in your mother tongue yet versatile in French, comfortable with Bharatnatyam and ballet . Basically a Shakrukh Khan from DDLJ without the hamming. I have met you a few times now and always made it a point to exchange polite nods before retracting to my familiar friend circle. I know deep down in my heart, that in a parallel universe we are the best of friends. We are perhaps jointly dissecting the World Cup cricket shots of Rohit Sharma. But not in this world unfortunately. Back at the age of 25, it was tedious to make new, meaningful friendships. Now a decade later it feels downright impossible. You and your wife look like an amazing couple. I see you playing with your adorable child (in a non creepy way). I learnt you have bestowed her with a beautiful Fab India name. The double As in the name as well as the twisted spelling makes the child stand out, just like the other hundreds who have done the same thing. There is no better way to give a child grit, articulation skills, patience and resilience than giving them an awkwardly spelt name. As long as the name has not degenerated to ABCDE, it's cool. You believe you are neither the extreme helicopter parent nor the hands-off kind letting the child discover her true potential kind. You may have managed to find the perfect balance. Good for you. -------------- It was good seeing you again last month. I see your definition of weekend dressing over the decade has progressed from striped t-shirt, baggy jeans and sneakers to relatively tighter shirts and shorts. You are no longer awkward about wearing stunted socks that cling just below your ankle. I suppose you occasionally worry your receding hairline. You hope your Virat Kohli stubble helps balance things out, but secretly know inside it isn't. If it is any consolation, your friends and spouse have made peace with your hair length. So don't worry. -------------- Last weekend when I finally got to know your name, I looked you up on social media. In a non creepy way. I see your LinkedIn profile now proudly displays the word 'Speaker'. I guess that means a lot to you. If we were friends I would probably have liked most of your Instagram posts - your family, against the backdrop of that French Gothic architecture church or some LOTR style New Zealand landscape. But I'll refrain for now. ------------- Let's make a pact friend. Next time when we bump into each other at that birthday party, let's spend some quality time together. I have some great parenting topics in mind - like why is Skye the pink pup from Paw Patrol is an acceptable favorite icon in 2019, but human form Princesses & Barbies propagate stereotypes. And in the spirit of gender equality, whether being a father will also be co-christened in the future as the hardest job in the world. I hope you'll look forward to that discussion. Next time you are standing in the shopping aisle, tediously choosing the right variety of healthy Wholemeal Atta for your family, and feeling anxious whether you have really made the right choice in life - don't worry. I'll always be there for you (in a non creepy way).

Your Generic Indian Friend

The Case of the Hindi Towel

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sun, 14 Jul 2019 16:29:00 -0700

Since it's 2019, let me start with a disclaimer that the title is not a Typo. This is not the case of A Hindu Towel, or The Hindu Towel. Whatever that contraption may be will likely generate copious Nationalism sweat (enter Towel) or offend someone's secular towel beliefs. This is about an innocuous labeling system which was followed in my family right up till around 2005.

As a brief foreword, we are a Tamilian family, my father was an officer in the armed forces for over 20 years. In my childhood years we were living across multiple North / East India cities. There was the expected amalgamation of habits, traditions and even household items that straddled North and South Indian culture. The two cultural systems had to co-exist.

I guess my parents were apprehensive that in this confused upbringing their children may lose perspective of those cultural roots passed down over a thousand years, and those adopted recently. Or maybe it was just to avoid the inconvenience of using verbose descriptions. So this necessity gave birth to an ingenious labeling system. Categorization Marie Kondo would be proud of.

To simplify, things from the South were "Tamil".
and things from the North were "Hindi".
Things with roots in the North became Hindi Thing.
Things with South Indian roots became Tamil Thing.
Note this was pure stereotyping without the heavy burden of racism.

To illustrate:

Murgugan calendar with the pleasing countenance of the Lord was "Tamil Calendar"
Any other 12 month generic calendar was Hindi Calendar.

Tamil Calendar	Hindi Calendar

The kitchen had an amalgamation of cutlery - chinaware, Yera glass sets with a piece or two missing and lots of steel stuff. Within these, the steel coffee glasses with a distinctly short height and small base were 'Tamil Tumbler'. Tall glasses, suitable but rarely used for serving lassi, were 'Hindi Tumbler.

Tamil Tumbler	Hindi Tumbler

We experienced a mix of Hindu religion traditions. Ceremonies at home, in the neighborhood, and a bunch of temple visits over years in our place of stay and in hometowns. So to classify temples - Bright white marble temples with the Ram/Sita/Durga gods decorated with red bling were 'Hindi Kovil'.
Somber, darker stone temples, typically featuring navagraham were 'Tamil Kovil'.

Tamil Kovil	Hindi Kovil

Back at home, describing daily dishes became simpler. Hence dal with tadka became "Hindi Dal". Plain dal consumed with fresh rice and possibly rasam became 'Tamil Dal'.

Tamil Dal	Hindi Dal

Now, you may say that there is a descriptive word for every such category - parrupu vs. dal, Gi-laas vs. Tumbler and so on. But to quote a famous dead guy "Innovation is not about saying "yes" to everything. It's about saying "no" to all but the most crucial features."

Well what about the damn towel you ask ?

Well I think eventually it was inevitable for the system to have 'Scope Creep'. The two types of towels in the house (fluffy hotel style thick towels, thin cotton towels) were also classified as Hindi Towel and Tamil Towel; Although neither have any deep North/South cultural roots.

Tamil Towel	Hindi Towel

I grew up comfortably using this terminology at home. Then on an odd day in college around 2005, I referred to my towel as 'Tamil Towel' and had to provide some embarrassing explanation. It was then I also had the profound realization that the rest of the world doesn't operate the same way.

I still stand by this robust system though. So if you are a democrat living with a republican , or a Caucasian married to an Indian, feel free to use this methodology. As commission you can treat to a nice hot bowl of Hindi Dal and Hindi Parantha.

P.s: not to sound racist, but between Sarvana Bhavan 'Tamil' Parotta and Normal 'Hindi' Parantha, the latter is definitely tastier. Discuss.

Tamil Kothu Parotta	Hindi Parantha

Who Does it Better - Vivo or Lenovo?

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 19:31:00 -0700

In this Who Does it Better series, we will contrast 2 pieces of communication with very similar objectives and evaluate which brand does a better job for the defined objective. Examples used in this series will be common FMCG categories so the application of communication principles feels real.

For this exercise we will use a simple framework called 'ABC': Attention, Branding and Communication (also expanded to ABCs in some forums).

In this post we will evaluate communication for 2 smartphone brands: Vivo and Lenovo (India creatives)

Category	Smartphones
Target Audience	Users looking for their (next) smartphone
Insight	'My current smartphone is not fast enough'

Watch the 2 ads below:

Vivo V3 Max - Faster than Faster

Lenovo S660 - Ultrafast Processor

So who does it better in this Ranveer vs. Ranbir face-off for a faster smartphone?

First let's evaluate Vivo.
'A' Attention - . The creative is strong on Attention. The exhilarated fan & Ranveer interaction catches attention The ad execution choice of rapid shots to show fast action is distinctive, while also conveying the brand message of speed.
'B' Branding - The phone speed is central to the story of the ad and hence I'd rate this creative strong on branding. Linking brand Vivo with this execution will happen over a period of time with repeated usage of Ranveer (which the brand has done here, here and here).
'C' Communication - The creative is single minded in communicating that the smartphone is fast. The dramatic focus is on the speed and Ranveer helps deliver that message, instead of distracting the viewer from it.

Now let's look at Lenovo.
'A' Attention - The creative is very strong on Attention. The combination of Ranbir and an Einstein caricature is distinctive and engaging.
'B' Branding - The creative is weak on branding. The role of the brand is not central to the drama. The only way Lenovo has been consistent is in using Ranbir as their ambassador over a sustained period and across their product ranges (as done here and here). However this in no way compensates the need for a central brand role in every communication. Also given the other campaigns Ranbir represents with similar one up-ism drama (Lays, Pepsi, Hero motors) or his association with Panasonic, mis-attribution is very likely for this creative
'C' Communication - The creative is weak in this aspect. While it is single minded on the benefit of 'fast', the dramatic focus is on Ranbir and Einstein and away from the smartphone. Hence viewers will remember the execution, but may not remember the brand or the category.

So for this smartphone ad comparison my vote will be for Vivo. What do you think ?

Note: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are my own and do not necessarily reflect the position of any other agency or organization.

Who Does it Better - Pediasure or Enfagrow ?

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Thu, 28 Jun 2018 21:16:00 -0700

In this Who Does it Better series, we will contrast 2 pieces of communication with very similar objectives and evaluate which brand does a better job for the defined objective. Examples used in this series will be common FMCG categories so the application of communication principles feel real.

For this exercise we will use a simple framework called 'ABC': Attention, Branding and Communication (also expanded to ABCs in some forums).

Let's begin our journey with the first communication set for 2 brands Pediasure and Enfagrow (Malaysia campaigns)

Category	MFD (Milk Food Drinks)
Target Audience	Mothers with children 3-8 Years
Insight	'I am always looking for better ways to help my child grow and develop (faster than others)'

Watch the 2 ads below:

Enfagrow A+ - Breakthrough in child nutrition

Pediasure - See improvement in growth

So who does it better ?

First let's evaluate Enfagrow.
'A' Attention - The creative is below average on distinctiveness. The heavy proportion of time spent on the science of DHA and MFGM is not engaging. There is lack of focus on the mother & the child's growth.
'B' Branding - The creative is average on branding. Typical brand elements like the logo, pack, brand name are reinforced in the ad and MFGM as an RTB (reason to believe) is also a consistent ingredient. However Enfagrow's role is not central to the benefit of child nutrition.
'C' Communication - The creative would score quite low on this element. The dramatic focus of the communication is on the product ingredient (MFGM) and mode of action (DHA complex) and sidelines the child benefit of growth and nutrition. Consequently it communicates multiple things and does not unlock interest.

Now let's look at Pediasure.
'A' Attention - The creative is above average on distinctiveness, The mother & the child's growth is central to the ad and can grab attention.
'B' Branding - The creative is strong on Branding. Pediasure plays a clear role in the child's transformation (8 weeks later) and hence is central to the communication. Other sticky branding elements like the purple colour help as well.
'C' Communication - The creative is strong on this element. The dramatic focus of the communication is solely on child growth and there is a relevant RTB (25 key ingredients) supporting this claim. Visualization of the benefit (child growth) is very impactful and will unlock interest.

So for this first exercise we have a clear preference for Pediasure as a better piece of communication. What are your thoughts ?

Note: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are my own and do not necessarily reflect the position of any other agency or organization.

6 Marketing Lessons from India's Food Brands

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 00:23:00 -0700

Food Products is the 2nd largest Indian FMCG segment (~18%) and continues to have strong double digit growth over 2014-18. Brands across leading Indian firms and MNCs are leading this by driving accelerated category growth via penetration (new users). This is done through sustained efforts across the marketing mix (pricing, distribution, product innovation, media). However in this article we will focus on the proposition and demonstrate how some of the classic category development principles have been brought to life.

Brands: "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference".
As Byron Sharp explains it, the task at hand for marketeers is to repeatedly recruit the 'light buyers' into the category/brand. This is done by addressing barriers to usage and/or making the proposition distinctive and persuasive.

(1) Address category usage barriers
Taste - 'I don't think it'll taste good (while I want to eat healthy..)'
Saffola Masala Oats: Guilt Free Snacking

Health - 'I don't think it will be healthy'
Maggi Oats Noodles - with 1 bowl of fibre, proteins and veggies

Note: Oats is a fantastic case study of localized product innovation. A food segment which didn't exist in India a decade ago is now giving a good fight to corn flakes and traditional food products. We will probably revisit Oats India later as a separate analysis.

(2) Break the existing habit by making BIG promises
Milk Additives - these brands also need to fight against traditional MFDs like Bournvita and Horlicks. They add benefits well beyond taste (and energy..)
Hershey's Chocolate Syrup: Milk Booster: 2X Milk Calcium in one glass + Chocolatey Taste

Pediasure - Reduces chances of infection, and 50% more growth

Green Tea - Needs to substitute existing milk tea habits. Strong Promises on health and weight loss.
Tetley Green Tea - Cleanses the body from inside

Lipton Green Tea - Helps Reduce Belly Fat

(3) Exemplify usage convenience - 'I don't have the time', 'It's not easy'
Negative perceptions on usage usually prohibit growth in smaller categories. This needs to be tackled in a sustained manner till the category becomes familiar. This approach also needs to be combined with solutions on driving fast trial via low price packs.

ID Vada Batter - pack that easily shapes batter into vadas

Chings Chinese Soup - Ek minute mein hunger ki bajao

MTR - 3 Minute Breakfast

Hershey's MilkShake - Out of Home Snacking (with Calcium, Vitamin and Taste)

(4) Fit the product seamlessly into an existing consumer routine
Horlicks - Mix Horlicks to increase the power of milk

Note: This strategy is not unique to Horlicks and has quite become the category norm

Dr. Oetker - Mayonnaise: Makes Sandwich/Burger/Roti tastier

(5) Reinvent Traditional Habits
This is a tricky task which requires the product to substitute traditional ingredients without compromising on the cooking procedure or the final taste. However brands can reap immense benefits if consumers adopt the category/brand.

Reinvented Breakfast - Saffola Oats Poha

Reinvented Snacks and Sweets - Hershey's Syrup - Strawberry Flavor Coconut Ladoo

(6) Bring in the kiddos! (There's no force more powerful in the world than a nagging kid in the shopping aisle..)

Kinder Joy - New Surprises with every pack: build a new world of imagination

Dominos Burger Pizza

Do you have more examples or principles to share? Do add your comments.

Sources:
https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/business/india-business/fmcg-industry-likely-to-grow-by-over-15-in-2-3-years/articleshow/57537148.cms
https://www.ibef.org/industry/fmcg-presentation
https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/industry/cons-products/food/health-foods-market-crosses-rs10000-crore-in-revenue/articleshow/54010260.cms
Saffola 2014 case study: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhwECfsvOQ8

3 Cheat codes to build effective product demo communication

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sun, 1 Apr 2018 11:12:00 -0700

Before we get to the cheat codes, there are 3 prerequisites to create effective product demo communication:

An Inspiring Brief – to enable the creative agency to create magic the brief needs to be single minded, without complicated RTB constructs & multi-benefit deadweight.
The dramatic focus needs to be only on the product performance - it is critical to eliminate laddered benefits and emotional pay-offs to free up creative space.
Execution needs to be distinctive and ownable by the brand - this is more tricky and needs consistency from the brand over a longer period.

There are 3 approaches / cheat codes:

(1) Dramatize Benefits from your product usage or the Hero Features - the product benefit / feature here needs to be bold and distinctive to drive consumer persuasion. A few recent examples include the new Nike React, Samsung phone waterproof feature and from Indian brands the new furniture advertising from Urban Ladder (creative reference available in the blog video above).

(2) Contrast your product’s superior benefit with competition - This is the core communication platform typically for FMCG and its famous 'Product Window'. For effective communication, the chosen functional benefit needs to be core to the category and where superiority can be showcased discernibly. For instance a diaper communication highlighting more variety in diaper graphics vs. competition is unlikely to drive persuasion as it is not a category driver.

(3) Dramatize failure of competition / Non-Usage - Here the consumer interest is unlocked by dramatizing the current predicament with competitive products or non usage. Magic happens when the drama is based on a strong cultural, category or consumer insight.

Do watch the video to see some global and local (Indian) executions for each of the routes. What are your thoughts ?

Smartphone Advertising in India in 2016 - Who's doing a better job?

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sat, 9 Jul 2016 22:55:00 -0700

This analysis compares communication from multiple brands including Apple, Moto, Karbonn, Oppo and Panasonic to evaluate who is doing a better job with TV communication to gain consumer preference and market share.

Disclaimers

The analysis is only for the communication quality. The final business results will be impacted by many other critical factors including product experience, pricing, availability and other brand assets.
All TV advertising copyrights belong to respective companies.
Views expressed are personal and not representing any organization.

Sources:

TV Ads: Youtube

Smartphone market analysis: https://www.canalys.com/newsroom/lenovo-and-apple-are-fastest-growing-among-india%E2%80%99s-top-10-smart-phone-vendors

Indian Couples - how are they depicted in advertising today?

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sun, 14 Jun 2015 19:40:00 -0700

The Indian couple has evolved rapidly over past few years - this video takes us through a short journey of current advertising to understand how couples are being represented by brands. Is there a pattern?

Across various categories including ecommerce, home care and lifestyle products, we see 4 broad patterns in storytelling depicting husband and wife:

1) Equality is not a request...it's a demand.
2) It's ok if the wife wins.
3) Husbands need to sacrifices too
4) The new equations may look odd, but they are real.

What do you think? Drop in your comments

There are things money can't buy

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Fri, 3 Apr 2015 05:38:00 -0700

Parenting comes with some tough moments. The worst in the list is what I call The Walk of Shame - when you lug the baby around the mall while the stroller moves unoccupied, or worse stuffed with shopping bags. As you take embarrassed steps around the squeaky floors, you can feel the eyes of fellow parents boring on you - those judging expressions, that look of disappointment. The unoccupied stroller is a loud public statement that you've made a poor purchase, you've not trained your kids well, you goofed up as a parent and lugging the baby around you are literally feeling the pain.

Note: Speaking of pain, my wife said that labour was harder than mall discomfort, but we agree to disagree on that.

The desire to give the best to your child comes in direct conflict with the gut feel which warns you of an uncertain, irrational purchase. But we ignore those signals and move forward. Strollers, Carriers, Cribs, Car Seats - lying unused, dusty like giant symbols of poor decisions.

Even the little toys, teethers, rattles we buy have a slim success rate - It's like as parents our life is the priceless mastercard advertisment on loop. Like last month we bought a Mini-Lego building set for our baby; the pieces are lost but the box is still alive and part of his playset.

When we make a poor choice for ourselves, it's easy to hide, forget or change the story in front of our peers - 'I actually like this shade'... 'yeah the mileage in fact is quite decent'... 'It's a fantastic role in strategy management...'

We don't know what the babies want. Neither do they. But they have no complex social constructs and happily choose to ignore what they don't like. Meanwhile Fisher Price and Leapfrog come up with the next Baby iPad telling us that babies learn every moment of the day and the latest gizmos are the best tool for that. That's like Apple asking us to buy iPhone 6 because it's bigger than bigger.

So I want to start a movement - uniting parents for joint introspection to help understand their LO (little ones) better. I'll call it called "Look at all the stupid crap I bought for the baby" movement. We are still working on the title. It'll be replete with Memes and hashtags like #stupidbabycrap

While things are tough now, I have a feeling that things are going to get better soon. Once the kids grow slightly older I am sure they will make informed choices - like choosing to study vs. fooling around on playstation, politely walking along in the mall with no tantrums, obediently going to bed at 9pm.... But I could be wrong..

The Worst Time to Be a Kid in India

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sat, 8 Nov 2014 20:49:00 -0800

Dear Kids,

There was a simpler time for parents and kids in India, when a fond ritual was followed every day. Early in the morning Mothers would leave milk to boil, while trying to wake up resistant, drooling, sleepy kids. After dragging their bums to the dining table, moms would attempt to give the kids a healthy start to the day with milk. To camouflage the unpalatable stench of freshly heated milk, mothers would mix something chocolaty in it. Children would gulp down the glass and that was it.

Sigh...Apparently it's no longer enough for the milk to taste good; Over time the chocolaty thingies have morphed into agents of good, promising an unhealthy dose of competitive streak, making the world of kids closer to a rat race than it already is. This is grave warning for you - here are those terrifying commercials currently on air. For the sake of your future, if you see your parents watching these accidentally on TV, change the channel immediately!

First on the list is Complan (#KhaataKyaHai ).

The product promises to trigger abnormal growth and catapult you right to the front of the school drill, where obviously as the school pet you'll get to wave an embarrassing flag while parents wildly cheer you. Consequently bullies will pick on you and the whole class will despise you for being a smug jackass. Where are the options for the lazy kids who'd rather sit raking up scores on Temple Run than run? Thanks Complan - because of the disproportionate growth triggered by you all the Complan Boys are all going to have ruined childhoods.

Second on the list is Boost (#NoHashTag)

Boost was best known for squeaky Sachin Tendulkar, who etched the soprano tagline into everyone's brains - "Boost is the secret of my energy". That's basically what we expected to happen: Kids getting an absurd shot of sugar high energy, and punching their friends, scraping their knees till their glucose levels would come crashing down. However with the new formula for Boost, you are signing for a long term plan - an unimaginable 120 days of hard labour, like a gym membership which causes grave regret after 24 hours. Anything less than 120 days of Boost consumption will lead to squat. On the 120th day, you'll get an alien like glow from within and grow in height. At least they are not thrusting a flag in your hands...

Last one is Bournvita (#TaiyaariJeetKi)

The scariest of the lot is Bournvita, which is meant exclusively for tiger moms who would probably lead agitations in India to make the JEEs 'more' competitive. As a kid, if you are included in the Bournvita group, prepare to become a hoodie wearing, rocky style boxer. You'll need to drop out of school and voluntarily get punched in the face. While other kids will be building sandcastles, you'll be punching the sand instead. As you face punches, your mom will have a content look on her face being reminded of the Thank you Mom P&G ad (The hardest job in the world is the best job in the world), not realizing that getting whacked in a boxing ring is way harder than being a mom.

Kids, I think you'll to make some hard choices right now - You may give up the whole sugary taste and resign to having just plain milk. Enduring those torturous few minutes in the morning is better than being unpopular in school, slogging for 120 days or getting punched in the face.

Or you could trust this Doctor, who otherwise is known for being a fool in the movie 3 idiots, and use what's being recommended in this commercial.

We are not clear on the details, but it does promise to make you Taller, Stronger, Sharper.

Regards
~~Horlicks Team~~
Anonymous

p.s: Dear Nestle, Cadburys, GSK - I may work for your organizations some day. Please forgive any transgressions.

Celeb Secrets Revealed - India's most famous plastic surgery

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 10:46:00 -0700

It was a day in the year 2500 BC - A fine evening worthy of merriment. However on this day, one man was unusually perturbed. He entered a relatively desolate lane of his town and stepped into a murky looking store. The board read "A-1 Clinic".

"I wanted to enquire about your plastic surgery services."

The surgeon observed that the man enquring was peculiar - his eyes a bit hazy, and some overdose of Ponds Dream Talc. There were some odd tattoos and skull accessories, but nothing too different from his usual clientele.

"Well we do a whole range of services - transplants, nose jobs, plumping. And it'll all be very discreet.... Is this about your blue neck? We can touch up and get rid of that right away".

"Thanks. The blue neck happened after amm...one crazy night I had with my head banging mountain boys. But that's not why I am here."

"Oh. So how can I help?"

"This is actually for my teenage son. What's your expertise in facial surgery"

"Well teenagers are our specialty. What is this about? Simple acne? Or some bigger fix on the face like the nose or eyes?

"How about the whole head?"

"The whole head?"

"Yes. You see, My son and I were having an argument and I accidentally chopped off his head...It's all a bit fuzzy...Anyway, I wanted to check if you do any head replacements."

"Sure we can. Where is your son right now. We can get started right away."

"He's strolling in a nearby mall. I've left him in this kids play area so he doesn't bump into something which might you know..injure him. Although I think he's terrified all the other toddlers out there."

"That's not unusual. Some of our plastic surgery patients handled at night turn out to be quite scary. We will go with your guidance then. Would you say he's medium size?"

"I would play safe and go with XXXL. He's not been watching his diet too well since..well since birth."

The surgeon considered the XXXL request for a second.

"Well we do have some fresh stock. How keen are you for your son to retain his original look?"

"Actually I am quite hazy about his original appearance - I usually spend my days on the top of Mount Kailash. I am into Yoga nowadays."

"I see. Well, the head replacement I had in mind will work great for your XXXL son. Firstly, he'll have great memory. The nose is a bit obtuse - I mean, not like (insert racist comment) people. But slightly better. Would that be ok?

"Yes sure."

"He may also require some dental work at a later date, his canine teeth are a bit out there. But we will give you a voucher so you can try out our partner firm A-1 Dental Services".

"That's great. So can you wrap this up quickly? I need to be home for dinner in a couple of hours."

"This shouldn't take more than an hour. You can get your son in now. If you want to kill time you can head to a Family Restaurant nearby."

"Is it a Family restaurant and BAR?"

"Yes?"

"BAR with Smoking?"

"Yes. But then you can't sit in the family section".

"OK. What if I want to boogie?"

"With that outfit, I don't think anyone will stop you."

"Sweet. I'll see you later."

6 hours later the man floats back to the clinic - "Wow that party was awesome! Did I forget something here?"

"You were supposed to pick up your son a while ago. He's sitting outside and is quite hungry. I suggest you buy some ladoos along the way."

He walks back home with his son.

"Dad, what happened to you?"

"I don't remember. Did something happen to you? You look different."

"I don't remember either."

"Hmm...I thought this was supposed to be the start of good times.."

A week later another man walks into A-1 clinic and asks for the surgeon.

"My friend told me you can do some real magic with head plastic surgery. He had one replaced. I actually would like to have some removed."

"Yes of course we can help you. Your name please?

"Brahma".

(Inspired by "true" events, and our Indian PM's blurred understanding of mythology and science)

If you liked this you may also like to read:
Mangalyaan: A Guide to countering Mangal Dosh via Lord Hanuman
The Source of Atheism
So what do you call him?

Mangalyaan: A Guide to countering Mangal Dosh via Lord Hanuman

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sun, 28 Sep 2014 03:50:00 -0700

#Mangalyaan was a great success , thanks to the countless hours spent by the ISRO scientists who made this happen. Reports state that they prayed to Lord Balaji (Source). To hedge their risks some of them might have also prayed to Lord Hanuman to counter Mangal Dosh (Mars ill-effect) . This Hanuman prayer for protection from Mars may have helped the team enter the orbit of Mars; the jury is out on that one. Speaking of Hanuman, in the recent past there was a bizarre incident regarding an Aadhaar UID which captured people's interest briefly. Let’s talk about that. If you suspect that this #mangalyaan introduction was just a thinly veiled segue to my dated post, you are right…

A few weeks ago we learnt that an Aadhar Card was issued for Lord Hanuman with a legitimate 12 digit ID (news link) The police eventually figured out that this regressive action was conceived by a progressive person named Vikas. His intentions for applying for a fake God ID were not malicious – but rather stemmed from some perplexing frustration at the Indian Government systems. What should not surprise you is the ensuing actions from the police – i.e “penalizing the enrollment agency”. But in this whole chaos you may have missed a few critical aspects of the incident which convey very heartwarming qualities about our culture.

First is the choice of picture for the card. The prankster Vikas had some wild choices given the level of media coverage for Hanuman’s life in his era – like multi god action picture, or literally chest bearing shoots, or even recent ones featuring Dara Singh. But he chose a front facing picture clearly adhering to identity card norms. Hanuman ji happens to be wearing a fat pearl string. I think a bit of jewelry even for male applicants is ok, as long as it doesn’t cover facial features. So that was commendable.

Second was the Father’s Name in the card, which was declared as Pawan. Our trickster could have used any other Father name - like Rahman and stirred some deep, philosophical debates about Hanuman's real origins. But he chose to stay authentic and adhered to the complicated hindu mythology.

Thirdly, there was a clear mark of respect with the addition of Ji to both the card and his mythological father (Hanuman ji and Pawan ji). This clearly shows deep Indian values. Assuming Hanuman ji was a January born Capricorn was probably a quirky, mischievous move from Vikas. Considering the loyalty and calm temperament, except for the odd city burning tendencies, I would have pegged the Lord to be a Scorpio. But I could be wrong.

You might also have missed the immediate actions taken up by the officials upon discovery of the card. From the fake card having a fake deity’s identity picture and fake DOB, they chose to try the phone number listed in the card. This is a clear sign of optimisim. I am not sure whether they were stunned by the outcome, but they accurately conveyed to the news agencies that the number was unreachable.

And finally, it was decided by the local postal department head Gobraj that the card would be sent back to the Bangalore UIDAI Centre as there was no recipient. This shows a clear respect for hierarchy and processes. Hanuman ji, the savior of those in trouble, the protector of the down trodden will probably have his card buried in a government cupboard classified under a ‘Person Unavailable’ tag along with a ~million other fake IDs (News link)

In case I do decide to get an Aadhaar card one day, I’ll pick some lessons from this incident. I might not use a God’s picture, but I’ll consider wearing a string of Pearls.

The Battle for the Online Indian Consumer - Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Tue, 20 May 2014 11:39:00 -0700

India boasts of big numbers. As of March 2013, India has 160 million internet users, and 86 million active users of mobile internet. The potential however is much bigger, with 430 million internet enabled mobile devices. Facebook, the poster child for India mobile usage, gets 30% of its new users via mobile registration, and 30% of its users are mobile only internet users.

Multiple businesses are actively pursuing this opportunity in 2014. In the first 5 months, we have seen campaigns from 6 separate websites - a significant portion of the campaigns are focused solely on mobile usage. Let's try and understand the intent behind each campaign and assess their effectiveness.

Note: The business objectives and campaign effectiveness mentioned below are based on own opinion and do not include any official inputs.

Key drivers of ecommerce business are broadly the factors below.

1. Product assortment - what the business offers within its declared universe

2. Experience - the usage journey from search, purchase to delivery

3. Pricing - offering a competitive price vs. offline or competing online channels

A combination of these help in driving consumer switching from traditional channels. However for brand positioning it is risky to solely depend on pricing. Over a longer period this is unlikely to deliver a winning model. This holds true for traditional channels too!

Part 1 - Acquiring Consumer Base

These campaigns have a clear objective of driving website awareness and new traffic.

Amazon India

The Amazon India campaign is spot on. They have picked 2 core drivers - assortment ("Over 1.5 Crore Products") and usage experience ("Guaranteed 1 Day Delivery"). The competitive couple context is also distinctive and breaks through clutter. The website is investing in deep discounting to close the sale once users seek desired products on Amazon. Hence while they offer cheaper products their positioning isn't based on pricing.

Magicbricks.com

Magicbricks promises to clear all confusion and mystery in property searches with an easy interface and thorough information. This is nicely contrasted with a caricatured property agent. Multiple creatives drive a consistent message. Since the competitors are not investing in awareness campaigns (like 99acres), magicbricks is likely to get good growth from the campaign.

Lenskart.com

Key question Lenskart needs to answer is why should consumers choose lenskart over the other giants like Flipkart and Amazon. The current launch campaign and the website experience doesn't do that. The storytelling with Purab is a bit laborious compared to other campaigns. The variety of products within eyecare is well established. Pricing incentives are kicked in when users land on the website - from offering first-frame free to 25% above purchase thresholds.

Snapdeal.com

Snapdeal covers a whole spectrum of products - from clothing to electronics to home accessories. This is communicated well via separate creatives. The snoopy maid character is distinctive and they should ideally hold on to the theme for a while. The key watchout is positioning of "Bachate Raho" which is hard to sustain long term.

Note: I still don't get the punchline "Madam asking to no, mein askoongina to click click"...

Quikr.com

Quikr's idea is based on delivering MSP (Maximum Selling Price) to the consumer. Multiple commercials are focused on the idea of a better price deal. This seems like a very limiting proposition for a peer-to-peer exchange website. Quikr will need to drive strengths on either usage experience or assortment (which is harder given that's dependent on user additions).

Do add your comments. In Part 2 we will look at campaigns driving mobile as a preferred device.

Source:

Avendus: http://www.avendus.com/Files/Fund%20Performance%20PDF/Avendus_Report-India's_Mobile_Internet-2013.pdf

Nielsen: http://www.nielsenglobal.com.br/us/en/newswire/2014/e-commerce-its-an-evolution-not-a-revolution.html

Mobile Playbook: http://www.themobileplaybook.com/en-us/

A Review of Indian Election Inspired Advertising

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sat, 10 May 2014 10:28:00 -0700

It's election season in India for the past few months and the topic has dominated online and offline discussions. And when elections are the central activity / attention of the nation, as a marketeer for FMCG brands, it's quite tempting to plan creatives around the topic during the season. Over late 2013 and 2014, we have seen at least 11 Indian brands which have developed dedicated commercials around the election theme. The categories have been quite diverse from noodles to electrical wires, telecom to vests. Given the marketing investment backing these campaigns, let's try to answer the obvious question: When does it make sense to plan an election themed advertising for your brand?

The role of advertising is to 1) Get a brand noticed and 2) Refresh and improve brand association using distinctive cues. This grows brand mental salience for the consumer and hopefully then grows market share! (source). In addition to the usual advertising principles (where we assess the creative within the category universe), in this case the risk of category misattribution is also much higher due to multi category clutter around a similar theme. And hence creatives need to be strengthened on their category as well as brand cues.

So what should be the criteria for deciding election themed advertising?

IDEAL

When the commercial is along a broader, consistent positioning of being an agent of (social) change or new ideas. In this case elections and the expected societal positive change would dovetail well with the brand's message. Tata Tea has done this well consistently since 2007.

Havells - "Tazaa Hava Chali Hai" (A fresh breeze)

Havells has stuck to its theme of bringing freshness to the environment, this time beautifully blending this with election situations, both pre and post election. Here are the other commercials (1 and 2).

Idea - "No Ullu Banaaowing"

The ad is a part of a larger series from Idea about enabling Indians to deal with everyday lies using the internet. The election edit works well with the internet subject, Idea here indirectly enabling positive social change.

GOOD

When the core brand benefit can be laddered up to any positive election emotion. This includes derived attributes like strength, honesty, stability, consistency. This is typically the model for evolved FMCG categories where the brand usage leads to an emotional pay-off (Skin Care: confidence, progress ; Fabric care: positive appreciation from family or colleagues). The creative theme has to work a lot harder in this case to link the brand benefit with the emotional idea.

Fevicol: Election Chair

This ad is probably the best creative execution of the lot with extremely relevant and humorous references to the election battle, while finding a clean spot to embed the brand benefit in the story.

Berger Easy Clean - Clean your walls easily

The sub-brand's benefit of easy clean-up has been linked with the favourite topic of corruption and system clean-up. The creative is average though.Other easy clean ads here and here.

PASSABLE
When the brand has some awareness which can be boosted with a distinctive election execution.

Dollar Baniyan

The ad tries to play on the dual meaning of 'Fit' - fit for comfort and fit for the role. The product is integrated well into the execution and the message.

Dairy Milk

The brand has used the election theme to advertise their full collection and chosen not to develop any TVC. The executions are across outdoor and social media - distinctive and tactical.

Ambuja Cement - 'Break down unwanted walls and for strong walls use Ambuja Cement'

The brand's promise of strong walls comes through well in the executions. However the execution could have been made more interesting when compared to the other brands (view here and here)

NOT OK
- When the brand has zero or little awareness and hence no association in the consumer's mind
- Executions with little linkage to the original brand benefit / association

ITC Noodles - Party

The brand message of tasty, long, slurpy noodles association (here and here) has taken a backseat while the lengthy AAP reference distracts from the brand benefit.

RR Kabel (Cable Wires) - Choose your candidates well

This brand has not been advertised in the past, and linking their launch commercial to elections would not be beneficial

Hero Hf Deluxe - New Bike for New India

Hero launched the bike in March 2014. The ad recall would probably be good, but the association with the bike brand would be quite weak. And this is not helpful for a launch campaign.

What do you think? Do add your comments.

Crying babies - A Guide to New Fathers for Efficient Crisis Resolution

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sat, 3 May 2014 10:45:00 -0700

Mothers (in India or any other country) have some weird feeling called motherly instinct to guide them around their infants. Unfortunately millions of us new fathers struggle with our respective babies. The only strong feelings we have resulted in a baby. And while we coasted along with the pregnancy, we are quite prone to being declared useless in handling crises related to our progeny.

Here's a handy flowchart designed for efficient, structured resolution of the situation. Patent pending.

South India References in Recent Pop Culture

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sun, 27 Apr 2014 12:33:00 -0700

Note: This article is a commentary on recent use of South Indian themes and characters in Pop Culture. Pop Culture refers to inclusion in Hindi content both Bollywood and advertising which delivers it to a larger part of India

Bollywood gave South Indian culture its first major appearance in the movie Padosan from 1968 with the iconic song Ek Chatur with Mehmood and his classical rendition.

It was a crude and memorable stereotype and defined ‘South Indian’ for a few decades.The 90s witnessed a steady flow of dubbed South Indian films into Bollywood, but did not really translate into any lasting impact apart from Rahman! (hypothesis). Rajinikanth continued to rule Tamil cinema from 80s while Bollywood lovers were largely oblivious to his existence and grandeur. Kamala Hasan, SPB participated in Bollywood across 80s and 90s - but did not bring along any cultural additions to Bollywood.

Then came along Shahrukh Khan, who since 2007 has regularly referenced Rajini or his symbols in multiple movies. From Yenna Rascala in Om Shanti Om, to the awful Ra.One noodle curd meals in 2011, to the ridiculously successful Chennai Express in 2013. Shahrukh, like his acting style over 2 decades, played it safe and kept things as real as necessary and as superficial as possible.

Yenna Rascala - Om Shanti Om

Kolaveri Di was the bizzare entry in late 2011 that broke the previous rules. The song was unapologetically South Indian in tone. Dhanush was an unknown entity which didn't hinder the song from gathering 79 Million hits. The attitude towards the accent slowly shifted from being odd to being quirky and interesting.

I believe the recent frequent references to South Indian has in turn influenced the advertising world to adopt the same. However, advertising, carries the heavy burden of being relevant, memorable, impactful all within a concise 30 second window. Hence it has been forced to refine and improve upon the idea. Here are a couple of them which have done a good job, either as a one off film or part of a larger campaign.

Voltas All Weather AC - Murthy Campaign (Jan 2013- Current)

The latest ad in the campaign (running since Jan 2013) features a gruff father in-law and the protagonist Murthy. The previous ads have had Murthy traveling all over India from Delhi, to Rajasthan to Chennai enduring different weather conditions and their single solution Voltas AC. The accent is laid on thick and thankfully no references to Rajinikanth.

Idea Internet – No Ullu Banawing: Pashmina (March 2014)

The Idea commercial features 2 South Indian ladies (Tamilian and Malayali?) encountering a devious shopkeeper possibly in Kashmir trying to play on their ignorance of his merchandize. The ad is a part of a larger series from Idea about enabling Indians to deal with everyday lies using the internet.

Centre Fruit - Kaisi Jeeb Laplapayee (March 2013)

This is one of the rare pieces of creatives which have been translated from an original tamil TVC to Hindi (notice the lip sync glitch for the outlet owner). The setup of a tamil tiffin shop was new and details fairly accurate.

Starsports.com – Kanna Keep Calm (April 2014)

The references here are much more subtle - from the innocuous usage of Kanna in the jingle to the dad in his evening veshti verbally thrashing his son. The overall commercial is brilliant and has probably surpassed the Pepsi IPL bulaawa aaya hai campaign in appeal and popularity (405,000 views vs. 150,000 views)

Havells Mixer Grinder – Patni, Chatni

This Havells commercial is part of a new campaign "Respect Women". This ad features a modern couple similar to the Voltas series. But unlike Voltas, the product helps the wife set an equal footing with her husband (while Voltas helps the husband win over his weather flustered wife). The Chutney-Patni clincher will definitely make this a memorable creative. Havells is one of my favourite Indian brands for their consistent storytelling across product lines(check their other product ads Fans, Wires).

From the initial years of Rajini references, this is definitely a positive journey. The accents will get refined over time, as will the culture cues evolve from the standard idli and sambar. Meanwhile, if you excuse I'll get back to my filter coffee and MS Subhalakshmi songs.

Note: Two other recent commercials which I've not included are You Broadband and Boost. YOU is still dependent on a Rajini reference, while Boost was a poor wannabe rip-off of Kolaveri.

Note: Chennai Super Kings Whistle Podu is another strong campaign since 2008 . But here the creative requires clear Tamil references. Hence I've not included it.

India's Tryst with Change

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Tue, 4 Feb 2014 08:23:00 -0800

If we comb through all the households in India, and dig out the 2s, 5s, 10s and 50s, we may be able to arrive at a potential rationale. But for the longest time for unknown reasons, there has been an apparent crisis of change in India. And no I don’t mean change in the RaGa ‘system’ sense :) I am referring to loose change (or ‘chhuta’).

In general, we Indians collectively have a (justified) level of distrust for transactions. And one manifestation of this is in the barter of loose change. The scale has changed over time (from Rs 1s to Rs10 or Rs50s now), but the premise remains the same – ‘I don’t have change with me. You please provide the requisite change to complete the transaction’. Lack of change leads to friction in every transaction – leading to delays (modern retail), stress (toll booths), arguments (autos) and embarrassment (airlines). This can be distilled into this simple cycle:

Cycle of distrust: Nobody wants to let go of their change!

This behavious is something chronic and peculiar only to India. Since the country hasn’t yet moved majorly to plastic/online transactions, the lack of liquidity in micro transactions is puzzling. One good benchmark is Indonesia, where economic factors are similar to India. When seen through the lens of FMCG industry, the usage of cash is still high compared to plastic currency. But in all my visits to the country, lack of change never seems to appear as a problem.

If we look at factors impacting change in transactions, they are mainly # of customers per day as well as systems managing cash flow. So I’ve crudely split our interactions based on Volume of Transactions & Scale of Organization. A few examples are given below:

If type D is without change (low volume of transaction, not scaled up in size), I can understand if there are change issues. But for the other 3 quadrants (A,B and C), the situation is odd and requires intervention. We can bring about a positive transformation by modifying the systems in managing the transactions. And over time the distrust from customers would come down. It would be naïve to combat human behavior first, as it’s incredibly hard to move that at a macro level.

Big Scale organization: system improvement examples

Modern Retail: Have each payment counter start operations in the morning with change for Rs.1,000, instead of hoping that they’ll generate their cash flow along the way, or handing over melody toffee instead of change!

Toll Booths: Rationalize toll charges to be only in multiples of 5. This way the operators have to only deal with Rs. 5 coins.

Airlines: Enable and encourage in-flight transactions via plastic (credit / debit card) by removing any additional charges from the transaction.

Small Scale Organization:

I am not really sure how this can be sorted for these transactions (Autos, Kirana stores), since it’s in their favour if there is lack of change. For Kirana stores it leads to an increased purchase basket and for autos they usually pocket the balance amount.

What are your thoughts?

So what do you call him?

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 08:32:00 -0800

As I have interacted with my Father-In-Law over the past year, I have gotten to know him better. We have grown closer bonding over deep philosophical topics ranging from cricket to property prices, Congress bashing to restaurant dosai quality.

What's astounded me is that I've spent the last 15 months without ever directly addressing him. I don't know what to call my father-in-law.

This hasn't been easy. On Day 6 after marriage I was lounging around at my in-law's home dressed appropriately with covered legs and wearing non-college, non-ragged t-shirts. As the new maapilai (son-in-law) at home, the attention being showered was overwhelming. However with a mature 'chance pe dance' attitude, I had shamelessly started accepting every offer of 2nd/3rd/4th round of filter coffee, opening crisp newspapers before the family got access to it, fiddling with the TV remote and other perks.

However the cumulative guilt goaded me to do something for the family. Hence, that evening when the phone rang I shed my lethargy and volunteered to pick it up.

"Thiagarajan sir irukara ?" ("Is Mr. Thiagarajan there?")
"One sec", I said and walked over to my FIL who was busy perusing the tampered newspaper.

I opened my mouth and failed to come up with an appropriate word.

1 Mississippi
2 Mississippi
3 Mississippi
4 Mississippi

Clearing my throat would have been too filmy, Uncle too distant, Pops too DDLJ, Daddy too familiar a name from my own family.

Finally I accepted my destiny. He was 'Appa' in my life now and this was the moment to give him that stature.

So I peered over the newspaper till the shadow caused mild inconvenience to him. He looked up, smiling.

"Phone..", I gruffed, handed the instrument and escaped.

A few months passed. Home phone calls were conveniently name free, where an innocuous "Namaskaram" hid all predicaments. All conversations involving him were filled with phrases 'your dad', 'Swetha's dad' that obviated any potential name struggle.

In that period, I did extensive research by speaking to a lot of couples facing this predicament. The discussion became an obsession. " So, what do you call your father-in-law ?" became my pet party question, which made husbands queasy and left respective wives amused. It turned out that wives managed to conquer this task with less hassle, less ego and much less thought. Maybe we men just made a big deal about it.

Soon the in-laws visited Singapore. A pleasant trip got freckled with awkward name moments. "Appa, do you want coffee?" became "DO YOU WANT COFFEE?", the decibel level forcing him to look in my direction. Soon I began to plan my location with him as the origin point of my 3-D complicated universe. A week long trip to Chennai this December made absolutely no difference. I treated the newspaper with more care, gulped more coffee than before, but FIL continued to be treated to awkward starts to our cricket, dosai conversation.

The hope still remains. If I can restart this blog after a 2 year crazy writer's block, maybe the hope for calling my FIL Appa isn't that bleak.

Meanwhile, THIS IS PLAN B. OK ?

Silly, Simple and not Funny

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 05:26:00 -0700

Dear Tata Docomo Brand Manager

You've done it again.

For a campaign that talks about 'Keep it Simple, Silly', you have made two wild decisions:

- You have picked Ranbir Kapoor to do stand up comedy. I don't know your intentions. But if you wanted someone absolutely unconvincing as a stand up comedian - you should have chosen Sunny Deol: A raw, underutilized, stone-faced celebrity attempting to make the audience laugh. Your tagline could have been 'Sunny keeps it Simple, Silly.' I appreciate the Jerry Seinfeld inspired look-tone and humour...but why?

- You have fake laughter in the background in all the ads. Bad jokes and Fake Laughter. A series of Bad jokes and fake laughter. A series of Ads with a series of bad jokes and fake laughter. I can't remember the last time when a humourous commercial used such subtle prompts for the audience.

Vodafone (Hutch back then) did an ad series a while ago with Irfan Khan (watch them here). A peculiar man in a normal environment explaining somewhat complicated but extremely relevant Telecom features with Hutch/Vodafone. That was simple. This is not. It made us smile, occasionally giggle. You've mildly annoyed us.

Like the previous Docomo post, I'll add some Internet Marketing blurb for your brand. I am sure you have a new intern in office to re-do a presentation on 'Web 2.0 strategy for TATA Docomo'. Since Social Media is the new buzzword, I'll use Facebook status updates this time. I read this website is growing and might become a phenomenon in the future. I hear they are planning to make a movie about it too (insert fake laughter).
I'll leave it to your intern to finish up rest of the analysis on this. I guess he is on facebook the whole day, trying to improve your brand's digital presence.

Good luck with your campaign. I am sure your message will reach millions and you'll grow your user base. And when an odd Docomo user calls up your customer service to complain, I am sure you'll have a stale joke or two up your sleeve to calm them down. And of course, fake laughter.

Observations on World Cup 2011 - on Everything but Cricket

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Tue, 5 Apr 2011 04:06:00 -0700

Continuing with my previous stereotype, which annoyed a lot of people (read it here), there are curious dissimilarities between the way Men and Women approach cricket. Previously, I had branded cricket as the enemy, as the distraction that denies girlfriends and wives their rightful time with their partners. World Cup 2011 however had a different flavour.

This time cricket was not the enemy, but rather the tool to socialize - specifically from Quarter Finals stage. Last week, I gently invited myself twice to a P&G colleague's place and hence had the privilege of spying on 6 couples as they enjoyed the cricket joyride together. Being impassive about cricket and single helped me focus on the inanities. While I almost succeeded in being subtle (before the hostess caught me making notes) I managed to scoop out some observations:

- Men believe that their actions have a minor, but significant impact on the game's outcome . This is explained by a curious 'Why take the risk' theory. Explaining their butterfly-effect insignificance on the world does little to shake their faith.

- The more comfortable the couch, the greater the belief that one should keep sitting on it to help India score or take wickets. Though at some level, that does make sense. Women have little faith in the hold-your-position superstition, but they love the excitement it generates.

- Nobody likes Sreesanth. Nobody likes his cricket skills, his attitude, his hair, his gold chains, his aggression or him on camera cheering the team. For all these important reasons, he should just give up.

- It's ok to comment on a Pakistani spectator, her green outfit, green nail-polish, green sparklers - but you will be quickly called an ass if you somehow make an honest statement that Pakistani women are hotter than Sri Lankans.

- Both men and women are equally interested in commenting on celebrities and the players. But there are fuzzy boundaries which shouldn't be crossed. A small sample from the IND-PAK match:

- Thanks to twitter, facebook other people's creativity can now be passed on quite loosely as one's own. Using some intelligent phrases like 'Have you heard? This one is funny! Wow..., The World Cup Final is watching Rajni'. The immediate step is to retweet or republish it on facebook, before the insignificance of the action dawns on you.

- Wives will get attention and bonus points for showing any form of interest in the game - questions may be fully related to the match ('Why isn't Harbhajan bowling now?'), vaguely related ('Who is Kamran? Never heard of him!'), unrelated to the match ('Why is Dhoni wearing a sweater? Is it cold in Mohali?')

- Husbands will get bonus points for feigning interest in non-cricket matters. A certain husband (name kept anonymous for my protection) successfully feigned concern about cutlery cleanliness when the wife screamed 'Oh no! Ye spoon to jootha hai!'

- Across sexes, Diet Coke seemingly absolves all guilt of consuming horrendous unhealthy food, snack or drink. The word 'Diet' was a masterstroke, and I bow to the evil genius at Coke who managed to convince us - and by us I mean a room full of people with a median of 5 years of marketing experience.

The moment Dhoni whacked the ball out for a six to finish off the match in style, all couples immediately paired up in joy, and for those few seconds, I felt that I shouldn't be in a room full of couples hugging each other. But then moments later someone popped champagne, the celebrations begun, and it all made sense again.

Thank you Team India for making us happy, tipsy, a lot more proud and a little wiser.

For other lessons in life, you can also read:
When Life Offers you Balloons

Iron Maiden in Singapore Feb'11: Expectations

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 01:51:00 -0800

Iron Maiden is performing in Singapore on 15th February.
I have tickets. But I am not sure if I'll enjoy the show.

There'll be too much peer pressure in the squeaky-clean Singapore Indoor Stadium to head-bang. My friends and I will look lost while a much younger demographic will chant lyrics to songs I don't know. I shall make full use of my knowledge about the songs 'Hallowed by thy name' and 'Fear of the Dark' and sing the title phrase melodiously when it comes up. For the rest I've decided to google the songs at the venue as the band starts singing them, for such ignorance must be perished.

My flatmate Rohan and I made a collection of 'must listen to and practice head-banging' Iron Maiden songs. Sadly it lay unused all these weeks. Instead of Iron Maiden, I chose to listen to GLEE cover versions. Is this an slippery downslide from earthy heavy metal that'll end with Justin Bieber?

This identity crisis must end! The head-banging on 15th Feb shall mean more than just a pain in the neck. And I hope to live up to the challenge.

Negi & Iyer's REAL African Adventures

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 05:03:00 -0800

This is the video which captures some of the adventures we had on the African adventure - Dec 2010-Jan2011.

I fell in love with a Spanish angel

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Sat, 8 Jan 2011 08:59:00 -0800

Dear Patricia

I don't know your full name.
I don't where you live in Spain, except that it is up somewhere in the mountains.
You cheerfully sat on the couch across the table with those mesmerizing eyes, that spirited nose ring and an adorable conspicuous white cap.
We spent the whole evening at the hostel bar, with interruptions from over a dozen people who I wish had disappeared for those few hours - including your sister, your dad, Akhilesh and the other random folks at Victoria Falls.

Patricia - how can anyone not fall for you?

You might not remember, but our conversation was sparked by a contrast of interests - your love for dogs and my absolute apathy towards them. You fell in love with all the pet dogs at the backpackers hostel, and they all of course loved you. As I shirked away from those giant beasts, you chose to prove to me that dogs are adorable and started showing me pictures from your camera.

Our hands touched.

I chose the pictures on the camera and you would explain a little story for each of them - from your curious world in Spain up in the mountains - where you have chosen deliberately to live in a world without television; where baking bread with actual firewood is a passionate activity; where you teach kids in a beautiful school; where you take mesmerizing pictures of the sun, leaves and flowers; where you smile so well at the lens when it snows and when the sun shines on the green hills.

Patricia - how can anyone not fall for you?

You carry a musical pipe in your bag and break into a blues tune that could have BB King's own creation.
You picked up the local African instrument and with childlike enthusiasm fiddled around with it for a long time. In that time, you were blissfully unaware of the louder conversations in the background and the clinks of glasses. I squished closer and tried to listen to your music.
Later in the night, as I sang 'Tu hi re' to you and the rest of the audience, you did those little hums and baselines spontaneously which made the song unforgettable. Hindi to you was like Spanish to me, but you understood the song better than anyone else.

Earlier in the evening when I bubbled up with enough courage, I took your hand and tacitly asked you to dance with me. You smiled and just came along. Unapologetically, you moved your slender arms and hips and just grooved to the music. You had that twinkle in your eyes, which brought a twinkle to mine.

Patricia - how can anyone not fall for you?

You looked graceful even when you made your own cigarettes, as you licked that tobacco paper in place.
You gurgled when you laughed.
You gave the stupid hobo Rastafarian your own bottle of water, when he was rambling about no free drinks. Any one else would have just ignored him.
Sometime in the middle of our conversation, you said 'I have to go pee pee' to me with no guilt and just skipped across the table. I smiled and just waited for you.

At the end of the night, when I could not look more hopelessly smitten, you patted me on the cheek and said, "You are such a clown."
I had not felt this mushy and silly in a long time. I had not been called a clown by a girl I adored in a long time.

I woke up today at 6 a.m today just so I could see you off. You were surprised that I actually turned up, since promises made at 1am after quite a few beers can be hollow. You gave me a tight hug, held on for a lovely few seconds and ended the embrace with a peck on the cheek. I just stood there at the gate, and you left.

I should have asked for your full name
I should have asked where you live in Spain up in the mountains.

Patricia - I fell for you. And I will cherish our evening at Victoria Falls for a long time.

Love
Arvind

Negi and Iyer's (expected) african adventure

noreply@blogger.com (Arvind Iyer) — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 00:09:00 -0800

Currently on an African Adventure: Dec 23 to Jan 10.

I'll resume blogging in January. Enjoy the video!