iz4u

CREDIT CRUNCH ....

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 06:08:00 +0000

I went to the ATM this morning and it said "insufficient funds".
............ I'm wondering is it them or me.

You know it's a credit crunch when...........

1. The cashpoint asks if you can spare any change.
2. There's a 'buy one, get one free' offer - on banks.
3. The IRS is offering a 25 per cent discount for cash-payers.
4. UK Prime minister Gordon Brown has stopped chewing his nails and
started sucking his thumb.
5. Your builder asks to be paid in Zimbabwean dollars rather than US
dollars.

Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: What's the difference between Investment Bankers and Pigeons?
A: The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's.

Q: What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common?
A: They both have frozen assets.

JOKE - Blind man and 4nuns

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 09:54:00 +0000

On a really hot day, four nuns were assigned to paint a room in their church.

After sweating for a few hours in those black robes, they decided to take off all their clothes and paint naked.

An hour later, someone knocked on the door of the church.

"Who is it?" they called out.

"I'm the blind man," came the reply.

The nuns decided to let him in since he wouldn't be able to see them.
They opened the door and led him to the room they were painting.
They were surprised when he walked around the room with no difficulty.

........ "Okay, sisters," he said, "where do you want the blinds?"

LOL .... from a friend.....

JOKE - Have a drink on the BLUE BULLS Rugby Team!

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 06:14:00 +0000

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered "Oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, inter-stellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc...

The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A martini please."

Again it was superb.? The robot again asked "What is your IQ sir?"

This time the man answered , "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing Formula One racing and the latest cricket scores.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?" This time the man drawled out " Uh..... 'bout 50".

The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked, "A-r-e y-o-u a B-L-U-E B-U-L-L s-u-p-p-o-r-t-e-r-?"

LOL ... from a friend ....

JOKE - Koos and the Queen ...

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 08:49:00 +0000

Koos Van der Merwe is invited to have lunch with the Queen.

While sitting at her table he says to her: "Jislaaik, ... you know Queen you have got such a nice house, and you know Queen your clothes are so nice and you know Queen your food is so lekker!"

The Queen gets hacked off with this entire "Queen" bit and says to Van: "Mr. Van der Merwe, you should not be calling me Queen all the time. My correct title is "Your Highness".

Koos: "Jislaaik, ... that is a coincidence, my brother's name is also Johannes.

LOL .... from a friend ....

QUICK TIP - Oily fish to make you a “social-chatting-king”!

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 06:41:00 +0000

Did you know that Omega-3 fatty acids helps brain cells communicate messages properly? Fat is fundamental for your brain to function properly.

Thus, before you go running out for chips, hamburgers and hotdogs before your party rather get some food that can boost your brain to be more “clued up” during conversations.

A nice, oily portion of fish like mackerel and salmon will do the “trick” and could have you feeling more alert and confident.

How Far ....... ?

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 14:24:00 +0000

How far can you trust a friend .......?

Mike left to go help in the Crusades and decided that his wife should wear a chastity belt (Steel underwear).

So he locks her up and gives the key to his best friend, Frank.
Mike, "If I'm not back in two years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life."

So, Mike leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees Frank.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

Sipho replies. "You gave me the wrong key!"

10 REASONS WHY SOME MEN PREFER DOGS AS A COMPANION ............

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:51:00 +0000

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another name.

3. Dogs love it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

5. A dog's parents never visit.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

10. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

LOL ..... from a friend ......

Pastor's business card ....

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 12:53:00 +0000

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He then took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was , "Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

LOL .......

Financial advise for the hard times ...

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 08:49:00 +0000

Good advise from a friend of mine ........

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.

With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.

With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer/soft drinks (in cans)one year ago, had drunk all of the beer/soft drinks, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

LOL........

College Entrance Exam

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 11:26:00 +0000

Some questions for an A-Level entry exam at a college.

A-LEVEL QUESTIONS .....
Rules: #Each Question is 25 points. #You have one minute to complete the questions. #You must be correct with two of the three questions to proceed.

1. Continue this sequence in a logical way:

M T W T _ _ _

2. Correct this formula with a single "line-stroke":

5 + 5 + 5 = 550

3. Please write anything on the line below:

------------------------------------------------

##########################

THE ANSWERS:

1. M T W T F S S

(Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday)

2. 5 4 5 + 5 = 550

3. anything

TyPiCaL wOrK wEeK

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 10:52:00 +0000

From a friend of mine . . .

JOB APPLICATION

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 10:25:00 +0000

An actual job application of a person - recieved from a friend of mine.
They actually hired him because of his creativity .........

NAME: Kenneth Wayche (Grumpy Old Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy sexy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST
OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

NS. ***Old People Rock! ***

“BRAAING”-MEAT WITH MARINADE

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:16:00 +0000

#Marinade with a low sugar content: You can baste the meat throughout the braaing with the marinade.

#If sugar content is high: Baste in the last quarter of braaing time, as high sugar content causes charring and the drying out the meat.

A good night’s sleep ........

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 11:14:00 +0000

#Switching off :
Relaxing at the end of a busy day is essential. Take a nice warm bath - try essential oils like mandarin, vanilla or lavender; they are proven to have a relaxing effect on your mind and senses.

#Consider what you eat :
Some food and drinks like fatty foods, sugary foods and coffee can lead to sleeplessness. Foods and drinks like figs, bananas, tuna, yoghurt and milk are believed to encourage a good night’s sleep.

QUICK TIP – KEEP YOUR DRAINS CLEAN

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 11:12:00 +0000

Clean your drains at least ones a month with a mixture of one teaspoon of chlorine bleach added to 4 cups of water – mix well and wash it down your sink.

Men Do Remember Anniversaries!

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 10:22:00 +0000

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her dressing gown, goes downstairs and finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?" he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

"Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember!" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

He continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,
'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that too" she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

"I would have been released today."

.... from a friend of mine ....

Spelling is very important in life!

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 10:22:00 +0000

Jhon's wife collapses and phones for an ambulance.

"Address please" they asked.

"4 Eucalyptus Street" Jhon replied.

"Spell it please"

..long long silence....

"Eishhhhhh, if I drag her to Oak street can u pick her up there?"

Catching A Sunset

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 05:57:00 +0000

Got this pictures form a fiend of mine by e-mail.

Never argue with a woman!!

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:12:00 +0000

Never Argue with a Woman .........

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?"

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman.
from a friend of mine....

HOW TO CLEAN DISCOLOURED ALUMINIUM PANS

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 07:27:00 +0000

# first you need to get rid of grease and stains by cleaning the pan with lemon juice

# next … boil some apple peels in the pans for a few minutes to get them looking like new.

K53 – LEARNERS TEST – SOUTH-AFRICA

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 08:42:00 +0000

Interesting in getting online info and questions for your first k53-test???
I come across an interesting site that can help preparing you online for you k53-test ; they even keep record of your answers.

SA Learners Test offers you:
# FREE practice to help you pass first time
# Instant access to questions
# supports different languages

Registering is free, easy and give you access to “k53-test-questions” , “road-sign-questions” , "forum-discussions" and much more

5-finger prayer

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 06:37:00 +0000

.......... it is surely worth making the 5 finger prayer a part of our lives.

1. Your thumb is nearest you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is, as C.S. Lewis once said, a "sweet duty."

2. The next finger is the pointing finger. Pray for those who teach, instruct and heal. This includes teachers, doctors, and ministers. They need support and wisdom in pointing others in the right direction. Keep them in your prayers.

3. The tallest finger. It reminds us of our leaders. Pray for the president, leaders in business and industry, and administrators. These people shape our nation and guide public opinion. They need God's guidance.

4. The ring finger. Surprising to many is the fact that this is our weakest finger, as any piano teacher will testify. It should remind us to pray for those who are weak, in trouble or in pain. They need your prayers day and night. You cannot pray too much for them.

5. And lastly comes our little finger - the smallest finger of all which is where we should place ourselves in relation to God and others. As the Bible says, "The least shall be the greatest among you." Your pinkie should remind you to pray for yourself. By the time you have prayed for the other four groups, your own needs will be put into proper perspective and you will be able to pray for yourself more effectively.

HOW TO REMOVE LIME-SCALE IN KETTLES

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 07:29:00 +0000

Fill one third of the kettle with brown vinegar and the rest with water ; leave to stand for 20 to 30 minutes ; rinse well (make sure to rinse it a few times and that you do it properly)

Your Name in Japanese!

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 09:01:00 +0000

A - ka
B - tu
C - mi
D - te
E - ku
F - lu
G - ji
H - ri
I - ki
J - zu
K - me
L - ta
M - rin
N - to
O -mo
P - no
Q - ke
R - shi
S - ari
T -chi
U - do
V - ru
W -mei
X - na
Y - fu
Z - zi

Your name in Japanese (refer to table).
Example: Sam = Arikarin

CLEANING BURNT PANS

noreply@blogger.com (iz4u) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 07:23:00 +0000

Tips to get your burnt pan clean without having to scrub!

# use a peeled potato to get rid of the most burnt bits and pieces ....

# cover the area with equal quantities of vinegar and water, boil it for a few minutes and leave to soak overnight, or …..

# cover the area with a mixture of water and a little fabric softener and leave to soak overnight.

A - ka	B - tu	C - mi	D - te	E - ku
F - lu	G - ji	H - ri	I - ki	J - zu
K - me	L - ta	M - rin	N - to	O -mo
P - no	Q - ke	R - shi	S - ari	T -chi
U - do	V - ru	W -mei	X - na	Y - fu
Z - zi