jaakOrilla

This post is not about you

2012-08-16T15:17:00.000+02:00

No this post is not about you. This post is about me. How fucked up this world is and the one I find myself living in. Where breathing is the only commodity worth trading. Sleeping the only escape from disaster and looking someone in the eye is nothing but a glimpse. Your words are no music to my ears. Your thoughts bring no comfort to my being and your advice nothing more than hickory-dicory-dock. I have thought about it all. Discussed it all. Slept on it. Woke up to it. Ready to hurl because of it. Take your socks of sympathy and hang them somewhere else, there is no space for them here. This space is already full. Filled with madness, discontent, bitterness. Should you find some longing here it will not be for you. It will be for a life greater than this. A space worthy of living and a time ready to breathe. No imaginary heaven falling from the sky or fairies picking up the dust. Something real and nothing dead. Where darkness is simply something that follows the light of the day and people still write songs about that month of May. Where dancing is a pleasure, not a necessity. Smiles still light up the sky and thunder awakes that of your inner core. When beauty is not something you behold, but feel. . .

Bridges under Water

2012-06-30T18:05:00.000+02:00

I said SPEAK to the dark of my soul
I am tired of this silent cold
The mysteries entertain me no longer
And all the apparent wisdom just makes me wonder

I said RISE to the eagle found in my eye
Spread your wings into a majestic sky
Far away from this painted splendour
Lies a man behind his greatest endeavour

I said WALK to the tree stumps anchored in the floor
For even this is something I want of no more
And maybe ahead where the bridges lie
That is where you will find him, saying My Oh My

Take away all that he have
Cast away those stones of old
Burn the fire those flights of rage
So once again, something new be born

Ready for this he could never be
For what’s to come is still unseen
But when the sunshine falls upon his day
Great and splendour will be tomorrow’s day

The Bucket Boy

2012-05-02T12:37:00.000+02:00

There is no great blue beyonder, thought the boy to himself. It is just an idea, or some unattainable hope that life imposed upon him. He wished that life could be what his dreams are made of. Crystal stars would show him the way, while he finds himself walking on these pebble stones...

Perhaps he is not destined for what he hopes to achieve? A life that is worth living and god knows he has been trying! He scoops up another bucket of water only to find, as before, that it is empty when he reaches his home. . .then tries again. This time round his attempt includes a larger bucket, surely it will contain at least some amount of water when he gets back home? And then he has to do so again . . . and again . . .

His efforts feel like nothing more than wishful thinking . . . what am I doing wrong? He stares at his bucket, it is not withered nor frail. He monitors every journey and accounts for every step as he makes his way home, but still nothing more than a couple of drops.

He already knows nothing or no one else is to blame for the missing water. Yet he still wants to curse the sky from time to time should they somehow be involved. The soles on his feet are also starting to give in from walking up and down which is feeling more and more like walking in circles...

With hardly any strength to carry on, no more shoes to ease his journey and tired of mapping every route possible he decides that this is enough! He has had enough....

So the next day . . . he starts to build a pipeline

The Holstee Manifesto

2012-03-07T13:04:00.000+02:00

Need I say more.....???

Found this on How to Find Your Purpose and Do What You Love

In the clutter of the evening...

2012-02-23T10:48:00.000+02:00

In the clutter of the evening
I lie awake with life and she is teasing

Her bruises never stay
Her scars always seem to heal
Her beauty never frails

Even when standing in the daylight
You find yourself looking for her
And sometimes when you forget
You're reminded she's right behind you

The bitch can make you mad
The bitch can make you sad
This girl can make you smile
This lady can make it all worthwhile

Breaking in to You

2011-12-19T11:14:00.000+02:00

You have already broken my heart
Even though it does not yet belong to you

These feelings I have
Open me up on the inside
These moments spent
Breaks me down on the outside

I stand in front of you
My shoes wrapped in blue
Ready to run with you
But nothing to hold onto

My heart is taking it's flight
Don't want to hold it back,
Even if....for yet another night

Ode to Helenè

2011-12-12T19:59:00.000+02:00

Helené, Helené

See the sunshine in your day

Helené, Helené

Prays for the months of May

Helené you bring laughter

Helené you bring tears

Helené for a moment

You take away my fears

Helené, Helené

Hears ten sounds can you wonder?

Helené, Helené

Very bright ‘s your beyonder

Helené where’s my drink

Helené listen to Pink

Helené where’s that blink

Helené, Helené

Can you hear the angels sing?

Helené, Helené

I will never forget that day!

Moments

2011-11-17T11:25:00.001+02:00

Moments come

Moments go

These moments with you

Won't let me go

Silently I lay at night

Memories still shining bright

These thoughts of you

Keep me up at night

You are a reflection

Of my desire's perfection

Your touch a redemption

To my heart's lamentation

So be still with me at night

And in these moments. . .

Just hold me tight

BLACK or WHITE

2011-11-01T02:09:00.000+02:00

We keep on focussing on the WHITE and the BLACK and who has "what" and "what not" in our nation. When are we going to stop looking at colour and decide as a nation what we are going to do about our problems together? PROBABLY NEVER!!! I say never because our leadership, opposition parties, media, friends, family and neighbours keep on stuffing all things WHITE and BLACK down our throats! How can we function as ONE when our focus and attention remains on all of that which separates us?

"See, It's Not About Races
Just Places
Faces
Where Your Blood
Comes From
Is Where Your Space Is
I've Seen The Bright
Get Duller
I'm Not Going To Spend
My Life Being A Color"

I am sure most of you recognise these words sung by Michael Jackson. I don't give a shit what your opinion is regarding Michael Jackson, but I DO give a shit about our nation and our country! I see it being run to the ground by our politicians. I see no solutions being formalised. I also fear that not so long from now our entire country will be poverty stricken. I feel like I have no control over what is happening and there is nothing I can do to fix it or help steer it in the right direction. It is as if that little cross I make every 5 years has no significance regardless of it's importance. . .

BUT. . .

I am NOT going to run away
I am NOT going to give up
I am NOT going to stop loving this country
I am NOT going to stop loving YOU my fellow SAFFA

Be Sensitive to Thought

2011-10-20T14:32:00.000+02:00

We spend a lot of time in our minds through thought. We think about the future, the past, more about the future. . . ‘that dirty carpet’, ‘the outfit I want to wear’, ‘have I remembered to buy more dog food?’ . . . .We waste most of it however; dwindling in the past and imagining or worrying about the future.

Keeping our minds in the present is quite difficult and when we manage to attain it. . . . what then?

Well after today I would suggest that if something rather unique pops up in your day. . . just focus on that one thing! I’ve been having quite a bit on my mind lately regarding some decisions I have to make. I know what I want the outcome to be, but not yet finding the answers on how to achieve it. So I have put my intent forward and trying not to spend too much time worrying about ‘How’ all of this is going to happen. Usually if I find my thoughts to be in the future, I would rather define how I want it to be. . . If I noticed anything from the past reveal itself again, unless it was acknowledging a lesson learned, I would immediately discard it.

But today I managed to let all of that be of little importance to me. I woke up with a dream I still had fresh in my mind about how some friends and I went on a trip to Japan without any travelling expenses. I grabbed my phone as I woke up in bed and paid my first visit to Twitter.
My eyes were scanning over the first couple of tweets and the first one I stopped at was a tweet by @RubyGold posting a link to an article where Japan will be covering travel costs for 10 000 tourist to their country. I was wondering ‘what the hell just happened here’? .... I had a feeling that this was no coincidence even though the possibility of it meaning that I might go to Japan, had no appeal to me!

I experienced a little bit of excitement as to how freaky this whole dream-tweet-thing was. I had not read anything about Japan recently which could explain why they would feature in my dream. I tried to recall if I had any discussions lately regarding the country, but there was nothing that came to mind! As I read the article @RubyGold posted, I realised that the last time I heard anything about Japan was with the tsunamis!

My day started and as reality kicked in my mind got lost in it’s thought processes being here, there. . . .a little way back then and dancing around in the future. I became upset at certain present circumstances and still worried about how to move forward to achieving my goals. I became aware of where my thoughts were and would put them to rest, bringing my thoughts back to the tweet and my dream. . .

It all came up in a discussion again later the evening with my two best friends on how sensitive we should actually be towards our thoughts. We were sharing stories on how some thoughts would somehow manifest themselves. I recalled how a customer’s name would pop up in my mind and within an hour or two, maybe a day or so, they would call me regarding a project or placing an order. I wasn’t wondering how they ‘were’ or thinking ‘that I should call them’, they just randomly came to mind! A couple of examples from my friends were given how some thoughts even had some impact on the outcome of a situation or putting certain things into motion.

And I wondered how all of this could be connected. . . the same as I wondered about how my dream and the tweet were connected? Science could probably relate it all to energy, but I don’t have a master in Physics so I seriously don’t have the time to figure that out! There has to be something that could explain all of this. . . Once I got back home something dawned on me and for the first time I had some understanding of what change can be brought into your life by being ‘present’ in your thoughts more often.

I mean let’s face it! There has to be more to this whole thing of being in the present moment with your thoughts right? Surely telling your past and future thoughts to ‘hush it’ and appreciating what is around you or currently that which is happening to you can not be all that there is to all of this? That just sounds lame. . . . There is a lot more to it!

I am certain that you have noticed when not allowing any memories from the past or thoughts about the future to cloud your judgement, many solutions or possibilities become clearer to you? The more time you spend thinking of the now the easier you realise what needs to be done! All that is left is to figure out how to get there. . . What became clear to me was how staying present more often, had set a lot of things in motion. Choices made in those moments of clarity by being present (even if perhaps of little value back then), have affected a lot of things currently happening in my life. Things that most probably would not have been happening right now should I have kept on racing between the future and the past and not have stayed with the now. I realised that the first domino has already been tipped over and for the first time I had some belief in what people close to me have said is about to happen.

I realised as I thought back on each instance how a decision made with no influence of ‘what if’s’ or ‘what have’s’ has made a contribution or created a possibility of moving towards my goal without me even noticing it. I might still have quite a distance to go and no GPS to guide me, but I understand how being present with the moment and your thoughts can be of extreme value to you.

So try it for yourself! Even if you just start by becoming aware of where your mind spends most of its time it is a great start! It can reveal a whole lot to you in an instant and you’ll feel a whole lot better than being concerned with what has been or what if tomorrow does not work out. . .

You are my Love Light

2011-09-18T23:02:00.000+02:00

The warmth of your Love Light
Keeps me warm to the core
The caring in your words
Makes my soul feel at home

Your Brightness shines!
Your whispers flourish!
Your touch makes me warm!

In your Eyes I see the day
In your Presence I feel the stars
My feet can climb this mountain with you
Our legs can lead us home

Do you see the flower when it blooms?
Can you hear the water share it's thoughts?
Do you listen when the lion roars?

The beauty you give can never be captured
The flavour of your hearts never distilled
The love that you bring never forgotten...

(Opgedra aan die twee Reyneke Sussies)

This THING called writing. . .

2011-07-30T15:08:00.000+02:00

During school I HATED poetry and literature! In fact I hated even having to write anything at all! Being left handed I place a lot of pressure on the pen moving it forward which results in my hand growing tired with each word, but besides that... the mere task of writing back then seemed as tedious as having to iron your clothes! Poetry and literature was probably the reason why my grades for Afrikaans (First Language) had always been lower than that of my English grades. All though I could probably attribute that fact to Poetry alone!

For my very final exam on Afrikaans Poetry we had 37 poems we had to study. Our paper included only three of them... that by itself annoyed the crap out of me, let alone the content! Our teacher was kind enough to spot seven of the poems for us which she recommended we study well! She concluded that we could read through the rest in our preparation for the exam. Me being such a great fan of the subject spotted three of the seven poems, read the other four and did not even take a look at the rest! I have to admit that I enjoyed writing that paper as I answered questions to the three poems I chose, resulting in my highest grade ever for Afrikaans...

The writing-bug made its appearance though, regardless of all that, a couple of years ago when I got acquainted with a couple of people who enjoyed writing. Since then a friendship has developed which is describable beyond words! As they shared some of their work with me I became aware of this inspiring feeling of putting a pen down on some paper. Of all the things I could write about. . . I decided to write a POEM!

What I enjoy about writing has nothing to do with the words, or the way I construct my sentences! It is more about the process and the thoughts behind it. More so the feeling you get from your inner being which lets you know. . . this is what you will be writing about! Noticing how that feeling grows and developing from within you....opening up through your chest!

I can relate with Allan Ginsberg so much from the movie Howl when he mentions how you leave certain “hints” in your work for people to pick up on! I enjoy how I can make a poem perceive to be regarding a certain topic, but then the meaning of it is something completely different. How I can disguise my thoughts behind text and when someone else reads it, it takes on a total different meaning to them!

Regardless of my grammar not being correct or if my tenses are not up to scratch, I enjoy writing for all those reasons... and also, how in today’s day and age... the keyboard does not make my left hand grow tired... at all!

Today, not just another day...

2011-07-19T14:02:00.000+02:00

Today I'm all confused about you

Today I want to sit next to you

Today I want to laugh till the sun falls down

Today I want you to hold me

Today I want you to kiss me

Today I don't know if I should say this to you

Today still feels like another day away....

Ramblings of a Mind

2011-07-15T00:16:00.000+02:00

So I woke up today completely rested, though I might add it was almost at noon! I took the beasties out for a ‘widdle’ in the early morning and decided to have them crawl up next to me on the bed for a little snooze before I start my day. . .

Today I have to do some house cleaning, go to the office to complete about 5 hours of work and then attend a very anticipated movie evening with some new acquaintances. So when I ended up taking the dogs out one final time before I get ready for my day, I received a phone call from my friend which I preceded to take while crawling back in bed. This was at about 8am, it was thereafter that I passed out. . .

Now by no means did I clutch out for another four hours due to the phone call being so boring!! It was short...and very sweet actually, which lead to an even greater surprise as to why I slept so late! My phone was blinking away letting me know of new notifications which, amongst others, informed me that the movie-get-together actually starts early afternoon and not only at 6pm as I understood. I was screwed. . .

So I am rushing to sweep and wash the floors, getting ready for work, fill-up the dogs water bowl, cleaning the kitchen some and before I am even out the door my housemate already arrives home from her morning shift! I am in the car, very annoyed with myself for sleeping so late, it is now already half past one, juggling with new options to get the work done, I will now have to go in on Sunday as well, shit I have people coming for lunch, should I perhaps come back to the office later this evening?.... but.....

...........boy was catching up that sleep just oh so wicked!

And for the second time, as with the previous day, I receive this little message to SLOW DOWN!

I think it is difficult for us to keep our minds in the present. Even just noticing and being aware of how much time your mind spends in the past or the future would be a good start to just SLOW DOWN. Thereafter (I think) comes the art of being truly grateful!

Bennett and Jessie

Photo by @Drevander10

MY ADDICTION

2011-06-13T11:15:00.000+02:00

FROM THE HIGHEST HIGH
TO THE LOWEST LOW
I CAN NOT IGNORE THE CALL

THE CALL TO ENRICH MY SOUL
AND TO TAKE THE FLIGHT
THAT LEADS ME HOME

IT BECKONS MY PHYSIQUE
MY MIND HAS NO CONTROL
I GIVE IN. . . ONCE MORE

THE HIGH, UNDERSTANDS ME
THE HIGH, COMPLETES ME
THE HIGH, EMBRACES ME

AND THEN WHEN ALL HAS GONE
I AM LEFT WAITING . . .
JUST WAITING FOR MORE!

IT WILL TAKE CONTROL AGAIN
I CAN ALREADY HEAR IT CALLING
WILL IT STOP ME FROM FALLING?

IT'S CRYSTALS RACES THROUGH MY VEINS
IT'S VALUE DISEPATES THROUGHOUT MY SOUL
IT'S EVIDENCE REMAINS IN MY HEART

THE HIGH, RELEASES ME
THE HIGH, FORGIVES ME
THE HIGH, WILL NEVER LEAVE ME

I AM DRAWN TO IT
I CAN NOT ESCAPE
I DO NOT WISH TO RUN
FROM THE LIGHT OF THE SUN

CAN YOU HEAR ME CALLING?
WILL YOU STOP ME FROM FALLING?
BECAUSE YES MY FRIEND
MY ADDICTION. . . IS YOU!

The Customer is always right. . . .WRONG!

2011-06-08T12:59:00.000+02:00

As South Africans we always tend to complain about the level of service we receive living in a third world country. We hear stories from our friends who have emigrated on how sufficient services are and how well they are being treated by businesses, but could it be possible that the problems we experience (in retrospect) are not as a result of how we conduct ourselves as customers?

In my business whenever I am about to engage with a customer I always ask myself one question prior to approaching them. It is the same question regardless of the situation. Whether I would like to procure their business or if I need to put out fires, I will always ask myself 'What is the function of a business?'

Most people will answer 'to make money', but that is the wrong answer. Making money is the GOAL of a business, the function of a business is to get-and-keep customers. Get the function right and do not confuse it with the goal! You should therefore not calculate what it is going to "cost" you in order to deliver a good service or fix a situation. If you are able to get-and-keep customers you should indefinitely achieve the GOAL, right?

Well after almost 4 years of doing this I have found (some) customers to become totally thoughtless and unappreciative of the sacrifices you make for them. (I am not even going to include the mindless new customers we encounter on a weekly basis which are just completely daft). Some just blatantly ignore your processes (which they already know), take advantage of your good nature and when they are in the wrong they want to blame you for their mistakes.

This would obviously make more sense with given examples, but I don't want to bore you with my ranting. Instead I want to ask you if you have even bothered to take note of the Cashier's name when paying for your groceries and not just said "Hi" to the person serving you, but actually greeted them by name. . ? Did you take the time to ask the person on the other end of the phone how their day has been before making your enquiry to the helpdesk? Even more so, when you have received a good service from someone, do you make the effort to show your appreciation towards management?

These are of course simple and silly examples, but next time take a look at how you conduct yourself as a customer before you frown upon the level of service you receive. . .after all, you are a human being interacting with another human being!

It's the Here. It's the Now. . .

2011-04-11T11:33:00.000+02:00

I had something good going for me

Then you made the sky turn grey

I had someone longing for me

Then you made it all go away

I wish I could make this right

I wish I could let this go without a fight

But in this day and in this night

It is just me that can make this right

It's the here, it's the now

It's where do we go from now?

It's the here, it's the pain

It's what's making me insane

I had something good going for me

And then I threw it all away

I had someone longing for me

But had to push him away

Now it's just me in the night

Wishing that I could take flight

And even though all is now right

I have lost some of my sight

It's the good, it's the pain

Hear me asking for the rain...

I had something good going for me

It had it's role to play

I had someone longing for me

Sometimes I wish he could still stay

April is no FOOL

2011-04-02T19:21:00.000+02:00

So “April’s Fool” came early to our household this year as I decided to prank my housemate the evening before. I had the perfect opportunity, coming home after dinner from the ‘parentals’, to a dead silent and dark home with my housemate safely locked up in her bedroom.

I very quickly put my dog to bed in my bedroom, the only other living thing in the household that could possibly let my mischievous plan fall apart by letting my housemate know I am home. I then very subtly let the darkened home come alive with noises...as we have reason to believe our house is haunted.

It took a while but not much later my phone received its first message asking if I am home yet, to which I politely replied that I decided to go out for drinks with a friend after dinner. I waited a while. . . .and then I proceeded up the wooden staircase which is located directly next and up above her bedroom, ensuring to make each footstep count.

My friends thought it was very cruel of me to do this to an already paranoid housemate which is a bit fearful when having to stay home alone by herself, but it was just the week before that she tried to pull a fast one on me trying to convince me that the very friendly spirit that occupies our home has developed a bit of an evil streak in him. Unfortunately for her she wasn’t able to convince my already sceptic nature due to the lack of attention to detail, so I saw this as an excellent opportunity to educate her some. . .yes people, payback really is a bitch.

The messages on my phone continued as I proceeded walking lopsided down the stairs again (for added effect) and all around the house. Our conversation continued very light heartedly, mocking and blaming our ghost and having a good chuckle towards her ‘paranoia’ she was experiencing, up until my foot tapped against her bedroom door. . .

From her next message you could clearly see that she was convinced there was someone else in the house and her message ended with ‘PLEASE CALL ME’. I made my way back up the stairs where I could safely make a call without her knowing I am in the house. . . I could hear the girl was a bit terrified and trying to be both sincere and not to burst out laughing, I tried to convince her that she is probably just imagining things. I wanted to calm her enough down so she would have the nerve to leave her room so we could have the grand finale with a very big fright, but that was clearly not going to happen so in order to buy me some more time I said I would phone a friend nearby and ask him to come and check up on her.

After ending our call I noticed I had a missed call from her parents as well and knowing them they were probably just as freaked out as their daughter. So I thought if she had already contacted them as well, I should probably not stretch this out much longer. I went down the stairs again, this time as fast and as loud as possible (just to get one last kick out of all this) and went to her bedroom door. I could hear the poor soul was on the phone to someone and had locked herself in her en-suite bathroom. I knocked but had no response and interrupted her current call with a call from me and told her to come to her bedroom door.

She opened the door with somewhat tearful eyes and exclaimed some profanity towards me with a shaky voice. But this is NOT where the April Fool joke ends. . . for at the end of it all I was the fool. In the very short space of time between my foot knocking on her door and my admittance to being in the house all along, her parents had already gotten hold of the police; our landlord and local security. My housemate had also gotten hold of a friend or two who were already on their way.

So I was the fool that ended up having to deal with the police rocking up at our house. . .
I was the fool who had to explain to our beloved friends who were already on their way that everything is ok. . .

I felt like a fool the next morning when we had to deal with our concerned body corporate after hearing that someone tried to break into our home the previous night. . .

So I guess pranking someone the eve before ‘April Fools’ is not a good idea, rather wait for the actual day to arrive. I of course did no such thing the next day... with the police and what not rocking up at our house the previous night, I am clearly just too good-a-pranker for this shit...