Left, Left, Left, Right, Left!

Note to our regular readers: We know, we know, it’s been a long while since we’ve updated, our sincerest thanks to those of you who have stuck with us. Now that we’ve used up all our vacation Thanksgiving and Christmas have passed we should be back to spending our evenings and weekends at home like sensible adults. We’re not making a New Years resolution to regularly update the blog or anything like that, but we’ll try to make it up to our faithful followers (hi grandma & grandpa!). To make up for some lost time, we have for you today: A Mega-Post! Enjoy~

Well, another year has come and gone! I can remember clearly last year thinking to myself, “Please God, don’t let my baby be born on Christmas day!” My sympathies go out to all you Christmas kids: we’re glad to have you, but you definitely got the short end of the stick sharing your birthday with Jesus. 2011 certainly brought about many changes, most notably the birth of our Darling Daughter. This of course means that a few weeks back heralded her very first Christmas! Lovely Wife’s lovely parents graciously hosted us once again at their lovely house as we made the not-so-lovely 13 hour drive to Arizona. Thankfully all the presents good company more than made up for all the time spent on the road.

We got in early enough to see some of our family in Phoenix, then made the trip down to Tucson for the rest of our stay. It’s always fun to see how different parts of the U.S. get into the holiday spirit, and Arizona is no exception. We laughed to ourselves as we drove through the neighborhoods; there were certainly the standard window dressings, pine bough wreaths, and carols at the spinet; but there was more! You need to travel approximately 200 miles before encountering a pine tree of any sort, so folks just get crazy putting lights on anything above ground (which, in the middle of the desert, ain’t much). The parched xeriscaping was comically juxtaposed against decorations intended to conjure visions of the North Pole. Lights were strung from anything with perceived branches and pinned to the adobe houses in lieu of gutters. Don’t even get me started on the lack of chimneys; I don’t have a clue as to what the Sonoran parents tell their kids about how Santa Claus gets inside the house.

But it’s all in good fun and by-and-large I think people realize how silly it is to decorate for such a stereotypically “Winter” holiday in a place whose last recorded White Christmas was almost 25 years ago (and the one before that was 1916!). After all, people don’t need precipitation to enjoy time with their closest family and friends celebrating the birth of Christ. Generous hearts and laughter are certainly not contingent upon freezing temperatures, and the fact that we could eat outdoor-barbecued brisket on Christmas Day will never be counted to their detriment.

A big thanks goes out to the time our family and friends made to spend with us. A double helping of thanks goes out to our awesome free babysitters (hi grandma & grandpa!). A congratulations to Lovely Wife’s middle sister who graduated at semester and a warm hug to Tai Tai (great-grandma) who made the trip out from the coast to spend this time of year with us all. Time and distance can be a tough thing for families, but this bunch definitely make it as comfortable as it can be. We’re looking forward to spending the next Christmas with them already, and many more to come!

Recently, Savvy Husband received an invite to attend an event known as the “Spartan Sprint”. It appears to be one of many such “obstacle race” themed events that are becoming increasingly popular across the country. From what Savvy Husband has googled deduced, co-ed’s come from around the nation and race obstacle courses, either individually or on a team, most notably slogging through at least one mud field and consuming at least one complimentary adult beverage. Amidst the various competitions that exist internationally, it appears there may be some correlation between the number of mud fields slogged and the number of adult beverages consumed, but this is purely speculation.

Aside from getting sloshed (in mud, of course), the other primary activity the males seem to participate in is the removal of their shirts. I’m not kidding – check out the sites; if the guys haven’t stripped their top-half by the time the race starts, the subsequent photo galleries appear to exist as a testament that you will be shirtless by the time you cross the finish line. Also, you will have critically defined muscles and then you will give an interview about how this race has changed everything terrible about your life into something more closely resembling the movie ’300′. I’m not sure how that’s necessarily better, but most of the interviewee’s on the site appear to agree: The free beer is totally worth it.

Which brings me back to my invitation to this race. After perusing the website, I’ll admit I was intrigued by the free beer. I thought about the different things I would learn about myself. Working together on a team and overcoming those obstacles. I thought about how awesome I would look crossing that finish line. Then I decided it was time to quit daydreaming and return to reality.

It’s no secret if you scroll through some of the photos on this site: when it comes to Savvy Husband, his savvy doesn’t lie in his greek-god-physique (Lovely Wife may say otherwise, but that only makes her more lovely). Whenever Savvy Husband is faced with the question: “Rate your level of physical activity”, he immediately deflects with, “Well, let’s see… I believe it has been nine weeks since I’ve eaten an entire Litte Caesar’s Pizza, so I guess I’m doing pretty well – no, wait! It’s been nine and a half weeks! I guess I’m even in better shape than I thought!” When pressed further, Savvy Husband pontificates over the fact that he works for a large company, which in turn means he has to park in a large parking lot. This entails nearly a half-mile walk every day. At least, it’s nearly a half-mile on the days that he doesn’t take the shuttle. He wimps out only when it’s raining, snowing, or hailing. Also, he will make an exception and take the shuttle on days when it is really cold out. Also, on days when it isn’t too cold. Occasionally he will take a ride when the wind really picks up, or if he just doesn’t want his hair to get messed up in a light breeze. Another exception has also been exercised if he’s in before the sun has come up, or if the sun happens to already be up and is shining a little too brightly.

…so let’s face it, the last time Savvy Husband’s heart rate went up, it was because he had a minor lapse in memory and suddenly realized it was Donut Friday. Any calories burned there were quickly overtaken by the aforementioned donuts.

So! Spartan Sprint! Wherein the contestants inevitably lose their shirt! I’m not really sure at what point in the obstacle course it happens, but I’m guessing it goes something like this:

Savvy Husband: (Already barfing a lung as he approaches the half-way-to-the-half-way point) *gasp, wheeze* “Whoa! Aren’t you ‘Turbo’ from the original ‘American Gladiators’ TV show!?”
Turbo: “I am. Give me your shirt.”
SH: “Hold on, let me catch my breath – wait, you want my shirt? Can’t I just joust you or something?”
Turbo: “Absolutely not. To pass this obstacle, you must remove your blazer, then continue on the course without it.”
SH: “Okay, I see where you’re going with this, but I really think I need a pass here – you see, yesterday was Donut Friday at the office and…”

So that is why even if I enter the Spartan Sprint, I wouldn’t win. I wouldn’t bring victory to my team. On the upside, I wouldn’t lose my shirt! And that folks, may just be worth celebrating over an adult beverage…

…and possibly, an extra donut.