I recently noticed a discrepancy in my personality/habits. I LOVE to watch political thrillers, whether movies like The Bourne Identity and Spy Game or TV shows like Homeland and House of Cards, but I almost never READ them. I don’t know why. The closest I usually get are books like The Da Vinci Code–which I loved, critics be damned, and which was thrilling but not really political. Or academic books on politics, which are…political, but not exactly thrilling (except to the nerd buried deep, deep inside me).

So I’ve decided to try to rectify this discrepancy and see if I can find some good books in this (new-to-me) genre. In my search for something gripping, I came across this book.

The Boy in the Suitcase, which is probably more accurately called crime fiction, involves a Red Cross nurse whose friend calls her out of the blue, begging for help, asking her to pick up a suitcase. She finds the suitcase, and inside it, is a three-year-old boy, naked and drugged, but alive. Thus begins a race to find out who he is and where he comes from, and the nurse, Nina Borg, is thrust into the dangerous world of child trafficking, caught in the crosshairs between those with the guns and those with the money. There are multiple narratives in the book (including the mother of the missing child and the perpetrators of the crime), and through them the story unfolds from different perspectives.

I really enjoyed this book. It was fast-paced and engrossing, and (perhaps not surprisingly, given my job) I really appreciated a story about the trafficking of women and children, told in a way that reveals so much about the characters–who are complex and three-dimensional–without slowing down the action.

If other books in this genre are so well-written, with so much thought given to character development and complex motivations, I might be a new convert to this genre! If you’re looking for a read that will suck you in, in a crime thriller kind of way, I’d recommend you try The Boy in the Suitcase.

Here they are, in no particular order…

- Our little Dot is a pretty dang obedient dog and a sweetheart…except in one area. She is nearly uncontrollable when it comes to barking at the neighbors, gardeners, and any other being that commits the grave sin of existing anywhere near our house without express permission. Because our house is rented, we can’t fence her in properly so she’s free to wander, which was fine when we didn’t have neighbors. But after the flooding in Bangkok prompted people to start moving up to Chiang Mai, we suddenly have neighbors. Neighbors who like to have visitors. So you can imagine how many times a day we have to yell at her and chase after her. Dot doesn’t respond well to negative reinforcement. It only makes her more stubborn and recalcitrant (or worse, she gives us this look like we’ve totally failed her), which makes it really difficult to teach her NOT to bark because it’s kind of ridiculous to only be able to praise a dog when it doesn’t bark.

It’s hard to get completely mad at her because it comes from a protective instinct and she’s only doing what she thinks is her job. But since I got pregnant, her protective instinct has been elevated from day job to High Calling, which is both sweet and utterly obnoxious. So after trying every other thing we could think of or find through copious online research, we’ve decided to try a shock collar on her. It makes me feel incredibly guilty and worried, especially given her usual response to negative reinforcement and I really didn’t want to break her relationship of trust with us. But…after just a few days with it, I have to say…

IT WORKS.

Toby has worked carefully with her in using it and keeps it on the lowest possible setting, so that it’s more a sensation than an actual jolt. But the part I really appreciate about it is that you can press a button, via remote control, to emit a little warning beep before resorting to the shock. He only had to use the shock on her twice before she learned to stop barking, come right back to us and sit down, at which point we envelop her in praise and treats. Now that little warning beep is pretty much all she needs to get her to stop barking and come home. And she doesn’t seem to be exhibiting any signs of feeling upset or hurt by us or the collar (maybe because it’s done by remote control, so the connection isn’t clear to her?). So as long as the warning beep is all it takes to get her to obey when we tell her to stop barking and come home, I think I can slowly get behind using this thing, though I still hope there might be a day we won’t have to use it at all.

- Sometimes, I get really tired of how debate is handled with political stuff. Almost every day in my Facebook feed, there is something about how people are shooting people up in America and we need to do something about keeping slaughter machines out of the hands of crazy folk and why do we only care about people dying when it’s a bomb and not a gun AND/OR something about how we need to cling to our guns and freedoms, and clearly not having an AK-47 = tyranny, and because one person managed to use a gun successfully it’s a good idea for everyone to have easy access to them. The media, which exists to sell itself (and these days, doesn’t even pretend to care more about sharing real policy information than entertainment), THRIVES on this kind of conflict, pushing wedges where really there aren’t any. The truth is, on most policy issues, most people are pretty moderate (which, turns out is kind of a reasonable place to be, hey?). But the way we talk about these issues is like two echo chambers existing side by side, rather than actually communicating. Which is really sad because it makes it impossible to advance the conversation. I’m tired of hearing the same old drumbeats on either side. I’m tired of people painting each other as crazy and stupid when they clearly haven’t listened to what the other really wants. And here’s a hint: you’re not listening to people if you’re spending the entire time trying to figure out how to prove that they’re wrong and you’re smarter.

Here’s two things I wish people would think about more. 1) If you think the answer to a policy problem (especially a controversial one) is really fucking simple, then you’re probably not looking at it carefully enough. 2) You’re not contributing to an effective solution if you can’t hear or address the concerns of those who disagree with you. Be opinionated all you want. Having strong opinions is good. Being engaged in the world around you is good. But it’s still not actually helpful to assume your opinion is the only one worth having and to only want to hear other people tell you that you’re right.

The really worrisome part is that perpetuating these divisions make people really, REALLY angry, and I fear that not only does it not contribute to good policy, but that it makes people really hate each other, dehumanize each other, and makes it seem okay to be more violent with each other, so that it is no longer possible to reach each other with words. People begin see no other recourse than weaponry.

- Something else I’ve been thinking about lately is that it can be a challenge learning how to adjust to a parent who is aging. I think part of growing up is dealing with the disillusionment that comes when you realize your beloved parent isn’t quite the superhero you thought they were when you were 5, but alongside that comes the beautiful part of getting to know them as they are, which can make you love them more deeply and more expansively, and can add wonderful new dimensions to the relationship.

Sometimes, though, it is a challenge when you’re confronted with a parent whose age has turned them into someone they didn’t use to be, especially if some qualities you admired have been replaced by something you don’t. I recently realized that, when you factor in time with a relationship, part of loving someone means letting go of them as they once were and finding love and acceptance for who they are now. Sometimes, the change is so drastic you have to find new ways to connect with them, demonstrate love, and support and encourage them. It’s like you almost have to build a new relationship. It’s not easy. But realizing that brought me a long way closer to making it okay.

- Today I’m baking 5-minute artisan bread. The dough has been resting in the fridge for two days, and I’m anxious to see how it turns out. I’ve made it a few times before, but for some unknown reason (changes in humidity/weather? different flour used?), it comes out differently every single time. So it’s like a surprise every time. We’ll see how well it works today!

So that should probably have made up three posts instead of one. Thanks for indulging me! Tell me, what’s been on your mind lately?

When I looked at my calendar today, I got a shock to discover that it’s May 15. May 15 already?! How did that happen? I was barely coping with it being May, and here, it’s halfway gone. Is it just me or are the days just melting away?

If we were really meeting for coffee, I’d tell you that I’ve been reading this book on natural childbirth. I’ll spare you the details, but I will say that I had been kind of avoiding the topic because it does scare the bejeezus out of me, and so far, most things I hear about it don’t do much to alleviate that. But this book, which talks in depth about how important the mind is to the birth experience and how birth does not need to be a scary, mysterious process, has actually gone a long way towards calming me down. It has calmed me enough to make me feel more ready to be proactive about signing us up for childbirth & breastfeeding classes and get connected with midwives & doulas working here in Chiang Mai. There is a team of British and American ladies here who are all kinds of awesome, so I feel really lucky to live somewhere that has such a fantastic resource.

Otherwise, I’m feeling really great these days. My parents, the godsends that they are, brought this pillow with them (it took up half a suitcase!) and it has made such a difference in my ability to sleep. I admit I was a bit skeptical at first, looking at the thing, but it turns out being surrounded by pillow makes one super comfortable at night! Who knew?

In the meantime, the nesting instinct is hitting me pretty hard and I’m trying really hard to be patient for the shipment of our baby stuff to arrive. I would prefer to see exactly what all we have and start to sort and organize it all before I go out and get anything else. But I’m itching really bad to go and buy cute baskets and nice cabinets to put things in and set up the house for the baby. I just keep telling myself I can’t know for sure what I’ll need until I see what I have.

I wish I had something to share with you that was non-baby-related before I bore you all to tears with all this baby talk but I guess that’s just where my head is these days! Anyway, tell me what’s going on with you? Is the weather getting nicer where you are? What’s consuming your thoughts these days?

Happy Wednesday!

The appointment went well. The ultrasound technician checked out everything. She monitored the heart beat and checked out that the liver, kidneys, lungs, fingers, and toes were all where they should be, while the baby was busy waving his little hands at us. His kicking has definitely gotten stronger the past few days.

So now I’m daydreaming about when I get to teach him all about dinosaurs and rocket ships and bake him cookies, while I’m pretty sure Toby’s contemplating how soon he can take him rock climbing and teach him all about explosives.

From a series of miscarriages, to postpartum depression, to other mental and physical health issues all tumbling down on top of our regular commitment to our families and life responsibilities, we’ve been wading through a long period of intense difficulty.

We were brought together by a shared passion for finding the bigger picture in smaller moments, for looking beyond the mundane to find the sacred and profound, for being able to keep sight of what really matters to us and those we love. We love the community and bonds of sisterhood we have formed. We have found profound inspiration in the wide and diverse participants who have joined us on this journey, and we remain forever changed by the life lessons we’ve learned along the way.

In keeping with what we have learned, however, we know that in order to love others, we must first love ourselves. In order to support others and encourage them with grace and graciousness, we must first extend ourselves a little grace. With this in mind, it has become clear that, as much as we love Bigger Picture Blogs and all it has brought with it and as sad this decision makes us, we need to focus on helping our core members heal from the incredible grief, sadness, anxiety, and pain they are currently experiencing. To do so, we must, regrettably, bring our activities at Bigger Picture Blogs to a close. It has not been an easy decision, but it is a necessary one, and we know our community would not benefit from us simply “going through the motions.” We hope our community understands this and knows how much gratitude for everything they have shared with us.

As one of Bigger Picture Blogs’s core members, this decision will bring about some changes on my own blog as well. I am still passionate as ever about living life with intention, so that spirit will remain in my words, especially in my more serious posts. But I’ll be switching up my posting schedule a little bit, so I would be grateful if you don’t mind hanging around while I try some things out and see what works. I’m still one of the core members of Communal Global, so that won’t change, but most likely I’ll be separating out photos for that series and my Coffee Chats, which will fall on a different day starting next week.

I don’t expect that you’ll see much change in content, just some shifts in what happens when. If you’d like to share with me any opinions about which kinds of posts are your favorites and what you’d like to see more or less of, please do let me know!

Thank you for your understanding, and…please pardon our dust as we work our way through this season of change.

And thank you to all who have participated in Bigger Picture Blogs, and who have made it the vibrant, flourishing, supportive and engaged community it has been. We are ever grateful for you!

A baby onesie that says “Made in Thailand” and an Edamame & Edapapa card

I totally laughed out loud when I pulled it out of the package, and isn’t that card the best?

If we were meeting in person, you might notice that I’m looking both frazzled and happy. My parents arrived safely at nearly midnight on Sunday and we’re so glad to have them here! We’ve had a lot going on between unpacking–it’s like Christmas come early in our house with all the great stuff they brought for us and the baby–and heading over to their new house, which is currently being built, to pick out floors, paint, and landscaping. Plus, they’re super excited to get Thai food again, so we’ve been hitting up our favorite spots to eat.

But it was a bit of a whirlwind getting ready. I had been prepping things here and there through the week before they arrived, but I had left some stuff for our maid to do, as she comes on Sundays.

She didn’t show up. Didn’t call. No explanation. Just didn’t show. So Toby & I spent Sunday scurrying around mopping and scrubbing, sweating like crazy because by the time we realized she wasn’t going to come it was no longer the cool morning, it was pretty much the heat of mid-day. (Is this a first world problem or a third world problem? High class problem, most probably. I kept stewing in my annoyance that if this were the U.S. this totally would not have happened, and if it did, that maid would be fired unless there was a good reason for it. But then, if this were the U.S., it totally would not have happened because I wouldn’t be able to afford a maid in the first place. So there’s some perspective.)

Anyway, the rains seem to finally have come, and there’s usually a wet spell around 4 or 5 p.m., so I take that hour and sit in our comfy chair by the front porch, with my dog at my feet and everything turned off except a string of Christmas lights, and I’ll just listen to some classical music and the rain. I love that time to just be quiet, rub my preggo belly, and enjoy just being for a while.

On Thursday, we’ll have another doctor’s visit, where hopefully (fingers crossed!) we’ll finally find out if the baby is a boy or girl. I can’t wait! Let’s just hope the baby isn’t so shy this time around!

Well, that’s what’s going on over here. What’s happening with you?

 Join us at Communal Global, and show us what’s in your world this week!

Via Joie De Vivre (I think. Not actually sure about the original source because tumblr’s horrible for tracking that. I’m not even convinced this is a precise quote from HH Dalai Lama.)

I came across this image pinned on Pinterest and felt instantly both happy and guilty. I felt happy because, ever since I was about 20 years old or so, I’ve made it my life’s goal to travel someplace new every year. For me, travel is an essential part of a life lived with intention: it exposes me to new sights, sounds, people, cultures…ways of thinking, ways of interacting, and ways of being, so I can be more intentional about my habits of thought and action, choosing which ones are worth keeping and which are worth sloughing away. I’m the kind of person who gravitates towards friends I admire because I love to learn from them. It’s my friends who help me be more generous, more kind, more complimentary, more willing to stand up for myself, more funny, more open, more creative, and more courageous than I would have been, if left to my own devices.

Travel does that for me too. While others might worship power, money, status, or prestige, I bow to the altars of Freedom and Experience. I choose an unfettered life in which I can continually explore and learn and grow. I chose a lifestyle that affords me opportunities to do so, even if it means being far from people we love and that I roam outside the box, fall off the corporate ladder, and don’t fit in anyone’s pigeonhole.

I couldn’t always afford travel, of course. The greatest irony, I discovered when I graduated from college and started working at a publishing company, is that the college life afforded plenty of time to travel, but no money. I started working and had plenty of money, but no time. Nevertheless, I made my resolution stick. By hook or by crook, I would see some place new every year. It didn’t have to be exotic and it didn’t have to be fancy, or even comfortable. Sure, flying off to Greece would be lovely, but there were plenty of things to explore in my vicinity.

So, sometimes that new place involved a flight overseas (my 25th birthday present to myself was a trip, all by myself, to Germany). Some years it was as exotic as South Carolina. Or it was a festival in the desert, like Burning Man. Or just a new city in my home state. And I’ve bunked on couches, camped in tents, shared rooms in hostels, and even spent nights sleeping in a car to make it possible.

When I came across that pin, I felt so happy because this one life goal has brought me so many experiences and a life that I already feel has been so enriched.

But I felt guilty too. Because this whole living life with intention thing is an ongoing process. I’ve flown halfway around the world and landed in the tropics on the other side, but that grand gesture doesn’t let me off the hook. Just because I did it once, doesn’t mean I get to be complacent. If I want to still learn and see and experience and grow, I can’t forget my life goal.

And this year, I almost had–might have entirely, if I hadn’t seen that quote. Since getting pregnant, I’ve lain low. We had talked about going to Bangkok for a shopping & eating expedition at our favorite shops and restaurants, but I mentally shoved it aside, feeling uncomfortable with too much exertion when I felt I should focus on the baby. This year we’re celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary not by jetting off like we did last year, but by staying at an uber-fancy resort right here in town. (Turns out, when you don’t have to pay for transcontinental flights, you can put that money towards some swank accommodations!) And maybe that’s okay. The Parent ‘Hood is definitely new territory for us–a whole new wealth of experience and learning that I can only begin to imagine.

Now that I’m thinking about it again, we’ll probably work in a day or weekend getaway to one of the little towns near us that we haven’t yet seen. I hear Chiang Dao is beautiful, and it’s only a few hours’ drive away. I do wonder though, whether a new place in life constitutes a new place for being and seeing. Maybe, as Proust has said, it’s about seeing things with new eyes more than it’s about just seeing new things period.

Either way, every now and again, it helps to get that reminder to stay open.

If we were really meeting for coffee today, I would tell you I’m enjoying this brief break to chat with you in what is turning out to be a very busy week. My parents are returning to Thailand on Sunday (YAY!), which means I’m spending the week preparing for their return, airing out the guest bedrooms, freshening the laundry, and taking care of a variety of sundry items to hopefully help them feel welcome when they get here.

Cousins from Bangkok dropped in for an impromptu visit last night and we enjoyed a dinner of yellow curry & roti, white turmeric salad, stir-fried chayote, river fish soup, and crying tiger (grilled steak strips with a spicy dipping sauce), with coconut sticky rice & mango for dessert. I knew the restaurant was a hit when my cousins ordered seconds of the curry and crying tiger and one cousin, who normally would never take the last bite of a dish, hoarded the curry & roti to himself.

In the meantime, now that I have a bit more energy, I’ve been using it to get caught up on news regarding Thai and ASEAN policies on human trafficking, and the various economic, development, and social factors that influence regional trends. God, that sounds so dry, doesn’t it? But I love my job, and as easy as it can be to get wrapped up in what’s going on the local level with the group of 140 kids that we’re personally involved with and their individual dramas (who is getting themselves into trouble, who is being abused, and how do we reach out to this one with an attachment disorder or that one whose parents have died of AIDS), I find it helps so much to see things in context, to understand the trends in the world around them, and to make the links between what’s happening on the local level versus the national and international levels. Governments are getting marginally savvier about combatting the trade of human beings, but as the region opens up and movement across borders becomes ever easier, it’s highly likely that the forces behind trafficking will get stronger as well.

This year has been a big year for The SOLD Project, which is celebrating its 5th anniversary. Having secured sponsorship from The Nike Foundation (and its philanthropic arm, The Girl Effect) and made alliances with large, reputable international human rights organizations, we’re enjoying attention from various news sources, and we’ve been able to expand in staff and infrastructure and may even be able to move into other communities, provided we can find the local talent we need to set up and run operations there. Our president has been meeting with other business leaders to work out visions for our 5- and 10-year plans and beyond, and she asked me, in preparation for this meeting, to help her dream big about what our expansion might look like. If I could dream really big, SOLD would one day be able to use both its on-the-ground experience and international legitimacy to encourage local government agencies to meet international standards, especially vis a vis the rights of the undocumented. ASEAN’s greatest asset, its insistence on noninterference with national sovereignty in domestic affairs, is also its greatest liability when it comes to agreeing on and enforcing regulations in issues like trafficking that operate on both domestic and international fronts. This is where I think grassroots campaigns can play the biggest role, helping to apply pressure where international bodies like ASEAN and the UN cannot.

In the meantime, tomorrow I celebrate the 20th week of my pregnancy–I’m halfway done! It is both exciting and daunting, as I can feel the baby move more often and more strongly (real fun when the baby starts punching me in the bladder) and I’m that much closer to being able to meet him or her–but also am that much closer to that fun day of labor, which I’m really actually not looking forward to because, well, pain and me aren’t friends.

Anyway, that’s what’s happening in my little pocket of the world. What’s going on in yours?

P.S. OMG, is it really May tomorrow? GAH.