That’s right, today is my 27th birthday. I’m not yet old enough to hide it or lie about it! So far, today has been a wonderful day, full of sweet birthday messages from friends and all the gifts every writer hopes for: coffee, chocolate, and books!

But the best gift is the one I gave myself: a completed Draft 3 of my novel! (pictured left) Yesterday, I finished the “final for now” edits and printed the whole thing out, then ran to Kinko’s to have it bound. This is the first time I’ve printed it out after working on it for 3 years (this draft for the past 6 months) and it feels so good to finally have something to hold in my hands and say, “I did this!”

Of course, a couple of weeks ago, I was not so optimistic. Actually, it was exactly two weeks ago today that I still had 15 scenes of major edits to do and at the rate I had been working, it would have taken me three or four more weeks to finish them. Not all that long, considering, but after working tirelessly on this version of my story for a year and a half, I was positively burned out, not moving forward at all, and sure that another month of editing before I could even step back and look at what I’d created would kill me.

So I made a decision. Knowing that my NaNo-trained brain works better under pressure, and more than ready to get this thing done already, I set a crazy goal to finish those 15 scenes in ten days. And then I got to work. As usual, once I put my mind to it, the words came flooding in and the story lines practically tied themselves up. I was flying right along until the final day when–as if the universe was testing just how bad I wanted it–my entire family came down with food poisoning and I spent the next few days nursing them, cleaning up after them, and…well, I’ll leave out the gory details. But finally, on Tuesday, still overcome with nausea, I wrote the last words of my rewrite!

Today is the first day I feel like myself again and the first day I have that big stack of paper sitting on my desk, waiting for me to do something with it. I wish I could say it was ready to be shipped out, but alas, it is almost there. I feel like that is the motto of my writing career. It has been particularly hard the last few months as I watch so many of my friends getting their publishing contracts and landing their agents and here I still am, picking away at the same manuscript. It’s not for nothing, I know. I have learned so much while writing this manuscript that it still astounds me. But this final stretch has been the hardest part so far. I just want to be there, you know? Almost there…almost there…

So tomorrow I start Draft 4. Now that the story structure is complete and everything is there, this draft will be a matter of cleaning up things on the scene level and I know (I hope) it will go much quicker. I plan to have it finished before I go on vacation a month from now. Then, after a couple of weeks away, I will do a final pass for continuity and flow before I finally–finally!–send it off to beta readers!

Thanks to all of you who have been so kind to think of me on my birthday, and I look forward to sharing another year of writing adventures!

This past Christmas I got an iPad from my husband (as if I needed more reasons to love him). It wasn’t completely out of the blue because we’d been looking for a new computer I could use for my writing. I’d been working on a Dell laptop but after only three years, the thing was already ancient, running so slow I couldn’t accomplish anything and generally driving me insane. I needed an update badly.

I don’t want to start a PC vs Mac debate here but I will say I’ve used Windows-based computers my whole life and I’ve never been fully happy. I wanted a Mac, but the biggest downside is always the price. I liked the idea of getting a tablet, but it would have been a pointless purchase if I couldn’t accomplish at least 90% of my computer needs on it.

What a Writer Needs

Here’s what I wanted out my new computer:

• an organized writing program, first and foremost
• full-finger typing
• the ability to easily backup my work
• the ability to track my writing progress with my Writing Progress Spreadsheet
• easy access to all my social media
• the ability to write and edit code for my website
• the ability to easily blog and add pictures to those blogs
• image editing software similar to the Photoshop program I use
• ability to critique manuscripts for my writer friends
• organization, organization, organization

As you can see, I didn’t need much (*wink*). But after a lot of research, I found almost all of what I needed in an iPad. So my big Christmas surprise was getting it a day early. After four months, I have become very comfortable using it and have found very little I can’t do.

Working on an iPad

If you’ve been debating getting an iPad or already have one but aren’t sure how use it for your writing projects, here’s how I make it work:

• Writing: When I first looked, back in December, Scrivener, the writing program I have used and loved for years, was supposed to have an iPad version “soon”…whatever that means. While I waited, I downloaded Pages for $10 (the Apple version of Word). It’s worked well since I’ve mostly been editing, but it is simple. I wasn’t able to format my contest entries to industry standard so I had to switch to my laptop for that. Mostly, though, I missed having my index card outline/scene map (as opposed to having one big unmanageable document).

  After four months of waiting for Scrivener, I couldn’t take it anymore. I found Storyist ($10) that boasted similar features. After using it for a week, I can proudly say that I love it more than I ever loved Scrivener. It has all the features I actually use, rather than a bunch I don’t, and I can complete actions in half the steps. The best part is that while it does have a scene breakdown so you can skip around as much as you like, it also compiles into a single document at the same time that I can easily email to my critique group in just a few taps.

• Typing: I knew I would want a regular keyboard right from the get go and there are a lot of Bluetooth options out there. I opted for a case that propped my iPad up at a similar angle as a laptop and had a built in keyboard. For the most part, it works well (my only issues are with the case design itself–not the functionality). But since I prefer to use my iPad outside of the case most of the time, I have gotten used to the touch keyboard and now I use it more than the Bluetooth keyboard (doing it this way does come with the inevitable problem of autocorrect–I’ve come to live with it).
• Backing Up: There are a lot of Cloud programs out there these days. I use Google Drive (free). I uploaded all of my writing files for multiple books and all my website files, and I still haven’t used more than half of the free 5GB Google gives you for free. It automatically integrates with most file-producing apps (Pages, Numbers, Storyist, Photos, etc.) A couple of taps and your work is safe.
• Spreadsheets: The official spreadsheet app from Apple is Numbers ($10) and it imports Excel spreadsheets wonderfully.
• Social Media: If you have an smart phone, you’re probably already using all the social media apps–now just imagine them bigger and better. Facebook, Twitter (Check out Hootsuite and Tweetcaster), Pinterest, and Goodreads. Also, the built-in Mail app works great. I was even able to set it up to send mail from my official website email address within the program. All free.
• Coding: Since I have a browser on my iPad and I use WordPress to design my website, I’m able to access the code as usual. It’s harder to maneuver around the code so I only do small updates this way. For more extensive changes, I dust off the old laptop.
• Blogging: WordPress has a beautiful app that they update frequently. I can blog, add and update pages, watch my stats, and browse other WordPress blogs. Basically everything you can do in the desktop version, you can do in the app.
• Image Editing: This is the only downside I have found for my purposes. There is a Photoshop Touch app, but it’s new and needs a lot of work. If you just want to put simple text on a picture, this will work for that. If you want to add some effects, fine. But if you want to do any majors graphic work like I do, you will have to return to your computer for that. But once the image is done, send it to your cloud and you will be able to put the image wherever you want from there.
• Critiquing: Okay, this is the coolest thing in the world. I’m sure by now we’ve all used Word to track changes, but what if you could mark up your friends’ manuscripts just like you were doing it on paper? iAnnotate ($10) gives you that ability! Mark up the story, then email it out right from the app.
• Organization: If you’re going to be a successful writer in this day and age, you’re going to have to be organized. I downloaded PI Go! ($5), a calendar and task manager that syncs with Google Calendar and Tasks to track my writing, blogging, and event schedule. I also sync the built-in Mail app with Gmail and use the folders to organize emails by content. I have files in Google Drive for all the agents I want to query. And the fact that everything links together makes it so simple to use.
• Other apps I love: Flipboard, Wattpad, Dictionary.com, Kindle, and iTunes, of course!

I know this has been a long post but I hope I’ve provided you with lots of tools and ideas to make your iPad work for you. I have come to love mine more than I thought I could, and I don’t think I’ll be able to go back. The ability to throw it in my purse (figuratively speaking) and write in any comfortable position are just added bonuses.

Do you work on an iPad? What tools do you use? Do you have any questions about using an iPad for writing or on any of the apps I listed?

About a month ago, D.D. Falvo wrote the most charming post on Hugs and Chocolate about her muse, a purple dragon named Zeb. I laughed along with her personification of the moody and sometimes elusive inspiration. I know all writers can relate.

Being that most of my friends are now writers, the muse is a common topic of conversation and I’ve heard it personified in many ways. Writers talk about how their characters speak to them and have a mind of their own. I smile and nod and agree, but I have something to admit…

My muse is not a person. Nor is it an animal. It doesn’t speak to me in words.

In a way, I have felt like an anomaly amongst anomalies. I never understood why I didn’t experience these conversations with my subconscious.

Then I joined Pinterest a few months ago–a sometimes dangerous, sometimes inspiring place for writers. Thankfully, for me it has mostly been inspiring, and as I gathered images that helped me connect to my story, I noticed a pattern.

My muse is a place.

When I close my eyes, it isn’t a man or a woman or a dragon in front of me, it’s an early morning mist on a path in the forest. It’s a Saturday morning with time on my hands and the beating of a heavy rain. It’s twinkling lights on a dark night and a promise of romance in my heart.

My muse is a feeling.

It’s a first kiss or a reunion of lost lovers. A lingering touch of forbidden emotions. A desire for forever when all you have is today.

When I close my eyes and search for the inspiration to write, this is what speaks to me. What speaks to you?

For pictures of my muse, check out my Inspiration board on Pinterest!

Photo by Jeff Turner

Originally posted on Hugs & Chocolate

“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.”
— Roger Miller

Today I’d like to talk about point-of-view, something that has always been highly important to me and something that has evolved in my writing over the years. For those of you who have read my stories, you know I like to dig my heels deeply into my characters’ hearts, set up camp, and then invite you in for a hot cup of coffee. It’s the best seat in the house.

There are three common points-of-view used in fiction: 1st person, 3rd person limited, and 3rd person omniscient. Two things usually dictate which one you choose: your writing style or your story. For me, first person is a choice I’ll make 9 times out of 10 because that’s how I connect to my characters and that’s what shapes the tone of my story. It’s a stylistic thing.

For others, it may vary from story to story. For instance, fantasy is often written in 3rd person because of the vast amount of world building that needs to be done, while Young Adult is commonly 1st person to create the familiar emotional intensity of adolescence in the reader. I’ll let you Google the many articles out there about which one is right for you, but no matter your choice, there are some common tips that mean the difference between watching the story play out on a mental screen and stepping into the character’s shoes.

Eliminating Filter Words

Courtney already gave us a wonderful post on filter words and in it she says, “They distance the reader from the story. It’s one extra step the reader has to take in order to experience action with the character.” There’s no better way to say it so I’ll leave it at that and encourage you to check out her post again for a list of common filter words.

Sensory Details

Including the five senses is essential in each scene yet it often gets overlooked. I think we’re so used to experiencing the world through them, we take for granted that without them I wouldn’t be able to feel the warm blanket over my legs right now; I wouldn’t hear the space heater running beside the couch; I couldn’t see the screen in front of me to type this, or taste the remnants of the Granny Smith apple I ate a few minutes ago. I could have simply said I’m typing this on my iPad in my living room but don’t the use of my senses create a much clearer picture?

Character Thoughts and Feelings

In any given moment, a person has an emotional reaction or thought about what is happening around them, or what happened earlier in the day or week or month. They have feelings about what other people say or do, or what might happen in the future. It is a rare moment when we aren’t reacting to our surroundings. Bring your character to life by giving us a glimpse into his or her mind and heart with internal monologue, skillfully included using the POV of your choice. Make us feel it too.

There are many ways to put readers behind the eyes of your characters but these are just a few. They say you don’t know someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, and a novel is a cross-country trek. Bring us along.

Photo by Newtown grafitti

Originally posted on Hugs & Chocolate

Have you ever finished writing a manuscript, and after months of blood, sweat, and tears, you realize that even after all that work, your story doesn’t look at all like you imagined it in your head? In fact, after a second glance, you’re sure a toddler temporarily overtook your brain and scribbled 400 pages of crayon doodles? Of course you have…you’re a writer. You’ve probably felt that way about everything you’ve ever written…like I have.

Up until this point in my writing “career,” that hasn’t mattered much. Mostly my readers have been friends and writing groups. I post fiction online too but even in that venue, readers are generally pretty forgiving. Not so with publishing industry professionals. There is very little room for mistakes and if you make them, they better be small. Tiny. Miniscule. Talk about pressure.

Getting in the (Publishing) Game

Over the next couple of weeks I’m preparing for my first writing contest ever. I’m talking the big deal with two rounds, multiple judges, announcement of the finalists at the next conference, and the final round judged by editors of major publishing houses. Yeah…that kind of scary.

It’s an exciting adventure to be sure, a thrill to imagine where it could lead. The final judge for my category is an editor at Free Press, an imprint of Simon & Schuster. Never before has every word, every period, and every character of my manuscript been under such scrutiny. Sometimes the anxiety to get it all right leaves me panic stricken. I only get one chance to put my best work in front of this woman who could potentially be my gateway into the holy land.

Previously, I’ve never had a reason to get this far into the process of editing. I guess I always imagined entering the chaos of the publishing world as something that would happen way down the road. Like, way down. I’ve taken my time, learning more about this, fiddling with that, but after five years of writing, getting critiqued, editing, and dreaming, it’s time to dive in, sink or swim. So despite my fear, I’m going through the first 20 pages of my manuscript with a fine-toothed comb. I’ve re-understood my characters, re-worked motivations, re-invented the details, and rewritten this novel so many times that I have more loose ends than the hem of grandma’s skirt.

Upping the Ante

Before I started this final-for-now edit, I had a long brainstorming session with my writing partners and nailed down what was working and what wasn’t, for better or worse. The time for flip-flopping has come and gone. And now, with that focus in mind, I’m sifting out the dirt and looking for the gems. And you know what? They are there. Actually, never before have they shined brighter. And I don’t think anything less than the pressure to perform at my best would have gotten me here.

I’m the ultimate perfectionist at heart, especially when it comes to my writing. I think every artist is that way. But putting myself in this position has taught me that I know more than I ever realized about who I am as a writer, what I want to bring to this ever expanding sea of literature, what my writing voice sounds like, what I can accomplish when I put my mind to it, and what process works best for me. The deadline and the stakes have forced me to stopped questioning myself and realize the truths that were already there, clouded by the uncertainty an unlimited time frame allows.

Get Out There

Do it. I know you’re scared. I know you don’t think you’re ready. Guess what–just like getting married and having kids–you’re never going to be ready. You learn as you go. Underneath all those scribbles is your story, and as soon as you trust yourself enough to find it, you will. Make the decision. Raise the stakes. And watch yourself rise to the occasion.

What’s holding you back from taking the next step? Or, what deadlines are you working toward? What steps have you taken that have forced you to grow as a writer?

Photo by Steve Jurvetson

Over the last week, I spent some time reorganizing my website and clearing out old, unnecessary content. I have some blog posts that date all the way back to 2008 that don’t (and probably won’t) get looked at anymore, so it was time to retire some of them to keep things fresh. I skimmed through a lot of them to decide yay or nay and it was more fun and informative than I would have imagined to see how much my writing and my views on writing have changed over the years.

When I set out to complete my first novel five years ago (right around the time I started blogging), I had no idea how far it would go. I just loved it. I still do. I still can’t live a single day without writing at the forefront of my life. Since then, I’ve had time to grow as a person and a writer, enriching my life experience with two amazing daughters, and improving my writing craft with classes and books and practice. And now finally, ready or not (but hopefully ready), I submitted my partial manuscript to The Sandy contest where, if I final, my work will be read by an editor for an imprint of Simon and Schuster.

I’m about 10% nervous and 90% excited. Maybe I should be more nervous but it’s such an incredible opportunity and I’m thrilled to be a part of it. I feel like just the act of putting myself out there and taking the next step in my career is already a win. It amazes me how such a seemingly small feat has changed my outlook on who I am as a writer. It’s impossible to know how far away a publishing career is at this point, but I have taken the first step into the life of a professional and the possibilities are exhilarating.

As the daughter of an entrepreneur, I have been told to “act as if” more times than I can count. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m writing, scheduling my days, putting my work out there, and presenting myself as if I have a positive answer to that inevitable question, “do you have anything published?” Because I feel (and hope!) it is just beyond the horizon.

———-

The reformatting of my website means there is now a stronger division between content geared toward writers and that geared toward readers. If you would like to follow my news, journals (such as these), and stories available online, please subscribe via email in the sidebar to the right. If you are interested in articles pertaining to writing and publishing, please visit the updated page For Writers and subscribe via RSS. As always, I really do appreciate your support more than I can say.

Last week The Stretch Mark Club, my short web serial following the struggles of three new mothers, was chosen to be one of fifty stories featured during Wattpad.com’s Chick Lit genre launch. Over the last eight days, my story has received an astounding 3,000 new reads which makes me a very happy writer momma!

If you are a member of Wattpad.com, you can visit Wattpad.com/ChickLit to read The Stretch Mark Club as well as forty-nine other quality chick lit stories written by published authors and everyday writers who, like me, just want to share their work with people who appreciate it. If you are not a member, you can still read my completed story right here on my website at JamieRaintree.com/TheStretchMarkClub.

Originally posted on Hugs & Chocolate

Subplots. There. That was easy. Oh, you want to hear the whole explanation? Fair enough.

For those of you who read my personal blog, you know the obstacles I overcame to win National Novel Writing Month this year. For those of you who don’t, it was an insane combination of two kids under 3, out of town guests, and several emotional breakdowns. Yet, I would call this year’s NaNoWriMo the most successful yet and not just because I overcame those obstacles, but also because I regularly hit word counts I’ve never accomplished before while fighting through that “sagging middle.” How did I do it?

The Power of Subplots

The problem with most of my outlines (and all of my first drafts) is that I have only a few scenes planned when I start writing. I know the major plot points and the first act is always crystal clear. But after that, things get fuzzy and I have a hard time getting from Point B to Point C, which means I’m clueless as to how I’ll ever get to Point D. Usually I do it with a bunch of random scenes like dinners–lots of them–and my characters doing dishes (you can’t have one without the other, right?). But then I get to the end of that outline or draft and realize there are a lot of boring scenes I’m not interested in writing (or rewriting), which means there’s no way anyone is going to be interested in reading them.

It took me a while to figure out why I was flailing and then it hit me–I’m not digging deep enough. Not digging deep enough into the story, into the character’s lives, into their friend’s and family’s lives. I was only thinking of the main plot. But if you’re writing a full-length novel, your main character is about more that just that single conflict. Just like you, he or she is juggling relationships, family, friends, work, personal goals, and more.

Breaking It Down

I’ll use my novel as an example.

The main plot/conflict is between my main character and her failing relationship.
But my main character also has issues with the expectations her mom still has for her.
And her father, who she hasn’t had a conversation with in seventeen years.
And then there’s the damage her career is doing to her personal life, no matter how much she loves it, as she reaches a crossroads in her professional life.
And her closest friends are getting divorced.

And to think–when I first thought of this novel, I only had the main plot in mind.

So think of it this way: My novel has about 60 scenes. Since my main conflict is the most important, let’s say it fills half the scenes–30. These scenes include things like the issues my heroine and hero have that are keeping them apart, the one major issue that is the catalyst for their growth, the scenes my main character spends trying to come to terms with it, the scenes in which they take turns trying to fix it, and the scenes where they’re sure it’s over. My MC’s career is also important so we’ll say that’s 10 more scenes. Then, take the other 20 scenes and divide them by the 4 remaining conflicts and we have 5 scenes each.

Now we’ll do the math. And remember, this is just a rough idea just to illustrate my point, not a concrete outline.

Act 1
8 scenes for the main conflict
3 scenes for the secondary conflict
1-2 scenes for each remaining conflict

Act 2, Part 1
7 scenes for the main conflict
2 scenes for the secondary conflict
1-2 scenes for each remaining conflict

Act 2, Part 2
7 scenes for the main conflict
2 scenes for the secondary conflict
1-2 scenes for each remaining conflict

Act 3
8 scenes for the main conflict
3 scenes for the secondary conflict
1-2 scenes for each remaining conflict

Some subplots won’t require 5 scenes, while some will require more. Sometimes you’ll have two or more conflicts within a single scene. But try to come up with at least 5 situations to put your character in which will show the story arc for each subplot. For instance, the conflict my MC has with her father would go like this: them not speaking, revealing why, show the misunderstanding, exacerbate the misunderstanding, and then resolve the conflict. Once you have similar snapshots in mind, sprinkle them throughout your novel, weaving them with the other plots, and you’ll never be short on scenes to write.

A Well of Scene Ideas

It may not always be clear at the beginning of your novel which conflicts your character will battle (mine don’t usually make themselves known until after the first draft) but if you’re having hard time coming up with them, start by thinking of your own. If your life was a novel, what would your plots and subplots be? And then, go from there. Because your characters are just people too (for most of you).

What techniques have you used to get through Act II?

Photo by barockschloss

Mick sends my newest track over a few days later than expected but as soon as I hear my voice come over the speakers and sing the first line, I understand what he meant the day I recorded it. I do sound different. The words are coming from a deeper, more honest place–a place I haven’t opened myself up to since those days with Nate and for the first time in a long time, I think there’s something there, something people could connect to. Even as a woman who writes love songs, to me love is still impossible to describe, to define, to capture. But somehow, Nate’s presence has brought the breath of life to my lyrics again. And now, on my way back to the studio, I have inspiration in my grasp.

As I pull into the parking lot of the nondescript building, my phone rings and it’s Nate’s name on the Caller ID. Even though I’m expecting his call, my heart skips a beat.

“Did you make it back okay?” I ask when I pick up the phone.

“I did. I just wanted to give you a call and make sure you didn’t give me the wrong phone number.”

I laugh. “I thought about it…but then I realized if I had, you’d be pouring your heart out on YouTube again and I didn’t want to put all those poor girls through it.”

His chuckle is music to my ears. I get out of my car and walk toward the studio door.

“Listen,” he says, “After I left yesterday, I realized something.”

“Yeah?”

“We never really went out on a date. Not an official one.”

“Having my dad drive us to Homecoming didn’t count?”

He laughs. “Will you come see me?”

“Come see you? Where?”

“I’m in Florida now. But I’ll be in New York tomorrow.”

I stop walking. “New York?”

“I’ll fly you out here, of course. If you have time, you could stay the weekend. We could…get to know each other again.” His voice is bashful and it creates that familiar fluttering feeling in my heart.

I’d tried to walk away from Nate yesterday. It probably would have been the best thing for both of us. He could have gone on with his career, knowing I was sorry for letting him go all those years ago. He could have moved on. He could have told me he’d forgiven me and released me from the guilt I’d been holding onto. I never would have forgotten him, but maybe I would have found someone else to make me happy.

Instead, he’d asked me to take a chance.

“Okay,” I say.

“Really?” he asks.

“Yes.”

The line is quiet for a moment, nothing but movement and static. Finally, he says, “I’ll have my assistant send you the details.”

“Okay,” I say, biting back a grin.

“And Katie?”

“Yes?”

“You asked me yesterday if I was mad at you and I didn’t have a good answer.”

My stomach is uneasy as I wait for him to continue.

“Unresolved. That’s the word I was searching for. Not mad…unresolved.”

I walk into the studio with stars in my eyes. I’m humming the song I wrote for Nate, the one that already has over a million hits on Youtube. Mick looks up from his mixing board with a questioning smirk.

“I have my last song,” I say.

For updates on upcoming fiction, find me at http://facebook.com/jamieraintreeauthor

Thank you for reading A Song For Butterflies! This is as far as I have planned at this time. If it is something you would like to see continued, please let me know!

“Remind me why you started calling me butterfly?” I ask as we walk our familiar path around the pond. I know the answer, but I want to hear him say it. I want to know if he remembers.

Nate laughs. “Because the-girl-who-lives-in-a-cocoon was too long?”

I smile and roll my eyes. “Seriously.”

“Because…you used to come alive around me. You would break out of that shell you always had around you at school. I wish you’d get out of it now.”

Is it that obvious? We walk in silence next to each other for a while. We should be holding hands. It’s the way we used to walk together, with our guitars slung over our shoulders. I build up the courage to say, “I miss you.”

He narrows his eyes at me, furrows his brow.

“You’re surprised?” I ask.

“Well, yeah. You’re the one who broke up with me. You’re the one who didn’t answer my calls for months afterward until I finally gave up.”

“Nate, c’mon. It wasn’t like that.”

“Yes, it was,” he says, raising his voice, not in anger but with conviction.

I don’t know where my tears have come from but they sting my eyes as I say, “I just wanted you to have your chance. And I’m glad I did. Look at you.” I motion to him, this statuesque, vision of a man that I’ve ached for every day since he left. It can’t be true that he’s standing in front of me now. I thought I would never hear my name on his lips again.

He stops walking. “I didn’t need you to make my decision for me. I’m a grown man.”

“You weren’t then. And you have to admit, it made it a lot easier, didn’t it?”

He doesn’t answer and I know I’m right. But now, here we are, neither of us children anymore, holding onto a love between two people who no longer exist. And yet, it feels like they’re still here. At least some form of them.

We start walking again. “My mom still asks about you,” he says.

“I miss her too. Please tell her hi for me.”

“I will.”

“She didn’t like that tattooed girl you were dating?”

Nate laughs. “She never met her. But she sure did have a lot to say about her over the phone.”

I smile. “I bet she did.”

“What about you?” he asks. “You dating anyone?”

He walks with his hands in his pockets, kicking invisible rocks along the sidewalk.

“No.”

“Have you dated anyone?”

I’m hurt by his question. Is it impossible that anyone else could have wanted me? Or should I have been sitting around waiting for him?

“Nothing serious,” I say. Because I have been waiting around for him. No one has come close to comparing.

Nate stops and reaches out to grab my shoulders, his grasp soft but firm. “Katie, I’m trying to understand what’s going on in your head.”

His nose is inches from mine and he’s so close I could kiss him if I wanted to. I almost do, just to see if it feels the same, or if that has changed too.

“I don’t know, Nate. Does it matter? When you leave here in a few minutes, what possibilities are there? You’ll go back to your superstar lifestyle and I’ll be here, finishing up my album. Maybe I’ll play at some local venues. Maybe I’ll do a radio tour, if I’m lucky. And then I’ll go back to my minimum wage job and watch you live our dream.”

“You are still stuck in high school, aren’t you? We aren’t kids anymore. You can have whatever you want, if you’d just believe in yourself, the way I always have.”

He makes it sound like it’s so easy but all he’s doing is reminding me that I’ve searched for my spot in the world every waking moment of my life for the past three years, only to find closed doors. And he shouldn’t have to hold my hand as I try to find myself.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to pull you back into this.” I take a step back. “It was nice catching up with you.”

Nate lets go of me and runs his fingers through his hair roughly. “You’re doing this again? This is it?”

“What else is there?”

He ponders me, slowly moves my hair from my face, and speaks softly when he says, “Our worlds aren’t that far apart, you know.”

“Yes, they are.”

“They don’t have to be.”

I frown because he’s saying all the right things at the worst possible time.

“What are you saying, Nate? What do you want?”

For updates on upcoming fiction, find me at http://facebook.com/jamieraintreeauthor