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A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what?” says the 6 year old. “I think it’s about time we started cussing.”

The 4 year old nods his head in approval The 6 year old continues, “when we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.”

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, “You can stay there until I let you out!”

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”

“I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!”

3-4 weeks ago a small (emphasis on small) bump appeared kind of on the backside of where my shoulder and armpit meet. didn’t think much of it – actually thought it was a small pimple starting up, so i didn’t mess with it.

after a couple of weeks of being there i decided, “i’m going to pop this thing and get it over with,” but when i tried to mess with it, it felt hard like there was a pelet or BB under my skin. so again i let it go, until …

overnight one night it went from the size of a BB to a golf ball!!!! not only was it golf ball size, but it became purple and red and sore … a good enough sign it’s time to go to the doctor.

So, the doctor decides it’s an abcess and says, “let’s cut it out.” Now, it looks like i’ve got a gunshot wound next to my armpit!

that dark stuff near the bottom is tape residue

I ACTUALLY HAVE A HOLE IN MY ARM!!!!!
It’s about the diameter of the inner hole of a CD/DVD and about as deep as your average pinky finger up to the first knuckle. Crazy insane.

This afternoon I went through the drive-through at a certain local fast food chain. When I asked the kind lady taking my money and passing my food through a hole in the side of the wall, I asked for a cup of barbecue dipping sauce.

“That’ll be $0.25,” she said in a semi-joking manner.
“Yeah, just put it on my tab,” I quipped in a like manner.
“No, seriously. If you didn’t order chicken strips or something that logically accompanies your order, we have to charge $0.25.”
“Yabba-dabba what?! Well, Nevermind, I guess my fries aren’t dippable enough. Thanks anyway.”

So, THAT’S where they’re going to overcome their losses – charging a quarter for 2 oz of barbecue sauce? Sign of the apocalypse.

Enjoy.

[Show as slideshow]

I know I know, I feel strange enough just watching

BUT … What is it about these cheesy movies that lock me in and I just can’t change the channel?