Introductions—sticking out one’s hand and looking another person in the eye—can be terrifying. The brain locks up as you scramble to think of something relevant to say. You fall apart as soon as you’re asked what you do for a living. You stammer. The heat rises in your face and under your arms. You’re suddenly incapable of forming a grammatical sentence. You think to yourself, “Why would anyone care about me? I’m really not that interesting!”

Fear not. Many shy people have succeeded in meeting new people and forming lasting, happy relationships. With a little practice, you can too. Here are some tips for taming your social terror.

1. Prepare a pitch. The question, “So, Sally, what do you do for a living?” is bound to come up, so have a ready answer. No need to brag about capturing the company Tidy Break room Award; just state clearly what you do for a living and don’t apologize for it!

2. Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves (okay, except for people like you), so ask questions. Come up with a list before you leave the house, i.e., How did you get into that line of work? Where did you go to school? Have you seen the new Brad Pitt movie? And so on.

3. When you fumble, turn the subject to the other person. Whenever you find yourself longing to throw a blanket over your head and crawl off, try saying something like “And what about you?”

4. Listen to what the other person is saying! This is important. Instead of fretting about what you’ll say next, still the wheels of your mind and listen. If a man tells you about his weekend on the golf course, and you know absolutely nothing about golf, just ask him what he likes about it, how he got into it, etc.

5. Smile. People respond well to people who smile. No need to grin like an idiot, but a disarming smile will get ‘em every time. Smiling conveys friendliness and approachability. Show teeth whenever possible. Avoid looking like a figure at a wax museum by practicing in a mirror before you leave the house.

6. Breathe. Whenever you feel your heart racing, breathe deeply and slowly. If you really start to feel uncomfortable (your face has become so hot you could use it for a wok), excuse yourself and go to the restroom.

7. Compliment the other person. Sincerity is key, so find something you like and mention it. You may be freaked out by the idea of complimenting a man on his soulful eyes, so mention his watch, suit, tie, or even his shoes. No need to go overboard: “Nice shoes,” will do it.

8. Stay on top of current events. You don’t necessarily want to bring up your stand on Bush v. Kerry during a first meeting, but be able to discuss less controversial issues intelligently.

9. Remember the weather! Some people have the “gift of gab,” the ability to make strangers feel like they’ve known them forever. They are fearless about talking about the weather, gas prices, whatever. Shy people worry that talking about mundane things will make them appear stupid. But seemingly dull subjects like the weather affect everybody. People relate to them.

10. Hold your head up. It’s the simplest, most effective way to look confident. Good posture, coupled with that fabulous smile of yours, gives you a “winner’s vibe.” You’re guaranteed to be a hit!

Be warned: These tips will not help you if you don’t leave the house. It’s just too easy to watch a Friends rerun for the umpteenth time instead of meeting people, but I promise you that Prince Charming is never going to climb through your bedroom window.

Talking to strangers can be uncomfortable, but with practice it will surely get easier. If you have a bad night, congratulate yourself for making the effort. When you have a good night, understand that you earned it. Know that countless wonderful nights are on their way to you.

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of “How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams (Even if You’re Not Rich, Thin, or Beautiful). Please visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com

My husband and me recently decided to upgrade our sleeping arrangements from the worn old spring mattress we’ve been using for the last 6 years or so. We looked at some fance box spring mattresses as well as waterbeds, and finally decided that a waterbed would best meet our needs.

Positive points of waterbeds

While waterbeds back in the day ended up with a reputation for making you sea sick, the modern beds won’t bounce you around like a ship lost at sea. What used to be a big water-filled bladder has been turned into an advanced set of channels and containers providing your body with the perfect balance of support, damping, and all season comfort.

By picking the right waterbed, we managed to provide both myself at 110 lbs and my husband at significantly more (well, he’s a muscular guy) with the right support. Of course, since the bed used to be too hard for me, I’m the one gaining most from this!

As waterbeds are heated, when we get in the bed, it’s already very comfy regardless of how much of a chill there is in the air. We bought the bed back in November and I’ve waited until now to write about it as I wanted to give it a real test run. Our old house doesn’t have the best heating on a cold winter’s night, but that no longer gets in the way of a beautiful nights sleep.

Waterbed drawbacks

That heating that I mentioned above does however cost a bit more money to keep warm. It’s not a huge number, but it’s something to keep in mind.

Another issue to be really watchful for is the sheer weight of a waterbed. Our bedroom is on the ground floor and on hard standing, so it’s not an issue for us. But if you’re on a second floor or higher, please do make sure the beams will hold your now very heavy bed!

Types of waterbeds

There are two main types of waterbeds, softside waterbeds and hardside waterbeds. The difference is not actually in the mattress, but whether you have a hard-sided mattress frame around the mattress or not. A softside waterbed is comfier for the clumsy among us as you won’t hit your shins in the middle of the night.

Eeyore is a good picture of life is like for those who are impacted by the type of ADHD that includes sadness, or depression. It is estimated that as many as 25% of all those with ADHD have to battle depression as well. This type of ADHD is called “Limbic System ADHD” by Daniel Amen, and for good reason. SPECT scans show that when the brain is at rest, there is increased activity deep in the limbic system, in parts of the brain called the thalamus and hypothalamus. There is also a decreased level of activity in the underside of the pre-frontal cortex.

When the brain is placed under a work load, as during a homework assignment, we would expect the under-active pre-frontal cortex to increase activity and get to work. But instead, nothing changes. The over-active limbic system remains over-active, and the under-active pre-frontal cortex remains under-active.

Those with this type, or style of ADHD are often very inattentive to details, and are easily distracted by unimportant things. They have a chronic sadness or low-grade depression to deal with every day. They seem to be negative, or apathetic, and have low energy levels. They just do not seem to care. They often feel worthless, or helpless, or hopeless. As you can see this type of ADHD looks very much like a combination of ADHD and Depression.

Our specific treatment strategy for Limbic System, or Eeyore style ADHD, begins with our recommended Eating Program. In addition, experts recommend DL-Phenylalyne (up to 600 mg per day for adults), 5-HTP, and B Vitamins and St. John’s Wort (up to 600 mg per day for adults).

We think that best way to approach this problem is by using the nutraceutical medicines Attend, Extress, and Deprex, which are available over the counter. The Attend contains over 70 ingredients, including GABA, DL-Phenylalyne, Ginko, Pycnogenol and Grape Seed Extracts, 5-HTP, pregnenolone, DMAE, and more. The Extress contains GABA, DL-PA, 5-HTP, and St. John’s Wort. Deprex contains more GABA, and just 2 capsules of DEPREX contain 320 mg of St. John’s Wort and 420 mg of DL-Phenylalyne. When combined in a targeted treatment strategy like this, the individual with limbic ADHD can expect to see improved and stabilized moods, improved concentration, and improved memory.

Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library’s family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.

But these two conditions are very different!

And when you label a condition incorrectly it can cause no end of problems when trying to diagnose and treat it. So it’s extremely important to make the distinction between Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and depression - because they are completely different illnesses.

For one, depression can be a symptom of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but there are many Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sufferers out there who do not suffer from depression at all.

Second, research has shown that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sufferers have an abnormality in their ‘deep sleep’ brainwave patterns. In contrast, depression sufferers do not have this abnormality.

In addition, depression sufferers tend to feel tired all the time, whereas Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sufferers’ exhaustion increases notably after mental or physical exertion.

There are also symptoms of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome that are not shared by depression sufferers. Nasty flu-like symptoms, headaches, reversal of sleeping patterns, painful muscles and joints, Restless Legs Syndrome, and an increase in colds and viruses all are just a few symptoms that can play a part in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

These are just a few of the differences between Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and depression!

Another myth about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is that all Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sufferers need to do is to ‘pull themselves together’ - and they’d be cured…

… if only it were that simple!

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is actually a bio-physical condition and was (finally) accepted as such by the UK government in 2001. But no cure has yet been found.

Unfortunately there are still many people out there (including some medical professionals) who still think that the condition is ‘all in the sufferer’s head’.

It is because of this misunderstanding that the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome community has fought so hard against Chronic Fatigue Syndrome being wrongly labelled as a mental illness. And it is perhaps because of this battle that depression amongst Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sufferers has often sadly been overlooked…

Yet for many, depression can be a very real symptom of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. If you suffer from depression as a Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sufferer, then it’s vital that you take it very seriously and that you try to address it as soon as possible.

If you don’t deal with your depression, you are unlikely to be able to recover from any chronic illness…

…and recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is no exception.

It is possible to recover from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. So if you do experience depression as a symptom of your Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, make it a priority to deal with it. Only that way can you get yourself on the road to recovery.

1. Do not read newspapers

Newspapers publish negative stories most of the time. Even in peaceful periods, newspapers will find the worst in humanity and place negative stories on display in order to promote sales and subscribers. Stories focused on War, rebellion, death, destruction, doom and despair abound in the newspapers.

You will not miss any news. Friends, family, and your local air raid siren will keep you informed if your attention is needed. Only pay attention to the things you can control in your life.

Stop reading the newspaper and reduce the negative input to your brain.

2. Turn off your television

Watching and listening about the horrible economy and the losses associated with War will add to depression. In fact, you guarantee the feeling of helplessness. Helplessness allows depression to nurture. If you really need to watch or listen to these kinds of news stories, promise yourself you will bury yourself in the documentaries that are sure to follow in the next 5 or 10 years. A way you can eliminate most of the negative input to your brain is by setting it aside for a date somewhere in the future. I guarantee in the future, you will not find it very interesting.

When visitors come to your home, make sure you turn off your television and keep it off. News television broadcasters are fighting for your guests’ attention as they promote despair, war, death, and destruction with many headline news interruptions. Those little banners that run across the bottom of the screen achieve your attention and they take hold of your consciousness. Television will diminish your positive spirit.

3. Say good things about others

My Mother always says, “if you can’t say anything nice about others, don’t say anything at all.” However, when you find yourself in a conversation and a relative says, “Remember Uncle Phil?” ” He was an alcoholic” Respond with ” yes, Uncle Phil was an alcoholic and he was the most charitable person, I have ever met.”

Connect your friend’s negative statement about Phil with a positive one. Set yourself up to find the positive in anyone’s statement and you will keep negative thoughts and depression from overtaking your life.

Og Mandino, a great motivator once said, “treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight.” “Your life will never be the same again.”

4. Get physical exercise

Adults forget about exercise when suffering from depression. Make sure you are exercising daily and sending more oxygen to your brain cells. The result of exercise will improve your health as well as your attitude.

5. Breathe deep and relax

Practice the following breathing exercise to relax your body and mind.

Breathe deeply and relax. For 2 or 3 minutes each hour, take a short mental vacation.

You can engage in this exercise while you are standing in the checkout line at the supermarket or when listening to others while talking on a telephone. You can complete the exercise at home or at work.

Take three deep breathes and relax. As you inhale, concentrate on calm and peaceful thoughts. You may think about relaxing by a mountain, by the ocean or comfortably in your favorite room at home.

As you exhale, concentrate on pushing any tension out of your lungs.

Focus on positive images in your life. Focus on laughter, love, excitement, and hope.

Keep breathing in and out in this pattern until you feel better. If you practice the exercise often, you will notice wonderful changes in your outlook and in other aspects of your life.

Reduce your depression now! Enjoy your family, your friends, and your life.

Whether it’s time to negotiate for a mortgage, a car or even insurance, preparation is the key to victory. When you know what you want and how you intend to get it, you’re much more likely to come out of the appointment smiling.

Let’s go through the different phases of a deal and prep for each one. Skipping one of these will most likely hurt your chances so don’t slack off on any of them.

Before the appointment…

• Know what you want. Sit down and work out exactly:
  • What you need and what want. Secure the needs first and negotiate with the wants (aka the extra stuff you can do without)
  • How much you can afford
  • How far you’re prepared to compromise on both (afford vs. spend)

If you’re looking at a long-term deal, look beyond the immediate price and make sure you can afford the payments without stretching your budget to its breaking-point.

• Find out what’s available. Do some research to find out how realistic your goals are versus what the market is offering. You probably weren’t expecting to find a mortgage rate at 1% or a luxury car for 50 pounds / dollars a month, but you should never assume that the price you are willing to pay is the floor for the market. You could still be surprised by the deals offered if you look hard enough.
• Re-evaluate your goals: If you had seriously underestimated the price, you may need to re-think. Ask yourself:
  • Do you want a cheaper car (house, TV, holiday, etc.)?
  • Can you afford to pay more? Where does this item fall on the need/want spectrum?
  • Should you wait until prices come down / you’ve saved up?

If you’d overestimated the price, you’re free to raise your expectations, lower your budget or (ideally) both.

• ‘Arm’ yourself. Knowledge is power, so make sure you understand:
  • Which professional bodies oversee the industry
  • The technical / legal terms involved
  • What costs the seller really amassed in order to offer you this product

  Find out if the product / industry has been in the news recently. This might tell you who to avoid, or if the industry’s about to go through some changes which could cost you time, money, emotional stress down the road.

• Ask around to see if anyone you know has done something similar recently. If not, see what case studies / testimonials you can find. Mouse Print, Consumerist, and other sites report on shady dealings out there so once again, do your homework!
• Select your supplier. Shop around. The bigger the deal you’re looking at, the more time you should invest: with a mortgage, for example, a tiny difference in the interest rate can save you thousands.It’s often a good idea to start with a company you’re currently doing business with. If you’re looking to refinance your mortgage, for example, talk to your current mortgage provider – if they don’t want to lose your business, they may offer you a good deal.
• Understand how the company works. Do they offer their own product(s) or are they simply reselling something? Do they work with a range of partners, or will they check the entire market for you? How do they decide which partner gets YOUR business? That is an absolute key question. If your business goes to the highest bidder, I’d steer clear.
• Arrange your appointment. This should give you some insight into how they do business. If they’re unprofessional, unhelpful, or hard to get hold of, maybe you should choose a different company. Remember, a company works it’s hardest when they’re trying to win you as a customer. If they are terrible at that, imagine how terrible the service will be once they get your money.

In the appointment…

• Remember who’s the customer. As a (potential) paying customer, you are entitled to the person’s time and expertise. Tell them what you want and let them explain your options. Have a calculator and notepad ready, and take the time to do whatever calculations you find necessary.
• Show what you know. Depending on the type of company you’re dealing with (and the amount of leeway the person has), showing that you ‘know your stuff’ could put you at a psychological advantage. So tell them what other deals you have been offered / seen advertised. Show them you understand the technical terms, and the pros and cons of the most common options.
• Admit what you don’t know. If you need something explained, ask.
• Don’t let them ‘blind you with science’. Any specialist can use technical terms to gloss over drawbacks – or to sell ‘benefits’ you don’t really want or need. Make them repeat themselves in layman’s terms, then take a good look at what they’ve just said.
• Give and take. Don’t be too inflexible.
  • Compromise – if you’re being offered a good deal, don’t turn it down because there’s one tiny thing missing.
  • Consider new ideas – just make sure you understand the pros and cons, and find out if you can ‘mix and match’ elements of various options.
• Don’t be rushed into anything. If you’re happy with the deal, get them to draw up the paperwork and tell them you’ll be back in a day or two.
  • At the very least, you should read the small print – and ‘sleep on it’.
  • If it’s complex / full of legal terms, you might consider taking it to an independent specialist.
  • Don’t feel pressured. You can always walk away from the deal. If you’re not impressed with their ‘final offer’, thank them for their time and say you need to look elsewhere. (If they offer you a better deal at this point, so much the better

After the appointment…

• The end? If you’ve found a product you’re happy with, great. If not, think about the appointment you’ve just had, make some notes and use the experience to prepare for an appointment with another company. If you have enough of these haggling sessions, you just may elicit a bidding war for your business.

So what do you think? Is this something you can do when it comes time to negotiate or are you going to take the first offer thrown your way?

Written by M. Taylor of Gregory Pennington, a UK based Debt Management Specialist.