The Other Side of the Story

Real Life Diagnostics: Are We Grounded? Setting the Scene and Engaging the Reader

2012-02-11T07:44:00.000-05:00

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight

This week’s questions:

This is the opening of a YA mystery novel I'm working on. I'm wondering if this opening is strong enough and engaging enough. Does it give adequate sense of voice and place and include enough tension? Should I cut or postpone the inclusion of anything?

On to the diagnosis…

Original text:
The bright blue dress my mother insisted I wear looked stupid. The neck was frilly, and it bagged across my hips. I hoovered a breath through my nose and tugged at the fabric for the millionth time. The shoes were just as bad – they pinched my toes together even while standing still. It sucked.

Clomping around the art studio to meet rich people while attempting to sell myself as a serious artist and forcing a smile filled me with the kind of dread I usually reserved for cheerleaders. And aside from my choppy black hair, dark-ringed eyes, pale skin, and brick red lipstick, I kind of looked like one at that moment.

Seriously. What had possessed me to allow my mom to pack my suitcase?

“Get it together,” I said to myself. I whipped out the smart phone my mom insisted I get for the trip and punched in a message to Katie and Miller, my two best friends: Kill me now.

Three knocks on the door whipped my head around so fast I thought I broke my neck.

“Stella, come on. Guests are starting to arrive. We need you out here.”

Ariel Greenbaum, the owner of the gallery, probably tapped the point of one perfect stiletto heel on the wooden floor outside the door as she spoke the words. The woman never had a hair out of place, never said the wrong thing.

She confused me: I hated her and wanted to be her.

I heaved out a gust of air, stowed my phone, and flung open the door. The gallery lighting was bright, which threw Ariel into stark relief, a glow haloing the severe brown bob.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, letting her manhandle me out of the bathroom and into the gallery.

My Thoughts in Purple:
The bright blue dress my mother insisted I wear looked stupid. The neck was frilly, and it bagged across my hips. I hoovered a breath through my nose and tugged at the fabric for the millionth time. The shoes were just as bad – they pinched my toes together even while standing still. It sucked. To give a better sense of place, you might consider a few more details in this paragraph to set the scene. Such as "I wear to the gallery opening" would show readers right away what she's getting dressed for. The word bathroom would also help, as it isn't until later you see where she is. Since she's not where readers would naturally assume (she's in her room at home) getting that information in right away grounds them.

[Clomping around the art studio to meet rich people while attempting to sell myself as a serious artist and forcing a smile filled me with the kind of dread I usually reserved for cheerleaders.] Love the cheerleader part, but this sentence feels a little long and awkward. The great line gets lost there at the end. [And aside from my choppy black hair, dark-ringed eyes, pale skin, and brick red lipstick, I kind of looked like one at that moment.] Self-description in first person is rough, but this feels stuck in here. You might look for a more natural way to say what she looks like. Perhaps when she meets the rich folks at the gallery? Their reaction to her looks could show it nicely and give her a reason to think about it.

Seriously. [What had possessed me to allow my mom to pack my suitcase?] This would make an awesome first line. It also transitions nicely to the paragraph about the dress.

[“Get it together,” I said to myself.] Does she actually say this out loud or just think it? The quotes suggest she says this. Since it's just her, you probably don't need the tag. I whipped out the smart phone my mom insisted I get for the trip and punched in a message to Katie and Miller, my two best friends: Kill me now.

[Three knocks on the door whipped my head around so fast I thought I broke my neck.] This feels overwritten and a bit awkward to me. I think it means that she was startled by the knocking, but it reads as if the knocks grabbed her head and whipped it around.

“Stella, come on. Guests are starting to arrive. We need you out here.”

Ariel Greenbaum, the owner of the gallery, [probably tapped the point of one perfect stiletto heel on the wooden floor outside the door as she spoke the words.] Not sure what this means. [The woman never had a hair out of place, never said the wrong thing. ] I like this, but it doesn't fit with her tapping her heels on the floor. How does that show she's never wrong and never has anything out of place?

[She confused me: I hated her and wanted to be her.] Very nice

[I heaved out a gust of air,] Be wary of trying too hard to over describe. stowed my phone, and flung open the door. The gallery lighting was bright, which threw Ariel into stark relief, a glow haloing the severe brown bob.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, letting her manhandle me out of the bathroom and into the gallery.

The questions:
Is this opening is strong enough and engaging enough?
It feels like the right place to start, but it's not quite grabbing me yet. I love that Stella is uncomfortable and dreading something that will ultimately get her what she wants (I'm assuming she wants to be an artist, so a gallery show is a big deal). That's a situation with a lot of potential conflict. But I'm not getting a sense of what she hopes to get out of this yet. She seems to dread it more than want it.

I'd suggest a little more internalization about what she hopes to achieve here, and a bit more about her situation. Is this her first show? Is there a lot riding on it? What does she have to do? You don't have to go into a lot of detail or explanation, but a few more lines would help show what she wants and how this is going to be a difficult day for her. And show what could go wrong, which will help raise the tension and narrative drive.

Does it give adequate sense of voice and place and include enough tension?
I like the voice in this, but some lines feel overwritten. Try letting Stella's voice come through more naturally and not try so hard to make her sound snarky. She's good when she's just her, awkward when she's trying to be overly descriptive. Trust your voice.

The sense of place is still a little murky. It isn't until the very end you find out she's in a bathroom, and almost the end before you find out she's on a trip and away from home. I'd suggest a few more details in the opening paragraph to let the reader know where she is.

As for tension, I think clarifying her goal and what can go wrong will help with that. Right now it's a girl who doesn't like her dress and doesn't want to go mingle with rich people. There's nothing to make you wonder what will happen, or care about Stella succeeding or failing at anything. But if we knew what she has to lose, and what she needed to do (especially if it goes against her nature or puts her out of her comfort zone) then we'd want to see how it turns out.

Should I cut or postpone the inclusion of anything?
I'd suggest waiting until a little later to get in what she looks like. (Unless you worked it into her fears or something goal related somehow). I'd also suggest moving the "don't let mom pack" line to the opening. That's great and accomplishes a lot of scene-setting. You might also wait a bit to describe Ariel and her quirks, and let readers see them when she actually does them. That would give you room to expand more on Stella's goals and fears.

Overall, I think you have the right pieces here for a great opening. I'm liking Stella, but I want to know more about her and less about the things I'll be seeing once she leaves the bathroom. Try tapping into her emotions more. You have a wonderful situation that teens can relate to -- being put on display and not feeling comfortable about it at all. Make us root for her, because Stella seems like someone worth cheering on.

Thanks to our brave volunteer for submitting this for me to play with. I hope they – and others – find it helpful. I don’t do a full critique on these, (just as it pertains to the questions) and I encourage you to comment and make suggestions of your own. Just remember that these pieces are works in progress, not polished drafts, so be nice and offer constructive feedback.

The Faceless Villain: What to do When Your Bad Guy Isn't a Person

2012-02-10T07:36:00.000-05:00

In a lot of stories (especially genre novels) the antagonist is a physical being that can be fought against. But what do you do when your antag is something to overcome, like depression, or a self-destructive streak? Technically, there's nothing plotting against your protagonist for them to fight. It's a personal situation or flaw holding them back.

These stories are a little tougher to write.

But like any good plot, even if your protag is dealing with something difficult, they'll still have an external force to reckon with. They'll still have a goal to work toward. They aren't sitting in a room trying to will themselves not to be depressed/grief-stricken/addicted.

In these cases, look for representatives of the problem the protag is dealing with. The problem might be the depression, but people are likely involved somehow in dealing with that depression.

For example, let's say your protag isn't trying to seek help. She doesn't know she's depressed (or whatever the situation is), she just feels a certain way. She's still going to have a goal of some type driving the story, even if that's to get everyone off her back and leave her alone. She will act in ways to achieve that goal. Something external.

The book isn't about "a girl who gets over her depression." That's her character arc or the theme. The inner journey. What she does to get over that depression is the plot. If she's not doing anything but being depressed and people try to help until she gets better, odds are you have a premise but no plot yet.

All plots need goals, so the protag needs something to work toward. And someone or something is going to be in the way or trying to keep her from that goal. Maybe it's Mom who doesn't notice she's hurting and makes the situation worse. Maybe it's friends who keep calling and she ignores them. Maybe it's the boy who knows what she's going through and recognizes her smile is all an act. Maybe it's her own behavior. Something.

A problem isn't necessarily an antagonist, it's just a problem. It might be a huge problem, and affect all aspects of the protag's life, but it's the external forces that are a result of or interfering with that problem that become antagonists. What events are a result of her depression that are preventing her from acting in some way?

If your protag knows she's depressed and wants to overcome her depression, then healing becomes the goal. But it still might not be enough, because with plots, you want a goal you can work toward that also includes stakes and rising tension. Perhaps she wants to heal so she can go to her daughter's wedding, or see the Eiffel Tower. She wants to get better because...? Even if it's "to get her life back" (a pretty common goal in a story like this), then what does that entail? What specifically needs to happen for that?

In this case, the depression itself is more of an antag here, but it's still not doing anything to directly oppose the protag. It's a cause for sure, but there will be obstacles to overcome that aren't just her illness. Something is in the way of her getting better. Getting her life back means getting treatment, reconciling with estranged loved ones, proving she can hold down a job. Whatever steps and events symbolize what "healing" means.

To heal, the protag will have things to do. Therapy. Medication. Lifestyle change. But the protag will also have issues the depression is causing. Her behavior due to this illness will likely make her act in ways that lead her away from healing and her story goal. Perhaps there are people aiding her in this who can become representative of her depression and work as antags as well.

It's Kind of A Funny Story is a great example of this kind of antagonist problem. The protag is depressed, is seriously thinking about suicide, and calls the suicide hotline. This leads to him checking himself into a psychiatric hospital to get well. His experiences in the hospital lead to his recovery, and he can get on with his life.

But that's not all the book is about. That would be boring from a fiction standpoint. There's a choice he has to make, a realization he has to have, sacrifices he has to accept. (goals and stakes are all about choices and sacrifices, right? Hence you have plot). The story question driving the book isn't "will he get well?" but "Will he figure out the problem so he can get well?" It's a subtle difference, but it's the difference between watching a guy go through a rough patch and rooting for a guy struggling with a problem and wanting him to win. That goal matters.

If your protag is facing a problem and not a flesh and blood antagonist, look for the things affected by that problem and find the goals and obstacles connected to it. Odds are the book isn't just a study of someone with a problem, but the things that problem affects and the choices that person makes to overcome, or survive, that problem.

Is your antagonist a problem and not a person? Do you have goals and obstacles for your protagonist?

We're All Heroes. A Thanks From Me, and a Treat for You (Pst...it involves a crit)

2012-02-09T07:31:00.000-05:00

On Monday, I was deeply honored (and touched, and moved) by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi over at The Bookshelf Muse. They have a wonderful series called "Writing Heroes," and I made the list.

It was totally unexpected and very appreciated. The congratulatory comments have made me a little misty-eyed more than once this week. There's a reason the writing community rocks, and this is a great example of how everyone is so supportive of each other. This means more to me than I can say, and I thank Angela and Becca with all my heart, and thank all my readers. I started this blog to help my fellow writers, and to hear it has is beyond rewarding. It makes writing the blog easy, even when it's hard.

One thing the Muses include with this honor is a free 1000-word critique for the hero by Angela and Becca. The hero can either use it or give it away.

To continue paying it forward, I'm giving away my critique to one lucky blog reader. I'm also adding a 1000-word critique from me to a second winner. Just leave a comment to be eligible for the random drawings and I'll pick two winners next Thursday morning (so let's say comments must be in by 6am EST).

Thank you all so much for this.

You Must Be This Long to Ride This Genre: What to Do When Your Novel's Too Short

2012-02-08T06:00:00.010-05:00

Although most word count problems are too many words, the too-short novel does happen. I've talked before about things to do to bulk up a short novel, but today, let's look at a novel that's not just light on something, but is actually, truly too short.

This novel has all the right pieces, a solid plot, good writing, good subplots, a complete and solid story, but it's not where it needs to be word count-wise. Just adding more stuff to it isn't going to solve the problem, because the book is working great right where it's at.

First, try doing a little research.

If the novel really is a solid novel at a lower word count, look to see what the word count range of your target market is. While most fantasies are typically long, you do see smaller novels in that genre. A 65K novel might fit in just fine, and doesn't need to be expanded to 100K. Mainstream novels run a wide range of counts. Same with the MG/YA markets. You might discover that your novel is unusual, but still within the traditional word count range for that genre or market.

If not...

If the novel is under 40K, (and not in the middle grade or young adult market) then you likely have a novella. Novellas have always been harder to sell, as there are fewer markets for them. But in today's world of e-books, the novella is starting to make a comeback. It might be worth looking at e-publishers and smaller boutique publishers who aren't as market-constrained as bigger publishers.

If the novel is more in the 50-60K range, (short for most markets outside teens) then you can submit as is, and keep your fingers crossed that this is a book that might be a rare exception. Or you can figure out a way to add enough words to it to squeak into your target market's low-end word count.

A 50K novel is roughly 200 pages (using the standard 250 words per page estimate). 60K is 240. Depending on your genre, you'd probably want to get those numbers up into the 60-70K range. Adding 10K translates to roughly 40-50 words per page, several paragraphs at least.

That's a lot of extra words for a novel that's already working.

While you might be able to add a few thousand to the count by tweaking here and there, adding a line of description or fleshing out bits, you're probably going to have to do a macro addition to reach your target count. A word of caution here. Shoehorning in scenes can feel like scenes shoved in, so be very careful about where and how you add something. It needs to serve the story and not just be extra words.

Easiest places to look for potential additions:

Act Goals/Climaxes
These major plot moments require steps to reach them. Perhaps one more step can be added without hurting the pacing. Chances are you won't find it in act one (there's typically only one thing that triggers your novel's core conflict), but act two is filled with things happening. One or two more scenes or even chapters might be workable.

Since you don't want to put a "just to delay the plot" step in the way, you might try looking at your theme or character arcs here. Perhaps there's a situation that will present a plot obstacle as well as a character issue or thematic illustration. Look forward to your ending, because you might be able to make a later moment more poignant by an earlier failure.

The Beginning
If the opening is working, you might not want to mess with it, but you also might be able to add another chapter to further flesh out the set up or mirror something about the ending.

The Ending
Perhaps there's more to wrapping up the story than you first thought. You might look for any loose ends or situations you might have alluded to but never followed up on.

A Victory That Could be a Defeat
Again, you don't want to craft a delaying tactic, but look at any situation where the protagonist won without too much of a fight. Are there ways to have them fail or struggle more to get that victory?

Delaying Tactics
If an obstacle comes up and the only reason it's there is to slow the protag down, it's likely a delaying tactic. It might not have any stakes at all, or they might be the same as the last obstacle. Either way, the obstacle doesn't actually do anything to serve the story. If it were gone, no one would notice and the protag wouldn't be affected.

To add a scene with meaning, let that obstacle or situation have an effect. The stakes are different, the outcome matters, it triggers something for the protag. Whatever it is, the protag is changed (no matter how small) because they went through this situation.

Themes and character arcs are great places to look for meaning here. Secondary characters can also help, as you can shift the focus to what they need and what they fear.

A too-short novel can be a troublesome beast, but you can get that word count where you want it to be with a little creative thinking.

Have you ever had a well-plotted too-short novel?

Guest Author James R. Tuck: "Speechtags are of the Devil," He Said

2012-02-07T06:00:00.005-05:00

Today, I'd like to welcome a great guy to chat with us about, well, chatting. Or more specifically, tagging our chatting. James R. Tuck will share his tips on writing dialog tags.

James was born and raised in Georgia and grew up enjoying all the South had to offer. Good food, adventure in mild winters and hot, muggy summers, excellent music, and good church folk. His debut novel Blood and Bullets releases today, and you can find more of his hero, Deacon Chalk, in his e-book novella That Thing at the Zoo. You can also find his short story, He Stopped Loving Her Today, at One Buck Horror.

Take it away JT...

Gather around kids, today we are going to talk about the evils of speechtags. You know what speechtags are. They are the he said, she saids of the literary world. Those little tagalongs that hitch rides on lines of dialog like hobos on freight trains. Some people like them because they are unobtrusive and easy on the eyes. They think you should use them exclusively, never deviating from the simple four letter word with a pronoun prefix. They feel the he/she said speechtag is simple, elegant, and unobtrusive.

They are wrong.

Speechtags are downright diabolical in their blandness.

Worse, they are a virus in your manuscript. They breed like little parasites of laziness. They are the tribbles of your writing and you should cut them out like the infestation they are.

I hear you saying: “But James, if I don't use them how will my reader know who is talking?”

Easy. You will show them who is talking. This is one of the subtle forms of show don't tell that takes a lot of work, but remember that every word you put on the page has to carry its own weight. Every word must pay for its time in your manuscript by doing as much work as you can squeeze out of it. Speechtags are the lazy way out. They are the corner cut.

Whenever you are writing two people talking in your story, very rarely are they standing in one spot in an empty room speaking in monotone. Characters should be dynamic. Doing things. Feeling stuff. Being real. So take your cues from how things happen in real life. Someone who is bragging will stick out their chest and start speaking in a slightly deeper baritone. Someone who is lying may look away, glancing around furtively. They may drag their feet in circles of distraction. Someone who is trying to seduce another person will lean in, lowering their voice to create a sense of intimacy.

Your characters need to follow suit. Have them do things to make it clear who is speaking and while they are at it, the things you have them doing should play into the conversation giving it subtext and weight that the words of dialog don't create on their own.

Let me show you what I mean. Here is what you should NOT do.

“Speechtags are of the Devil.” he said.

“I doubt speechtags have a religious affiliation.” she said.

“They do. They are evil little gremlins who haunt stories.” he said.

“I think you may be overstating things. They seem completely neutral to me.” she stated.

“No they are not. They slip in like sins of omission seducing writers to the dark side of lazy writing. They demand nothing and steal moments of creativity. They are the step-stones to bland writing!” he cried.

“You feel very strongly about this.” she said.

See, that was bland, bland, bland! Now, this is how it should be done.

The door slammed open. The heels on his shoes banged across the floor, overpowering the ruffle made by the sheaf of paper in his hands. “Speechtags are of the Devil.”

She looked up, the book she had been reading dropping down to rest on the Snuggie that wrapped her. “I doubt speechtags have a religious affiliation.”

The sheath of papers stabbed towards her like an accusing finger. “They do. They are evil little gremlins who haunt stories.”

Her lips quirked up at the corners. “I think you may be overstating things. They seem completely neutral to me.”

“No they are not. They slip in like sins of omission seducing writers to the dark side of lazy writing. They demand nothing and steal moments of creativity. They are the step-stones to bland writing!” The vein on his forehead stood out in relief, running crookedly up from his left eyebrow to disappear into a shaggy hedge of hair.

“You feel very strongly about this.”

Seconds ticked by as he looked at her from under shadowed brows, his lips drawn tight into a line that made the dimple on his chin crooked. Without another word he spun and walked away, his exit punctuated by the bang of his heels on the floor. She let out a small chuckle and picked up her book.

In example one you have no idea what is going on. You know that he said one thing and then she said something else. The words made sense, but you didn't know what was going on.

In example two the cues as to who is speaking tell you volumes about the two people. One is obviously a writer, frustrated with his manuscript, the other is a spouse who loves him for all his mercurial writer wackiness. She finds him amusing and is unruffled by his outburst. She is also a reader. There is more in there that I am not outlining, but you can draw your own backstory out of that second example.

Those are quick and dirty examples, but hopefully they show what I am talking about. Use the movement and the motion of your characters to impart the emotion of your characters. Using speechtags are like throwing loose bricks in the path for your dialog to stumble over and twist its ankle. Instead replace them with physical cues that will give your reader insight into the characters who are talking. Doing this will punch up your writing and keep it interesting.

About Blood and Bullets

He lives to kill monsters. He keeps his city safe. And his silver hollow-points and back-from-the-dead abilities help him take out any kind of supernatural threat. But now an immortal evil has this bad-ass bounty hunter dead in its sights. . .

Ever since a monster murdered his family, Deacon Chalk hunts any creature that preys on the innocent. So when a pretty vampire girl "hires" him to eliminate a fellow slayer, Deacon goes to warn him—and barely escapes a vampire ambush. Now he's got a way-inexperienced newbie hunter to protect and everything from bloodsuckers to cursed immortals on his trail. There's also a malevolent force controlling the living and the undead, hellbent on turning Deacon's greatest loss into the one weapon that could destroy him. . .

Do You Like Blood, Bullets, and Sexy Bounty Hunters? Me Too!

2012-02-06T11:25:00.001-05:00

I just found out author James R. Tuck is going to be at FoxTale Book Shoppe tomorrow night celebrating the release of his debut novel, Blood and Bullets. (I will totally be there)

I was on two panels with JT a few months ago at the Dahlonega Literary Festival, so I'm looking forward to reading his book after hearing about it. You'll get to hear more tomorrow, as JT is this week's guest author. I just wanted to pop in early and give everyone in the Atlanta area a heads up in case they wanted to come down and join in the fun.(And book launches are always fun at FoxTale)

Here's the info:
FoxTale Book Shoppe
770/516-9989
105 E. Main St., #138
Woodstock, GA 30188
Starts at 7:00

A Capital Idea! Knowing What to Capitalize

2012-02-06T06:00:00.002-05:00

Capitalization might seem like a no-brainer, but if you happen to write science fiction or fantasy (and possibly historical), odds are you've found yourself wondering if something should be capitalized or not. All those made up names feel like they ought to be capitalized, but then you end up with a bit of a mess.

Grundark made his way through the Emporium, carrying his Pouchblade and three bags of Elbonquin wine for the Regent's Flowering Ceremony. Crowds of Hillmen bumped into him, but the shy Filmori stayed at the edges of the street.

While this paragraph is also a good example why you shouldn't name everything (do you have any idea what most of those things even are?), all those capital letters feel off, calling too much attention to things that shouldn't be focused on so much. It's just awkward.

One trick I use is to replace the made up words with their real counterparts. It makes it a lot easier to see what's actually a proper noun (a specific thing vs a type of thing) and what's just a noun.

George made his way through the Mall, carrying his Pocketknife and three bags of Chardonnay wine for the King's Birthday Celebration. Crowds of Humans bumped into him, but the shy Dutch stayed at the edges of the street.

Some of those capitals look pretty silly now, don't they? Let's look at the pieces individually.

Grundark: Given names of specific people, of course, should be capitalized. Easy peasy here.

Emporium: This one could technically go either way. If the particular shopping area is called "Emporium" then you'd be okay with capitalizing it. If it's just a fancy way of describing where people shop in your world, it's lowercase. People go the mall, but the also go to Rodeo Drive.

Pouchblade: It is possible for the knife to be a particular kind of knife, like Bowie knife (named after a specific person, so Bowie is capitalized). But keep in mind that that's different from a butcher's knife (a general type of knife, so it's lowercase). If someone named the knife (like Excalibur) then you'd capitalize it.

Elbonquin: Similar to the type of knife, a description of something generally isn't capitalized. Wines come in many flavors and grow in many regions, so unless it's a specific place (like a Burgundy, from Burgundy, France) it's lowercase. If they can make it anywhere, it doesn't need that capital letter

The Regent: Titles are capitalization nightmares. If it's associated with a name, it's capitalized, if not, it's lowercase. My personal test here is to replace it with "president" to see which it would be.

President Whitmire (title + name = capitalization).
The president was in a meeting. (reference to general role, so lowercase)
"Can I get you anything, Mr. President?" (used as a proper name, so uppercase).

This also holds true for military ranks. Captain Bob. The caption was late. "Are you sure about that, Captain?" Another test if you're still unsure about "the X" -- if there were three of the word in question in a room, would it be clear who you meant? If Presidents Carter, Ford, and Clinton were all at the table, who is "the president?" They all are, so use the lowercase.

Flowering Ceremony: Another very tricky area. It's a ceremony, and it's a specific ceremony, but so is a birthday party and you don't capitalize that. Context will matter here, so look at how it's used in the story. Is this something that happens on a regular basis? Like an inauguration or a coronation? If so, it's lowercase. But the specific day might be capitalized, like:

Plans for the flowering ceremony were going well. They expected it to be a beautiful Flowering Day.

If you're unsure, look for the closest real world event and see how that's handled.

Hillmen: This one is probably the worst of the capitalization offenders. Species are not capitalized. Humans are lowercase, so if this is a race of "person" in your world, odds are its lowercase as well. You'd have elves, dwarves, orcs, fairies, vampires, etc. Of course, if it's a specific group within that species, you'd capitalize that: It's a dog, but that dog might be a German Shepherd. So you'd have elves, which might contain High Elves and Wood Elves.

Filmori: If you're referring to a particular resident of a region, then it's capitalized. Americans. Germans. New Yorkers. This also applies to organizations of particular people. The Fae, the Mob, the Sith. So you might have orcs after you, but they could be the Bloodthorn Orcs.

Let's go back and see how we'd write that opening paragraph now.

Grundark made his way through the emporium, carrying his pouchblade and three bags of elbonquin wine for the regent's flowering ceremony. Crowds of hillmen bumped into him, but the shy Filmori stayed at the edges of the street.

Quite the difference. It also helps put these terms in context so the reader has a better sense of what they are. Filmori likely come from Filmor, while hillmen are a race of people. A pouchblade is probably a small knife, and likely bought at the emporium. I bet you can also get elbonquin wine there, too.

There might be times when you choose to break a rule for the sake of emphasis, and that's okay. I'm pretty sure "the Duke" was capitalized all through my trilogy, when technically, in many cases "the duke" was grammatically correct. Sometimes you want to make sure readers are clear on who someone is and that they're important. The Duke was a specific person of great importance, so I wanted him to stand out. If you have a similar situation, feel free to capitalize away.

The goal of a capital letter is to make sure readers know the word refers to something specific, not just a general group or type. They're a bit like exclamation points that way. Use too many of them and the emphasis vanishes.

Do you struggle with what to capitalize in your story? What words do you commonly see capitalized that probably shouldn't be?

Real Life Diagnostics: Planting the Hook: Getting Readers Past the Opening Page

2012-02-04T06:00:00.012-05:00

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Seven

This week’s questions:

Am I showing, not telling? Also, does it make you want to keep reading? And does it sound like the voice of a 16-year-old?

On to the diagnosis…

Original text:
Looking over the professionally landscaped garden I try to guess which plant will win. They jockey for space, the invasive pachysandra trying to choke out the weaker bleeding heart. The flashy irises pulling attention away from the subtle sea holly. In this contest only the toughest survive. It reminds me of high school—and this party.

I’m standing on the edge of the Phinns’s yard, while around me throngs of people sing, eat and laugh. The Phinn’s annual Fourth of July cookout features live music, a catered B-B-Q dinner, and the opportunity to mingle with the Who’s Who in Sugarland. But I’m not exactly a mingler, so I squat down to deadhead some flowers, checking my watch to see how much longer I’ll have to endure the crowd.

That’s when he surprises me.

“Hello. Happy fourth.”

I fall, catching myself on my hands and knees, then stand up quickly, brushing the dirt off my knees. “Oh, hi.” I push a lock of hair out of my face, most likely smudging my forehead with dirt.

“I’m Gregor Sveitch. I’ve just been talking with your mother.”

“Oh, okay.” I glance toward my mom, who’s now talking to another woman. My mom doesn’t often talk about me, so who knows what she’s told this man. “I’m Becca Ford.” I don’t recognize him. And what’s up with the gloomy dark clothes? Isn’t this a party? Although maybe they’re navy blue, not all black.

“She says you’re quite good with plants and work at a local nursery.”

“Oh.” This I can talk about. Plants are much easier than people. “Yeah, I love plants. They’re fascinating.”

“Really? I have some skill with plants myself. What do you find so fascinating?”

“Well, you know, lots of medicines were originally derived from plants. They can cure, but also make you really sick. Even sometimes cause death.”

The man nods, his black eyes laughing. “But you’re not interested in hurting anyone, I presume.”

“Oh, no. No, of course not. I just think they’re interesting. And pretty too.”

“That they are. Pretty and useful.”

My Thoughts in Purple:
Looking over the professionally landscaped garden I try to guess which plant will win. They jockey for space, the invasive pachysandra trying to choke out the weaker bleeding heart. The flashy irises pulling attention away from the subtle sea holly. In this contest only the toughest survive. [It reminds me of high school—and this party.] This make me feel like the narrator is older, out of high school and reflecting on it.

[I’m standing on the edge of the Phinns’s yard, while around me throngs of people sing, eat and laugh. ] Same here, though if it wasn't right after that reflective line it might not read that way. The Phinn’s annual Fourth of July cookout features live music, a catered B-B-Q dinner, and the opportunity to mingle with the Who’s Who in Sugarland. But I’m not exactly a mingler, so I squat down to deadhead some flowers, checking my watch to see how much longer I’ll have to endure the crowd. It says in the first paragraph about the party having an "only the toughest survive" feel, but nothing in this says that. Seems like a normal party.

[That’s when he surprises me.] This feels a bit retrospective to me, like this has all happened and the narrator knows who this is and how this happened.

“Hello. Happy fourth.”

I fall, catching myself on my hands and knees, then stand up quickly, brushing the dirt off my knees. “Oh, hi.” I push a lock of hair out of my face, most likely smudging my forehead with dirt.

“I’m Gregor Sveitch. I’ve just been talking with your mother.”

“Oh, okay.” I glance toward my mom, who’s now talking to another woman. [My mom doesn’t often talk about me,] Curious so who knows what she’s told this man. [“I’m Becca Ford.”] I was surprised that this was a girl. Something about the text felt like a guy to me. I don’t recognize him. And what’s up with the gloomy dark clothes? Isn’t this a party? Although maybe they’re navy blue, not all black. The tone of this paragraph feels different from the others. The others were older, more thoughtful, while this sounds younger.

“She says you’re quite good with plants and work at a local nursery.”

“Oh.” This I can talk about. [Plants are much easier than people.] Interesting. “Yeah, I love plants. They’re fascinating.”

“Really? I have some skill with plants myself. What do you find so fascinating?”

“Well, you know, lots of medicines were originally derived from plants. They can cure, but also make you really sick. Even sometimes cause death.”

The man nods, his black eyes laughing. “But you’re not interested in hurting anyone, I presume.”

“Oh, no. No, of course not. I just think they’re interesting. And pretty too.”

“That they are. Pretty and useful.”

The questions:
Am I showing, not telling?
Aside from that one line, it felt shown to me. And even that wasn't told per se, just felt like prior knowledge.

Does it make you want to keep reading?
There's nothing yet that hooks me, but there were a few lines that were intriguing and made me curious about the character. There's nothing to make me stop reading though, so I'd stick with it a little longer to see where the conversation was going.

Does it sound like the voice of a 16-year-old?
It could be a 16 year old, but it doesn't sound YA to me (a genre wasn't mentioned, so this could be an adult novel with a teen protag). There's a reflective tone to it with the high school and the he surprised me lines and that makes me feel like this is a story told from a time in the future. So I feel like this is someone who's been through this looking back on a time in their life. If this is for the YA market, I'd suggest eliminating those reflective sounding areas and make it feel more in the moment, which has a more YA vibe. If this is for adults it's probably fine.

Overall, this is one of those pages that's tough to critique, because it's a good snippet and there's nothing wrong with it. But it isn't grabbing me either (readers chime in with more opinions here). Something is likely about to happen with the strange man, but it's not there yet, and there no sense of something about to happen (no tension or narrative drive). However, had I read the query or cover copy and had an inkling of what the story was about, I might feel differently. I'd be able to put this page in context and read more into what's going on.

If the author wants to tweak, I'd suggest adding a little tension, a sense of a goal, or perhaps a better sense of the narrator and her voice. It's really close and I don't think it would take much to add a hook here. There are already a few interesting details, and perhaps knowing more about why Becca is avoiding the party or how she feels about the other people might show her better and let readers connect to her more strongly. If there was something to connect with -- a goal, a story question, a character -- then this could be a good opening.

Thanks to our brave volunteer for submitting this for me to play with. I hope they – and others – find it helpful. I don’t do a full critique on these, (just as it pertains to the questions) and I encourage you to comment and make suggestions of your own. Just remember that these pieces are works in progress, not polished drafts, so be nice and offer constructive feedback.

What Do They Know? Keeping Track of Character Knowledge

2012-02-03T07:30:00.000-05:00

Last week I talked about inserting small mysteries all throughout the story, so today, let's talk about keeping track of those mysteries and how they affect your plot. More specifically, what your characters know about those mysteries, what they think they know, and what they're just plain wrong about.

Have you ever had to flip back to double check what a character knows (or doesn't know)? Happens to me all the time, especially in revisions. I've found keeping a record of character knowledge really helps and cuts down on the amount of frustrating searches.

I use a spreadsheet, but any kind of list would work. The goal is to keep critical knowledge handy when you need it. I break it down to character and chapter. For example, if Bob hears a rumor in chapter six about a secret lab working on a cure for zombies, I go to Bob's row and chapter six's column and put down "rumor of secret lab." If he finds clues that suggest this lab is being run by the very people who set lose the zombie plague in chapter nine, I add in "thinks Gen-Core runs lab." As the clues (and assumptions) mount, I add them in. By the time I get to Bob discovering the real truth in chapter seventeen, all I need to do is check my spreadsheet to see what he knows so I know how he'd react to or deal with that truth. (And anything that might still need to be revealed)

Why Does This Matter?
I don't know about you, but if there's a lot going on in a story I sometimes forget who said what where. (Especially if I'm revising or have done several drafts) I might have someone shocked to discover something I actually had them learn five chapters earlier. Or I'm not sure if my protag knows a key piece of info they really needed to know by the time they got to this part of the book. Tracking it saves me the hassle of having to look for it, prevents me from repeating myself, and helps me with continuity and pacing. I can easily see when information is revealed -- a big part of keeping readers hooked.

What Do They Know?
Throughout the story your characters are going to be gathering information and learning things, even if it's not a mystery plot. They might be learning about loved ones, themselves, figuring out how to build a weather balloon, whatever is needed for the story. If your plot involves a mystery, the amount of information is bound to increase. You don't need to track everything, but anything plot related or details that matter down the line when someone knew something is helpful to write down. Things like...

When did someone first meet a character?
When did someone learn something critical?
What clues were found that someone might not have realized were clues?
What realizations did someone have?
When did someone start to suspect something?

What Do They Think?
Proving or disproving a belief is a big part of any plot, so I find it helpful to know what a character thinks, even if they haven't confirmed (or denied) it yet. This belief is very likely motivating them, and thus driving the goals and plot. Characters get information and then act on that information. You might want to track...

What someone think a clue means
Suspicions about a person or event
Who isn't trusted and why
Who is trusted and why
What bits of information or prior clues are making someone act

What Are They Wrong About?
On the flip side, characters get things wrong all the time. (So much fun). Since we know the truth, sometimes it's easy to forget the character doesn't know it, or thinks something else. So we might write a scene in a way that doesn't quite add up. Even though they don't know something, they act as if they do, and it changes the scene. I like to keep track of what they got wrong. This helps with red herrings and letting the protag make mistakes. Look for...

False conclusions based on available information or beliefs
Lies told by the antagonist or another character
Any cons being run (I use the word con loosely here. Anyone trying to pull a fast one)
Things the protag totally missed or read wrong

One extra beneficial thing about paying attention to what a character is wrong about, is that it allows you to see where you can surprise the reader. If all the character does is prove their theories correct, then the plot becomes predictable. But if they're wrong, then anything can happen.

Keeping Track of the Truth
It's not a bad idea to keep track of the truth as well. That way you have a record of what's really going on and where those truths or clues might be found in the story. It's heartbreaking to finally get a scene working, and then discover the big discovery your protag made in chapter eleven won't work because the antag didn't actually leave that clue until chapter fourteen.

You might think this is only good for mysteries, but all plots can benefit from a little record keeping. Think about how much time characters spend wondering what that love interest meant by X or the reasons behind Y. Jot down a few notes, and you'll always have control of your story's information superhighway.

Do you ever forget details and have to go searching for them? Do you keep track of who knows what and when? Would tracking info be a help, or feel like a hassle?

Getting Mad: What Mad Men Can Teach Us About POV and World Building

2012-02-02T06:00:00.001-05:00

My husband and I started watching Mad Men on DVD, which we hadn't seen before. All I knew abut the show was that a lot of people praised it highly, but we like to find old shows we've missed (no matter when they aired) and go back and try them.

Turns out Mad Men is about a group of Madison Avenue Advertising guys in the 50s. It's also a fantastic study of world building and point of view.

The world really was different back then, and this show is genius for inserting all the little details of life in the 50s. If you catch them, great, if not, you aren't hindered in the story. But the more you notice, the richer the world is and the more you shake your head at what life used to be like.

Imagine today if you...

Slapped your friend's kid for knocking over a glass, and your friend was okay with this.
Saw your 6 year old with a plastic dry cleaning bag over her head playing spaceman, and gave her a stern warning that she'd better not have messed up the dry cleaning that came in the bag, then sent her on her way.
Were fine when all the men in the office made regular sexual advances on all the women, and that this was expected.
And then treated the new divorcee in the neighborhood like she was there to steal all your husbands.

What makes Mad Men so compelling is that all of these things -- and more -- are just part of the background. No one thinks twice about it because that's just the way the culture worked. There's no judgment on it, except by those who feel one way or the other about their own world. A woman can playfully scold a friend for making a racist comment, but she's the only one who thinks it's inappropriate, and it's not even that big a deal. Her "offense" was less than when someone told an off color joke.

Another woman gets upset about the sexist treatment when it works against her, but she's all for it when it works in her favor. A man who has no trouble cheating on his wife (and girlfriend) is the one who spends the most time trying to figure out what women actually want. And another man says, "who cares?" and "I can't wait til my daughter is another man's problem."

None of these people see the world as we see it. And their acceptance of things we know are wrong makes it all the more interesting. Because this is the way it was, we don't judge them as harshly either. Since it's so obvious, the creator can make points without ever saying a word. You watch and think, "boy, have we come a long way." And in some cases, "yikes, we haven't come that far at all."

When you create your worlds and the people in them, no matter if they're here at home or in a fantasy world, remember that the people who live there take that world for granted and see it as it is, and has always has been. They won't have modern day views on how it works (unless of course it's set in the modern day, then they'll have their views on how it works).

Even if they're trying to change the world, chances are they won't be trying to make it what we think the world should be. They'll try to change the part that they disagree with based on what they've experienced. (This holds true for modern day stories set here as well) If slavery is acceptable, they won't think about the poor slaves. One might treat them like furniture, another may treat them like favored pets and think they're being kind. If backstabbing and ruthless business practices are the norm, no one with think twice about betraying a friend to get ahead. Or if they do, they won't think of themselves as being bad people, just hate the fact that this is what they have to do to do their job. Let your characters see and react to their worlds as someone living in that world would see and react to it. Keep your personal views out of it, and let the personal views of the characters fill it.

That means lots of small details that show the world in action. A variety of views on the social and cultural ideals and rules. Conflicting views, even within the same person. And yes, no matter what the world, this still applies. Someone who lives in LA has different views than someone who lives in Pocahontas, Arkansas. And both have different views than the gal in Finland.

No world is all anything. Take advantage of that, and your story world will be richer.

Are the rules of your world the same or different from ours? Do different characters have different views on things? Are there any "wrong" aspects or views that are seen as normal and right? Any "right" views seen as wrong?

We're Ready for Revision Pre-Flight: Top 10 Self-Editing Tips

2012-02-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

Even if you love revisions (like me), the thought of them can be overwhelming. If you don't enjoy them, it can be downright soul crushing. Where do you start? What do you look for? How do you know when you're done?

So here are my top ten tips to give you a place to start, and a map to follow, and a guide to get you home during your revisions.

1. It’s all about the story. No matter how much you may like a scene or a line, if it doesn’t serve the story it has to go. Check each scene against the core conflict and make sure it advances it in some way, no matter how small.

2. Layer it. Trying to edit the entire manuscript at once can be overwhelming. Edit in layers, focusing on one thing at a time (by chapter or the entire book) so you can focus and not get distracted.

3. Check your goals and motivations. Characters without strong goals and motivations driving the story can lead to weak stories. Make sure every character is acting with purpose, and not just doing what plot tells them to.

4. Check your character and story arcs. Is everything leading toward the exciting climax or do storylines go astray? Do characters grow or are they the same at the end? Arcs that advance and grow give the sense that the story is progressing, which helps keeps readers interested.

5. Make sure it’s dire. Stakes are vital to hold attention and keep readers wanting to know what happens next. Make sure your protag has a lot to lose if they don’t solve their problem.

6. Separate people. It’s easy to switch who says what during revisions, so go back and make sure you have individual voices for all your characters, especially your main ones. If you can’t tell who is speaking by how they say it, you might want to tweak further.

7. Know your weak spots. We all have words we like to use or things we do that we know we need to cut. Hunt down the mistakes you know are there.

8. Getting from here to there. Bad transitions can leave a reader confused, so make sure you switch smoothly and clearly when changing scenes, locations, and POVs.

9. Bury the backstory. Backstory creeps in on a first draft all the time, because we’re often still trying to figure it all out ourselves. Look for those sneaky bits and find a way to include the info in ways that don’t stop the story. If you can’t, cut it.

10. Don’t be afraid to cut. A lot of unnecessary information finds its way into a story because we’re uncertain if what we mean is getting across. Trust your reader to get it, and don’t beat them over the head when it’s clear what’s going on.

How do you feel about revision? What are some of your "must do" revisions tips?

Guest Author John Walters: Buzz Words, Saving the English Language from the Human Race

2012-01-31T06:00:00.005-05:00

Using the right word is so important in writing that it's not uncommon to get stuck on single line, looking for the perfect word to say what you mean. Which is probably why hearing the wrong use of a word drives us so nuts. (two that make me crazy: decimate and peruse) John Walters joins us today to talk about a few other words that make writers cringe.

Take it away John...

It can be difficult to accept, but we have no individual ownership over some of the ideas that we treasure most; rather they belong to the popular consciousness and shifting sea of public opinion.The Confederate Flag has many meanings to many people, but regardless of what it stood for originally, its modern definition is determined by its place in the minds of modern people.

As it is with symbols, so it is with words. To my horror, popular usage has begun to suck many precise, useful, wonderful words into the realm of the nebulous, hackneyed and useless. In aggressive terms, stupid people are unwittingly dragging our language down with them. In an effort to stem this dismal tide, here is a list of words being fought for currently. Some are all but lost, and some are still just a few hundred thousand unsolicited corrections away from being redeemed. If you love language, please consider taking up arms in the struggle to ensure that words say as much as possible.

Blatant
Blatant is one of the words that has been all but consigned to utter meaninglessness. One of my college professors considered it so degraded that she forbid her students from using it at all. Most people use blatant to express any known fact and express extremity, dropping lines like “Jack blatantly avoids Sarah.” Reading the previous sentence again with the word “blatant” removed reveals almost no change in meaning at all. The intended meaning the word is to reveal actions that are conspicuously undisguised.

A bank robber apprehended by fifty police in the middle of a bank vault was probably not blatantly attempting to rob the bank. However when Larry Flynt rented a newsstand for five minutes for the purpose of personally selling a copy of his censored magazine and therefore being arrested, his crime was blatant. No matter how unconvincingly a World Cup Soccer player falls the ground wailing in agony with hopes of drawing a stoppage in play or penalty against his opponent, no such act can ever be considered blatant. When a fellow soccer player tires of this annoying display, abandons any hope of continuing in the game for the sake of savagely kicking the faker repeatedly, his act was blatant.

Literally
The usage of literally makes me suspect language is under attack from a coordinated worldwide conspiracy. It’s perhaps the only word that is commonly used in direct contradiction to its actual meaning. This word is intended to reveal a complete lack of exaggeration, but its most common usage is by blithering idiots making inane attempts at exaggeration. “The Crowd was so loud that roof literally flew off the arena!”

The misuse is so obvious (BUT NOT BLATANT) that the only possible justification for it is that people are thoughtlessly trying to imitate people who have used it correctly. They simply heard someone say “literally” for emphasis of a fact and assumed they could use it to emphasize a falsehood. Had these same people heard someone say, “It hurts so bad that I pink-monkey-dishwasher passed out,” they would go around crowbarring “pink-monkey-dishwasher” into every sentence they wanted to emphasize. All I can say to save this word is aggressive confrontation. So the next time someone tells you they had so much homework last Tuesday that they “literally died,” either call them a liar or literally attempt to drive a stake through their heart.

Ironic
Ironic is perhaps the most important word to have its meaning dragged towards uselessness. It is wonderfully precise and useful, but unfortunately these qualities are under attack. Irony is a result in contradiction or mockery of the expected result. This is not to be misconstrued with any coincidence that happens down the pipe.

If Joe Popaloski the Electrician fixes the wiring in Joe Popaloski the Plumber’s house, nothing ironic has occurred (coincidentally they have the same name). However if Joe the Electrician fixes Joe the Plumber’s toilet, then irony is making an appearance. People have warped “irony” to associate it with long odds or even just plain unfortunate events. Alanis Morissette even had the literary apathy to say “It’s a death row pardon, two minutes too late,” essentially proclaiming it’s ironic every time someone is tardy. Actually, Morissette’s Ironic is wonderfully instructive about what irony isn’t. A black fly has no aversion to wine (quite the opposite), wedding days have never earned any special reprieve from rain, and a ninety-eight year old man dying under any circumstances is no contradiction to anyone’s expectations.

One of the very real sources of magic in the world is languages' ability to transport one person into the perspective of another, conveying attitudes, emotions and some of the most elusive moments of our lives into a form that can be captured and stored. But this magic is dependent on the effectiveness and precision of our language! So the next time you feel tempted to submit an unsolicited correction on behalf of verbal precision, I hope your fear of social awkwardness is overwhelmed by your desire to strike a blow for the wonderful world of communication.

John Walters writes and blogs on dating, relationships, and online dating for www.onlinedatingsites.net.

Person? Place? Thing? Let's Talk About Nouns

2012-01-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Use strong nouns and verbs." Most writers have heard this, and it's probably taped to more than one monitor as a reminder. But like so much writing advice, it's important, yet vague. Exactly what is a strong noun? How do we know what nouns are best for our writing? There is no right answer because every story will need something different. As good as this advice is, it isn't always very helpful.

It reminds me of an episode of Friends where the dumb-yet-lovable Joey wrote a letter of recommendation. To sound smart, he used the thesaurus and replaced all his "dumb" words with "smart" ones.

"They're warm, nice people with big hearts" became "They're humid, pre-possessing homosapiens with full-sized aortic pumps."

Strong nouns, yes, but an improvement to the line? Nope.

So What is a Strong Noun?
Strong nouns are words that are specific to the item or the character. "He ran toward the tree" doesn't tell you a thing about that tree. Readers will envision a different type of tree depending on where they live, and possibly how well you've set your scene. But odds are what you have pictured in your head is different from what the reader pictures.

Seems like it really shouldn't matter that much, right? A tree is a tree. But when you're getting feedback like, "the world just didn't come alive for me" or "I really couldn't get a sense of the setting" there's a good chance you're being too vague. Strong nouns can help here.

"He ran toward the cactus" says a whole lot. Instantly you know what the setting generally looks like because a cactus grows in a specific climate. "He ran toward the oak" tells you some things, but even though it's specific, it's still vague. I bet if I lined up ten trees not everyone could pick the oak out of that lineup. (I probably couldn't, and we had some in our yard for years). This is where being specific doesn't always cut it. Yes, it's a strong noun, but it doesn't help.

How Do You Pick the Right Specific?
This is where good old fashioned point of views comes in. The hardcore Navy SEAL will very likely use nouns that are familiar to him. Hard words, strong words, military words. Things that fill his world and people he comes in contact with every day. A stay-at-home mother of triplets will use different language and see the world in very different way.

And contradictory as this sounds, sometimes being specific is the wrong thing to do. Someone coming into my bedroom might describe my dresser as the "white plantation style with sliding front doors," while I'd just call it "my dresser." "The red tabby" running around my house is just "Darwin" to me. Being too specific can be just as bad as being too vague. Neither give you a solid sense of the character.

When choosing a noun for a character, think about:

How familiar the POV is with what that object.

Do they know what it is or not?
Is there a term their social group would use?
Is it similar to something they know well?

What tone you want to set in the scene.

Is there an emotion a particular word would evoke?
Do you want contrast anything?
Do you want to surprise?

What information it needs to convey.

Is this noun part of the world building?
Is it part of a critical scene or moment?
Does it carry or hide a clue?
Does it need to tell readers something about the character?

The best -- and strongest -- nouns do more than just tell you what something is. It helps you place that item in context with the person referring to it. "That whore" isn't the same as "my ex-wife," even if they both refer to the same woman. "Borderland, MN" might be "Boringland, MN" to a teen forced to live there.

Now, it would be insane to suggest you look at every single noun and run through a list of questions. No one has time for that. But as you write, or more likely revise, take a second look at certain scenes. The big turning points, the revelations, the first time someone sees, visits, or encounters something or someplace. Any trouble spots that feel off and you're not sure why.

Look for ways you can strengthen the prose and see if that adds (or fixes) anything in the story. Maybe it's a voice issue because everything sounds too clinical. Maybe it's a description issue with too many specifics the POV just wouldn't use. Maybe it's the wrong nouns altogether, and the right word or two can eliminate lines of text and pick up the pace.

Don't let a noun hunt slow you down, but try thinking about what you choose and if there are places where you can improve your writing by being a bit more (or even less) specific.

Do you ever think about the nouns you use or do they just fall out as you write? Have you ever edited for nouns? Have you ever been stuck by trying to find the right noun? Has the right noun ever changed a scene or fixed a sticking point?

And just for fun, the best song about nouns ever.

Real Life Diagnostics: Are You Worried Yet? Heightening the Tension and Emotion in Your Scenes

2012-01-28T08:20:00.000-05:00

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Seven

This week’s questions:

In this passage my MC is a member of a group that is hunting a dragon for a bounty. My MC refers to the dragon as 'she'. Kent is the leader and he's a bit of an adrenaline junkie, so he's going to try to shoot the thing out of the air when it jumps toward him. My MC used to date Kent, but now she only tolerates him and no longer trusts him. They are in a forest at night, parts of it are now on fire, and the dragon is leaping out of a dried-up creek bed.

I want to know if this is scene is exciting and tense, and if not, how can I make it so? Is the action paced well, does it speed along? do you get the sense of slowing as she's running toward Kent? Does her emotion come through? Is it interesting enough that you want to know what comes next?

On to the diagnosis…

Original text:
And then the night is on fire again, a ragged, twisting, burning pattern of shadow and flame, a nightmare of screams and roars. She launches over the edge of the bank, sailing on the momentum of powerful legs, jaws wide, claws ready.

Hurdling straight for Kent.

My voice is a strangled cry as I leap up and run for him. I meant to scream 'no'. I'm not sure what actually came out. But I have to reach him, I have to save him.

And I have no idea why.

Everything is moving too fast, but at the same time it feels like the night is slowing, coming to a stop, like a merry-go-round reaching the end. I feel each foot shudder against the ground, find its balance, lift off again. Hear the soft slup of spongy leaves beneath me, The crisp shudder of my breath. And Kent.

Kent!

His eyes are narrowed, focused, the gun gleaming in the firelight. He doesn't move. My breath is trapped, a tight fist at the base of my throat.

Please, move!

I hear the sound, a clap of thunder, a strike of lightening. A bullet hissing through the air. The dragon's head shudders, wrenches left, and I know the bullet found its place. But it's not enough, she's not slowing. She won't stop in time.

I leap.

There's a moment of suspension, of floating, of time clenching to a stop. There's a violent warmth against my body, my breath leaving in one sudden huff. The night bathed in orange, heat searing my back. The smell of burned hair and a massive gust of wind over my body.

And then.

My Thoughts in Purple:
And then the night is on fire again, a ragged, twisting, burning pattern of shadow and flame, a nightmare of screams and roars. She launches over the edge of the bank, sailing on the momentum of powerful legs, jaws wide, claws ready. Good action through here

[Hurdling] Hurtling straight for Kent.

[My voice is a strangled cry as I leap up and run for him. I meant to scream 'no'. I'm not sure what actually came out.] Even though this if first person, this feels a bit detached, looking on instead of looking out. She isn't crying out and running for him, we're being told what her voice sounds like as she moves. Then what she means to do, but not what she actually does. It's a subtle difference, but this is one area you could up the tension more by having her reactions be more immediate and visceral. Let the reader feel her fear. But I have to reach him, I have to save him.

And I have no idea why.

Everything is moving too fast, but at the same time it feels like the night is slowing, coming to a stop, like a merry-go-round reaching the end. [I feel] here's another spot you could be more in her head to show the emotion instead of telling us what she feels. "Each foot shudders against the ground, I stumble, find my balance, lift off again..." each foot shudder against the ground, find its balance, lift off again. Hear the soft slup of spongy leaves beneath me, The crisp shudder of my breath. [And Kent.] I'd probably cut to avoid his name twice in a row. We know where she's going.

[Kent!] Her thoughts like this are great, as they bring me right into her head and the action.

His eyes are narrowed, focused, the gun gleaming in the firelight. He doesn't move. My breath is trapped, a tight fist at the base of my throat.

Please, move!

[I hear ] another spot you could tweak to be more in her head and expand on the emotions the sound, a clap of thunder, a strike of lightening. A bullet hissing through the air. The dragon's head shudders, wrenches left, and I know the bullet found its place. But it's not enough, she's not slowing. She won't stop in time.

[I leap.] I like the immediacy of this action. She's just doing it, not watching herself do it

[There's a moment of suspension, of floating, of time clenching to a stop. There's a violent warmth against my body, my breath leaving in one sudden huff. The night bathed in orange, heat searing my back. The smell of burned hair and a massive gust of wind over my body.] I like all these details, but again it feels like I'm hearing someone describe this scene, not feeling it as it happens. Try shifting it slightly to what she feels and experiences, not what you know happens to her. "For a moment I'm suspended, floating, time clenches to a stop..." Tastes vary on this though so readers chime in here and the similar passage above.

And then.

The questions:
I want to know if this is scene is exciting and tense, and if not, how can I make it so?
It's hard to get truly sucked in with a snippet like this since we don't know the characters, but I see how this scene in context would probably be a good scene. She's running to save Kent (solid goal driving it), and a dragon bearing down on him is quite high stakes. There are good details and the sense of things about to crash together in a big way.

Is the action paced well, does it speed along? Do you get the sense of slowing as she's running toward Kent?
Mostly, though there are a few areas that could be tightened to pick it up even further and get that time slows down sense in there. The descriptions are nice, but there is a lot of thinking in between the acting. Again, seeing this in context would determine if you needed to trim it or not, but my instincts say a little trimming here would be helpful. Here's one spot:

[My voice is a strangled cry as I leap up and run for him. I meant to scream 'no'. I'm not sure what actually came out.] But I have to reach him, I have to save him.

A lot of words are spent to say she cried out, and so much focus on that steals the immediacy of her frantic "I have to save him." The desperation of that paired with the unexpected hook of "I don't know why" next works well. I'd suggest finding something to show she cries out and runs for him, then skip right to the "I have to reach him, save him."

Here's another possible spot to tighten to both help the pacing and help with the slow time idea:

I hear the sound, a clap of thunder, a strike of lightening. A bullet hissing through the air. The dragon's head shudders, wrenches left, and I know the bullet found its place. But it's not enough, she's not slowing. She won't stop in time.

I do like the details here, but this is almost to the moment when these two sides meet, so picking up the pace here could pick up the tension. Something like...

Thunder claps, lightening strikes. A bullet hisses through the air. The dragon's wrenches left, but it's not enough, she's not slowing. She won't stop in time.

Same idea, same details, just thinned out a bit to get that sense of things moving fast. This could pair nicely with the later paragraph to help show time slowing down for her. At first she sees things moving (and reading) very fast, showing how everything is happening quickly. Then as time slows for her, the descriptions slow down and become longer as well. She notices things in a blur at first, then details clarify.

Does her emotion come through?
Yes and no. I can tell she wants to get to Kent, and the descriptions of her physical state do show someone who's worried or panicked. Her internalization shows she's worried, she needs to save him, she knows she might not be able to. However, you mentioned that she used to date Kent and now barely tolerates him, but I'm not getting any of that in the scene. There's no sense of conflict about her feelings, or any sense that she doesn't like or trust him. From just reading this, I'd say she was a gal who realized she loved the guy when he was in trouble vs. someone who was trying to save an ex she can't stand.

You might think about ways to get that in there (the whole scene, not just this snippet), as that could help up the tension even more. Will she step in or not? How does she feel about his risking his neck (and thus hers since she's with him on this hunt). Maybe she thinks about how the money isn't worth it. Your explanation of the scene shows a lot of really great potential for emotional conflict so perhaps try playing with some of that.

Is it interesting enough that you want to know what comes next?
I love this question because it really shows why pure action isn't that compelling in a book. I know (or assume) there are only a few outcomes here. Either she saves Kent or she doesn't, or some third party/event I can't anticipate comes in and acts. She probably gets hurts based on the descriptions, which happens when you dive in front of a fire-breathing dragon. All good things, but there's no mystery in this scene that makes me want to know what happens next because I don't expect any surprises.

If this was the opening scene I'd say worry, but as a scene later in the book it's fine. You very likely have mysteries going into this scene that do hook the reader, and the outcome will matter more to them because of that. They also already care about these characters so they'll care about this fight. I know from something the submitter said that there is indeed a twist, and if the reader knows that's coming (to felt like something that would be on the back cover copy) then they can be anticipating about this fight. I know from something the submitter said that there is indeed a twist, and if the reader knows that's coming (to felt like something that would be on the back cover copy) then they can be anticipating that. Also, if you play up those conflicting emotions about how the narrator feels about Kent, you might actually add mystery to this so it's more than just action.

So to answer the question, no, but I'd keep reading anyway, because I know this snippet isn't about creating mystery or hooking the reader. It's fulfilling a promise that already hooked the reader.

Thanks to our brave volunteer for submitting this for me to play with. I hope they – and others – find it helpful. I don’t do a full critique on these, (just as it pertains to the questions) and I encourage you to comment and make suggestions of your own. Just remember that these pieces are works in progress, not polished drafts, so be nice and offer constructive feedback.

Fundamental Check: Do Your Scenes Have What They Need?

2012-01-27T07:33:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's good to go back to the basics when you're figuring out a book, especially if you've done a lot of revisions or have reworked the plot. A quick check of the fundamentals can help you spot weakness you didn't even know you had, because it forces you to look at specifics, not just read for a general sense of the plot.

My current WIP is a perfect example. I spent the last several weeks on my outline and was ready to start the hardcore revisions. I love my templates and "did you do it?" lists, so I took one last peek to make sure I had all the necessary pieces and had worked out everything I'd wanted to fix. I checked my list of what every scene had to have.

Every scene must have a goal, a conflict, and stakes. It really needs motivations as well, and I threw in choices this time to keep the protag proactive and the story moving. Tension is important, so I added that to the list. For this book, I also wanted to keep track of my foreshadowing and world building, as I needed to lay a lot of groundwork and establish some fantasy world rules. I designated each of these vital pieces in a different color. It looked like this:

Goal. Choice. Stakes. Conflict. Tension. Motivation. Foreshadowing. World Building.

Then I used this guide and colored the text in my opening scene summary according to what each piece did. My reasons here were simply to double check that I had all the mechanics in place and hadn't left anything off during all my back and forth tweaks while re-focusing the plot.

Let me tell you, I was shocked by the results.

The first thing I saw was that I had no goal, no current stakes, and no conflict whatsoever. A huge surprise considering I'm a bit of a goal-conflict-stakes freak, and the summary read like a pretty solid scene to me.

But when I looked closer during this check list, I realized sure, it had a goal, but it was a general goal that applied to the whole story, not something specific to this scene. There were stakes, but again, so general they were a constant threat for my protag the whole book (stakes that don't escalate aren't very compelling). Same with the conflict. Everything was technically there, but not specifically there, and the scene wasn't as strong as it could be. It would be a good scene, but we all know "good" isn't good enough when it comes to publishing.

This is exactly why I do these little exercises. I can't tell you how many times I've caught something because I took the time to step back and double check my fundamentals.

With a scene (and a realization) like this, your first instinct might be to add goals, conflict and stakes, drawing from elsewhere in the novel or making it up so you have an exciting beginning. However, there's a good chance you'll end up with a scene that has a lot of extraneous stuff in it that doesn't actually help your story. It might fulfill the scene requirements, but not much else because you're adding what's missing instead of bringing out what's already there.

This is definitely a tip that needs an example, so here's my original opening scene summary (names and some info changed for clarity):

C1: Alice is wandering through the military ward spying on the soldiers when she notices a change in the training sessions. They look more serious, have different armor that seems specifically crafted to defend against certain weapons, and she concludes not only are they prepping for war, but against her people. (Equates it to a prior campaign, get in empire/conquer idea). She plans to tell her handler, Irving, this later when she sees him. She also notes one of the servants kissing one of the soldiers (a big no-no), but she decides not to tell her servant friend Brenda about it, (use to set the rules). She also sees one of the soldiers who's regularly mean to Brenda getting chewed out. Alice plans to tell Brenda later to share the gossip and make her feel better (show her give and take in spying). When it's time to head down to meet Irving, Alice runs into Brenda on her way to the kitchens. They chat for a bit about an upcoming event. Alice tells her what she saw, offers a few leading gossip questions about the soldiers to get more info (show her spying - what do you think is going on? Is it war?), and hears a few things in return (use for rules and world building), then Alice heads out to meet with Irving. As she's leaving, she spots Commander Xavier watching her, looking very suspicious (reason redacted), which worries her, and totally freaks out Brenda. Brenda mentions one of the rumors about him (lay groundwork). Alice is very concerned, as Xavier has never even looked at her before, so why now?

As you can see, my outlines tend to be rough and include notes to myself to make sure I cover certain mechanical things, but hopefully it's clear enough to show what I'm talking about. Do you see the weak goals? The general stakes? The lack of a really good reason to care? But do you also see all the pieces that will make this scene sing if I tweak it a bit?

Let's break it down.

Goal:
"Spying" is what my protag is doing. What makes this a weak goal is that she's not after anything in particular. Spying is what she does all the time. She's also simply noticing something that she ought to be proactively doing to drive the scene. She's reacting to what she happens to see, not actively seeking it out. This scene isn't about her trying to accomplish anything, it's just her going about her regular day. (the regular day is good for an opening scene, but it also needs a story-driving goal to get things moving)

Conflict:
Zero conflict, which is what happens when you have a weak goal and little at stake. There's nothing preventing Alice from spying. There might be a smidge of possible internal conflict when Alice decides not to tell Brenda about the kissing couple, but you don't see why. And from my notes, you see it's more for world building than actual plot. It sets up conflicts for later, but there are none in this scene.

Stakes:
No real stakes here. What makes it weak is that Alice can walk away and nothing happens to her. There are no consequences for her abandoning her goal. There are some hints at future dangers, and potential for other people to get into trouble (the kissing couple), but the only real threat is Xavier at the end, and that's pretty vague. It's more foreshadowing than actual stakes. I know this character is a huge threat to Alice, so it feels like higher stakes to me even though there's nothing yet on the page to show that.

How many folks here have drafts with similar problems?

I'd bet there are a lot of frustrated writers staring at their "looks good to me" outlines or chapters yet unable to figure out what's wrong. It feels like the right pieces are there, and maybe some of these scenes get stronger in the actual text, but the book keeps getting rejected or getting negative feedback in crits.

If you're struggling with this right now, try going back to your fundamentals and identifying exactly what your goals, conflicts and stakes are. Be specific. Look for motivations and choices as well, as those help keep your protag active and driving the story.

Let's go back to my scene and apply this:

First, the goal:
Alice needs a solid and specific scene-driving goal. Something that will hopefully hook the reader to keep them reading. That's easy to fix here. She's there spying on purpose, with a very clear agenda in mind. She doesn't just happen to notice something, she's there to find out specifically that thing. To help with the hook, let's also make it clear why she needs to find this out.

Choices and motivations can help to determine how strong your goal is. If you can explain why your protag has this goal and see choices that result of trying to achieve this goal, then you're on the right track. If the motivations are vague or absent, odds are your goal is also vague and not strong enough to effectively drive the scene.

Second, the conflict:
Something needs to prevent Alice from getting her spying done, or prevent her from just walking away if now's a bad time to do it. Let's put Xavier there from the start and have him see Alice right away. She then has to decide on how to proceed (add that choice).

But this still doesn't feel strong enough to me because we don't really know why Xavier is a threat yet, and there's nothing saying she has to do this right now or else. She needs a reason to act here (and preferably, one that will work as a bridge to get her to the inciting event).

So let's put Brenda in that compromising position with a soldier. And then have the mean soldier headed right toward her and about to discover them. Now Alice has to decide if she should risk herself to help a friend (and a valuable asset since Alice is a spy, doubly so since she now knows Brenda is secretly dating a soldier and might have ever more useful intel she can use) or avoid Xavier and potentially getting on his radar (which is bad for spies). Both internal and external conflict over Brenda, and external conflict with Xavier. Even better, if Alice acts here to save Brenda that can even put her into conflict with the mean soldier bearing down on them. (she's trying to prevent him from going wherever he's going in order to protect Brenda)

To recap: Alice's goal of spying is blocked by Xavier, who is a threat to her. It's made more complicated by her seeing a friend in trouble. That's made more complicated by that person having both personal and professional value that Alice could lose access to if Brenda gets into trouble. But to preserve that, Alice has to risk her bigger overall mission.

Third, stakes:
For this opening scene, it was important to establish stakes not only for the scene but for the story at large. Putting Xavier right up front allows me to show why he's a danger to Alice and set the general "spy = danger" stakes. But the scene also needs something at stake right now to raise the tension and make the reader care about what happens. Alice has to risk something personal here. We need to see her make a sacrifice.

Enter Brenda. Not only does Alice risk her original goal/mission, she can put herself between Brenda and the mean soldier, risking bodily harm. It also draws attention to her (which she was trying to avoid), both from the other soldiers and from Commander Xavier. Alice really shouldn't be there at all and her presence is suspicious. Having folks suspicious of you is really bad for a spy.

Now Alice has things to lose and reasons why she can't just walk away and come back later.

The changes are minor and used what I'd already done, but now it's a much stronger scene. Not only does it drive the plot better, it allows me to establish critical background and foreshadowing information in very natural ways that won't stand out as infodumps or backstory. It also puts a minor character into a stronger role, which means I won't have a lot of faceless names filling roles just because I needed a body there. That's great for the overall story, because Brenda's actions here will have ramifications later on. Layering the conflicts now gave me a bigger plot pool to draw from for future scene.

I won't lie, doing this to 50 or so scenes in a novel takes time, but I was thrilled with the results when I was done. The plot tied together better, every scene had real drive and a reason for readers to keep reading. The stakes escalated and the conflicts grew more and more conflicted because I kept layering them. Every scene had purpose and achieved multiple things.

This is helpful for first drafts and revisions, so don't forget to check the fundamentals. Weak scenes lead to weak stories, and specifics go a long way toward strengthening a scene and making sure your story stands on solid ground.

Do you check your scene fundamentals? Do you have any scenes right now that you think this trick will help?

Work It, Work It: Breaking the Writing Rules

2012-01-26T06:00:00.000-05:00

Chances are, you've either heard or said the words, "if it works, it works" at some point in your writing life. You've probably also said, "well that's not very helpful" or "I know this isn't helpful, but..." Since there are no real rules in writing, anything can be done, and sometimes breaking the norm is exactly what a story needs.

It's also something that's very compelling to try just to be different, usually with disastrous results.

How do you know if "it works" or it's just a mess?

When you break the rules,what determines whether or not it works is why it was done and how it serves the story. Doing something different just to be different rarely succeeds, but if it was a conscious choice to achieve something you couldn't do any other way, it often works. And most importantly, it allows you to tell the story in a way that brings out an aspect that transcends mere words on a page. How you did it adds a layer same as what you said.

I've pulled four books off my bookshelf I think are good examples of books that break the rules, but work anyway.

The Book Thief
By Markus Zusak

This one breaks all kinds of rules. It's narrated by Death, but focuses on the other characters in third person omniscient. But Death breaks into the story all the time to talk to the reader, in first person. It's mixed within the third person text, so essentially, you have two POV types going on at once, all while breaking the fourth wall.

This works because it's the ultimate omniscient narrator. An all knowing, truly omniscient being is telling the story, and it's his story, even if it focuses on the main character, Liesel. Zusak never lets you go too long without reminding you that Death is the one talking here. Since he's true to his narrator, the unique narrative style works.

Zusak also breaks in with loud proclamations about things. In bold. Like this:

*** SOME OTHER SMALL FACTS ***
Sometimes I arrive too early.
I rush,
and some people cling longer
to life than expected.

You'd think this would be odd and yank you out of the story, but it doesn't. Death is allowed to make declarative statements, and we go with it because it's DEATH. Of course he knows everything. And since these statements are solid in Death's POV, they don't come across as the author making a declaration. These are things that Death would say, and no other. Again, staying firm in the POV. This isn't some faceless narrator here, it's a person (so to speak) with very strong opinions and a unique view of the events at hand.

Another rule Zusak breaks is telling you things that are going to happen long before they do, a'la "little did he know the killer waited just around the corner."

Knowing what's going to happen to a character usually lessens the tension, but here it doesn't. We know the outcome of most books anyway (heroes usually win, bad guys get defeated) but the how and why are what drive us to keep reading. In The Book Thief though, I think there's another reason why this works so well.
We know the setting and the history around that setting.

It takes place in Nazi Germany during World War 2. Much of the tension comes from knowing what's going to happen to that little town and those people without the author ever having to say a word. So when Death says someone is going to die, we take that as a given. When Liesel's foster father does something kind for a Jew, we know how his neighbors will react. We can guess what will happen, so telling us doesn't change our perceptions of the tale at all. It's what we expected anyway.

Even more importantly, Death doesn't care about who lives and dies (well, he does, but not as we do), because they all will eventually. The stakes don't come from typical human emotions, they come from Death and his fascination with humanity and this girl. His priorities are different, and since he wants to know, we want to know, because he's made us curious about the things he finds important.

Another book that plays with mixing POV types is...

Skin Hunger
By Kathleen Duey

This book is a favorite of mine and I've talked about it before, but it's a great example of how to mix POVs effectively. Skin Hunger tells the tale from two POVs, a first person boy in the present day (for the setting of the book) and a third person girl in the past.

This works because the past bears significantly on the first person story, but the present day is what's important. Hahp is the person Duey wants you to identity with and root for (I'm guessing since she did it so well) so you get up close and personal with him. Sadima is the one to wonder about, so third person keeps us from getting too close before Duey is ready for us to be there. Duey couldn't have achieved this if she'd done third and third, or first and first because the two sides would have had equal weight. The more you read, the more you find yourself wondering what the past story has to do with the present, which is exactly what Duey wants you to do. Just as you can't stand not knowing, she tosses you a clue as to how these two stories link.

Anyone who has a "the past really does influence the present" type story should definitely check this out. The past here is its own story, and it does connect to the present day tale.

Living Dead Girl
By Elizabeth Scott

You could say this breaks both a word count rule and a taboo rule, but I'm focusing more on the word count aspect. This is a powerful story about a girl who is kidnapped by a sexual predator at age 10, and at 15, he wants her to find and help him kidnap a new girl to replace her. It's all of 27,000 words long.

This works because of the nature of the story. Scott's tight prose doesn't waste a word, and it fits wonderfully with narrator Alice's voice. Adding words to this story would have mucked it up. Alice wouldn't be the "dead" girl if she thought more or wondered more, because she would have come across as a girl who hadn't been broken. Alice sounds and feels authentic, and the result is heartbreaking.

A longer word count also would have delved deeper into a topic and experience that would have been uncomfortable after a while. It's a story that has to be short because we couldn't bear to live in Alice's world much longer, even though we're drawn so well into it. Alice's world is small, and what she endures is terrible. Once you've seen it, you don't need to repeat it for another 30,000 words, and Scott knew that.

The Everafter
By Amy Huntley

Another favorite of mine, this one breaks the rule, "stories should be told chronologically." In The Everafter, narrator Madison is dead, floating in a void where she sees objects lost in her life. When she touches one of these objects, she re-experiences that moment in time. The story jumps around from infancy to childhood to her teen years and ultimately how and when she died.

It works because these pieces all show you who Madison is and make you care about her, so you want her to find out how and why she died as much as she does. Had Huntley simply started at a date prior to Maddy's death and moved on, the story would lose all it's magical appeal. (and likely narrative drive) It's not so much the events that matter, but the lessons Maddy learns as she explores her life and death. Similar to how Zusak used the first person-third person in The Book Thief, Huntley uses Maddy's journey through her own life to give a third person perspective with the intimate first person narrator. Only by being outside of it can Maddy really examine her life and understand who she is and was. And that understanding makes her death all the more touching.

So, what can we as writers learn from books like these?

Don't be afraid to take chances and break the rules, because you might create something fantastic if you do. But don't do it willy nilly either. If you veer off the path, make sure your feet stay firmly grounded on where you're going and what you're trying to do. If you have strong reasons that hold up to questioning, you just might have a story that will work as a rule breaker.

What rules have you broken? Did they work or fall flat? What other rule breaking books have you admired?

Leave the Breadcrumbs Behind: Are You Asking -- and Answering -- the Right Story Questions?

2012-01-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

I've been spending a lot of time working on my outline in preparation for revising my current novel, because I want to make sure I have everything figured out so the re-writing is easier. I have a lot of layers and mysteries in the works, so I decided to keep track of what breadcrumbs I was leaving behind.

And I discovered something fun and quite helpful.

Identify the reader questions in each act.

Sounds simple, doesn't it? Probably something you assume you already do (I know I did). But while I knew the main story question of every act, there were a lot more things the reader might be wondering about, and some of them I didn't do much with. These little questions were all missed opportunities to deepen my story and keep that all-important tension high.

I went scene by scene in my first act (nine chapters for this book) and wrote down every question a reader might want to know. The plot and subplot questions were easy, as these are the ones driving the narrative. The smaller mysteries were less obvious, but many of them could be expanded on or used later in the story to tie things together (and work as great red herrings).

Things like:

What's the deal with X and his attitude?
Who's really behind Y?
Will J tell A how he really feels?
Why is Q so scared of X?
What did K mean by XYZ?

No matter how small the mystery, if it was something a reader might wonder about and want to know the answer to, I wrote it down. I was quite pleased by how many things there were to make the reader curious about how they might turn out. It let me know I had layers to braid together for a more compelling story.

It also gave me a great reference guide to use for later in the book. The middle is always rough since that's where the bulk of the plot happens and you don't have the setup or climax to drive it. Except now I had this wonderful list of all the things I teased the reader with in the first act. All of these questions could be resolved, revealed, expanded, further teased about, throughout the second act of the book -- or the third.

And knowing what my reader questions were for each section, I was able to quickly see connections and story arcs that could be woven together or taken advantage of. I could also see where a question was left hanging and never resolved, a potential plot hole that could leave a reader unsatisfied.

Some of these breadcrumbs were intentionally left, but many were just scattered into the story as they came to me. It's no surprise that these were the ones that were forgotten, or that they made the best connections. The subconscious at work and all.

Try making a list of all your story questions per chunk of your novel. The three act structure works great here, but however you break up your novel is fine. Look for the big turning points that move the core conflict.

Write down the core conflict ones. Then write down your character arc questions, any subplots you know you have brewing. All the obvious and easy stuff. Keep them in their own sections for easy referencing later.

Now, scan through your pages or your outline, and look for anything a reader might wonder about. A character motivation or behavior, a rumor or gossip, a bit of world building that is intriguing but never explained.

Also look for things your characters wonder about. If they want to know, odds are your reader does too.

Once you have them all down, read through them. Start with act one and see if/where you answered those questions or resolved those mysteries. Did you get them all? Were any left behind? Do the same for each act.

Next, look to see what was left out. Are these mysteries you can expand on? Get rid of if they don't add anything? Use to raise the tension or surprise the reader in a slow or troublesome scene? Can you combine any of these mysteries? Give one to another character?

Reveals are a big part of keeping a reader hooked, and wanting to know how something turns out or finding out a secret will keep them up way past their bedtime. Knowing what breadcrumbs you've left behind is a great way to ensure you're leaving a trail worth following.

What are your big reader questions? Do you have reader questions per act? Are you leaving enough mysteries to keep your reader hooked and guessing, or are you relying on action to move your story forward? Are there any questions you can do more with? Less with?

Guest Author Rochelle Melander : Conquer Sabotage Before it Conquers You

2012-01-24T06:28:00.000-05:00

Today I'd like to welcome author and writing coach Rochelle Melander to the blog. Rochelle has some great tips on how to spot -- and avoid -- the things we do to ruin or writing careers. (I know I'm prone to #1, what about you guys?) A new year is a great time to start putting a stop to bad habits that will keep us from our goals.

Rochelle Melander is a certified professional coach and the author of 10 books, including a new book to help fiction and nonfiction writers write fast: Write-A-Thon: Write Your Book in 26 Days (And Live to Tell About It) (October 2011). She teaches professionals how to get published, establish credibility, and navigate the new world of social media. In 2006, Rochelle founded Dream Keepers Writing Group, a program that teaches writing to at-risk tweens and teens. Visit her online at www.writenowcoach.com.

Take it away Rochelle...

As any athlete knows, momentum is the most unstoppable force in sports. The only way to stop it is if you get in your own way, start making stupid mistakes, or stop believing in yourself. —Rocco Mediate

According to Wikipedia, sabotage is “a deliberate action aimed at weakening another entity through subversion, obstruction, disruption, or destruction.” Writers often blame the family members, friends, colleagues, and people in high places for sabotaging our career. We rail against the agents and publishers who reject our work. We fume about the friends who ignore or diminish our accomplishments. We get angry at the family members who do not understand the importance of our writing. While all of these might be valid complaints, most of the writers I coach must first conquer the ways they sabotage their own writing before addressing outside forces. They set audacious goals and then do everything under their power to make sure they cannot accomplish them.

Before I get to the ways writers sabotage their own work—I want you to think about a big hairy audacious goal. If you could finish one project this year, what would you choose? Got it? Okay, hold that in your head as I review the five common forms of self-sabotage and teach you how to deal with them.

1. Conflicting goals.
When we set conflicting goals, we undermine our ability to achieve anything. The writer who takes the assignment to write a 2,000-word article in the same month that she is sending holiday cards to all of her relatives, hosting the neighborhood holiday open house, and getting the kitchen redone, may not be wonder woman but the queen of self-sabotage. One of the easiest ways to sabotage our own writing career is to over promise and under deliver. When you set a big writing goal—finishing a novel, tackling a new article market, or writing a book proposal—examine your life for any other goals that might conflict with your project. And here is a hint: one way writers sabotage their progress is by having too many writing projects to work on at one time. Stop! Choose your one project and then do what you can to eliminate the competing goals, leaving your time and energy free to work on your big hairy audacious writing project.

2. Procrastination.
When we delay writing in favor of doing anything else, we sabotage our writing career. When I was in college and graduate school, we all procrastinated. We put off studying and paper writing in favor of having fun. But as an adult, procrastination looks different. Most of the procrastinators I know are not lazy bums, spending hours watching television instead of writing that novel. Here are some common ways writers procrastinate: working extra hours, volunteering for a good cause, over parenting their children, cleaning and cooking, researching, taking classes, and taking on writing assignments that do not engage them. If you are going to tackle and achieve this big hairy audacious writing goal, you need to let go of your procrastinating ways. Observe your behavior for a week. Pay attention to the tasks you are willing to take on just to avoid working on THE BIG GOAL. Can you let go of these procrastinating behaviors in order to work on your big writing goal?

3. Hot air and busted balloons.
When we share our writing ideas with others before we have written them down, we risk losing the creative energy to write the story. We also open up our fresh new ideas to the harsh criticism of others. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon, your ideas need time to mature and grow before they can fly. Keep a genius journal where you can jot down your wisdom and million-dollar ideas. Let them sit there and grow until you are ready to write. Do not show your stories to the world until your work is ready.

4. But I write well!
When we refuse to revise our work or receive outside criticism and help, we sabotage our publishing career. I’ve met many writers who do not believe they need either a critique group or an editor. Most of these writers are still not published. Every first draft sucks and every writer needs an editor (and often two editors). Before you submit your work, take time to revise it. If possible, invite the help of a critique partner or critique group or hire an editor.

5. Hidden treasure.
When we refuse to submit our writing, we sabotage our success. As John Campbell said, “The reason 99% of all stories written are not bought by editors is very simple. Editors never buy manuscripts that are left on the closet shelf at home.” Writing for yourself or your children is all very well and good, but if you want to make a career out of writing, you will need to submit your work at some point. Make a long list of potential agents or publishers, take a deep breath, and submit. When a rejection comes (and it will), try again and again and again until you get accepted!

Writers, sabotage happens. Most of us have war stories and wounds from the friends, colleagues, and publishing people who have sabotaged our work. We do not need to sabotage ourselves. Make 2012 a better year for you by eliminating self sabotage and going after that big, hairy audacious writing goal!

What's Their Story? Discovering the Front Story of Your Non-Point of View Characters

2012-01-23T06:29:00.001-05:00

I recently talked about how helpful it was to write the backstory for my characters. That exercise went so well, I decided to write the front story for them. Find out what they planned to do with all that history I had given them.

What makes the front story (totally my term here) different from basic plotting is that you aren't trying to craft an exciting story. It's not about finding a cool plot, it's about figuring out how that one character fits in with the rest of your story. What's their life like when the protag isn't around? Kinda like Shaun in Shaun of the Dead. The zombie apocalypse has come, but that's all going on on another street (where Buffy s saving the world probably) and he's just living his life during this time. What he's doing is separate from the "hero," even though their paths will cross.

I took each non-main character and wrote out their story as if it was their book and they were my POV character. I didn't try to craft a new tale or anything, and some characters had short paragraphs if they didn't do much, but what this summary did was allow me to see how that character fit into the overall story and where I might make better use of them.

For secondary characters this was much easier, because they already had roles to play (and characters I wrote the backstory for were easier still to write the front story). For minor characters it was even more enlightening, because I found ways to make their small roles really matter to the plot.

Looking at the book from different character's perspective gave me some new perspectives as well. I got to see:

What they wanted independently from my protagonists that could be potential conflicts.
What their scene goals were when they were interacting with my protags.
What they were doing when they weren't on screen.

For example, two smaller characters show up several times in the story. They're more for color and world building than anything else, but after I looked at their front stories, I found ways to use them much more effectively.

Both characters are great mirrors for my protagonists. They allow me to show what their lives would be like if they screwed up or didn't solve the problems I threw at them in the book. They're like symbolic layers to my main characters, and through them I can show aspects of my POVs they couldn't otherwise see on their own. Consequences that could be their fate if they took a different path.

Small problems that were minor issues my protags had to deal with were now cautionary tales, foreshadowing, or even a display of the risks they were taking. All things I wouldn't have seen had I not looked at these character's stories closer. And all things that will make the book richer.

Try looking at your non-POV characters, no matter how large or small their role. Write out how their story would go if readers followed them during the course of your novel. Think about:

What are they doing while the protags are solving the novel's conflicts?
How would the major plot events affect them?
How would the protag's actions affect them?
What would they do to protect themselves?
What would they know? Not know?
Would they try to help? Hinder? Stay out of it?
What would their reaction be to the major reveals? The minor reveals?
Whose side would they be on?

Some characters won't have very interesting stories. Nobody would want to read about the cook in my novel's palace, but by thinking about how she fits into the story's world made me realize a few things about her that I could use. She actually does know things that can hurt my protag, and would probably do it if she got the chance. Her interactions with this character will unfold differently now. I'll be thinking about these things as I revise, and when my protag is around this character, tensions will rise and that scene will be a whole lot more interesting.

Other characters will have plenty to offer and might be in the right place at the right time just when you need them. (Like my minor characters whose lives just got more complicated now that I see what I can do with them).

While the story centers around your protagonist, try thinking about how it affects the other people in your book's world. You might find ways to deepen your story you never knew existed.

How often do you think about how a secondary or minor character affects your story? Do you give them lives off screen? Think about what they do when they're not in a scene. Is there anything about those characters that can make your story richer?

Real Life Diagnostics: A Guy Walks Into a Bar...Setting and Secondary Characters

2012-01-21T07:25:00.000-05:00

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight

This week’s question:

This excerpt is about 30k words in, and the main characters and settings have already been established. I'm introducing a secondary character and a completely different setting, and wanted opinions on whether I did it effectively. My questions:

1. Is the transition from setting to character smooth/effective?

2. Do you get a good sense of the setting, or is more needed?

3. What are your impressions of Caden, and would you want to read more about him?

And finally...Do you think the content is ok for YA?

On to the diagnosis…

Original text:
Bass roared and lights flashed. The air itself seemed to vibrate to the rhythm of gyrating, jumping bodies and the deep pounding of the drum. The band was drowned out by their own music, but they were so terrible no one cared. All in all, it was a shitty joint—dirty bar, ugly girls, bad band, a stain on the floor that looked suspiciously like week-old vomit or maybe even blood. The air stank of cheap beer and sweat. Caden intended to block it all out and enjoy himself. He slipped the little white pill into his drink and downed it in three long gulps, nearly falling to the floor as he left the bar. Ty pushed him away with an annoyed “Watch it, man,” and turned back to the girl at his side.

Caden lurched into the thickest part of the dancing bodies. For a minute all he could seem to do was stumble, tripping and hopping and being buffeted by the others…and then, magically, his clumsiness disappeared and he was on the biggest high of his life, jumping and screaming to the music. This was how it always felt, like this time was the best time.

My Thoughts in Purple:
Bass roared and lights flashed. The air itself seemed to vibrate to the rhythm of gyrating, jumping bodies and the deep pounding of the drum. [The band was drowned out by their own music, but they were so terrible no one cared. All in all, it was a shitty joint—dirty bar, ugly girls, bad band, a stain on the floor that looked suspiciously like week-old vomit or maybe even blood.] I really like the voice through this, and the description of the bar. You might even consider starting this with "all in all..." and see how it flows. But I wonder who's head I'm in here. Is this the POV or the narrator thinking this? The air stank of cheap beer and sweat. [Caden intended to block it all out and enjoy himself.] This feels a little distant, like someone watching Caden not Caden thinking this himself. But this is a good spot to tweak and use internalization to place this firmly in his head (if he is indeed you narrator here) He slipped the little white pill into his drink and downed it in three long gulps, nearly falling to the floor as he left the bar. [Ty pushed him away with an annoyed “Watch it, man,” and turned back to the girl at his side.] If Ty has already been established as being there with a girl this is fine. If not, this feels a bit out of the blue.

Caden lurched into the thickest part of the dancing bodies. For a minute [all he could seem to do] This feels like someone watching, not him experiencing this. was stumble, tripping and hopping and being buffeted by the others…and then, magically, his clumsiness disappeared and he was on the biggest high of his life, jumping and screaming to the music. This was how it always felt, like this time was the best time. Good spot for some internalization here.

The questions:
1. Is the transition from setting to character smooth/effective?
This starts with setting and takes several lines to get to Caden, so I was a little ungrounded at first and wanted to know who's head I was in. But as this is a snippet 30K in, that may have been established before this starts. If readers know who is going to the bar it's fine. If not, readers could feel a little lost (folks chime in here). Something as simple as "Caden entered the bar" before the description would fix that though.

2. Do you get a good sense of the setting, or is more needed?
I liked the descriptions, especially the quick one-line summary of it, "All in all..." I don't think you need any more and established it well.

3. What are your impressions of Caden, and would you want to read more about him?
I don't know him well enough to really have an impression yet. Some of the descriptive lines read like they could be in his voice and I like those, as they had a fun attitude to them. But the lines regarding Caden are a little distant and don't let me into his head yet, so I'm not sure who my narrator is here -- Caden or an omniscient third. That detached tone keeps me at a distance, so it's harder to connect to Caden.

From a purely structural standpoint, I know he's there to party, but nothing else to make me curious about him and what he's doing. However, some of this could have been established before this scene, like if Caden or this bar was mentioned and I know how this piece fits with the rest of the story.

Caden isn't piquing my curiosity as a character yet, but what he does next might. This does have a setup feel, so I image something is about to happen. A little internalization would help make me curious about him though. Something that let me get a glimpse of who he is and what he wants, maybe show that fun attitude I saw in the narrative if that's indeed his opinion. There are some spots where you could easily add that and show a reason to be curious about this boy. Perhaps try going inside and looking out, not so much outside looking down and see how that works.

And finally...Do you think the content is ok for YA?
Most content is okay for YA, it's how you handle it that matters. How graphic you get and how far you go with it. This snippet is fine. There's nothing here I haven't read in the YA market, though some readers (and parents) will be put off by the drinking and drugs. (but that's true for the adult market as well) Kate Brian's "Private" series has a lot of partying, so you might check that out to see how she handled the subject matter. But for the "is it okay to show drinking and drugs in YA?" question, yes, it's fine.

Thanks to our brave volunteer for submitting this for me to play with. I hope they – and others – find it helpful. I don’t do a full critique on these, (just as it pertains to the questions) and I encourage you to comment and make suggestions of your own. Just remember that these pieces are works in progress, not polished drafts, so be nice and offer constructive feedback.

Double the Fun! Adverbs at The Writers Bureau, and a Chance at a 100 Page Critique

2012-01-20T12:00:00.014-05:00

Today is a busy day, with lots going on. First up is a road trip over to The Writers Bureau to discuss how adverbs aren't your enemy. They can even help your writing. No, seriously, they can, so come find out how.

Next, is a chance to bid on a 100 page manuscript critique from yours truly over at Write Dreams. This charity is raising money to help rebuild Donna’s Dream House, a holiday home for children and teenagers with life-threatening or terminal illnesses. The Dream House is run completely by volunteers and since it's start, it's hosted and helped almost 380 families.

On Wednesday, December 21, 2011, arsonists broke into the office building and adjacent health center. There they stole essential computer equipment and damaged the suite, before setting fire to the furniture. When the fire was discovered, it was almost too late. The building was so badly damaged that it may have to be rebuilt completely. Write Dreams is raising money to help do that.

There are plenty of great items to bid on, so even if you're not interested in a critique from me, head on over and see how else you might be able to help out. It's for a great cause.

The Playing's the Thing: How Computer Games Can Help You With Your Plotting

2012-01-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

I took some time off over the holidays and played a lot of computer games. I mean, a lot. Two in particular occupied my time--Skyrim and Star Wars: The Old Republic--and both incorporated storytelling techniques into their gameplay that worked as wonderful examples of common plotting problems.

Game One: Skyrim
Skyrim is the latest in a long series, and the world is as rich and defined as any novel's. It almost plays like an interactive book, because you create a character who is then put into a general storyline, and you go forth and make your own choices about how you want to exist in this world.

The general premise is you're someone with a hidden ability and destiny, who gets dumped into the middle of a civil war. There is a main storyline (the premise), but what you choose to do is up to you (the plot). How you play affects the game and the story.

The hubby went the hero route. He chose a character of the local race, joined the established government, and fought to defend the imperials from the rebels trying to destroy it, all the while using his hidden destiny (and powers) for the benefit of the imperials.

I went the other way. I chose an outsider (a lizard girl), joined the thieves guild, robed the continent blind, ended up with the assassins and eventually joined the rebels to overthrow the government. I explored my hidden destiny as a way to be able to steal more stuff and gain more power.

As you can see, two vastly different stories.

Skyrim's gameplay is a perfect example of how the protagonist drives the story. Same game, same problems, but the main character made the game (and thus the story) a very different experience. If every choice, no matter who you were, turned out the same, the hero of the story wouldn't have mattered. (a common problem with premise novels)

Who you protag is and what they do should matter to your plot. Their actions should determine what happens and why, and things should change by what they do.

Game Two: Star Wars: The Old Republic
The other game was an MMO (a massive multiplayer online game, where thousands are playing at the same time online). Same basic structure as Skyrim, in that you choose a character and are assigned tasks (quests) to a bigger storyline. SW:TOR is different in that everyone is basically going to do the same things. But how you choose to play your character is up to you.

When you talk to characters in the game (these are all done with animated sequences so you feel like you're watching a movie), you get several choices on how to respond. Usually it's the "yes sir, no sir" compliant answer, the defy authority answer, or the neutral gather info answer. Sometimes you get to choose between the dark and light side (good and evil).

I choose to play an agent in the service of the empire (the evil side). I made a few choices early on that made me realize my character didn't like the sith (the evil Jedi). She really didn't like it when they interfered in her intelligence missions.

Maybe it's just the writer in me, but I wanted to figure out this character before I continued playing her. Why did she believe in the empire but not the sith? What motivated her? I treated her same as I would one of my own characters. Understanding her would make her more fun to play. I'd get to see how her decisions affected the story.

I decided that she believed in the order and stability of the empire, but felt the sith were going about it the wrong way. So anytime she's faced with a choice, she chooses what would be best for the empire. If she gets an opportunity to mess up the sith's plans, she takes it (as long as it doesn't jeopardize the empire's mission)

There have been choices in the game that made me cringe when I clicked the option on what to do. They weren't things I would have done, and the good person in me wanted to do the right thing. But my character walks a different path than I do, and she'd never make those choices. While I might want to save the poor tortured soldiers trapped inside a mechanical body, she'd do whatever it took to ensure the empire is victorious over those rebel scum. Even if that means sending those soldiers to the empire to use as weapons.

This is a great example of how the beliefs of a character motivate that character and determine their actions. It isn't what you as the author would do, but what your character would do. What they believe in, what they feel strongly about, what they care about is what drives them and influences their choices.

Even better, sometimes those beliefs are challenged or conflicted and they have to work within and around issues they disagree with. They might even have to do something they dislike to achieve what they really want.

You can find storytelling tips and examples in the oddest of places, but there are many ways to tell a tale. Even inside a game.

Have you ever learned anything from a game? Do you create characters who make their own choices or follow the script of the plot? Does your protag have reasons for acting, and do those reasons sometimes cause them trouble?

Rhythm of the Words: Voice in Dialog

2012-01-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

Aaron Sorkin is a god when it comes to dialog. Seriously.

For those unfamiliar with the name, Sorkin is the writer and creator of such delights as "The West Wing," "Sports Night," "Studio 64," "The American President," and "A Few Good Men." Watch any of these, and you'll hear the style of his writing and how he puts words together so they hit the ear just right.

What does this have to do with writing, you ask? Everything.

One of the things agents say they look for in a query (and a book) is the author's voice. Developing your voice goes hand in hand with how you put words together and how they sound when you're done. Watch enough Sorkin, listen to enough of his characters talk, and you'll be able to peg his work when you hear it. That's voice. (Joss Wheadon is also extremely good at this)

As West Wing character Sam Seaborn would say, it's the cadence. Sentences have rhythm and the words you choose affect that rhythm. That's why leaving in an adverb might be better for the sentence than taking it out, or using an "he said as..." tag works better than just showing the action. The flow of the words matter more than the grammar of them.

Grab a few of your favorite books off the shelf. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Back? Okies, now, randomly pick a page, and read a few paragraphs out loud. Listen to the words, the structure, the rhythm of the sentences. Now look at your own work, and do the same thing. What does your voice sound like? Do you hear a rhythm that is uniquely yours, or does it sound general or -- eek -- even bland?

If you like what you hear, celebrate, because you have that all important voice. If you don't like it, then think about what you can do to develop your voice. Look at your word choices and see if you're letting the technical aspects of writing get in the way of the cadence, the rhythm, and the sound. "Perfect" writing can sound flat, while an odd combination of words can evoke emotions.

A story is so much more than just listing things that happen. This is why a lot of description can feel list-like -- it is a list of things. Study your sentences to see if they all have the same rhythm and length. Read them out loud (the best way to hear it). Do they all have the same structure? For example...

"She's not here," Bob said, crossing his arms. "I haven't seen her since we encountered those six zombies in Tulsa." He stared at the man holding the gun."Did you look for her at the factory?" The man was an idiot.

Hear that flatness? The clunky way the sentences flow (or don't flow) together? Details are stuck in there more for the reader's benefit than like real people speaking. Kinda boring right? Now try the same details, but vary the length and structure, and toss in some of your POV's personality.

"She's not here." Bob crossed his arms and stared at the jerk holding the gun. Idiot. "Haven't seen her since we gave the slip to a sick-pack of walking dead over in Tulsa. Did you try there?"

Better right? That's what voice and rhythm can do for you. Like music, it pulls you through the story and makes you hum along.

There are only so many stories in the world, but how you choose to tell that story is what makes you stand out. Don't just focus on what your words say -- listen to how they sound as well.

Do you read your work out loud? Do you edit (or write) for rhythm? How often do you notice the rhythm of another writer's work? Does it stand out?

It's Alive! Poking Dead Scenes With A Stick, Part Two

2012-01-18T06:00:00.000-05:00

Last week we talked about getting rid of scenes that weren't working for you, so today, let's talk about bringing a dead scene back to life.

If you've decided to keep a dead scene, then there's something about that scene that matters to the story and can't be moved any other place. Or, you just really love it and want to find a way to make it work. Either way, the solution is the same.

Make that scene do more things for the story.

Yeah, I know, easy to say, hard to do. But here are some things you can try:

1. Analyze the scene

What is your protag doing?
Where does this scene take place (setting)?
Who else is in the scene?
Where structurally does this scene take place (act one, midpoint, act two, etc)?
What happens right before this scene?
What happens right after this scene?
What's your theme?
What are the stakes?

2. Look for ways to add more layers to the scene.
Using your answers to the above questions, ask yourself...

What is your protag doing?
How might their actions affect another aspect of the story? Can this make something worse? Be the result of a prior mistake? Can they be conflicted over this action in any way? Look for ways to connect what they're doing back to something else so this action has a greater affect of the story in some way. Can this action affect the internal conflict? Illustrated a weakness or flaw?

Where does this scene take place (setting)?
Can the setting be changed to make what's happening more interesting? Is there anything inherently dangerous or troublesome about the setting that can affect what's going on in the scene? Can the setting reflect your theme? Can it help characterize some aspect of your protag or another character? Can it provide any foreshadowing? (characters use a skill here they'll need later on, or make a mistake that aids them in making a future right choice)

Who else is in the scene?
Is there anything a secondary character can do to affect the plot, internal conflict, or character arc of the protag? Is this a good spot to deepen a secondary character? Can a secondary character have a conflicting opinion about what's going on to provide more conflict and tension? Can you add another character and bring in another layer? Take out a character to change the dynamic?

Where structurally does this scene take place (act one, midpoint, act two, etc)?
Are there any details than can be added to this scene to lay groundwork for a future scene? Are there any earlier scenes that suggested a possible danger that could occur in this scene? Can this scene make a major plot point worse?

What happens right before this scene?
Is there anything that can be continued into the dead scene? Any problems or comments that can be expanded on?

What happens right after this scene?
Is there anything that can be foreshadowed by the actions in the dead scene? Is there a choice that can be affected in a negative way? A positive way? Are there any characters that can be seen or introduced earlier?

What's your theme?
Are there any ways your theme can be explored or illustrated by what's happening in this scene? Can the protag have an epiphany regarding the theme or their problems? Can they have a setback? Can this scene illustrate the flaw the protag has to overcome?

What are the stakes?
Can the stakes be made higher? More personal? Can they cause trouble elsewhere in the story? Can actions here make the stakes in another scene more dire?

Not everything here will apply to all scenes of course, but if you can find two or three things that your dead scene can do, you can probably salvage it. Look especially at the smaller, throwaway comments made throughout the book. I've often found a small detail that worked as a foreshadowing moment and could be developed into more later. If the larger pieces of the story aren't helping, don't be afraid to look at the smaller ones. You might just find your missing piece to bring that scene back to life.

What scenes are you struggling with right now?

Guest Author Diana Nadin: 10 Top Tips for a Successful Author Talk

2012-01-17T06:00:00.004-05:00

Today I'd like to welcome Diana Nadin to the blog to talk with us about author's talking. As someone who used to faint any time I had to gave an oral report in school, this was something I struggled with when I published my first book. I still get nervous, but it's now something I can do and even have fun doing. Diana's tips are dead on, and I wish I'd had them three years ago. Especially #9.

Diana has been Director of Studies at the Writers Bureau – the UK’s largest specialist writing college – for the past 20 years. Her job is to make sure that courses are up-to-date; tutors are professional, well trained and empathetic and that students are given the help they need to take their writing skills to the next level. Her weekly blog is at www.writersbureau.com/blog.

Take it away Diana...

If you’re new to standing up in front of people and talking about your book, it can be a daunting experience. But it does get better with practice (honest!) and here are some tips that can help you feel at ease right from the start.

1. Try to visit the library, bookshop, or wherever you are speaking, before the event so that you get a feel for the space and layout. If this isn’t possible, ensure you arrive with plenty of time to spare so that you can check it out.

2. Always plan your talk carefully and practice at home beforehand. The better your preparation, the less chance there will be of something going wrong – so never skimp on this.

3. Learn some breathing techniques so that you remain calm before you start speaking and also so that you project your voice with ease.

4. Speak slowly and clearly – but not so slowly that your audience falls asleep. If possible, during the practice stage, record yourself so that you can listen critically to how you sound.

5. Ensure that you make eye-contact with your audience. Even if you are reading from your book, pause occasionally and look up to make eye contact.

6. It’s important that you include something interesting – or humorous – early on so that you really get your listeners’ attention.

7. Most people haven’t just come to hear you read from your book – they can buy a copy and take it away to read. They are more interested in hearing anecdotes about you and your life, or the writing process.

8. Make sure you tailor your talk to the venue where you are speaking. If you write romantic fiction with plenty of steamy action, it’s probably best not to read out the more erotic bits if you have been asked to speak at a library on a Saturday afternoon and there are children about!

9. If you intend to have a question and answer session at the end it may be helpful to have an anonymous friend with you who is briefed with some query to get the ball rolling. There’s nothing more embarrassing than being met by silence when you ask if there are any questions.

10. And finally, make sure that there are enough copies of your book on hand for people to buy – don’t pass up any opportunity to sell your work!