Organizations of all kinds are dealing this temptaiton. Fortune 500 companies, Churches, families, all kinds of organizations are more than just a hierarchical flow chart. Every organization is an emotional system. And when emotional systems are experiencing anxiety, they look to alleviate the anxiety, but not necessarily to solve the deeper challenges.

Over the past several years, I can’t count how many times there has been an organization in crisis, and the solution is to fire the CEO, or the department chair, or Secretary of Whatever Department. Maybe these people should be fired, but doing that isn’t a guarantee that the problem will be solved. But it helps the people who are most upset to see that there may be some kind of accountability for what may be causing organizational anxiety. This is a kind of sabotage to any organization, and it is driven by emotions.

What Friedman calls for is leaders to learn how to be self-differentiated.

In the introduction, Friedman says that this book will, “Encourage leaders to focus first on their own integrity and on the nature of their own presence rather than on techniques for manipulating or motivating others.”¹ This concept of being attending to presence was first introduced to me in Mark Sayers book, A Non-Anxious Presence, which was a tremendous blessing leading through the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic. Rather than just running to a quick fix, leaders have the opportunity to slow down, learn, and lead from calling and identity rather than from panic and fear.

I’d like to share another quote from the introduction. I am currently in chapter four, but I have been reveiwing my underlines in this book and just wanted to share some things that have stood out to me. When Friedman talks about self-differentiated leaders he means:

. . . someone who has clarity about his or her own life goals and, therefore, someone who is less likeley to become lost in the anxious emotional processes swirling about. I mean someone who can be separate while still remaining connected and, therefore, can maintain a modifying, non-anxious, and sometimes challenging presence. I mean someone who can manage his or her own reactivity in response to the automatic reactivity of others and, therefore, be able to take stands at the risk of displeasing. It is not as though some leaders can do this and some cannot. No one does this easily, and most leaders, I have learned, can improve their capacity.²

I have found this self-differentiation has been one of the hardest things to develop as a leader. Leadership is so personal and when things don’t go well, or when people are critical, it is very easy to respond from that emotional space. But when I am at my healthiest a posture of self-differentiation has made it possble to not take offense, to not lash out, and to weather difficult seasons in ministry.

So, yeah, I think y’all should read this book.

1. Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix,(New York: Church Publishing, 2017), 14. ︎
2. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, 15-16. ︎

Why am I doing this?

I found myself in a bit of a musical rut. I know what kind of music I like to listen to. But I have been listening to the same stuff over and over. I will always love Smashing Pumpkins, U2, the Beatles, etc. I have no shame in cranking the stereo when these bands come up in my shuffle. But when I stay focused on what I already like I know I will miss out on some great music.

So far, I have posted reviews for Numbers 100-40. There have been some that I really didn’t like. I’m having a hard time with the Rap/Hip-Hop artists. I didn’t understand Kraftwerk’s album. There are placements on the list that I disagree with. U2’s The Joshua Tree should be a top 20! And there are some albums that I wish were on the list.

But here’s the thing that keeps coming back to me: Music is Time Travel. There are albums that have transported me back to the first time I heard them. It’s amazing how music can sneak it’s way into your heart and bring all the emotions right back to the surface. Here are some questions for you:

What album teleports you to when you first heard it?

Why is it so powerful for you?

What albums do you think deserve a spot on this list but were left out?

Leave a comment and thanks for reading.

It has been 1 year since I jumped back into doing stand-up comedy. It’s been quite a ride. I have been wanted to share some of my reflections on this journey. I’ve been defaulting to sharing these kinds of reflections on my youtube channel, but I’ve been avoiding that because of the editing process.

One of the reasons that I wanted to do this was to meet people who don’t go to church.

In April of 2023 our network of churches hosted our annual network conference. Our network leader challenged pastors to be in the community more. I was really challenged by that message, and I started to evaluate my rhythms and practices.

Before COVID I would regularly take my work to coffee shops, restaurants, and other public places. In doing so I would strike up conversations with folks, and get to know people. Some of those conversations have led to friendships. But COVID messed up all of those routines. I remodeled a home office and instead of working in public spaces I defaulted to my church office and my home office. So my world got much smaller. I was only interacting with my family, people who are part of Creekside Church, and the students I teach at Northwest University. All of these are Christian and Church relationships. I realized that I was becoming very insular.

So I talked to my wife about getting back into Stand-up and she was super supportive. I did open mics many years ago. I went to those alone, and when I stopped, no one cared. I had not actual community. So this time I decided to start with a community. I found a stand-up comedy class through the ReKindle School. This class was so fun, and I right away had a group of pals who were all starting at the same level.

The whole class ended with a showcase where we were able to perform at Club Comedy in Seattle. It was super fun. If you want to watch my set you can here:

I continued going to open mics after the class. Our co-hort met a few times to continue to workshop jokes with each other. And now, when I go to open mics, I see some of them. I’m not going to open mics alone anymore and that makes a huge difference.

I also found an open mic at a brewery close to our church. This past year I would do my Bible study on wednesdays and then hop over the the open mic and try jokes. That’s where I got to know Nick, a local comedian who hosts an open mic and produces monthly shows. He invited me to be on a couple of his shows in the past 6 months. Those have been super fun. Here’s the first one:

I also got to know Stephen and Scott, and I have been part of shows that they host. I heard about an open mic that Mike was started and I joined that, and Mike invited me to be part of a show he produced. Here’s that set:

I have tried to make a regular effort to go to the Shanghai Room in Greenwood, and I have gotten to know Noah, the producer there, and the hosts of the Sunday night open mic.

One of the most important things that I re-learned over the past year is that relationships matter. One of the best things that I can do for any relationship is to be consistent and to show up. I have had really intersting conversations with folks. People who I thought were super intimidating, turned out to be amazingly kind. When people have found out that I’m a pastor, they have been treated me like a normal person. In fact, the people most shocked that a pastor would go to do Stand-Up have been church folks.

I have been loving this journey back into Stand-up comedy. I don’t have a dream to be a professional comedian. That life seems really hard, and I really love being home with my family. But in the past year I have been paid $97.00. So I’m doing pretty well. I’m going to keep going on this comedy journey. I’m going to keep meeting new folks. Keep making fun of myself.

When other pastors talk to me about this, they have been super encouraging. Some have even said, “I would love to do that some time.” And I always respond with, “Go for it, I’ll go with you.” Because it’s so hard to go into new spaces alone. Sometimes we need a buddy to celebrate with when it goes well and to comiserate with when it goes . . . not well. But fear of failure is what keeps us from taking these chances. But failure is an option. Failure is a teacher. I have bombed so hard at open mics, and I lived. Don’t let fear keep you from doing something you’ve always wanted to do.

If you want to see these videos sooner, subscribe to my channel.

I have been negligent in my blogging. Sorry. I have been creating loads of content for my YouTube channel. I could post all the stuff I’ve been posting with individual posts, but that would probably be annoying. So, I thought, “why not do a YouTube digest from my channel with a once a week post.

You can also subscribe to my channel here if you would like. I have a January goal of hitting 200 subscribers. As I am writing, I am at 188, with three days to go.

You can subscribe here.

Here’s what I posted last week:

The Power of Writing it Down by Allison Fallon – Quick Review

Creekside Book by Book: Jeremiah 23-34

I’m Finally Writing My Book

Tapped Out Comedy Show – My Full Set

Taylor Swift is RUINING THE NFL, POLITICS, and AMERICA . . . apparently.

I’d love to hear from you about any of these videos. It would be so rad if you commented over on Youtube and subscribed to my channel.