Jass Richards https://www.jassrichards.com comedic writer Sat, 13 Jun 2020 00:58:27 +0000 en-US hourly 1 26605353 And here’s something else… https://www.jassrichards.com/and-heres-something-else-that-would-never-happen-to-a-man/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=and-heres-something-else-that-would-never-happen-to-a-man https://www.jassrichards.com/and-heres-something-else-that-would-never-happen-to-a-man/#respond Tue, 18 Dec 2018 03:38:51 +0000 http://www.jassrichards.com/?p=1634 And here’s something else that would never happen to a man… Jane Smith is a character in A Philosopher, A Psychologist, and An Extraterrestrial Walk into a Chocolate Bar. And she started this. Everyone else is supposed to finish it. Well, add to it. (It’s unlikely it’ll ever be finished.) When one of my neighbours developed …

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The post And here’s something else… first appeared on Jass Richards.]]>

And here’s something else that would

never happen to a man…

Jane Smith is a character in A Philosopher, A Psychologist, and An Extraterrestrial Walk into a Chocolate Bar. And she started this. Everyone else is supposed to finish it. Well, add to it. (It’s unlikely it’ll ever be finished.)

When one of my neighbours developed Alzheimers, he asked three-degreed but female me if I was interested in the part-time job of being his caretaker—and doing his cooking and cleaning and whatever.

*

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The post And here’s something else… first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> https://www.jassrichards.com/and-heres-something-else-that-would-never-happen-to-a-man/feed/ 0 1634 Jane Smith’s Translation Dictionary https://www.jassrichards.com/jane-smiths-translation-dictionary/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=jane-smiths-translation-dictionary https://www.jassrichards.com/jane-smiths-translation-dictionary/#respond Sun, 02 Dec 2018 01:51:58 +0000 http://www.jassrichards.com/?p=1558 Jane Smith’s Translation Dictionary of Everyday Lies, Insults, Manipulations, and Clueless Comments Jane Smith is a character in A Philosopher, A Psychologist, and An Extraterrestrial Walk into a Chocolate Bar. And she started this. Everyone else is supposed to finish it. Well, add to it. (It’s unlikely it’ll ever be finished.) Bitch! Waa-aa-ah! Case closed. …

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The post Jane Smith’s Translation Dictionary first appeared on Jass Richards.]]>

Jane Smith’s Translation Dictionary

of

Everyday Lies, Insults, Manipulations, and Clueless Comments

Jane Smith is a character in A Philosopher, A Psychologist, and An Extraterrestrial Walk into a Chocolate Bar. And she started this. Everyone else is supposed to finish it. Well, add to it. (It’s unlikely it’ll ever be finished.)

Bitch!

  1. Waa-aa-ah!

Case closed.

  1. I’m losing.

Don’t be so judgmental!

  1. Don’t judge me, just let me get away with—everything.

Don’t be so sensitive!

  1. I want to believe that my actions have no effect whatsoever on anyone.
  2. Don’t reveal by comparison what a dull-headed emotionally-challenged thug I am.

Don’t do anything stupid.

  1. Don’t do anything to change the status quo. Because I am benefiting from the status quo.

Don’t talk to me like that!

  1. Waa-aa-ah!

I have a right to …

  1. I want to …

We were just having fun.

  1. We didn’t think it through.
  2. We don’t want to be held responsible for it.

What do you want me to say?

  1. What lie will work here?

When making additions, for ease of reading, please use the format used for previous entries.

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The post Jane Smith’s Translation Dictionary first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> https://www.jassrichards.com/jane-smiths-translation-dictionary/feed/ 0 1558 Should we fund a mission to Mars? https://www.jassrichards.com/should-we-fund-a-mission-to-mars/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=should-we-fund-a-mission-to-mars https://www.jassrichards.com/should-we-fund-a-mission-to-mars/#respond Wed, 21 Dec 2016 02:44:28 +0000 http://www.jassrichards.com/?p=1418 Should we fund a mission to Mars? Sure.  Give us a bit of time and we can make that planet uninhabitable too.

The post Should we fund a mission to Mars? first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> Should we fund a mission to Mars?

Sure.  Give us a bit of time and we can make that planet uninhabitable too.

The post Should we fund a mission to Mars? first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> https://www.jassrichards.com/should-we-fund-a-mission-to-mars/feed/ 0 1418 Revisiting the “We’re too stupid theme”….. https://www.jassrichards.com/revisiting-the-were-too-stupid-theme/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=revisiting-the-were-too-stupid-theme https://www.jassrichards.com/revisiting-the-were-too-stupid-theme/#respond Thu, 16 Jun 2016 01:50:46 +0000 http://www.jassrichards.com/?p=1315 One country, fearing the loss of cheap oil, which happened to be located in another country, dropped bombs on that country, seeming to forget for a moment that oil was, well, flammable. Not to worry.  The other country remembered: fearing the loss of control over their oil, they set fire to it.

The post Revisiting the “We’re too stupid theme”….. first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> One country, fearing the loss of cheap oil, which happened to be located in another country, dropped bombs on that country, seeming to forget for a moment that oil was, well, flammable.

Not to worry.  The other country remembered: fearing the loss of control over their oil, they set fire to it.

The post Revisiting the “We’re too stupid theme”….. first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> https://www.jassrichards.com/revisiting-the-were-too-stupid-theme/feed/ 0 1315 Men who think size matters…. https://www.jassrichards.com/men-who-think-size-matters-2/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=men-who-think-size-matters-2 https://www.jassrichards.com/men-who-think-size-matters-2/#respond Thu, 16 Jun 2016 01:34:46 +0000 http://www.jassrichards.com/?p=1313 Men who think size matters are usually – fat.

The post Men who think size matters…. first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> Men who think size matters are usually – fat.

The post Men who think size matters…. first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> https://www.jassrichards.com/men-who-think-size-matters-2/feed/ 0 1313 revisiting the ‘We’re too stupid to visit’ theme… https://www.jassrichards.com/revisiting-the-were-too-stupid-to-visit-theme/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=revisiting-the-were-too-stupid-to-visit-theme https://www.jassrichards.com/revisiting-the-were-too-stupid-to-visit-theme/#respond Tue, 14 Jun 2016 00:53:39 +0000 http://www.jassrichards.com/?p=1306 One country, fearing the loss of cheap oil, which happened to be located in another country, dropped bombs on that country, seeming to forget for a moment that oil was, well, flammable. Not to worry.  The other country remembered: fearing the loss of control over their oil, they set fire to it.

The post revisiting the ‘We’re too stupid to visit’ theme… first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> One country, fearing the loss of cheap oil, which happened to be located in another country, dropped bombs on that country, seeming to forget for a moment that oil was, well, flammable.

Not to worry.  The other country remembered: fearing the loss of control over their oil, they set fire to it.

The post revisiting the ‘We’re too stupid to visit’ theme… first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> https://www.jassrichards.com/revisiting-the-were-too-stupid-to-visit-theme/feed/ 0 1306 A church group … https://www.jassrichards.com/a-church-group/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=a-church-group https://www.jassrichards.com/a-church-group/#respond Tue, 14 Apr 2015 06:40:36 +0000 http://www.jassrichards.com/?p=1183 A church group at the University of Texas is promoting Christian faith as the best way to avoid abduction by aliens. Well yeah. Any aliens that come here won’t be that stupid. (Then again, any aliens that come here–)

The post A church group … first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> A church group at the University of Texas is promoting Christian faith as the best way to avoid abduction by aliens.

Well yeah. Any aliens that come here won’t be that stupid.

(Then again, any aliens that come here–)

The post A church group … first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> https://www.jassrichards.com/a-church-group/feed/ 0 1183 Investigators of yet another stigmata … https://www.jassrichards.com/investigators-of-yet-another-stigmata/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=investigators-of-yet-another-stigmata https://www.jassrichards.com/investigators-of-yet-another-stigmata/#respond Sat, 08 Nov 2014 05:00:33 +0000 http://www.jassrichards.com/?p=1178 Investigators of yet another stigmata “miracle” discovered that the red stuff seeping from the wounds of a crucified Christ figure was indeed genuine human blood. Wouldn’t that cast doubt – on the ‘son of a god’ thing?

The post Investigators of yet another stigmata … first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> Investigators of yet another stigmata “miracle” discovered that the red stuff seeping from the wounds of a crucified Christ figure was indeed genuine human blood.

Wouldn’t that cast doubt – on the ‘son of a god’ thing?

The post Investigators of yet another stigmata … first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> https://www.jassrichards.com/investigators-of-yet-another-stigmata/feed/ 0 1178 Why did the guardian angel cross the road? https://www.jassrichards.com/why-did-the-guardian-angel-cross-the-road/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=why-did-the-guardian-angel-cross-the-road https://www.jassrichards.com/why-did-the-guardian-angel-cross-the-road/#respond Mon, 18 Aug 2014 03:15:20 +0000 http://www.jassrichards.com/?p=1166 Why did the guardian angel cross the road? To be with his imaginary friend.

The post Why did the guardian angel cross the road? first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> Why did the guardian angel cross the road?

To be with his imaginary friend.

The post Why did the guardian angel cross the road? first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> https://www.jassrichards.com/why-did-the-guardian-angel-cross-the-road/feed/ 0 1166 Men who think size matters … https://www.jassrichards.com/men-who-think-size-matters/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=men-who-think-size-matters https://www.jassrichards.com/men-who-think-size-matters/#respond Tue, 29 Jul 2014 03:04:55 +0000 http://www.jassrichards.com/?p=1159 Men who think size matters are usually – fat.

The post Men who think size matters … first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> Men who think size matters are usually – fat.

The post Men who think size matters … first appeared on Jass Richards.]]> https://www.jassrichards.com/men-who-think-size-matters/feed/ 0 1159