the Jay Agenda

#100: big step

2010-02-03T22:52:00.015-05:00

People ask me how I feel about the fact that I'm moving in with my boyfriend of just over 1 year (since we met) or just over 6 months (since we made it official official).

I know that they'll be some bumps along the way as we get used to having each other around 24/7 especially given that we've spent most of our relationship on opposite ends of the Atlantic. I'm confident however, that those bumps are not insurmountable.

While having someone "invade" your space can be a shock to the system, not having them around to fall asleep next to every night is a shock to MY system dammit! I want him here.

Here to hold.
Here to cook for/with.
Here to watch TV with at night.
Here to nerd out with about technology.
Here to discuss finance.
Here to do chores [notice the lack of 'with']
Here to do random things with absolutely no planning at all (long distance tends to necessitate planning).
Here to cuddle with.
Here to [......]
Here to come home to.
Here to love.
Here to give me advice and share my thoughts with
Here to figure out my path (or agenda?) with

The fact that he has his own little (or maybe big) quirks to get used to kind of pales in comparison really. I know I certainly come with my own little (or maybe big) quirks as well. Everyone does. There will no doubt be times when we both want our space and we will both need to be cognizant of that fact and act accordingly. Open discussion will no doubt be key.

I just cannot imagine him moving here from London and getting his own place. It just seems illogical and inconceivable to me as I know that we'd end up spending so much time together anyways. Not to mention the constant packing overnight clothes and jumping around from his place to my place and vice versa. I want him to be part of my everyday life in a completely seamless manner.

Could it be a mistake? Sure. Every single decision we make every day in life could turn out to be a mistake. From what we get for lunch to where to invest our money. But without risk there is no reward.

So get your butt over here already DT! I want my reward!

Oh and this is my 100th post! w00t!

#99: the American dream

2010-01-15T21:39:00.000-05:00

I've been living here in the USA for almost five years. I received my Masters degree from one of the top schools in this country in 2007 and have been working here in the close to 3 years since then.

It may sound cliched but what prompted me to leave home was the concept of the American dream. A world where I was free. Free to accomplish anything I wanted. I craved big city life. A chance to make my mark on a place larger than just an island the size of a few hundred miles.

Free to be gay and walk down the street holding hands with my boyfriend the way that those characters on Queer As Folk did on TV back when I was in college.

This is my dream accomplished. A great well paying job in a great city. The world at my fingertips. There are few places in the world like New York. I made it here so hopefully this means I can make it anywhere.

But the dream is currently only temporary. I'm but just a visitor craving when I can call this place my permanent home without any qualifiers or expiry date. All in time.

#98: looking back on 2009

2010-01-13T21:54:00.001-05:00

The end of a year is typically greeted by everyone with reflection. Numerous things happenned of note to me during 2009, some that may seem small and insignificant to many but somewhat key to me.

In January 2009 I met my boyfriend in London and then left him when I moved back to NYC at the end of February. A budding relationship cut short after only 8 short weeks.

In March I finally bought furniture of my own including a quite soft bed and even cookware! Owning furniture actually gave me a sense of permanency in terms of where I'll be as I had been moving around quite a bit. Now that I owned stuff, it gave me greater sense of home.

In April I got braces. A decision I don't regret as I look at how far they've come in the past 8 months.

In June I celebrated gay pride in both Pittsburgh and then NYC. My second year in doing so. I also gave in to temptation and finally bought an iPhone after 2 years of lusting after the devices. I also met fellow blogger and good friend Tim in person at last.

In July that boyfriend that I left in London came to visit me and we rekindled what has since then been an amazing relationship even though we still cuurently live on opposite ends of the Atlantic.

In August I celebrated a quarter century of life and was at home in the Caribbean for my birthday for the first time since 2004. I also watched my older sister get married, thereby placing my family's eyes on me being next...

In October I visited my bf and sister in London and met a member of his family for the first time. His sister. I also learned that it was very possible that he could be granted a work transfer enabling him to move to New York City. WooHoo!

In December I took the longest consecutive vacation I have since graduating from grad school in May 2007. 2.5 weeks. Right before my holiday the news I was waiting on came through. My bf would definitely be moving to NYC!! Something that seemed unlikely 6 months ago was now happening and faster than we'd thought possible. Not only that but we decided to move in together!

I spent part of my time on holiday once again in London but this time expanded by going to northern England and meeting my bf's mom and more of his family for the first time. I was actually impressed as my perception of the UK was that there wasn't much going on outside of London. You frequently hear of major US cities besides New York but rarely do you hear of other UK cities apart from London.

I ended 2009 in Paris gazing over a river at the Eiffel Tower with my boyfriend as a dazzling light show engulfed the tower.

For many, 2009 was a bad year but for me I have some incredibly fond memories. Hopefully there is more of this in store in 2010.

#97: top 20 songs obsessions of 2009

2009-12-31T23:59:00.007-05:00

Here are my Top 20 most played songs in 2009 according to iTunes.

Kanye West: Heartless (261 times)
PussyCat Dolls: Jai Ho! (You Are My Destiny) (260 times)
Lady Gaga: Lovegame (246 times)
Black Eyed Peas: Boom Boom Pow (228 times)
T.I. feat. Rihanna: Live Your Life (218 times)
Chelley: Took The Night (217 times)
David Guetta feat. Kelly Rowland: When Love Takes Over (216 times)
David Guetta feat. Akon: Sexy Bitch (203 times)
Britney Spears: If You Seek Amy TIED WITH Major Lazer feat. Nina Sky: Keep It Goin' Louder (185 times)
Black Eyed Peas: Imma Be (179 times)
Thunderheist: Jerk It (174 times)
Scotty Dynamo: Make It Right (167 times)
Sugababes: Get Sexy (164 times)
PussyCat Dolls: Bottle Pop (162 times)
Freemasons feat. Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Heartbreak Made Me A Dancer (154 times)
Black Eyed Peas: Party All The Time TIED WITH Mr Hudson feat. Kanye West: Supernova (152 times)
Britney Spears: Circus (149 times)
Cobra Starship feat. Leighton Meester: Good Girls Go Bad TIED WITH David Guetta feat. Ne-Yo: Choose (148 times)
Jordin Sparks: Battlefield (139 times)
Britney Spears: Mannequin (137 times)

So yeah, there it is. My trend of killing songs over and over again clearly continues. Of course, my iPhone and iPod plays clearly factor into these counts and not just iTunes at home.

List Compiled: January 13, 2010.

#96: incomplete sentences

2009-11-25T10:24:00.001-05:00

It's interesting how over time I've begun to feel less and less connected to my family. Don't get me wrong, I still love them to bits and miss them dearly but I almost feel like they have no clue who I am.

This is mostly my fault of course. I've been hiding a big portion of my life from them because I've been afraid to come out to them.

While I'm (hopefully) defined by much more than my sexuality, in some ways keeping that part of me from them keeps so much more hidden as well.

Going to London/Paris? Sure.
Going to London/Paris with my boyfriend? Not so much.

It's a world of half truths. Incomplete sentences. All because I can't say I'm gay.

#95: tv hours

2009-10-29T11:01:00.002-04:00

16 hours. More than 2 full days of work. That's the amount of hours of television that are recorded on my DVR per week for me to watch.

Frankly it's disturbing when it's all added together like that. Thinking about how much I get paid on a daily basis or the fact that Ive been too lazy to even find 3 hours per week to go to the gym yet I allocate 16 hours of my time to television.

In fact, it's probably much more than that once you include the random times the TV is just on even if one of my 13 must-record TV shows aren't on. I've now cut my must watch shows to 9 from 13. From 16 hours to just 8.

A drop by half.Maybe now I'll find the time to workout....

#94: information overload

2009-10-27T18:05:00.000-04:00

I find my thirst for info overtaking my personal life. It's gotten to the point where it's distracting. All day and during the night I find myself checking Twitter, Facebook, Engadget, WSJ and many of my other favorite haunts to see if anything new has been posted.

Did one of my friends write on my FB wall?
Did Engadget post breaking news about a new mobile phone?
How are my stocks doing compared to an hour ago?
What's trending on Twitter right now?

My thirst is immediate and unending. It's like a drug. My iPhone has only made it worse. The first thing I reach for on mornings is the newfangled device to check email and download the latest articles right from my bed.

Information has even replaced television as 'King of the Hill' on my favorite lazy pastimes.

Is it more useful than TV? Yup. Just as addictive? Definitely. Much more valuable? Infinitely.

Knowledge is power but too much of a good thing can sometimes be bad. I rarely can just watch TV anymore. I tend to have one eye on the remote and another on the MacBook or iPhone. Every advertisement is a chance to reload on data. It's crazy.

At least I'm giving my mind a workout though right?

#93: outlier

2009-09-20T21:58:00.000-04:00

At times I feel like the popular kid on the block. Frequently there are too many things going on that cause me have to favor one event over the other.

At the same time, I'm friends or acquaintances with many but good friends with very few. I suppose that's the norm for most people, but with me each of my close friends seem to be in a different circle. There is no central group where I feel truly assimilated. Instead I feel like an outlier. An outsider even.

I can know everyone I'm out with and still not feel like I belong. It's frustrating. Worse yet, the concept of bringing all of my close friends into a single room causes me to envision nothing but chaos.

They're like oil and water, but then what does that make me? Are my interests and thoughts really so diverse that my friends can each be so different?

#92: I want em too!

2009-09-02T22:23:00.000-04:00

I always thought I'd be the self conscious once I got my braces put on about 4 months ago. So far however, it seems that tons of others are the self conscious ones around me!

Whenever my braces are mentioned in a conversation I've noticed that some people suddenly start talking about issues with their own teeth and how they feel that they may need braces too.

It's as if because people see me trying to improve upon myself that it unleashes some need within them to start examining the small (and in some cases non-existant...to my eye anyways) deficiencies within themselves.

Getting braces was probably one of the best decisions I ever made even if others felt I didn't need them so who am I to say anything.

People just react to them in a way I never anticipated.

#91: milestones

2009-08-31T07:44:00.000-04:00

A few days ago, I reached the last birthday that most people seem to look forward to: 25.

Kids look forward to finally being 10 (double digits), 13 (teenager), 16 (sweet 16), 18 (adult), 21 (US drinking age) and 25 (complete freedom or whatever).

The next major milestone is 30. I suppose I should now be formulating in my head my list of juvenile things to accomplish before 30. How depressing is that?

Now I have to start making lists of things Iwant to do before I reach a certain age instead of being like "I can't wait till I'm x years old."

Plus now the milestones become further and further apart. After 30 is 40, 50, 65 (retirement) and 75.

I feel pretty comfy and proud of all I've done over the past quarter century. Things are getting a bit murkier on the path that is my life now however.

I really have no clue what's next and that's what is most scary. Do I just work for 'the man' (although I'm currently pretty happy with that) until retirement (hopefully early) or are there a few more tricks up my sleeve?

#90: Twitter

2009-08-19T11:06:00.000-04:00

So I've now decided to add a Twitter feed to my blog in order to randomly share thoughts in 160 characters or less with you guys. So feel free to 'follow' thejayagenda. The word follow just sounds so stalkerish doesn't it?

Is blogging even cool anymore? Two years ago most of my friends blogged. Now almost no one I know blogs with any kind of regularity. Even I am guilty of the same until this recent storm of posts which I have unleashed upon the disinterested public.

What's more interesting is that most of my old blogger friends don't Twitter either. However a whole bunch of new friends who never blogged seem to love tweeting. Maybe it's because Twitter involves less mental effort?

Very interesting indeed. At least to me anyways.

#89: homeward bound

2009-08-12T23:58:00.001-04:00

I'm just over 2 weeks away from my annual trek home to the Caribbean. As always just before my trip I start thinking about whether I should use this as an opportunity to come out to my family or more specifically my mom.

I then remember that I'm going home for my sister's wedding and any such announcement would instantly overshadow (and knowing my family probably spoil) her special day/week.

As such, it's probably inapproptiate the same way that it's not recommended to do these things around national holidays such as Christmas. In theory however, times like these are perfect since everyone will be around and you can do it en masse.

Granted, given that this is my sister's wedding, there will be inevitable questions posed about whether I'll be next to tie the knot. My mom will most definitely ask me once again if I have a girlfriend and I will once again need to deflect.

I'll have to do this thing on my own terms (and preferably on my own turf here in the USA). So maybe when my mom comes to visit next year I'll have an announcement for her.

Regardless, I'm looking forward to kicking back, with some sand between my toes, the sun on my face and the beach in the distance. Not to mention some partying.

#88: know your neighbor

2009-08-07T10:44:00.000-04:00

Back home it was pretty common for a person to know their neighbors quite well. I believe something similar also happens in suburbia here in the USA.

So why is it that I've not really gotten to know any of my neighbors in the numerous apartments that I've lived in in Pittsburgh or NYC. One would think that apartment complexes would lead to constant interaction with your neighbors. More so than with people living in houses separated by fences, yards and gardens.

I don't even know how I would begin to interact with and make friends with the other people in my building. More specifically the 3 guys on the ground floor with the awesome back deck who I spotted on Tuesday night from my window chilling outside drinking mimosas. They seem like my kind of people.

#87: the commuter dance

2009-08-06T10:50:00.000-04:00

Commuting is an art in New York. Any trek through Penn Station or Grand Central at rush hour shows just how New Yorkers have perfected their craft. Their ability to move extremely quickly while navigating a maze of people attacking from all directions without crashing into anyone is impressive.

I'd even go as far as to say that the slow moving people (clearly tourists) are not only the bane of New Yorkers but also the cause of the occasional faults in this twice daily dance.

Every day, for a second I am amazed by the speed at which everyone moves. That is, until I jump right in and join the race to my destination just like all of the other cogs in the wheel.

#86: corporate GBLT networking event

2009-08-04T20:46:00.002-04:00

I finally did it. I RSVPed for my first gay social event at work. This opportunity has presented itself numerous times before only for me to either already have plans or chicken out because I didn't have anyone else to go with.

I'm still a bit freaked out about it but I do think it's time that I started to network a bit more within my company, plus the event actually sounds like a lot of fun.

Going to an event is of course different than coming out to a select group of people at work (which I've yet to do apart from the colleagues I worked with on my London assignment and one person here in NYC). It puts me completely out there to many people I've never even interacted with before.

Granted numerous things could happen at this event -

I could run into someone I know
I could run into someone who knows someone I know and so forth....

But I figure these networks exist for a reason and I should take advantage of it. I'm excited (and still freaked). But hey, maybe I'll meet some cool people.

#85: the jamba experience

2009-08-02T22:45:00.002-04:00

Coffee is more than just caffeine. It's a social experience. Meeting people for coffee can be akin to going outside for a smoke break (I don't smoke btw). It provides the ability to catch up with someone quickly while not devoting a whole lunch or dinner. I personally love my coffee but I've now discovered another love: JAMBA JUICE.

I was having a discussion with one of my friends about this. He stated that Jamba Juice isn't really a social thing and that it's more of an on the go "post gym" thing. Comparing your typical JJ location to a Starbucks he is probably right. There are no seats or tables in a jamba juice. It's like they want and expect you to leave.

I do think it'd be interesting if seats were placed in a JJ. Would gay men flock there and consume their fruit smoothie (with added protein of course) while they gabbed with their friends about the latest happennings in their life?

Who knows?

But I can tell you that my friend and I were discussing this while drinking Jamba Juice.

#84: the obligatory gym post

2009-07-30T11:21:00.000-04:00

Well hmm. It feels like time for the obligatory "I'm a gay man and as such I need to start back working out" post. In all honesty it's been months since I've put any real effort into my workouts and somehow right now "I ain't bothered."

My head isn't caught in the sand. I know that I'll soon be running back to ensure I'm in shape for my trip back home to the Caribbean next month.Caribbean = beaches.

For now however, I'm quite happy missing gym to do impromptu happy hours or even just going home, kicking back and watching tv. Any gay men got an issue with that?

This is where having a fast metabolism actually comes in handy.

#83: in a heartbeat

2009-07-27T21:29:00.000-04:00

Twice I've said goodbye to him within the past 6 months. The joy of spending time with DT cut short way too soon. Each time due to us living on opposite sides of the Atlantic.

Cooking together, exploring an amazing city, going out, staying in, every moment where an unstoppable clock counted down to us being apart.

Twice...and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Over and over again. Completely worth it.

When that that clock reached 0 today, a new clock began. A countdown until I next see him again. The excitement building.

This most recent time together even more special because of 3 short words with such immense meaning: I LOVE YOU.

#82: timing is everything

2009-07-23T07:23:00.000-04:00

I was in my shower this morning when I realized (again) that DT and I were both living in NYC during the last few months of 2007 but it took him returning to London and me working in London for a few months for our own mini worlds to cross.

I wonder if I had ever walked right past him without knowing. Without having the slightest idea that just over a year later that we'd be as connected to each other as we were while I was in London and even now.

What would have happened if we had met back then? Probably nothing as he was dating someone at the time and we were probably both a bit different back then; would we even have been friends?

This takes me to my main point:-

Timing is everything. It's the difference between a stranger and a lifelong friend, between the same and a lover and the main thing guiding our experiences in life.

#81: DT is here

2009-07-22T07:41:00.002-04:00

As promised this post is indeed about DT finally being on this side of the Atlantic even if only for a few short days. His trip is about halfway over and I feel like it's ending way too quickly and I'm almost already missing him and he hasn't even left yet.

That being said I have been having one hell of a good time exploring the city from his viewpoint.
He actually used to live here so he's opened my eyes to new places. New places to eat, hang and even parts of the city that I never before gave paid much attention to (like 10th Avenue).

I've been looking forward to this trip for quite some time and I've not been disappointed in the least at least until he inevitbly leaves that is. I'll deal with that when the time comes around however. Until then I will just do my best to enjoy the time he is here.

#80: a post about posts

2009-07-21T11:47:00.000-04:00

I've let the fact that I've had multiple people visiting me for the past few weeks (and this is actually set to continue) prevent me from allocating much time to this blog. It's bad I know and thanks to those who asked if I was still around. I am indeed!

Also, many times (and always at the most random moments) entire blog entries have been crafted in my head, only to be forgotten by the time I sit down to write anything. Given that I now have e-mail access on the go with a nifty new smartphone I've decided to begin typing posts as they come to me wherever I am.

This could be on the subway on my way to/from work, during lunch or even just walking down the street. Hopefully this will lead to less "forgotten" posts because a few of the ones that came to me and are now long gone seemed like really good ones.

Anyways this is a post about doing more posts so best to keep out short. It's probably already too long. Being succinct was never my strong suit. :)

My next post will no doubt be about a certain DT currently visiting me from London :)

#79: indifference

2009-06-29T20:09:00.000-04:00

I've been granted so many opportunities and it feels like the world is mine for the taking if I can only muster up the energy to go after it. Instead, all I can see to muster up is indifference. It is because of this that I associate this feeling not only with complacency but ungratefulness.

It's like I've forgotten my incredibly modest background. Son of a bus driver and cook, the grad degree, the travel, the NYC apartment and the job that I have are nothing short of a dream come true just 4 short years ago.

I need to do something about this funk and fast because complacency is a sure route to regret.

#78: i gotta feeling..not

2009-06-21T11:26:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was late meeting a friend for coffee and I decided to run to meet him. Normally not a big deal since I'm usually late and I tend to run a lot.

This time however, while running I twisted my left foot. It hurt like hell but I was still walking on it. In fact I did quite a bit of walking on it just fine right after. After coffee I walked quickly (instead of running) to meet some of my friends for dinner as coffee had run over and I was now late for that. Being late really is my M.O.)

Anyways I sit down to dinner for about an hour or so and then when I try to stand up I can't. I literally end up hopping out of the restaurant and having one of my friends take me to the hospital "fast-track" where I had an x-ray done and apparently I sprained my foot but didn't break anything.

Regardless, this city is not meant for those unable to walk. Everything from subway stairs to walk up apartments (I live on the 3rd floor) make me uninterested in leaving my apartment until my foot is healed.

It's funny because before I was leaving home I was grooving to this song "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas which goes "I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night,
that tonight's gonna be a good night" and I was actually in a great mood and feeling like it really WAS gonna be a good night.

Clearly it wasn't....I couldn't help but laugh at this.

PS, If anyone wants to bring me food...... :)

#77: Palm Pre or Apple iPhone?

2009-06-09T00:33:00.005-04:00

I've waited 2 years to get an Apple iPhone. 2 Years!

In 2007, I was in the middle of my contract and refused to pay the $200 Early Termination Fee that Sprint would have charged me to leave so I decided to wait until my contract ran out in 2008.

In 2008, my contract ran out just as the iPhone 3G was announced and I was thinking "Great!"

Then however came word that I'd be working from London for 4-5 months. At this point I figured it made no sense to get a new phone just to not use it (or pay outrageous roaming fees) for 5 months so again I held off.....

I came back from London on Feb 28, 2009 and at this point I figured it made no sense getting one as a new iPhone was surely on it's way in a few months.

Fast forward to today and I was right. There is a "new" iPhone but it's not really THAT new or groundbreaking. It's the equivalent of adding more RAM to your computer. It's good but hardly innovative.

While I lusted for the iPhone for 2 years I never once saw any other phone as a credible competitor. Well until the Palm Pre that is. Every feature I craved on the iPhone plus the ones I didn't even know I wanted was present and accounted for. It even has a full keyboard.

Now both phones are available and I'm at a loss for what to get. I can get the new iPhone 3GS but it's OS is looking a bit tired and lacking some basic things that should be there (like true multitasking instead of lame "push" notifications) or I can get the Pre and be forced to make do with 8GB of memory but have tons of features that seem really innovative and cool.

Not to mention the $150 a year or so more I'd have in my pocket since the Pre has a cheaper monthly plan with more features.

Here comes probably the most disturbing reason I may not get an iPhone. I'm a gadget snob and it seems like EVERYONE already has one (based on the amount I see on the subway anyways) and with the reduced $99 version everyone WILL have one.

What's a boy to do?

#76: what happened?

2009-05-21T19:40:00.000-04:00

What happened to the guy who would come home from work every day, change and head right back out and explore the world around him?
What happened to the person who would go out and enjoy himself anyways if all of his friends were busy and he had to go it alone?
What happened to the dude who would never be comfortable just watching TV on his couch and then heading to bed all week?
What happened to the human who didn't have to hit snooze on his alarm clock 5 times a morning before getting out of bed?
Or who knew that staying up late on a work night for absolutely no reason would inevitably lead to this?
What about the gym rat who loved to go to the gym at least 3 times a week?
What happened to the intellectual who used to finish reading books in a day or two?
What happened to the male who got excited by even the simplest of things like getting on a brand new computerized subway train, seeing his favorite song at #1 on the music charts or who couldn't stop smiling as the plane he was on took off?
What happened to the individual so determined to get what/where he wanted in life that he always put his best foot forward?
In short, what happened to me?