I’m involved in out of sex wedlock

Priceless…

…  it’s not really about you following me, i need to follow you. So shoot me a message so i know your twitter name…

also, what other people / orgs are worth following? I’m not talking about celebrities unless they have good stuff to say about good stuff. I rarely watch tv and i get to a movie about 3x a year, so entertainment peeps won’t do much for me… but pastors, worship leaders, world leaders worth hearing, people of dave ramsey’s ilk (not just finance guys but people that know awesome info about worthwhile stuff), etc…

‘Preciate, yo.

(and i apologize for the silence lately)

Where I’m struggling the most is working out. It’s one of those “chicken/egg” things… i’m not getting much sleep for various reasons so I feel too tired to do much. But I also know if I exercise regularly than the energy will come. I have managed to do several sessions of Push-Up routines. Basically I do three sets of max-out pushups. I’ve seen progress, going from a maxing at 19 (combined in three sets… yes, very pedistrian) to maxing a 25 the last time.

As for what “begins… again”  … Tonight I step back into the realm of Running… or uh, jogging… okay… walking with some jogs mixed in. I enjoy it, though I’ve never done it regularly enough to consider myself a runner. I’ve joined MapMyRun.com and RunnersWorld.com. I’ve mapped out 1mi, 2mi, and 3.1mi routes from my house all in prep for a 5k (which i haven’t picked out yet) in the fall. This time, for at least some of the runs, my 9 year old is coming along side of me. I’m starting with the 1mi today and hoping to run every Monday, Thursday, and Saturday and seeing where it goes from there.

Freedom is an interesting concept especially in America where we clamour and cry for freedom. Freedom to be whoever we want to be, marry who we want to marry, believe what we want to believe, say what we want to say, and do what we want to do. We send our troops to protect our freedom and even to fight for the freedom of others that are not part of our nation.  Of course, unrestricted freedom is not only a pipe-dream, but dangerous. We have our legal guidelines and moral compasses to keep our freedoms in check, yet freedom is one of our most important values.

From a Christian perspective, freedom is even more difficult to explain. Biblically we are told: the truth shall set us free; Christ sets us free; we are free from sin; even that we are called into freedom. Freedom, by its very definition, grants permission to live as we choose to live with no restraints. And yet, biblically we are also called to surrender our lives into slavery as slaves of righteousness, obedience, God, and even a slave to all.

Unfortunately sometimes the tension between our God-given freedom and God-ordained slavery causes us to slip into spiritual ambiguity. The extremes of these perhaps show themselves through legalism/judgmentalism and the abuse of grace by living with no regards to God’s purpose for our life. If you are anything like me you waver between the two and find it difficult to resolve the tension. While I do believe our Christian sub-culture has for the most part moved beyond legalism, we still beat ourselves up for our failures and hold the Law over our own hearts when we struggle to live up to what we deem as righteousness. Yet, on the other side, we often water down our own pursuit of personal discipleship and allow our personal whims to guide our lives. The beautiful thing is that Christ does not condemn us as we struggle through this tension. He still works through us and blesses us with His grace. His love for us has nothing to do with if we read our word “enough” or pray “enough” or do “enough”… and, likewise, His love for us remains unshaken even if we pursue our own dreams and desires above His will for our lives.

But there still is this question of Freedom. How can I be free in Christ, yet a slave to Christ? Does my freedom have anything at all to do with my ability to choose a career, what music to listen to, or whether Rated R movies are okay? Does my bond-service to Christ require a certain level action (works), a specific amount of time spent in prayer, or a daily scheduled Bible study? The answer is an emphatic NO! But to overcome the tension, to answer the question of freedom, perhaps we should reevaluate how we define our Freedom in Christ.

I once read (and wish I could remember where in order to give credit) an brief explanation of freedom that has stuck with me and has moved me towards true freedom in Christ. Freedom only exists when it is defined within the confines of the subject’s design. Think about that for a second… A car is only free to operate if it stays within the specific confines of its design. Can an unleaded-fuel car run on diesel? Will a sedan survive long off-roading? Can any of our cars drive through water? It is only when the car is maintained and operated as it was designed that the car is free to be what it is meant to be. Keep the car on paved roads, change the oil regularly, fill up with the right type of fuel, and drive as it was designed to drive, and the car remains free to drive. The examples of this are numerous, even in nature. Can a rose flourish in the Arctic circle? Can a fish survive out side of water? Can animals reproduce with animals outside of their own species?

So then, our freedom in Christ only exists when we operate within the confines of our design. Our design has nothing to do with how often we volunteer at church or how many people we evangelize. It has nothing to do with our choice of dinner, our political affiliation, or whether we enjoy a nice cold beer from time to time. We were designed to fellowship with God. That is it. And since the garden, when Adam stepped outside the confines of our original design, mankind has fought and clawed for freedom every which way he could. God, through Love, sent Christ to reestablish our fellowship with Him, to give us a way to operate within the confines of our original design… to give us Freedom.

And so our Freedom in Christ comes through our fellowship with Him and our slavery to righteousness is an overflow of His Love in our lives that we experience in His fellowship. Neither our freedom nor our bond-service will bring condemnation, only abundant life. So when we struggle with guilt and shame, when we find ourselves saying “I need to ____ more,” when we feel like we aren’t living in His joy,  perhaps we have stepped outside the confines of our design and all we need to do is hang out with God for a bit…

Empty Calories (i.e.-high sugar drinks): On day 9, I was going through Taco Bell for dinner and instinctively ordered a Dr Pepper. Of course I realized it before I got to the window, but allowed my flesh to give in anyway. Strike one... Then, between Monday of this week and yesterday, I was in Biloxi, MS spending time with my brother before he is deployed to Afghanistan on Sunday. This mini-vacation brought several temptations to give into the Dr. Pepper cravings. Long drives (9 hours each way), late nights, and just being on vacation… Tuesday (day 17) at dinner I found a loop hole… Mr. Pibb!! Actually, I know as well as you do that’s not a loop hole, that’s straight up failure and strike two. But overall, I look at two DPs in 21 days as awesome progress.

And yet, sprite has found it’s way back into my life, especially at lunches. It’s only a few less calories than DP and all the experts say clear sodas are better than dark sodas, but it’s still empty calories. If I can do it with DPs, i can do it with all sodas. Today starts that day… no sodas… not even Red Bulls.

Another vice has been sweet tea. I’ve already informed my wife to switch us to unsweet and i’ll take my chances with Sweet’n Low.

Results: Now, then, whats the weight at? What is the fruits of my labor against Dr. Peppers? How much has the sprite and sweet tea slowed down my progress? I dunno, I haven’t weighed since Sunday April 26th.

What I do know is that I’ve only worked out twice since then, which can’t help, and I’ve indulged in foods above and beyond from time to time. I wouldn’t be surprised if I haven’t lost anything… I can make excuses all i want, some are even half-way valid… but even if I’m taking on one challenge at a time, I still need to speed up the process.

Next Step: Other than no sodas and less-or-no sweet tea, it’s time to put my work out plan into effect. I have had a plan in place for over two weeks now, and have done little to implement it. In fact, of the ten scheduled workouts in the last two weeks, I’ve done a whopping two of them… Time to get on the ball.

Videos: I’ve had a couple friends ask when I’m going to post a video… They are still coming, school is wrapping up this semester and it’s been tough to find the time. I have one more heavy homework weekend coming up this weekend, but then I am down to one class and should be able to spend some time having fun documenting all this. In fact, I already know what the next two are going to look like.

Until then, well… i’m still Fat Daddy, but it’s all changing so it’s all good.

I especially like how the Health is beating my head in…

I understand why they are  trying to protect the masses against unknowingly downloading something to their computer, but some of the reasons they flag are pretty lame… like hidden links, even if the link doesn’t necessarily download anything… I have no idea why mine is listed as malicious, but I’ve done what I can and requested a rescan of my site.

Thankfully it doesn’t affect anyone using a reader, so most of you who have embraced web 2.0 are uneffected.

Today starts day five of no Dr. Pepper. Monday (day 2) was actually pretty easy, though I did treat myself to a Red Bull in prep for my Philosophy class. It’s actually only 10 more calories than a DP (though slightly less sugars) and I gotta have something to get me through 4 hours in a classroom. I guess it’s a compromise, but my addiction is just as much to DP as it is to a caffeine/sugar rush. Case In Point: I like the taste of Coke, but you could put one in front of me at my weakest moment and I could take it or leave it.

Tuesday and Wednesday were rough and unfortunately I know it is also wearing on my evenings with the kids. I am a bit quicker to get annoyed and a bit slower to get out of any funk that frustration puts me in. It’s not fair to them, and I’m trying to fight it, but I know my body and attitude will soon adjust. It’s not like I’m trying to kick crack or something, the withdrawal phase isn’t as drawn out or painful, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Today: So far so good. But it’s early and if i have to hear much more about the Hysteria i think i’ll need something much stronger than a Dr. Pepper. People ask “what are you drinking instead?” Well, I already told you about CranRaspberry Juice, I get some of my caffeine need from Tea, at night I’ve chugged some milk (2%),  and mostly during the day I’m sticking with water. I’ve “splurged” twice with the Red Bull and a Sprite, but 2 “sodas” in 5 days is pretty darn good.

Saturday I’ll know if JUST killing DP/Soda is going to be enough to kick start the transformation. Ultimately, it is not enough, and I am already doing a few small things. But I can only mentally handle one massive life change at a time… Trust me, when the addiction runs as deep as this one does, this is enough for week one.

So far… so good.

My morning Dr. Pepper was replaced with CranRaspberry Juice, which is by far my favorite juice morning or otherwise. In fact, when i was younger i used to dip my popcorn in it from time to time. That’s just weird, but nothing goes better with popcorn than CranRaspberry juice ( I just don’t dip it anymore). I digress…

Lunch was a bit of a challenge because we hit up Taco Bueno; Mexican food and Dr. Pepper were created to go hand in hand. But I resisted, and gave my drink to dionna (she originally got DP and graciously switched to IBC). The afternoon was probably the hardest as my tiredness started to take over and I needed a caffiene kick, but at the end of the day I was still Dr. Pepper free.

As far as food goes, I didn’t really pay it much thought, so it certainly wasn’t the healthiest days, but all in all, I am pretty pleased with Day 1.

Centering Prayer: In Prayer as a Place, this is presented as a stand alone prayer with the idea of resting in God’s love like a child would rest in their parents arms. As a meditative prayer, the idea of centering is to help clear your mind of all distractions. It is NOT about clearing your mind completely, but trying to find the mental space to focus only on God’s word for your moment. I have not used this as a stand alone prayer, instead I spend about 5 minutes before all of my different prayers focusing on a phrase that I feel expresses what God is working in my heart at the moment. “You are my strength” is the phrase I used this morning. I cannot stress enough how important these five minutes have been for me. Even though God is using the various following “sessions” to mold and refresh me, these five minutes of centering prayer boost my mental capacity to focus when it matters the most: during the meat of the prayers below.

Daily Walk: While I was thinking through the benefit of creating space for prayer, I was thinking about how important it is to start each day with prayer. I suck at this, honestly, because it’s hard enough for me to get up in the morning (though that seems to be changing lately). Usually my morning prayers take place while getting ready for work. But because I know the importance, I developed a prayer that I am calling the “Daily Walk” as a call back to a discipleship program that I went through as a youth. During the Daily Walk prayer, I look ahead and prayer over each part of the day. The idea is to anticipate the challenge areas of the day, and ask God to reveal opportunities to you. This morning during my Daily Walk prayer, I anticipated the busy first half of the day would put me in a mood that just wants to veg out on my own, so I prayed that during the afternoon at home I would have patience with my daughters. I was right; I’d prefer to be alone right now, but since I’m not, as soon as my ill-disposition started to creep in, God reminded me of my prayer this morning and I’m enjoying something as simple as teaching my daughter the rules of baseball as the Rangers beat up on the Orioles. God is faithful. I personally like to break down my day as logically as possible, regardless of the length of prayer required for any give section. In general, weekend days have large chunks of time, but work days include smaller sections such as “transit to work” and “lunch hour.”

The Examen (or Examine): If the centering prayer is the most important, the Examen has been the most fruitful so far. Based on a prayer life developed by St. Ignatius, the Examen takes a contemplative look back through the events and feelings of the day. There are several applications for this type of prayer (google it), but I am gaining great benefit from Bello’s method. First you mentally walk through your day and ask God to reveal to you the most Life-Draining moment of the day; maybe a moment of frustration, anger, disappointment, or pain. You take this instance and you relive the emotions and circumstances to get a good idea of exactly how you felt and why you reacted the way you did. DO NOT think of ways you shoulda/coulda/woulda changed the situation… just relive it. Then ask God to reveal to you WHY it was so life-draining and also ask for guidance and transformation so that you might handle the situation differently (if applicable). For the second part of the Examen, you want to do the same thing, except focus on the most Life-Affirming moment of the day. God has given me so much insight to my personality and has also revealed some new practices to implement in my life. The concept sounds pretty basic, but you might be surprised at when God was working in your life through out the day.

Progressive-Reflective Player: Along with the Daily Walk, this is the other type that isn’t in Bello’s book. I call this Progressive-Reflective because it is more of a look forward. It is a focused prayer asking for clarity on a specific situation that I know is forth-coming. It is reflective in the sense that I understand that I will have to face the situation and so I can reflect on the possible choices and similar situations in the past.  This is obviously a pretty common type of prayer for most people, but by adding the centering prayer at the beginning of the prayer session I have found much more clarity and less distractions than I normally have during these types of prayers.

Many of us are great at the “pray without ceasing” thing… we pray conversationally with God throughout the day, thanking Him periodically for something positive or expressing a quick prayer for strength and guidance in a tough situation. But I know that before I started creating this space to spend quality time with God, my prayer life was active, but not very deep. By just creating space and using that space in a focused manner over the last three weeks, God has shown Himself faithful in a “every moment of every day” kind of way. I encourage all of you to create space, center yourself, and spend some quality time wtih God…