(Hook):
They say YOLO, but y’all don’t really know tho
life goes on, l’ll paint a picture no photo
If you only live once then that means you die twice

Just take a minute to examine the man in the magazine who adamantly acts as if he is a masterpiece
Ask if he can actually fathom the faculties and happenings of half the things that happen in the plans of He
Who crafted Adam and Eve and rational beings who passionately ask him to leave and latch on to things that distract and deceive
lifestyle’s as wack as can be and when I tell ‘em about it they get emphatically mad at me actually
it’s a hard pill to swallow, but God’s in control, and there’s always still tomorrow…
but wait, maybe there won’t be tomorrow
I’m moping in sorrow cause this hard road only gets harder for ‘em
’cause pain leads only to slaughter
life’s a —– then you die, and that’s only the start of the horror that awaits those who won’t be caught up
‘cause they chose to stay caught up in the sin they could’ve been bought up from
man if only they’d call Him, but they chase their precious to the flames, Gollum
but Jesus Christ rose (rows), no column, put death in its grave and He saves, so please don’t withdraw Him

“To an End,” a lead single from JayLafé’s debut album Dream Shift, explores depression and suicide from a firsthand perspective and offers hope through the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  The video was directed by Dave Dawkins (with additional direction/filming by Jin Lee) and was edited by Patrick Mix for Writeous Ink Media.  “To an End” was produced by Grammy-nominated producer Tony Stone.

LYRICS:
I’m not about to rap a verse, I’ma give you real life
lemme ask, do you know what depression feels like?
because I know what it’s like saying “It’ll be alright”
when you really don’t know if it’ll be alright
when all these situations have hit you
and facing your issues just gets you anxious
you just run away from everything and shut yourself off
sealed tight ’til you can’t see light
and nothing ever feels right
you know how that feels, right?
You just can’t fit in and you start to realize
that no matter what you do you will never be liked
and of course that hurts, kinda makes you feel useless
so you escape into a movie or some music
nobody seems to get it and you can’t forget it
your issue is killing you and you just might let it
to your credit, you’ve been begging for help
but it seems you have no voice
so now it seems you have no choice
to put it to an end

(chorus)

Don’t end it now, even in the pain
You don’t have to do this, it’s not the only way
He’s got a plan, just rest like a baby in the Savior’s arms

I remember when I just couldn’t take it
I felt forsaken, my heart was vacant, and I was achin’
tried to look like I had it together but I was fakin’
I put on a happy face but inside I was breakin’
that night, I lay in bed and cried from all the pain stacked
I was longing for the hope I thought I couldn’t gain back
so I thought that I should die, as if it was a plain fact
I got up and started headin’ straight for the train tracks
heart throbbin’, I was sobbin’, felt confused
and like I didn’t have a purpose
I just felt like a nuisance
felt less of a human, felt like I didn’t have true friends
I walked that lonely death path
I could see my breath pass in the cold night, looked at the stars one last time
frozen in the moonlight, looked up and asked why
tears of ice, I cried for what I thought was the last time
then the Holy Spirit came and started letting the truth in

(chorus)

If you’re going through depression, if you’re going through pain
If you don’t think you’ll ever see the daylight again
if you think you’re worth nothing because you don’t fit in
brother or sister, I feel you, I’ve been where you’ve been
I’ve walked in your shoes, I’ve felt broken apart
I’ve cried myself to sleep, couldn’t dream of a fresh start
but I’m telling you if your life’s a wreck, child
the first things is you and God need to be reconciled
that’s why I gave my life to Christ, His blood makes me pure
so that I can be with the Father, forever and ever more
I’m made right with God, my sins have been cleansed
my identity is in the fact that God and I are now friends
He’s a very present help in my times of trouble
His Spirit, His Word, His church help me when I crumble
so when I’m broken down, I remember
I’m a baby in His arms, and I will live with Him forever!

For my debut album I wanted one of my songs to discuss homosexuality.  I felt like I had to.  Arguably the most polarizing political issue among Christians and the blazing core of a likely civil rights movement over the next few decades, I felt it wasn’t being discussed enough in Christian hip hop.  So, I went after it and thought long and hard.  However, being that my instincts are to hit people over the head with proposition after proposition, I wanted to take a different approach in the songwriting process.  I envisioned a fictional character, a boy, and wanted to tell his story.  Ironically, this story has probably occurred, and the truth presented (that truth of the delicate tensions involved with this issue) is the opposite of fiction.  This should be real to all of us, and perhaps to some it is already more real than you’d like.  Maybe you know an “Eric,” and maybe you are him.  Or her.   

We have to talk more, and here’s how I tried to do so…

(You can listen to and download the song here.)

RAINBOW COLORED SCAR

(hook)

Will you see his (her) soul? Will you see his pain? Will you shine your light? Will you light the way?  Will you speak the truth in love?

The little cruel kids in Eric’s middle school/ made him feel pitiful, miserable, He didn’t fully/ blend in, got teased for being gay/ the things they’d say would sting way after they said ‘em/ they’d replay in his mind each day/ “You’ve got HIV and AIDS!”/ the mean names melted into a numbing pain/ it always seemed strange,  he couldn’t like girls the way guys did/ his eyes didn’t follow when a girl passed by/ didn’t like it/ he asked, “God why did you make me like this? I don’t like this”/ felt like God spited him, he cried himself into a world inside his eyelids/ where he felt safe, and he could dream where his desires led/ tantalized, he fantasized/ looked at the guys passing by/ never understanding why it got him so excited/ it just did, and he just didn’t want to keep his lust hidden/ discussed it in PE, the kids were all disgusted/ and treated him rough, beat him up/ they said they’d seen enough/ kicked over a trash can and forced Eric to clean it up/ they bullied him; teachers looked the other way/ principal said she’d deal with it another day/ he was just another gay kid no one knew how to handle/ Eric was a handful crammed full of issues/ wishin for the love no one had for him/ waiting for a person to explain/ God’s love and any way that he could change/ but that person never came

(hook)

He started searchin’ for love from his church friends/ lookin’ for encouragement, wasn’t really sure if it would happen/ but it was worth a shot/ started goin’ to church a lot/ hoping that someone would care, he would share personal thoughts/ told them he was gay, and they seemed uncomfortable/ they were still nice, but they really didn’t know what to do/ they’d never really thought about how to love a person like him/ they took one of three stances: 1. They’d give mean glances/ totally hate Eric, or 2. They’d do the opposite/ they’d say being gay’s OK and they’d give props to it/ or 3. They’d try to ignore it and act like it wasn’t important/ hadn’t sorted it out/ they weren’t against it or for it/ and none of these responses ever helped Eric one bit/ he found acceptance in the group, but never grew from it/ never heard the Gospel, never heard about hope in Christ/ cut by his sin and by their slacking, the wound got opened twice/ the seeds of bitterness were sown, he couldn’t get rid of it/ lost in his confusion, he’d just sit in it/ thought he’d never find any alternative/ to his alternative lifestyle/ so he just embraced it with a bright smile and lived in it/ then his wound healed up into a rainbow colored scar/ he raised his banner high for all to see like a colorguard/ proudly, loudly out of the closet like a beloved article/ of clothing wearing it, not a hint of embarrassment/ he cherished it, made it his identity/ his centerpiece, his everything/ a bittersweet dream’s wedding ring of no love, just a spiral/ wrapped around his finger/ a poignant embrace that just lingered as he pointed at the world

(hook)

Eric started college filled with frustration/ anger at the church and Christians, just hatred/ fueled by bitterness, he became an advocate/ for gay rights on campus, an avid kid, passionate/ passin’ out flyers, organizing meetings/ speaking for a movement, got people believing him/ and he made sure to curse his upbringing/ his parents and his church got the worst of his mudslinging/ wanted to make an image, so he devised a scheme/ needed a partner to fulfill his desires and dreams/ sexual acts, Eric got promiscuous/ got into some sexual things that messed with his health, developed white spots on the tongue, diarrhea/ swollen lymph nodes, vomiting, it was getting frightening/ he went and got a blood test, filled with unrest/ in the waiting room, awaiting doom, he had one guess/ and his worst fear came true when the nurse shared the news: HIV-positive, he just stared at his shoes/ couldn’t believe it/ she tried to give details/ but he wouldn’t receive it/ Eric went home and cried, screaming, “Why God? Why did you do this to me, I hate you!  You got my life wrong”/ then five months later, he laid there in the hospital bed/ his family all around him, five minutes from death/ they shared the Gospel of Christ and pled with him/ to receive Christ’s blood as he bled within/ and the tears flowed, Eric fell into Christ’s arms/ like a lost child finally home, and said, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, receive me Lord, take me”/ his pulse was fading and his voice was breaking/ he looked into his parents’ eyes, only saw Christ’s love/ tears flowing as the whole room seemed to light up/ then his life slipped as his family held him/ and the angels were all cheering in Glory as they welcomed him in

(hook)
(voice sample): “step by step”
(voice 1): “Man, I just can’t feel like I could be a light in real life that He’ll like”

(voice 2): “See, that’s Satan’s influence communicatin’ in fluent language of Sin through it waitin’ for you to sin through it”

(voice 1): “Yeah, but where’s God’s sanctification? I’m anxiously waitin’ for changes He’s makin’!

(voice 2): “Just be patient and take it one step at a time; remember God loves you more than Satan can hate you, homie, you’re gonna make it, yep…”

(Verse 1)
fine whatever… maybe I won’t even try to question the right direction
since God writes directions that might correct sin for my life’s protection;
I might just guess and say that’s righteousness then…
and I won’t go solo down my own road
oh no, we both know where that road goes
but my soul chose your road, Lord
I’m close to goin’ but I won’t go alone, solo
Lord I wanna go with U2 like Bono
someone give me a new map
Jesus, can You do that? I’ll move back
and watch you make a new path
the same one that You had
I wanna be like You, Dad!
that’s the new fad
but too bad
I’m too bad
don’t think I could go through that…
but You’ve got love for me and come for me
and comfort me through all that You’ve done for me
plus I’m being sanctified and I can’t deny
I can’t wait to try to take the right
way but I’m wastin’ time!
Step by step…

(bridge)
I ain’t tossed around
’cause I ain’t lost my ground
take it one step at a time
and I ain’t gonna step outta line, it’s just…

(chorus)

(verse 2)
I’ve got the gospel feet
and I only go with God’s believers
and the Holy Ghost up on that
straight and narrow and You hold me close
You’ll never let me go You told me so… uh oh…
when my circumstances my work and plans, just fall through
that hurt demands just this certain panic
to call you
and at first I see adversity as an emergency
but in Your word I see you’re purposely
workin and it’s worth it, see
I know if You’re walkin’ with me left to right
there won’t be anything left to write
except the right directions
on “How To Live a Life With Less Sin!”
’cause we only have righteousness in
sight!
then I’ll be one step closer to my final destination
this time’s a test of patience take it step by step
and Satan’s never gonna change the dream
’cause my Savior who paid for me
makes more sense (cents) than change machines
Step by step

(bridge)
(chorus)

walkin’ in Sovereignty
it’s just the Father and me
and He’s offerin’ free
life He bought for a fee
because He saw that we need
all of a call to believe
so He authored a thesis
hope you bother to read this
its just a paragraph there in Matthew 7
about a narrow path, a path to Heaven
and when we’re there at last
we’ll just be starin’ back
“Remember the steps?”
“Yep! But there’s only one set of footprints
there and back…”