I can’t recall the details (no, seriously!), but my $183.75 email receipt, which included the $8.75 “convenience fee” allowing me to pay online with a credit card, says it was less than 25 miles per hour over the limit.

Before getting that ticket, I had plenty of warnings about my speed; I was overdue for one, in all honesty.

I hadn’t paid much attention to speed limit signs before that point, and I had road rage. Shameful (and dangerous)!

But getting that ticket did two things for me:

1. It stressed the need to slow down and pay attention to the signs.
2. It reminded me how much I hate paying for nothing in return.

Why am I telling you about a two-year-old speeding ticket?

Two reasons:

1. I’m making good on my desire to publish something here every week, but this week was a challenge.
2. I’ll connect the dots and tell you all about it in a future entry.

Such is the case when you no longer blog daily, but who has time for that?

All jokes aside, I fully intend to commit to publishing something here at least once a week, so that should help until I take another hiatus. LOL

I hope you and yours are well and staying safe.

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since the COVID-19 pandemic began.

I am very happy that I have successfully managed to avoid covid for a year but I am also exhausted from trying to avoid covid for a year

— Ma$on (@FirstGentleman) February 8, 2021

It somehow feels both shorter and longer than that.

My maternal grandmother died on January 9.

Grandma Doris was 87 years old and one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. She tested positive for the coronavirus before Thanksgiving, and it did a number on her.

At first, her doctor thought a heart attack had occurred at one point, but that wasn’t the case.

She had a kidney transplant over 30 years ago, and her kidney function decreased drastically following her COVID diagnosis.

Even after she tested negative, she still didn’t have much of an appetite and started having conversations with her mother, who died when she was a child, and her husband of 67 years, who died a few years ago.

I knew it wouldn’t be long, so I tried to prepare myself.

I’m not sure whether I did a good job.

We held a graveside service for her, and my immediate family stayed in our vehicles. There are quite a few immunocompromised individuals in the family, and Grandma Doris would not have wanted us to put ourselves at even greater risk.

I came across something a few days ago that said to “take the bouquet off my casket at my funeral and throw it in the crowd to see who’s next.” I think Grandma would have gotten a kick out of that.

Oh, she was something else.

We called her Annie Oakley because her shooting skills were top-notch, as was her cooking.

Buttered rice and homemade biscuits will always be a favorite meal, although I don’t partake much since my Type 1 diabetes diagnosis.

Summers with my grandparents as a child are among my most cherished memories, and I’m so grateful for them for the time they made for and spent with my brother and me.

When I began baking cakes, I looked forward to giving them to my grandparents as birthday gifts, and Grandpa SJ, who would previously always say he didn’t eat a man’s cooking, looked forward to, loved eating, and bragged about the cake his grandson prepared.

I miss them both so much.

I am so much of who I am rooted in the character traits they helped instill in me as a child, like respect, both for myself and for others, honor, and integrity.

I’ll continue to live in a way that would make them proud.

I say I’m not sure about my preparation because it feels like I’ve been grieving for a while now, even before Grandma died.

I’ve been thinking about everything going on in the world, and, quite simply, it’s A LOT.

I don’t want to belabor that point, but one thing that grounds me is knowing I’m still here.

I recently stumbled upon a Tumblr post that caught my attention:

I don't think suicidal people get enough credit for not acting on their suicidal thoughts.

This post is for all of you who have survived the urge to end your life, either coming out the other side or still fighting to stay alive.

I noticed how when someone has a physical illness such as cancer, and they come out the other side or even remission, they are able to celebrate surviving. I think all of the survivors of being suicidal should too.

Congratulations, and keep on fighting.

Regardless of what’s going on and everything I’m dealing with, I’m so grateful to be here.

When someone asks how I’m doing these days, my response typically involves mentioning “I can’t complain” because I honestly can’t.

I’ve spent a lot of time focused on becoming the best version of me I can, investing in myself — health (mental and physical) as well as wealth — and others.

Life is about personal mastery. Who can you become? And how many people can you help?

Robin Sharma, The World Changer’s Manifesto

I’ll detail how I’ve kept occupied and leveling up in future entries, but how are you?

That boy is now a grown man with responsibilities. So the time and energy I’m able to devote to this haven’t always come as easily as they once did.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t.

Writing is and has always been my preferred method of communication. While I’ve never consistently maintained a handwritten journal, I have a digital one that spans years, and I’ve been sharing my thoughts online (albeit intermittently) for decades.

My coach said to me a long time ago, “If you don’t challenge yourself, you’ll always stay right where you are.”

So, I’m challenging myself by committing to publishing an entry here regularly. I know it will require discipline, but anything that matters usually does.

The thing is that I can’t complain.

I’m in the best shape of my life thus far and improving each day.

My beard is flourishing, albeit with a few streaks of gray making an appearance.

I’ve been killing it at work so much that I earned two awards in as many months and recognition that my organization couldn’t succeed or even function without me.

Life is good, except when it isn’t.

I’m mad, sad, and tired.

It’s been hard to carry on with business as usual, despite my work’s nature and value.

I’ve lost track of time. How did we reach the middle of December already?!

We’ve lost so many people around the world to the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic.

Millions have lost their jobs since the pandemic began, which has led to people desperate for food.

I could rant about income inequality, but today is not the day.

No, today I’m thinking about words the amazing Melissa Kimble, the founder of #blkcreatives, shared earlier this year: “You won’t be of any good to your mission or the people you tend to if you’re not good to yourself, first.”

I’m coping well with this “new normal,” thriving, in many respects. But what about those who have such a hard time right now?

I’m doing what I can to help; I wish I could do more.

But I’m reminded that I can’t save the world.

I wish everyone around the world could stop for at least a day to mourn those we’ve lost, reflect on how things have changed, and somehow figure out whatever they need to do to carry on.

I feel like I’ve been doing all of that and more while keeping a straight face to get the job done, so I’m taking a break.

I’m currently reading How to Relax: Stop Being Busy, Take a Break and Get Better Results While Doing Less, and it’s not as if there’s anything in it I didn’t already know. I’ve highlighted a few passages that are great reminders, though, and anything I’m not doing that will enhance my wellbeing, I intend to start.

As Adele said, “It’s so typical of me to talk about myself; I’m sorry. I hope that you’re well.”

How are you staying sane amid the chaos? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section, and we can compare notes when I return!

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Fiscal year-end is always busy, but this year forced me to Oliver Pope like never before while trying to find a balance.

That required another break from the web, but, as Jewel mentioned to me this summer, it offered an opportunity to gain clarity and help me be more effective.

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I thrive on executing well in all areas, so the kind words from my organization confirmed I had delivered: “Thank you for your patience, professionalism, willingness to help, great attitude, and expertise. We would not be able to get our job done without you.”

When a mentor called on a Monday morning in August or September to tell me about a promotion opportunity, I didn’t have much time to think about whether I wanted to apply since the application had to be submitted by that Friday. I felt obligated to apply to show gratitude for the notice, so I updated my resume and completed the application.

A few weeks later, I received an email to schedule a phone interview for the position.

Just before the interview began, a colleague called me with a work-related issue. I asked them to email me so I could investigate later. The interview began, and the three interviewers informed me they would each ask one question. That seemed easy enough. But I was thinking about how to resolve the problem from the phone conversation with my colleague when the first interviewer asked my first question, and it was at that moment I realized, “I’m not ready for this.”

I told my interviewers, “I’m not ready for this.”

They thought I meant the interview, but I let them know I wasn’t ready for that position.

When I said, “I’m not ready for this,” I meant it. But it wasn’t an inability to do the job. I’ve done that job in some respects, and I have no desire to do it even if it comes with a bigger paycheck.

What I do challenges me daily, and my days are never the same; I love that! I always remark, “Never a dull moment.” Some might consider that to be a snide comment, but I express my excitement in my days’ non-routine nature.

The promotion would have returned me to routine work. I wasn’t ready for that.

But it would be best if you didn’t think the time away was all about work, work, work, work, work, work.

I’ve spent a lot of time in prayer and meditation, talking and listening to God. That has been the foundation that enables me to do everything else amid a world in chaos.

When Randall said, “I’m not falling apart. I’m not having a breakdown. I’m just really, really sad,” in the Season 5 premiere of This Is Us, I felt that.

COVID-19 infections continue to rise, and the coronavirus has claimed the lives of over 240,000 in the United States, hitting Black and Indigenous Americans the hardest, according to the American Public Media (APM) Research Lab.

Most individuals consider law enforcement officers’ role to protect and serve their communities’ citizens. Still, I can’t help but think of the 897 people police have killed this year, based on Mapping Police Violence data.

Black people are most likely to be killed by police, but the response to such acts differs greatly.

I’m a Black man, and I don’t want the police (or anyone for that matter) to kill anyone.

I want to think the majority of people are like me in that regard. However, some Black people scream outrage if police kill a Black person but are silent on the issue when a Black person kills another Black person. In my view, any killing, regardless of who did it, warrants the same outrage. A certain equivalence to humanity should exist.

Years ago, I wrote about Derrion Albert. Derrion was a 16-year-old honors student walking home from school on September 24, 2009, when he was beaten to death after a street fight broke out between two gangs. His killing was caught on tape.

I watched the footage, and it has stayed with me to this day.

I haven’t watched anything else like it since.

In the ABC News article “How Viral Videos of Killings of Black Men Take a Toll on Black Male Mental Health,” author and psychotherapist Rwenshaun Miller remarked, “It hurts, but then also you’re feeling anger, and then you have a feeling of helplessness, because, what can we do?”

When I ponder the topic, part of me feels like I’ve been using work to distract myself.

Then I wonder whether that’s a good coping mechanism.

I don’t think we really understand the weight of asking Black people to go about business as normal when we know the world does not give a fuck about us. https://t.co/UyjROVYxdc

— Grandma’s Cutlass (@Marika_Writes_) August 27, 2020

It’s hard to see so much death, illness, and uncertainty without feeling overwhelmed at times.

If you don’t take time away from the world around you, you’re going to get pulled down by the world around you.

— Erwin McManus

That’s why it’s so important to find joy where you can.

I knew there was a reason I hadn’t yet watched Beyoncé’s latest music video.

So after reading former NFL player Brian’s Urlacher’s thoughts on the NBA players’ protest following the police shooting of Jacob Blake, for a few minutes, I was able to bask in Black beauty and focus on only that.

Again, I’m not oblivious to what’s going on in the world. I’ve spent years writing and editing news stories about pain and tragedy. But everyone has their limits. As Cal Newport wrote, “You cannot exist in a persistent state of agitated distraction.”

There is so much going on that it sometimes seems to be too much.

In addition to meditating, praying, and working, I’ve also been reading.

I begin each day with the Bible and refer to it throughout the day with the wonderful YouVersion app and the Bible.com website. My faith drives everything I do, so reading God’s word is my foundation.

I also read books and online articles of interest.

So far this year, I’ve read a few diabetes-related books, including Mastering Diabetes, Bright Spots and Landmines, and Tested: How Top Achievers With Diabetes Have Succeeded and the Lessons You Can Use To Get Your Best Results.

I finally finished The Da Vinci Code and The Lincoln Lawyer, two books whose film adaptations I enjoyed.

Personal finance books like Kicking Financial Ass and Mud 2 Millions have helped inspire me to get serious about money management.

I’ve appreciated a few other recently read books: Luther: The Life and Longing of Luther Vandross, Robin Sharma’s The World-Changer’s Manifesto, Can’t Hurt Me, The Almanack of Naval Ravikant, and Take It Back.

I’m currently re-reading two favorites: The Alchemist and When Breath Becomes Air.

I’ve also continued to add to my never-ending to-read list and begun to use The StoryGraph.

I stopped rating books and deleted my previous ones years ago, so Goodreads fails to provide solid recommendations any longer. Instead, I rely on what my friends are reading or want to read to find suggestions. That’s not the case with The StoryGraph; I don’t have to rate to receive recommendations. Plus, the stats are more advanced and beneficial than what Goodreads provides. I currently use both Goodreads and The StoryGraph, but I’m excited about everything The StoryGraph’s founder Nadia Odunayo and her team are doing to help track reading.

Speaking of tracking, I’ve been consistently working out and am on my longest daily Move streak (over 150 days and counting). I’m up to 8-mile runs for #SundayRunday in addition to bodyweight training, which greatly impacts both my mental and physical well-being. I love lacing my running shoes and hitting the road, but I’ll also hop on the treadmill so I can read or watch something while exercising. As a person with type 1 diabetes, my blood sugar levels could vary for myriad reasons, but exercise helps lower them and increases insulin sensitivity.

In all seriousness, this time has been an opportunity for reflection. Each day I’m able to awaken, thank God for allowing me to see another day, do meaningful and purposeful work, and have a good time with those around me is a blessing.

I’m not saying that to imply life has been nothing but wonderful for me; I’m reminding myself that life is wonderful, regardless of its ups and downs.

There is no plan. I’m just riding the waves. In the words of Kendrick, “But if God got us, then we gon’ be alright.”

I spent a few weeks out of the office, which allowed me to reflect on how I could achieve balance when I returned to work.

My staycation didn’t start with that goal in mind.

It wasn’t until near the end of it that I realized I needed to make a change.

Of the nearly three weeks away from work, I spent no more than three hours collaborating or communicating with someone regarding something that couldn’t wait until I returned. I’d say that’s pretty good considering I invited the opportunity by mentioning, “Please feel free to text me for any emergencies that can’t wait until I return,” in my out of office message.

The realization came last Monday when, during a scheduled appointment with my optometrist, I considered wearing one of my wireless Bluetooth earbuds so I could participate in a conference call despite knowing my proxy would be on the call. (I now see my eye doctor every six months for testing since diabetes can increase the risk of glaucoma and cataracts. Uncontrolled blood sugar could also result in diabetic retinopathy.)

That’s when it hit me.

When I’m on, I’m ON. I get things done. Just call me Olivia Oliver Pope.

The issue comes when it’s time to turn things off.

Over the past few months, there have been countless times I’ve caught myself thinking of work when I’m not working. I recalled lying in bed awake problem-solving an issue from work. I can’t say that thinking about work prohibited me from sleeping in the first place, but it’s certainly possible. I could also have been using work to distract myself from everything else going on.

I didn’t consider it too much of a problem until I thought about words I’d read a few days prior by Jewel Wicker, one of my old friends and favorite writers.

She had tweeted:

I went back to enacting my work hours this week after weeks of overworking and now here I am eating a fried mushroom burger and listening to Selena Gomez. We love to see it.

— Jewel Wicker (@jewelwickershow) July 8, 2020

It’s essential!

— Jewel Wicker (@jewelwickershow) July 8, 2020

“Gotta have balance,” huh?

I didn’t, but I took it as a sign that maybe I needed to find it when Jewel replied, “It’s essential!”

The following day, when she published her latest newsletter post, that feeling was further confirmed as she detailed how setting boundaries had significantly impacted her.

When I considered joining the conference call, Jewel’s words came to my remembrance, and I opted not to do so.

Instead, after my appointment (no issues during the exam, by the way), I went for a drive, mellowed out to Pink Floyd, and published this short, 50-word entry, “Time.” (Following the massive post detailing my hiatuses, brevity seemed only fair.)

I also reflected on Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

— Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There’s a time to work, and a time to rest:

You can only go, go, go for so long. It’s simply not sustainable. Eventually, that way of living and working will lead to burnout. So work hard but also be able to recognize when it’s time to rest.

— J. Dakar (@mrjdakar) July 14, 2020

When I returned to work on Thursday, I had over 400 unread emails. In the past, I would have spent a few days slowly clearing my inbox while tackling current issues, but this time I figured it would be best to empty it as much as possible and then deal with pressing matters.

I used the Pomodoro Technique to delete, file, and send a quick response to as much as I could. Before noon, I had emptied my inbox with 40-something emails left that required more action or deep thought. I was able to spend the afternoon on the pressing matters, and when quitting time rolled around at 5, I logged off for the day, prepared dinner, and didn’t think about work again until Friday morning.

The notion of work-life balance is a mirage. Work supports life, but make no mistake that you can somehow balance all aspects of your life with what you do for a living. What you must do is manage shifting priorities as they arise.

It’s only been a few days, but so far, so good. I’m sure I’ll have to remind myself there’s more to life than work, though. Regardless of how much fun I have doing it.