Danger Zone

A Brief Insight into World Peace

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:12:00 +0000

Right now the harmonious combination of the two cultures represented by the Tequila and the Chinese food revelling in the welcoming bosom of my stomach gives me ultimate hope for world peace.

Thank you for reading.

-Julian Saint Clair

Is IT in you?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:12:00 +0000

Is it in you ?

Red Pill

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:11:00 +0000

Nothing to lose is where the freedom is...

The fun, the enjoyment, the RELEASE

It lies where death lies. Same place. Where you decide to give up everything and trust in yourself and live truly and fully in the moment.

It's all good and well to BE in the moment, but to LIVE in it is to be 100% expressive with 100% belief in yourself. No doubt whatsoever. It's to realize that everything you've worked for is worthless other than the fact that it led up to this moment right now, and that everything your working towards in the future will only ever happen if you take hold of the moment NOW and take action toward what you want.

But it takes a leap of faith. You have to trust that the chips will fall exactly where they're supposed to. That the results of this moment couldn't have happened any other way.

Now, in order to be confident enough that things will work out as they're supposed to, which in an ideal world is somewhat similar to how you picture things working out, you have to set yourself up in such a way that you can trust yourself.

Do you trust yourself?

I think I do. Nah, screw that. I KNOW I do.

In fact, should the results be less than ideal... Should I somehow "fail" tonight, the lesson I learn in the twilight will prepare me for tomorrow, and tomorrow I will succeed where before I have failed, if only because I took the chance in the first place.

So it's over. It's all over. Risk it ALL, because in the end it's all worthless anyway.

When you take the red pill and realize it was all for naught anyway, you find release, you find the freedom everyone is so lacking. No matter your age or situation, it's never too late to start living.

Everyone else is stuck in this constant unending equilibrium of mediocrity that is "not dying" when instead they should be "living".

So they preserve the small gains they make. They take the .03% the bank gives them on their savings account because it's a sure bet and they never know what would've happened had they put it all into their dream business. They lay on their death bed betting their last breaths on their kids and their kids' kids hoping the future generations have the guts to take a risk.

There's no time like now to lose it all.

Or, to quote the Klingons, today is a good day to die.

What's your vision? That's the theme for the time being. Find your vision. Find your vision and FOLLOW THAT SH*T until the ends of the earth, because that's what you live for. You live to LIVE, and your vision is how you see yourself living.

So I've defined my purpose, my identity, my values, and a lot of my ongoing 'goals' - but not my vision. And I've been feeling it lately too... a mild lack of direction. People ask me randomly 'what do you want to do with that?' and I provide an answer. I'm not sure I believe myself. They're good answers and they'd be pretty cool, but is it TRULY what I want ? Time to figure that out. Time to throw everything away that doesn't lead to my vision. That might include throwing away a part of my life. Ah well

Sorry life, gotta go live.

cheers,
Julian Saint Clair

Thoughts on Pushing It

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:10:00 +0000

I haven't yet decided whether this will be my main journal for the more... 'daily' thoughts that are more difficult to categorize or whether that should be the journal that goes in the "Partying" section.

I'm leaning more towards this page.

Anyway.

Tonight was a fun night. I'm once again pushing my limits and it feels good to stretch out the old social muscles. I've been doing some very outlandish stuff but I've decided that what I need to do is...

well, I would say 'guage the reaction with more interest and respond from there' but that would imply that my actions are dependent upon others' actions.

That is, of course, against the rules.

My actions are entirely independent of others' so long as they fall outside of my policy of being considerate.

Being considerate is the check/balance to being a leader.

So to re-word that original statement, what I need to do is press the interaction at least a step or two further and then see how I feel about the prospects.

Here's an example - lets say I walk up to someone who looks rich and I say "Hey I'm thinking you should loan me a million dollars" and then I walk off nonchalantly as if it was no big deal, they don't really have a chance to say "Yeah that sounds like a great idea".

Thus what I should do is lean back, read them, and then go the next step which might sound like "I was thinking of breaking it up into installments of $100k paid out over 10 months."

Because, of course, the devil is in the details.

You'd be surprised how willing people are to follow your lead if you're willing to lead them.

Best,
Julian Saint Clair

More Chiefs, Less Indians

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:10:00 +0000

Leadership...

Right now my dad has to stay late at the office because his team asked him to. I've read about and experienced many differen't types of leadership, and it seems it follows this model:

1) Afraid to be a leader
2) Eager to be a leader
3) Nervous about being a leader
4) Excited about being a leader
5) Tired of being a leader
6) Rather be an influence

Around stage 4 is when you actually LIKE being the guy everyone depends on and being the bottom line, the one that gets things done. However, by its very nature this means that without you, nothing gets done. Hence, staying late at the office.

Eventually you get to the point where you're tired of staying late at the office. You don't necessarily 'burnout' because you can keep going if you wanted to, but you're simply not as motivated as you once were to be that guy; your ego is satisfied that you are a leader among men.

Instead, you'd much rather be an influence. You might even go so far as to be the glue that holds everyone together and brings that element of synergy to the group, but the investment of time and effort to (micro)manage everyone is no longer yours to make.

It's important to make this transition at some point.

It's important to delegate more and take a step back. Instead of flying the plane, strap some wings on your teammates, give them a generous shove out the door and watch them soar. Eventually you want to get to a point where what you do is provide sage advice, and, most importantly, inspiration. When you speak, people listen.

Much like Master Yoda.

cheers!
Julian Saint Clair

Everyone wants to meet you

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:09:00 +0000

Did you know that?

Did you know that while you're walking around minding your own business, everyone is curious what's up w/ you? Just don't be weird. Or rather, don't make people uncomfortable. Easier said than done? No. It's easy, just talk about whatever comes to mind as soon as it pops in your head. It's OK to have like 10 different conversation threads going on at once and jump around. Don't try and "say a line" that's clever or funny or CANNED, "so uh... how was your weekend ?" Say anything you want, just be GENUINE: "Hey so-and-so! How was YOUR weekend??"

I told my friend "the serious face gets answers." You can ask anyone anything and there's that split second right after you ask it where they look at your face to try and see if you have a hidden agenda - if maybe you're laughing at them inside. That split second is when they're figuring out, "are they asking this so they can JUDGE me or are they asking because they want to know about me?"

If the latter, they will always spill their guts. *IN THE CLUB* the past couple of weekends i'll be talking to a girl i met literally 30 seconds ago and she's telling me her passion in life and what she wants to be and do. IN THE CLUB! Why? because i'm genuinely curious about her. I think people are interesting as FUCK, which is why i like psychology so much. I'd love to find out what's unique and fun and interesting about everyone i meet and even people i haven't met yet. There's a story behind those eyes, and i'm dying to hear it.

And the thing is, those eyes tell you a lot. I can see the past in those eyes and know where they're coming from, how they feel about people and life NOW based on what happened BEFORE. But i don't know about their future, and that's the part that interests me most. People change, people have dreams, and people have fantasies, and they're usually afraid to say them out loud. for fear of JUDGEMENT.

Being non-judgemental is key. I've sat there SOLID AS A ROCK while a girl told me how her step brother raped her. It was devastating to hear of course, but you wouldn't know it by the look on my face. I've also sat there unreactive while a girl told me how she slept with 3 guys at once. Wow. My reaction is going to tell her how I feel and how SHE should feel, and since i'm a nonjudgemental person or even if i DO have an opinion, i want to see how she feels about it first so i keep a neutral face. Any of you who have taken Dr. Bass's Human Sexuality class know that face i'm talking about -- you can say anything to Dr. Bass and his expression won't change if he doesn't want it to. Before i give her a social cue from my reaction, i want to truly know how SHE feels about it. "What do you think about that?" "How do you feel about that?"

Is there a time to judge? Yes, when they ask you to judge them. When they show attitude or bitchiness or TEST/CHALLENGE you to see if you're strong enough to handle them. That's when you flex your social muscle a little bit -- just enough so they know that you can do it if you need to. Other than that, have some genuine interest in people. Greet them with the all-powerful WARM SMILE and remember that the serious face gets answers.

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how you truly get to know someone. No one will open up to you when they're constantly on guard worrying how you'll judge them.

Another Thursday Night Deluxe

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:08:00 +0000

Another night out... more antics ensue

I realized that picking girls up is a lot of fun (I mean literally... physically lifting them off the ground), both for me and the girl. The other day I picked up 2 girls at once - one in each arm. I personally felt that it was quite awesome.

Oh yeah, here's a funny quote I got from my sister: "I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am!"

awesome indeed.

I saw 4 hot lil' cuties at the spot I was at last night. A funny thing that happened is I saw a cute girl, walked up to her and introduced myself and talked about something random for a sec when her friend says, "that's the guy from Saturday!"

I'm thinking, "wtf? oh, man, I need to stop drinking"

"You'll have to tell me your name again. I drink alot"

Anyway, so I saw some cuties. Did I push it with any of them ?

Hmm...

Not really.

By the way, let me go ahead and say that my GOAL here is to simply have fun pushing things to the limit and beyond, doing things I didn't think were possible and living in my own delightful world of wonderment rather than by the rules of society. In all things I remain true to my core values and rules, including being selective and discrete.

Anyway.

I made about 1 or 2 assertive moves on each, and that was that. I didn't escalate it. I think that I need to stop trying to force my game into certain modes but rather game to suit my mood, and if I want my game to be in a certain mode I need to simply change my mood. And remember that by 'game' I mean my self-expression, or in other words the manner in which I'm communicating.

For example, if I'm in a more laid back mood I'm more likely to come off as incongruent if I'm running around picking girls up and high fiving everyone. However, if I WANT to be running around doing crazy stuff, I need to change my mood. I need to tap into that underlying motivation.

But how to do this?

I think I need to spend some serious time playing around with the motivating thought of "how can I make this fun?"

In fact, the theme for the rest of this weekend is "How can I make this fun?"

Combine that with "Live like a 4-year-old" and I think we'll have a blast.

And one final thing to play with for a bit is blatently communicating expectations i.e. "I expect you to be playful and have fun around me."

Lessons Learned:

-Change your mood, not your game.
-Push it to the LIMIT - stay in there and have some fun with it. Do NOT leave
-Stop worrying about where other people are at - just GO
-Cut off all self-regulation and live without inhibitions (of course, stay true to your core values and rules)
-Might want to limit myself to 3 drinks or something...

Best,
Julian

MIA... or what was left of it

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:08:00 +0000

MIA… or what was left of it

Ah yes, Miami was glory times indeed.

I caught a tan and avoided catching VD, whom I'm sure was lurking in the shadows somewhere looking for unsuspecting mancationers.

Anyway, our last night in Miami we were all kind of pooped.

That's because we did it SO big the night before. Absolutely epic. The bards will sing the tales of Miami Mancation 2008 for years to come. We were truly the life of the party.

(hopefully pics from that night will surface soon)

But that was Saturday. This was Sunday.

Fear not! We pulled it together and went out one final night. We went to Opium/Prive and had a good time in VIP.

But my energy was low. I kept telling myself "ok self, just keep drinking vodka redbull and you'll be fine."

Great idea. The last clear memory I have of the night is downing one last vodka redbull.

Fortunately I was smart enough to pull over the girl next to us in VIP who had a camera. She took a couple of flix, including this one:

Pete did a good job of looking mostly sober in that one.

And what's that in his hand? Yes! Vodka redbull.

Rick Ross was there. So was Trina.

And no, for those of you who know the story of Trina's hopeless lust for a naiive young schoolboy, I did not rekindle our love. She was so surrounded by a thousand goons that I literally didn't even SEE her, let alone lock eyes with her and capture her in the notorious gaze of desire/tractor beam of hotness.

All in all, a good time was had by all. When more pics arrive magically in my mailbox from girls I don't even remember, we'll piece together the rest of the story of Miami Mancation 2008.

Lessons Learned:

-Find girls with cameras
-Give them your email address so you can get pix
-Vodka Redbull is no substitute for actual energy, contrary to popular belief

Best,
Julian

Adios Mother...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:07:00 +0000

Probably the funniest thing that happened Saturday night was when I was at the bar. The music's pumping and some orangish red lighting overhead makes me feel like it's time for a red light special.

I told the bartender:
"get me drunk for THIS"
I handed her a wad of cash and turned back to my friends as she laughed and poured up something delightful

I turn back around to the bar and just like magic there are two AMF's (A long-island-like drink, try one) sitting on the counter.

Yum.

I look to my left and wouldn't you know it, there's a 5'2" cutie standing there in a sparkly dress. They always wear sparkles

Yum.

"Are those for me?" She asked
I shook my head with a smile.

A better comeback would have been to eye her dress and ask her: "Are those for me ??"

But apparently I couldn't think that fast.

“Nice try. I know all about the ‘stand-by-the-bar-and-ask-if-that-drink-is-for-me’ game for getting free drinks. I invented it”

She giggled. They always giggle

“Is that a blue Hawaiian ?”
“Nope!”
“AMF?”
“Yup, Adios”
“Adios Motherfucker? Ok, Adios!”

WHOA!

She said it like ‘goodbye’ and did a half-turn away from me with a coy smile. Haha, very clever she was. Caught me off guard. I told her as much with a smile

“Very clever. Lets see if you’re still so clever after you get another drink in you”
We laughed

I turned my back and never saw her again.

Alas, a good time was had by all and I wasn’t interested in escalating the situation at the time. However, if you want things to escalate, SOMEONE has to escalate it. This is a lesson I’ve already learned many a time, but it’s a good fundamental one to remember.

There were other stories from which to learn that night, but you’re going to have to buy the book to hear those adventures. Still, you can see the lessons:

Lessons Learned:

-If you want the interaction to go somewhere you’ve got to take it there
-Don’t ever depend on someone else to pull the trigger, YOU are the bottom line
-Nothing is ever as effective as your presence – BE THERE
-Always be leading
-Be decisive, even if you’re blundering and wrong, you’ll learn something
-If you’re engaging a group, involve people you want/need to involve
-In the end, the strength of your confidence determines the outcome

JSC and Seaspot Magazine

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:06:00 +0000

Here are some photos from the fashion spread in the spring issue of Seaspot Magazine. Party on !

- Julian Danger Saint Clair

McLovin Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:05:00 +0000

Lollipop Party Recap

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:04:00 +0000

I had to go early and help decorate.

Big thank you to the two lovely ladies who put in the time with me to add a little extra flavor to the night.

But it still took a while so I had to go home and get ready. I was behind schedule.

Matt hits me up:

Where's your list?

I just got home, emailing it soon

Hurry up dude it's already 7 pages and it's after 10 o clock

I'm about to send you 5 more pages.

Yes, it was that long.

I get the list sent, I don't have time to cut my hair, just a lineup, shower, eat a hasty sammich and I'm at the club by 11:20. I roll up with a can of soda half-full with liqour that I took the time to pour on the way out. The lines are HUGE.

Both the VIP and the regular line are the biggest I've ever seen at Heavens.

The GM's outside, I say what's up to him

This is HUGE man. It looks good

It's been like this since 10:30

Niiice. I kill my "soda" and go inside.

The place is packed, absolutely packed. It's hot as HELL in there, which is ironic because it's called Heavens.

But it looked great. People were sucking on lollipops. Girls were wearing hot dresses, I saw multiple guys in suits and even more wearing button ups and ties. People were drinking drinks and having fun. It looked good.

I snapped a few pics from VIP. You can see that it was wall 2 wall

The GM is talking to me about VIP sales. We had this genius plan to sell out VIP. $35 gets you a VIP wristband and 3 drink tickets and you skip the line - a great deal if you ask me, 3 drinks alone are usually $35+

I promoted it, people knew about it. However, no one really knew HOW to buy it. We even had a sign that said "Candyland VIP $35", but people were clueless.

We still made several sales, but I clearly wasn't about to spend my night being a salesman. That's not my job. However, my job was to help make VIP LOOK good, and that I did:

And the DJ was playing CUTS. Shout out to DJ Mr. Supreme for hooking it up. He pulled no punches. And I only heard Lil Wayne's Lollipop maybe twice. He had this long 'Candy' set he played, songs about candy and what not, culminating in an extended remix of Lollipop.

Awesome.

Somebody got on the mic, saying how live the crowd was and how cool the party was, the best they'd ever seen at Heavens. I had NO idea who was on the mic, I went to go see, and lo and behold it's Mr. Supreme. I've *NEVER* heard him get on the mic, he shouted out the crowd and kept it jumpin.

All in all, it was a great experience. Special thanks to everyone who was a part of it, especially Soul Gorilla who made it all happen.

Keep your ear out for the next one, and PLEASE people, email me any pics you might have at julian@juliansaintclair.com. My pic-taking skillz are lacking at the moment, I need to step it up.

Til next time... Peace!

-Julian

New Blog / Website - juliansaintclair.com

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 22:34:00 +0000

Danger Zone has moved to http://www.JulianSaintClair.com - check it out!

Best,
Julian Saint Clair

Desire

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:29:00 +0000

had some complicated thoughts leading to this. Perhaps I may re-write/edit a shortened version later. Til then, enjoy this in all its splendor.

------------

I know myself and I know I’m not going to stop desiring women, at least not in the foreseeable future…

Why?

I’ve given that question some thought and I’ve come to some semi-answers:

It’s not because I’m not getting laid enough
It’s not because I’m not being sexually satisfied
It’s not because I have no self control
It’s not for some insidious egotistical need
It’s not because my past or present relationships suck

It’s just BECAUSE

It’s desire for desire’s sake.

It seems like it’s just the sheer novelty of it.

I desire new flavors, or different flavors.

I’ve explored this feeling extensively and will continue to do so, and I’ve thus far come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my desire; it’s entirely legitimate and comes from an untainted place of honesty, appreciation and sexuality.

My thought process is like this… I see girl, girl is cute, girl is hot, girl is sexy, I desire girl, end of story.

Then later my self-regulating thought processes come in and gauge the consequences given the context of the situation:

Who is she here with, what are the logistics, who knows this girl, is this someone’s girlfriend, is this someone’s romantic interest, if so who are those people, who knows me here, who am I here with, what am I doing after this, what is she doing after this, is there someone here whom I desire more, could she possibly be crazy… etc.

Depending upon the answers to those questions and their relative importance to me and my other goals, I may or may not decide to pursue grand adventures with this damsel of desire (or multiple damsels if a ménage a trios is appropriate).

The thing is… this has NOTHING to do with my existing relationships, other than how they may relate to those secondary, self-regulating questions. What are my goals with those existing relationships?

To be a giver and not a taker. To be open to learn. To be appreciative and understanding, honest and uninhibited, friendly and charming, down to earth, flattering, trustworthy, generous, and receptive – and to encourage and inspire others to be the same.

All of these things are on my list. To know me is to know my list, because that is who I am.

I’ve been fortunate and blessed enough to have had some awesome relationships, both fulfilling and satisfying.

Yet still, despite my satisfaction with my fulfilling relationships, my desire remained.

Sure, I fought it off many a time and was always victorious for a while, but it always came back.

In fact, it never left.

Can a woman ever believe that? Can she ever believe that my desire can be 100% independent of my relationship with her?

For that to happen she’d have to have some serious security in our relationship.

Moreover, she’d have to really truly TRUST me that I am what I say I am: appreciative, honest, uninhibited, trustworthy, unafraid to be myself and unafraid to be expressive.

Because what that translates to is that I fully appreciate her and our connection, and that any wavering in that appreciation will be communicated honestly and uninhibited without hesitation.

Appreciation is important and needs to be clarified – and this is a realization I had a while back that I don’t think I’ve revealed to the public yet.

It’s based on a very simple principle I’ve learned from my thousands of interactions with various people, and here it is:

All anyone wants in this world is to understood/valued/appreciated.

It’s that combination of those three words that’s important: understood/valued/appreciated.

You can understand someone without seeing their value, and thus they’re left wonting, feeling worthless. Likewise you can value someone despite having zero understanding of them, i.e. people valued Van Gogh but none understood him.

What is appreciation?

Appreciation kind of captures both understanding and valuing, in fact one could say that appreciation is obtaining a deeper understanding of the value. The thing about appreciation is that it allows for growth – you can always understand deeper and value more, thusly growing in appreciation.

Here’s the zinger, this was a line of thinking that led me to a startling conclusion that was very eye opening which totally changed the way I look at the world.

How do people FEEL when others understand/value/appreciate them?

What is the FEELING associated with it?

The feeling is like this complex mixture of more security with your insecurities, feeling like your WORTH something to someone and to the world, feeling optimistic, more relaxed, more confident, more capable, more comfortable being you…

When I look at feelings to figure out what causes them I simply look at other times when I’ve felt the same feeling and figure out what’s going on.

Try that: think of a time where you felt really understood/valued/appreciated, look at that feeling and think of other times where you felt like that. You will naturally come to the only conclusion that makes sense, the one word that can be used to describe that feeling:

Love.

It’s so SIMPLE.

Now substitute that into the previous equation and you’ll realize that this is exactly what it is:

All anyone wants in this world is to be loved.

PERIOD.

You might want to marinate on that one for a while… I know I did.

Anyway, back to the lecture at hand: in order for a woman to understand that my desire for other women has nothing to do with her or our relationship, she has to trust that I fully appreciate and value her and our connection (I don’t like throwing around the L-word too much, people just don’t understand), and that I’m going to be honest and uninhibited in being myself and expressing my self such that if I’m having trouble appreciating something about her or our connection I will let her know so we can work on it.

I read a book which I will highly recommend to you called “The Threesome Handbook” by Vicky Vantoch.

What I learned most from this book (in addition to some creative sexual positions) is that the magic formula for successful polyamorous relationships is trust, communication, and boundaries.

I’ll go ahead and add another one to that: growth.

I’ve long since given up pursuing deeper relationships with women who are unwilling to grow.

But don’t write these people off – I activate the inspiring/encouraging part of myself to hopefully motivate them to see that they can be and do anything they want in this world – I just try to remain a source of positivity and encouragement, and so should you.

If you’re unwilling to work on things, to explore, to learn – to GROW, then you’re stuck in a stagnant place where possibility passes you by like a beggar with a sign and a cup watching traffic.

Trust, communication and boundaries are worthless without growth.

Push your limits, communicate honestly your understanding/value/appreciation, trust your partner to do the same, and be willing to explore/learn/GROW.

And in the end what does this all mean for me next time I’m out and I spy with my little eye a delightful vixen?

Perhaps I should walk right up to anyone who’s feelings might potentially be hurt by interpreting my actions as an insult to that understanding/value/appreciation of her and our connection, pull her close to me and say to her, “Hey, I want you to know how much I understand/value/appreciate you and the connection we have. That girl over there is sexy as hell to me right now and I want to go see what she feels like. Do you want to come? If not, you can rest assured that what you and I have won’t change, unless of course she does some trick that I’ll teach you, in which case it’ll only change for the better.”

Frankly I don’t know how anyone could say no to that.

Cheers,
JDanger

Choice

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 09:49:00 +0000

Here's a thought I've been working on...

Instead of "I wish" and "what if", learn from what was to change what is

point being, every choice is an opportunity to start fresh

Every choice is the death of possibility and the birth of a new reality. Make the conscious decision to live the life you want to live, because you won't end up on your deathbed wishing you hesitated more.

cheers,
JDanger

Fuck Paying Dues

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 09:44:00 +0000

That's right, I said it

Paying dues is what people who have wasted time toiling tell the newbies

Do you think The Man makes his people pay dues?

No.

In fact, he hooks his people UP. Hardcore. When they need a job they have it, when they need money they have it, when they need ANYthing, they've got it.

All they have to do is not mess it up. It's about paying it forward and passing it on to your friends and family, but not to others. It's about taking care of you and yours.

And the whole 'meritocracy' is contrived. It's entirely made up.

Almost NOTHING is based on merit, on hard work.

It's not WHAT you know, it's WHO you know.

For instance, black people are too busy telling the next man that they need to work hard and earn their keep to get where they got in life.

They've gotta pay their dues

FUCK THAT.

Fuck paying dues.

Paying dues is why generation after generation we're right back where we started and progress is always a dream of tomorrow.

So to quote a great mentor of mine, don't be so caught up in your success that you don't share it with others and show them the way.

cheers,
JDanger

Rules to Live By

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 06:06:00 +0000

If you want to be confident and secure, have self-esteem and stop deriving your value from other people, be internally validated and answer only to yourself, you have to actually have something to answer to.

I'll find this quote that will help this make more sense and post that too, but in the mean time, here's my list of things to answer to for MYSELF. That way, I don't care about others' judgments of me, as long as I'm living by my rules and being who I want to be, I'm good. I have this posted on my wall and I read it often.

-------------------

Goals

Have fun
Explore
Expand
Enjoy myself
Enjoy the process
Enjoy the journey

-------------------

Ways to Live

Core Confidence
Give Value
Be Assertive
Be Unreactive

Commit to Consistency
Live and Learn
Esteem reigns supreme
Everyone has value

Alpha male
High value male
A guy with standards and rules
Giver of value

-------------------

Who I Am - Julian Kahlil Saint Clair

Playful/Fun
Daring/Adventurous
Leading/Dominant
Magnetic/Seductive
Clever/Wise
Honest/Uninhibited
Edgy/Bold
Appreciative/Easy Going
Optimistic/Dreaming
Inspiring/Encouraging

--------------

My RULES

Be respectful of time and effort
Be appreciative of resources
Be a GIVER and not a TAKER
Be positive
Be physically comfortable
Be responsible
Be open to learn

---------------

Ideal qualities I want to embody - extended version of "Who I Am"

Fun
Fun Loving
Outgoing
Extroverted
Introspective
Seeking New Experiences
Leader
Facilitator
Inspirational
Optimistic
Positive Outlook
Hard Working
Willing to take RISKS
Assertive
Dominant
Willing to SPEAK UP
Confident
HOT
Sexy
Sexual
Unafraid to BE MYSELF
Unafraid to be EXPRESSIVE
Easy going
Playful
Magnetic
Honest
Uninhibited
Clever
Concise (ha!)
Wise
Intelligent
Friendly
Easy to talk to
FUN to talk to
Giver of Value
Grounded
Charming
Down to Earth
Flattering
Relaxed
Edgy
Seductive
Attractive
Worldly
Trustworthy
Well Rounded
Understanding
APPRECIATIVE
A Dreamer
A CLOSER
Daring
Courageous
Bold
Abundance Mentality
Generous
Encouraging
A Gentleman
Open Minded
Receptive
Secure
Fast Learner

---------------------

This list grows all the time and I try to think of better ways to organize it and things to add. I very very very strongly recommend EVERYONE make a list - remember that it's a list of WHO YOU WANT TO BE, not 'who you are currently', your IDEAL SELF, not your 'actual self'.

The first step to being your ideal self is knowing who you want to be.

When you're first making your list, make it LOOONG. Write down everything you can possibly think of even if it sounds repetitive. Later, try to condense it into a shorter version (for me that's my "Who I Am" section), which will be easier to remember.

The important thing is to come up with a list that rings true for YOU.

However, if any of the things on mine sound good to you, feel free to use them as your own - some of the stuff I got from other people as well. That's part of being open minded and a fast learner;) Take what works for you and discard the rest.

cheers,
JDanger

Life is OVER

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 12:00:00 +0000

Why is your room dirty right now?

It seems like as soon as you clean it, it gets dirty right away. We always find this upsetting.

Our gas tank is empty. We just filled it up the other day. Damn... We're always refilling it.

There's only a little bit of those leftovers still in the fridge. They're so TASTY. Lets save it for later.

FUCK THAT.

Cars are made to be driven.
Gas is made to be burned.
Rooms are made to be dirtied.
Food is made to be eaten.

Everything is ALWAYS getting worse, yet we puny humans strive to hold onto it just a LITTLE BIT LONGER.

We're too busy trying to save ourselves to live life. Too busy trying to preserve something that's made to be enjoyed to the fullest. You don't get to live this life again. You don't get to 'save a little bit for later'. Everything could be gone in the BLINK OF AN EYE.

Don't you understand this? You don't, i know. It's hard. It's so very hard... but TRY.

TRY.

And it's not that you can die. Sure, mortality is all around you. You can die at any time, we all know this. But it's more than that. How about this - try this one on for size:

You can have EVERYTHING in your life taken away from you in a heartbeat... but you're still alive. Imagine THAT.

Imagine everything you're familiar with is just GONE. Your job, your house, your car, everything. Imagine yourself moving to another city with like 5 grand and no friends. Your life as you know it, just GONE. But you're still alive. Living.

It's kinda like fight club. You're not your job, you're not your aprartment, you're not your car. You are not your ikea furniture. You are not your fucking khakis.

Everything - GONE. What would you have left? What would you do differently? How would you live if you started your life again with 5 grand and no friends in a new city?

It's time to start living. Be ready to risk everything at the drop of a hat. Tell your boss what you've been wanting to tell them. Tell THEIR boss. Tell your friends, your lovers, your family. Tell everyone exactly what's on your mind. Reputation is MEANINGLESS.

Don't go out of your way to THROW it away. Just never hesitate to RISK it. Put it all on the line, all the time. Balls to the wall, completely out of your mind.

I feel like I just died and I'm living again for the first time. Weird I know. It feels kinda like when you're asleep having a dream and you REALIZE you're having a dream and the fact that you realize it allows you to CONTROL it and now the dream takes a whole new turn. It's like THAT.

It was like before everything had a "handle with care" label on it. Now, I'm ready to throw that shit on the ground just to see what it looks like when it breaks. But not so much self-amusing destruction. More like, USAGE. More like, taking full advantage of what life's offering me. More like, full enjoyment.

I got this brand new shirt and I'm waiting for a special occasion to wear it...

FUCK THAT.

Shirts are made to be worn.
Cars are made to be driven.
Gas is made to be burned.
Rooms are made to be dirtied.
Food is made to be eaten.

Life is made to be LIVED. I'm not saving anything for later.

I'm excited. See you soon.

cheers!
JDanger

ATTRACTION... Finally Nailed It

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 09:46:00 +0000

Attraction...

I've been trying to write about attraction for a while and I've been having a hard time.

There are a MILLION things that go into what makes up attraction. a MILLION.

Speaking of a million, let me tell you a funny story.

I'm in the club, and somehow I manage to be HAMMERED drunk. Like seriously, I forgot half the night. I HATE when I get like that. Sure, sometimes I drink and I like to party but I ALWAYS want to remember what happened. Apparently I left my panties at home that night and wore some dungarees because I was balls-to-the-wall SAVAGE. Here's what I've pieced together, and I remember about 2/3rds of this.

I see a girl talking to some dude. Apparently they are together, as in boyfriend/girlfriend. Yeah.

I walk up, I gently yet firmly turn the girl around to face me, I have a half-smile on my face and I extend my arm to encompass her into my bubble and bring her under my wing. I walk away a few steps with her, smiling the whole way, holding strong eye contact. She sees my nimbus and she can't look away. She literally CAN NOT look away. She's in my world now, nothing else exists.

We start to talk, we're vibing. She smiles, we laugh, it's ON. It's ALWAYS on.

Suddenly, some dude is there on her other side trying to pull her away. I still have a smile on my face as I give him a look like he's retarded and pull her back towards me. Without warning that dude magically splits into a total of 4 dudes + one short midget-like guy who seems to be their leader. I let go of the girl and look at him with a self-amused smile. The midget-leader goes:

"BET you won't do that again."
I think to myself: Betting! I love to gamble. My smile grows from a half smile to a 3/4 smile.
"Bet a million!" I say
"Huh? Bet..."
"Bet a MILLION!"
"BET you won't do that again."
"I'll do it again for a MILLION!"
I have my hand partially held out to shake for a bet, but below my waist, confident and nonthreatening, and non-THREATENED. I'm holding eye contact, ready to play. He had to think I was crazy. He backs up a couple steps towards his friends while keeping his eyes on me

I understand they're looking for a fight.

I look at them, my chest is fully exposed, absolutely fearless, my smiles turns feral and predatory as I size them up. I just went to the gym that day and my back was sore from so many pullups. My testosterone is pumping, my senses are heightened. I feel ready, I feel prepared. I feel like I can take all of them. Each one looks visibly unsure of themselves as I look at each of them in turn. They understand. I'm Alpha.

Just then my friend turns around, ready to fight. The HUGE security guard who I'm super-cool with shows up. They've got my back. My smile grows. I tell them it's cool. I tell everyone it's cool. They back off. Situation diffused. I see the midget-leader later that night and I give him my half smile and shrug as if to say "hey, life's crazy".

Later I ask my friends: what happened? Why the hell were they beefin?

They tell me. Dude, don't you remember? You took his girl right in front of him.

Then i think to myself... wow. That dude was LITERALLY not in my reality at ALL. Like, all I remember is standing there talking to a girl I just pulled over to me and some random guy comes up and starts beefin with me. What the fuck?

I think that's what it is. I think that's what Attraction is.

Attraction is living in your own reality - a GREAT reality - and a reality that others can't help but be drawn into. It's like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, you just don't want to leave.

Cultivate that reality within yourself. Reality is perception. Interpret the world as you see fit and truly believe. 100% Belief in yourself. Not 92% belief. 100% belief. Live in a world of self-amusement where bad-reactions simply do not exist.

Ever wonder why you have so much fun when you're drunk? It's because that social filter that blocks out all of your impulses is removed. Granted you have to come from the right place internally, but most of you reading this are pretty well-centered people. Don't worry so much about that.

Worry about being yourself unapologetically. Expressing yourself. Putting your personality on the line and laughing off whatever happens as a result. LAUGH IT OFF. It's no big deal.

That's it. That's it right there.

THAT is attraction; living in your own reality and enjoying everything that adds to it by reacting to it. YOU are the rock making a splash in the pond. YOU make the ripples. If someone else throws a rock, you throw a bigger rock. Your belief is stronger. 100%.

This is YOUR world.

THAT is attraction.

cheers my dear friends. cheers!
JDanger

Being the Alpha Male

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 03:06:00 +0000

What does it mean to be the Alpha Male?

For me, this means answering the phone when people call. This means listening to people, connecting with them, being empathetic, understanding, giving feedback and input. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, “why the hell are they telling me this?” And then I remember, “Oh yeah, I’m the Alpha”

Being the Alpha means deciding what *I* want to do and doing it. This means considering all options and making a fucking decision. It also means changing my mind when necessary. This means trusting myself to handle situations. This means having FAITH in myself, not BECAUSE other people do, but in light of the fact that people do.

To me, being the Alpha Male means having the balls to address other alphas; stepping out of my comfort zone and offering the olive branch or the sword. In the end I don’t give a FUCK if you’re bigger than me I will fight to the fucking hilt to protect me and mine. Leader of men. Protector of loved ones. Dominating. Sticking out my chest, shoulders back, head high, chin down – don’t be arrogant, look people in the face, strong eye contact, big smile. Life’s a party.

It’s also important to realize that different people lead in different situations. Leadership doesn’t necessarily mean Alpha. As the Alpha Male, it’s important to recognize when it’s time for others to lead. In fact, it’s necessary – you can’t lead ALL the time, unless you want to die young. It’s too demanding and draining. Delegating is a part of being the Alpha, and that goes hand in hand with recognizing others’ value and letting them shine in their areas of expertise.

It’s also important to realize that you’re dominant, but you don’t TRY.

Trying to dominate everyone is beta, not alpha. Dominating is simply who you are, you’re unafraid and confident. Being the Alpha Male means understanding that there are OTHER Alpha Males. I say "The" Alpha, but there are tons of Alpha Males in the world, and I'm friends with some of them. Alpha Males can come together in alliance and do great things. Be assertive, feel people out, but don’t try to dominate others simply for the sake of dominating. Don’t be an asshole.

Being the Alpha Male means putting myself out there. Putting my personality on the line time and time again. And BELIEVING. It takes 100% belief to do the impossible. “If anyone can do it, it’s me.”

When you’re the Alpha Male, people will seek your approval. People will give you things, make offerings to you. Don’t turn these down. In this book I read, this young courageous Prince felt… bashful, embarrassed I supposed, to be receiving gifts from the people of his realm. His advisor, who was the advisor to his father, told him, “you’re their Prince! Let them treat you as such. They want to give you these things, to turn it down would be the greatest insult to their honor.” An honest thank you will do.

Do NOT let this go to your head.

Remain humble, but understand your ROLE. KNOW YOUR FUCKING ROLE. You are the Alpha, but you are still a cog in the wheel. Nothing works without your people – a chief is nothing without his Indians. Do not feel that you are valuable and others are not simply because you’re the Alpha.

Being the Alpha Male means understanding that everyone has value. It means recognizing that value and facilitating it. It means allowing everyone to SHINE.

Sometimes it means taking people out of their comfort zone. This is what you do, you’re the Alpha Male. They trust that you’ll get them thru it, that it’s in their best interest.

That’s what it’s about in the end – Trust. Being the Alpha Male means being responsible, but at the same time throwing caution and responsibility to the wind. It’s a fun little paradox. You GOT here by being the type of guy that doesn’t give a fuck and lives his own life, and now others trust you to lead them. It’s easy to start giving a fuck.

Don’t.

The key is to simply BE. Be you, all the time. The self is always shining through, so don’t try and block the sun. Don’t TRY to be the leader, because that’s exactly how you fail at it. Don’t always tell people what to do, instead tell them your experience, tell them what you’ve learned, tell them about YOU. Speak in the “I” perspective, not the “You” perspective. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Instead, just live. You’re a guy with standards and rules, and you don’t violate them for anyone. You speak up, you put it out there.

You are not to be walked on.

You don’t tolerate insolence. You don’t tolerate poor behavior. But nor are you the police. Your attention, your presence, YOU are the gift. To quote a wise man named Chariot, YOU are the hero in this story, YOU are the shiny golden treasure. You punish people by taking away that treasure. I saw it on a movie somewhere, but they said that there’s nothing worse in this world than being ignored, and truer words have never been spoken.

You are dominant, this is your reality. You invite others to live in it. Yet it’s of the utmost importance to LISTEN. It’s easy to keep dominating and keep dominating, but many times it’s important to just sit back and LISTEN. People are trying to tell you things and you need to hear them. Don’t judge it, don’t try and be RIGHT and them being WRONG. That’s your ego creeping in, let it go. Let them talk, give it a listen.

Many times I catch myself thinking, “this person has no clue, this person is trapped, this person has nothing but limiting beliefs,” etc. All that may be true, but it’s important to CUT THAT SHIT OUT and just LISTEN.

Sure, take it with a grain of salt, but I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gained some really deep insights by finding an underlying message that might be hidden within whatever self-limiting bullshit someone is spouting to me. Yeah, this person might be stifling themselves with limiting beliefs, but they hold these beliefs for a REASON. Find out what that reason is, find out what the underlying ‘rule’ is that’s guiding this behavior, you’ll learn something new.

Remember, everyone has value. Find it, appreciate it, and give them some of your value.

The world is yours for the taking. YOU are the bottom line. The sky isn’t blue unless you say it is. This is FAITH. This is 100% BELIEF. Never be timid. Say things with conviction. Believe in yourself. Believe in others. I’ve got a laundry list of things I’ve done that I thought were impossible. Spend enough time around me and you know that if you use the word “can’t” you get a slap on the wrist. That’s one of my rules – don’t tell me anyone ‘can’t’ do anything. Impossible is nothing. FAITH. 100% BELIEF.

That's what Yoda taught Luke, that's what Morpheus taught Neo. That's what every hero has to learn.

That’s what it means to be the Alpha Male. You live in your world. You recognize the value in others, you let them SHINE. You’re a guy with standards and rules. You put yourself out there, and you do it with 100% belief. You know your role, you accept it, and you play it to perfection. You are the Alpha Male. You are the bottom line.

This is YOUR world. Enjoy it;)

cheers

Building your Avatar

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 02:36:00 +0000

Build your Avatar

Hi there!

Today we're going to talk about building your "Avatar". For our purposes, your "Avatar" is basically your appearance - how you physically and visually present yourself; your hair, face, clothes, jewelry, etc. - and all the things that people associate with YOU.

What this is REALLY about is CONGRUENCE.

To make that make more sense: does your outside appearance agree with the person you are on the inside? This is another crucial step in transformation. If you're going to be who you want to be you need to look the part. Likewise, you want to always be communicating your personality to people. What does what you're wearing RIGHT NOW say about who you are as a person?

Right now, i'm wearing some extremely soft cotton basketball shorts and some underarmor boxers. What this communicates is that a) i workout and b) i'm completely comfortable with my body.

But it's more than simply communicating your comfort level (ie sweats vs jeans), it's moreso communicating how you feel about yourself. Some people wear suits ALL the time, some girls wear skirts. Skirt-girls are proud of their legs for instance, and often like to feel sexy. Suit-guys prefer to feel more polished and professional, or just dressed up. Generally i wear jeans, like ALL the time. I also wear funny/unique t-shirts that say things like "I have the pussy so I make the rules", and random unique sneakers.

It's not necessarily about what i'm TRYING to convey, it's more about wearing the things that are consistent with myself. I LOVE to have fun, hence the hilarious t-shirts. I like to try new things and take risks, hence the unique sneakers/shirts. I just like a nice pair of jeans and cool belts. I like my watch cuz i like to know what time it is and i like shiny things. I like having my ears pierced because i think it's cool. In general, i like to have a shitload of subtle details going on at once with my appearance. That way it looks cool at first, but the more you look at it the more you see. Almost like a cool painting or piece of art.

I have two rules that i live by when i'm deciding what to wear:

Rule #1) Wear what you feel confident in

Rule #2) Dress like you're going to be taking home the hottest girl in the venue (and she'll probably be wearing a dress)

The more accessories you have, the better. USUALLY. Jewelry is a great way to convey things about your personality. It lets you wear like 10 things that say something about you instead of just 4. Layering your clothes is another good way to do this. Just buy stuff you like... rings, necklaces, earrings, cockrings... woops!

But for those of us starting out, it's important not to look "TRY-HARD".

Note: buying stuff that is TOO BLATENT, like HUGE EARRINGS can often come off as try-hard (for guys). If the only thing that's cool about your big earrings is the fact that they're big, it's probably try-hard. But if you're wearing them as a JOKE, then it says something about your personality - you don't take yourself too seriously.

So, i would advise learning the way i learned: look at cool guys, alpha males, guys that girls are into, etc. find the parts of their outfit or 'look' that you LIKE, and make it your own. You like some dude's shirt ask him where he got it. "Cool shirt, where'd u get it?" and go shop there. But don't just copy people for the sake of copying them - copy the things you LIKE.

Figure out what jeans people are wearing. Shoes, etc. Look at TV, magazines, whatever. These things are IMPORTANT to women (and to men). In fact, i advise getting some female friends and going shopping with them - or recruit the hot retail girls to tell you whether or not your ass looks good in those Levi's. Details, details.

Details are utterly important, because the moment you have one thing incongruent with the personality you're conveying via your words/nonverbals, it creates confusion for whoever you're interacting with.

I see guys who have ALL the 'player tools'. They dress like stars, they're in good shape, they have nice haircuts, they're reasonably naturally attractive dudes, they have nice cars, nice houses, etc. Yet their game is utterly LACKING.

Instead of being congruent with all these player tools they have, they're afraid to pull the trigger, afraid to be an alpha male, afraid to actually BE the guy that women want. They're satisfied with just LOOKING the part. What all that is REALLY saying about that person (and trust me, girls figure this out pretty quickly), is that the guy feels INADEQUATE without all of those things. He has a low sense of self-worth without all his material possessions. He derives his value from OUTSIDE himself. In other words, he's externally validated.

That's friggin WACK.

Meanwhile, we've all seen that cleancut UNATTRACTIVE guy who has the car, the clothes, *AND* the girl! What the hellllll? Clearly his game is congruent with his look. His avatar is congruent with his personality. It's NOT simply because he's spending all his $$ on her (unless she's a groupie, which DOES happen), it's because he has the confidence and means to have the player tools AND be the player.

Being broke is no excuse. Get a cool haircut, groom yourself. Keep your shit tight. I learned to use my hair-clippers so i cut my own hair. I line myself up almost every day. For me, haircuts are FREE. I pay no more than $10 for any t-shirt i own. $25-30 for button ups, $15-20 for polos, $30 for jeans, $20-50 for shoes, $50-$60 for a blazer. These are at DEPARTMENT stores, i OWN the clearance rack.

Checkout the thrift stores. I pay $3 for my ties at thrift stores. $6 for button ups, etc. It's ridiculous.

Try shit on. Half the time i don't even REALLY go shopping with people, i'll end up somewhere by myself because i insist on trying on my clothes, and this takes forever. However, i basically never have to return anything, all my clothes fit GREAT, and i like how they look. Every purchase is an investment.

Dress to match your body type. If you have no muscle definition you probably don't want to wear a lot of tight t-shirts - i'd go Polo or Button up. You can be skinny, but there's no excuse to not have some muscle definition. If you're a bigger person, don't be afraid to GET skinny - almost all of the 'sexiest men alive' are quite thin. Like ALL male R&B singers are skinny as shit. CUT, but skinny.

Justin Timberlake is NOT big/buff. Ray J is a SAVAGE, and he is NOT a big guy.

And remember - EVERYONE looks good in a blazer.

But meanwhile, there's no excuse not to get in shape. GET IN THE GYM. Commit to working out 3 days a week. Just DO IT. Ask yourself, what would an alpha-male do? He'd fucking work out. Working out should be congruent with your personality - you should be a guy with rules and standards. If you have standards you wouldn't let your health get out of hand. Working out also gets your sex drive and testosterone pumping. Girls can SMELL this shit.

Changes won't happen overnight, but remember, it's consistency of ACTION that's our goal. This is a LIFESTYLE.

Now listen, after saying all that it's important that you understand that none of that actually MATTERS.

This game is amazing because when you're conveying your personality, nothing else matters but what's inside YOU. You can be fat, ugly, gross, living with your mom with superman bedsheets on a bunkbed (actually that sounds kinda cool...) in a DIRTY house with no furniture. Whatever, none of that matters. I know of guys who have pulled girls back to such shoddy living arrangements and made it happen. I know UNATTRACTIVE FAT guys who have porn-style 3somes on a regular basis.

HOWEVER, they are working VERY HARD to do this stuff, or at least a lot harder than they have to. You don't have to work that hard.

Having your Avatar in order definitely helps. When you have all those other things working against you then there's that much more personality you have to convey - that much more game you have to spit. When your Avatar is congruent with your personality, your Avatar does the talking for you.

I can tell when i'm dressed right (congruent) because i can roll up to ANY girl and she'll immediately open right up.

And i don't want to hear "i don't give a fuck" as an excuse. You really don't give a fuck about yourself? Well, who the hell wants to date a person like that!

What would an alpha-male do? He'd take care of himself.

cheers!
JDanger

Ego Theory

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 12:33:00 +0000

One of the first steps to starting the process of transforming yourself is taking stock of your self: Where am i now, where do i want to be?

What would you rate your self-esteem at on a scale of 1 to 10? A "zero" would basically be suicidal.

Self-esteem can fluctuate. Right now i'd put mine at 8 or 9, because i'm thinking about all the projects i want to work on and having a hard time making progress, and self-esteem seems to be tied to feelings of success and accomplishment of goals. There are basically three different types of people in the world:

1) Low Self-Esteem (LSE)

2) 'Average' People

3) High Self-Esteem (HSE)

Remember those two questions from the beginning? Well, "Where am i now?" tells us your Actual Self. "Where do i want to be?" tells us your Ideal Self. The difference between your Actual Self and your Ideal Self is your self-esteem. i.e. if you feel like you're a piece of shit (Actual) and you want to be a piece of platinum (Ideal), you'd clearly be LSE.

Here's a nice picture to illustrate this: The person on the top is LSE, middle person = 'Average', bottom person = HSE. The scale from 0 to 10 is their self-esteem, "5" on the scale is average - right in the middle.

What's funny is that the 'Average' person you'll meet in this world actually thinks they're a little below average. In other words, the self-esteem of the average person is actually, BARELY, a little low - people tend to be think pretty poorly of themselves.

Now, there is something that gets in EVERYONE'S way and stops them from reaching their full potential. It's a three-letter word that represents everything BAD in social dynamics:

Ego.

I've realized that people will essentially do EVERYTHING in their power to protect their ego. In fact, they've even done psychological research which shows that people engage in "ego protection." Yes, my dear friend, you do it too. Virtually every time you get defensive, guess what you're defending? Your ego.

But why does the ego even exist? What is its purpose? What *IS* an ego anyway? I'll tell you.

The ego is basically the FRONT we put up, it's what we want others to see when they look at us. The ego is our public face. So it's your ego that makes you brag about stuff, that makes you get into arguments because you don't want to lose or be wrong, that makes you ignore people's criticism because if you listen to what they say it means there's something wrong with you.

Essentially, your ego is there to protect your fragile feelings and your self-esteem. It looks like this:

See that? To the outside world, many times the typical LSE person will seem normal because they put up the FRONT that they're normal. Likewise, the 'Average' person you meet in this world always seems to have SOMEthing good going for them... hence their ego is above average. The HSE person can often come off as cocky if their ego gets out of hand, because they can actually back up most of the smack they talk.

Now, we've all heard people say things like "you're afraid of success" and it doesn't make any sense. I mean who the hell is afraid of success?! I love success! If anything i'm afraid of failure.

Well, they got it half-right. Ever competed against someone and then you beat them and they say "you only won because i wasn't really trying" ? We all have. In fact, many of us are guilty of saying that same thing - we only lost 'cuz we weren't trying. That right there my friends is our EGO rearing its ugly head.

We're afraid because if we really try, and STILL lose, then our ego is CRUSHED.

And our ego really, really doesn't want to die. So what are we to do? Our egos are holding us back, keeping us from really trying... There's only one option

DESTROY THE EGO

It's a 2-step process:

1) Make your primary goals ACTION oriented, not OUTCOME oriented.

Egos are concerned with failure, but if your goals are to take action rather than to achieve outcomes, it's a lot harder to fail. So my goals are to TRY HARD (action), rather than to gain something (outcome). Don't try to lose 20 pounds, instead try to go to the gym and work hard 3-4 days a week.

2) Make your secondary goals LEARNING oriented rather than COMPETITION oriented.

Egos are concerned with comparing themselves to others, and COMPETING to feel better than others. That's why you want to win arguments, brag, etc. Rather than trying to win (compete), instead I focus on learning the most I can (learn), especially from other people. Don't try to get in better shape than your super-fit friend. Instead, ask them how they got in such excellent condition. How much better do i get at things when i learn what my would-be 'competitors' would do to win?

Unstoppable.

I used to be a LSE person. Then i managed to take action and transform myself into an 'average' person. Now, thru consistency of action and learning, i can proudly say i'm HSE.

Destroy your ego, take action, and watch your world turn on its head. One day you'll look up from all the actions you've been taking and realize you've come farther than you ever thought possible.

cheers,
JDanger

Danger's Guide to Men: it's finally here!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 08:07:00 +0000

Hey! Good to see you, it's been a little bit. Much too long for my preferences, but hey, life's a party and i don't wanna miss it!

People have said such things as "I liked the blog, but i'm not sure i like how you put women into categories" To which i said, "i do it to men too."

"Oh."

:) So here it is! Enjoy.

I was thinking about how to go about figuring out the categories that guys fall into. And then it hit me - and it's so simple: wouldn't it just be the same as the girls? And as i kind of 'reversed' the girl categories to make sense for guys, indeed it made perfect sense. I thought about different kinds of guys i've encountered and people i know, and yes, they fall into these categories, here they are:

1) Celebrities
2) "Stunners"
3) Shy Guys
4) Choosey Lovers
5) Nerds
6) Comedians

These are very similar to the girl categories of:

1) Hired Guns
2) Groupies
3) Blossomers
4) Choosey Lovers
5) Nerds
6) Giggle boxes

Celebrities:

Much like the Hired Guns, Celebrities are tired of being "hit on". Celebrities are guys who have some degree of fame/fortune and are tired of groupies and gold diggers trying to get at them. They may live a lavish life, but that is simply the life they prefer rather than living that life for the purpose of showing off, like the Stunner.

If you're a Celebrity and you want to meet women who aren't groupies, be mysterious about what you do and your income level. Put yourself in situations where people might not know who you are. Tell your friends to stop bragging about what you do. Let your SELF shine thru, see how that goes. You might just discover some interesting things about your self-esteem and confidence you never knew.

For ladies who want to meet celebrities: don't be impressed by what they do. Treat them as human beings, get to know them. Have fun and relax.

Stunners:

The Stunners are the show offs. Many Stunners don't even necessarily have much to show off, but whatever it is they have, you'll know. They like to brag and try to impress people one way or another. These are the types of guys that Groupies often go for, because groupies LOOOVE that status. Both Stunners and Groupies are externally validated, status-oriented people.

If you're a girl and you want a Stunner all you really have to do is dress sexy, stand within 10 feet of them and pray they have the guts to say something to you. If they don't, smile at them and make eye contact, that should do the trick.

If you're a Stunner and you want girls, my advice would be to go to parties you know will have lots of groupies: album release parties, celebrity afterparties, etc. If you want even better advice stop being a Stunner and realize you're a cool cat without all the bling. The guys who get ALL the girls don't show off, they're just assertively being THEMSELVES.

Shy Guys:

Shy guys are totally the male version of the female Blossomers. They'd love to explore their sexuality but they're reluctant to be assertive in many situations. Hell, many times they just simply don't know HOW or where to start! Most 'nice guys' are shy guys. Give them a chance and they know how to 'treat a lady'. Of course, contrary to what ladies SAY the guys they actually go for are NOT the ones who approach girls the way momma taught 'em.

Thus, many shy guys end up choosing from the girls who come their way OR girls in their immediate social circle. So if you're a girl and you're interested in a Shy Guy you're gonna have to show interest in him. And i know you think you ARE, but you must understand that the Shy Guy has NO CLUE unless you're blatently obvious about it. Don't be too FORWARD cuz he'll panic, but be INTERESTED.

If you're a Shy Guy and you want your pick of the litter, you're gonna have to stop caring about rejection, get out there and GO TALK TO GIRLS. You have so much potential you don't even know it, and YOU are the only thing stopping you.

Choosey Lovers:

Ah yes, choosey lovers. In order for a guy to be a choosey lover he has to actually be to the point where he has multiple QUALITY women to choose from as lovers. Please note the word "QUALITY" in front of the word "women". A guy being a Choosey Lover doesn't mean he's a player, it just means he's well-rounded. Anyway, there are 2 ways to get there.

1) The guy can be a Natural, which means that for a combination of reasons (or at least in certain situations i.e. girls in their social circle but NOT strangers at nightclubs) talking to quality women is well within his comfort zone.

2) They can LEARN it, meaning they used to be a different category but now they've reached a new comfort level with women.

If a woman wants to get with a choosey lover, she'll have to be of high quality. Let me go ahead and outline what high quality means: CONFIDENT.

There's nothing sexier than confidence, to men AND to women. I'm not gonna deny that you also need to take care of yourself and dress well, but these are things that truly confident people do anyway. The difference between having confidence and having a big ego is that confidence takes the COURAGE to say "i'm not perfect, but i'm working on it." Big-ego says "fuck that, i'm damn near perfect!"

Being confident doesn't mean being aggressive and tactless. Being confident doesn't mean being a standoffish bitch. Being confident doesn't mean constantly measuring yourself against the people around you. In fact, psychological research has shown that people with higher self-confidence engage in less social-comparison (measuring themselves).

Being high quality means relaxing and being social. Having fun. Not being desperate, needy, or taking value, but instead being assertive and GIVING value. So go around demonstrating personality, being social and having fun - you'll pique the interest of the Choosey Lover.

If you're a guy and you're a Choosey Lover and you want to get girls, it's important to remember that EVERYONE has value, even if they come off as a bitch at first. Dig thru their bullshit and give them a chance to let their true self shine thru. Being Choosey doesn't mean being so uppity, cocky, or arrogant that you're too 'picky' to talk to people. Instead, talk to EVERYONE. Every girl doesn't need to be a 10 in looks. However, don't lower your standards for anyone. I also see a lot of guys who are reasonably successful Choosey Lovers (Naturals in this case), but their ego's get in the way of them being EVEN BETTER at interacting with women.

Of COURSE you're successful with women. But did it ever occur to you that maybe you could be even MORE successful? Maybe that girl who just played you would've been friendlier if you had done something different? You often get in your own way when you're meeting women. The best advice i can give is to destroy your limiting beliefs, get out of your comfort zone and LEARN what's going on in these interactions.

Nerds:

Nerd guys are just like nerd girls. Nerd guys have a lot of similarities to shy guys - they're generally a shy bunch. However, the thing with nerd guys is there's almost always SOMETHING about which they get very excited. Hell, they're probably actually really GOOD at it too. Granted, this mysterious 'something' might be World of Warcraft or Dungeons and Dragons, but still! Many of them are smart guys, they're just a little clueless when it comes to chicks. What's cool about this is that they learn well, so if a Nerd ever has a freaky girlfriend, he's going to be fucking AMAZING in bed. Ladies, tell a nerd what you want and he'll fulfill your desires, be they emotional, mental or physical. All of this makes them great boyfriends.

What's funny is that many JOCKS and MUSICIANS are actually NERDS. When this is the case, all they know is the sport/music they're playing and they're clueless about chicks. Luckily it's cool to bang jocks and musicians so they matchup quite well with Groupies;) In fact, it's a match made in heaven!

Let me reiterate that i'm NOT knocking the Groupie/Nerd matchup. Basically the Groupie thinks it's fucking awesome that the Nerd does whatever it is they're good at, and the Nerd gets to express his personality without worrying about the initial attraction phase. It works out for both parties.

So for ladies that want to get with Nerds, find out what they do. If it's interesting to you, let them know you're interested in the same thing. Give them a chance to talk about whatever it is they love to do and you'll see just how awesome these guys are. You have to be assertive with these types in case you didn't pick up on that...

For the Nerd guys, if you want to get the ladies, find EVERY opportunity you can to relate whatever you're THING is to something about her. At the same time, diversify yourself. You don't want to be one of those guys where the girl says, "all he ever talks about is X." Granted there are those girls that LOOOVE "X". However, if you want to expand your horizons you'll have to learn about other things. Make sure you're not just talking about you and your thing, but RELATING it to HER. It lets her know you understand where she's coming from. By the way you'll also want to learn how to approach women... ;)

Comedians:

Ah yes, we all know some Comedians; Comedians are the guys who tell the jokes! They're usually funny as fuck, and often very fun to be around. It DOES happen that their personalities can be overbearing: sometimes they don't know when to stop or tone it down. You can spot a Comedian because he jokes at almost EVERYTHING. The thing about Comedians is that they basically NEVER pull the trigger. It's very easy for them to end up just being the fun-entertainer guy who all the girls know but none of them are having sex with.

For ladies that want to get with a Comedian, YOU are going to have to be the assertive one who escalates the situation. Comedy is good for attraction, so a Comedian will very often get STUCK in attraction and not escalate to connection or seduction. Actions speak louder than words with these guys. And have a sense of humor. Many times they don't run into people who can make THEM laugh.

For Comedians who want to get the girlz, PULL THE FUCKING TRIGGER. You need to TOUCH these girls, especially if they've already touched you! You should have no problem approaching girls - just say something random/funny that pops into your head, and keep it going. You being the comedian you are, they'll probably be laughing within a few minutes. If not she's being a dickhead so turn your back and go approach another girl.

You'll also want to ESCALATE. Get more personal, be more sexual. Ask them a question about themselves, relate it to yourself AND to something funny and/or sexual. Then, tell her something cool you noticed about her and tell her "lets chat sometime, i can see us having some laughs. What's your phone#?" and pull the trigger.

So there you have it. I might come back in and edit this so it looks prettier. Until then, keep it trill homies.

cheers!
JDanger

Being Assertive: 4th element revised

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 02:58:00 +0000

Hey there! Good to see you again. I've got something mind-bottling for you today...

Here's a good metaphor: Would you get on a train if you didn't know where it was going?

Some say yes, some say no. Depends on how adventurous you're feeling at the time. But what if you knew it was going somewhere fun and exciting? You'd probably go.

Same thing applies in this game of life. When you're interacting with someone, it's important to be assertive about your intentions. When i learned about the 4th element (relationship expectations) i realized that women want to know where the interaction is heading. I learned that you could tell the truth, women would get over it, and you'd have a happy relationship.

When i told people about it, including some guys i know who are quite loved by women, their reaction was negative: they totally didn't believe that you could tell the truth and still have the relationship you want.

Well, i got it right, mostly.

You can indeed tell the truth, but it doesn't have to be so serious or awkward. In fact, as a good friend says, "it's only as awkward as you make it." OR you CAN 'lie'.

But it's not the kind of lie that is meant to deceive, rather it's the kind of lie that is meant to communicate that the truth simply doesn't matter. "We're gonna get married and have great-grandkids." "We're gonna do the nasty then you can adopt multicultural kids and i'll raise them like Brad and Angelina." What this says is, 'Don't worry about it, we're having fun right now and that's what matters. Now where were we?'

OR you can tell her the bald truth: "i'll take you home and see how many times i can make your legs shake."

Either way, have some fun with it. But don't ever be afraid to communicate your interest. As long as you're coming from the right place, you have nothing to worry about. True, you recognize their value, but you are also a person of value and you're willing to walk away at the drop of a hat at any moment because you don't actually NEED them to feel valuable.

So sure, i walk up to a girl and communicate a shitload of interest. Then i'll turn my back and walk away and do it again to another girl. I'm fickle like that. Everyone has value, and it doesn't take me long to see someone's uniqueness. But just because i'm sexual doesn't mean i have sex; i'm selective.

Try it, it's awesome.

cheers!
JDanger

Being Selective and Discrete

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 21:03:00 +0000

Hi guys! Today i wanted to briefly discuss two important qualifiers: being Selective and Discrete, because i've really internalized these two traits lately.

I mean, i've always BEEN selective and discrete, but i never really understood what that meant and how to communicate it, until recently.

Sometimes it's easier to figure things out by looking at it backwards: what if i WASN'T selective and discrete? What does that say about me?

If i weren't selective it says that i'll take anything that comes my way. I'm desperate and needy.

If i weren't discrete that means i'm telling everyone all of my business. That means i'm in dire need of attention to make me feel valuable.

Both of those things imply that deep down inside i feel like i'm worthless.

Well, when you look at it like that, DUH. Of course the opposite sex isn't interested in someone who's not selective or discrete (assuming they are also selective and discrete).

So once your internal compass is aligned and you're coming from the right place, make sure you're communicating these two qualities about yourself. And plz don't try to fake it - the opposite sex is WAAAY too savvy. It's all in the nonverbals.

cheers mates,

JDanger