They want to run for 2013 elections. I sit here for hours and listen to them talk about planning, organizing, and staffing. These are useful discussions. But I have not heard anyone who talked about grassroot community organizing.

Who wants what from whom and how? is one question they need to ask. But nobody did. Nobody thought about it.

No media campaign can replace grassroot community organizing. People, more than money, can make you win.

A typical salesperson arms himself with gotcha answers to customer’s objections. This salesperson usually wins the verbal exchanges but loses the sale. Many of us are miseducated. We thought that the most prepared communicators are the ones with ready answers.

Great business people knows best.
They do not always give you the best answer. But they give you more opportunity to speak. They answer to encourage you to talk more. Your words are important to them and they want you to know that. They call this business building. Communication experts call this reflective listening.

What is reflective listening?
I consulted Wikipedia. Reflective listening is a communication strategy involving two key steps: seeking to understand a speaker’s idea, then offering the idea back to the speaker, to confirm the idea has been understood correctly. It attempts to “reconstruct what the client is thinking and feeling and to relay this understanding back to the client”.

Reflective listening shows whom you value.
When you use reflective listening you are communicating to the person that he and his message is important to you. You choose to give him your time and you reflect his message because you want to understand. Business begins with understanding customers needs. You build relationship by showing that the other party is important to you.

The next time you talk to someone – boss, subordinate, dauughter, or even an angry customer – try to use reflective listening. It will be difficult at first, but with constant practice, you will master this tool.

How to listen Reflectively
When several points are made, summarize the one that you want to focus on. This will help you keep the conversation pointed in the direction you want to take. When several emotions are expressed, reflect the final one. This is usually the more accurate. Keep your reflective listening short to keep the focus on the speaker. Only reflect what’s there – don’t start guessing. Wait out thoughtful silences. Most people are afraid of silence, but silence is golden in any conversation.

I hope this discussion helps you. When you have questions, contact me through inspire@jefmenguin.com

I think listening is the most underrated communication skill. Most people equate communication to speaking. Of course, you can readily observe how people talk and based on what they say you can measure how much they know. Unforatunately, you cannot measure the intelligence of a person who is merely listening. This is why some people consider one lady senator as an intelligent person.

The lady senator is an intellectual entertainer. She talks fast. She seems angry all the time. She does not like to hear answers when she asks questions for nobody has a right to debate with a senator judge. Nobody also expects her to listen for she does not seem interested to listen to lesser mortals.

But do not get me wrong. I am not singling her out. You and I have met individuals who do not seem to know how to listen. But why do we not listen better? Let me give you some reasons and tell me later which one is the most powerful.

1. We think that we have something better to say ourselves.
2. We have given no reason to listen. The speaker does not speak with sense.
3. We think we know what they’ll say.
4. There are too may distractions.
5. We’ve had a busy day and we’re too tired to listen carefully.
6. We’re busy listening to our own thoughts instead.
7. We do not like the speaker or the message.
8. Our minds are closed.
9. We filter the speaker’s message, hearing only what we want to hear.
10. We jump to conclusions. This person is on the side of the enemy.
11. We’d rather be talking so that we would feel more involved and more in control.
12. We’re thinking about what we’ll say when it’s our turn to speak.
13. We put what we hear into the context of our own experiences rather than trying to see things from the speaker’s point of view.
14. We mentally criticise the message of the speaker.
15. We keep talking because we are afraid we will no longer have another chance to talk.
16. We think the person is a liar.
17. We think it is better to educate the person for he does not know the consequences of his ideas.
18. We think that the person is abusive that we rather cover our ears with our hands than listen.
19. We have so much to say with so little time given to us.
20. We do not know when to stop talking.

I am not certain if the world will become a better place if people know how to listen. What I am certain is that I do not like a world where intelligent persons do not know how to listen better.