How each of these women arrived at these profound questions is of course unique. But they all bring a brave tenacity at finding the answers. As we wander around in these questions together, these are four areas (among many) we explore.

1. Relationships. The process of learning about ourselves is literally formed in relationship (the neuroscience of attachment with infants is mind-boggling), and learning to understand ourselves, to be powerful, and feel deeply in our souls and bodies doesn’t happen in isolation. What is the relational climate of your life like right now? Do you have relationships where you can explore this process? Where you can struggle with knowing what you think and feel? And where you can support and find role models in others learning to do the same? If this kind of relationship feels too few and far in between in your life, maybe it’s time for a deeper level of risk in the relationships you do have (friendships, marriage, etc.). Or it might be time for something structured and intentional, such as a group focused on these themes, or working with an individual therapist. Sometimes having a safe place to reflect on relationships and experiences after the fact is the most helpful way to get in touch with what you may have been feeling, but couldn’t feel or express in the moment.

2. Triggers. I wonder about the times when you are in touch with your body and feeling joy (or pain or anger or…). When does this tend to happen the most? Certain kinds of situations? A certain relationship? And when do you notice yourself shutting down? When in particular do you notice yourself not feeling anything? Maybe there’s a pattern, maybe not, but I’m sure it’s not a coincidence. (There’s always a good reason we’re feeling what we’re feeling, even if we don’t know yet what it is.) Wondering in this way could provide some good clues for you in the process of re-connecting with yourself.

3. Children. Do you have children in your life? Know someone who does? Pass any on the street lately? How do you see children learning about themselves? Sometimes they are our best teachers. Watch how they express themselves, discover, learn, and play. They are distracted by beauty, they touch and feel and smell. The next chance you get, go with a child on a walk. Do what they do and notice what you feel happening in your body. Be watching for when the young child in you wants to come out and join them. In this process, you may stumble upon grief. Give space for this pain. This is not an easy thing to do, but grief is a crucial part of the path into who you are, what you feel, and where you are powerful.

4. Journaling and art. Being creative and exploratory is an incredible way to be in both your emotional and your physical self. Finger painting. Collage. Collecting things in nature and making pictures out of them. In the journaling realm, there are a number of guided journaling books that can help get you thinking in ways you might not on your own. (The True and the Questions by Sabrina Ward Harrison, Life is a Verb by Patty Digh, and the morning pages practice from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way are three off the top of my head.)

We often know more than we think we know. Follow your impulses and intuitions about this process for yourself, even if it’s as simple as – I’m in over my head and need more help. What kind of help do you find yourself leaning into and wanting to explore? Many blessings to you along the way.

Originally published in http://www.newspiritjournal.com/.

♦  Visit several people and compare and contrast before you decide. Often therapists offer a free first session or consultation – ask about this when you call.

♦  Put a list of questions together to talk about with your potential therapist. You could start by asking them about their particular approach. You might have an idea of what you want your therapy to be like, or a particular issue you want to focus on. Check to see if this matches what the therapist offers.

♦  One of the more important questions I recommend asking is whether or not the therapist has been in therapy themselves. It’s important to be with a therapist who has done their own work.

♦  The best source of information about whether a therapist is a good fit for you is your gut. How did you feel when you talked with them? Was there something compelling about them? A spark? A feeling of hope? This isn’t the only guide but it’s a really good one.

Start with these and see where your thoughts take you. What other questions come to mind? What feels most important to you about the therapy process?

Many blessings on your search!

1. You’re struggling with your relationships. Maybe you just broke up with the same kind of guy or gal you always date. Maybe your spouse or partner is driving you crazy but he or she isn’t quite ready to go to counseling with you. Perhaps your mother came to visit and you became the worst version of yourself. Again. Maybe you want to feel closer to those you love but you can tell that abusive relationship from the past is getting in your way. We came into the world in relationship with others, and they bring us our deepest joys and greatest sorrows.

2. Your coping skills lack a certain finesse. Maybe instead of one glass of wise at night, you find yourself finishing the bottle. Maybe you’re starting to eat too much or too little. Or maybe the ways you cope used to work pretty well, but your life just got a lot more stressful and you’re feeling anxious more days than not, or wish you could stay in bed all day.

3. Someone important to you thinks it might be a good idea. It can be really hard to hear from a loved one that they don’t think we’re doing so well, but as a wise person said to me recently, no one can see themselves perfectly on their own. We need our loved ones to be mirrors. It’s a gift really – they can see things we can’t see! If someone you love is nudging you to get some help, they might be on to something.

4. You’re grieving or transitioning. Maybe someone dear to you just died. Or perhaps they died years ago and you haven’t thought about it until recently when your friend’s mom died, and you find yourself crying at the drop of a hat. Maybe you moved to a new city or just had your first baby or are finalizing your divorce. Life is full of a myriad of changes and transitions and sometimes they rock us to the core.

5. You feel stuck. And maybe that’s as specific as you can get about it. In some way you can’t quite put your finger on, the life you’re leading is not the one you thought you’d lead. Or maybe the way in which you’re stuck is very clear, but you aren’t sure how to move forward. We all come to crossroads in our lives and may need some help navigating our next steps.

Perhaps you see yourself in one of these five areas, or maybe you could add numbers 6-10 to the list. Therapy offers the gift of a safe place to wonder about yourself with someone who has put a lot of thought into the ways we struggle and try to find freedom. Perhaps most importantly, therapy is a place to be with someone will hope on your behalf. I welcome any questions you have about whether therapy is the right fit for you, what happens in therapy, and what kind of therapist might be most helpful for you.