In my younger years (stop laughing), I often sought out the words of my predecessors to find inspiration. I had an insatiable hunger for quotes filled with knowledge of life, love and happiness. I guess I figured that those who had traveled the road prior to me, would have the answers. The right way to find happiness and reach the ultimate goal of bliss. Was it in finding the right man, settling in the perfect town, landing the most illustrious career. All the things I was taught would bring joy. But, as each goal was checked off I still felt empty and unfulfilled. Confused and feeling lost after crossing off each task, I sorta gave up.

It wasn’t until this past year, and even this past few months did I realize that it was my very path and each task or event that made up happiness. It wasn’t just the pride of graduating college, it’s the late night study sessions eating junk food. Nor is it the wedding day, but more the small moments of laughter and challenges you overcome to get to that point. Lately, I find myself just holding and rubbing Steve’s hand. Cherishing the fact that we are here together, today and able to hold hands. It is this that makes me happy. It is less the idea that maybe one day we may own a home (well this could be exciting) and more the reality of just being able to be together. The fact that today we can go out and enjoy a meal together, whereas he was unable to eat last week. It’s funny how these things bring you closer together. I’ve heard it before, but never truly understood it until we lived it.

I have learned, from my own life, the true meaning of the above quote. That life is full of obstacles to be overcome (hey they build self esteem) and this is the main part of happiness, the journey.

Amidst all the personal challenges since March, we did manage to take a journey to Tuscany’s Spannocchia to celebrate our good friends’ (yes plural we love the bride and groom) wedding. Originally, we were supposed to photograph and video the event, but we’ve had a sudden change of plans and had to bow out. Thankfully, we were given last minute clearance to go for one week. It was a much needed trip to be around loved ones before our next challenge began at home.

Our trip made us realize that life is definitely a series of happy events, rather than a journey to reach a single place of happiness. It is these small chunks of time with loved ones that empower us to face the not so “happy” times. Our friends, Kim and Gary, had one of the most spectacular wedding weeks. Yes week. They had pizza night, cooking classes, an attempted trip to wineries, a ‘hen’ party in Siena, pool days and on and on and on. All these events were amazing, but mostly it was the time spent sitting, talking and sharing that I will remember the most.

I leave you with a few pictures I snapped. And an excuse for not blogging in a long time…

I know i haven’t blogged in months. I could have made this post a long winded explanation about what I’ve been doing and how I’ve been working way to much at my day job here, here,  and here -  among other places. But, I’m not going to make long winded excuses. I’m going out now to enjoy Friday Dinner with Steve and our good friend, Patrick.

a little laughter really never hurt anyone

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.  ~e.e. cummings

-H. G. Wells

A confession. I am not a vicious reader. However, I may possibly be the most ferocious reader of book jackets and reviews. The evidence can be found in the three foot pile sitting next to my bed, composed of anything from fiction to biography to “bettering your business” to “how to color in the lines”.

Occasionally, I do fail at avoidance.

I actually pick up a book and read past the inside cover. Once the journey begins and I’ve been captured by my prey, I’ve been known to sit for hours and days straight until I finish an entire book. Yes really, one whole book. Recently, I finished Three Cups of Tea in 2 sittings. (If you haven’t read this, it’s a must). To some this is no incredible feat, but for me it’s unheard of to be able to sit still for more than 20 minutes without some type of electronic gadget or my phone in hand.

Until recently, I’ve been trying to find something to match this masterpiece. Something to avoid attacking my guilty pile of book jackets. I found it the other day and of course it’s by the same author Greg Mortenson.

Primary education is a requirement in the United States.

Primary education in some other countries is a luxury. It is something fought for. It is something that elderly men will give up their lives fighting for. Something that young women are destroyed for. Local men will hike with 90lb bags of cement, 18 miles upriver in order to create a foundation for educating their youth. It is that important to them. The thirst for knowledge. The thirst to read.

Meanwhile, my 3 foot stack remains untouched, unread. My guilt can often creep in and hypocrisy strikes. In one moment I neglect the education at my fingertips, in the next I advocate  those who fight for growth.

I was thinking of the little girls I’ve photograph and how they are protected and nurtured. Parents treasuring their innocence wanting to capture every little moment. Amazed by their first words, the first time they put letters together and read a word.  Learning at such a young age to read, paint, communicate, color, dress up, explore and laugh freely. Able to roam freely. Able to experience an education. Able to dream.

We live in such an incredible country. And cheesy as it may be, I’m proud to be American. And I’m so fortunate to be able to see the next generation grow and discover.

Equally so, I am proud of people like Greg Mortenson who share that freedom and spread it across country lines. One day I hope I can pay my education forward. For now I will attempt to race over to that gigantic pile of books and get past the front cover  before a ‘catastrophe’ happens and the pile falls on me whilst sleeping.

Mountains can never reach each other, despite their bigness. But humans can.

-afghan proverb

]]> http://jenberry.com/blog/2010/01/the-race/feed/ 14 http://jenberry.com/blog/2010/01/5-minutes-of-worth/ http://jenberry.com/blog/2010/01/5-minutes-of-worth/#comments Sun, 10 Jan 2010 18:23:16 +0000 admin http://jenberry.com/blog/?p=1915 if you have five free minutes…

[found here - Chris Brogan]

to many it provided an escape from the opposite of life. a freedom from unfathomable persecution.

my friend made this documentary about his mother’s life. it has oscar buzz. i hope it wins.

Ingelore: A film by Frank Stiefel from Frank Stiefel on Vimeo.

No resolutions here.

I know what you’re thinking, Yeah right, Jen is completely and constantly motivated. Always living each day to the fullest and doesn’t need to set goals. I think not. And, yes I know you’re not thinking that, au contraire….   Instead, you’re really thinking, bah humbug, ms negativity. And, you’re right.

Around here, things don’t exactly run like a daily Tony Robbins Seminar.  A typical DickBerry (yes that’s our hollywood mash up name combo of dickter/berry) day changes on a moments notice or a good night’s sleep. Accomplishments are either determined by  the simple question of ‘what should we do today’ or based on a physical feeling…  waking up in a good mood, aka “motivated” or a bad mood, dreadfully “lazy”.

I don’t want to be self righteous or wordy in this post. I want to say that 2009 basically sucked on some levels. But, simultaneously, it was a a year of evolution for Steve and I. Marriage, shifts in sentiments about careers, connections with amazing people. Throughout last year “once i…” was phrase that engulfed our vocabulary. Once I beat Cancer. Once I finish this commercial. Once I get through October 1st. Once January 1st, 2010 arrives and Steve is better. Once 2009 is over we’ll be able to have small talk with people. Once I have time I’ll blog.

For some reason in 2009, a year became important. We set a date for January 1, 2010 for the big transition back to normalcy. Well yesterday (in case you didn’t know) that date came. And, although Steve is cancer free right now, he’s not 100 percent. I know healing will come in one way or another. And if it doesn’t we will adapt, because what’s the alternative.  And, what is normalcy. There is no one on this earth that lives without heartache; without sickness; without death.  We are not immune. We are not special.

Well then the question arises of Why should I write a New Years Post then? The answer is… I had a good nights sleep. not really.

Think of it more as a reality check. Resolution, by very definition is a decision to do something or to behave in a certain manner.  I don’t need January 1st to change the way I behave or some catastrophic event to stop the cycle of  “once I…”.  The year of 2009 was  difficult. But it was also a year of realization that making a decision to “behave in a certain manner” doesn’t need to come from a date or a specific incident. The origins of change can occur in an instant; to anyone. And the change doesn’t need to be gigantic or socially impressive. It just needs to be true. True to your soul. True to your existence. It can be as small as waking up 2 minutes earlier and just staring outside to appreciate a cloud, a leaf, a beam of light.  Or it can encompass an effort to treat others with respect. To make mends with someone lost. To reach out to someone who is broken. To put yourself others shoes, empathy.

Upon reflection, the lack of living in the moment and focusing on the future was a necessary survival for 2009. It allowed us to internally focus; to keep a clear head. It brought us introspection and appreciation for simplicity. It made us realize that having each other is priceless. It made us realize that we aren’t alone. We have incredible families and friends (true friends, people that call, write, send us cards, make time for a cup of coffee or wine). Yes we have goals. Yes they have changed and maybe for the best. Who knows. We are still trying to make sense of our experience. So much is out of our hands. What we can control is appreciation. Instead it is now, carpe momentum.

“keep dreaming!!!  keep seeing the big picture and the beautiful little details of life along the way!!!

from my friend Ray who is a fighter and so courageous

]]> http://jenberry.com/blog/2010/01/once-i/feed/ 6 http://jenberry.com/blog/2009/10/pablove-fear/ http://jenberry.com/blog/2009/10/pablove-fear/#comments Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:53:47 +0000 admin http://jenberry.com/blog/?p=1799 Warning. This is a long, but important post.

I remember it so distinctly. The pacing of the halls. I knew I should be in the room with him, holding his hand. He had refused. I had quickly accepted the safe route and thought the world outside his room would be less tumultuous (for me). For that day was the day that Steve would receive a bone marrow biopsy. Rumors of treacherous pains lead me to believe that I couldn’t watch. I felt guilty.  Guilty that I wasn’t physically bedside. Either way, pain or not, there was a deeper issue at heart. The results. The unknown outcome.  The inability to help.  As Steve was experiencing this moment, I was in utter disbelieve and overwhelmed with helplessness. Had I remained bedside during the procedure, I would have worsened the situation. Instead, I chose to roam the hallways in search of some serenity or guidance.

Pacing up and down.  Each time, tempted to look through the doorways into the unknown journey that many others had started before me. This was the oncology floor at UCLA Santa Monica Hospital.  At first thoughts, not exactly a place of serenity and hope.  Mixed feelings of intrigue, despair, guilt, and desperation overtook my entire being. The feelings so intense that my heart actually ached. A rare feeling that I had falsely experienced in my younger years.  A feeling so strong that it overcomes your entire being.   I had heard of people who have collapsed, fainted, or felt dizzy while experiencing this state. But, in the past cynicism had always ruled my thoughts making this feeling seemingly gratuitous and unlikely. However, I was wrong. This time it was unlike any other emotion I had felt. True fear, true despair. For the first time in my life I understood the real meaning of a word. Not only did I understand it, I felt it. Fear, the “feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.” I remember this day distinctly. It was the day I cried, alone, on my home late in the evening. I wasn’t sure I would be able to drive home that day. I knew what it meant to be physically paralyzed by emotion. For someone that has always be in control of emotion, this was unlike anything I had experienced. This day I felt something that only someone  threatened with the loss of a loved one, can understand. I felt things like these:

“life altering”

“to feel helpless is devastating”

“possibility of them not being with you”

“every single time they are tired, you have to take it seriously”

“amazed at the generosity of others, but you’d give it up in a second to not see your child suffer”

These are all words spoken by mothers of children with cancer. And, although, I experienced a spouse with cancer, these words resonant with me. As I watched the clip below, I again felt each single word as it is spoken. Throughout the past year, I have met so many amazing people. People that you wish you’d met under different circumstances. We’ve had good friends fight cancer, some winning, some unfortunate and some still fighting. Our very close friend has been fighting Melanoma for almost 2 years now. Originally, not expected to live, he has now had one clear PET scan, but recently reoccurring in his spine and brain. Regardless he has made it this far with the support of others. Friends, family, research and even those he doesn’t know.  He emailed me 2 days ago, “life is funny, sad, shocking, raw, amazing, and full of surprises.  I love life!!!!” … this just 3 days after brain surgery. He has a true appreciation for friends, family, support and an immense love for his doctors and their dedication to research. I don’t want to get into the politics of health care. But, I do want to address the need for help. Help of people’s daily experiences. Help for research. Help for making people’s journeys as comfortable as relatively possible.

It is with this that I ask for your support. MY DONATION LINK (click here)

Cancer research has helped Steve survive. Years ago he would have passed. I realize there are so many charities in need. But for some reason I am so drawn to one local, becoming International, grass roots charity. Lead by Jeff Castelaz & Jo Ann Thrailkill., Pablove directly benefits Childrens Hospital LA.  Unfortunately, their son Pablo lost his battle at the heart wrenching young age of 6. But, they are still so thankful for the treatment and care they received.  And, even though Steve is an adult and Pablove Foundation is for Childrens Hospital LA, I feel that any cancer research helps everyone.  You really don’t know when it may effect you, a loved one, a friend of a friend. The more we research, we prevail. The more we make families and children comfortable at the hospital, the more they prevail. The more access to treatment, the higher the cure rates. All obvious stuff. All in need of financing.  Jeff & Joann deserve your help. They are incredible leaders, fighters, givers and just amazing human beings. They don’t want people to ever have to feel the loss they still feel on a daily basis.

Here are some mothers who unfortunately know cancer. Support them.

You can support below. Jeff Castelaz is riding 3000 miles across the US on his road bike to raise money for Childrens Hospital.

(don’t worry you don’t have to sponsor per mile, but you can)

Or if you cycle you can join the ride in your city (Click here) (THE MORE THE MERRIER) and raise money for yourself HERE (Click here)
I have many friends riding with him. You can make your own group.

If you need resources for you or a loved one, go here

And, lastly i leave you with 3 pictures of Steve’s journey

…full of waiting and wondering and unknown

some pain and frustration (sorry the photo is blown out)

And in Steve’s True nature, some laughter.

Thank you. MUCH.