! !! (exclamations are overused, don’t you think?)

Disclaimer: This Meatless Monday features fish, because, by golly, to me, fish is meatless. (Sorry vegans!) Plus, we’ve got a lot of fish to eat in the freezer. Plus, plus, Morgan was gone and she moans and groans about fish, so I took advantage of [...]]]>

All from The Steamy Kitchen Cookbook!

!
!!
(exclamations are overused, don’t you think?)

Disclaimer: This Meatless Monday features fish, because, by golly, to me, fish is meatless. (Sorry vegans!) Plus, we’ve got a lot of fish to eat in the freezer. Plus, plus, Morgan was gone and she moans and groans about fish, so I took advantage of her absence.

So anyway, here is what I made:

• Kabayaki Fish with Halibut and Salmon
• Asian Brussels Sprouts
• Summer Rolls with Shrimp (instead of lemon grass pork)
• Steamed Artichoke (because it was getting gross in the fridge) (not from Steamy Kitchen)

It was all delicious.

…No one was sure if we would like the fish and everyone was wishing for the Halibut from New Year’s in the coconut basil sauce, but I said, “No! We must forge new paths, expand our palates! Be adventurous!”

And what I say goes.

My Mom and Dad were here again, depositing their little Pippi before heading off on their next adventure tomorrow (skiing in Big Sky), and as usual, my Dad began to unload all the perishable contents that he had cleaned out of their refrigerator into mine. Among the bounty was a half a bag of brocco-slaw or whatever it’s called — coleslaw made from broccoli stems. He kept trying to get me to use it. In the brussels sprouts. In the summer rolls. He can be very persistent.

And while they would have been just fine in either, I refused.

I like to help him feel young by acting like I did when I was 15: Belligerent. Angry. Selfish. Impatient. It keeps him on his toes.

I like to think of it as a kindness…

In hindsight, I’m kicking myself for not using them to make the broccoli stem pickles from the cookbook. I made those a couple months ago and they were the best. And it would have made my Dad so happy.

Regrets. Regrets.

They’ll get you no where.

I’m going to make them tonight instead, to serve with — what else? — halibut with coconut and basil sauce. [Because I took too darn much fish out to thaw yesterday and we didn't cook it all.]

Anyway, I’m not sure of the protocol for sharing recipes from cookbooks online. Is that cool? Or is it a copyright infringement? I didn’t really mod these at all, except for omitting the pork in the summer rolls and using shrimp instead. So I’m going to check with Jaden, the author, to make sure that it is OK.

In the meantime, I must say, The Steamy Kitchen Cookbook is amazing. I have made about 7 things out of it so far and each one has been really, really good. I recommend it whole-heartedly. It has quickly become one of my favorites. Very time-realistic, uses short cuts where short cuts make sense and delicious outcomes every time. Can’t wait to make more from it.

Tonight’s biggest epiphany was the summer rolls. I have made these for years. However it has been years since I made them.

Does that make sense?

In other words, I probably made my first summer roll ten years ago. And I probably made my last one about three years ago. Why? Not because we don’t love them. (We do)

But because they are a pain in the ass! Those futzy rice paper wrappers, tearing all the time. It’s enough to make you cry! But I noticed in the cookbook, Jaden has a method of folding them in half before rolling. It worked like magic! Why didn’t I ever think of that? Plus, she really emphasized the need to use warm — not hot — water. And to only briefly dip: 2 seconds on each side. You begin with the wrapper still slightly stiff. It all sounded crazy. I was pretty skeptical.

But it worked.

Like magic!

I already said that!

!
!!!
They were so stretchy and strong, I couldn’t believe they were rice paper wrappers.

My Mom and Dad ate them all. I didn’t even get one.

I’m kidding. I got one.

One measly roll.

My revenge is to post this picture of my dad with his mouth full. Isn’t he a cutie?

[PS. I heard back from Jaden on Twitter and she said "Yes! Please share!" So I will update tonight or tomorrow with recipes. Here they are:]

Fresh Vietnamese Summer Rolls (for 4)

Her recipe calls for a delicious-sounding Lemongrass Pork, but it being Meatless Monday, I used steamed shrimp instead. These are my quantities with a few additions from the original recipe]

• 8 rice paper wrappers
• 4 pieces of lettuce
• 1/2 cucumber, peeled and cut into long match-sticks
• 1 carrot, peeled and cut into long match-sticks
• 1 avocado, cut into long strips
• handful of fresh mint
• handful of basil and or cilantro
• 12 peeled and steamed shrimp, cut in half lengthwise

Cut all ingredients and have them ready to use on a plate. Fill a large pie plate with warm, not hot, water. Dip one rice paper wrapper into water, for 2 seconds, flip and dip the other side for 2 seconds. Basically, you are just slowly running the wrapper thru the water on each side. The rice paper will still be slightly stiff. Lay it on a dry cutting board and fold it in half. It will be like creasing paper. Lay your ingredients on top and roll snugly. By this time the wrapper with be soft and stretchy. Serve with peanut dipping sauce. She includes a recipe, but given the chaos in my kitchen at the time, I used LeeAnn Chin brand Peanut Sauce in the bottle from my refrigerator.

Kabayaki Fish (Grilled or Pan Seared)

Her recipe calls for any firm white fleshed fish. I used both Halibut and Salmon. Equally good. And actually, even though our family favorite is halibut, everyone agreed it was a perfect glaze for salmon. It edged out halibut as the favorite.

• 4 firm fish fillets, about 4-6 oz, rinsed and dried
• 1 T cooking oil
• 6 cups steamed short grained rice
• One handful of toasted seaweed shreds (Nori) SHOOT! I knew I forgot something!!
• 2 T thinly sliced green onion for garnish
• For the Kabayaki Sauce:
• 1/2 c soy sauce
• 1/2 c mirin (Japanese sweet rice wine)
• 3 T sugar

In a small saucepan over medium heat, stir together the Kabayaki Sauce ingredients. When sauce begins to bubble, immediately turn heat to low and let simmer for 4-5 minutes, until thick enough to coat the back of a spoon. Be careful, as the sauce can easily thicken too much and you’ll end up with caramel! [Because I have a lot of experience with overly thick sauces like reduced balsamic, caramels and the like, I was overly careful and did not let mine thicken quite enough. It was still delicious, but did not look as beautiful as her picture in the cookbook.]

Set large frying pan over high heat. When the pan is very hot, add the oil and swirl to coat. Lay fillets in the pan, not touching. Fry about 2 minutes, until the bottoms are browned. Brush Kabayaki Sauce on tops and flip over. Brush the bottoms and fry for another minute or two, until the fillets are cooked through and flake easily with a fork.

Serve over rice. Pour remaining Kabayaki Sauce over fillets and rice and top with Nori and green onion slices.

Asian Brussels Sprouts (for 4)

• Shred or thinly slice about 1 pound of brussels, give or take a few
• 1 T cooking oil
• 1/2 red onion thinly sliced
• 1 fresh minced chilli of your choice [mine were the frozen variety from last year's garden]
• 2 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1 1/2 t fresh lime juice
• 1 1/2 t fish sauce [don't let fish sauce averse people see this. They will never notice but it adds a LOT of flavor]
• 1/2 – 1 t sugar (to taste)
• Generous pinch of salt

Heat wok over high heat. When hot, add oil and swirl to coat. Then add onion and chilli, and fry for 30 seconds. Add the garlic and fry another 30 seconds, being careful not to burn. Add brussels and stir well to mix.  Then spread the mixture out around the wok in an even layer and let cook for 1 minute. You want them slightly soft at the leafy ends, but retaining a crunch at the stem ends. [I got busy multi-tasking and overcooked a bit and they were still awesome].

Add the lime juice, fish sauce, sugar and salt and stir vigorously to combine. Taste and adjust seasonings if necessary and serve hot.

Would I be a loser if I admitted that it is 10:45 am and I am laying — not in, but on top of — my bed, messing around on my computer? First of all, it is a Saturday, my day of rest. Second, I am nursing an illness. A cold. A manly/sexy low voice. [...]]]>

Would I be a loser if I admitted that it is 10:45 am and I am laying — not in, but on top of — my bed, messing around on my computer? First of all, it is a Saturday, my day of rest. Second, I am nursing an illness. A cold. A manly/sexy low voice. Before the phlem, but after the aches. And I believe laying on my bed will improve my chances at a speedy recovery. Am I still a loser?

Dave says yes.

No worries. I have the self-esteem to weather that particular storm.

So, I’m writing. I love to write. I just don’t usually have the time… Oh boy… you’re in for a treat today!

Actually, I do worry how often clients end up on this particular site and wonder how it is that I manage to post ‘Meatless Monday X’ when they are still waiting for their project to be delivered. It’s a valid concern because it happens a lot. It’s psychology for another post; my need to procrastinate work until the last possible moment…

Anyway, enough of that depressing topic. I’ve been on a bread baking flurry. I used to only make it once a week, but I now seem to be on at least a 2x-a-week schedule. Plus, the first week of every month through June, I am committed to delivering an additional 12 loaves to two silent auction winners that bid on and won 8 months of bread deliveries. I just completed my fifth month and it has really made me feel the need to expand my repertoire. I tend to stick to my favored techniques and recipes, up on YouTube, that I can do it in my sleep. And yet…

I want and need more.

Not just because I worry about the bread auction recipient’s satisfaction, but because every once in a while, I come across a baguette that speaks to me. Unfortunately, I can’t exactly put my finger on what it is that is so different from my own bread. I’m not that skilled, I guess. So, I’ve spent the last hour on the internet reading about bread and looking at a couple newer books. Good Lord in Heaven. No wonder people are afraid of making bread. If you get caught up in the BS, it’s enough to make anyone cower: Hydration, crumb, retardation…

Now there’s a word that I can understand: retardation.

Oh forget it. I’ll just get in trouble.

What is the name of this post again?

I’ll try to bring it back around. Because of all the bread I’m baking, I had to re-visit Jim Lahey and Mark Bittman’s No-Knead Bread recipe in order to bring enough variety of loaves to the auction winners without spending an insane amount of time on new recipes. I tried the recipe when it first came out three years ago and thought it was sort of a pain in the ass, what with the pre-heating of the pan, the spastic flopping of the dough into the pan, etc. At the time, I had no knead of it. (ha ha. couldn’t resist).

However, since then, I had to start making loaf pan styles to satisfy Charlie’s desire for “Wonderbread” type bread. To be honest, I absolutely detest — DETEST — making bread in a loaf pan. Why? because I’m bad at it. Sometimes they rise too much, sometimes not enough. They make me feel like a failure. It makes me mad. Bread should not have the ability to ruin your day. I’ve slowly weaned him off the need for standard loaf bread in favor of ciabatta and the No-Knead Boules.

When I started making the No Knead Bread again though, it brought up this long-standing issue I’ve had with my Le Creuset Pans. And that is: why do mine always look like shit? Everywhere I’d read said that the No-Knead method was safe for Le Creuset, the exception being the black plastic knob on the lid, and even that was probably OK. Yet, taking mine out of the oven was always heart-wrenching. Discolored areas, finger marks baked on to the exterior. The interior dark and frightening. For crying out loud, was it only me? Why am I always ruining my pans?! Isn’t enameled cast iron supposed to be practically indestructible?

Every maddening cooking blog or TV show with Le Creuset shows these sparkling, gleaming pans. I’m willing to believe television cooks get new pans for their shows, but bloggers? How can it be that bloggers, who presumably cook a lot, can have perfectly new and shiny Le Creuset pans? Mine look like shit. [Sorry, I can't help but swear so much. It's a very emotional topic for me. Another inexplicable failure.]

I have used every trick in the book, on the internet and at the store. The only thing that can even come close to restoring my pan to a usable state after a particularly frisky pan-sear or oven tour is Bar Keepers Friend. But even with that, my pans are hopeless. They look like I’ve had them for 50 years — at least. I even replaced the first two that I received as wedding presents because I thought they were ruined. Now I just live with them, since the ‘new’ ones look just like the old ones I replaced. And I am now a miser which prevents me from frivolous expenditures.

No new pans for me. Well. No new Le Creuset Pans for me.

You see, in order to be able to peacefully make the No-Knead pot bread method without angst over ruining my bazillion-dollar pans, I decided to pick up an old enameled cast iron pan from an antique store. Problem was, I couldn’t find any around here. So I called my trusty parents in Hayward and had them go back to the place I got all my latest ones. They, too, were out! …the heck? On their second stop, they found a bountiful selection. After a tense phone call, fraught with impatience on my part — no, I don’t remember why; I’m always impatient — they selected a light blue one that I love. It’s slightly smaller than the 5-quart size recommended by Lahey for his bread. I like the smaller size because I find the bread rises up more than out. The interior is crazed/crackled, but it really doesn’t matter. I cleaned it all up nice. I just love it.

But just to illustrate what happens to me, when I cook the bread, this is what it looks like when it comes out of the oven:

I have to wonder who else suffers this pan-wrecking affliction?

I also have to wonder how other food bloggers keep their pans looking so perfect?

Baking soda, salt and vinegar?

Isn’t that the recipe for those exploding volcanos?

I’ll stick to Bar Keepers Friend.

I wasn’t going to post this, but I have the pictures — well, I have pictures of the remnants — and the kids won’t stop talking about them. Begging for more. Stalking my life. Ruining my days.

Why don’t I just make the damn things for them again?

Because I hate deep frying. HATE IT.

It stinks the [...]]]>

I wasn’t going to post this, but I have the pictures — well, I have pictures of the remnants — and the kids won’t stop talking about them. Begging for more. Stalking my life. Ruining my days.

Why don’t I just make the damn things for them again?

Because I hate deep frying. HATE IT.

It stinks the kitchen up. It stinks me up (and since I only shower once a week, that tends to be a problem). It’s messy. It’s wasteful (of oil). It’s unhealthy.

Now I’m regretting saying that about my shower habits. I was kidding. I shower at least twice a week.

Anyway.

These are the little fritters I concocted to make up for the loss of bacon on our potato soup from a few Meatless Mondays ago. As I said then, I have no idea how satisfying they were, because the kids ate them all before I had a chance to try them in my soup.

And they keep asking me to make them again.

And I don’t want to.

But they really were good.

So maybe you want to make them and invite my kids over?

[It was worth a try.]

I used a batter similar to the one used on the Fuddrucker’s french fries that I made for Morgan’s birthday. Much runnier though. And I was miserly with the oil for frying.

Cuz I’m a miser.

I called them my Homemade Durkee Fried Onions. You know those things that come in a can and go on top of casseroles? It’s not that I have anything against the real thing, but I didn’t have any on hand, and I wasn’t going to make a special trip…

Homemade Durkee Onions

• 1 onion sliced almost paper thin with mandoline
• 1/2 c flour
• 1/2 t salt
• 1/2 t paprika
• 1/2 t ground black pepper
• 1/2-3/4 c water
• oil for frying

Heat the oil in a small skillet (Well, I use a small skillet because I’m an oil miser and it takes less. If you want to be done faster, use a larger skillet and more oil)

In a shallow pan or plate (I use a pyrex pie pan) stir together dry ingredients. Slowly add just enough water until you have a very runny batter.

Slice the onion very, very thin. I use a mandoline/food slicer for uniformity.

Test a drop of batter in the oil (or use a deep fry thermometer. It should be 350-375 degrees). If the batter instantly bubbles and doesn’t burn, the oil is ready.Using a fork, drag the onions through the batter.

Put a few into the hot oil at a time. They will want to stick together. You can either be obsessive about putting the tiny rings in one at a time, or you can pull them apart once they come out of the oil.

Cook until they are nicely browned, but not black. You want them crispy!

Warning: hide until ready to use. Like strips of bacon, and socks in the dryer, they tend to disappear.

It’s about time for a gardening post, don’cha think? Even though I’m getting my annual end-of-the-winter cold and feel pretty crappy, I was still chomping at the bit to go up to the barn and clean out the greenhouse yesterday. For crying out loud, the thermomulator said 40 [...]]]>

Yes: when the mud starts flowing, it’s Spring.

It’s about time for a gardening post, don’cha think? Even though I’m getting my annual end-of-the-winter cold and feel pretty crappy, I was still chomping at the bit to go up to the barn and clean out the greenhouse yesterday. For crying out loud, the thermomulator said 40 degrees!

I didn’t get to it until early evening, right after I walked The Sociopath and before I started dinner. Given that my greenhouse is single-paned glass, I finally gave up heating it in the winter. Oh, I tried everything: bubble wrap insulation, Refletex (or whatever that silver bubble stuff is called), shrink wrapped film, plastic, passive heat (water filled 40 gallon drums painted black). You know I gave it my obsessive all.

And I also gave it most of my money.

Even with all my tricks, it still cost a lot to heat it, so I gave up.

Now, my program is to keep whatever I am trying to overwinter in the greenhouse until the sub-zero temps hit. Then I move everything into the garage, where it sits until the sub-zero temps are over —  without light or water, at about 33-45 degrees.

I always screw it up.

This year, I failed to get the plants out of the greenhouse when the temps dipped into the -20 range. Amazingly, I only lost two plants, albeit two of my favorites — the two 5-foot tall upright rosemary plants. Boo. There is still a chance that they will come back, but as of yesterday, they were looking pretty crispy.

I’m sure I will continue to battle low temps as we wade our way through March. Why, just this morning it was only 7 degrees! I do have a small heater in there, but the energy miser is resistant to turning it up much above freezing.

[The energy miser is me. Just ask anyone who comes to my house during daylight hours during the winter.]

Anyway, I swept the greenhouse out, being that it is pretty much a giant home for the fat cats all winter long. They while the days away in the sun with my giant garden toad,

making a mess, whittling away the legs of the benches.

…Eventually these redwood posts will simply collapse. But that is probably better than scratching the other stuff in the barn, right?

It was fun to drag all the plants back into the sunshine and water them. Just look at the rosemary plants — all ready to bloom!

It amazes me that they make it through the dark winter in the barn. No light, no water. Even the transplants from last fall look pretty good. Nice and green.

Soon I’ll be filling the spaces with little pots of seedlings.

So that I can forget to water them and throw them away.

Nice to know that there is someone out there more disorganized than you, isn’t it?

I forgot to take the final picture again. Should I have it for lunch so that I can rectify this recurring nightmare?

(pause for 30 minutes.)

Yes. I really did go heat up, photograph and eat the leftovers for lunch. It was good. And now I have a picture. Win-win.

I continue to [...]]]>

Lentil Meatballs with Tomato Cream Sauce

I forgot to take the final picture again. Should I have it for lunch so that I can rectify this recurring nightmare?

(pause for 30 minutes.)

Yes. I really did go heat up, photograph and eat the leftovers for lunch. It was good. And now I have a picture. Win-win.

I continue to agonize about what stuff to make on Meatless Mondays. It seems I am constantly being foiled on one level or another through this whole deal, and yesterday was no disappointment. I returned back from a ski trip with Dave (hence no new posts last week) to find my house destroyed, no food in the house, dishes and laundry up to my eyeballs.

Kidding.

I only said that to upset my Mom, who has begun to read my blog. I like to keep things interesting for her and make sure she is paying attention. Because you see, she and my dad are the the ones who stayed at my house with the kids.

The house was fine. She did the laundry.

All they really did ‘wrong’ was eat the shrimp I was planning to use for Meatless Monday yesterday.

Which was entirely fine, as I had another plan up my sleeve.

A few weeks ago, Jennifer Perillo, a friend on Twitter, posted an intriguing photo and labeled it “lentil ricotta meatballs.” They looked so good and have been on my brain ever since. The timing was perfect, as she posted the recipe last week. Just in time for me!

I won’t retell her delicious recipe story. You can find out all the details by visiting her yourself. She is an amazing cook. Very inventive and creative. Not like me at all. I have very few epiphanies where I entirely create my own thing. Rather, I put my own spin on other people’s things. Necessity being my mother of invention, since I refuse to go to the grocery store to buy necessary ingredients.

Anyway, I digress. Visit Jennie (yes, she spells it the same as me) to find out how to make these delicious meatballs step-by-photographed-step.

Mine were successful, but next time, I would make a few adjustments to my process. My beans were runnier than hers and I needed more bread crumbs. I would, for sure, recommend going the extra mile with the bread crumbs. I used some from a can in my pantry. They were almost a year old. I could taste them. And I would have preferred to taste some of my own delicious bread used as bread crumbs.

I also used pureed cottage cheese in place of her homemade ricotta.

Cuz I was lazy.

That, too, would have made a yummy difference.

I also threw in some additional italian seasonings of oregano, basil, and garlic.

Finally, my sauce. I used frozen tomato sauce made last fall from the garden, which was good. Added some really wrinkly grape tomatoes (which weren’t)…

…garlic, sage, red wine, about 1/4 cup of half and half, and a dash of sugar. The sauce was good. I just wish we’d have had more, because when I put the meatballs into the sauce, they seemed to cannibalize it. I think they absorbed some of it. Which would have been just fine if there had been enough to start with. Still. Were I to do it again, I’d keep them separate until the end.

In hindsight, I would have also changed one other thing.

I would have lied to Charlie that they were made with lentils.

He was totally freaked out. Not that he doesn’t like lentils, because he does. He just couldn’t get his mind wrapped around the fact that the meatballs were made out of lentils. So he picked and picked. Finally ate them and liked them. He kept staring at the innards and saying, “I don’t get how these are lentils.”

Plain and simple: lying would have been the way to go.

I could almost call this Stone Soup. It’s practically the same thing.

Wait, no. That sounds bad. This really is good soup. It’s seems to make a lot of something out of practically nothing. So, in that way it is like stone soup.

It is a very old family recipe.

Actually, like most things I say, [...]]]>

Lowly Potato Soup.

I could almost call this Stone Soup. It’s practically the same thing.

Wait, no. That sounds bad. This really is good soup. It’s seems to make a lot of something out of practically nothing. So, in that way it is like stone soup.

It is a very old family recipe.

Actually, like most things I say, I don’t even know if that is true. It seems like a very old family recipe to me, probably because we don’t have one of those families with a rich tradition of cooking — passing recipes from generation to generation — like some. I remember eating this as a kid. And it wasn’t my mom’s recipe. It was my aunt’s. And my aunt couldn’t cook. So how this recipe came to be a success is a complete mystery, unless it was never hers to begin with. Hence the lore that is is an “old family recipe.”

How’s that sound?

Anyway, this was yet another Meatless Monday where we were not together for dinner. I had my monthly bookclub meeting. It was being held at the best cook in the club and I wasn’t going to miss it for anything. Not even if swedish meatballs were on her menu. Oh my gosh. Those swedish meatballs…

…are fodder for another post….as soon as I wrangle the recipe away from her.

I will be eating meatless today (Tuesday) to make up for my Meatball Monday transgressions and will be looking forward to the potato soup. I should mention that Dave was leaving town again Tuesday, so I couldn’t just push Meatless off until today, because — by God, he was not missing another Meatless Monday, I was going to see to that. So I made them the soup before I left for bookclub. Simple as that.

So the soup. What can I say about it? It is very plain. It is very smooth. It is very plain and smooth.

And also, it is very cheap.

And for some reason, every body seems to love it.

Oh, and it is very, very easy. It must be, because, like I said, my aunt was able to make it without burning it.

But there is nothing spectacular about it. It is just creamy potato goodness.

Oh I forgot another thing: it is very healthy, too. Barely a fat-gram to its name. (Assuming you are not one of the non-carbohydrate freaks of nature.)

So here it is:

Aunt Rita’s Potato Soup (for lack of a better name)

• Russet potatoes, any size
• cold water to cover
• 3T flour
• 3T butter
• salt & pepper to taste
• cheese for garnish
• bacon bits if you are not partaking in Meatless Monday!
• fried homemade durkee onions if you ARE partaking in Meatless Monday*

* which I will post if anyone is interested. They were so good!

Put unpeeled, whole cleaned potatoes in a large dutch oven or saucepan with a lid. (for 4 people with left overs, I used 4 baker-sized potatoes) Cover potatoes with cold water by about 1/2″ – 1″. Bring to a simmer and partially cover. Cook until potatoes are tender. DO NOT THROW OUT THE BOILING WATER. Drain the potatoes, reserving the water.

Let potatoes slightly cool and peel. Put the potatoes back into the pot and mash. You can put them thru a ricer or food mill first, for perfectly smooth potatoes, or you can use a hand masher. The idea for this soup is to get it mostly smooth.

For the roux, put 3 tablespoons of flour and 3 tablespoons of butter in a small skillet, stirring together as the butter melts. Cook, bubbling, over low to medium low heat about 5 minutes — just until the mixture barely turns a shade darker. (If you are making soup for less than 4 or 5, cut the flour and butter to 2T each.)

Over low to medium heat, add the cooking water back to the mashed potatoes, stirring until smooth, then add the roux stirring well. Simmer 10 minutes or so, adding more water if soup is too thick. Salt and pepper to taste. (it will need salt!)

My cousins insisted that you had to put the shredded cheese into the bottom of the bowl, so of course we do, using cojack or cheddar or whatever else green-sided hunk of cheese we find in the fridge. Then, add the soup and top with garnish of your choice. The garnish being a Menke addition.

Here is the picture Morgan took of her bowl, with the fried onion crisps, which were my attempt to combat the yearning for bacon. They scarfed them up so fast there were hardly enough for the garnish. Lord knows there weren’t any left for me today, so I can’t say one way or the other if the idea worked.

And here was my bowl that I had for lunch today. I added some chopped frozen chives for a little kick:

OK, I lied. I couldn’t take it:

So shoot me. It wasn’t Monday.

I’m home alone.

I’m making dinner for tonight’s Meatless Monday.

No, no. I haven’t turned over a new leaf. I have bookclub tonight and a busy afternoon of kid stuff. So I’m being proactive.

So yeah, maybe I am turning over a new leaf. But just for today.

I’m making this really old family favorite potato [...]]]>

Meatless Monday Eight Prequel.

I’m home alone.

I’m making dinner for tonight’s Meatless Monday.

No, no. I haven’t turned over a new leaf. I have bookclub tonight and a busy afternoon of kid stuff. So I’m being proactive.

So yeah, maybe I am turning over a new leaf. But just for today.

I’m making this really old family favorite potato soup recipe. And you know how I love to use up stuff from my pantry…

So anyway, do you dare me?

(you would think Dave would wise up and start reading this blog, if only to protect himself.)

Lola, Lola, Lola.

When I wrote the tribute to Buzz, and over the next several days, I wondered often to myself what I would write about Lola, if she had been the dog we lost instead.

I don’t know if — simply because Buzz is gone — we automatically elevate him to ‘good dog’ status, or if [...]]]>

Lola, Lola, Lola.

When I wrote the tribute to Buzz, and over the next several days, I wondered often to myself what I would write about Lola, if she had been the dog we lost instead.

I don’t know if — simply because Buzz is gone — we automatically elevate him to ‘good dog’ status, or if he really was that much easier of a dog to describe and cozy up to. Maybe it’s just the characteristics of different breeds, Buzz being a vizsla and Lola being a shorthair. Don’t get me wrong, there are admirable qualities to shorthairs! I just don’t know if I would call them ‘lovable qualities’!

Even though she’s independent, she was very attached to Buzz and I worried about her being lonely and confused without him. Thankfully(?), we were scheduled to take care of Pippi/Poopy (my Mom and Dad’s dog) within days of losing Buzz — and Lola loves Pippi. An odd but true fact, considering her demeanor with most others of the canine persuasion.

Having Pippi here took away the immediate emptiness of life without Buzz. It was two weeks of chaos and constant playing. But, now she’s gone and Lola is alone again. So, we had a Lola Therapy day yesterday, where I paid her tons of attention and affection.

I don’t think she even noticed.

Undaunted by her vacant eyes, I pressed on with photos and treats. (She did notice the treats.)

A tribute to Lola? No, because, frankly, it’s unimaginable.

But she is photogenic. So, let’s just call this the ‘many faces of Lola’:

She is Cujo. (with other dogs.)

She is a Sociopath. (If a sociopath is defined as having no conscience, coupled with ‘empty eyes’.) Like Charles Manson.

She is Aloof.

She is always Depressed (yes. even as a puppy. particularly in summer. by the pool. in the heat).

She is Naughty. (*see Sociopath.) And yes, those are my pea plants. But you could substitute just about any garden plant and she would be guilty. Last fall, she even dug up a row of carrots and ate them.

She is sometimes Surprising. Shown here with her baby kitty that she ‘mothered’, blowing us all away with her gentleness.

And now, she is Lonely.

She is complicated.

But really, aren’t we all?

I don’t know what to say.

She wanted “Fuddruckers” and “French Silk.”

Leave it to me to turn that into a personal challenge. Cuz Lord knows most people would simply get in the car with their wallets and go.

(Before you start berating me for being lazy, crazy, martyr, glutton, etc., you need to know that we had [...]]]>

I don’t know what to say.

She wanted “Fuddruckers” and “French Silk.”

Leave it to me to turn that into a personal challenge. Cuz Lord knows most people would simply get in the car with their wallets and go.

(Before you start berating me for being lazy, crazy, martyr, glutton, etc., you need to know that we had already gone out the night before to celebrate at Big Bowl.)

So, for her actual birthday dinner, I asked her what she wanted. And when she told me, I figured I could get away with having Dave pick up a genuine Baker’s Square French Silk pie and serving burgers with some form of the requested “liquid cheese — like Fuddruckers.”

Nope. No such luck.

When I asked Dave to pick the pie up on his way home, he looked at me like I had three heads. Of course he never actually said anything, mind you. He just stood there looking at me, incredulous.

My first reaction was to start yelling that not everyone considers a birthday done-and-over just because you happened to go out for dinner the night before! For Heaven’s Sake! She’s turning 15! Doesn’t that mean anything to you?! Just because YOU don’t think birthday’s are a BIG DEAL, doesn’t mean that I have to AGREE WITH YOU. What? WHAT!

(Are you picturing the scene? I need you to picture the scene)

Then he said: “No, it’s not that I don’t want to pick it up. I just can’t. I’m out of town tomorrow night.”

Oh.

I guess I was supposed to use my oft-requested powers of ESP to know that. Rewind the tape. Erase that last part.

So anyway, rather than drive 30 miles to Baker’s Square, I opted instead to make it all from scratch. I was surprised to find about a gajillion links for Fuddruckers burger seasoning mix(!) and several copycat French Silk Pie recipes.

I didn’t find a true Fuddrucker’s copycat for their french fries, though I think the recipe I used came awfully close.

Everything was amazing, aside from me overcooking the hamburgers, dammit! And, the cheese sauce left a bit to be desired. But that may have been due to the fact that I was trying to make due with what I had on hand (no surprise there) and I was admittedly light on the cheese side of the cheese sauce.

I included links to the recipes I used above. Just so you know, I halved the french silk pie recipe and put it into an itty bitty pie plate. I also thinned out the batter for the fries to be much runnier than the recipe called for and liked them better that way. The cheese sauce? Well, let’s just skip that one, shall we?

Morgan felt very loved.

Or at least I think she felt loved.

If you eat until you feel sick, does that mean you feel loved?

Dave gave me two cookbooks for Valentine’s Day. One was an Indian cookbook and the other was a vegetarian cookbook. Which proves that even though he is pissing and moaning about Meatless Mondays, he is – in fact – encouraging me to continue.

I was very excited. I made an [...]]]>

And Valentine’s Day wrapped up in one.

Dave gave me two cookbooks for Valentine’s Day. One was an Indian cookbook and the other was a vegetarian cookbook. Which proves that even though he is pissing and moaning about Meatless Mondays, he is – in fact – encouraging me to continue.

I was very excited. I made an Indian pork dish for our Valentine’s Day dinner. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, being that most Indians don’t eat pork, but apparently a few in the south do (The Christian ones, the recipe states). It was delicious. Even my daughter’s friend — a notoriously picky eater — liked it. And that’s saying something.

So, for Meatless Monday Seven, I decided to cook something out of the other one. The vegetarian one. Both cookbooks have lovely pictures — a must, for me. I know there are many, many, many fabulous cookbooks that don’t have pictures. They just don’t appeal to me anymore. Maybe I don’t have the time to really delve in. I don’t know. I judge cookbooks-by-their-covers and that’s all there is too it.

The point is, these both had lovely pictures.

However, after cooking out of both. The Indian is in the lead. The vegetarian one has two fails so far. And I’m wondering:

Can I return it and say I don’t like it after having used it? Like you supposedly can with make-up you have already opened? Even though I don’t actually return make-up I have already opened and hate? Because it just seems wrong? Then I’m mad and vow to stop buying make-up at the drugstore from now on. When I should just return it. Anyone else suffer this same madness? Madness as in — mental illness?

Anyway.

I wonder what Barnes and Nobel would say if I brought it back and said, “The cellophane noodles called for in the recipe for Thai Spicy noodles are clearly NOT cellophane noodles in the photo. I want my money back!”

Because that really bugs me.

Don’t take a picture of the finished dish and make it look better with different noodles than the recipe calls for. That’s FRAUD!

Being that I am generous and forgiving in nature, I did not give up on this cookbook for that obvious failing. I generously cooked not one, but two recipes from it: 1) Refritos Gateau and 2) Sage Buttered Parsnips.

Let’s start with 2), because it’s faster: Sage Buttered Parsnips are, well… sage. buttered. parsnips. That’s the “recipe.” Cook parsnips, drain and mix with sage and butter. I fricken’ kid you not. But still I made them. I even followed the recipe for once! Oooh. Aaah. They were AMAZING. Ohh. ah. This cookbook. Is. Amazing!!

Moving on to 1) Refritos Gateau. It sounded quite promising. In the end though, it was little more than refried beans with melted cheese and sour cream. All the other stuff in the photo at the top? That was my attempt to cover up the ghastly-looking patties so that my family wouldn’t barf when they sat down to dinner. I’m sure it wasn’t any coincidence that caused the editors to skip Refritos Gateau when selecting recipes to photograph for the cookbook.

It tasted just fine. It was even good. It simply did not deserve 1 hour of my time when I could have just as easily opened three cans of beans, popped them in the microwave with some cheese and served them with sour cream, avocados and other miscellaneous accouterments.

Because that was what it tasted like. Nevermind the sautéed onions, eggs (? Yes. eggs. which were a complete waste of delicious fresh eggs) and the other blather called for in the recipe. Dividing it, baking it, in two springform pans (!), assembling it, warming it in the oven, spreading it with sour cream, back into the oven, blah blah blah, waste my time no more!

I will not give up on this book yet. I will give it more chances and report back. But if it continues on this downward path, look out. Hell hath no fury like a cook scorned. And I will unleash that fury with ratings anywhere and everywhere I can. (Just ask the poor sods who sent me the wrong furnace filter and made me pay the return shipping.)

(Valentines Day is not just for people)