This is kind of a test.

I mean, it’s totally a test and I just need to see if this RSS business works with my new URL.

Don’t worry, don’t worry — I’m still “you’ll grow to love me (that’s what she said)”, but I just switched everything over to my real name site to keep things organized.

Oh, and then I did that whole THESIS thing, so yeah. That was fun times.

So… Hopefully this shows up in your reader… If it does, just e-mail me or comment or tweet me or something? There are a million ways to get in touch with me so I assume you can find at least ONE.

I’m spending the weekend with my lovers Maxie and Cavy so enjoy exploring the pretty new site and I’ll enjoy drinking with them.

(You got the shaft on that deal, just FYI.)

About a week ago, I responded to a tweet from a photographer who needed to practice shooting in the cold and would anyone maybe be available on Wednesday afternoon to help her out?

And, well, considering I was available and that meeting strangers from the Internet without considering their potential murderous tendencies is one of my favorite hobbies, I offered up my face for a photoshoot.

Little did I know that I was dealing with a professional.

We did some shots inside first — she was all “you’re on your computer all the time so just sit there and tweet and I’ll snap away!” UMMM HELLO. THAT IS THE BEST IDEA EVER. YES PLEASE.

Then we took our show outside and roamed around campus and into the library and even next door to the house that is condemned and covered in shattered glass and tetanus-infested nails (because we’re baller like that.)

Basically it was the best way ever to spend a cold and windy afternoon. And let me just say, Elizabeth is the best. I mean, who tells you to play on your computer while she takes your picture? True genius right there. I’m already plotting ways to make her famous.

If you’re in the Boston/New York/Connecticut/New Hampshire area and need some pretty pictures taken, check her out*. DO IT.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

* Her photography site is currently under construction but she’ll be back up and running soon. In the meantime, feel free to shoot me an e-mail and I’ll put you in touch.

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There was a segment on my local news last night about parents allowing their high school students to have co-ed sleepovers.

As in, they permitted insecure, over-developed, sexually rambunctious high school girls to spend the night with hormone-charged, got-something-to-prove high school boys. And while I would have given my right elbow to have been allowed to do this while I was in high school, I just have one thing to say to the parents condoning these overnighters:

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?

Oh really? You think because your sweet little angel of a daughter gets straight A’s and volunteers with old ladies she’s somehow immune from taking shots of rail vodka in the basement and taking off her clothes the second a boy tells her she’s pretty? You think your perfect gentlemen of a son who coaches little league t-ball and goes to church with you every Sunday has never smoked pot or unhooked a bra? Allow me to let you in on a little secret: YOU’RE A MORON.

Is your daughter older than 16? Does she wear a bra? Does she have a vagina? Then I promise you a boy has felt her up.

And your son? He doesn’t need to sneak old Playboy magazines into his room anymore because your friends’ daughters are sending him topless cell phone pictures. I promise you they’re not playing Words With Friends on those iPhones you’re paying for. Who needs apps when you’ve got unlimited picture messaging!

I know, I know, it’s crazy right?! Haha. Kids these days. Sigh…

Oh wait a second — those kids are YOUR kids.

It’s YOUR kids that are hooking up like rabbits. That are drinking alcohol and getting high and making bad decisions. If you think they’re not, you deserve the gray hair your ignorance will cause.

Just because a parent is present at these all-night shindigs does not mean kids are writing in their journals and watching 7th Heaven. Just like you, other kids’ parents are dumb too. In fact, I would put money on the fact that they’re probably dumber. And trust me when I say that your honor roll student? Well he is plenty smart enough to figure out how to sneak a Nalgene full of vodka into a basement.

Now I’m not out to ruin the party for high school kids these days. They could undoubtedly drink me under the table and I’m sure they would be the first to offer me some Plan B from their personal stash if I was ever in a bind. I’m just throwing it out there that while you think these co-ed sleepovers are encouraging respectful interactions between young boys and girls, your kids are laughing hysterically at your idiocy and swapping V-cards with each other a few floors below you.

Just thought you should know.

As of 12:00pm EST today, Wednesday, I will be officially done with midterms and catching up on all the work I’ve procrastinated this semester and I can go back to procrastinating. Until my math exam next week. Kill me. In the mean time, Becca offered to guest post for me and guess what? SHE’S NEVER GUEST POSTED FOR ANYONE BEFORE! So umm… aside from the fact that she’s super adorable and awesome and her blog is called That Loud Girl (HELLO. THAT IS ME. ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME IRL CAN BACK THAT UP), I totally couldn’t turn down the opportunity to pop a guest blog cherry virginity thing. So please love up on this girl, mmmk?

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

So, Ashley was totally right about writers block. As soon as you agree to write for someone else, suddenly, there is all this PRESSURE. More than just my five subscribers might read this. WTF.

I don’t know Jenn in person. Actually, I barely know her online, but I’ve been reading her journeys for a few months now, and I can say that I don’t envy her. I mean, she’s totally cute and bubbly and has a great personality and I want be friends with her IRL (Jenn, you ARE going to Bloggers in Sin City, right? RIGHT?! Are you creeped out yet?) But I so completely don’t envy her position. In life.

A short (hold for math) three years ago, I was slated to graduate from the University of Nevada. I was engrossed in the hardest semester ofmylife and had no idea if what I was studying (journalism) was really the path for me.*

So, in the spirit of Jenn’s pending graduation, and presumed employment thereafter (and because let’s face it, lists are fun and you know it)**, I’ve put together a list of things she can look forward to a year from now:

• Routine. I don’t know about you, but the all nighters, coupled with fluctuating service industry schedules (hello, former Starbucks employee) are so not fun. I remember having to open the store one day (which in Starbucks speak is at 5:30 a.m. or earlier) and then close the next (11 p.m.) My 8-5 has brought me a routine and I love it. It is so much easier to schedule dentist appointments, have lunch/dinner/drinks with friends, take a vacation, workout, etc. when you have a reliable schedule.
• Furniture. And dishes. And other household accessories. Like rugs. No more siting on a couch that your neighbor put out with the trash. No more pretending like a beer pong table is actually a piece of furniture (it’s not).
• Vacations. Like real vacations. Not “it’s winter break, so I’m going home to spend it with the family.” Not that spending time with the family isn’t great; I love my family. But that’s not exactly a vacation (but then again, I never had a “SPRING BREAK!!!” in school).
• Work clothes. Okay, this might just be me, but work clothes are WAY more fun than the college uniform (jeans, Uggs and your school’s logo on a hoodie–don’t deny it). They’re also the first step in feeling like you fit the part. I realize this may not be true in the land of entrepreneurs.
• Stability. This one kind of goes along with routine, and you may need to wait until we’re not in such a “cut-everyone’s-budget-everywhere” type place. But knowing what you make each month and trusting that it’ll be the same, and that you’ll have enough hours to pay your rent is a good feeling.
• Doing something you love. I liked school. I love learning. And work can be stressful, much like school. But it’s a much different feeling when you’re getting up every day, actually doing what you love (and learning, while doing it).This is the best one.

Best of luck, Jenn. I know you’ll be great!

* For the record, it was the right path for me, and shortly after I started interning at the PR and advertising firm I am still with today. And yes, I realize how lucky I am.

** If you’re not already a reader of my blog, yes, I use parenthetical asides all the time, and YES I know it’s excessive.

So I’m still living the college lifestyle for a little while longer, meaning I can sleep until noon, stay up until 3, shop whenever I want, and basically be excessively lazy. Except the downside to all of this is that once a semester midterms roll around and I am inevitably buried in the library catching up on all the reading I skipped since the beginning of the semester.

So instead of my mindless drivel filling the pages, Ashley offered to write something for me. And then proceeded to tell me how it was so hard to write this and oh my goodness I have writer’s block and whine whine whine. But she did it and it’s kickass so you better read it.

I mean it.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

So Jenn is holed up “studying” for midterms right now (or mass texting me and a few others at 4 in the morning. *COUGH*) and didn’t have time to post so she asked me to take over. I don’t think she quite understood what she was getting into.

First, my name is Ashley, also known as Ashalah. Second, whenever I promise to write something for someone I develop a horrible case of writers block. So now it’s 18 hours later and I’m still scratching my ass over what the hell I should write about.

I thought about all the embarrassing shit Jenn has told me that’s made me spit out my water/coffee/wine with just how ridiculously funny/awful it is and maybe I could share some of those.

But then I could see her never speaking to me again while plotting to murder me in two weeks when she comes to visit me. Not a goal I want her to have.

Either way, she’s young, she has fun and makes me envious of her life on a daily basis. I used to have her life; I used to date a lot, get in sticky situations, wonder how my life had turned out that way and rarely had a “dry spell.” (if you know what I mean wink wink) Then I got older and started wanting….I don’t know if more is the right word but I stopped liking dating. I got to the point where if I could have hired someone to go on the dates for me, I would have shelled out a lot of money.

When I was 24 and newly single, my idea of a successful date was if I couldn’t find my underwear the next morning. Now, my idea of success is if I could go out on a first date, yell FUCK at a basketball game that isn’t going as well as I planned and the guy thinks I’m cute for it.

I’ve gotten a little sick of the game. I used to love it all–the dinners, the drinks, the endless activities and getting to learn about all these different, good looking guys. I was wined and dined and was living the life, as they sometimes say.  At some point though it became dull. I’d be eating the same chicken franchaise, drinking the same vodka sodas, dipping bread in the same olive oil and answering the same questions. I’d go on dates where the guy talked only of himself. Dates where the guy would be rude and leave mid-date for a party, leaving me with a half full glass of sangria, sitting alone at the bar. Dates where the guy couldnt stop complimenting my hair/smell/nails/nose piercing/smile/ears/feet and I’d want to stab my eyes out with a dull spork.

I would go home at the end of the night, praying that I never had to hear from them again and inevitably would get a text five minutes later that would read that they had a GREAT night (Seriously? You thought it went great when I avoided your kiss?) and hoped to see me again. DELETE. I would claim that I would never date again.

But every once in a while a guy will surprise me. He will be easy to talk to, it won’t feel like an interview and we will spend five hours laughing, flirting and making fun of each other. Of course I rarely hear back from the ones I actually like but in the case of the latest, I have a second date out of it.

So while I’m simultaneously jealous of Jenn’s hilarious love life and detesting the dating world, it’s always good to have a little hope sometimes because sometimes you get a win out of a lot of fail.*

*I may be singing another tune should this date turn sour.

I’ve been doing some things across the web lately and I wanted to let you in on the secrets in case you had missed them.

e-Swagger.com

First up, my first post for e-Swagger.com is published! It’s all about the basics of online dating — which sites to use, filling out your profile, etc. It’s an intro piece, but hopefully I’ll expand on it soon!

Livit, Luvit

My lover LiLu has hit 500 posts and in honor of that celebration, she asked us to roast her. That’s right — people making fun of her. It’s hilarious, so be sure to read about that and congratulate her on hitting 500.

JennBollenbacher.com

It’s official — I bought my own domain name(s) and played around with Thesis and uploaded my resume and posted my writing samples and all that good stuff. It’s definitely not finished, but hopefully it will serve as an online folder with all of my shiz so that employers can see how awesome I am and hire me. Cross your fingers, kk?

GLASS

I’m working with Border Stylo as a Campus Catalyst for their new web product, Glass. Glass is basically an extension that functions as a virtual canvas (or piece of GLASS, get it?) for the web that allows you to share content and experiences with the people you choose to share it with, all in real time. The cool part about Glass is that it’s instant and it’s PRIVATE. No one can see what you create unless you allow them to.

Be sure to check out the video on getting started with Glass. I have some invites and there will be some floating around on the web in the coming weeks, so keep your eyes open! (And be sure to follow Jenn — not me — on Twitter at @writeonglass for first dibs on any invites she’s got.)

That’s all I’ve got for you guys. I’m spending the evening drinking hanging out with my lovah Maxie who decided it would be a good idea to come to Boston for 24 hours. I’m stealing like, 8 of them.

Have a great weekend!

Enough of this whiny “poor me” crap. I’m over it.

What I’m NOT over, however, is this job search thing.

While I’m busy looking for a job I love, I can’t help but thinking about jobs I’ll never have but sometimes I think about what it would be like to have them, mostly because I don’t know how it works and I’m very curious.

So here are Five Jobs I’d Like to Have for a Day (except probably not really):

1. Working for FedEx/UPS/Postal Service. Have you ever landed at an airport and as you head toward the runway you pass all these FedEx planes full of packages that are being loaded and unloaded and reloaded and rerouted and delivered and picked up? HOW DOES THAT WORK?! I’m mystified.
2. Chef in a restaurant. If you’re working at an Italian restaurant do you just make a bucketload of pasta and hope enough people order it? Is everything really cooked to order or do you cheat a little and nuke it to make it hotter? How do you get the little green flakes of decoration to look so pretty? And most importantly, HOW DO YOU NOT EAT ALL THE FOOD WHILE YOU ARE COOKING?!
3. Porn star. This one is obvious and elicits a million questions from me. Do you really orgasm every time? What about sex with someone you’re dating and not getting paid for — is it better because you like the person or not as good because you don’t make money off of it? And why hasn’t SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD fired the writers and hired the Coen brothers or Quentin Tarantino or hell, even Guy Ritchie to direct these things for some cinematic effect?
4. Disney World character. I think that if I was dressed up like Minnie Mouse and got to hide behind a fake head all day, I would be rolling my eyes at all the delusional children who thought I was actually a life size mouse. And how do you scratch your head with that massive thing on all day? And what about the kids that smell bad or bite you or insist on taking millions of pictures with you? You never want to smack them? REALLY? Because I would.
5. Pilot. Someone PLEASE tell me what all of those damn buttons are for.

If someone could please answer all my questions about these jobs I can stop torturing myself with curiosity and get on with my life. Also, please tell me I’m not the only one who spends time thinking about these things?

I moved a couple times growing up, at pretty crucial stages. Elementary school in Pittsburgh, middle school in Indiana, high school in Chicago. I don’t remember the first house I lived in and I’ve had more phone numbers than relationships. As a result, home has never had a geographic location for me, but rather a feeling.

I was fortunate that I could come home this weekend, to that feeling of comfort and stability and certainty. When I just wasn’t feeling myself, I could escape to the place that knew me when…

When I was seven years old and my first grade teacher had to move my desk next to his and call my mom because I wouldn’t stop talking in class.

Or when I started crying at Christmas dinner in sixth grade because my cousin told my entire family that I kissed my boyfriend for the first time.

Or when I went off to my first Homecoming dance with the boy who stole my heart for two years, and when he broke it a million times over when I was seventeen.

I’m not one to get homesick or to feel particularly nostalgic for one place, but it felt good to be home and to sleep in my bed and lay on my couch and watch the Olympics with my parents.* It was nice to go to dinner with my two best girlfriends from high school and just know each other so well that it doesn’t matter that the three of us are in such different places in our lives that under other circumstances we probably wouldn’t be able to relate.

So now I head back to Boston with a refreshed perspective and a busy week ahead of me that I am SO READY to take on.

Sometimes you’re not yourself.

Sometimes your naturally bubbly personality seems a little bit forced.

Sometimes you sit at lunch with your friends and are witty and funny but struggling on the inside.

Sometimes you take furious notes in class but don’t absorb anything the professor says.

Sometimes you find life just a little too overwhelming.

Sometimes you just go through the motions.

And when those sometimes happen? You learn from them.

You wake up, you recognize it, accept it, and do what it takes to conquer it. You don’t let it cripple you. You refuse to compromise your motivation or lose any faith.

Instead, you take some time. You fly home to your parents in the desperate hope that Mommy and Daddy have the same magical healing powers they once did with your playground cuts and bruises. Home is a refuge, and you feel ridiculously blessed to be able to escape there.

You take your time. And then you come back, ready to rock.

As I eagerly anticipate graduating in May and as I drown myself in endless cover letter writing, I can’t help but feel a bit nostalgic about how I got my start here at Tufts.

Four years is a long time, but it’s also no time at all. Things have gone by so quickly, and lately I’ve been reflecting back on what my life was like as a freshman.

When I was a freshman…

• I was dating a boy I loved but ultimately knew it would never last
• I ate at the same dining hall for every.single.meal EVERY DAY
• I lived with one of my best friends and across the hall from two more of them
• I had an e-mail in my inbox every morning when I woke up from my boyfriend at the Naval Academy who had been up for hours by the time I got out of bed
• I let important friendships fall by the wayside
• I thought I was going to be a Sociology major
• I fell asleep in every Economics class until I just stopped going in favor of napping in my bed
• I never went to the library to study. Not once.
• I frequently stayed up past 2 am with my friends, talking and hanging out
• I fell asleep listening to John Mayer’s “Covered in Rain” every night
• I stopped standing up for myself
• I learned the difference between supporting someone and enabling them
• I took impromptu day trips to New York City on the Chinatown bus
• I discovered that sometimes you have to learn things on your own
• I squished myself into an extra-long twin bed every night
• I thought it would be a good idea to buy a hideously blue rain jacket and snow boots that clash with everything
• I didn’t know a fraction of what I know now

What were YOU doing as a freshman?