My thing is, I’m not a big fan of good enough. but I also wanted to stretch my abilities and my art and take it in new directions. I got almost overwhelmed by how many ideas I had and directions I wanted to go in. It was heady. And I feel like I did some pieces very very well, and some not as well (what else is new?). This year I have a very clear direction and a strong sense of what I want to achieve. I think that my experimentation and research over the past year will pay off in dividends. I no longer feel so uncertain. Changing my main media took some adjusting, but I see amazing things ahead in the year to come!

I am thinking of using my blog for a bit of a brain dump space while I work through my concepts. Usually I only present the polished final works, but this time I want to show you my research and though processes as I embark on some totally new ideas, methods and ways of looking at the world around us.

This piece created using Genesis in Daz Studio Pro and rendered in Luxrender with Reality

I have had a hard time thinking up my word to represent this year, it’s a challenge every year to find something that will drive me further in my art and as a person. Something that will help propel me through the year and give me comfort during the tough times.

I wanted something simple, something classic that could have meaning in multiple aspects of my life. I’m hoping that this year I might confront one of my biggest challenges to moving forward. I am a great thinker of things, I have ideas and concepts galore, I make goals and plans but I am not always the best at seeing them through to the end. I talk myself out of a lot, I lose confidence in my vision, I get distracted by other ideas and shiny things. My pain gets in the way. All these things are challenges for me and I will not overcome every one of them, but I will never know unless I act.

Act on impulse, act on my ideas, act on that lead that looks promising, act on that inspiration. See where things lead, experiment, try. Try even if I know it won’t lead anywhere.
Act is also part of action. I exercise a lot. I walk, I swim, I do things, but I also spend a lot of time in bed and in pain. I want to try to make it into different rooms more often and walk in different places, swim in different places and enjoy the scenery more. Last year we discovered how fun it could be to be a tourist in your home town, to do festivals and conventions and go out to fun touristy places. To live and have fun and I want to continue that.

Act is a part of activist, and I want to continue challenging the patriarchy and toxic masculinity, I want to continue to challenge racism when I see it and act out against hate.

I want to attend more events even when it hurts, I want to get out of my comfort zone and act on my impulses to sing. I want to create the work in my heart, not just the art I think people will like. I want to act out against the negative voices in my head that hold me back.

“And I’m not throwing away my shot.” (Also Hamilton)

This year my word was determination and boy did I have that in spades! Everything I did I did with determination and deliberation, whether it was fun, work, school, feminism, travel, reading, comics, Twitter… I don’t know if I grew up this year, I think I grew down instead, but I had a great time going forth into everything I did with amazing focus.

This year was my little miss’ first year of school. Around the time we were getting her ready for school is also the time that I found out that I would be returning- as a masters candidate! Then I found out that I couldn’t afford to go because of something stupid the Howard government did to screw over Permanent Residents. So I began the year thrilled at the prospect of uni and terrified that I couldn’t go. But hard work and determination saw me raise the money I needed. Through crowdfunding, selling artworks and the generosity of friends and assistance from the uni. I am still working on the pledges! I haven’t forgotten I promise!

Determination saw me go to school on the train and walking, working in my campus studio and sitting in class. It saw me through tutorials and critiques and essays for the first time in over a decade! It saw me through the pain I was in and the cold winter days, and through the amazing happy distractions. Studying at the VCA is a dream come true for me, I have always wanted to go there. It was all I could do to keep the grin off my face every damn day. I loved my critiques, I loved my classes, I loved writing my essays, I loved looking at my art in all new ways.

This year I painted less. I created more digital 3D art than ever before and started 3D printing and augmented reality. I researched other contemporary artists working in 3D and really launched myself into this exciting medium. I can’t wait to get stuck into my full year project next year! I embraced the fact that my future in painting may be limited, but my future in new media is a glorious open path. I am not going to stop painting- never fear! But I am concentrating on my 3D art and exploring all it’s possibilities.

This year I fought against my fear of the camera, I fought against my negative self image and low self esteem. I fought the patriarchy, I was trolled by racists and sexist people and I knew that I had hit a nerve on their fragile egos. I was determined to face my demons and enjoy all the wonderful opportunities this year. I celebrated my sexuality and my gender and confronted my mental health, I embraced my inner nerd more than I ever had before. I ate more wonderful food and enjoyed it, I traveled, I went to comic conventions and helped build Ai Wei Wei’s installation at the NGV. I went to Philadelphia to train as an atronaut in a simulator, I went to Queensland and patted a baby tiger. I had fun with friends and family and saw more people and did more things than I have had in years. It may be that I am exhausted as we close this year, I really am! But I am determined to not let my pain slow me down in the coming year!

I have missed details like my new tattoo, all the amazing food I ate, the comics I loved, the tshirts I bought, the movies I adored and all those fun silly ways I had a blast this year, I may do an image roundup post later with how much of a giant nerd I was this year.

You see, I couldn’t hear inside my own head what it was like and I needed to get out of my own way. thanks to her I took my singing several levels up in that one day. I needed to stop doing what I thought was nice and take the risk, change things up and do something that felt uncomfortable.

My art is like that now.

I’ve been working one on one with some of my teachers, I’ve had crits with the whole class and I have the feeling of impending change. like my work is on the verge of something new, something different. I have to move outside of what is comfortable and embrace difference. I need to get out of my own way. I have been working in a vacuum and now I am truly opening up to all the possibilities rather than chasing my own tail. I love it.

I am examining the work of 3D fine artists and also looking at artists who explore dichotomies and the line between kitsch and fine art and low brow and fine art. I am so excited to explore new ideas, to bring stuff I have wanted to express but have been afraid to, or worried about. To really go nuts and create what is in my heart to create. 

Now I need to go work out what that is! 

The view from one of my studio window panes

Did you ever have that nightmare where you haven’t studied and you have a surprise test or a presentation?

That happened to me for reals.

I missed the first two classes due to my enrollment kerfuffle. I missed finding out that I would be presenting a proposal in the second week. I was the third called up. The professor made me do it anyway, making it up on the spot.

I was mortified.

But I did ok. Then, finding out what the assignment actually was I asked to repeat it. I think I gained points for that. The second time went better. This is one of the most important classes about managing our careers as artists and I want to get the most out of it. I didn’t want to skate by, I needed a real critique of my proposal so that I could grow and learn. I really want to do well in this degree. I’m already growing into my role.

I’ve been feeling a little bit disconnected at university the first couple of weeks. It has been strange settling in without orientation and I have felt excited but a little dreamlike about it all. Like it wasn’t real.

That all faded as I got settled into my studio and routine. I know my professors now and smile and chat with them. They can’t believe how I came to study here! Every day I am so excited to start in, even when it involves early mornings. I am already learning so much! I did library inductions and learned about all of the exciting research resources at my fingertips and made the librarians laugh with my sheer excitement. Everyone in the course is lovely.

I have my first hour long critique coming up next week, I’m alternating between being nervous and being really excited to hear what everyone sees in my work. I have several presentations and two essays coming up. nothing major, nothing over 4000 words!

I have paid my first fees installment, I have another coming up soon! If you would like to help I am still accepting donations at my gofundme – http://www.gofund.me/2BaMaster -I also have more works available on eBay.

I want to thank all the incredible people who have helped me get to this point. I love you all! I am so happy to be studying this year, it is a wonderful challenge that will bring my art to the next level!

help me pay for university!
http://www.gofund.me/2baMaster

So I made a decision.

it was a difficult decision, I hated doing it, but as the Pozible campaign didn’t go through I decided to defer my studies until next year. I came to terms with it and did it. I watched O Week go by with sadness and started to look forward to the next year with no stress, no fundraising dramas, no worrying.

Until I found out that I wasn’t able to defer. I had to either withdraw and reapply or get my butt to class.

There was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth! oh the profanity!

I know the chances of being offered this course again, without a bachelors degree, coupled with the wonderful start to this year that I have shown already, would be slim to none. if that.

So there is nothing for it but to keep going once more!

I have learned from my previous mistakes, Pozible was good – but I think gofundme is better for this purpose.

I have set up a new campaign, there are new reward tiers and new options. You can contribute as much or as little as you want and be assured that I will get it! with Pozible I wouldn’t receive anything unless I reached my goal, with GoFundMe I receive all of the funds. in retrospect it would have been the better option to start with.

I am offering more artworks on eBay and offering great deals on other pieces. if there is a painting you have had your eye on let me know!

On the plus side, I made it to my first class and it was fantastic, this is going to be hard, but I am already learning so much! My first presentation is in a month and I have a 4000 word essay due in June. I get my own campus studio and the cafe is slouchy and comfortable. Did I mention that there were computer labs and a 3D printer? I must use it… I am truly looking forward to enjoying university, I hope I can raise the funds to continue enjoying it!

as always, your shares are appreciated. thank you for your contributions and help!

Thankyou everyone for voting on my fundraising! Per your votes I have started a crowdfunding campaign on Pozible and a series of eBay auctions at never before seen prices! Here is the link to the Pozible campaign: http://pozi.be/2bamaster I have included such rewards as custom sketches, artwork vouchers, discounts and tutorials. If there is a reward you think I should be offering let me know! This is my first ever crowdfunding campaign and I’m thrilled to be almost 1/4 there already! If getting crazy deals on artwork is more your thing, here is the eBay link too! I will be adding more works so keep checking this link! eBay auctions If there is something you have had your eye on for a while let me know, make an offer, you never know! I love you all. If you can’t contribute I understand, but would really appreciate a signal boost! Retweets and shares are all appreciated.

Update part the second: here is the eBay link too! I will be adding more works so keep checking this link! eBay auctions
If there is something you have had your eye on for a while let me know.

I have been admitted to a masters degree! It’s at the best arts school in the country and I am super excited. But there is a snag. I’m not eligible for student loans through the government at this time. I’m working on fixing my eligibility, but it won’t be fixed before the start of term. I don’t want to have to defer my dreams for a whole year! So I am in the position of trying to raise enough money to attend my first semester (with the hope that everything will be fixed after that). This is where you come in. I really need your help! But I want to involve you too. I have two ideas. One is crowdfunding, where I offer you small sketches, bookmarks, artwork and the opportunity to pick my next hair color. I may offer tutorials or a chance to get an art book of my works and research. The other is to auction some of my paintings on eBay. The works would be a mix of older and newer, big and small, some may have been damaged and repaired. What would you prefer? Crowdfunding or eBay? Both? Something else?

every day we are inundated with images of airbrushed perfection, of promises made that the billboards and magazines just can’t keep.

where are the real bodies? do we even know what they look like anymore? do we know, beyond our own doubts and the changes we yearn to make, what real even looks like?

Dallas Frasca has created a song and a clip that reflects our doubts and insecurities and shows us that we aren’t alone in our self doubt. It is a beautiful celebration of diversity where the people featured break out of their shells, their self hate, and their clothing.

This clip has been given a restricted rating on youtube and people have complained about it’s nudity. But why is this clip being so lambasted? Blurred lines, Redfoo’s idiotic display, these clips have sexualized nudity and are sexist, informing rape culture and gender bias; they have not been restricted. But a clip that shows men and women of different ages, sizes and abilities all getting nude and dancing happily? can’t let children see something like that!

I was at a water park last year with my family. I felt a little self conscious at first in my bikini, but then I looked around. At a sea of people, all different, all having fun, all beautiful. And I realized how long it had been since I had seen so many normal people in bathing suits. Since I had seen normal bodies doing normal things.
And I stopped being so self conscious, I let go and had fun with my family and didn’t care who saw me and what they thought. It was so freeing. This video reminds me of that.

I suspect that the people doing the complaining about this video are incapable of accepting non-airbrushed, normal, happy people. They are uncomfortable, basically, with jiggly bits, with uncensored truth that this is what people, real people, look like.

And they are beautiful.

The ultimate form of censorship has to be death. When artists aren’t safe to express themselves, when they can’t be free to create to attempt to enact change and cause discussion and thought for fear of death, what then?

Artists must be free. Art is one of the purest and most visceral ways to communicate concepts and ideas that need to be shared, understood, grown. Comics are one of the most subversive ways to make quick, biting and often painfully true commentary.

I salute the brave artists and other victims at Charlie Hebdo. It’s a scary time to speak up for what you believe in. It’s a scary time to strike out against those who rule with fear. It’s a scary time – which means it’s an even more important time than ever.

In the interest of sharing their voice, here are some of the comics that the victims at Charlie Hebdo were killed for.

Stand strong. Create. Be free.