Hmmm…

Would our insurance cover that?

Yep. It sure does.

Found out our insurance covers 40 annual visits and after our modest deductible we’re looking at a 90/10 split!

HOLY BIRTHDAY CAKE BATMAN!

So I made an appointment to see the same chiropractor Rick’s mom sees last week. I am hoping that with some regular spine checking and leg & ankle stretching and de-knotting I might be able to run better, run farther and even dare I say… run a bit faster?

I wasn’t too impressed with my initial consultation. But I’m not sure it was a full evaluation – well I know it wasn’t.  I had a special get out of jail FREE VISIT for an eval and 30 min massage. Even though I wasn’t sure about the doctor, I did make an appointment to come back for a 30 min massage. Why the hell not? It was free!

I’m sooo glad I did. I really, no REALLY liked the massage! Now it wasn’t like a spa massage. It was a deep stretching muscles you didn’t know you had tissue / therapeutic massage. The massage therapist worked on my shoulders and back along with stretching out my hamstrings, quads and calves. If felt really great. She also gave a really deep massage to my toes which actually helped with my run the next day. One of my toes on my left foot has been falling asleep or feeling strange when I hit about 2 miles. The toe massage seemed to help that.

Typically when I lift weights after more than a week from my last lifting session I can get really sore for two days after. No.. I mean REALLY SORE. WIMPY SORE. Sore where just a little squeeze on the muscle will make me cry.

I’ve tried various ways around this – from only doing 2 different exercises instead of 6, not doing as many reps to not lifting as much weight. But it doesn’t matter what I do, I’m always “cry like a baby” sore in the beginning. It’s just a reality of my body. I’ve always been like that and it has gotten progressively worse as I’ve gotten older (which is more an incentive for me to stay with my workout routine this time).

So after my massage on Monday, I was a little sore on Tuesday but on Wednesday my lower back and right calf were really bothering me. My back feels fine today so I’m hoping it was just my normal delayed onset muscle soreness from the deeper massage and not anything to do with my last run.

I’m scheduled to go back on Monday for my first official visit and massage. The massage therapist said my legs and calves were extremely tight and the doctor said my hips were really tight. I already knew this from the multitude of yoga poses I can’t bend myself into. I’m hopeful that with some regular visits, this will help me stretch out my hips and legs better which will ultimately help them run better.

A girl can hope, right?

So on Monday I picked up a Gentle Leader harness. Rogue is notorious for pulling during the first mile on walks and I knew she would pull me when running – at least in the beginning of the run. I had also been considering a Gentle Leader head collar.  I just couldn’t get my head wrapped around something holding her mouth shut when she’s panting (i.e. sweating). I know the product claims the dog can breathe and drink with it on but there is just something about it. I also didn’t like that it didn’t connect to her collar either. So I went with the harness.

The morning of the run, I took her with me to drop Dan off at school. Can you say excited? Oh she was thrilled to be going somewhere at that time. Even sat pretty in the backseat. lol!

Now, I already knew she could be a royal pain in the ass on walks – getting tangled in her leash, crossing in front of me, stopping in front of me to sniff something and having me trip over her, crapping right on the sidewalk about a half block from our front door after she just went right before we left the house, pulling me over to a bench to rest and my favorite… just plain stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and deciding she isn’t going to go any farther. She can really wimp out on longer walks (anything over 4 miles and sometimes not even is long for her).

But at the speed I run that’s really still a walk for her maybe a slow trot. There is no hard running. There is no fast running. Just an easy dog trot. She should be able to do a few miles, right?

Um… can you say candy ass?

Teasing aside, our run ended up working out better than I thought it would. With the harness, I was able to pull her back or to the side easily without breaking my stride. I was also able to keep her at a decent pace where she wasn’t too crazy running ahead – think first .5 mile. Holding the leash didn’t bother my hands or my arms either. Bonus!

The only problem I really had is she wanted to run on my left side and not my right. Every time I tried to put her on my right, she’d trot ahead of me, end up right in front of me and then drift off to the left of me.  I found it easier for her to run on my left actually. But when I pass people (meaning people coming towards me not me actually passing anyone going in the same direction. LOL!) having her on my left could cause problems.

But for our first adventure, we only ran into three people – two were walking dogs and one was just a runner. When we passed the first dog person, Rogue still had energy to try and sniff towards the other dog. A gentle tug was all she needed to get moving forward again which was nice. No excessive pulling. But after that… well there was no more sniffing anything as she was more focused on just trying to keep moving forward.

Around 1.5 miles, I could tell she was starting to drift. She was no longer running a little ahead and to the left but now she was trotting along side of me. I started walking briefly to see if she would walk but she didn’t really. She kept up her slow trot so I just started running again.  But at mile 2.8, Rogue was done. She was now running behind me. I didn’t even know that was possible.

I stopped and pulled her over to the side thinking she might just have to go which she did. After she peed she started trotting ahead of me again so I thought maybe we could run 4 miles. But once she saw that I started running again, she stopped cold in the middle of the path and looked up at me. “Um… what the hell do you think you’re doing?” was written all over her face. There would be no more running today. lol!

After 3 miles and a quick drink…Rogue was ready to go home.

And once we got home… it was time for an immediate nap.

After a bit of a rest, she was back to tell me how much she enjoyed our run together and can’t wait to do it again.

I ran my first official 5k on 4/22/12!

My time was the best I’ve ever run 3.1 miles.

But first let me preface this post with this…

I am a slow runner.

No. I am a very very slow runner. 

Most people probably wouldn’t call what I do running. But I do. I know I am running. I am moving faster than I walk. I am exerting more effort than I walk.

I am RUNNING! I am a RUNNER!

The Announcement

I wasn’t going to tell anyone I even signed up for this 5k. Who wants that pressure? I had been thinking about running it the week or two before and finally decided to just do it and signed up on the last day of registration.

And then I quietly wrote it very small on the fridge calendar.

I really wrote it there more for me. Not that I would forget it but to make me more accountable for it. To make sure I really did it.

But then… Sam saw it when the girls were washing the dishes that night. She comes running into the front room yelling “You’re going to run a 5k???”. So much for keeping it quiet and sneaking away…

Seriously I was not going to say anything to anyone. I really didn’t want to make a big deal of it because part of me wasn’t even sure I was going to run it.

After Sam spilled the beans, Rick goes “Do you need us to bring anything for you? Or drive you?”

“Well it’s going to be at 8am on Sunday and I want to be there about 7:15… I wasn’t sure you’d want to come.”

“We can drive you.”

Ooookaaaay…..

So that’s how my “quiet first 5k” turned into a “OMG! MOM IS RUNNING A 5K!” family event.

Did you say HILLS? No one told me there would be HILLS in this race!

The Wednesday before the race, I decided to drive the course (since it was all on roads) and then run it. I’m glad I did because the very first part was a large frickin’ HILL! Where I normally run there aren’t really any hills. My town is not hilly at all so this hill looked like a mountain to me and photos never do a hill justice. At the top is where we would turn left but I had to GET UP the damn hill first!

All I was thinking that Wednesday after driving the entire course (which turned out to have several rolling hills) was “What did I get myself into? Everyone knows about this now.”

Can I even do this without embarrassing myself?

The night before the race, I expected to be quite nervous. But the nerves never really came. I went to bed around 9:30-10pm or so and actually fell asleep and slept through the night. No tossing or turning. When I got up on race day, I figured I’d have the nerves and my stomach would be in knots. But it wasn’t. Not at all. As we were driving I mentioned to Rick that I wasn’t nervous at all – not even a little butterflies which for me is VERY STRANGE. I think this surprised me more than anything. Maybe it was because I ran the course once. I don’t know.

I had two basic goals for the race.

1. Run the entire course. I knew I could because I had run 3 miles straight before – just not on rolling hills.
2. Run under 40 minutes. I had never ran under 40 in any of my workouts. 3.1 always comes in around 41-42 minutes for me. (Remember I am SLOOOOOW!)

Race Day

Rick took this photo of me and the girls right before the race began that morning. It was chilly out. About 40 feels like 35 weather. When you’re not running sub-9 minute miles, this temperature is COLD!

I wasn’t sure what I was going to wear. Usually I wear a warmer jacket in this weather but I can also get overheated around mile 2. So I went with my aqua shirt that wasn’t lined for the super cold. It ended up being a great decision and I was comfortable the entire race. But I was freezing just standing there waiting so I wore the big coat.

Sam was in charge of taking pictures and Jess was in charge of taking videos. I guess I forgot to change the batteries in the video camera (just my old camera that also takes videos) so there are no race videos. I’m secretly relieved about that. Lol. But Sam did a wonderful job working my big camera.

She was waiting for me at the top of that first hill. I told her next time to stand IN FRONT of the sign. LOLOL!  The photo still came out okay. You can see me in the back in the yellow circle.

I’m not at the point in my running where I can just go “warm-up for a mile” and then run another 3 in a race. Just not quite there yet. I knew I would be using the first mile as my warm-up and I knew I wanted to start out slow.

At this point (the first .25 mile), I was definitely running faster than I normally do but I was feeling okay so I kept going. I probably should have slowed down just a bit. Maybe.

Running my fastest up a big hill right at the start of the race… equals… WALKING!

By around 3/4 of a mile, I knew for sure I was not going to be able to run the entire thing and had to walk. But I didn’t let that get me down. I knew I was pushing my running faster than I ever had so I would just walk when I needed to.

At mile 1, my running tracker told me I was at 12:02 or something ridiculously faster than I ever ran any mile before. lol! Right then I made the decision that I would power walk when I needed to and try to come in under 40. Running the first mile in 12 minutes made that 2nd goal still possible but only if I didn’t let my other two miles slip.

Looking at the photos, I was actually happy to see my foot striking was more mid-foot to fore-foot strike not a heel strike.

But quickly after the race, Dan scolded me and told me “Mommy you don’t run right. You are supposed to run fast and put your legs out in front of you. Like this…” as he sprinted around.

Poor boy… doesn’t quite understand that his Mommy was NEVER FAST and would NEVER BE FAST and will never put her legs out in front and run like the wind. LOL!

Back to the race…

Speaking of back… what’s a good race without a photo like this?!? I know I’ve always wanted a good ass shot. Doesn’t everyone?

Around the 2.6 mile mark, Jessica came out to cheer me on and pace me to the end. It was really great seeing her at this point.  I was still pushing hard but I’m not sure I would have gotten the last mile in 12 minutes if she hadn’t been with me.

But quick note… see the guy in the yellow shirt? Remember him from the photo above? Yeah… he WAS behind me… and now he is a good clip ahead of me. I never did catch him again. I should have stayed with him from the beginning and paced myself with him. He seemed to pace himself much better in the first mile than I did and ultimately finished ahead of me.

Jess was trying her hardest to get me to run faster. She kept trying to run ahead of me and look back to see if I was still there.  Finally I had to tell her “Jess I can’t run that fast and you need to stay closer to me.”

So that brought on some smiles and giggles… or maybe it was just the sign that said “Speed Limit 30″. More like “Speed Limit Turtle”.

But do you notice something in this photo? See it? No look closer.

Here I’ll help you!

YES! Those are my feet. And yes… they are BOTH off the ground!!! Look ma, no hands!

My little pain in the ass helper kept plodding me along. “Come on Mom! Just a little farther. Here let me help. I’ll just pull you a little…”

Coming into the final stretch…

Note the guy running behind me…

Yeah that would be him crossing the finish line before me… lol! My sprint died about a quarter mile back.

I was so happy to see the clock under 40! And at the same time, I was sad I had just missed being under 39…

Until the official results were put up…

Umm… can you say CHIP TIMED! D’oh!

#137 Jennifer Reed @ 38:45

WOO HOO!!!!

I can’t believe I was originally planning on just sneaking out the door that Sunday morning and driving off to run this. I am SO GLAD that my family was there to support me. I am SO HAPPY that Sam was able to capture my race in these photos. Even if I never run another race, I have these wonderful memories.

My family was very proud of me and it felt REALLY GOOD!

I am truly blessed.

Fresh Blossom contains
16 papers, 56 embellishments, 22 word art pieces and 2 full alphas (upper and lower)

You can see more layouts using Fresh Blossom in my gallery.

In January I was the ScrapGirls club designer and released Reflections of the Heart. Now’s the time to grab this collection if you haven’t already! ScrapGirls doesn’t have sales this big very often. There are also several coordinating pieces to Reflections of the Heart.

Reflections of the Heart contains

16 papers, 81 embellishments, 8 wordart pieces and 2 alphas

You can see more layouts using Reflections of the Heart in my gallery.

As I get older, I am starting to detest winter more and more – read that as HATE WITH A PASSION. I never thought I’d be one of those people who would move to Florida when they got older but I am really thinking about it lately. Why wait for older? I’m ready now.

This is what the bottom of my driveway looks like. It’s what most of the streets around here look like. It’s worse where they haven’t plowed. The school parking lot was incredibly bad this morning. You think they’d plow the damn thing from a safety standpoint. Nope. Hopefully it’ll be plowed when I go pick up Dan.

But as I was driving back from the gym this morning (yes I have gotten myself back to the gym this week!) and I saw this mess all over the streets, I looked up.

Boy what a view change! It was BEAUTIFUL! I’ll have to remember to look up more often. My photo doesn’t do the snow covered trees justice.

This week in life

I posted a separate update about my running and my return to the gym here.

Dan is doing well in Karate so much so that they want to move him up to the official “adult belt” class. In the class he’s currently in they let the kids slide more on discipline. The new class will still have kids Dan’s age but it’s focus is very different. Instead of being one of the older kids, he’ll be one of the youngest. Dan isn’t always focused in class but he’s been doing really great – moving up color stripes each time he tests. He really seems to like Karate.

They want to move him up to the other class after his next testing (for his blue stripe) which would be end of March. Usually they move the kids up after they test for their black stripe. I guess they feel he’s ready and is serious and focused. HA! I know Dan can be very focused but he’s also a typical 7 year old boy who goofs off more often than not.

The other class only tests every 6 months so that will definitely be different. Currently he tests every 8 weeks. I’m not sure they’d have him test for a black stripe or test him for an adult white or orange. I’m still unsure how it all works.

Anyway in preparation for the class move, I picked up this belt display so we can display all his belts in his room. They’ve just been hanging in his closet. lol! Now I just have to hang it on his wall.

The girls had their final swim meet of the season this past Monday. It was a long day for poor Dan but he was a trooper.  They had to be there at 3pm and we weren’t out of there until 7pm. Swim meets are so long for watching about 4 minutes of swimming.

The girls each swam 3 events and ended up with personal bests for two of them! They were super excited.  Here are some photos taken with my 55-250mm lens from the balcony. I’m still obviously working on my camera skills but I think these came out pretty decent.

Both of them shaved off a few seconds from their previous 100 free times. Very proud of them both! Jess almost pulled out the win coming from way behind. It seems like she is always last off the block. lol!

So the swim season is officially over. They’ll have a break for a few months until they start up again in the summer.

I’ve been telling myself that I really needed to get back to lifting weights not just doing cardio. My plan is to go back to what I used to do when I did the Body for Life 9 years ago (wow! 9 years? really?).

I work on arms one day, do cardio the next, then legs/abs, back to cardio, arms, cardio, rest, repeat.  The weeks get switched up – one week with 2 days of arms / 1 day of legs/abs and then the next week flips with 2 days of legs/abs and 1 day of arms.

It was really good to get back to lifting weights… but wow I get sore like crazy the first week back. Usually after the first week, I’m good but that first week is SORE. The delayed onset muscle soreness (yes it actually has a name) started to be REALLY noticeable when I turned 34-35.

I think my body is telling me that the real answer is to NOT STOP EXERCISING.

“For the past 5 years I keep hurting you more each time you return to working out after being away (even if it’s only a few months of being away). Are you really that stupid here? You don’t seem to be getting my message. Let me spell it out for you. If you would just KEEP EXERCISING and stop falling off the wagon then this crazy soreness won’t happen. Hello?!? Is this thing on?”

So I’m back to the gym. Does that mean I’m stopping running? No. I really do want to get better at running. So I’ve decided to keep trying to run a mile every day after I do my workout at the gym. Hopefully that will change to more than one mile but right now running the one mile is back to being hard for me so I’m sticking with one mile.

I did stay true to what I said I was going to do in January.  Each day I ran I snapped a quick photo.  (The photos with my bare feet were taken after I took a shower. I forgot to take the before photo.)

I wish I could say Feb looks like this on my phone… but it doesn’t. Feb only has two photos from this week.

Hopefully there will be 5 more before the month ends!

• I ran but not every day like I wanted.
• I thought about blogging and even started a list of topics to write about but never actually WROTE anything.
• I took some photos but not as many as I intended and I never did anything with the photos I did take.
• And to top it off, my design muse left me high and dry. No ambition to design whatsoever.

Luckily, I was the January ScrapGirls Club designer so at least it “appeared” like I was still around and actively designing but the reality is I haven’t designed anything since mid-December. I designed Reflections of the Heart back in October. So far in 2012, I haven’t felt motivated to do much of anything. I’ll admit it. It’s been a rough few months. Not to mention that my family seems to be sick on and off since the beginning of February.

I was horribly sick on Feb 1st with a very bad bout of food poisoning. So bad that Rick had to stay home to take Dan to school because I was not able to function. Luckily the severity only lasted that one day but it did take me a few days to truly recover. That weekend both of the girls were sick and Dan followed on Monday with a severe ear infection that kept him home from school for three days – the boy who is never sick.  That was last week.  Jump ahead to this week and I was sick again this time with a head cold that just wouldn’t go away – done for the day around 7pm for 3 days straight. Today is the first day all week that I’ve felt halfway decent. Hooray for small things!

Usually January is my best month of the year. It’s where my full Capricorn comes out! Lots of energy. Lots of ambition. Lots of changes. Just not this year.

So instead I did what I always do when my body and mind are telling me they’ve had quite enough of my abuse and have been run into the ground… I vegged and did nothing for a long time.

Then I got a call on Feb 1st – the day I was dog sick.  I couldn’t even answer the call and let it go into voicemail. That’s when I found out two of my collections were being picked up for scrapbook products due out this summer for a big box wholesaler. Awesome, right? Well.. kinda. One of the collections they wanted was completed. The other “collection”…nope not done. Not even close. Only bits and pieces were designed to give “an idea” of direction. That meant I had to *gasp* design again! Actually open up Photoshop for the first time in weeks…

Where was my muse? She needed to wake the &*@%# up! RIGHT NOW! 

Having to design on demand when you haven’t been designing regularly is HARD. DAMN HARD. Designing on demand is hard anyway but when you aren’t in the right mindset, have a nice flow or can’t find your groove everything comes out wrong. So you nitpick. And nitpick. Still not happy. Finally you have to just deal with it. It’s good enough. Remember good enough? Yeah… this one is going to have to be just that. Good enough.

In the end I believe I do have what they wanted for this particular product. Even though the palette is quite bright and the collection was created with a half a muse…I think it’ll be fine. It has to be.

What else?

On Feb 8th I was able to pay off my long standing business credit card with old Kristy Valshan debt. Yes, I’m actually using the KV word. That word has been taboo for me for awhile. But the harsh reality is that if I pull that thread out and try to undo that period of my life my tapestry unweaves (TNG anyone?) I’ve had about 10K of KV debt hanging over my head since 2008-9. It was such a great feeling to finally be able to pay that debt off completely – and not just pay it off with personal funds (aka using my husband’s income) but actually pay it off with money my business has made. That felt so good and really was a HUGE accomplishment and personal victory for me. One I know I shouldn’t dismiss so quickly.

So now my inner voice is shouting at me “What the hell is wrong with you Jen? Seriously? You had some great things happen already this year and you need to celebrate them. You need to feel good about them. You reached some milestone goals you set for yourself and you need to stop downplaying them. Toot your own horn a little. Appreciate the moment for what it is and enjoy it!“

Too often when the good happens – and even the great happens – I downplay it and am too busy with my eye on the horizon. Always on the next thing. Never in the moment.

A Yoda intervention maybe?

For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.

Most of the time I am serious. Too serious. It’s not focus I need but rather more mindfulness of where I am in this moment and not what I should be doing or what I haven’t done yet.

So I’m stopping today. Enjoying the moment. Enjoying the goodness that has already come this year for me. It’s been a long road and I’ve arrived at the end of this particular journey.

I think I’ll rest a minute or two before I start my next journey.

While the product is cool … the graphic on Idea Paint‘s homepage with all the mathematics formulas is… WAY NERDY COOL! 

I’ll take me some just like that!

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have all that mathematical formula across my entire wall. Can you say math geek at heart?

The kids would absolutely adore this product.  Whiteboard across the entire wall – very interesting idea for a kitchen wall or the wall behind my desk. Hmmm…

I know places like Home Depot and Lowes carry paint like this and chalkboard paint too – but usually it’s just in a pint not in a gallon (although I haven’t been there recently).  I have no idea how it compares in price or quality of usage. The paint from Idea Paint is quite expensive.

But very cool photos of usage…

My main health goal for 2012 is to go back to the gym and lift 2-3 times a week and run the other 4-3 days for a total of 6 workout days every week. January is always a crazy month for me and I know I’m not in the right mindset to go back to the gym and stick with it. This time of year also has all the “new year resolution” people at the gym and it’s always hard to find a machine.

Rather than set myself up to fail right off AND to coincide with my 2012 “Good Enough” plan, I have decided to run ONE MILE every day during the month of January.

Just ONE MILE every day. That’s it.

I can do that. It’s only 15 minutes. It’s only 1 mile.

When Feb comes, I’ll make the decision whether to increase my mileage (probably to 1.5 miles every day) or not. Slowly but surely I’ll get to my year goal of being able to run 3.1 miles without stopping.

My old running shoes have taken a beating. I had been good and using them only to run. But then in December I started wearing them every day and they are worn out. So for my birthday Rick’s parents bought me a new pair of running shoes.

I have high arches and underpronate. I had been running in the Asics Gel Nimbus 12 but those aren’t carried anymore as the new version 13 is out. The Nimbus 13′s just don’t have enough area in the toe for me. I decided to try the Brooks Glycerin 9 this time. I’m not sure what I think yet. My calves have been sore the past two days but I think that’s because I haven’t run in so long (or done any form of exercise). My body has a tendency to hurt a lot the first week or so after I start exercising again. lol!

Here’s a look at my bad boys.

As part of my RUN ONE MILE A DAY plan, I am using the Photos 365 iPhone app to track each day. I had seen another blogger (can’t remember who) post a digital calendar showing her shoes for every day she ran. I thought that was a great idea and would be easy enough to do with my iPhone as I head out.

The Good, The Bad and the Have You Lost Your Mind?

I bought a full length mirror a few months ago with the idea of forcing myself to look at my entire body length more (not just look at my face in the bathroom mirror). I am definitely not one for looking at myself in the mirror – I tend to avoid them – but I thought this was a good way for me to keep myself on the weight loss path.

Earlier this week I had texted a friend this photo (Oh.. now don’t laugh. I’m sure you have texted weird s##t like this too.) It’s amazing what you kid yourself into believing. As I was sending this I thought “My thighs don’t really look THAT bad.”

Now jump ahead to today. As part of my running journey I wanted to take a “before” shot. So much for not looking THAT bad…

I can’t believe I’m even going to post this damn photo but I want to share more of my personal journeys on this blog. Hopefully this will help me be more accountable to myself. I mean… if this damn photo is out here then I sure as hell am going to work to have an “after” photo to eventually go with it. Right? Right?  Yeah.. right!

I’ve always carried more weight in my upper legs and stomach. I guess I’m a pear shape.

HATE IT!

I also have a big “Kim Kardashian” bubble butt. Always have. I don’t think I’m going to get rid of much of that. But if I can slim my legs down in general I’ll be much happier.

So hopefully by the end of January I’ll see some improvement… with my long term goal of seeing a nice improvement come this summer.

Just ONE MILE every day. That’s it.

Hope to see you on the road!

2010

2010 was the year I came to terms with my failed business partnership and dealt with the emotional aftermath of that “divorce”.

• It was a year of healing. I had lost my way. I had lost my drive. I was depressed. I had completely lost myself. Who the hell was this person? It certainly wasn’t me. I had been hurt so deeply and my recovery process was painfully slow.
• It was a year of reflection. How had I gotten to this point? What part did I play in all of it? Could I have prevented it? Why did it happen in the first place? Could I have chosen better path for myself?
• It was a year of decision making. What did I really want to do? What would make me happy?
• It was a year of rebuilding. Where did I want to go from here? How was I going to get there?
• It was a year of rediscovery. Where was the “professional” I used to be? Did I still have any design talent? Was I even any good anymore? I had so much to re-learn.

2010 was a very hard year for me.

2011

2011 was my year of moving forward.

At times it doesn’t feel like much happened in 2011.  But looking back I found that I really did accomplish a lot of great things last year. More than I thought I did.

• I designed. A LOT. I got back into designing on a regular schedule. I found some mojo along the way. I designed more in 2011 then I have in all my other years in the digital scrapbook industry combined – going all the way back to 2005. That’s how design intensive 2011 was for me.
• I paid off old business debt. I found a design home with a top digital scrapbook company and as a result have been able to pay off some serious business debt that I accrued trying to get my failed business partnership off the ground.
• I scrapped. I scrapped over 100 layouts last year including printing and putting them into a 12×12 keepsake binder. This was a wonderful accomplishment for me.
• I cleaned. I got my house under control. I did some major house clean-up in 2011 and put myself on a regular maintenance cleaning schedule every Monday. I felt good because my house felt good.
• I exercised. In July, I started working out regularly again. I set a goal of losing 30 lbs by my birthday (Jan 7th). During this time I started running again. I certainly didn’t set any barn burner run times. But I was out there doing it. Regularly. Running. ME!
• I lost weight.  While I didn’t reach my weight loss goal of 30lbs, I did lose 17 lbs.

Even with all that, I’d have to say the biggest accomplishment of the year was that I moved forward and stopped looking back.

2012

2012 will be my year of letting go and start saying “good enough” more.

• I will stop holding myself to unrealistic goals and standards.
• I will let go of my perfectionist nature.
• I will stop over analyzing everything before I do it.
• I will try more things.
• I will create more for myself than for a paycheck.
• I will keep “good enough” control over my designing.  My collections can get out of control quickly and often I find I can’t stop designing.  ”Oh it needs this one more thing” and before you know it a collection that should have 40-50 embellishments in it has 75-90 embellishments in it. Basically TWO collections in one. Overkill.
• I will take more photos (and be IN more photos).
• I will learn more about photography.
• I will scrap more “everyday” stories of my family.
• I will let go of my personal web store.

That last one was a very hard decision for me. I started thinking about letting my personal store go back in November. Maintaining both a personal store and my ScrapGirls store was not working. Over half of the products in my ScrapGirls store never made it to my personal store. It was just too time-consuming for the little it was generating even with having help (thanks Nikki!).

The reality is I have more exposure and financial potential with my store at ScrapGirls and need to be focusing all my design effort stocking and promoting my products there. When I joined the design team back in April, I wasn’t mentally ready to take the leap of faith and give up what I perceived as control. But almost a year later, I’m now ready.  It is simply a better use of my time and money.

As part of letting my personal store go, I have also switched over my design blog to JenReed.com. During the next year, my goal is to blog more in general including sharing more photos of my family. I’m starting everything over. Fresh new blog. Fresh new start. Feels good.

“Good Enough” in 2012

My 2012 “good enough” journey begins today. I’m turning this blog on live even though I haven’t added all my collections to it yet and I only have one post on it. I’ve spend the last week or so working on getting the basic look how I wanted along with getting the blog to showcase my products in an easy to maintain way. So I feel the blog is “good enough” to go live. So I’m jumping in.

This journey won’t be easy for me.  There will be times I will fail as I am too much a control freak and perfectionist. I will definitely have to keep reminding myself.

• “Good enough” does not mean half ass.
• “Good enough” does not mean unprofessional.
• “Good enough” does not mean being sloppy.
• “Good enough” does not mean not striving for excellence.
• “Good enough” does not mean excuses.
• “Good enough” does not mean giving up.
• “Good enough” does not mean failure.

Good enough simply means that I will not torture myself by setting ridiculous expectations. I will be kinder to myself. I can be a high achiever and not an unrealistic perfectionist.

• So what if it takes me longer to run a mile?
• So what if it takes me longer to produce new products? (I will not be working myself like a dog this year.)
• So what if it takes me a little longer to lose the weight I want to lose?
• So what if it takes me longer to do <whatever>?

So what?

I’m moving forward and that’s all that really needs to happen.  It’s going to be good enough.