Jez Kemp's Blog

A Very Lemon Curdmas

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Mon, 05 Dec 2016 12:03:00 +0000

Hello! Just a quick update. This weekend, the Lemoncurd Kids hosted a Christmas party gig at the Bassment in Chelmsford to cap off a wonderful year where they released their debut album and won best band at Chelmsford's PANIC Awards.

I was very grateful to be invited to play, and had a great time playing to old friends and some new faces. Since it was a festive party gig, the set was pretty much the Jez Kemp Greatest Pop Smash Hits, but it was nice to also bust out a new song "Liars Will Tell You The World Is Simple".

It's also one of the most fun sets I've played in ages - gigs are always easier and more relaxed when you can have a laugh and joke with your mates in the front row.

The other bands Zen Motel and Creme de Chevre were punk AF and amusingly ridiculous respectively, and it was great to see old time Chelmsfordian Dave Moriaty play a solo set.

It's fair to say that a new city, busy job, doing my masters and starting a new relationship has meant that this year I've done less writing, recording and performing than I'd hoped. But I'm 12 months into this crazy global mega-city now - so familiar and yet always so very very new. So I'm looking forward to being more productive and playing new places with new people in 2017.

And in some respects, the less said about 2016 the better, right?

Hope you're well, friends in UK NZ Aussie and All The Countries, and a very Lemon Curdmas to you all.

Jx

Photo by Jemma B

"Attack Winter" A song for #Brexit

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Thu, 21 Jul 2016 23:26:00 +0000

I wrote this furious song 4 years ago - forever ago, basically. Before I'd even released my light and bright album "Airfix Democracies" (October 2012), I'd written this bastard of a song, and I knew it was a bastard.

But 4 weeks after Brexit, it has a whole new meaning. (full lyrics below)

It was intended as a snarling, anthemic, guttersnipe opening track to my album "To The Greater Glory Of". And it still will be, whenever I get round to recording that album.

It's inspired not just by the Manic Street Preachers' album "The Holy Bible", but specifically the upbeat and melodic parts of that album: the chorus of "Die In The Summertime", the outro solo of "Archives Of Pain", the whole tracks of "Faster" and "P.C.P.".

And yet here we are, in a Britain drowning - more than ever before - in fear, hate crime, inequality and bastardry.

This scrappy anthem of incoherent rage seems like it was born to express what I've felt the past 4 weeks as our country has "taken back control".

Rage at the 52/48 "victory" being seen by anyone, ANYONE, as a "clear" result and message.
Rage at the "go home" racism and xenophobia which has refused to simply hide in plain sight and now roars in plain sight.
Rage at the political establishment and the media which incite fear and hatred of poor white people for their personal gain without any fear of consequence.

Above all, the strongest connection is the original message of the song - if there was one - "attack winter".

The original idea was that "winter" is the inertia, the depression, the failure, that creeps in from all sides - the black dogs waiting for us, creeping and prowling. In different ways, on different levels, we must all fight our own winter. "Only you can attack win-ta-ta-ta-ta-teeerrrrrr"

But here and now, with the flagrant "go-home" racism, suspicion and paranoia we are coming to expect, "winter" is the shambles and the chaos of a new Britain where austerity is justified in the bright lights to the people it crushes. "Winter" is the onslaught against human rights, and the legislation they rely on, and the burying of inclusive positive values we find it so easy to say and even easier to forget.

Winter has arrived, and only you can attack win-ta-ta-ta-taaaaaggggghhhhhhhhh

ATTACK WINTER

They call me Frankenstein, a monster dignified
But I'm no law for all, not even my own kind
Progress is crucified, a nation petrified
This country's motto carved in formaldehyde

BLOOD - STEAL - TAKE - DIE
THIS KINGDOM IS YOURS

Attack winter! Attack winter
Furious outbreak of the night, and watch my people fight
Attack winter! Attack winter
Moral failure of the right, and the left is out of sight

We never needed virgins anyway
With helicopters full of doctors for the rich who'll stitch you up and keep you pure
And all the time, the cold was closing in
And only you can attack win-ta-ta-ta-taaaaaaaaaa

They call it Lebensraum, another empty town
Horizon full of cranes and meaningless construction
Slaves with their plastic crowns, cowards on their way out
The only interesting part is the corruption

BLOOD - STEAL - TAKE - DIE
THIS KINGDOM IS YOURS

Attack winter! Attack winter
Furious outbreak of the night, and watch my people fight
Attack winter! Attack winter
Moral failure of the right, and the left is out of sight

We'll vote for whores and butchers any day
Keep the rank and file infighting, with fake scars of fake lashes on your back
And all the time, the cold was closing in
And only you can attack win-ta-ta-ta-taaaaaaaaaa

H - A - T - E
Turn up the hate, yeah
H - A - T - E
Turn up the hate, yeah

H - A - T - E
Turn up the hate, yeah

BLOOD - STEAL - TAKE - DIE - FIGHT - WARS
THIS KINGDOM WAS NEVER YOURS

Attack winter! Attack winter
Furious outbreak of the night, and watch my people fight
Attack winter! Attack winter
Moral failure of the right, and the left is out of sight

Who gives a fuck about your yesterdays?/Deluded posers lost in yesterdays
Pathetic fake plastic nostalgic bullshit vintage vinyl retro cassette cunts
And all the time, that frost was bitching in
And only you, only you, ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK

Vote Remain, for a positive UK future

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Mon, 20 Jun 2016 03:40:00 +0000

I'm going to give you a brief, clear and positive run-down of why it's important to get out on Thursday 23rd and vote Remain.

The biggest reason, the most fundamental reason, is the message. What do Vote Leave or Vote Remain results say to ourselves?

We need a strong Vote Remain result to show we are a positive, inclusive country that belongs in Europe and that we reject fear, hate and divison.

Neither official campaigns have been positive. But the Vote Leave campaign has been appalling.

As their arguments have failed on the economy, Vote Leave have relied more and more on their trump card: exploiting fear and hatred of foreigners, refugees and immigrants to justify leaving the EU.

A Vote Leave result would be a result for the foreigner-bashers and the hatemongers who lay all our problems at the door of immigrants, refugees and the EU. They do not represent us. We are better than that.

A lot of the British working class and poor have been sold flat-out lies by people like Farage, Gove, Boris and Patel - far-right Conservatives who are committed to cutting the welfare state, not improving it. "We'll cut the NHS, but Vote Leave for us and we'll save it!" As if. They are opportunists and fear-mongers. We are better than that.

The EU isn't perfect, but it does a lot for us, and we do a lot for it.

The Vote Leave campaign has always been "What's in it for US?!" It is a negative, selfish view.

The Remain campaign has answered that question, showing the huge economic benefits of being in, versus the giant problems and risks of both leaving - and then being out.

But equally important is a better attitude. The EU is a community of countries, and Britain both contributes and benefits from being a member. That's how communities work.

Yes, we can and should be at the forefront of the EU. The EU needs constant pressure to reform so that it remains accountable. But there are other countries in the EU and they also benefit and contribute. They are not better or worse than us. That's what it means to be a community.

It's so important this week to remind ourselves and each other of who we think we are, and what we believe in.

That we're an inclusive country, not a divisive one.

That we want to engage with Europe and fix things co-operatively, instead of turning our back and walking away.

That we choose economic stability and reality, instead of nonsense sold by thieves and opportunists.

That we won't let fearmongers and the politics of hate decide our country's future.

Get out, vote, and vote Remain for a positive UK.

6 months in London: Exams over, roll on summer

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Sun, 15 May 2016 09:41:00 +0000

Every time I move to a new country, it takes me 6 months to get my head round it. During that time I'm excited but also very stressed - trying to process so many new things, from new phrases to new maps, new ways to get from A to B.

In New Zealand, it was all mixed up with a) the excitement of being in a new country, and b) the impotence and fury of job hunting and temping.

In Australia, it was freaking out on the dark, giant deserted streets of the "inner North", baffled at how spread out Melbourne is and how everyone is absolutely fine with that.

London has been no different. Despite being born here (6-year-old Jez: "Why does everyone in East Ham support West Ham?"), despite re/acquainting myself in the summer of 2013, it was madness when I moved into a new house + started a new job in the same weekend 6 months ago, and it's been madness since then.

But the madness has eased, a bit, and I'm feeling happier about what's going on. Despite the rent going up and a change of housemate, I'm feeling relatively secure in my house - I can be confident that I'll still be here in 6 months' time, hopefully more. My job at Bureaucracy K is still not secure, despite doing a key role and being extended twice, but I'm less anxious about it than I was.

And finally, the cold has fucked off.

I'm not even kidding. The whole of April I wore my winter coat. I know full well from before leaving the UK that spring isn't warm. March is always bitterly cold. April is usually crap. But it's not usually freezing cold right into May. Finally we've just had a week of warm summery weather, which I'm certainly happy about, but even more excited - I can physically relax - now that the cold of winter has finally fucked the fuck off.

This week I had my uni exams, which went about as well/badly as I'd expect for taking no time off work to revise. Lessons learned for next year hopefully. But I'm now free from what feels like second job, and very excited to have some time again to do creative things I've been putting off - new music, long overdue book edits, website updates, etc.

Also looking forward to things like dates, gigs, rum, parties, weddings, and all the nonsense of summer. Bring it.

Jx

The Library Suits are playing their last ever show and I'm not crying honest

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Sun, 20 Mar 2016 23:46:00 +0000

This weekend my favourite local band, The Library Suits, are playing their last ever gig at the Bassment in Chelmsford, Saturday 26th March.

I'm massively happy to be supporting them, along with Alex Fox (lad can sing), and it's going to be a cracking night. But it's also very sad to see the end of a era.

Firstly, if you've not heard anything by them, you can hear all 3 of their albums on their Soundcloud profile. But I've embedded some players so you can stay here and carry on reading.

I've played with all 4 of the boys at some point - Paul and Rich in my first band, the amazingly named Liquid Idolator (1999-2002) and Matt and Jon in that band and F451 (2003-2007).

The Library Suits started in the end of F451. We crashed and burned at the end of 2007, feeling burnt out and like we'd failed, despite having achieved a lot.

But another factor was a simple sense of "no", and "can't". The dynamic was very much me telling Matt and Jon what we were going to do; they'd stopped asking if we could do X or play Y, because I'd just say no. Even I could tell they were frustrated, but I was such a dick and so lost, I didn't know how to get out.

So, when The Library Suits burst onto the scene with bright catchy rock songs and epic choruses, it was a breath of fresh air for me, and probably hugely liberating for them. The speed of the project was impressive - rehearsing, writing and recording mini-album "Because It's Somewhere To Be" in a matter of months - and I still remember being blown away at that gig at the Two Brewers in Chelmsford, October 2008.

Since then they recorded 2 more full albums, a Christmas single, several quality videos including the hilarious "You Don't Have To Be A Wizard", played endless gigs, and even appeared on TV (the Hollyoaks Music Show, playing "Jeremy Kyle's Inner Valkyrie").

Sadly I've only seen the full band play a couple of times. After that first gig, I left for New Zealand; by the time I got back for the summer of 2013, The Library Suits had wound down and weren't playing so often. But I remember sitting up with breakfast at home in bed in Wellington, NZ, to watch the album launch for "suffer:recover" on Barhouse venue's live video stream. (Interestingly enough, they were supported that night by Mark Burnside AKA The Lemoncurd Kid; Jon now drums in The Lemoncurd Kids full band, whose album is coming out very soon - check out preview track "Pieces".)

The epic album "Destroy:Discover" is my favourite album by an unsigned band. It's one of my favourite albums full stop. Yes, I'm biased, but I dare you to listen to it and find a fault. As a British indie-rock album, it is loud, melodic and unapologetic, intelligent and playful, furious and wistful, and genuinely, honestly uplifting. The quality of the songwriting and the songs themselves is better than a lot of albums by the big, signed, famous bands they've been influenced by.

Unofficial band members include Neak Menter, an old comrade from the Essex music scene and the producer who brought The Library Suits' recordings to life, and our photographer friend Matt Pawsey who's always been there for the band (even playing Harry Potter in the Wizard video), and who's just always been there for all of us as a friend.

Most bands have a life span. Like any relationship, if you can make something good, and get out alive and still be friends, that's a success in itself. The band has wound down, Matt has now moved up north, and to be honest, 8 years is a good innings.

So there's no grand drama about The Library Suits calling it a day, no gutting sense of loss. What there is, what I feel, is the sadness that a group who have produced excellent work, won't produce excellent work any more. They'll go on to join other groups and make other amazing work (did I mention The Lemoncurd Kids?), but it won't be them.

Even with all the other local bands we've seen and met through 16 years of playing music, it's hard to think who else could write and produce loud, catchy, pop-rock anthems about maths and mathematicians like "Cantor's Infinity" and "Everything For Sale", or emotional pop hits littered with historical references like "Ten Years", or about Russian revolutionary art like "October In The Theatre", or even just the darkly epic "Every Night It's You And I".

Who else will write songs like these?

The other reason I'm sad is for selfish reasons. The roots of The Library Suits were in the dark times of the end of F451; even bearing responsibility for the atmosphere in that band, I was tired and frustrated and burnt out too.

The Library Suits represented to me the optimism of a new project, of breaking out, of making something new and positive and bright and really really good, and just going for it and achieving it.

From that first mini-album, "Long Division" is about insecurity and emotions, yet it sounds bright and upbeat and uplifting. "Modern Life Is A Speeding Bullet" is still as fresh as the day it was made.

I've already made this too much about me. Obviously I can't give any perspective from inside the band. Jon, Paul, Rich or Matt could all write their own account, but it's not their style. I just wanted to write this to tell the internet, "here they were, and they were amazing".

If you can make it to Chelmsford this Saturday 26th March 2016 to watch an amazing band bow out in style, come to the Bassment and sing your heart out.

Optional fancy dress suggestions:

Time vampire
Philosopher
Wizard
Jeremy Kyle
Jeremy Kyle's inner valkyrie
Any character from Hollyoaks circa 2009
Russian artist (early 20th century)
Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt/both
Imelda Marcos
Baseball cap & stilettos
Hunter S Thompson
Reginald Perrin/Jasper Carrott/Julian Barratt (again)

All photos by Matt Pawsey, I think.
Go see a lot more here

2009:

...and 2016:

"Ten years from now, will you remember me?"
Yes, and a lot longer.

Trangender, non-binary, pansexual, and more: Quick explanations for people who want to know more

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Thu, 17 Mar 2016 01:22:00 +0000

There's an explosion of expression around gender and sexuality, and there's a lot of new or newish words being used to describe things we didn't have words for before.

So, here's some quick definitions and explanations if you need helping out.

I'd call it a "cheat sheet", but cheating implies there's some kind of "test".
The only test is, are you willing to treat people like people? If yes, you've already passed.

Cisgender (cis): You're born in a male/female body, and you're brought up male/female, and you're totally happy being male/female. Generally, most people are cis.
It's not "normal", it's just more common.

Transgender: Generally, one or more things different to the above.

Maybe you were born with a female body but feel very sincerely, deep down, that you're a man, or vice versa.
Maybe you were born with a male or female body but don't feel 100% male OR female - your gender identity is somewhere inbetween, or neither.

Being transgender doesn't just mean binary, ie. male to female (MtF) or female to male (FtM).

You don't need surgery to be transgender. Gender is different to biological/physical sex. E.g. some trans women born with a penis might be happy having a penis. They are still a woman, because genitals do not define our gender.

Non-binary: Your gender identity is not truly male or female.

Most non-binary people are transgender, because most people are brought up male or female.

Agender: You feel like you have no gender.

Androgynous: To express (e.g. dress or act) like you have gender. Not the same as agender, asexual or non-binary.

Not all agender, asexual or non-binary people dress or act androgynous
Not all androgynous people are non-binary, asexual or agender

Genderfluid: You have different genders for different times or situations.

So, maybe you are usually a cis male, but once a month you go out to a bar as a woman - not just dressed as a woman, but actually behaving & feeling you are a woman.

Or, maybe you are usually a woman, but sometimes go out as a non-binary person.

Being genderfluid just means having more than one gender identity. It's totally okay, and it's definitely not just "dressing up".

Genderqueer: Someone who simply identifies differently to the standard binary definition of gender. Often used to specify about gender identity, and not "queer" as a sexual word meaning gay/non-straight.

Bisexual: Being attracted to men and women.

Pansexual: Being attracted to all genders.

What's the difference between bisexual and pansexual?

Bisexual means just being attracted to 2 genders, usually male and female. People can be attracted to men in one way and women in a different way.

Pansexual means being attracted to someone of any gender, including non-binary people.

Asexual: Not feeling sexual attraction at all.

Greysexual: Someone who feels sexual attraction/desire sometimes, but often doesn't. It's a pun on "asexual" but it's still a real thing.

Aromantic: Not feeling romantic attraction/love at all.

Greyromantic: Yep you guessed it, sometimes feeling romantic attraction/love, but often not.

Demiromantic: Someone who rarely feels romantic love or attraction, unless they've built an emotional connection first. It sounds very specific but it's actually very common.

Demisexual: As above, but with sexual attraction/desire.

Intersex: You're born with a body that's not 100% male or female.

This is actually much more common than people think. Parents' first question is often "is it a boy or girl?" and the answer given is usually based on whether then baby has male or female features. So, there's huge pressure on doctors and parents to have a child which is 100% one or the other - often resulting in unnecessary surgery to babies to make them physically "fully" male or female.

Femme: Someone who acts or dresses femininely. This is often used by non-binary people to describe that they lean towards femininity, but can apply to anyone who presents themselves in a feminine way, even men.

Masc: As above but acting or dressing in a masculine way.

Really, the key thing to remember is this: that there aren't just 2 giant boxes marked "male" and "female", and everyone who says something different is just being pretentious and attention-seeking.

Sex and gender are separate things, and can be as varied as human beings are.

Also remember that people experiment and change their gender - maybe it takes some time to work it out, or maybe it changes gradually through their life.

All this is off the top of my head, so if I've got anything wrong or missed anything out, let me know nicely please!

Finally ... hello from London.

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Sun, 20 Dec 2015 22:27:00 +0000

Greetings from London! Or more specifically, Frankfurt, ish.

I've been waiting a long time to write this post. I got back to the UK in May, and wanted to be settled in London - at least with a flat, if not a job - before writing it.

That took 6 months.

So it's doubly ironic that I've been 5 weeks into both a great job and a great house before finally finding the time to say hello: waiting in an airport, early for my flight. What can I say, it's becoming a habit.

This weekend has been 48hrs of Christmas markets with friends, including the marvellous @desdrata, who brought - all the way from Australia - a present of the fluff you get in the drier filter. I'll have to explain that one another time...

London is marvellous. It's busy, it's big, it'll eat you alive, etc. I feel like after 5 weeks of madness my life still hasn't calmed down; I guess I trade some kinds of madness for others.

Finding a job was frustratingly just as frustrating as finding one in a different country. Being away 7 years means you miss out on the little things, even having popped in to catch up on the big things.

I had my first Nandos in Bristol 12ish years ago; yet some time in the last 2 or 3, it has colonised the entire country.

People used to drink "bubbles"; now, UK offices are powered by the promise of Prosecco.

And in this same time, 2 changes happened:

- Everything became "digital". We live in Digital Britain now. So while I looked for jobs with "web content", agents asked me to make my CV "more digital". I'm now working in digital communications. I blame the Olympics.

- Everyone is a "manager". Not a manager of people. A manager of whatever your work is about. David Cameron's job title is probably now "British Affairs Manager". Your mum is probably a "Parenting Manager".

It's all fine, but moving back to your own country really is like moving to another country.

The irony of coming back to the UK thinking I wouldn't have to worry about visas any more, is talking to agents on the phone who hear my accent and ask "What's your visa situation?"

I'm kind of pleased in a way, because I like my accent; I just correct people when they think it's Australian.

When you move to a new city, you have to make it work yourself. Even if you have friends there who can offer you a couch for a week or two. You need a job and a flat, preferably in that order.

But moving back to the UK, with my parents still living happily in our old semidetached family house in Essex, with my childhood books still on the bookshelf in the spare room (Animals Of Farthing Wood reprazent!)... They were happy to have me and I was happy to be there.

It just still felt strange when people would message me saying "How's London?" when I wasn't in London.

Just 50km away, after 7 years of saying "next year", I felt further from London than ever.

So, I was glad to have 3 months of straightforward web work at University Y. It was definitely what I needed at the time, if only so that employers would stop looking at my CV saying "Dis guy looks like an alien OR SUTIN".

But then finally, somehow, things went right; I got a great house with great people before I'd even started looking. It's the Isle of Dogs, which is already causing much amusement. I'm technically north of the river, despite being south of Greenwich. We have a garden and a lounge, which are both nearly extinct in London now (they've all been built on and turned into bedrooms respectively). And I can catch the boat most of the way to work - skipping the madness of the tube is my treat once a week.

And now I have a "proper" communications job in Public Sector Organisation H, which is interesting and engaging and important and even well-paid. (Well, it seems like a lot of money, but maybe I've just been brutalised by 7 years of temp & contract jobs down under.)

It's full of acronyms and legalistic language and needless bureaucracy and I feel very much at home.

There's plenty more I want to share with you, readers, the world, mainly because this blog is all about me and I have a crippling, debilitating need to be understood. But they can wait.

I've got a flight to catch.

The "Paracetamol Challenge" Doesn't Exist And Everyone Is An Idiot

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Wed, 27 May 2015 00:22:00 +0000

If the first you hear about a new "craze" is the backlash against it, it's probably not actually a "craze".

A few hours ago I saw a Facebook friend post an article about the terrifying "#ParacetamolChallenge", where children are apparently daring each other to overdose on paracetamol - which is, genuinely, extremely dangerous.

But looking for more information, all I could find was the same thing: news articles from major respected newspapers and media organisations saying "apparently" and "so-called" and "dangerous new craze".

There's very little actual information or examples of this "trend". Which is surprising, if it's a trend, right?

First here's the tweet from Coatbridge Police (it's in Scotland) which all the major stories have not just quoted but embedded:

We've heard about the #paracetamolchallenge. DONT get involved in this. It causes liver & kidney failure...and death pic.twitter.com/lTsM13vaYM
— CoatbridgePolice (@CoatbridgePol) May 5, 2015

Firstly you'll note it's from 5th May - 3 weeks ago. If this was a scary new trend, like the newspapers are reporting, how come we've heard nothing about it until the last 24hrs?

Secondly, this tweet only has 25 favourites and 79 retweets (at time of writing) - despite being 3 weeks old and embedded in stories by several major news organisations.

This is no surprise - moral panics and scare stories travel without any need for the original news they're based on.

If you hear phrases like "dangerous new craze", alarm bells should ring about the accuracy of whatever is being claimed.

Having written about the "New Trend In Portland" last year, this phrase and the topic bears a number of similarities in why this story has gone viral - regardless of whether it's true or not:

Drugs
Children and Youth
Health
"Trends", memes, and power of the internet

Usually stories like "New Trend In Portland" slowly creep up the food chain of smaller Facebook pages to bigger Facebook pages, as the owner of each bigger page works out they can gain new followers and attention from sharing whatever gross/funny/terrifying story that's going around.

But with this is powerful combination of factors, it's no surprise that #ParacetamolChallenge has rocketed up the media hierarchy to major news outlets.

What we've got here is an accidental case of Brass Eye's "Cake" drug story. While paracetamol is certainly not a "made-up drug" like Cake, the story is just as made-up as the story of "Cake", which even made it into the UK Parliament.

What information do we actually have on the so-called "so-called Paracetamol Challenge"?

As some links report, it "came to light" around March - so this story is 2 months old at least.

The Scotsman reported last week on the "craze". But scrape through the vague scaremongering and there is very little to be certain of:

that one person, probably a child, may have been hospitalised, "apparently" from being dared to overdose on paracetamol, and
that a lot of people were scared by it, with East Ayrshire schools sending out notices to parents and telling them to monitor their social media use (as if parents aren't constantly encouraged to do that already)

The article also embeds this tweet by from 7th May describing the challenge - but this is not evidence, and @Robbie_Demure could just be repeating what he saw or heard. It's still just "apparently".

So what we have is "apparently" a few kids in a small part of Scotland doing something stupid and dangerous - and that incident rapidly turning into a local scare story, which has now become a global scare story.

And all it needed was the word "Challenge" stuck on the end - probably by someone completely unrelated to the original incident - to mimic the name of 2014's Ice Bucket Challenge. Because there's nothing scarier than our children repeating a trend they saw on new technology in a new and dangerous way.

What would Marilyn Manson say?

There's also this article by the Mirror where a heartbroken mother who lost her daughter to a paracetamol overdose begs young people not to do it. But the crucial thing here, is that this girl died in 2011 - nothing to do with #ParacetamolChallenge. The story is justifiably tragic but tragedy is the only reason this article is popular, not accuracy or connection with this "dangerous new craze".

Here is a heartbroken woman begging children not to take part in a craze that does not exist.

On Twitter, the only results for #ParacetamolChallenge are people screaming how awful it is and how stupid kids are. I don't know how far back you'd have to go to find an actual example of, as the Mirror article claims, children "daring each other" to abuse paracetamol "on social media networks including Facebook, Twitter and Instagram".

A quick look at Instagram shows there is no hashtag for #ParacetamolChallenge.
Instagram may have removed it - they police and manage the available search terms - but even searching #paracetamol shows nothing about this "craze".
#ParacetamolOverdose is 8th on the list of available search terms, with 41 posts, the latest being 3 weeks ago.

And to be frank I'm not sure how anyone "dares" someone else on Instagram, seeing as it's a picture site. They allow short videos, sure - but it's clear the sheer mention of "social networks [hyperlinked] including Facebook, Twitter and Instagram" is specifically designed to press the right buttons, as described in the list above, of paranoid parents and judgmental readers, ready to react first and think later.

Talking of videos, what about Youtube? Considering the Ice Bucket Challenge spread specifically and directly through Youtube videos, you'd expect in a "craze" 3+ weeks old to find some kids daring other people to take the challenge, but no, nothing.

You'd also expect people to be shouting and raging about this dangerous new trend, but there seems to be just one video so far. 5 days old with 170,000 views, "The Newest Stupid Challenge That's F$%king Teens Up - SourceFed" claims "teens from all over the world are competing with each other to see who can take the most paracetamol". Really, guys?

They include a sample video of a kid spitting into a cup - it's even the thumbnail - as if this is an example video of the #ParacetamolChallenge, like some kind of proof it's really real. But we don't see him taking anything, there's no information about him, nothing - this is a kid from anywhere doing anything.

The male reporter with the toy giraffe on his head laughably says "campus cops are paying close attention to these trends", presumably unaware that British people hardly ever call high schools "campuses" and certainly don't have police in them! Which idiot at Sourcefed gave him this line?

The best irony is the presenters go on to describe other "trends" which are even more clearly made up, including taking drugs and alcohol anally "for a longer hit".

I should stop worrying about this - I've already spent an hour writing all this out, and my point is that kids are not actually dying, which is a good thing.

That's another point - if this was a real trend, we'd have heard about more than just 1 kid getting themselves into hospital, don't you think?

But what staggers me is how massively this story has been taken up, how literally and unquestionningly everyone takes it, and how seriously angry people are getting over something which is clearly not true. React first, think later.

Even international media have picked up the story - check the links below, and the hilarious Brass Eye video satirising fear of drugs way back in 1997.

The best past though? These scare stories and moral panics are poetically ironic.

This isn't even a lie or a conspiracy people are being fed - it's a lie people are only too happy to give themselves.

And it's a panic on social media about social media, when the only real event is the panic itself.

By the way, in case it's not clear - don't ever overdose on paracetamol, even if you do want to commit suicide. It's a horrifically painful and drawn out way to go.

Now I'm off to start the #MoralPanicChallenge. Anyone got any Clarky Cat?
Jx

P.S. By total coincidence the #CharlieCharlieChallenge is taking over Twitter at exactly the same time as the Paracetamol Challenge. Incredible. I wonder if it's a marketing gimmick for the Poltergeist remake?

Independent: 'Paracetamol Challenge': Police and teachers issue warning to parents over social media craze

Daily Record: Paracetamol Challenge: Devastated mum of tragic daughter who died from overdose pleads with teenagers to stop social media craze

ITV News: Children risking lives in dangerous 'paracetamol challenge' craze

PressReader: Paracetamol Challenge a deadly game

Chip.de: Dämlicher Netztrend: Lebensgefährliche "Parecetamol-Challenge"

Telegraaf.nl: Kinderen riskeren leven door 'Paracetamol Challenge'

The Scotsman: Pupils risking lives in ‘Paracetamol Challenge’

MFR: Dangerous Teen Craze Hits Scotland

Daily Mail: Mother whose teenage daughter died from overdose of over the counter pills warns teenagers and parents to stop dangerous new social media craze dubbed the Paracetamol Challenge

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwylBRucU7w

One More Flight.

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Mon, 11 May 2015 03:59:00 +0000

It's clear from the election I'm coming back to live in a Britain radically different from the one I left in 2008.

But that aside, I'm also nervous and excited for a whole bunch of reasons.

I'm writing this from Bangkok Suvarnabhumi airport. This is my last long haul flight I'll take for probably a long time, and I don't even have a good estimate when. Both of these things are very weird.

I've become used to airports. I like them now.

My joke from the last few weeks is that I'm glad job interviewers won't ask me about my visa status any more - except that, considering my accent, they probably will.

It's also strange when I think I've spent more of my life in both Bangkok (8 weeks) and Chiang Mai (5 weeks) than I have in most British cities.

I am woefully underprepared for moving to London. The original plan was to use my stable time in Chiang Mai to upskill and apply for jobs. Instead, I cut my trip short, took a manic trip to Macau and Hong Kong, and completely underestimated the unforgiving the heat of Thailand this time of year; all of these have all left me flapping around and simply desperate for normality.

I'm really, really looking forward to British weather.

I've discussed travelling vs backpacking with people a lot recently - if I was in any doubt, the last few weeks have confirmed for me how much I hate carrying my shit everywhere.

I left England with a guitar, laptop, suitcase and bag, and I am returning with these same 4 things. It's become part of the history and mythology of how I see myself and I my life. And being able to carry these things all at once, by myself, is an important symbol of my competence and independence.

But even just carrying my laptop and backpack through the sweaty streets of Macau for 2 days was enough to drive me mad.

Maybe one day I will go "backpacking" again. I hope to do more adventuring and exploring, even as a boring old fart in my 30s. But not now.

Now, I'm hoping to make London my home and Europe my neighbourhood.

I'm looking forward to studying again, and staying in the same place, and being productive. London is calling.

But right now, I'm looking forward to free drinks and movies on the plane.

See you soon.

Jx

GE2015: I Feel Like I've Been Punched In The Face, Again

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Fri, 08 May 2015 11:17:00 +0000

Well that was an election and I should clearly stop being surprised by anything any more.

Firstly the winners and losers, so far, with results still being announced:

Winners:

Conservatives - performed far beyond expectations, even scraping a majority
Scottish National Party (SNP) - also exceeded expectations, destroying major Labour MPs
UKIP - massive vote and strong turnout
Greens - again, huge vote

Losers:

Labour - awful performance not only against SNP but against Tories in England
Scottish Labour - worth repeating, Labour have been annihilated in Scotland by SNP
Liberal Democrats - annihilated across the UK, reduced from 57 to 8 (current results)

Plaid Cymru and Northern Irish parties are stable.

Early this morning, 12 hours ago, I wrote about how "The UK Voting System Is An Insult To Democracy". It was pretty angry, and predicted a hung parliament which would reveal how appalling our voting system is.

I was right about our voting system, but wrong about the hung parliament. Everyone was. A huge late swing to Tories in England left all those polls - which were stable, fixed, unmoving from January right up until the shock exit poll some hours ago - completely ridiculous and miles off.

I followed the New Zealand election in September last year and felt sick with the surprise result. After 2 terms of selling off national assets (privatisation), spying scandals, environmental scandals, you name it - everyone I knew predicted a Labour/Green victory. Instead the rightwing National Party government gained a momentous victory.

It was a shock, even watching from "over the ditch" (Tasman Sea) in Melbourne, like a physical impact. The lefties did not see it coming because we did not know how most of New Zealand felt.

8 months later and virtually the same thing has happened in the UK. Why did Labour do so badly? How did it happen? Why were the polls so wrong?

It is a chaotic result - we now have many parties making huge impacts, but complicated by our frankly Stone Age voting system First Past The Post (FPTP).

For example, many countries - New Zealand, Australia, some in Europe - all understand multi-party politics, but our system is geared specifically to favour 1) large parties, like Labour and Conservatives, and 2) geographically concentrated parties, like the SNP.

So we have:

SNP destroying everything in their path, marching on Westminister with pitchforks and flaming torches (and separately governing the Scottish Parliament too). Nearly all of Scotland is bright yellow.
UKIP enjoying a huge number of votes (maybe 1 million or more) in the East and North of England. There will be many people who are proud they voted UKIP, a xenophobic party full of homophobic and racist members. In towns and villages, racists and thugs will feel more confident with public bigotry.
Labour reduced to the cities of England, ready to play the games of "blame everyone" and "sacrifice the leader". It is not a healthy place to be.
Conservatives swamping the English countryside and towns, even creeping into typically Labour seats in cities. Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls being unseated by Tories is the icing on their cake.
The Greens taking over 1 million votes across the UK - still only 1 seat, Caroline Lucas in Brighton, but a much stronger position than ever before.
And of course Lib Dem graves being dug all over the country, particularly England and Scotland, major politicians and cabinet ministers being kicked aside by the relentless SNP.

You know what, I was going to write some personal analysis and interpretations, but I'm really tired - mentally - and I don't have the energy. Nothing I write here now about "voters decided at the last minute" and "emotional decisions, not rational ones" (no shit Sherlock!) will be helpful or practical in any way.

It's hard to tell which is worse, the shock surprise or the result itself.

I find it very hard to remember the last election in UK, NZ, Australia, which I felt really happy about.

I'm going to have a whiskey, mix some loud music, and go to bed early.

The UK Voting System Is An Insult To Democracy.

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Thu, 07 May 2015 21:16:00 +0000

I write this in the sweltering Bangkok heat, and I live in 2 worlds: the social media world, where the UK election is raging, and the world of Thailand, where the UK election doesn't exist.

It is 30 degrees C at 3am. This is normal in hot season.

Summary: Sign this petition to change the UK voting system and get ready to get angry.

The simple fact is this: the UK electoral system is barely "democracy", and we can't be proud of it while this historical relic is still destroying the will of the people.

I get back to the UK in 4 days - not to visit this time, but to live, after 7 years in NZ and Aus. I have so many draft blog posts to finish: the follow-up to living in Chiang Mai; the one about Macau and Hong Kong; the one about how I almost certainly got herpes last year and why we need to talk about herpes. You're going to enjoy that one.

But here and now while I sweat in my guesthouse and people vote and argue 6hrs behind in the UK, this is the post I have to write.

The media say "our system is broken", but our system was always broken.

"First Past The Post" (FPTP) works by local areas electing a representative MP to send to Parliament, apparently to represent them.

Well, apart from the bare fact that Parliament decides law for the whole country, and MPs can only influence their area by huffing "I'm the MP! I'm important!", here's the simple version of why this system is fucked:

40% votes is roughly the votes each MP wins in their constituency
60% MPs is considered a strong government which can pass laws without problem
So, 40% x 60% = 24% of votes cast elect the UK government.

To be legitimate this number should be 51% or more. To make laws for all the country, your government should represent a majority of the country. Real democracies understand this.

The media say, what is happening now shows our 2-party system (Labour vs Conservatives) has become fragmented. That it no longer works. FPTP is supposed to deliver strong governments, and 2 elections in a row is has failed.

But this is clearly a fucking lie. It has always been broken - we are only now, in a very visible way, seeing that brokenness.

The causes for revealing the failure are not even about the system itself. The media points to the rise of the Scottish National Party (SNP) in Scotland and United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) in England, plus a strong rise for the Green Party. They show this as evidence our democracy is now "multi-party".

But the real drop in support of the two main parties is due to their failures to be convincing this election:

The Conservatives have governed over massive rises in food banks, inequality, welfare cuts - while the rich have gotten richer through the global recession. They d
Labour have failed to shoot the fish in the barrel, to provide clear policies that will protect people. After 5 years of failing in opposition, they have only looked convincing in these 4 weeks campaigning.
Both parties campaigned in a pathetically negative manner during the Scottish independence referendum, and both parties have failed to account for the white English working class who feel left behind and left out. Both are responsible for the rise of SNP and UKIP.

The third "main" party, the Liberal Democrats, also face losing half their seats because no-one believes anything they say after breaking their promises and supporting a rampant poor-hating Conservative party.

So here we are. Finally our voting system is revealed as the farce that it always was.

The media talks about the "national vote", the % of all votes each party wins, as if this matters.

It is a red herring.

Not only does it not decide who is in government, it is also highly misleading.

If the polls say 33% of all votes are for Labour,
and 33% of all votes are for Conservatives,
how many of those votes get thrown in the bin, because they are in losing constituencies?

Yes pundits and geeks will look at the stats, "Oh the Greens did well this time", "Oh look at UKIP's strong support", whatever.

The hard truth is that every vote that is not for a winning MP gets thrown in the trash.

So if Labour and Tories each win 43% seats (280 seats) that means 43% x 33% = 14%.

So the probable effective national vote of each major party - these are the big, dominating parties of UK politics - in 2015 will be 14%.

14%.

So we are supposed to ignore the fact Labour and Conservatives gain 19% of the "national vote", over half of all the votes they receive, in constituencies they lost.

We are supposed to pretend that it all kind of balances out, really, in the end, doesn't it, right?

What a fuck up.

Even New Zealand, a small poor country full of sheep and volcanoes and excellent beer, has a better system than the UK. It's called "Mixed Member Proportional" (MMP):

Each person gets a party vote and a constituency vote
So the constituency area is still represented in Parliament...
...but each party in Parliament gets the same proportion of MPs as all the votes cast.

The superiority of the NZ Parliament over the UK Parliament is already clear. In an age where climate change is scientifically accepted, the New Zealand Green Party have 14 seats out of 120 (12%), while the UK Greens have 1 MP out of 650 (1.5%). The National Party's historic, monumental, landslide victory of 2014 saw them win 50% MPs and 47% of all votes.

So if you're an old buffer who believes proportional representation means removing constituency representation, go get fucked, because it doesn't.

While the UK bombs other countries for democracy, it is nice to finally see clearly our own system failing to deliver the representatives and the will of its own people.

Most hilarious of all, when our system "works" it swings like a pendulum: we go from strong Labour governments to strong Tory governments and back again - as if politics is either One World Outlook On All The Things or That Other World Outlook On All The Things.

The 2 big parties are supposed to sit opposite each other and shout at each other - that is how the House of Commons is designed! - instead of finding consensus and solutions which at least half the country would agree with.

The other parties sit at the end, like children sent to the children's table at Christmas dinner. You claim it's because there's no room but really it's because you're sick of the sight of them.

And let's not talk about the House Of Lords. We don't have to! They're not elected, so not actually part of democracy at all.

I don't have a problem with elected representatives. Constant referendums is a shoddy way to run democracy and it assumes too much of the public and the media.

I just wish our elected representatives actually represented the people who elected them.

I shouldn't have to feel fucking embarrassed when I explain to international people how my country's democracy does not work.

So. I'm sweating ALL OVER, and in 2 hours my alarm will go off - 6am Thailand time, midnight UK time. I will watch the results come in because politics is my football.

5 years ago I watched the 2010 UK election with international people in a sports bar in Wellington. I was despondent when it was clear we wouldn't get a result that day - or the next day, or even that week.

This incoming dog's dinner of results we will receive today will make 2010 look like a dance in a paddling pool.

People will be angry about why their votes aren't represented in MPs.

People will be angry that 2 parties who do not even have a majority of MPs OR votes, in a despicable system that favours them, will be shouting the word "LEGITIMACY" at each other in the press.

People will be angry that the top-hat wearing, poor-hating, student-hating, homeless-hating, jobless-hating, corporate tax-cut cretins we call "the Conservative Party" haven't been strung up by their austerity policies which every sane country has dumped in the bin.

With a little luck, and maybe Labour + Liberal Democrat + SNP courage, the media and the political establishment will focus on how to fix our constitutional shitbath before the next election delivers some kind of fascist military junta with a nuclear cat as Prime Minister and a shiny turd for Chancellor of the Exchequer.

I'm not betting on anything though.

Here is a petition to change our broken voting system. Nearly 100,000 people signed it before voting even finished. You should sign it too.

Why Do People Make Plans That Don't Make Sense?

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Fri, 10 Apr 2015 04:26:00 +0000

In my last 6+ years of living, moving and travelling, there's been a lot of plans: plans made, plans changed, plans succeeded and failed.

For me, this has largely revolved around visas. All of my visas for NZ and Australia have been 1 year - which makes planning beyond that time very difficult.

That said, it's suited me very well. I don't need to know what I'll be doing in 5 years' time - I still scoff at the idea of 5-year-plans, at people going on dinner dates saying "So where do you see yourself in five years' time?"

Juggling rabbits? Owning the moon? Peru? Fuuuuuuuuuuuck off.

But I do like to have a very good idea about where I'll be in 1 year, and a fairly good sketch for 2 years. Having a guide is useful, and staying flexible is too.

In amongst all this, people often ask me things like:

"So why are you doing that?"
"Why can't you do that?"
"That's a bit weird isn't it?"

I've even asked myself these things too!

What people often don't know or see is the bewildering variety of factors involved - with two big ones being visas and money.

People asked me why I couldn't "just stay in New Zealand", as if being part of the Commonwealth means that visas just become this magical thing only unicorns have to deal with.

Particular skill sets, or a lack of, then become a factor. Yes I have skills, just not the right ones according to New Zealand Immigration.

The availability of particular flights, and reasons for choosing particular airlines, often guides some particular decisions (while blocking others).

All of this shapes decisions and plans like carving a sculpture, from something very simple into something most people don't understand unless they were the person who had to carve it.

And then, random events can turn up and change everything: hurricanes, breakups, a death in the family. These are usually frustrating (not to mention very sad) but can also be opportunities. In 2003, when SARS was breaking out everywhere, I got to change my ticket and visit Japan - something the original booking didn't allow.

These factors, from the long-term to the immediate, often help or force us to work out who we are - at least in any given year.

Do you think you've changed in the last year, 5 years, 10 years? What were the factors that lead to this change?

So here I am, sitting in the observation deck at Bangkok's Don Mueang airport, waiting for my flight to Chiang Mai (on an Adventure Time-themed plane!!!).

I'll be there for much shorter than I planned, before flying to Macau / Hong Kong before my visa expires, because extending it costs almost as much as a flight, so I might as well see another 2 countries, and I'm flying into Macau because it was cheaper and a better time than Hong Kong, but flying out of Hong Kong to Bangkok because I don't want to take the ferry twice...... you get the idea.

So, the next time someone tells you their plans or life story which don't seem to make any kind of sense, feel free to genuinely (and politely) ask what factors were involved - or just smile and nod, acceptingly, knowing the universe is full of this weird stuff.

And yes, I'm very much looking forward to living in a country where my visa status isn't an issue. Even if my accent means people ask where I'm from.

Update: My plane was not Adventure Time-themed. I'm devastated.

Packing 6yrs of your life is like a greatest hits with 12 songs

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Wed, 01 Apr 2015 06:06:00 +0000

Well here we are.

I had so many Australia blog posts to write - the Mite Tasting (comparing 6 types of Marmite); that time the Invasion Day protest crashed the official Australia Day parade and it was totally awesome; why Aus & NZ buildings are made appallingly, because they still cling to a pioneer mindset; and so on.

But time has rushed away with me. It takes me so long to write blog posts I always put it off, and even then, I'm still not quite sure anyone really reads my blog...

But punctuation points in life require them. I started this blog in 2008 before I left on my big 1yr adventure to NZ, and here I am, nearly 7 years later, with a different accent and a different outlook about to begin to last leg back to England.

Talking of legs, if you think packing to live in another country is hard, packing to come back is like chopping off entire parts of yourself. No you can't take that. No you can't that take. No, that thing you were working on can't be part of life any more. No, that pile called "Absolutely Necessary" will have to be half that size.

I am worried people in my own country will keep correcting my English.

I am terrified there will be no one single neighbourhood in London, unlike Wellington or Fitzroy, where I can feel safe wearing a skirt.

But first, I have some time in Thailand, and maybe Laos too. Going to Thailand under the military rule - with democracy suspended - feels weirder than when I went to Laos, where they are communist and don't even pretend to be a democracy. Despite being a privileged foreigner, I will be more careful than ever what I say. But Thailand is depressingly used to coups by now, and I'm sure normal life continues for the most part.

I wanted to write blog posts about Melbourne, and Australia, and how I've barely visited Australia and just been staying in the progressive liberal cosmopolitan island that is Melbourne.

I wanted to write about how Australia DOES have a racism problem. Australia has mostly gotten over its petty European racism - hate and fear of Greeks, Italians, Irish and Catholics - and replaced it with ignoracism of boat people and refugees, and all the time, an utterly despicable treatment of Aboriginals. Australia is in the shadow of shame and is many, many decades from being free of it.

I wanted to write about how wonderful Melbourne is, but also how wanky it is, and how it takes a cynical Brit to see both of these together.

I wanted to write about my amazing housemate and Wellington friend Theresa, who has made my 15 months so so awesome.

I wanted to write about all the cool people I've met and the new friends I've made and the things I've learned in 15 months.

But here I am at the airport, like so many other blog posts, ready to travel without moving.

Unlike other blog posts, I'm about to mix a mocha and a pinot noir and finally create the dirty drink of my dreams: the mochapinot.

Cheers Australia, it's been good.

Mmmm, not bad.

Who's Unsustainable? Aboriginal "Lifestyle Choices" VS Agriculture Propped Up By Travellers And Cheap Labour

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Fri, 27 Mar 2015 11:06:00 +0000

I'm very sad to make this one of my last posts from Australia. But here is one of the few unique things I can add to a really, really shitty time for Indigenous Australians.

As if they don't have it hard enough already.

I came to Australia on a working holiday visa for 1 year. You can apply for a second year, and living in Melbourne has been great, so I considered it.

The condition is you have to do at least 3 months' of "specified work" in a "designated regional area" - including plant and animal cultivation, fishing and pearling, tree farming and felling, mining, and construction.

So basically, agriculture, or mining and construction, out in the country.

I have 2 friends whose stories sum up everything I have heard:

the work is unpaid or underpaid,
frequently dodgy and undocumented with no work agreements or contracts,
by farms and rural employers taking advantage of foreigners desperate to stay another year.

Friend #1 went 2hrs north, only just outside of Melbourne. She worked on a cattle farm, doing standard cattle farm work - often dirty and physical, at very early hours, 6 days a week.

They were paid nothing. There were others doing the same work. They were also paid nothing.

Friend #2 barely even found work. She went to New South Wales and did some basic tasks for an old lady far from anywhere, but this only lasted a few weeks. Hearing about a zucchini farm over the border in Queensland, she caught a ride with a fellow traveller - only to find that the farm was so full of backpackers, the waiting list for work was 2 weeks long.

The farm had an army of unskilled labourers, all desperate to do back-breaking work for little pay, like a scene from Depression-era California in The Grapes Of Wrath.

Travellers paid for their accommodation, whether they were working or just waiting for work.

You're starting to get the picture, but let me add 2 points:

457 visas: Australians are increasingly angry, rightly or wrongly, with rural employers abusing the 457 "skilled work" visa system to employ cheap labour from overseas - instead of employing Australian workers with decent wages and conditions
Brain drain, body drain: Younger Australians are increasingly leaving remote and rural communities for opportunities on the coast and in the cities

To me, the situation is clear. Australian agriculture and Australian remote communities are unsustainable.

Why does Immigration Australia need to bribe foreigners with a 2nd year in return for farm work? Why are Australians unwilling to do this work?

Because farms, and food suppliers, and supermarkets, and Australian consumers, are not willing to pay to the high wages it costs to do manual work in the middle of nowhere.

Then consider that it's more expensive to provide services - healthcare, schools, telecommunications, welfare, etc. - to remote villages and towns than the economic value they provide in return.

That's okay, that's how villages work. They're less efficient than cities, they're harder to access, but we subsidise them anyway, because we don't want to see services shut down and people have to leave their homes and communities.

Unless they're Aboriginals.

What's happening now is that the federal (national) government has announced it's withdrawing funding for services to remote Aboriginal communities in 2016.

Prime Minister Tony Abbott, who actually made himself Minister for Women when he hates women, similarly made himself Minister for Aboriginal Affairs before saying things like "there was nothing but bush" when white settlers arrived in 1788.

Abbott justified the funding cuts because it was unfair to prop up people's "lifestyle choices" if they wanted to live in remote communities.

Now the state of Western Australia has identified 150 Aboriginal communities it wants to close.

Let's get this straight. Indigenous Australians occupied a whole continent in hundreds of cultures with thousands of languages before white people turned up. Then from 1788 they got 200 years of colonialism, warfare, disease, rape, stolen generations, having languages suppressed, being wiped out in Tasmania, and most crucially having their land taken away from them.

This is not a case of "What did the Romans ever do for us?". This is not even on the same level as colonisation of the Maori in neighbouring New Zealand, where they have the Treaty of Waitangi.

Indigenous Australians suffered a sustained juggernaut of disease, war, and cultural suppression, which is why they are just 3% of today's Australian population and far more likely to die in prison, suffer mental health problems, drug and alcohol problems, have a lower life expectancy, etc. etc. etc.... It's a long list.

In modern Australia, the horrors of colonisation have been replaced with bureaucracy and numbers - these are easier to hide and ignore, especially with the highly conservative Australian media. So instead of sending in police and bulldozers to actively remove Aboriginals from their land, today's approach is simply withdrawing the funding necessary to sustain their communities.

Let's be clear. It is white colonialists who, by aggressively stealing land, forced Indigenous Australians to live in fixed isolated communities - battered, poor and disempowered - and forced them into a situation where federal funding support is necessary.

Now the Prime Minister calls it an unsustainable "lifestyle choice" which shouldn't be propped up by the taxpayer.

That's a crock of shit.

Protestors use the word "genocide". It's a highly emotive word and many people will call it overdramatic. But the problem is actually a limited understanding of what "genocide" means.

We understand today that "rape" takes many more forms than just the cliché of a stranger waiting in the bushes. So too, "genocide" is not simply massacre through bloody warfare - it's the consistent persecution and strangulation of an entire set of peoples.

I'm not a spiritual person. I don't think land is literally sacred. When people talk about Indigenous Australians' "connection to the land", I don't think it's mystical or magical. It is, however, cultural and economic.

This is about persecution and discrimination.

I don't think federal or state governments are actively racist, that they deliberately want to see the death of Aboriginal culture. The racist decisions made by governments are simply the result of a wealthy, ignorant and white political establishment, in the interests of mining profits and tax revenues, against populations without a voice.

Aboriginals are neither rich enough, nor numerous enough, to listen to. They certainly don't change elections.

Most of this is already being said in Australia: the appalling treatment of Indigenous Australians (and attitudes towards them) is well-known by most progressive Aussies.

The purpose of this blog post is to highlight the rank hypocrisy of punishing Indigenous communities as "unsustainable" when Australian agriculture would collapse without being propped up by cheap foreign labour.

It's also to explain the situation to my family and friends outside Australia who may know nothing about the situation here, or heard that Kevin Rudd "said sorry" so it's probably all kind of okay now.

Australia remains with a tiny brutalised indigenous population, an uncaring and ignorant majority, and a gaping hole where a treaty should be.

Take action

This is the tip of the iceberg - there are many other threats and issues facing Indigenous Australians, such as the Northern Territory intervention (military policing of Aboriginal communities in NT), and recent attempts by the Federal Government to remove Aboriginal legal aid. Even Australia's national holiday has no place for Aborigines.

However, this push to remove Aborigines from their communities is an imminent situation which has spurred huge numbers of people across Australia into action.

Whether you are in Australia or another country entirely, you can support Indigenous Australians and oppose these actions via the website SOSBlakAustralia.com and follow the Facebook page "Stop The Forced Closure Of Aboriginal Communities in Australia".

There is a mass nationwide (international?) day of protest on Friday 1st May.

Hashtags on social media include:
#SOSBlakAustralia
#NoConsent
#LifestyleChoice

The Aboriginal Flag - learn more on Wikipedia

Horned Warrior Friends web comic: The Story So Far!

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 04:27:00 +0000

Meet my little buddies Unicorn, Triceratops, Rhino and Narwhal. Together they make up the Horned Warrior Friends!

The Horned Warrior Friends

These guys have evolved from a simple joke on a T-shirt - Unicorns Vomit Rainbows, Rhinos Vomit Greyscale - into a fun and cheeky webcomic with fabulous characters, bright colours and deadpan humour.

They already have a Facebook page (look for Horned Warrior Friends) and I'm hoping to set up a new blog dedicated to their adventures and silly jokes.

But for now here's the story so far, by which I mean, all the comics so far.

Where it all started!

Remember you can get all of them on a print, T-shirt, mug etc. at my Redbubble page!
http://www.redbubble.com/people/jezkemp/collections/222724-horned-warrior-friends

If you like them, share it around!

Mythical Creatures Chart explained

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Sun, 01 Feb 2015 08:16:00 +0000

In mid 2012, I spent a week of late nights making an epic diagram of mythical creatures. Now suddenly, over the last 2 months, it's clocked up over 150,000 shares on Tumblr (thanks @Soopertreeman!).

So this is a blog post including the background and context I originally wrote up on the Redbubble product page (where you can buy it).

From assuming it would be an easy design taking 2 or 3 hours, it very quickly sucked me in as a huge project.

The more I looked up interesting mythical creatures I'd never heard of, like Uchchaihsharavas and Tikbalang and Makara, the more I was fixated on expanding and laying out this complicated diagram, ending up with 57 mythical creatures and legends made up from 17 real world animals.

Click to expand or check out products on Redbubble

And then I spent an entire week converting it into a underground subway map! You can see that below and buy it on Redbubble here.

ORIGIN

I had an idea for a Venn/Euler diagram of mythical creatures, and someone showed me Unwin and Carline’s chart from 2009. This is a very classy diagram but there are some inaccuracies (e.g. Mermaid is human + fish, not narwhal) and I knew I could make a far more comprehensive chart.

RESEARCH

Uchchaihshravas, flying 7-headed horse
in Hindu mythology. Image from Wikipedia

My research was conducted via Wikipedia and Google Images, along with my own knowledge and memories of playing Warhammer Fantasy Battle as a kid. I make no apology for this.

COMPROMISE

This was a difficult chart to create! I know that many people will either have a problem with the way I’ve laid it out, or a suggestion/complaint about something that hasn’t been included.

It's certainly not perfect, but this was the best I could do, and I’m happy with it.

ACTUAL MYTHICAL CREATURES

Unwin & Carline's 2009 diagram -
classy but minimal

All creatures and characters listed in the chart have a heritage in historical mythology.

One of my problems with Unwin and Carline’s chart from 2009 is the “Mermahuataur”, which they just made up for a joke, which is fair enough. That is not happening here though.

Recent inventions like the Pegacorn are not included (much as I love the Pegacorn).

Cryptids like the Loveland Frog and Yeti are not welcome here. Or Manbearpig! Sorry not sorry.

NO DUPLICATES

Centaur, Ipotane, Tikbalang and Buraq are all different combinations of horse + human. Pegasus, Hippogriff and Hippalectryon are all different versions of horse + bird.

Russian folklore features both the Sirin and the Gamayun, but they are identical in form, so only the Sirin was included.

DRAGON = LIZARD + BAT

Sleipnir, 8-legged horse in Norse mythology.
Image from Wikipedia

As a fan of dinosaurs, it would have been easy for me to include Dragon as lizard + bird. But dragon wings are strictly lizard-like, scaly and/or leathery wings, not feathered (unlike the Cockatrice). So they had to go down as lizard + bat.

THAT DAMN NARWHAL

I felt strange including the Narwhal like Unwin and Carline, because it seems like a mythical combination of animals in its own right. But it’s a real, single creature!

For Unicorn, I could have used rhino instead, but the nature and shape of the narhwal’s tusk is far closer to the unicorn’s horn.

CREATURES, THEN INDIVIDUALS

Gorgon is included instead of Medusa, but there is no clear name for a horse with wings, so Pegasus is included by name.

The same goes for humans or legends who are individuals and do not come from any species.

MYTHOLOGY NOT RELIGION

Longma, the Chinese "dragon horse".
Image from Wikipedia

This is a very hazy area, and one person’s religion is another person’s mythology. But I tried to stick to mythical creatures, rather than religious “gods”, and not including things like angels. Ammit, for instance, seems more of a mythical creature than the Egyptian gods like Anubis. Ultimately though I just used my own judgement.

FLYING OR NOT FLYING

Some creatures are sometimes known as having wings, but are not listed as part-bird, e.g. Chimaera. This is because some creatures are definitely, exclusively winged (e.g. the Lamassu) while some like the Chimaera and Manticore are not always winged.

LIZARD vs SNAKE vs SERPENT vs FISH

Some legends are not clear about whether something is part lizard or snake (Ladon, Hydra), or part snake or fish (Ophiotaurus). I’ve done my best.

MY FAVOURITES

Uchchaihshravas – 7-headed flying horse from Hindu mythology
Hippalectryon – back end of a rooster, front end of a horse. Great name!
Zahhak – Persian legend with snakes rising from his shoulders
Hecatonchires – the “hundred-handed” (and fifty-headed) destroyers of the Titans from Greek mythology
Chimaera – lion’s body and head, goat head, lizard head and snake for a tail. Can’t beat it for totally bad-ass monster.

THE COMPLETE LIST:

Ammit
Argos Panoptes
Bai Ze
Balaur
Basilisk
Buraq
Camahueto
Centaur
Cerberus
Chamrosh
Chimaera (chimera)
Cockatrice
Cyclops
Dragon
Dryad
Echidna
Gandaberunda
Geryon
Gorgon
Griffon (Griffin, Gryphon)
Harpy
Hecate
Hecatonchires (Hekatonkheires)
Hippalectryon
Hippocamp (Hippocampus)
Hippogriff
Hydra
Ichthyocentaur
Ipotane
Kaliya
Ladon
Lamassu
Longma
Makara
Manticore
Mermaid
Minotaur
Monopod
Myrmecoleon
Nuckelavee
Ophiotaurus
Orthrus
Pabilsag
Pegasus
Satyr
Sirin
Sleipnir
Sphinx
Sun Crow (Three-Legged Crow)
Tikbalang
Typhon
Uchchaihshravas
Unicorn
Vampire
Werewolf
Wyvern
Zahhak

My To-Do List For 2015

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Wed, 31 Dec 2014 11:09:00 +0000

It's a good thing I never compare my achievements of the year with last year's to-do list. I always bite off more than I can chew and it would make accomplishments look like failure.

The surprisingly straightforward 3rd album

I do waste a lot of time, and I constantly feel like I should be achieving more. But maybe we all feel like that?

Anyway, since diarykeeping + blogs = oversharing, here's what I did this year:

Moved to a new country and learnt a new city
Made heaps of new designs and expanded my web presence
Wrote, recorded and released a new album (plus artwork)
Developed Photoshop skills including automation and batch processing
Got into my stride with kink
Moved house 3 times and found 2 good jobs

The Bourbon Espresso!
It's literally a shot of bourbon and a shot of espresso.
Done.

Obviously I did heaps more than this, but "drinking lots of mochas" and "inventing the bourbon espresso" don't quite meet the threshold for major achievements.

2015's to-do list, however, does include lots of details. This is both good and bad.

Here for example are some of the "small but necessary" things:

Finally finish and re-release NO UP (really, it's been 5 years since it came out)
Finally complete archiving my old band F451 (seriously, we broke up 7 years ago)
"Do more gigs" (important but vague)
Read 5 good books (a tiny number, but still more than I read this year)

And so on. These things are shitty, precisely because they are so achievable - doing them is barely an accomplishment, but NOT doing them brings shame and fury from the self-police.

So really, this is the important list, the big stuff. I want to:

Move back to England, from Australia, via Thailand
Get a job in London
Move to London
Make a charity T-shirt design every month
Save more
Start a part-time masters
Learn Illustrator
Learn basic programming
Make a basic app
Start a business

Easy, right? Can't be too hard.

Anyway New Zealand has literally, this minute, celebrated 2015. Happy new year New Zealand!

And happy new year to all of you. Thanks for being awesome, please make the world a better place in 2015.

Jezo Kempo x

"Light Lag" - Seasonal Jet Lag From Flying North/South

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Mon, 15 Dec 2014 14:00:00 +0000

I am a medical science pioneer, because I think I've found a black hole in medical knowledge: jet lag from flying north or south.

This week I flew my 10th mega-haul flight, i.e. 24+hrs and 2+ plane trips.

This one was 25hrs from Melbourne to London. 25hrs is about the shortest flight you can do between the UK and Aus/NZ, and this felt like one of the easiest.

So why do I still feel terrible 5 whole days later?

Because I've gone directly from warm long bright days to freezing short dark days.

Hello SEASONS

Everyone says "West is best" for jet lag. This is science, because the body (apparently) adjusts to longer days more easily than shorter ones.

I've always been confused by this, because I've found it easier flying East to New Zealand than flying West to UK.

Sure, NZ is not technically "East" - it's on the opposite side of the world, +12hrs from UK.*

But if it's the same time change going each way, why have I always felt great getting in to New Zealand, but awful adjusting back in the UK?

6 of these mega-haul flights were in UK autumn and NZ spring - between September and November.

Each time flying NZ to the UK, the daylight and temperatures were about the same. Cue standard jet lag for 3-4 days, including tight muscles, feeling generally rubbish and low energy.
Each time flying UK to NZ, the daylight was much increased - leaving darker, colder days for longer, warmer days. And I felt great - slightly upset sleep patterns for 2-3 days, but energised and upbeat during the daytime.

The other 2 flights were in July/August, which is NZ winter and UK summer. I definitely felt the effects going both ways, but I don't remember much difference between them.

Are there any studies? Does anyone care?

Okay, this is all anecdotal, and as a rationalist I often remind people that anecdotal evidence is not evidence.

But a quick look around the internet suggests no-one seems to be taking this idea seriously - that seasons affect jet lag.

Wikipedia hilariously says...

"North–south flights that do not cross time zones do not cause jet lag"

...while also saying...

"Light is the strongest stimulus for re-aligning a person's sleep-wake schedule"

Which is funny, right? Because when it says...

"A ten-hour flight from Europe to southern Africa does not cause jet lag, as travel is primarily north–south"

...you'd think light could be a major factor if you're flying in June, from the longest days of the year in Europe, to the darkest days of the year in southern Africa.

The same goes for Sydney and Tokyo, Santiago and New York, and so on.

Do we need another name like "Light Lag"?

If you're in the same time zone, midnight is still midnight and noon is still noon.

And if you're flying 2 hours north/south, near the equator, even at midsummer or midwinter the difference won't be very strong. You might not even notice it.

But if your departure and destination are both quite far north and south on the planet, the time that the sun rises is going to be pretty different, especially in June or December. And your body will notice it.

If you fly Cape Town to Helsinki in December, your time zone is the same, but the sun rises 4 whole hours later.
So in terms of light, how is this different from flying 4 time zones West?
Added to that, the day isn't just shifted forward a few hours - it ends 5 hours earlier too. So your body has 2 different things to work out (as well dealing with a massive drop in temperature!).

With jet lag, your body only has to move its cycle by a few hours. If you're staying on the same longitude, the day pattern is the same, and your body can adjust easily.

In contrast, rapid seasonal change means your body has to change its entire response cycle, because times between light-dark and dark-light are both completely different.

To me, it seems clear that "jet lag" should either include this seasonal effect of north/south flying - which current discussion clearly ignores - or we need another term like "light lag" to account for it.

So if there isn't already a term, I'm claiming one. I officially declare I have coined a new phrase "light lag". Consider this as me sticking a little linguistic flag in it. (Or RSC "Rapid Seasonal Change". That sounds a bit more legit.)

Boom, I just medical-scienced all over this blog.

Emotions and warmth

In fairness, your emotional state can also affect your body's health and performance.

So, flying to New Zealand always gives me feelings of a) excitement, from the idea of starting a new adventure, and now also b) happiness, from the sense of "coming home" to a country I have very happy memories of.

Then again, I always feel happy coming back "home" to England too, to see my UK family and friends.

More definite is that landing in a warm climate or season (e.g. Thailand or NZ spring/summer) helps your body get around and do things. Right now, my body is tight and tense, and I think that's directly related to going from warm Australian spring to the 0-5 degrees of UK December.

This is my first UK December since 2007 and I am cold!

No-one cares about the Southern Hemisphere...

Just finally, one of my personal bugbears from living 6yrs down under is how northern-hemisphere-oriented the world is.

I think Kiwis and Aussies are used to it. They grow up with a British colonial cultural heritage, they get up in the night to watch sports matches. They're perfectly used to the news talking about things happening in a different hemisphere.

Me on the other hand, I'm a demanding European. Everything usually happens in my hemisphere!

So when it's solstice in June, the whole internet is talking about "summer solstice" - completely forgetting it's winter for literally half of the planet.

And there's the mental block Americans and Europeans have about millions of people celebrating Christmas in summer. Everyone in Europe and the USA knows this, but they find it very hard to focus on, like something that's always in the corner of your eye.

Unless the novelty of beaches and barbecues is specifically the topic of conversation, Christmas is always in winter - that's just how it is.
Likewise, unless the southern hemisphere is specifically the topic, the default hemisphere is the northern hemisphere.

To be fair, the southern hemisphere only has 12% of the world's population. That's Australasia, Oceania, South America and southern Africa. The northern hemisphere has most of the land and most of the human race: northern Africa, Europe, almost all of Asia, and North and Central America.

So maybe it's no wonder that there's very little attention to north-south flights across significant changes of latitude.

But hey, don't forget us down past the equator.

* It's usually +11hrs (UK summer) or +13hrs (NZ summer) because of daylight savings in both countries.

I Lied To My Friends And Family All Year (And It Was Totally Worth It)

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Sat, 13 Dec 2014 10:07:00 +0000

Greetings from ~~warm tropical Thailand~~ ENGLAND.

London Liverpool Street after my MEL-LHR flight.
25hrs = easy peasy

I'm a bad liar, which made this entire operation all the more impressive.

After 6 years living in NZ and Australia, I thought it was time for a surprise visit back to the UK for Christmas.

This was my last chance too. And it went perfectly.

My mum's reaction - expecting someone else at the door - was just to stare for about 3 seconds while her brain worked out what was going on. My brother managed it in about 1 second, before blurting out "Holy FUCK".

It wasn't quite like you see in the movies, but it was pretty bloody good.

All year I told absolutely everyone I was going to Thailand to travel over Christmas and new year, except for 5 people. 5! There were:

2 workmates when I booked my flights, who I'd probably never see after finishing the contract that week,
my 2 friends in Thailand who would actually be bummed out by me not turning up in Thailand (sorry guys!), and
a close UK friend who could buy me a ticket - MUCH SECRET VERY CONSPIRACY - to the Manic Street Preachers "Holy Bible" gig on the same day as my friends.

Telling the colleagues was careless. Telling my Thai friends was difficult but necessary. Telling my good friend was a unexpected necessity - but I really really didn't want to!

I lied to everyone. My family. Close friends in the UK. Close friends in Australia and New Zealand. My housemates. Colleagues. People I barely knew.

The lie became so deep I started believing it myself - that I had actually bought a ticket to Thailand, and just secretly changed it or something. I never bought a ticket to Thailand.

Things started getting fairly weird last week:

I had a 30 minute conversation with a colleague about where I should go in Cambodia. She later sent me a whole email with helpful links she'd found. (I'm so sorry.)
I had to invent an itinerary for my mum about roughly where I'd be over the 6 weeks, looking up different flight codes and bus routes. (She sent my Christmas present to Thailand about 3 hours before I knocked on the door.)

Why such massive secrecy? Couldn't I have told anyone?

Firstly, I'm a bad liar. My face gives everything away. To convince people about this weird idea - that I was leaving Australia to spend Christmas and new year in Thailand without any friends or family - I knew had to believe it myself. (I passed it off as "well, it's a weird plan, but I'm weird, so it kinda makes sense!" - and people believed this, because it did kind of make sense. And actually, I stand by the idea that travelling over Christmas is totally okay.)

Secondly, the world is a small place, and social media makes it smaller. You don't know if telling a stranger at a party in May means your secret gets to your Facebook friends in October. Absolute lockdown required.

And finally, it's about basic psychology. Telling 1 person a big secret doesn't just mean 1 extra person knows. It means you're both thinking about it. If you see them again, you're going to talk about it again, and the risk multiplies. And if you're thinking about it, it makes it 1000% more likely you'll tell someone else. This is why I even lied day after day to my housemate and good friend @desdrata. Sorry T!

Of course, looking back, maybe my intentions look "obvious". And I've already had 3 predictable people claiming they knew all along I was coming back for Christmas, despite not saying anything all year ;)

I didn't lie about anything else. I'm still headed back to Melbourne for the summer (January-March), and I'm still off to Chiang Mai for a couple of months before finally moving back to the UK.

You can totally trust me on these things. No really. Really!

So here I am, back for my first UK Christmas since 2007. It's pretty bloody chilly and I'm not quite sure my Aus winter clothes are up to the challenge.

I've already been to London and felt the mad, crowded busyness which simply doesn't exist in Melbourne.

I've had British ale pumped by hand, and been out with my mates.

It's good to be back.

And you know what? I'm not that sorry. I still have a big grin that I pulled it all off.

Melbourne As A Woman Was Everything I Expected

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Thu, 04 Dec 2014 11:43:00 +0000

A year ago I wrote about all the cities and countries I'd seen in 2013 as if they were lovers. All but London were women - I'm straight, but like I described, London for me is definitely a guy.

And at the end of such a weird but perfectly-executed year, waiting patiently for me with her hair done and a bright smile, was Melbourne.

She is sunny, warm and delightful; maybe 32, looking 28.

She is tall, slim, and always impeccably dressed - often in that black wide-brimmed hat popularised several years ago.

She is cultured and intellectual, with an extensive knowledge of all kinds of music, from classical composers you never heard of to underground Situationist dance troupes you also have never heard of.

She loves Europe - maybe a little too much.

She is witty and well-spoken and every so often sarcastic with a smile.

She loves cocktails and gin and craft beer, although being honest, her taste in craft beer has some way to go yet.

And for historical reasons, she has a lot more money than Wellington.

I fly off to Thailand next week, and while it's not the end of our fling yet, I felt like marking a whole year in Melbourne - and another whole year in the Southern Hemisphere (it's a real place, summer starts in December, Christmas is in summer, that's totally okay, etc. etc.).

There'll be more of some kind of wanky retrospective in late March - autumn - when I really am leaving Melbourne, and finally heading back to the UK.

But for now, I say thank you kind lady, and I'm looking forward to another summer together.x

"Cunt", Australia's favourite word

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Mon, 01 Dec 2014 15:12:00 +0000

As your correspondent in Australia, I want to explain its culture and language, and both of these include the word "cunt".

I should warn you - you've read the word "cunt" three times now, and if you're feeling upset or offended you shouldn't carry on reading. Because I'm going to write the word "cunt" a lot of times, and I'm not going to censor any of them. Let's begin!

New Zealand has good cunts...

At a house party in Wellington, 2 months after moving to NZ, a huge guy slapped me on the shoulder and drunkenly called me a "good cunt".

I immediately thought I was in a fight.

Thankfully it turns out "good cunt" in New Zealand is a compliment. A brash, crude, bogan compliment, but still a compliment. Most Kiwis wouldn't use the phrase at all, but everyone's heard it and everyone knows it.

To clarify, calling a stranger "cunt" in New Zealand is still massively offensive - and like in the UK, it's often used between young friends as a jokey insult.

But "good cunt" (or "GC") loosely means a person is reliable, dependable, has a good character, a nice guy, or just simply someone worth knowing.

...Australia just has cunts. Lots of them

Now let's look at Australia, where there's plenty of "cunt"s to go round.

Here's 2 amusing videos, made by Australians about Australia:

Australia in 2 minutes by Neel Kolhatkar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grh0tlJtViw

This video manages to offend just about everyone, and Kolhatkar deliberately crosses the line to make racist generalisations
However, the video crams in a lot of crude stereotypes in a short time, and they all tell a lot about Australian culture, humour and society
The magical line "Give us ya fucking money, cunt" is sometimes used with props (a banana for tropical Queensland, digging up money for mine-riddled Western Australia) - but more effectively, the video just repeats the exact same clip with a different place name each time.

Kolhatkar is not just jokily suggesting most of Australia is thuggish, trashy and wants your money - he's showing how often you might hear the word "cunt" here in the Lucky Cuuuuuuuunt-ry. Which brings us to:

Australia Day - with Ken Oathcarn [RAP NEWS 11] by Juice Media

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRhBRg-XkWY

Juice Media's 11th episode of the wonderful "Rap News" very articulately covers the unethical history of Australia's national holiday: Australia Day AKA Invasion Day, which I wrote about here
By using stereotypical bogan character Ken Oathcarn, the video enthusiastically throws around "cunt" to ridicule the crude, racist and bigoted parts of Australian society
It even opens with a banner saying "Warning - contains Australian language"
The video re-works the Team America song "America, Fuck Yeah" as the even more crass "Australia Day, Yeah Cunt!" (full version here) for hilarious and cynical effect:

Australia Day, yeah cunt!
Coming again to celebrate invasion
Australia Day, yeah cunt!
Denial is the only way, cunt
Refugees, you're fucking screwed, if you try to come into
Australia! Yeah cunt! Cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt "Australia Day, Yeah Cunt" by Juice Media/Ken Oathcarn

The word "cunt" is not news in Australia

But how about a third example: Eddie McGuire, owner of Collingwood AFL team and sports/comedy TV presenter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0hhn0TefRo
In April this year, McGuire called AFL player Kane Cornes "cunt" live on TV at 7:30pm. It was a slip, an accident - not that he didn't mean to say it, because it was clearly an affectionate joke - but just that he didn't mean to say it at 7:30pm on national TV.

"Good on you mate, congratulations, go and have a rub, sing your song, enjoy yourself, all those things mate, you might have to have two rubs being an old cunt" Eddie McGuire

You can say it's remarkable that dropping a C-bomb in friendly conversation felt so natural to McGuire, a veteran broadcaster, that he did it on live TV. (And hell, I'm definitely a fan of the unscripted, relaxed nature of Aus/NZ TV interviews and news coverage, which make their UK equivalents seem sanitised, reptilian and pathetic.)

But what's truly telling about Australian society is that it was news for about half a day, then it stopped being news, because the word "cunt" is simply not news in Australia.

I'm trying and failing to imagine a British equivalent - Alex Ferguson maybe, as one of Britain's best-known football managers, or Chris Tarrant, host of UK's Who Wants To Be A Millionaire (McGuire hosts the Aus version) - jokingly calling someone a cunt at 7:30pm on live TV without it being a national outrage.

And as you can see, Cornes clearly didn't take offence:

I know I don't play for Collingwood Eddie but old c@*t is a bit harsh! Got a good laugh out of that
— Kane Cornes (@kanecornes) April 27, 2014

(Kane plays for Port Adelaide, in case you wondered)

Everyone's working class here in Straya

The fact is for young Australians, and male Australians of all ages, "cunt" is simply not the shockingly unsayable swearword that it is in other countries: prudish US, uptight Britain, even hardy New Zealand.

People of all these countries will use it as a genuine trashy insult - the kind of thing you'll hear from angry young men on a Saturday night, where a drunken fight might break out.

But for young Australians, this is a word casually used among friends on a regular basis. And it's used a lot.

It's very much connected with the working class outlook that soaks all Australia's social levels: to call an enemy a cunt is still an insult, but to jokily call your friends this horrible word shows how comfortable you are with each other.

It's also generally a masculine trait - showing how tough you are by using the worst possible word in the English language. But young female Australians use it too, and certainly more than British or Kiwi girls and women, which again reveals something about Australia's culture and (white, colonial) history: brash, tough, no-nonsense.

Some people might doubt "cunt" really is said more in Australia than in the UK or NZ. To be fair, young Brits do love the C word, and say it in a particularly British way. And it's probably hard for some prudish outsiders to tell the difference between NZ (frequent) and Aus (constant) on the cunt scale.

But just hear the regular stories of Aussies landing in London, having a great time with their new friends and workmates at the pub, and then casually calling someone "cunt" - to horrified reactions.

Even in Britain, a C-bomb dropped at the wrong time creates an explosion of silence.

Want more proof? Here's the search results in Youtube for "Australia" and "cunt". Go for gold mate, there's plenty to watch.

Swearwords: Treasure them

I'm a fan of swearing. It's often healthy to swear, and it's unhealthy to deny it happens.

But even I've been surprised by the amount I've heard the C word this year in Australia.

"Cunt" is a beautiful word.

I don't necessarily mean in the noble way feminists are trying to reclaim it - although after all, like many swearwords, its origins are fascinating and hardly dirty or taboo. And I've deliberately avoided discussing the meanings, origins and potential sexism of the word "cunt", because that is a whoooole other massive topic.

I think it's beautiful in its simplicity.

It is small but devastatingly effective. It is crude and yet perfectly formed.

But we are all in danger of overusing it. Aussies are just ahead of the English-speaking world in this cultural trend. The more you hear "cunt", the more ordinary it becomes. And I think both the prudish and the crudish would agree we don't want that to happen. Not too rapidly anyway.

The value of swearwords is in using them rarely, with respect.

And on that note, thanks for reading cunts.

All 13 Beautiful Artworks For New Album SCANDALOUS HEART

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Sun, 23 Nov 2014 03:10:00 +0000

My new album "Scandalous Heart" not only has big big tunes and catchy riffs, it's got fabulous artwork for all 12 individual tracks.

Scandalous Heart by Jez Kemp

The free album download includes beautiful high quality images:
http://jezkemp.bandcamp.com/album/scandalous-heart

Each design has a symbol based around the song or the album, with some amazing photos of space and from my 4 years in New Zealand.

I'll write another blog post explaining them all in detail, but for now, enjoy!

New album SCANDALOUS HEART out now

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Sun, 16 Nov 2014 14:07:00 +0000

<a href="http://jezkemp.bandcamp.com/album/scandalous-heart">Scandalous Heart by Jez Kemp</a>

I'm very pleased to say my new album SCANDALOUS HEART is out now, free or pay what you like from Bandcamp or the player on the right:
https://jezkemp.bandcamp.com/
album/scandalous-heart

It's a colourful and worthy follow up to 2012's AIRFIX DEMOCRACIES, with riffs, hooks and catchy tunes about equality, space, science, and FUN. In fact while there are several themes running through the album, including stars, science and self-determination, FUN is the biggest theme of all.

I'll be blogging about the album, including the revised tracklisting, awesome artwork, and the themes of each song, and how this is the 3rd out of 4 albums that I have to make.

But for now, share and download and play it loud! Hope you enjoy! :)

J-dog x

https://jezkemp.bandcamp.com/album/
scandalous-heart

Julien Blanc is just a businessman in the profitable world of rape culture.

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 15:12:00 +0000

This isn't just your daughter, your sister, your mother.
This is a human being assaulted. It could be you.
Photo: Twitter via SBS

I'm going to try and say what no-one else is saying, since the media is already turning Julien Blanc into the world's most hated misogynist - until the next one turns up!

My points:

Julien Blanc is a businessman making money from young male insecurity
There is an army of young, clueless, potentially-misogynist men out there - just waiting for toxic parasites like Julian Blanc to provide them with an "answer"
It is uproars like this and the conversations we have which change the culture and reduce the violence and harm caused by men towards women.

Misogyny is a business

Julien Blanc is a businessman and we shouldn't forget that. He found a popular vein and turned it into a profitable business "Real Social Dynamics".

He didn't invent misogyny - he found an existing market to exploit for cash.

Yes, he is a misogynist and it's right that everyone is destroying him in the media right now.

But if it wasn't him, someone else would be hosting those seminars, because our world provides all the ingredients for it.

Youth matters

When I first read about Julien Blanc and saw one of his disgusting video presentations, it reminded me of Tom Cruise in Magnolia - a "narcissistic misogynist who is peddling a pick-up artist self-help course to men". Wikipedia describes, with disturbing accuracy, exactly what I wanted to say.

The difference is Tom Cruise's character was in his 30s. Julien Blanc is apparently just 25.

Age is relevant. Anyone my age (31) or over can see straight through his fast-talking misogynistic bullshit to what he is: an insecure fuckup who has clearly never had a healthy relationship with, or attitude towards, women.

So who are his audience? Who are these misogynists-in-waiting, paying good money to get tricks and tips on how how to treat women like sub-human pieces of shit?

They're male, and they're lonely, and/or lacking social skills, and/or already douchebags.

But they're clearly under 25, because no-one over that age would take him or his attitude seriously as a "guru".

The majority of misogynists aren't misogynists every day

I think it's pretty straightforward. Most people (most) who do bad things aren't bad people, deep down - they do it because they are in a culture of, and surrounded by, people who make bad things seem 1) not wrong and 2) normal.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't hold them responsible, or punish people for doing bad things.

But if you only punish individuals for crimes, you fail to see factors that cause them in the first place.

As a young man I learnt more about periods in Biology class than I did from anyone or anywhere else. We - the boys - were told nothing about them in Personal/Sex Education.

This made it easier as ignorant young males to rip into all women for anything that could be blamed on "moody bitch is having her period LOLZ".

The same goes for the female experience overall. Young men generally know nothing about what it's like to be a woman. And it's always been like this, because the system that makes it that way finds it very suitable to keep it that way.

It's not a conscious system - but it's still a system. It's not a conspiracy, but there's plenty of dickheads oiling the wheels.

So that's why a large chunk of young men find it easy, or favourable, or even beneficial to treat women like trash - because they have no idea what it's like to be afraid of rape, of physical violence, of misogyny and catcalls and discrimination, on a regular basis.

"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them." Margaret Atwood

At any one time there is a large mass of young males out in the population doing whatever they think will get them laid.

They are isolated by the same misogynist culture that causes violence to women. It is part of the same system.

It's easy to dismiss mass murdering fuckhead Elliot Rodgers as a "lone weirdo" - but the fact is his lunatic fuckery and sense of entitlement are on exactly the same spectrum as that homophobic prick Dapper Laughs, who has his own show on UK TV about - yes you guessed it! - how to fuck women.

Are you seeing it yet?

In any population of young men, there are some who are good people, and some who are definitely dickheads, and there is a broad mass in the middle who are awkward, frustrated, ashamed of failure, emotionally isolated, and fundamentally uninformed about what it's like being a woman.

They are not automatically misogynists but they are frequently reaching out for anything to escape the horror of failure that society dumps in their face.

And the whole time, people like Julien Blanc and Dapper Laughs define "failure" with one hand while offering misogyny with the other.

Because they are businessmen.

"We’re the number one threat to women! Globally and historically, we’re the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women. You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.” Louis CK

Actually lots of people like being choked WITH CONSENT

There's a thing called "kink" where people do unconventional sexual things WITH CONSENT.

Human beings enjoy a whole variety of sexual activities which can include bondage, domination, submission, choking, and other kinds of humiliation WITH CONSENT.

Some people love having bad things done to them WITH RESPECT AND CONSENT.

What unites "kinky" and "vanilla" sex is that it should all be done WITH CONSENT.

I read a woman's post on the kink website Fetlife which described how she identifies as a slave, both sexually and as a non-sexual lifestyle choice. She gets sexual fulfilment out of being a slave to someone she respects, and a happy sense of belonging being treated like shit by someone she respects.

She then pointed out how the thousands of misogynists sending her disturbing alpha-male bullshit messages will never get to experience that, because they don't understand RESPECT or CONSENT.

Julien Blanc thinks women should be treated like pieces of shit. He doesn't even - even - say something like, "Deep down all women like it! It's in their nature!" He fails to clear the very first rape-culture hurdle because he doesn't even care what women think at all.

That makes him a rapist waiting to happen.

Once you, or I, or any of these lost young potential-misogynists understand respect and consent, we all get a million miles closer to not only achieving the productive and fulfilling sex that most people seek - but actually reducing harm as well.

The uproars merely show the mainstream what has been unsaid the whole time

Men are often blind to the shit women have to deal with, the same way white people get to walk around never knowing what it's like to have your race pointed out to you on a regular basis.

This lets a lot of men think 1) the world is equal, therefore 2) feminism is a scary movement about hating men and restricting men's rights.

The sad truth is, misogyny and violence against women have been around forever - it's just we've started to listen now, to people who are angry it's still going on.

That's why there's an extreme backlash against Anita Sarkeesian for pointing out the culture of misogyny and violence against women in video games. She's not making this shit up. It's always been there.

Part of me would love to see people like Julien Blanc arrested and convicted for inciting violence against women.

Think about it.

We have laws against inciting violence against people on religious grounds, on racial grounds, on grounds of sexuality.

Julien Blanc is telling paying customers it is A-okay to choke women and shove their head at your cock.

So yeah, have a think about that in terms of criminality and what businesses are legally allowed to promote.

But really, punishing dickheads and criminals does not solve the problem - even after a crime has been committed and punishment + rehabilitation are necessary.

The problem is solved by messaging. By communications.

These uproars often bounce around in the echo chamber of liberal/left social media - people shouting "AGH MISOGYNY AGAIN" at all their friends who already think the same thing.

The culture changes when the anger and the uproar become big enough to escape the echo chamber - when they spill over into the mainstream. When the media cover it - not just liberal media, but conservative media too, without trying to twist it into some victim-blaming bullshit.

When it's too big and too loud for potential misogynists not to hear it - people who normally get their information from shitty conservative newspapers and TV shows and internet personalities who sell misogyny.

When it gets to young men who are let down by institutions and social groups who fail to educate them about the realities women face around the world.

The uproars are part of the solution. Because exposing this bullshit is the first step towards destroying it.

New song EQUALITY & LASERS. Pew pew!

noreply@blogger.com (Jez Kemp) — Thu, 06 Nov 2014 11:14:00 +0000

Fresh off the new album "Scandalous Heart", here's the brand new pop song EQUALITY AND LASERS. Play now and give some love on Soundcloud!

https://soundcloud.com/
jezkemp/equality-and-lasers-scandalous-heart

Do you want Equality? Do you want Lasers?
This catchy song is for you!

The new album is out next Sunday 16th for free download - keep checking back for more songs, artwork and info :) Jx

https://soundcloud.com/jezkemp/

equality-and-lasers-scandalous-heart